An Exercise in Poor Taste - Cryptz / Ragdoll

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Hey, happy Friday (my original draft said “happy Wednesday”, make of that what you will) everybody! I’d like to give quick shout-outs to my board-mates and fellow site columnists Kinetic and Incandenza, to Kinetic for finally following up with another terrific (Fiona Apple themed) column, and Incandenza for submitting his first (hopefully of many) great music column(s) as well, on the topic of PJ Harvey’s “New York album” (don’t look at me, I only know the “Perfect Day Elise” song… go read his column, though, it’s good!). Soon, you’ll see some music columns written by myself as well, to flesh out their “artsy fartsy” refined taste in better CDs with my opinions on some good ol’ fashioned mainstream pop music lacking any sort of edge or creativity. Watch for them soon!

 

Now that the plugs are out of the way (excluding of course, my Amazon.com wish-list, which will arrive in its customary place at the end of the column), it’s time for that thing which usually shows up in “An Exercise in Poor Taste” – a Full Moon DVD review. Now I’m sure some of you read my first “An Exercise in Poor Good Taste” review of The Man Who Wasn’t There, but the e-mail system was down for a few days, so I can say (truthfully and selfishly) that I haven’t received enough feedback to merit a second edition (which isn’t to say I won’t do one, in fact if all goes well and Polky hasn’t snapped it up yet I want to review my Criterion Royal Tenenbaums disc) yet, because simply put, it’s harder to talk and speculate about a what makes “good movie” tick than it is to point out the redeeming qualities of an under-appreciated “bad movie”. Now, I’m also sure my readers (all ten of you) are always wondering “you claim under-appreciated movies, yet you always whip out a Full Moon release, why is that?” Well, it’s true that the majority of my reviews are of low-budget horror company Full Moon DVDs. The reason for this (besides the fact that it’s honestly my favorite movie studio and that Full Moon films comprise most of my collection) is that, being out of money for pretty much the whole summer (explaining the lack of reviews lately), I have to rely on renting DVDs instead of buying them, and the closest thing to the type of movies I like watching and covering in columns on DVD at my local Hollywood Video. So… now you know, if you’d like to see something else, I’m literally too poor or unable to find it unless you buy it for me (unless you want to request a review from my DVD list, which is also at the end of the column). So, now that the patented “filler intro” is out of the way, feast your eyes on the latest Full Moon opus…

 

Cryptz (2002) / Ragdoll (1999) [double-feature DVD]

Big City Pictures / Full Moon Entertainment

 

Film (complete with minor plot spoilers!):

As Orlando Jones’ Harry Block put it in Evolution: “I’ve seen this movie… the black dude dies first!”, and sure enough in the majority of horror movies past and present, a black character is sure to die, and is usually the first victim of Monster/Serial Killer X. Though there have been a few films throughout history that have not only had black leads, but black leads that actually survived, a few years ago, Full Moon created the first (to my knowledge anyway) all-black horror label, Big City Pictures (originally called Alchemy Entertainment), which has spawned several serious films, all with African American leads and plots that focus on “urban” themes and characters. The most recent Big City Pictures release, Cryptz, is an urban vampire film intended more as a horror-comedy than most Full Moon projects, and on DVD it’s been paired with the first Big City/Alchemy release ever, Ragdoll.

 

The main characters of Cryptz are three wanna-be rappers: Tymez Skwair, Likrish, and Fuzzy Down. I say wanna-be because the opening and closing scenes of the film involve Skwair’s mom yelling at him to get a real job, and they don’t rap at all throughout the entire film. Instead of looking for a job, the three wander the streets, where they run into voluptuous Stesha, wearing a shirt for the nightclub Cryptz. Tymez hits on her and tries to find out where Cryptz is, but she laughs him off for the obvious reason that he’s an annoying, horny teenager and pinches his cheek (what is she, his aunt?), before leaving him with the clue “It’s not in the phone book” and walking away. Later, after checking the phone book and finding nothing (proving they’re not just annoying, horny teenagers but annoying, horny, stupid teenagers), Tymez calls up his friend Truck, a somewhat reclusive, “spooky” tough guy who warns them not to go, and that since Tymez was “marked”, that Likrish and Fuzzy should bind him to the bed before nightfall. Being homophobic teenage males, they don’t, and at night, in a half-delusional frenzy, Tymez leads them to Cryptz. They enter, and find it’s not just any old strip club; it’s a spooky strip club (which they later find is inhabited by voodoo practicing vampires)! In a panic, Tymez calls Truck, who agrees to come and save their asses, as long as they promise not to accept any lap dances. Well, being an annoying, horny, stupid teenager, Tymez is more than willing to accept a lap dance, which of course is when things get really interesting…

 

As a comedy, Cryptz isn’t really that funny. Most of the humor comes from the characters’ stereotypical ghetto dialogue and actions when reacting to their situations and it’s very inconsistent. Even given the leads’ chemistry, and knowing that it’s all intended as a joke, the characters come off as flat stereotypes that aren’t as strong or unique as those in the other Big City Pictures releases. This is the main reason the film is somewhat disheartening, given that it goes against the original intent of Big City Pictures by featuring “token black guys” as leads instead of a smart black characters you could actually care about. Besides weak caricatures as characters, the other major problem with the film is that it falls apart at the end, with a fairly anti-climactic “final battle” (a problem Danny Draven also had with previous Full Moon film Horrorvision).

 

With that out of the way, everything else about the movie works well and is enjoyable. Original ideas for several “zuvembie” (cloaked, goofy looking creatures best described as “half-ass vampires”) characters were scrapped after they didn’t come out well, and the one remaining in the film is enough to prove that this choice definitely helps the film maintain some credibility. The film’s lack of elaborate sets and a lot of background action that would be expected in the typical Hollywood strip club are well disguised; the seedy, gritty atmosphere of the actual club is even heightened by the low budget. In that aspect, director Danny Draven again proves that he is perfectly capable of working well with a low budget, but unfortunately, because of the budget and subject matter, he’s still denied the opportunity to make the “break-out” film he is more than capable of making. Besides Draven’s excellent work, the actors, even though they’re playing pretty one-dimensional characters, pull through with, as mentioned earlier, charisma and ability, particularly Andre “Chyna” McCoy as Truck. It won’t replace From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, but it’s worth a rent.

 

Though I was thoroughly impressed with Ragdoll when I first saw it some time ago, watching it again, it’s not as great a film as I originally pictured. A safe debut for what was then called Alchemy Entertainment, Ragdoll is described in a one-liner as “another Charles Band killer doll film with an urban twist”. If there’s one joke that always gets made (with good reason), it’s that Charlie loves his killer dolls! Ragdoll’s titular killer doll is created through a dark deal with the Shadow Man, after local gangster Big Pear and his two brothers hospitalize Kwame’s grandmother after Kwame and his band KT Bounce refuse to sign with them as management. The Shadow Man agrees to use his “killing magic” to get revenge against Big Pear, but what he doesn’t tell Kwame is how he plans to kill Kwame’s best friends as payment.

 

Ragdoll is historically important in that it was the first Big City Pictures release, and that it represented Full Moon trying something not many major studios would do – a serious horror film with all black characters. Other than that though, it’s just an average film. Unlike Cryptz, the black protagonists are strong, intelligent characters, but the actors playing them aren’t as charismatic (the most interesting character was Gran, but only because she’s supposed to be an old, injured woman, when she looks to be about 35 and in perfect condition throughout), so it’s an even trade-off. Directed by Ted Nicolau of Subspecies fame, the film’s not terrible, but its most technically interesting sequences are methodical close-ups from Kwame’s gateway through his front yard, all the way to his house. The killer doll itself is pretty interesting, with a very antique look to it, but as it runs around it makes distracting cries that aren’t unnerving in the slightest, and sound more like a broken Furby than anything else. It’s not that Ragdoll is out and out boring; it’s very watchable, just not innovative enough (other than the color of its cast) to stand out. It complements Cryptz nicely as a double-feature (plus footage from it has a small cameo in Cryptz, in traditional Full Moon fashion), but wouldn’t be worth buying on its own except to Full Moon or killer doll completists.

 

Body Count (because every good movie has at least ONE death in it):

Cryptz - 3 humans, 1 familiar, 1 zuvembie, 3 vampires

Ragdoll - 7 humans

 

Wrestling Moves/References (because after all, this IS a wrestling site!):

Cryptz - Chyna’s in it! Sure, it’s not Joanie Laurer, but this Chyna is still more than capable of slapping a fatal headlock or triangle leg-choke on a familiar or vampire.

Ragdoll - Nothing really specific, but since Ragdoll’s so small and doesn’t leap around unrealistically like other killer dolls, she goes for the legs first to bring down a victim to slash their neck or face. PSYCHOLOGY~!!!!!!11

 

ONE Good Scene (SPOILER warning!):

Cryptz - After accepting a lap-dance, Tymez finds himself bound to a chair and being seduced by Stesha, but she stops to call in her mistress (the head vampire) when she notices a strange tattoo on Tymez’ chest. It turns out the tattoo’s a mystical symbol for some important ritual, so Ms. Head Vampire takes out a blade and cuts out a chunk of his chest.

Ragdoll - When the Ragdoll is about to kill one of Big Pear’s brothers, he’s dancing in Pear’s club. Suddenly the music cuts out for a little bit, and as the man turns, he sees the Ragdoll scratching the record playing on the turntable like a DJ. For some reason I’ve always thought this was hilarious.

 

Presentation:

Both films are given the standard direct-to-video 4:3 full-frame aspect ratio and a stereo (exact Dolby numbers not given) presentation. The transfers on both are spotless.

 

Special Features:

Being a double-feature, the disc is a bit barren on special features. Both films feature a trailer, and a 20-minute behind-the-scenes/interview package, like what would have come in the old Videozones (R.I.P. Videozone!). The one on Cryptz is cool because it really highlights how well the cast worked with each other and with Danny Draven, whereas the one on Ragdoll focuses more on the importance of an all-black label and how it’s never been done before. Of course, both also feature their fair share of the cast clowning around too. Also, Ragdoll features a music video from R&B/pop duo Voux Doux, from the film’s soundtrack. Yes, Virginia, there really is a soundtrack; in another example of Full Moon being overambitious, they intended to release an “urban” soundtrack for all of their future Alchemy Entertainment releases through their own label Big City Records, however, when the idea never came to full fruition they changed the name of the movie company to Big City Pictures. The soundtrack to Ragdoll (which, though out of print, is still available at Amazon.com through their Zshops) is the only Big City Records release that I’m aware of.

 

Overall:

As usual, fans of Full Moon, who already know what they’re in for, should be pleased with at least one of the films, and others should be wary. I actually didn’t like Cryptz the first time I saw it, but on subsequent viewings I enjoyed it more. Interestingly enough, I liked Ragdoll less after watching it again even though I had rented it before on VHS and enjoyed it very much (you can read a short review of it I wrote some time ago for IMDb).

 

I just realized this is a milestone – my tenth DVD review for the site! I’m not sure if I should be proud, or ashamed that with all the free time I have on my hands because of summer time, that I haven’t churned out twice as many columns by now. Anyway, since it’s Friday, look out for my Velocity recap, RetroRob’s Confidential recap, and Byron’s weekend news, as well as any pop culture or tape reviews that might pop up unawares throughout the weekend. I don’t even know why I bother asking for feedback or pimping my wishlist, because I never get anything from either (OK, I doubt since someone as talented as me is out of a job that anyone else is doing well enough to spend money on me, but it only takes two seconds to write an e-mail!). I’m not going to get upset, I can deal with it… *sniff* :-(

 

Until next time… don’t accept any lap dances!

Edward Robins

[email protected]

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"To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about... [just] remember there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste." – John Waters