Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted October 3, 2002 Hey, tomorrow (actually later today) is Vengeance! Can you feel the excitement? Yea, me neither. Oh well, maybe next time… I’d like to apologize this week; I was at a friend’s house and got back late, so I missed the first ten minutes of Velocity. I hope I didn’t miss any thrilling PPV shill segments! Anyhow, I came in on a commercial, and when that ended Marc Loyd and Michael Cole were at the announcing desk. It’s like a nightmare come true! Is it going to be like this every week so long as Al Snow’s filming Tough Enough 3? They talk about Rock leaving to film a movie hurting the company… what about my Velocity announce team? Oh damn, I’m on a rant and I haven’t even started my column. So, without further ado… Kick it into hyper-drive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, Velocity! Dude, You Missed the Opener! Hugh “That’s Not Funny” Morrus vs. “Sensational (Though Not as a Singer/Songwriter” Shannon Moore No doubt a pretty decent to sweet opener, I was pissed when I found out I missed this. Hey, that rhymed! Anyway, Flyboy just told me that Moore won with a “Whisper in the Wind” type move (thanks dude!). Again, my apologies for not being around to tape/scribble down the moves for/recap this match, but on the bright side, at least I won’t be calling any Michinoku Drivers “split-legged brainbusters” or any Space Flying Tiger Drops “flippy floppy arm drags”, right? Nothing’s better than a laugh at your own expense. Wait a minute… wh00! COMMERCIALS! Recap GM Mayhem! Why don’t they just call ‘em commissioners anymore? Anyway, the former Lord of Nitro, Eric Bischoff, is the General Manager of RAW, and he’s taking his competitive spirit with him, by golly! No word on if the No Limit Soldiers will be brought in to bury those damn Vanilla Midgets. As for Smackdown!, Vince brought in his beloved daughter and former storyline owner of the watered-down ECW, Stephanie McMahon! No word on if she’ll find a way to water down Smackdown! anymore than it already is. So, both of these parties want HHH, and apparently this issue is SO important that they have to devote PPV time to him signing a contract. Ummm… if I don’t want to see that kind of stuff on free TV, why would I pay to see it? I’m not saying that just because I don’t want to see Trips either, I remember how bored I was watching it for The Rock and Stone Cold in the past, because in the end, it’s just a waste of time. Does anyone really care in the end, as long as they get to see their wrestler every week? In this case though, I think he’ll sign with Smackdown! just so they can execute the storyline of Wrestler vs. The Evil Owner part 4,587,926. wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS! Promo Interview with The Rock Rocky talks about the triple threat match at Vengeance and how he has a “quiet intensity” and an “x-factor” brewing inside of him. So, for all those who wondered where X-Pac went, this interview makes it perfectly clear that he’s coming back with Justin Credible, HHH (who is apparently signing with RAW after all) and The Rock (who is apparently winning the championship after all… I read it in RAW magazine!) in a reformed X-Factor! At this point, little more is known about the new stable other than that, even on RAW, they will find some way to hold down Jericho! Recap The BROCK~! vs. That Flippy Floppy Stoner Kid… what’s his name again? What can I say that hasn’t already been said before? The Brock isn’t over because he has no catchphrase! Seriously, if he came out and started ranting about jabronis and laying the F-5 on some CANDY-ASSES, he’d be over in no time. Anyway, in case you haven’t heard, this match is for the Intercontinental Title, which RVD needs to keep his hands on for at least a little while longer to give it some credibility (although it’d be nice if he defended it half as much as the Undertaker defended the Undisputed Title). But, seeing as how this exact match has already been done a couple times, with average results at best, I don’t really see how they’ll find some magical way to work together and have the match flow a lot better this time. Although if Brock goes up to debut his own F5-Star-Shooting-Press (OK, that’s a dumb name) to win the victory, I’d be impressed for a little while at least. WTF? A Match? “No Longer Phat” Albert vs. Nick Dinsmore, “*cough* Jobber *cough*” Damn, it’s like a classic Metal match-up, between the mid-carder and the no-name jobber. I miss those days… the two lock up, and Albert shoves Dinsmore twice, no-sells a ton of right hands, and shoves him a third time, for charm I guess. Albert whips Dinsmore into the corner, and misses a splash, with Dinsmore catching him on the rebound with a school-boy for 1…2…kick-out! Dinsmore follows up with an enzuigiri and runs off the ropes, but Albert catches him with a bicycle kick and a cover for 1…2…kick-out! Albert whips Dinsmore into a corner, stomps a mudhole, punches, stomps another mudhole, and no-sells some more right hands. A mid-carder totally no-selling and nobody cares because it’s just some yahoo jobber. Yes, this really is a classic Metal match-up. Albert shoves Dinsmore into the ropes and elbows him when he comes back, then slingshots him between the first and second ropes and covers for 1…2…and another kick-out! Albert grabs Dinsmore by the head and… oh my God, it’s The Compactor! What, is Albert going to hook up with Mr. Fuji and feud with Randy Savage next week? After what feels like an eternity, Dinsmore elbows his way out, but Albert KICKS HIS ASS~! (literally), gives him a Bubba Bomb, and whips him into the corner. Dinsmore recovers and meets the charging Albert with a kick to the face, then dodges another corner splash. Dinsmore’s a JOBBER ON FIRE with a cross-body, drop-kick to the knee, and a missile drop-kick on Albert for 1…2…still not enough. Albert sets Dinsmore up for the Baldo Bomb, but Dinsmore slips out after a kick to the midsection. Albert whips Dinsmore into the corner, and kind of backs into him a bunch of times. Albert scoop slams Dinsmore and goes up for a Banzai Drop but gets knees. He then decides to finally end the pain with a Baldo Bomb for 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Albert, pinfall * 1/2 Well, that was rather boring, wasn’t it? Pretty much a typical jobber squash, but Albert could’ve at least sold the transitional right hands or token jobber offense. Although if Albert pulls out The Compactor every week now, at least I can get a good, cheap laugh from his matches, which would make them entertaining. Sort of. wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS! Since it’s mainly recaps and I don’t have much else to talk about this week, I’d just like to note that it’s really bothering me how they changed the voice of the talking dog in the Greyhound bus commercials. Before they had the sardonic, scruffy voice that you recognized from other commercials, but now they have some happy voice. Sure, now he sings the “Go Greyhound, and leave the driving to us!” jingle at the end of the commercial, but it’s just not the same without the original dog voice. God, I can’t believe there’s so little to do this week that I’m ranting about the commercials… Recap That Dastardly Triple… Threat! (you thought I was gonna say “H”, weren’t you?) The Rock is over, thus he gets a shot at The Undertaker. Angle had a controversial finish in a match against The Undertaker, thus he gets a shot too. The Undertaker’s the champ, so I guess you have to throw him in the equation too. Mix those three wrestlers together and voila! Instant main event! Oh, and for those of you who desire nothing more out of your wrestling than some cheap thrills and T&A, Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson will be hosting the PPV at The World. So, since Torrie will be there, I guess Byron was mistaken about her facing Molly for the women’s title at the PPV. It’s also probably the only time I’m glad he made a mistake. wh00! EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap Team Canada vs. Team… U.S.A. Funny how Christian is on Team Canada now when just a few months ago for cheap heel heat in Canada he made sure to note how happy he was that he moved to Florida and became a U.S. citizen. Ahh… to be young and lacking continuity. Anyway, Hulk Hogan is good. Hulk Hogan is American. Americans are good. Canadians are not American, thus they must be bad. Get it? Actually, the Canadians had a pretty damn cool promo on the 4th of July, but since then have been booked so that they aren’t credible contenders (come on, 3 on 1 and still getting laid out by Rikishi, of all people?). Barring cheating (and almost definitely interference from Chris Jericho, who’s not booked to appear at all), there’s no way they’ll win, which hopefully means a prolonged feud so that they can be built up. Promo “Pure and Wholesome” Molly Holly vs. An Ungrateful Audience Molly comes into the ring, but alas, there’s no match. Rather, Molly talks about her responsibility as a champion to defend the title. She also says that she’s proud of herself, and that she’s a role model. When she doesn’t get the respect she deserves from the crowd, she leaves, refusing to defend the title for a filthy crowd, especially one full of men that wouldn’t know how to treat a girl like her. Girl power! Seeing as how that would’ve been the perfect place for a response from Torrie Wilson for an ultra-last minute set up for a PPV match, that further cements that no such match will happen, which I have no problems with. Nothing against Torrie or Molly, but it might take time away from Triple H’s decision, and that’s just not fair! wh00! NOTHING BETTER THAN SOME MORE FILTHY COMMERCIALS! Main Event “The Trailer Trash Twosome” Knoble & Nidia vs. Funaki, “The Sho Stopper” (non-title match) Funaki in a main event? You’re damn right I set my VCR! I guess it’s non-title to “secure the PPV event”, although everyone knows that good ol’ FNK always does the J-O-B anyway. The two lock-up to start, but Knoble comes out ahead with a snapmare and elbows to the back of the head. Into the corner, and Knoble hits his share of shoulder-blocks, but Funaki dodges a splash and scores with an arm drag, a DDT, and a cover for 1…2…kick-out! FNK then applies a submission maneuver, but Knoble gets his foot on the ropes so fast that I can’t get a good look at what it is. Knoble bails, dodges a baseball slide, and whips FNK into the ring-steps. Back in the ring, it’s time to work the knee! Stomping, shin-breakers, putting it on the rope and jumping on it, you name it, Knoble does it. However, FNK finally catches him, and gets enough leverage with his good knee to send him outside, but Knoble recovers and drags FNK over to the ring-post to ram his leg into the corner. Knoble gets back in the ring to apply the Trailer Hitch, but FNK reverses into a roll-up for 1…2…kick-out! Knoble applies a bow and arrow submission hold, then slams FNK’s knee down and gives him another shin-breaker. FNK is limping and hopping on one foot, but somehow gets an enzuigiri, right hands, clothesline, and a one-handed back body drop (which Loyd calls a “big move”, proving that yes, there are worse announcers than Michael Cole out there). He covers for 1…2…c’mon, it’s Funaki, dude, what did you expect? Knoble shoves FNK into a corner, and he gets up, but Knoble reverses a swinging DDT into a Northern Lights Suplex for 1…2…kick-out! Knoble scoop slams FNK, and goes up top, but FNK crotches him and goes for what looks like a Crucifix powerbomb (!). Knoble flips out though, and FNK hits the swinging DDT this time and covers, but Nidia distracts referee Brian Hebner! FNK hops over and points menacingly at Nidia, but Knoble takes him down and locks in the Trailer Hitch! Funaki taps! And da winnah is… Jamie Knoble, submission *** Another excellent Knoble match. A bit formulaic, perhaps, and with no real stand-out spots, but since the formula involves actual psychology of working the leg to set up for his finisher, I have no real problem with it yet. I’d like to see Knoble retain the title tomorrow, but they’ll probably trade it back and forth between him and Kidman a few times to “further the feud” until they drop it to the premiering Rey Misterio Jr. Once again, Funaki shows himself to be a great worker, and thus a good jobber, but since it was non-title, couldn’t they let the guy get an upset fluke victory, just this once? Well, that’s all for Velocity this week. A whopping three matches (since one was “moved up” to Smackdown!, I guess to make room for all the recaps to shill the PPV?), one of which I missed, one of which sucked, and one that was pretty good. I’m going to sleep, then watch Vengeance, then sleep some more. I know, such a thrilling weekend. Well, you can always buy me something to brighten my day! Seriously, I had to buy stuff off my own wish list... how lame is that? Oh well, guess you’ve gotta start somewhere. Don't forget to check out RetroRob's "Confidential" Recap, Dames' PPV recap and the PPV-themed CrossFace! If you've somehow missed our exclusive interview with Trish Stratus, Byron's "News to Us", and the latest edition of Josh Lowman's "Brain Droppings", don't hesitate to check those out as well. And with that bit of plugging, I bid you adieu. See you in 7! Edward Robins [email protected] A Dollar Today Means Salvation Tomorrow! My DVD List… sure it’s got nothing to do with Velocity; so what? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
