WWE Heat Recap: August 11th, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Hey yo…

 

Yup, it’s a dirty job. A dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it, and that someone is me. From now on, I’m the Heat recapper, bringing you play by play and insight on probably the worst show the WWE puts out right now.

 

Before I start, a quick shill for my board. RD Reynolds, founder of Wrestlecrap, has adopted my forum as the Wrestlecrap fan forum. So if you’re a Crap fan, be sure to check out my board! There's a link to it at the bottom of the article.

 

Anyway, time for this week’s trip to the batcave:

 

RAW Recap: Who (NOT JIM NEIDHART!) hit Shawn Michaels?

The show starts off with a video package of Triple H turning on Shawn Michaels by delivering the WORST PEDIGREE EVER during the DX reunion segment. Clips of the infamous Who hit Steve Aus… err Who smashed Shawn Michaels’ head through the car window angle are shown. The whole angle was a waste and ruined HHH’s heel heat. It basically confused the fans. HHH is a face one-minute, gives a tweener promo, then a heel, then acts like a face because he’s concerned about his “buddy” Shawn, and then of course, he turned heel AGAIN, by admitting he was the culprit. The angle was a whole waste of time. I’m no HHH fan, but they should have gone off the HHH turning on Shawn at the DX reunion thing instead of making the entire angle confusing. Oh, as a side note, they used the Dungeon of Doom’s entrance music in this segment! Thanks to wOw poster Aceysimba for calling that to my attention.

 

*Opening Credits*

 

The pyro goes off, and its time for another installment of MTV’s own, WWE Heat! Your announcers are Jonathan Coachman and D’Lo Brown.

 

Match One: Planet Stasiak vs. Shelton Benjamin

Woo, I’m sorta hyped for this one because I missed Benjamin’s big debut last week. I’ve heard nothing but good things about him so far, so I’m sorta expecting some good stuff tonight, even if he is against Stasiak. For those who don’t know much about Benjamin, he too has an amateur wrestling background and came up through OVW, where he tagged with Brock Lesnar.

 

Benjamin has a pretty generic theme. What else is new? He’s got blue tights and pads, not a terrible look for him, but he could stand to have better attire. Anyway, the bell rings, and they tie up. Stasiak shoves him off, and Benjamin comes back at him with a club to the back of the neck. The ref separates the two. They tie up again, and Stasiak whips around into a waistlock. Benjamin reverses it into a waistlock of his own, and slams Stasiak to the mat face first. He goes right into a front facelock, which is reversed by Stasiak by rolling out. Benjamin grabs Stasiak’s arm and gives him the dreaded ARM TWIST OF DOOM. He tries for a standing armbar, but Stasiak pushes him away. Benjamin gets it locked in, but Stasiak backs him into the corner. Benjamin turns him around and pushes him into the turnbuckle, with the lock still hooked on. Stasiak slaps Benjamin, and gives him a few right hands. Irish whip by Stasiak, reversed by Benjamin but Stasiak knocks him down with the shoulder block. Stasiak jumps over Benjamin and Benjamin gets back up. Stasiak runs back at Benjamin, who goes for a leap frog, but its botched and Stasiak sold it like a clothesline. That was… weird looking. Cover, Benjamin hooks the leg… kickout after two. Benjamin pulls off a sweet looking armdrag, and goes right back to working on the arm.

 

Nice psychology from Benjamin so far. Stasiak powers out and gives Benjamin a few more right hands. He whips Benjamin into the ropes, and tries for a clothesline, but Benjamin ducks under. He tosses Benjamin over the top rope, but Benjamin holds on and pulls himself back in. Benjamin catches Shawn off guard and tosses him off the top rope. Side note, Stasiak has new tights. They’re black and they have a shooting star on the back and say “STASIAK” on top. Not bad I guess. Stasiak pulls Benjamin to the outside, and gives him a nice vertical suplex. Stasiak rolls back in the ring and Benjamin follows a few seconds later. Stasiak stomps away, and backs him into the corner. He keeps stomping away, and gives him a foot choke. Jeez, this match is getting dull. Stasiak hits the back suplex for 2. Snapmare by Stasiak, into a butterfly lock with a knee in the back. Benjamin slips out, and whips Stasiak off the rope. He comes back, and Benjamin gives him a cool looking roll up… long 2 count. The crowd is getting into the match a little bit now. Benjamin comes off the ropes and tries for a crossbody, but Stasiak catches him, and powerslams him. Stasiak is getting a chorus of boos, pretty decent heat. Stasiak goes to lift him up, but Benjamin gives him a stiff kick right in the eye. Stasiak hits him with a right hand, but Shelton fights back, and they’re brawling. Benjamin hits some jiu jitsu looking punches, and whips Stasiak. He catches him with a shoulder block; the momentum of the match has changed hands (thank god!). Clothesline and another whip, into a baaaaaack body drop (TM, Vince McMahon). Cover… 1…2…KICKOUT! Benjamin gets whipped into the corner, but Stasiak is met with a boot to the face. Benjamin lunges at him, but Stasiak hits him with a mean spinebuster! Long 2 count. Stasiak argues with the ref, and stomps away. HE tries for a suplex, but Benjamin slips behind. Benjamin tries for a superkick, but Stasiak grabs his leg. Benjamin spins out of it, and hits a STIFF ASS ROUNDHOUSE KICK! WOOOO! That was sweet! That’s it, Benjamin wins! Blah match, but not too bad. Benjamin impressed me with his kicks and psychology. Stasiak didn’t sell the arm too well, well, he didn’t actually sell it at all. Benjamin gets a decent reaction from the crowd.

*3/4

 

Recap: D’Lo vs. Raven on last week’s Heat.

Subtitled: A feud absolutely NO ONE gives a fuck about. D’Lo rules and all, but Raven is just… old and broken down. Switch Raven and D’Lo’s roles, but drop the only on Heat stipulation.

 

The segment sets up for a match tonight.

 

COMMERCIALS!!! WOOO!

 

Kane vignette: The Fire Still Burns

Well, I guess Kane is coming back soon. The vignette features his “Forcible Entry” theme and shows him chokeslamming people and crap, but everything is tinted red. Pretty cool, his “Forcible Entry” theme is decent. I’m not so hyped for his return, but hey, Kane’s a decent big man, and puts on some decent matches. I’m not complaining.

 

Match Two: Sean “The Warlock” O’Haire (He’s on TV??? WOW!) Vs. Justin “The Human Penis” Credible

O’Haire apparently has a new theme, by Neurotica. Hmm, the sign of a push? NAH! New tights too, almost identical to the old ones, but on one leg the flames are red. The old ones were cooler if you ask me. Here comes Just Mediocre. Man, he’d make a great Johnson brother in NWA: TNA. One thing I’ve noticed about Justin’s theme. It HAS LYRICS! Listen closely, I swear they’re in there. The crowd is pretty dead for the both of them; Justin gets very little heat.

 

The bell rings, and we’re off! They tie up, Justin twists the arm, and O’Haire reverses it, twisting Justin’s arm and sending him down to the mat. Another twist by O’Haire, and Justin flips over onto his back. Justin kip ups and gives O’Haire an arm twist of his own, which is again reversed. Eventually, he shoves Justin away and spears him, and not a good-looking spear either. Another tie up, but Justin is backed into the corner. Justin punches O’Haire, but O’Haire shakes it off like a true hoss. He choke tosses Justin, followed by a hiptoss and an armdrag, right into a shoulderlock. Justin fights out and trades blows with O’Haire, until O’Haire gives him a boot to the gut, and snapmares him. Kick to the back, and O’Haire goes to the top. He flips off the top, and gives Justin a neckbreaker type move. Decent stuff. O’Haire tries to charge at Justin in the corner, but The Human Penis moved out of the way, sending O’Haire into the ring post. Justin keeps working on the arm, drags O’Haire across the ring to the corner, and slams his arm into the ring post. O’Haire sells it pretty well. He shoves Credible , but winces in pain. Credible keeps working on the arm, but O’Haire brawls out, and hits a nice powerslam. He’s still selling the arm nicely. He hits him with some left hands, but keeps selling the arm. Big chop, followed by a superkick for a 2 count. Damn, now there’s an overused move. O’Haire comes off the top, but Credible catches him with a… ta da! Superkick! Wow, twice in a row. Two count. O’Haire picks Credible up, and gets him in the Fallaway position. Instead of a fallaway, he throws him up and gives him a DVD! HOLY SHIT that was sweet! They’re calling that move “Cruel Intentions.” How… lame, considering there’s a teen movie of the same name. Oh, the Cruel Intentions put Credible down. Another blah match. New tights, music, and finisher for O’Haire though, could this be a sign of a push? I wouldn’t mind it, he’s a good, young, versatile big man.

*3/4

 

Skeletor… err Terri is standing by with Whacko Stevie Richards and the Vanilla-ist Midget of them all: Spike Dudley

Looks like these two ECW alumni will be having a match tonight… err, last Monday. Spike says that the match is just for fun, a straight up one on one match. Stevie feels differently, and thinks Spike doesn’t have a chance. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Hogan>. Yeah they keep talking; Steve talks about beating Spike with Various moves, which LSD laughs at. Spike jokes about Skeletor beating Stevie for the Hardcore title. Silly Spike, don’t you realize that title means nothing?

 

Commercial time!

 

BUT WAIT! First they shill Moolah’s book! There’s one wrestler book that won’t crack the top 10!

 

X-TREEEEEEEMMMMMMEEEE Blast of the Night:

From the Jericho RVD segment on RAW. Jericho’s spinning heel kick is the blast of the night.

 

RAW Recap: Chris “JTTS” Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

This was a pretty good match. Only problem is… is that JERICHO LOST AGAIN! I like RVD, but damn, will Jericho EVER WIN a match AGAIN? He hasn’t won since beating John Cena in Cena’s second match, if I remember correctly. Completely and utterly ridiculous. Side note, Flair strutting to RVD’s music was… HILARIOUS! Oh well, I guess this continues the Flair/Jericho chronicle, and that’s one battle Jericho should win.

 

More commercials. Wait, that’s it? Just a recap and a Blast of the Night? Whatever…

 

WWE Boot of the Week

Dudleys beating up Big Show. *YAWN!*

 

Match Tres: WHACKO Stevie Richards vs. LSD

Stevie is using Kronik’s old music. I guess we’re not supposed to remember Kronik’s WWF run, after that horrible match they had with Undertapper and Kane. Twas possibly the WORST match of 2001. They start off talking smack, and Spike catches Stevie off guard with a few rollups. Stevie charges at Spike and misses a clothesline, and is met with a hiptoss. He tries for another, but it’s reversed, but Spike turns it into a backslide. Another two count. Spike gets thrown into the steel ring post, and Stevie stomps away. He gets him up, and gives him three vertical suplexes for a 2 count. Neckbreaker by Richards, and another two count. Richards pounds away on Spike, and gives him a foot choke in the corner. A knee to the face, and ANOTHER SUPLEX.. wait, no Spike reversed it, and tried for the Dudley Dog (what a lame name!). Richards shoved him right into the turnbuckles though. Full Nelson by Richards, and the ref does the “pick the arm up 3 times” thing, but Spike reaches the ropes. Richards holds on for a few more seconds. Richards rolls outside and gets a steel chair. He sets it in the corner. Spike catches him off guard with an atomic drop, followed by a Bulldog. Spike tries for a Dudley Dog, but Stevie shoves him away again, and grabs the chair. He clocks Spike over the head with it pretty hard, and the ref calls for a DQ. Another blah match. Decent heel heat for Richards. He starts acting all WHACKO, WOOO… by hugging the chair.

*1/2

 

And now, a word from our sponsors.

 

RAW Recap: Triple H/Shawn Michaels

Didn’t we get this crap at the start of the show? Oh, right, HHH even has to eat up two segments on Heat. You know the story, HHH admitted to it. He got relatively NO reaction, I guess everyone was confused. Oh well, looks like they’ll be having a match… errr.. “fight” at Summerslam. I think it’s a pretty safe bet that this match will blow donkeys, and any other farm animal Dennis Knight has anally violated.

 

Main Event: Skee-Lo Brown vs. Raven

D’Lo gets a decent pop and Raven gets decent heat. Wait a second, without D’Lo, Coach will have to handle a match on his own! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Wait! Raven comes out on crutches, and claims he sprained an ankle so he can’t fight. WOOO! Oh shit, he has a replacement. It’s… SALVATORE SINCERE… err.. Johnny the Bull Stamboli. Stamboli gets little reaction, despite being a TWO TIME, TWO TIME WWE HARDCORE CHAMPION! D’Lo starts off with some punches and kicks and an Irish whip that’s reversed, but D’Lo pulls off a Sunset flip for the two count. Nice clothesline by Stamboli, followed up by bashing D’Lo’s ninja turtle-like skull into the top turnbuckle. He hits D’Lo with some punches and kicks in the corner, followed by a blatant chokehold, broken at the 4 count. Irish whip by Stamboli, reversed… Sunset flip by Stamboli, but D’Lo rolls out and hits Stamboli with a dropkick to the face. Stamboli misses a clothesline, and is met with some hard right hands from D’Lo. Whip by D’Lo, followed by a baaaaaaack body drop. Stamboli gets right up, but is hit with a heel kick by D’Lo. Cover… 1…2…KICKOUT! D’Lo tries to whip Stamboli to the corner, but Stamboli reversed it. Stamboli goes for an avalanche, but D’Lo moves out of the way and hits The Bull with a scoop slam. D’Lo does his posey leg drop, but Raven distracts the ref so D’Lo can’t go for the cover. Aw shucks. D’Lo pulls the ref away, but Raven cracks a crutch right on D’Lo’s skull. The ref didn’t see it, and Stamboli hits the “Fogetabouit!” Yes, that’s what they’re really calling it. Good god. It’s a urinage (Rock Bottom) like manuver. Edge and Matt Hardy do the same move, basically a sit out Rock Bottom. Stamboli gets the 3 count and the W. Poor D’Lo. I thought he had the win here for sure. Pretty short, and nothing special.

*3/4

 

Bottom Line:

Nothing special at all, but nothing terrible. Besides Shelton Benjamin, there was nothing notable on this week’s show.

*3/4

 

“Longfellow couldn’t have said it better.”

 

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