Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted October 3, 2002 Hey, Happy August everyone! Are you getting ready for the upcoming school/college year? Yea, me neither. Well, UC Santa Cruz sends me a notice next week letting me know who my roommates are, so, if any of my readers go there and reside in Kresge Hall, you might just be blessed with me as a roommate! How cool would that be? We can watch b-movies and wrestling together, I can copy off your term papers, you can help me sneak in with you when you go bar-hopping and we could pick up chicks… the list goes on and on. Eh? Oh, Velocity this week! Yes, yes yes, this is somewhat of a milestone for me, because it’s the first time I was able to pick up the whole show on the first time. Well, there’s one move I’m conveniently omitting from my recap, so, similar to Dr. Tom’s Spot the Classic, Spot the Move I Missed! OK, I’m kidding, my real feedback-inducing question of the week (an idea “borrowed” from the good Dr.) will show up later in the column. Kick it into hyper-drive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, Velocity! Opening Match “The Alabama Android” Hardcore Holly vs. “Not Phat, Just Fat” Albert As the show begins, there’s a weird guy dressed as Elvis (hmmm… a spy from NWA:TNA?) making hand signals at the camera behind our boys Mickey C and Marc Loyd, so they have to comment. Now, onto the match, Hardcore ducks a kick, and delivers an exchange of right hands to Albert, who responds with clubbing and punching of his own in the corner. Albert whips Hardcore to the corner, and, despite being met with a boot to the face (usually a transition move in these types of matches), connects with a clothesline. Albert misses a splash, and Hardcore comes back with some chops (I’d “wh00!”, but I’m saving it for the commercials), and ducks a clothesline, only to run off the ropes right into a bicycle kick from Albert. He covers, 1…2…kick-out! Albert gets more corner offense, punching a mudhole (a question on proper mudhole etiquette – can you punch a mudhole, or just stomp one?) and choking Hardcore with his foot. The ref tells him to break it up, but AAARGH ME ALBERT MUST CHOKE!!!!11 so he just sticks his foot back in Hardcore’s throat. He tosses Hardcore across the ring, and connects with a running splash, then sets up and slingshots Hardcore between the first and second ropes and covers for 1…2…Hardcore kicks out again. Whew… that was some work, time for a sleeper rest hold! Zzzzz…. rest time’s over, kids, back to the match! After Hardcore gets out of the sleeper, Albert catches him with an elbow and goes for a Banzai Drop, but Hardcore gets his feet up, and drop toe holds Albert into the corner. He runs off the ropes and connects with a knee, then delivers The Best Dropkick in the Business™ and a series of chops in the corner. Hardcore flips out of a military press, and hangs up Albert on the top rope, but instead of the usual pull-off/face-buster spot which I still can’t really find a simple name for, he kicks him in the abdomen. Hardcore climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a cross-body (raiding Randy Orton’s moveset when he’s not around, eh?) for 1…2…Albert kicks out! Damn. Hardcore goes for the Alabama Slamma, but Albert fights out into a powerbomb, which Hardcore subsequently fights out of, and this time hits the Alabama Slamma (to the awe of Marc Loyd) for the 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Hardcore Holly, pinfall ** Albert in control of a match is, well, pretty dull. It wasn’t out and out terrible like Albert matches can sometimes be, but I’m not a fan of generic big-man offense (at least be like Kane and throw in a top-rope move every so often). Fellow Smarkboard member GreenMist and I were recently chatting on AIM about which WWE generic big-man jobber is worse, Albert or Mark Henry. In the end, it was decided that although Henry’s a worse worker, Albert’s the worst of the two because he doesn’t wear a shirt. So… if Albert went back to wearing a shirt, maybe, just maybe he’d switch spots with Mark Henry, jobbing on Smackdown! instead of Velocity, and nobody would be any wiser. Something to think about next time you’re watching an Albert of Mark Henry match… or not. wh00! COMMERCIALS! During the Break Wow, a “During the Break” segment on Velocity… can you feel the excitement? Despite Albert being the alleged heel and the one who lost (thus requiring his heat being brought back), it’s Hardcore Holly who gets in Marc Loyd’s face and bitch-slaps him. He’s only hitting Loyd because he’s afraid of a true MANLY announcer like my man Mickey C! Anyway, I appreciate the WWE attempting to work storylines into Velocity, but why not continue the Hardcore Porn vs. B&C conflict from last week? And they still didn’t explain why Hardcore would get in the face of a man who was supportive of him on commentary throughout the match. Boring Midcard Match “Gladiatori de Mullatos” Mike Awesome vs. “He’s A Former World Champion? Damn!” Faaaaarrrrrroooooqqqqqq Two guys we haven’t seen in a while – this is Mike Awesome’s second week back from injury, and Faarooq’s been off TV for whatever reason. The two lock up, and Awesome hits a series of shoulder-blocks and punches on Faarooq in the corner. Faarooq hits a back-drop, which gives Awesome such a fright that he rolls outside. Faarooq follows him out, hits a punch, and slams Awesome into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Faarooq hits a shoulder knock down, but Awesome hits a drop toe-hold and a clothesline and covers for 1…2…kick-out! Awesome scoop slams Faarooq, goes up top, and hits a cross-body, and strangely, instead of transitioning it into a cover like most wrestlers do, gets up and then covers. Either way it’s the same result, 1…2…kick-out! After various shots, Awesome goes for another cover, but Faarooq kicks out again. Awesome scores a clothesline, and covers again, but Faarooq kicks out. Awesome chokes Faarooq on the second ropes, but Faarooq comes back and the two trade punches back and forth, until Awesome locks in a camel clutch (which Loyd calls a rear chin-lock), jumping several times to increase pressure, but the last time Faarooq catches him with a knee, some chops, and catches him off a whip with a powerslam. Faarooq covers for 1…2…Awesome kicks out and hits a DDT, but doesn’t cover, which means the finish must be coming soon. Awesome runs off the ropes, but Faarooq catches him with a spinebuster for the 1…2…3? Damn! And da winnah is… Faarooq, pinfall * 1/2 This is one of those “at least it was short” matches. Most of the offense was generic brawling, and aside from the top rope cross-body, Awesome didn’t get to do a lot of the aerial and reversal (a.k.a. cool) stuff he did with Tajiri last week. I don’t know why Faarooq was off TV, but with the time he was off the air (at least a few weeks, maybe even a month or longer, to be honest I didn’t really notice he was gone) couldn’t they have found a new finisher for him? wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap “Mr. Klean” Kurt Angle vs. Hollywood Hulk Has-been In his short time on Smackdown, Brock Lesnar has made an impact by targeting both Kurt Angle and Hulk Hogan (oh, and some mind games thing with The Rock). After interfering in Angle’s match with Mark Henry and F5’ing Hulk Hogan, both men wanted a piece of The Brock. Both fought for the right to face Brock, and after an awkward DQ finish, Hogan was declared the winner. The match was pretty bad (but with a certain Has-been involved, that’s a given), but it was a little better than their recent PPV match because it was shorter. I didn’t appreciate Hogan kicking out of the Angle Slam and using his leg that was in the Ankle Lock for about a minute over the course of the match to give the big boot/leg drop much. But I forget, legends don’t have to sell, right brother? wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS! Interesting (read: Cruiserweight) Midcard Match “The Unpowerbombable” Billy Kidman vs. “The Sho Stopper” Funaki The two lock up, and after the two keep reversing each other’s tie-ups, Kidman finally pulls ahead with a face-buster and a quick cover for 1…2…FNK kicks out, nails Kidman in the face, and tosses him through the second turnbuckle outside the ring. FNK rolls outside and rams Kidman’s shoulder into the ring barrier. Ahh, the joys of psychology! Both men are back in the ring, and FNK covers for 1…2…Kidman kicks out, so FNK locks on an arm bar. After Kidman battles his way out, FNK dodges a corner splash and delivers a DDT, but wrenches up Kidman’s left shoulder so that the shoulder is worked as well. Nice! FNK then covers for 1…2….Kidman kicks out, so FNK continues to work the shoulder, culminating in another arm-bar. Kidman fights out, and attempts a suplex, but FNK reverses into another arm-bar! After Kidman fights out, FNK is on the apron, and goes to headbutt Kidman (probably to set up a sunset flip), but Kidman dodges and catches FNK’s head between the middle and bottom ropes with a leg drop! Back in the ring, Kidman hits a fireman’s carry to neckbreaker and a clothesline (with his other arm, of course) for 1…2…FNK kicks out. FNK hits an enzuigiri and covers for 1…2…kick-out, then gives another one of those single-arm DDTs for 1…2…Kidman kicks out again! All this time I can’t help but wonder, “If Funaki was anyone OTHER than the eternal jobber he is, he’d have locked in another arm submission and scored a win by now, but alas, he has to go for covers instead…” Anyway, FNK is getting as frustrated as I am, and goes up top, but Kidman meets him up top, and after a short exchange, Kidman comes out ahead and hits a hurricanrana! He covers for 1…2…FNK kicks out again, but the end is near. With his jobber mentality in full force, FNK goes for the powerbomb, but despite the universal law being broken a few times lately, when push comes to shove, YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN~! Kidman drags FNK into the corner, climbs up top, and like a Shooting Star across the midnight sky, wherever you are you’re gonna see him fly! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Billy Kidman, pinfall *** Kidman’s still holding his shoulder after the match, and that’s why he’s the man. Recently I was putting Kidman down, saying without the Shooting Star Press he was a great worker, but a little boring. While I still hold that position to a degree, I was impressed by how well he sold the shoulder tonight. During transition between moves, he was holding it and shaking it to try and get the blood flowing; even after the match he still acted like it was dead. Especially following a recap from a man who not only ignored his worked limb, but used it in his finisher, the psychology in this match was a breath of fresh air. wh00! EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap Still More GM Mayhem It looked like Bischoff had the upper hand this week, with the RAW debut of Team Canada and the re-debut of RAW is Jericho (which doesn’t really make sense anymore since it’s just RAW, not RAW is WAR). However, after Bischoff bought some guy’s tickets and sat in the front row, he was in for a shock of his own when none other than the Vanilla Midgets Chris Benoit & Eddie Guerrero made the jump, bringing with them the Intercontinental title and that rarest of rare occurrences lately, a clean win over The Rock! Backstage Segment Hurricane & Shannon Moore are discussing ways of getting Tank Abbott a WWE contract for a 3 Count reformation, when the focus of their conversation switches to their opponents in tonight’s main event, Billy & Chuck. Hurricane tells Moore that there’s no shame in losing to those two, because their opponents are former tag team champs, but reminds him that they’ve got to keep that sneaky stylist Rico in check if he interferes again. wh00! YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY COMMERCIALS! Main Event B&C w/ Rico vs. 1-2-Kickout! From opener last week, to main-event this week. Ironically, Hardcore Holly was in the opener this week, just like that quote from Detroit Rock City about how one year later, Blue Oyster Cult were opening for Kiss. Right, anyway… Hurricane and Billy are starting off, particularly Billy with some strikes and a shot in the corner. Hurricane recovers, dodges a clothesline, and hits a spinning head-scissors and Shining Wizard for 1…2…kick-out! Hurricane keeps the momentum going with a face-buster and another cover, but it’s broken up by Chuck, which brings in Moore for some double-teaming. Moore and the Hurricane separately work over Billy & Chuck in opposing covers, until Moore whips Chuck and Hurricane drop toe-holds him into Billy. Cool little double-team spot. After realizing he’s been made to look like a fool, Chuck thinks “to hell with this!” and clotheslines Hurricane and tags himself in. After some shots in the corner on Hurricane, Chuck hits a fall-away slam (shades of Scott Hall) and covers for 1…2…Hurricane kicks out, prompting Chuck to think “to hell with this!” and pick up Hurricane and ram him back-first into his corner and tag back in Billy. Billy hits a stalling jackhammer (shades of Goldberg) and tags back in Chuck. Are these quick tags the result of a well-oiled tag team, or the result of both men’s fear of a real-live superhero? Only time will tell as Chuck drops the elbow and goes for the cover, 1…2…kick-out! Second time’s the charm, as Chuck drops another elbow and covers again for 1…2…OK, maybe second time’s not the charm. Chuck locks in a sleeper, and the ref lifts Hurricane’s arm. It falls once… he lifts it and it falls twice… he lifts it the third and final time, the suspense is killing me, but it stays in a thumbs-up! Hurray! Hurricane hits Chuck with a top-rope neckbreaker, and both sides tag in. Shannon Moore is in, and nails a quick cheap shot on Chuck, then gets a few more expensive shots on Billy before hitting a neckbreaker on his opponent. Billy is up, but Moore’s made it to the top turnbuckle and hits a moonsault on the standing Billy! Moore covers, but Chuck breaks it up, which incites The Hurricane to come in for some more double-teaming. Hurricane and Moore hit a double back body drop on Chuck, then double clothesline him out of the ring. They attempt a double clothesline on Billy, but he ducks, and Rico pulls Hurricane out of the ring and the two exchange shots back and forth as Billy hits the Fameasser on Moore and covers for 1…2...2.75…Hurricane BARELY makes the save, and hits a chokeslam on Billy. Hurricane dons his cape and goes up top, but hits the cross-body on Rico outside of the ring instead of the fallen Billy. That’ll keep that stylist in check, by golly! Unfortunately, back in the ring, Billy is up, but Moore hits the ropes, crotching Billy. Before Moore can capitalize, Chuck comes in from behind and lifts Moore on his shoulders. Moore tries to go for a hurricanrana, but Chuck is too powerful, and Billy recovers and dives off! Doomsday device! 1…2…3! And da winnahs are… Billy & Chuck, pinfall (looks good to me!) *** I can’t remember what I gave this match-up last week, but this week seemed a little better. The double-team spots were great, and how cool is it to see a double-team end the match? I wonder if Billy & Chuck vs. Shannon Moore & Hurricane will be an on-going Velocity feud, or if this is the second and last time the two meet for now. I hope not, as I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing them meet again. B&C have shown themselves to be a pretty formidable team recently, after they’ve lost the tag team titles (what a touch of irony), and Hurricane & Moore still have that great Carolinas/3 Count magic going for them. Maybe they can pull in the win next time? Now then, time for my feedback-generating question. I enjoy feedback very much, but since nobody seems to be willing to give it to me, I must take drastic measures, and, in tweaking an idea from Dr. Tom, I haven’t hidden any literary references (for the simple reason that it’s the summer, and the only books I’ve read are Pure Dynamite and Lord of the Rings), but I will ask a weekly wrestling question. The spin is, these are questions where I don’t know the answer and am asking out of genuine curiosity, since I’ve “only” been watching since February 2001 and there’s a lot I still don’t know. So, drum roll please, this week’s question is… Why is it called a Shining Wizard? I’m guessing it’s named after a Japanese wrestler (since Marc Loyd announced it this week as not just a Shining Wizard, but a Japanese Shining Wizard) who popularized it, but who? E-mail the answer or any other feedback to me at [email protected]. And of course, if any of you are lucky enough to be living it up, don’t forget to throw a few dollars my way via my Amazon wishlist… Please? I’m too busy listening to Subsonic (if there are any Bay Area readers out there, 12-4AM on Live 105, with Aaron Axelson, one of my favorite radio shows EVER!) to write a proper send-off. See you in 7! Edward Robins [email protected] DVDaficionado.com list – Sure it's got nothing to do with Velocity... so what? Amazon.com wishlist – Since you’re going to waste your money, why not waste it on me? "To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about... [just] remember there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste." – John Waters Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
