Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted October 3, 2002 I’m going to start things off on a sour note, so forgive me. My sister’s been hogging the internet lately (separate computers, but only one phone line), so I haven’t been able to check my e-mail, but I only got one piece of feedback, even now that I added a Question of the Week! The question, of course, was “Why is it called a Shining Wizard?”, in honor of the Hurricane’s recent addition to his move set. The only feedback I got was from my friend, who told me that it’s Mutoh’s move, but he didn’t tell me why it’s called the Shining Wizard. Now, I don’t watch much puro or own any puro tapes (with the exception of SURVIVAL TOBIIIIITA!), so I’m going to hazard a guess here, hoping that my incredible incorrect answer will garner some feedback. So… Mutoh’s gimmick at the time was that he was a magician (think Oz, only Japanese and not a total laughing stock), and since he had recently won a championship belt, he was literally shining, thus when he “invented” that specific kick he dubbed it the Shining Wizard, in honor of being a wizard with a “shining” gold belt. Can ya dig it? No? Then write me with the correct answer, damn it! Please? Now, kick it into hyperdrive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, Velocity! Cruiserweight Opening Match Chavo “I’m Related to the Gobbledygooker!” Guerrero Jr. vs. Tajiri, “The Other Japanese Guy, The One Who DOESN’T Job Every Match” Requesting more feedback… someone help me come up with a humorous “nick-name” for Tajiri, as the one I have now is too long, and doesn’t quite do the trick. Anyway, the two lock up, and keep reversing each other’s moves, working in and out of front-headlocks, going behind each other, and flipping out. Finally, Tajiri pulls ahead with a snapmare and an arm drag, but Chavo follows up with a headlock takedown. Tajiri responds with a quick kick and a whip into the ropes. Coming off the ropes, Chavo tries a sunset flip, but Tajiri remains on his feet and walks over to the ropes, dragging Chavo with him the whole way. Tajiri rolls out of the ring, but Chavo follows and sends Tajiri hard into the guard-rail. Tajiri clutches his right leg in pain as Chavo begins to work the leg. Back in the ring, Chavo catches a kick, but Tajiri rolls through into a cover for 1…2…Chavo kicks out! Chavo locks in a couple leg submissions (I’m sorry I don’t know the proper names for these ones, but one of them involved Chavo arching Tajiri’s back and using his own head to put pressure on Tajiri’s leg), but Tajiri makes the ropes. After Tajiri gets off the ropes, Chavo is quick to apply another leg submission, but Tajiri fights his way out, and locks in the Tarantula! After the ref breaks up the hold, however, Chavo pulls off Tajiri’s injured leg and slams it hard onto the mat. Tajiri gets a nice backbreaker, but unfortunately used his injured leg for the pressure, so he clutches his leg in pain instead of capitalizing. Excellent use of psychology and “remembering an injury”. He makes it back to his feet, but Chavo dropkicks him in the face, and the two exchange various blows (mostly fore-arms and chops). Tajiri pulls in a German Suplex out of nowhere, bridging it for the pin and 1…2…Tajiri’s leg is too weak to maintain the pressure, and Chavo kicks out, as Tajiri again clutches his knee in pain. Tajiri is up (which, considering his injury, is probably a bad idea), and misses the moonsault, but lands on his feet, only to fall from putting such pressure on his injured leg. Ouch… Chavo capitalizes with a crucifix backbreaker and a cover for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out! Chavo goes back to working the leg, but Tajiri is on the apron and delivers a couple stiff kicks (mostly using his good leg, but after delivering one with his injured leg, holds it for a second to remind us he hasn’t forgotten his injury). Tajiri goes up again (showing he can remember an injury, but not what happened last time he went up), but Chavo pulls him off and goes up, but Tajiri catches him on the way down with the GREEN MIST~! for the D…Q…awwww! And da winnah is… Chavo Guerrero, Misty DQ *** This was a beautiful opener, but the finish was really awkward. Tazz (filling in for Michael Cole on announcing) said that Tajiri had to resort to the Misty DQ because he knew with his injury to his leg that he couldn’t pull through. This makes sense (his injured leg was the leg he uses for his stiff kick to the temple finisher, after all), although it still doesn’t seem like something Tajiri would do. I wouldn’t doubt him using the Mist, but not so blatantly that he’d get disqualified. Tajiri’s always shown himself to be more careful than that. If the WWE is going to give Chavo a win for a change, why not go all the way and have him hit a move off the top onto Tajiri’s leg and score a pinfall? I always liked Chavo (he puts on good matches, and, despite being forced into Spanglish like his Uncle Eddie, his mic work a few weeks ago wasn’t bad either) and I believe he deserves a higher position than jobber. wh00! COMMERCIALS! Cruiserweight (sorta) Midcard Match Rico, “Stylin’ & Profilin’ with the ‘70s Porn Star Sideburns!” vs. “The Sho Stopper” Funaki Tazz and Marc Loyd are talking about how Loyd takes styling tips and hangs out with Rico as the two lock up, and Funaki pulls out ahead with a small package for 1…2…Rico kicks out. It ain’t gonna be that easy! Funaki hits an arm drag and covers for 1…2…Rico kicks out again. Rico begs off, salutes FNK, and bows. FNK is confused, and bows as well, but Rico levels him with a clothesline for massive boos. This guy is such a great heel! Rico gets a series of shots on FNK in the corner, but FNK catches him with two arm drags and a drop-kick, which sends Rico out of the ring! Back in the ring, Rico is sent into the corner, but begs off again and offers his hand for a handshake. FNK accepts, but pulls in Rico, and the two exchange blows until Rico grabs Funaki and drops him into the turnbuckle for Snake Eyes and chokes him on the bottom rope. Rico hits some kicks and covers for 1…2…FNK kicks out. Rico takes FNK down with a roundhouse kick and covers again for 1…2…FNK kicks out again. Rico bodyslams him and covers for 1…2…FNK kicks out again, but this time Rico picks up his arm and lets it fall, “checking him” to see if he’s out enough to hit the moonsault. Rico’s satisfied with three arm-falls, goes up, but FNK recovers and rolls out of the way, dodging the moonsault! I guess three arm-falls isn’t enough. Continuing his bad luck streak, Rico also misses a corner splash, and FNK scores with a bulldog and covers for 1…2…No! Funaki keeps the pressure on, hitting an enzuigiri and catching Rico with a school boy for 1…2…Rico kicks out. Rico hits an arm drag and goes for a cover of his own for 1…2…FNK kicks out. Rico goes for a powerbomb, but FNK uses the top turnbuckle as leverage to flip out and give Rico a back body drop! FNK goes for a clothesline, but Rico ducks and hits a spinning heel kick and covers for 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Rico, pinfall ** 3/4 Another good match, not as good as the opener, but more enjoyable on its own terms because Rico is, simply put, the man. He has the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand, is the most over heel on the Smackdown! brand, and one of the few people on Velocity to gain a noticeable strong reaction every time. I’m starting to wonder why he has a simple spinning heel kick as a finisher though. Why not just let him hit the moonsault and have that for a finisher? Nobody else is using a moonsault right now. wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap Kurt “Mr. Klean” Angle & The Vanilla Midgets vs. Edge “No, Not the Shaving Gel”, John “Of Course He’s ‘80s Sting… Have You SEEN Those Tights?” Cena, & Rey Rey John Cena, the rookie who made Y2Jobber look like an even bigger fool than he already is, had a match with Angle on Smackdown. For no apparent reason, Chris Benoit jumped in for the CROSS-FACE!!! This DQ’ed Angle, and brought out Edge & Mysterio. Later on in the evening, after the seeds were sown for a possible Benoit/Angle II, it was established that the three were teaming up against “the next generation of the WWE”. In fact, it was a pretty good match, although near the end, when Edge got tagged in, he single-handedly destroyed all three heels, which is something I never like (not because it’s Edge, but because it’s unrealistic!). Rey Mysterio, the illegal man, got the win over Angle, which infuriated him… could this lead to a program for SummerSlam? There was recently a thread on this, and even though it wasn’t a popular idea, I still think it’d work and would be pretty interesting. wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS! Boring Midcard Match “Gladiatori de Mullatos” Mike Awesome vs. Bull “$#!+” Buchanan I don’t like to cuss, but you can figure out Bull’s clever nickname without too much trouble. Anyway, while I never cared much for Bull Buchanan (I only saw him a few times in real life, but I changed his name and appearance in No Mercy for an easy Booker T), he’s back anyway, and since this is his first time back, which can only mean Mike Awesome finally gets a win upon his return. Yay! The two big men lock up, and Bull pulls ahead with a series of shots in the corner, but Awesome takes over with a shoulder-block off the ropes and clotheslines Bull out of the ring. Not only that, he follows up with a pescado! Go get ‘im Mike! There’s a short exchange back on the apron, but Awesome gains the upper hand with a guillotine, then goes up top for a diving clothesline and a cover for 1...2…Bull kicks out! Awesome whips Bull into the ropes and telegraphs it, but Bull kicks him in the face! Awesome misses a corner splash, and Bull is up and hits a spinning clothesline off the top rope for 1…2…Awesome kicks out, proving just how Awesome he really is! Whew, that was some action, time for a rest hold! I mean, Bull locks in a grueling chin-lock, and somehow, some way, Awesome finds the strength to fight his way out and into a sitting position. That’s not enough though, because Bull still has to hit him when he’s down. Bull sends Awesome outside, and then into the ring-steps! Back in the ring, the two exchange blows, but Awesome pulls ahead with a German suplex and a clothesline! He goes up top, but spends too much time up there, and misses a top rope splash. He forces Bull into the corner, but Bull kicks him away, then pulls himself up to the top rope and gives a top rope leg drop for 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Bull Buchanan, pinfall ** This match was admittedly much better than I thought it would be, but it still wasn’t terribly exciting. Awesome still proved that he can fly as a big man though, and so did Bull (but I don’t think he looked as good as Awesome), but other than that I don’t see the point in bringing Bull back. What really pissed me off though, was that now we can officially chalk up Awesome as another guy who’ll never get a push, or in this case, even a WIN, in the WWE. Mike Awesome has jobbed three in a row, they could’ve at least jobbed the returning Bull to him just this once. wh00! AT LEAST THE COMMERCIALS GET OVER! Recap The Brock vs. Hollywood Hulk Has-been I don’t really feel like going too in depth with this one, although there was a pretty sweet promo video (albeit with Tazz on voice-over/narration for the last half [!]). Suffice to say, The Brock kicked out of many right hands and a leg drop, F-5ed Hogan’s ass and bearhugged him to internal bleeding and apparent death for the victory. Oh, and Brock’s title shot was also on the line. Can you imagine if it had been Rock/Hogan II at SummerSlam? wh00! COMMERCIALS RUNNIN’ WILD, BROTHER! The Main Event “The Alabama Android” Hardcore Holly vs. “No Longer Phat” Albert This is the main event?! Tazz had been bothering Loyd about how Hardcore slapped him for pretty much no reason last week, and sure enough, when Hardcore gets into the ring, he points and makes threats at Loyd (they still don’t explain why). Since Hardcore has his back turned, he doesn’t see the CLOTHESLINE FROM ALBERT KNOCKING HIM OUT OF THE RING~! Sorry, I’ve got to try and add excitement somehow. Albert slams Hardcore into the ring-steps, but misses a running splash and hits the steps himself. Back in the ring, Albert military presses Hardcore and covers for 1…2…kick out! Albert whips Hardcore into the corner, and gives him a series of slaps, but Hardcore fights his way out with some chops and shots of his own. Albert whips Hardcore into the ropes, but Albert telegraphs it and Albert kicks him in the face. Albert gives him a gut-wrench backbreaker and pulls him to the edge of the apron, where Albert goes outside and gives Hardcore several cheap shots. Albert goes back inside the ring, and slingshots Hardcore between the first and second ropes, and covers for 1…2…kick-out! Albert pulls Hardcore to the apron and gives him another cheap shot, then goes for a running splash, but Hardcore recovers and gets in a kick to Albert’s head. Hardcore rams Albert into the ring-post, and delivers some more shots. They take it back into the ring, where Albert falls victim to The Best Dropkick in the Business™ and a cover for 1…2…kick-out! Hardcore gets in more shots to the corner on Albert, and Albert misses a corner splash (you’d think after all these missed running splashes he’d give up!). Hardcore is off the ropes with a flying clothesline and another cover for 1…2…kick-out! Hardcore goes up top, but Albert hits the ropes and racks ‘em up, causing Hardcore to fall to the ground as Albert needlessly provides extra taunting and set up for the Baldo Bomb. Since he held off for so long, Hardcore is recovered enough to easily fight his way out of the otherwise fatal move! Instead, Albert hits a bicycle kick, and covers for 1…2…the tenacious Hardcore kicks out again! Albert argues with the ref, and Hardcore goes down for a school boy, 1…2…3! Wha? That was the finish to the main event? Post match, Albert knocks Hardcore outside, but Hardcore whips him into the steps. Satisfied, Holly goes over to bother Loyd, but Rico saves the day with a super-kick (remember, earlier in the program Loyd revealed that he goes to Rico for styling tips and that Rico’s a friend of his), probably setting up a match (main-event?) for next week. And da winnah is… Hardcore Holly, pinfall (Best School Boy in the Business? That sounds dirty...) ** Eh, for an Albert vs. Hardcore Holly match, this wasn’t that bad, but it’s not really saying much. There were still too many basic brawling/exchange of right hands type spots to make it really worth watching. I still like how they’re attempting to work in angles though, even if they all seem to focus around Hardcore Holly, who is now definitely the “King of Velocity”. All hail King Holly! OK, given that last week’s Question of the Week was pretty much a complete failure, I’ll make this week’s NOT a trivia question that I don’t know the answer to, but rather, an opinion question. Bob “Hardcore” Holly has been with the WWF/E for a long time (almost a decade, maybe longer, I honestly don’t know for sure), but to my knowledge has never really been over. In my opinion, he’s a good wrestler, but he has a pretty plain move-set and no character. In this case, is “company loyalty” really worth it? Also, if you disagree with my view of Hardcore Holly, feel free to e-mail me as well with why you disagree and if you think they’re doing the right thing with Holly making him the “King of Velocity”. E-mail me at the usual address, [email protected]. Jesus, it’s 3:50AM… I’ve really gotta stop trying to write a column while having the boards open. See you in 7! Edward Robins [email protected] DVDaficionado.com list – Request away! Amazon.com wishlist – Since you’re going to waste your money, why not waste it on me? "To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about... [just] remember there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste." – John Waters Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
