WWE Velocity Recap - July 27, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Hey guys, I’m sorry I didn’t get any other columns out this week. I wanted to write a review for the Royal Tenenbaums DVD, but I haven’t even started on the second disc yet, and besides, I need to e-mail Polky and see if he wants to do that, since he already did Criterion’s DVD release of Rushmore. I’ve also been meaning to write a review of Full Moon’s recent Cryptz & Ragdoll double-feature DVD for at least a week and a half now. Anyway, I recently read Dynamite Kid’s autobiography (thanks for lending it to me Joel!), and although I’ve known him by name, I never knew much about him and the British Bulldogs. Even though the book has more than its share of minor errors, I’d recommend it to any readers that, like me, are still fairly new to the sport, as it’s very informative and a pretty quick, easy read. Anyway, I need to “spread out my columns” more anyway, because I lost my only job opportunity because of my approaching move to college and am 100% flat broke, and thus can’t buy any new DVDs to review anyway, unless you really want me to review all those bare-bones Full Moon discs I bought earlier in the summer.

 

Kick it into hyper-drive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, Velocity!

 

Opening Match

B&C w/ Rico vs. “1-2-Kick-Out!” (Shannon Moore & Hurricane)

OK, 3-Count is a pretty cool boy band name, but mine sounds like some ‘80s new wave group (opening for A Flock of Seagulls, 1-2-Kick-Out!). Not fair… anyway, Billy & Shannon Moore are starting out, trading elbows and punches, but Moore gets a quick advantage with a roll-up, 1…2…Billy kicks out, but Moore meets him with a drop-kick and an arm drag. Billy breaks out of a hold and makes it to his corner to tag in Chuck, who is met with a drop toe-hold by Moore. Chuck whips Moore, and doesn’t see a blind tag to Hurricane. As Moore leaves the ring, Chuck looks at him with an expression of bewilderment, and Hurricane hits Chuck and gets him in a head-scissors take-down then hits him with a Shining Wizard (as called by Marc Loyd) and a cover for 1…Chuck kicks out with ease.

 

Chuck grabs Hurricane, but Hurricane flips out and gives him a neckbreaker and a cover for 1…2…Chuck kicks out again. Hurricane tags in Moore, and the two Irish whip Chuck and each give him a knee-strike. Hurricane whips Chuck again, and Moore comes off the ropes with a neckbreaker of his own and a cover for 1…2…Chuck kicks out again, and sends Moore out of the ring, where Billy delivers some cheap shots, and the two double-team Moore, tossing him back into the ring. Billy steps back in the ring (*gasp* WITHOUT A TAG! Those dastardly heels!), gives Moore the One and Only and covers, but Hurricane breaks it up at 2, turns to the crowd, and yells “Whasupwidat?” for a pop.

 

Chuck is tagged in, and Moore flips out of another hold, and gives Chuck a spinning heel kick, but Chuck recovers and drags Moore away so he can’t take in Hurricane. Chuck lifts Moore up for a power-bomb, but Moore reverses it into a head-scissors take-down. Both sides tag in their partners, and Hurricane hits a series of clotheslines and a spinning DDT. He covers for 1…2…Chuck breaks it up. Chuck whips Hurricane into the corner, and is met with a boot to the face. Hurricane is up, and hits a second rope diving neckbreaker on Chuck, then heads over and climbs the other turnbuckle to deliver a top-rope cross-body to Chuck. Hurricane doesn’t cover, and Moore hits a top-rope rana on Chuck, sending him out of the ring.

 

While Billy & Hurricane are exchanging blows, Moore goes for a pescado on Chuck, who catches him and drops him unceremoniously on the guard barrier. With Rico distracting the ref, Hurricane goes for the choke slam, but Billy fights his way out of it. Marc Loyd makes fun of him for even trying, but feigns shock as Hurricane goes for the move again and hits it on Billy, only for Chuck to sneak in and level him with a Jungle Kick. The ref thoroughly distracted, he turns and Billy covers Hurricane for 1…2…3!

 

And da winnahs are… Billy & Chuck, dirty pinfall (but that’s how they like it!)

***

This was a very solid opener. All the spots were dead-on, there was no psychology that was no-sold (of course, this was made rather easy due to the fact that there WAS no psychology), although for the nit-picker in me, Chuck took like three neckbreakers, so he could’ve rubbed his neck or something! For all the doubters of B&C, I give them this match… why couldn’t they have wrestled this well when they were the champs? Moore continues to impress me, and continues to look like a blonde Essa Rios, although Hurricane just looks funnier and funnier because of his focus on power-moves (I was literally laughing at him hitting clotheslines). You ain’t Jamie Knoble, boy, now do what you look good at and bust out one of ‘em flippy floopys! While I still enjoy The Hurricane character, he’s unfortunately already crossed that dangerous line into self-parody, and I have no idea if his character will recover.

 

wh00! COMMERCIALS!

 

Recap

More GM Mayhem!

Stephanie McMahon fulfilled her promise, and took the heart out of RAW. Sure enough, you can’t spell heart without BROCK LESNAR!!!! So, with the exception of Undertaker’s shot against Hogan, that means that Smackdown! continues their year-long streak of having ALL the PPV title challengers. What does that mean? Probably nothing. The seeds of an Angle/Brock feud were planted, and when they meet, if they bust out some amateur wrestling moves I’d be more than down with that. God, also known as Eric Bischoff, showed up on Smackdown!, taunting Steph with a note that he’d stolen one of her top talents as he left in a limo…no! Not Albert! He wasn’t on Smackdown OR Velocity, DAMN! Anyway, the important thing is Stephanie thought it was Angle and it wasn’t, and in an easy-to-figure out “twist”, the Eric Angle was gone talking to all night wasn’t Bischoff, but his brother Eric Angle! Now, the real twist will be if on RAW Bischoff reveals he signed Angle, and it turns out to be Eric! Albert and Eric Angle… you read it here first!

 

wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS!

 

Midcard Match

“They Call His MIST as Green!” Tajiri vs. “Gladiatori de Mulletos” Mike Awesome

Hey, Mike Awesome’s back from injury! That’s a nice unannounced (because he doesn’t sell shirts, no doubt) surprise comeback. Awesome and Tajiri pace around each other before they lock up, after which Awesome tosses Tajiri across the ring. Tajiri recovers and delivers a series of lightning-quick kicks to the legs. Awesome reverses the Irish whip and hits Tajiri with a shoulder block. Awesome follows up with a belly to belly (which is either a variation of some sort, or else I’m just not used to seeing it done with such a height difference between wrestlers, because it looks really weird), and whipping Tajiri into the corner for a running splash.

 

Awesome whips Tajiri into the other corner and goes for another running splash, but Tajiri dodges and tries to lock in the Tarantula, but Awesome reverses it into a facebuster. Awesome scores with a clothesline and follows up with a cover for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out. Awesome scoop slams Tajiri and goes off the ropes for a splash (or possibly an elbow or shoulder drop, couldn’t tell from the angle), but Tajiri, still down, reaches up and kicks him in the face. Tajiri kicks Awesome in the knee, and works the knee, until Awesome manages to kick him outside and hits him with another kick knocking him into the guard barrier.

 

Awesome goes for a pescado, but misses. Ouch. Tajiri is back in the ring, and when Awesome recovers and gets back on the apron, puts him in a (one-legged) Tarantula. Tajiri runs off the ropes, but Awesome dives over the top rope and nails him with a shoulder-block. Awesome covers for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out, and is met with a series of shots from Awesome, culminating with Val Venis’ Blue Thunder powerbomb pin for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out. Tajiri drop toe-holds Awesome, and kicks at the leg. Awesome is up to his feet, and, without limping or anything (showing that he’s TOO awesome to sell the leg ALL the time!), nails Tajiri with a clothesline and sets him up for a running crucifix powerbomb, which draws a small “EC-DUB!” chant, but Tajiri flips out, kicks him out from under his leg, and nails him in the temple with the knock-out kick for 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Tajiri, gnarly pinfall over Awesome, dude!

 

** 1/2

This was a decent match, although Mike Awesome still has, understandably, a little bit of ring rust. Some of his jumping/diving/leaping spots looked rather awkward, especially the shoulder-block where he dived over the top rope; I was afraid that he wouldn’t make it over because it looked like the tip of his foot was hooking the top rope as he came down. Tajiri was in top form, although since most of his offense consisted of kicks to the leg, since Awesome only sold the leg for certain spots and not constantly throughout the match it made Tajiri look a little weak. It’s still good to see someone come back off the injured list, and in that regards, I hope to see Kanyon and Rhyno back in the ring soon too.

 

wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS!

 

Backstage Segment (on Velocity? Am I watching the right show?!)

Now we know what Funaki’s doing when he’s not jobbing, he’s hanging out with Rico! Rico is telling Funaki about how much B&C rule, when they run into that sour-puss Hardcore Holly, who asks him when the last time B&C lost was. Rico says he’ll have to check his planner, but Holly reminds him it was last week, to himself and his partner Val (no word yet on how excited Rico would’ve been if Hardcore had referred to the team by their ‘net nickname “Hardcore Porn”). Anyway, since he’s such a sour-puss, Hardcore is more than happy to bring his sour power to the Velocity hour (oh, if only he’d have said it like that!) by beating Rico down later on tonight. Hardcore leaves and Funaki, without his poor English over-dubs, is unable to say anything to comfort Rico, but gives him a thumbs-up. Cute ending to an “eh” segment, but the real clincher is that there actually WAS a segment on Velocity. I don’t remember seeing one of those for weeks.

 

Recap

Edge, Traitor to the Canadian People vs. Y2Jobber

This was a good match-up, although the ending bugged me because it once again made Chris Jericho look weak. Edge’s top rope Electric Chair Drop was pretty cool though, but there’s still NO way he could’ve had that sudden burst of energy to dash up and out of the cage faster than Jericho could crawl out through the door. Anyway, post-match, Team Canada repays a favor from Vengeance by laying out the traitor Edge, which prompts an appearance from John Cena (literally out of nowhere, first time I saw him in the cage I had no idea where he came from) and Rey Mysterio Jr., who cements his first appearance in even more by scaling the cage and delivering a cross-body from the top to Lance Storm, to save the day. Yeah, go Team… uhhh… EM-C! (Edge/Mysterio/Cena)

 

wh00! WE GOT A TITLE ON THE LINE, AFTER THESE COMMERCIALS!

 

“Best Worker Who Will Never Main Event” (I Mean, Cruiserweight) Title Match

The Trailer Trash Twosome (Knoble © & Knidia) vs. “The Unpowerbombable” Billy Kidman

The two start off with an exchange of punches, and Knoble reverses an arm-drag, but Kidman scores with a hurricanrana and throws Knoble over the top rope and meets him with a baseball slide. Back in, Knoble knocks Kidman off the apron, rolls him back in and covers him 1…2…Kidman kicks out. Wonder what part of the body Knoble will work on tonight? A hard whip of Kidman into the corner enlightens us that it’s the back. Knoble gives Kidman a hard backdrop and covers for 1…2…Kidman kicks out, and Knoble gives him a pumphandle powerbomb (called as a “Pump Handle Explosion”), then locks in an abdominal stretch on Kidman, where Nidia stands outside the ring pulling on Knoble’s free hand to give him cheap added leverage. The ref finally sees the extra leverage, and forces Knoble to break the hold, and Kidman gives him an arm-drag and Knoble elbows Kidman.

 

Kidman is on the apron, and comes over the top with a legdrop, and starts blocking all of Knoble’s punches, whips him into the corner so he bounces off, and comes off the ropes with a clothesline and cover for 1…2…Knoble kicks out. Knoble hoists Kidman above his head, then gives him an Electric Chair Drop (watch out Edge!) and covers for 1…2…Kidman kicks out again. Kidman fights out of a powerbomb attempt, instead giving Knoble a Fireman’s Carry to Gutbuster, and covers for 1…2…kickout. Kidman tries to powerbomb Knoble, but Knoble flips out and delivers a knee to the gut. There’s a neat little role reversal for you. Knoble hooks Kidman’s arms for an underhook suplex, but Kidman reverses into a powerbomb pin, but Nidia jumps up on the apron and distracts the ref. Kidman complains to the ref and yells at Nidia, blocking a slap.

 

Knoble charges at Kidman, but Kidman dodges and Knoble knocks Nidia off the apron! Knoble rebounds after hitting Nidia, but Kidman pulls him down into a school boy for 1…2…3…2! I guess they screwed up, and there was a lot of clamor because there was very clearly three hands coming down on the mat, but that quickly died down when the ref said it was only a two-count. CONSPIRACY!!!!111 Kidman whips Knoble into the corner, but is met with a boot to the face. Knoble is up, but Kidman manages to dropkick him off to the floor. Kidman follows up with a pescado, and both men are laid out. Kidman is first to his feet, and pulls Knoble into the ring, and hoists him over a head (brainbuster/stalling suplex position), but Nidia pulls out his leg, causing Knoble to fall on top of him and get the 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Jamie Knoble, boy! Woo! Girlfriend-assisted pinfall

 

*** 1/2

Another very solid match, although I wish after all the psychology of working Kidman’s back that it would’ve played more directly into the finish. Interestingly enough, though, both Marc Loyd and Michael Cole were surprised that Kidman was able to get the leverage for a dropkick with his injured back, so I guess they’re working this “psychology” thing into Jamie Knoble’s character, making him some crazy Freudian hick or something. Hey, it works for me! This was an excellent match from both men, on par with (and possibly even slightly better than) their match at Vengeance. Why is that? With his excellent ring psychology and great character, Jamie Knoble is quickly becoming one of my favorite wrestlers.

 

wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS, BOY!

 

Main Event

“The Alabama Android” Hardcore Holly vs. “American Gladiator” Rico

Rico comes to the ring accompanied by Billy & Chuck, and they mess with Hardcore and referee Mike Chioda for a while, entering the ring and teasing that it’ll be a 3-on-1 handicap match. Finally, Chioda bars them from ringside, leaving a distraught Rico to plea, “You guys? Where are you going? Come back!” Holly chases Rico around the ring, then grabs his hair, but Rico tucks his elbows around the top rope to force Holly to break the hold. No problem for Holly, who just pulls Rico off from his legs, driving him into the mat, facebuster-style. A clothesline from Holly leads to a cover for 1…2…Rico kicks out. Holly whips Rico into the corner and gives him an assortment of kicks, punches, and chops. Holly whips Rico into the other corner, but Rico reverses, only to get a boot in the face from Holly.

 

Holly comes out of the corner and right into a super-kick from Rico. Rico stomps the fallen Holly’s face, then puts him in the corner and delivers a series of shoulder-blocks and chops, stopping every so often to rile up the crowd. That’s the main reason why the chants are always “Rico sucks!” not “Billy & Chuck suck!” (of course, in either case, it’s not taken as an insult, a-hyuck a-hyuck!). Holly decides he’s had enough, and puts Rico into the corner and delivers some more chops. Rico rakes Holly’s eyes, and pushes him into the other corner, where he delivers a series of kicks, culminating with a jump-kick to the face a la Steve Blackman. Rico covers for 1…2…kick-out!

 

Rico delivers knees to the gut, and Holly is up, but Rico shoves him back down and covers for 1. Rico whips Holly and catches him with a hard knee to the gut. Holly sits up, but Rico is off the ropes and kicks him to the head and covers for 1…2…Holly kicks out but Rico pushes him back down and goes for another cover of 1…2…Holly kicks out again, so Rico just chokes him and stomps his face again. Rico scoop slams Holly and goes up top and delivers a picture perfect MOONSAULT, but Holly rolls out of the way, choosing not to tempt fate again. Holly hits a clothesline, dodges a clothesline of Rico’s, and hits The Best Dropkick in the Business and covers for 1…2…hey Holly, no matter how good they are, a dropkick won’t put anybody away unless your name’s Maven.

 

Rico whips Holly and telegraphs it, but Holly runs off the ropes and grabs him for a power-bomb and a cover for 1…2…Rico kicks out again! Go resiliency! Actually, the power-bomb looks more credible than his “Alabama Slamma” finisher, but that’s just my humble opinion. Rico delivers another series of kicks, but Holly gives him a Gas Mask and covers for 1…2…Rico kicks out again! Another move that looks more credible than the Alabama Slamma… hmmmm….Rico powerslams Holly and goes for a cover, 1…2…Holly kicks out, and we’re running out of time, folks, so Holly dodges a roundhouse kick and delivers the Alabama Slammmmma for 1…2…hey Daddy, what come after 2? 3, Hardcore, 3!

And da winnah is… Hardcore Holly, pinfall.

 

** 1/2

I really wanted to like this match, but for the most part is was too basic, with back and forth chops, back and forth kicks, blah blah blah. The match really picked up though with the MOONSAULT (I sure didn’t know Rico had that in his repertoire!), which encouraged Holly to dig deep down for a Gas Mask. Which got me thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if it was really the Mean Street Posse on RAW? It could be like Shane sent them to mess up Eric Bischoff so he could take over. I can see it now… Mean Street Posse vs. The Island Boyz! I’d pay to see that! OK, not really.

 

Well, another week has come and gone, here on Velocity. Actually, I’ve got to hand it to Cole & Loyd, after really coming down on them last week they improved quite a bit. Loyd even did some research, as he correctly identified several moves! The two were a bit quiet (too quiet) at the beginning of the show, but by about mid-show they were really ribbing on each other and calling the match good (for Michael Cole) and were actually pretty listenable. Of course, that might have to do with the fact that I also recently heard commentary from David Crockett for the first time. Look at that! Look at him… look… look! Look at my wishlist! Look at it! Help a jobless soon-to-be-starving student out, eh? ‘Cuz I mean, if you have $30 burning a hole in your pocket, you could buy me ANYTHING from my list, including shipping! Think about it… you could make me happy, don’t you want that? Of course, for all my fellow jobless, broke readers out there, a simple e-mail or post of praise on the boards will suffice as well.

 

Anyway, I’m off to kill some kittens and go to bed. See you in 7!

 

Edward Robins

[email protected]

A Dollar Today Means Salvation Tomorrow!

My DVD List… sure it’s got nothing to do with Velocity; so what?