Metal Comment/Losing Matches

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Good show... congrats to Brody on beating what I consider to be nearly my best effort.  My losing match...

 

We return to the SJL action as Axis and Edwin Macphisto sit back, relaxin', stylin' and profilin' behind their desk o' destiny!  Yes, it's true, the IGNJL looked dead in the water for a while, but the metamorphosis into the SJL will be the end of the rebirth!  As I count my blessings that I haven't typed nad instead of and yet, I'll send it to Axis and Edwin at the Metal desk.

 

"(Axis) WELCOME BACK TO THE FIRST SHOW OF THE SMARKS ERA!"

"(Edwin) Whoop-de-dee, I'm your color commentator, Edwin Macphisto, blatantly ripping off Axis' job!"

"(Axis) And I'm Axis, alongside Edwin Macphisto, and what a show we've seen so far tonight.  We started off with Wicked Style vs Kojack in the first match of the Smarks Era, and what a way to ring in the smart marks!"

"(Edwin) Absolutely, Axis.  The two young'uns showed a lot of character… so much so that it should've been a bra and panties match!  Oh ho ho, I crack myself up sometimes!"

"(Axis) Wow… also tonight, a Triple Threat between Ced Ordonez, Tomcat Thomas Menias, and a returning Josh Tupper!  Boy, that was one hell of a mediocre match!"

"(Edwin) Yes indeed, Axis, and next we'll see the first title defence of the Smarks era!  It's Mike Van Siclen, OUR Television Champion, going one-on-one, head-to-head, mano-a-mano, person-versus-person, with the Hardcore Spot Machine himself, Shawn Brody!"

"(Axis) So, right now we'll send it to Funyon for the announcements!"

 

"(Funyon) LADIES and GENTLEMEN!  The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall, and it is for the SMARKS JUNIOR LEAGUE TELEVISION TITLE!"

 

Blue lights start to strobe as “Darkest Days” by Stabbing Westward picks up over the speakers. A few seconds into the song, Shawn Brody steps out from behind the curtains to a fair sized mass of cheer as he slaps the hands of fans on the way to the ring.

 

"(Funyon) Introducing first, the challenger!  He hails from Dallas, Texas... weighing in a 224 pounds... SHAAAWN BRODY!"

 

Shawn rolls into the ring, ready for action as he awaits the sound of "Runaway", by Linkin Park, as the lights go back to normal and the song dies down.

 

"(Axis) Listen to the ovation that the crowd is giving Shawn Brody, even now!"

"(Edwin) This crowd really seems to like the Hardcore Spot Machine, almost as much as they hate…"

 

Edwin is cut off as "Papercut" by Linkin Park kicks up as the arena goes dim.  Suddenly, two blue spotlights shine down on MVS and his beautiful escort, Melissa, as the two slowly strut down to the ring.  About five seconds later, the spotlights go off, and WHAM!  A blast of white pyro illuminates Mike and Melissa as the two run down and slide into the ring, MVS posing on the turnbuckles as Melissa follows behind.  Mike Van Siclen gets down, grabbing the mic from Funyon as he is about to announce his name.

 

"(Mike) Now, Shawn Brody, you and I, we don't have much history.  I mean, I kicked your ass two weeks ago on Crimson.  But, when you think about it, I've kicked everybody's ass at least once.  But guess what, Brody?  Tonight, you get lucky.  Because tonight, you get to have Mike Van Siclen kick your ass… one… more… time!  Can you believe that, Brody?  Well, you damn well better, because that's what I said!"

 

Mike casually tosses the mic out of the ring as the referee for this contest, Herbert Washington, calls for the bell.

 

:::Ding Ding Ding:::

 

Van Siclen and Brody charge each other right from the start, the slightly weaker and smaller Brody getting the upper hand with a swift chop across Van Siclen's chest.  MVS doubles over, clutching his midsection as Brody double axe-handles him down.  Brody picks up Van Siclen and puts him into a headlock, but Mike grabs Brody's other arm and spins, circling Brody's body and putting him into a painful hammerlock!  Brody manages to get his arm loose, though, and spins around MVS, putting him into a hammerlock of his own!  MVS calls out with a slight yelp of pain, but, noting his opportunity, catches Brody with a boot to the balls that Washington doesn't catch!  Brody's hands move swiftly from Van Siclen's arm to his jewels, as he goes to his knees, Mike Van Siclen turning around and looking at Brody's fallen form as the crowd boos him mercilessly.

 

"(Axis) A solid exchange by Van Siclen and Brody starts the match, but Van Siclen gets the better of Shawn with a cheap shot to the Spot Machine's genitals!"

"(Edwin) Do you like saying the word genitals on the air, you Bobby Riley wannabe?"

 

Van Siclen absorbs the boos for about five seconds, before going over to Brody and picking the six-footer up by his pretty-boy blonde locks.  He goes to whip Brody into the ropes, but Shawn reverses it and sends Van Siclen into the ropes.  MVS comes back… and Brody scores with the armdrag!  MVS gets up quick and charges Brody, but Brody grabs him by the arm and whips Van Siclen into the ropes.  Mike comes back… and gets hit with a high leg clothesline, courtesy of the Hardcore Spot Machine.

 

"(Axis) Van Siclen can't get any offence going, as Brody hits him with a high leg clothesline!  Did you hear Van Siclen's neck snap back on the impact of that move?"

"(Edwin) Oh yeah, fruitcake.  Van Siclen got nearly decapitated by that leg clothesline from Brody!"

"(Axis) Let's check it out on our Double Feature!"

 

They show the picture-in-picture on television, a replay of Brody's leg clothesline on Van Siclen on one corner of the screen, and Brody picking up Van Siclen on the rest.  The live portion goes full screen as Brody double underhooks Van Siclen, signaling to the crowd for the Finishing Touch, but Van Siclen jerks his head up, low-blowing Brody once again, as once again kindly old referee Herb Washington misses it!  Brody lets go and falls forward again, but MVS is quick to pick him up, sliding outside of the ring and going to grab a chair!

 

"(Axis) Brody calls himself the Hardcore Spot Machine, but it looks like Van Siclen is about to show Shawn the true meaning of hardcore!"

"(Edwin) And look at Herbert Washington following him!  Our referee doesn't know what ballgame he just got himself into.  (yelling) IT AIN'T EXPOS/MARLINS ANYMORE, BUCKSHOT!"

 

Washington taps Van Siclen on the shoulder, and as MVS turns around the referee berates Mike, yelling at him that he's going to be "counted out" if he doesn't "get his ass back in the ring."  Mike looks at the ring, looks at the chair next to him, and looks at Herbert Washington.  He proceeds to put Herb into a DDT position, raising his fist in the air for the benefit of the booing crowd!  He whirls around, slamming the referee's face into the mat with a two-handed facebuster!

 

"(Axis) CODE RED ON HERBERT WASHINGTON!  My God, our referee looks to have been knocked out cold!"

"(Edwin) He just took a lethal Code Red from Van Siclen, of course he's out cold!"

 

Van Siclen grabs the chair, throwing it into the ring.  For good measure, he grabs Funyon's chair as well, throwing it into the ring.  He slides in himself, looking up… to see Shawn Brody looming over him, chair in hand coming SMACK! down on Mike's head!  Van Siclen's head drops as Brody rolls him over for the cover… and what would be a one-two-three-four-five, but he then realizes that the referee is out for the count!  Discouraged, Brody slides outside of the ring, grabbing Washington and shaking him to try and revive him.  The referee slowly gets up, groggy, and follows Shawn into the ring.

 

"(Axis) Shawn Brody very nearly had the pinfall over Mike Van Siclen, but without referee Herbert Washington, it don't make no nevermind!"

"(Edwin) Brody needs to learn strategy, eh, you lily-livered fruit?"

 

The referee slowly climbs into the ring as Brody, already there, picks up Van Siclen and goes to work on the Edge-like wrestler.  Brody chops Van Siclen across the chest once, eliciting a huge WHOOO! from the crowd and backing Van Siclen into the corner.  Brody follows him, stalking Mike as he bashes Mike in the face with a forearm.  He does it again, twice!  Thrice!  Four!  Five!  Six!  Seven!  Eight!  Nine!  Ten!  Eleven!  Twelve! forearms to the face of the Amazin' one, as Van Siclen is now in Stinkface position on the buckle.

 

"(Axis) Shawn Brody catches Van Siclen with twelve forearms in the corner, and Mike is writhing in pain in the corner!"

"(Edwin) That absolutely had to hurt, but Brody hasn't put Van Siclen away yet, by any means!"

 

Brody picks up Van Siclen from the corner, sliding outside the ring as Washington starts to count.  He goes to the ring post, picking up Van Siclen's body and grabbing him under the chin, pulling Van Siclen's head back along the post.  The crowd roars as Van Siclen screams in pain, a grimace forming on his face as the ref counts to four, at which point Brody breaks the hold.  Brody climbs inside, whipping Van Siclen into the other corner and meeting him with a vicious club to the chest.

 

"(Axis) Brody dominating right now, and he's showing off a mean streak that none of us have ever seen before!"

"(Edwin) True, Brody is going wild on Mike Van Siclen, but it could be he's got some pent up anger against the Amazin' One.  I mean, come on, mi Aussie amigo, who -doesn't- have a little anger built up against Mike Van Siclen?"

"(Axis) Point…"

 

Brody grabs Van Siclen by his long hair, putting him in the middle of the ring and double underhooking him, signaling to the crowd for the Finishing Touch!  The crowd, shocked at Brody's recent mean streak, still roars, as Brody picks MVS up in position for the Finishing Touch (Double Underhook Piledriver)… but Van Siclen manages to find some bit of strength and Hurricanranas the Hardcore Spot Machine!  The crowd erupts in boos as Van Siclen stands up, mouth wide open, breathing heavy, as he brushes his long black hair out of his face and drops down for the pin on Brody.

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-" NO!  Brody kicks out!

 

"(Axis) Brody tries to finish the match early, but Van Siclen shows amazing athleticism, Hurricanrana-ing the Hardcore Spot Machine and very nearly retaining the Television title!"

"(Edwin) Yeah, Axis, but you've got to do more to Shawn Brody than just reverse his finisher to beat him!  Van Siclen almost got lucky, but Brody's going to keep bringin' it to him."

 

Van Siclen gets up, still breathing heavy, and lifts Brody to his feet as well.  He gets his head under Brody's, and sits out, coming down with a Sitout Jawbreaker on Shawn.  Van Siclen pops up as Brody falls backwards, scaling the turnbuckle and looking down at Shawn Brody, who lay flat on the mat underneath him.

 

"(Axis) Talk about hardcore, baby!  Van Siclen is looking to hit Siclen's Gambit on Brody!"

"(Edwin) Well, Brody tried to put away the match earlier, and he failed.  Will Van Siclen's attempt fail as well!?!"

 

MVS looks both ways, the crowd booing him mercilessly as he thrusts one hand into the air, bouncing a bit on the ropes before leaping off, somersaulting in mid-air, pumping his arms and legs to make it a Shooting Star Frog Splash, and looking down at where Brody… should be, but instead, he sees nothing but mat!  Van Siclen braces himself as he hits the mat HARD, clutching his ribs as he bounces up and lands on his back, a sitting target for Shawn Brody, who climbs the ropes and comes off with a brutal Guillotine Leg Drop across the shoulder of Van Siclen!

 

"(Axis) Van Siclen misses Siclen's Gambit, and Brody takes advantage with a Guillotine across Van Siclen's shoulder blades!"

"(Edwin) Look at Van Siclen!  He's writhing in pain on the mat.  I don't think he's ever wrestled anybody the caliber of Shawn Brody!"

 

Brody stands up quickly, eyes afire as he picks Van Siclen up.  He whips the taller man into the ropes, waiting for him to come back and LEVELING him with a spinning wheel kick to the jaw!  Van Siclen goes down as the CRACK sound that the kick made echoes throughout the arena!  Brody does not bask in his glory, though, instead picking Van Siclen up -again-, bending down and putting MVS into a Fireman's Carry!  He signals to the crowd, who roar in anticipation!

 

"(Axis) Brody is going to try to Spiked Mike Van Siclen here!"

"(Edwin) The Spiked is a lethal move, lethal enough to put the Amazin' one down for the count!"

 

Brody quickly shifts from a Fireman's Carry into a Michinoku Driver, slamming Van Siclen's head into the mat to complete the Spiked!  The crowd roars as Brody grabs Van Siclen's ankles and pulls them back over his shoulders to cause a pinning predicament.

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-" NO!  Van Siclen kicks out!

 

"(Axis) Shawn Brody hits the Spiked on Mike Van Siclen, and very nearly scores the pinfall on Mike!"

"(Edwin) The problem is the pinning hold he used.  It's very difficult to hold a pin on a man when he can simply roll out of it!"

 

Brody looks flustered, but quickly gets over it and picks up Mike, whipping him into the ropes and bending over for a back body drop, but Van Siclen kicks him in the chin, cutting off all momentum!  Brody looks stunned, backing up a bit, and Van Siclen capitalizes by Spearing Brody!  Brody goes down hard as MVS rolls out, bouncing off the ropes and implanting an elbow into Shawn Brody's gut!

 

"(Axis) Van Siclen Spears Brody, then hits him with an elbow drop!"

"(Edwin) That one'll change the momentum, but can Van Siclen keep up the pace after the vicious beating that Brody has been laying on him so far?"

 

Van Siclen heads to the outside; standing on the ring apron and posing for a few seconds, soaking up boos from the crowd.  He climbs the turnbuckle, looking down as Brody beneath him and pumping his fist in the air, garnering even more boos for his cockiness as he leaps high into the air, pumping his legs and arms and coming down stomach-first with a huge Bullfrog Splash on Brody!

 

"(Axis) A beautiful Bullfrog Splash by Mike Van Siclen!"

"(Edwin) He's keeping the pace fast, and I love it!  Oh yeah!"

 

Van Siclen quickly hooks Brody's leg, pulling WAY back for the pinfall attempt!

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE-" NO!  Brody just barely gets the shoulder up, and he holds it in place for a second!  Van Siclen looks irate, shoving Brody's shoulder back against the canvas and lifting his leg off the mat again, screaming at the ref to count the fall.

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE-" NO!  Brody barely gets the shoulder up -again-, and -again- Mike shoves his shoulder back to the mat, lifting the leg once more and, veins popping, screams at Washington one more time to count the fall!

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE-" NO!  Brody once again gets the shoulder up, and Van Siclen angrily grabs his blonde locks, hauling him to his feet.

 

"(Axis) Mike Van Siclen trying to tire out Brody, making him kick out of three straight pinfall attempts."

"(Edwin) I don't think Van Siclen was trying to tire Brody out, Axis.  I think he was legitimately pissed that he couldn't keep Shawn's shoulders on the mat."

 

The Amazin' One looks at Brody, now standing, and debates what the hell he should do in his mind.  Blockbuster Suplex?  Nah… Crucifix DDT?  Nah… Van Slaminator?  Nah… but Van Siclen thinks too long, as Brody makes his decision for him!  Shawn whips Mike into the ropes, catching him and hitting a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker on Van Siclen!  MVS goes down hard, and Brody hooks the leg, looking for the pin!

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE-" NO!  Brody audibly asks "Why, his shoulder never came up!"  Washington points to the ropes, where Van Siclen's foot lay on the ropes!

 

"(Axis) Van Siclen gets his foot on the ropes!  This match will continue!"

"(Edwin) Brody and Van Siclen have both come SO close to finishing this match off, but neither have been able to end it!"

 

Brody picks up a dazed Van Siclen, kicking him in the stomach before flipping, wrapping his legs around MVS' neck and sending Mike to the canvas with a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors!  Van Siclen goes down with a THUD that echoes throughout the building, and looks to be out cold, as Brody hooks the leg, trying for the pinfall!

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREe-" NO!  Two and 9/10, but Van Siclen still manages to kick out!

 

"(Axis) VAN SICLEN KICKS OUT!  VAN SICLEN KICKS OUT!  THE MATCH CONTINUES!"

"(Edwin) CALM YOURSELF, AXIS!  THE MATCH ISN'T OVER YET!"

"(Axis) I KNOW!  THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO DAMN EXCITING!"

 

Brody looks INCREDIBLY frustrated, slamming his hand down on the mat as he picks Van Siclen up, whipping him into the ropes and trying to hit him with a spinning wheel kick, but Van Siclen ducks!  Brody turns, to see Van Siclen coming at him with a full head of steam!  Brody tries to get out of the way, but MVS hits him with the Night Train Necktie (Neck-high tackle used by Dick "Night Train" Lane of the NFL)!  Brody hits the mat HARD as Van Siclen drops down to his knees for the cover!

 

"(Washington) ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THRE-" NO!  Once again there is a kickout!  The crowd goes nuts as there is just enough light between Brody's arm and the canvas to constitute a kickout!

 

"(Axis) AND BRODY KICKS OUT THIS TIME!  THIS MATCH IS SO DAMN EXCITING!"

"(Edwin) Axis, don't wet yourself or anything, we haven't even gotten to the Main Event yet."

 

Van Siclen slams a fist down on the mat, visibly upset, before regaining his composure and lifting Brody to his feet.  He whips Shawn into the ropes, setting him up for a back body drop!  Brody comes within two inches of being hit with the Van Slaminator, but hits the brakes and kicks Van Siclen in the jaw!  Mike stands up, rubbing his chin, as Brody springboards off the ropes and dropkicks MVS in the jaw again!  Mike backs up, hitting the ropes, where he stops, and Brody charges him, clotheslining the both of them over the top rope!

 

"(Axis) This match is in a whole new world now!"

"(Edwin) Jesus Christ, Axis, this isn't Aladdin, it's a wrestling match, and they're not in a whole new world, they're on the outside of the ring.  (sarcasm) WOW!"

 

Brody stands up quickly, picking up Van Siclen with him and whipping him into the barricade!  MVS crashes into it and falls backwards, where Brody charges him, leaping over and securing his feet on the barrier before backflipping off, hitting MVS with a stunning Moonsault!

 

"(Axis) MOONSAULT BY BRODY!  Brody hits a Moonsault on Van Siclen with the assistance of the barrier separating the wrestlers from the crowd!"

"(Edwin) A breathtaking Moonsault by Brody, for sure, but he fails to realize that YOU CAN'T SCORE A PINFALL OUTSIDE THE RING YOU DUMBASS!"

 

Brody seems to listen to Edwin, picking up Van Siclen with all intent of rolling him into the ring… but Van Siclen stops him, grabbing Brody by the head and slamming his head into the steel ring post!  Brody steps back a few feet, and Van Siclen grabs Brody by the arm, whipping him into the steel ring steps, which Brody flips head-over-heels over!

 

"(Axis) OUCH!"

"(Edwin) OH MY GOD!  We just saw all of the generic outside the ring spots except for the table breaker!"

 

Van Siclen goes around the steps and picks Brody up, going to slam his head into the steel ring post once more, but Brody stops him, grabbing Van Siclen by the head, running parallel to the ring and WHAM!  Brody slams Van Siclen's head into the rubber matting with a huge Bulldog!  Brody suddenly has a burst of more energy, picking up Van Siclen and hooking their legs together, bringing MVS and himself down with a Russian Leg Sweep!

 

"(Axis) A Bulldog and a Russian Leg Sweep by Brody onto Van Siclen!"

"(Edwin) Is there any doubt that it's Shawn Brody's match to win or lose?"

 

Brody rolls MVS into the ring, grabbing Van Siclen as he slides in himself.  Brody stands up, standing up Van Siclen too, and double underhooks the Amazin' one once more!  He goes to pick him up for a piledriver, when suddenly WHAM!  Kojack charges into the ring, through the crowd, and grabs Van Siclen's title belt, clocking Brody in the back of the head with it.  Brody stumbles a bit, and Kojack hits him with it again, this time in plain view of referee Herbert Washington, who immediately calls for the bell.

 

"(Funyon) Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, by disqualification, SHAAAAAAWWWN BROOOODY!  However, titles cannot change hands via disqualification, so still Television Champion, MIIIIKE VA-AN SIIIIICLEN!"

 

"(Axis) Brody was SO close to hitting Van Siclen with the Finishing Touch, but Kojack managed to save the Television Title for MVS by clocking the Hardcore Spot Machine in the back of the head with Van Siclen's own TV title!"

"(Edwin) Yes, and even though Shawn Brody won the match, the Television Title does not change hands!"

"(Axis) Look at Brody in the ring!  He is absolutely LIVID!"

 

Listen to Axis, as he knows what he's saying.  Brody sits in the middle of the ring, slamming his fist down on the mat as Kojack holds Van Siclen up by one arm, MVS clutching the TV title in his other arm.  The two back up the ramp, Van Siclen blown out while Kojack is slapping him on the shoulder, when suddenly… CRACK!  A hooded figure slams a chair down on the head of Van Siclen!  Kojack turns around, and gets a chair shot of his own!  Another joins the hooded assailant, as the two stomp the American Wild Side on the entrance ramp!  Brody charges out of the ring and joins in the three-on-two assault on the American Wild Side, and they soon cease, as Brody and the two masked persons quickly ditch the seen, leaving a bloody Kojack and a bloodier MVS laying on the ramp.

 

"(Axis) Brody won the match AND the battle, but fans, be assured that the war between these two men is not over!  Van Siclen is going to be looking for revenge, but in the meantime, me and Edwin will be back with more SJL Metal, right after this!"

 

Fade to commercial for Clan hoods and sunglasses…

[Guest Renegade]

nice match MVS, anyway a good show all the way i thought, even though i wasnt told anything.........

[Guest Muzz]

Damn Junior League punks...

 

Get my freaking character right. Read my promos. Do something. Sacred is not as boring as Axis.

 

He's 'evil'...

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

DAMN!!!

 

No!  Not the Clan!  Not again!

 

That's right, Pete!  And you never saw it coming!

 

Great show, folks.  Really.  Had me on the edge of my seat.

 

Rankings will be released tomorrow instead of today as it's time for the monthly update.

[Guest Christian_Fury]

DAMN!!!

 

No!  Not the Clan!  Not again!

That's about what I said when I saw that...

 

*Sly grin*

 

Message to the Clannie Boys: Stick around for my return... I have a score to settle... Heh heh heh.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Good show all.  Holy cow, THE CLAN RETURNS!!

 

That was damn cool.

 

Oh, and let me tell you all this.

 

Erek Taylor's match was the funniest thing on earth.  Unfortunately, it couldn't win because there was little to no wrestling in it, but I just want to point out that I wish it had because it was so freaking hilarious!  I'll just tell you, Ash got knocked out by a boomerang and Erek pinned him.  How funny is that?

 

Erek, if you're around, post that match man.  Let everyone enjoy what I spent 30 minutes laughing about last night.

 

Da "still laughing today" H

[Guest Chaos]

MUAHAHAHAHA*hack*HA*cough*................

 

 

Um, yes!  I have joined the Clan!  You will all bow down to our evil.......... ness.

 

*reads out of the evil handbook*

 

The rivers of the world will turn bread with your BLOOD!!

 

Wait, thats not right.......

 

*checks again*

 

Oh wait........ lemme start again.

 

Aw, screw it.  Good show by all, nice match by Ced, new TV champ who's EEEEEEEEEVIL, Annie's scary, and general confusion over the changeover.

 

And on to Crimson we go........

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

I was supposed to have this promo be on Metal, but I couldn't get to the Smarks site last night. So here it is now.

 

--------------------------------------

 

Mafia had just won against Flexxx in the Hardcore Submissions match, victoriously winning back his fiance Candra! As the gassed out Flunkmasta Flexxx slowly gets back up from the tormenting pain that he had suffered from Mafia's ultimate submission maneuver, Mafia walked away with Candra following. As they exited the arena, they exited with hand in hand. Flexxx had lost what could have been the woman of his life? his most devoted love.

 

Axis : "Oh no! Flexxx's heart has just been shattered. I wonder if he'll ever get over it!"

 

Edwin : "So what? He's a porn star! He can get poontang whenever he wants!"

 

Axis : "That's shallow, Edwin! even Flexxx isn?t that bad!"

 

Edwin : "I'm not shallow... I'm 200 pounds of flash and panache! Look at me flex my panda-wrangling muscles! RARRR!"

 

Axis : "You scare me, Edwin. Anyway, Mafia's probably walking to the parking lot, to take Candra back home."

 

Edwin : "AND HAVE WILD, DIRTY MOB SEX! WITH A MOB OF HOS! A TWENTYFIVE-WAY! HAHAHAHA!"

 

As Axis looks weirdly at Edwin, the camera focuses in on Mafia and Candra as they walk through the exit hallways. As Candra looks despairingly at her boyfriend and wonders if she should've stuck with Flexxx anyway, Mafia keeps on staring coldly at his destination, not blinking for a second. All he cares about is keeping his prized possession, and keeping it on a tight leash. Eventually, Mafia and Candra see a bright light.

 

The parking lot lights.

 

Mafia points at the car, and orders Candra to get inside the black limo. Meanwhile, Mafia looks around for signs of Flexxx.

 

Axis : "He seems fairly paranoid for such a skilled ring worker. What could possibly threaten him?"

 

But from a faraway distance, somebody was watching the TV in a hallway, and saw Flexxx get annihilated by the sinister Havoc?s mobster. Through his burnt, distorted face, he showed a sign of deep anger and remorse.

 

"Fleeeeeeexxx..." the man slowly said, with an almost inaudible sigh under his breath. With that said, he walked away.

 

Axis : "Huh? Who was that?"

 

Edwin : "Whoever he is, he's not supposed to be here. I better call security!"

 

Mafia looked around some more, and headed back to his car while Candra was shaking all over from nervousness. As Mafia opened the door, he heard a deep breath. Immediately stopping in his tracks, a man tapped on Mafia's shoulder. Mafia was speechless and nervous as hell, but he reluctantly turned himself around.

 

??? : "You hurt... my friend..."

 

Mafia : "What the hell?"

 

??? : "Your end has come... you must DIE!!!"

 

Mafia : "Holy sh--"

 

Before Mafia could finish his sentence, he was grabbed on his throat by two huge, pasty-white hands that shook with bitter rage! He looked into the eyes of his offender... and his face suddenly had a look of total shock!

 

Axis : "AHHHHH! IT'S REAPER! THE REAPER, IAN COULL, HAS RETURNED TO THE JL!"

 

The remorseful English titan powerfully threw Mafia against the car's hood, and Mafia almost fell onto the floor from the impact of his spine crashing against the painted-black metal! Mafia shook in terror, until he finally fainted, suffering a painful fate. But that wasn't the end, yet. Reaper's bloodlust wasn't yet satisfied! The Dark Reaper, Ian Coull, grabbed Mafia's unconscious head and rammed his fist into Mafia's face! Then Reaper made a painful smack on Mafia's chest with his big hands!

 

Axis : "WHOA! What an agonizing slap! If Mafia was conscious, he would have the worst look on his face right now!"

 

Edwin : "If Mafia was wide awake, Axis, he would have sh*t his pants! What an unbelievable monster!"

 

Then with one huge swoop of the forearm, Mafia got knocked down onto his knees! Ian Coull positioned the unconscious mobster's head in between the legs, took one deep ominous breath, and Reaper grabbed Mafia's stomach to lift him up. Mafia was put on Reaper's shoulders, just hanging there like a dead corpse. And with one grunt and one brutal thrust, Mafia was launched into his own limousine! As the cold mobster went neck-first through the windshield, the glass shattered all over the inside of the car! With absolute terror, the quiet Candra now shrieked at the top of her lungs!

 

Axis : "AAAA... AAAAA... THE END! MAFIA'S ONE MOMENT OF VICTORY HAS JUST... BEEN... ENDED!!!"

 

As Flexxx slowly made his way onto the scene, barely being able to walk, he caught sight of the horrible scene and shivered in terror! Shaking in his boots, Flexxx slowly cussed under his breath and walked backwards.

 

Flexxx : "R..R..R..Rrreaper!?"

 

Ian : "For you, friend..."

 

Flexxx couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he carefully walked away from the bloodied parking lot. Horrified to death and gravely confused, he just could not face Reaper eye to eye. So he left!

 

Axis : "Ohhh man! This is the mark that Reaper has left on the federation! On his totally unexpected return! Who can realistically stop this huge giant! We don't know his intentions-"

 

Edwin : "So what? He's slow! big guys fall harder!"

Axis : "How do you know all this stuff!? How could you possibly say-"

 

Edwin : "Just drop it, Axis. We need to move on with the show!"

 

Axis : "But, but..."

 

Edwin : "NOW! The EMTs can take care of Mafia, and we have security here to escort Reaper! Now let's just move on with the show! OK?"

 

Axis : "..."

 

Edwin : "OKAY!?!!?!"

 

Axis : "...Fine. It's over. But now, the raging Pokemaster will take on stablemate Erek in a match, with a stipulation that Erek picks!"

 

Edwin : "You mean a 'how high you can get' match?"

 

Axis : "*sigh* Let's just go on with the commercial!"

 

(fade to black)

[Guest ErekT2k]

Heh, I knew I'd lose. Give me 15 minutes and I pulled out a 2000 word wonder. And because of the SWF's champ's request, here's the match where Ash gets knocked out by a boomerang!!!!!  And I don't think there was any wrestling in it at all.

 

START:

 

Scrambling to get his match done, Erek Taylor jumps into his computer desk quickly after getting home and turns on his suave writing program, the program known as Wordpad. A quick switch to Text format and Taylor starts typing down rapidly in hopes he will finish this before the deadline.

 

----------------------------

 

The commercials briefly end because let's face it, everybody's talking about commercials but who actually describes them with detail? That's right, nobody. Anyways, SJL Metal comes back to air on its inaugural show. We're at the Sydney Superdome and the Australian fans who are hungry for wrestling are on their feet, cheering as loud as they can because these are the only times they will be seen.

 

"(Axis) Welcome back everybody to *S*JL Metal!"

 

"(Edwin) Yeah, good riddins of that IGN name. Had me confused."

 

"(Axis) You know, this new name really fits you Edwin."

 

"(Edwin) How so?"

 

"(Axis) The name is short, as is all the times you've had with a lady."

 

Writer's note: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DIIIISSSSSS!!! Gotcha back Mac Daddy! Erek Taylor style too!

 

Before Axis can start anymore senseless commentating, the lights in the arena dim to a pitch black as spotlights take off and begin shining down across the arena. The slow beats of "Toxicity" slowly enchants the crowds, and the spotlights move in unision to the music. Suddenly, a blinding light reveals itself at the top of the arena, taking air and diving straight down to the ramp, igniting in a giant mass of pyrotechnics! Clouds of mist begin to conceal the curtains and as the lights come back on, the shadow of Erek Taylor blazes down the ramp.

 

"(Funyon) The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the right to name a stipulation for the European Title Matchup! Introducing first, from Anaheim, California, weighing at 215 pounds, he is the SJL European Champion, EREK........ TAAAAYYYYLLLLOOOOORRRRR!!!"

 

The Australian fans in this Sydney city erupt in deafening cheers as Taylor mindlessly spins around without his European Belt because all the belts have been sent to a factory in China for remodeling. The words on the belt still says "IGNJL". Taylor races down the ramp and rolls in as "Toxicity" slowly fades and is replaced by Ash Ketchum's entrance music. And since that fool hasn't posted his stats on the new board yet, you're hearing Britney Spears singing "Oops! I did it again!" right now. Ash comes out to Britney's music with a groove to his hips and a smile on his face. Misty is nowhere to be seen but who actually gives a damn. Ash races into the ring and because we have to hurry time up, Axis and Edwin won't get a word before the match starts.

 

"(Funyon) And his opponent, from Pallet Town in somewhere land, weighing somewhere between 200 to 300 pounds, Ash Ketchum!!!"

 

The fans let out enormous boos, not because Ash is a bad guy but because these Australian fans would rather see another Presidential scandal than see a Pokemon cartoon show.

 

"(Axis) A-"

 

HEY! You can't say anything!

 

"(Axis) Why the hell not?!"

 

Because I'm writing this match and you can't interrupt me because I can just make you take your pants off and make you go dancing topless in the crowds!

 

"(Axis) ......"

 

That's better. Let the match begin!

 

Ding ding ding!!!

 

Ash and Erek Taylor shake hands at the center before parting ways and circling the ring in unision while glaring at each other. These top starts quickly lock up at the center and Ash takes advantage with a hammerlock. Cranking up the pressure as fast as he can, Ash tries to put the pain on Taylor's neck area but Taylor spins around and shoves Ash to the ropes. Ash rebounds hard and ducks a Taylor clothesline before racing off to the opposite ropes. Ash comes racing back and brings a knee into Taylor's gut, flipping him over into a kitchen sink.

 

"(Axis) Kitchen sink by Ash Ketchum."

 

"(Edwin) Can I say something?"

 

"(Axis) What?"

 

Yes, you can Edwin.

 

"(Edwin) I just think that you rock alot and can you maybe give me a boomerang?"

 

Certainly.

 

"(Edwin) Thanks."

 

A boomerang flies in from the crowds and Edwin catches it in the air. A very happy Edwin indeed, sits back in his chair and looks profoundly at his new toy. Back in the ring, Ash brings Taylor back up and decks the Prince of Fury with a hard right. Ash brings another right into Taylor's chin, knocking the Euro Champ further back before finishing it with the touch of a flying dropkick. Taylor stumbles back into the corner and Ash leaps back to his feet and races in, head first and aiming at Taylor's midsection. Taylor anticipates the manuever and uses the ropes to pull himself up before rolling down Ash's back and pulling the Pokemaster down into a Sunset Flip!

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THRE- NO! Ash kicks out at the last second.

 

"(Axis) Great counter by Erek Taylor!"

 

"(Edwin) Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

 

"(Axis) Whatever you do, just don't throw it."

 

"(Edwin) I'll sure try."

 

Both competitors jump back up and lunge towards each other. They engage in a grapple with Ash getting the upper hand yet again. Ketchum grabs Taylor by the wrist and whips him to the corner before adding some more damage to the Euro Champ with a clothesline. Taylor staggers forward and Ketchum retaliates with a standing clothesline that knocks Taylor down flat on the mat. Ash quickly darts to the ropes, bouncing off and walking in to drop an elbow into Taylor's gut. Taylor grimaces in pain but manages to slowly get up as Ash comes in with another clothesline attempt.

 

"(Axis) Erek Taylor getting back up now."

 

"(Edwin) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

 

"(Axis) What the hell are you doing?!"

 

"(Edwin) My boomerang!"

 

"(Axis) Oh geeze!"

 

Taylor ducks with ease and spins around, laying across Ash's chin a fist to make his money's worth. Ash gets knocked back a bit as Taylor lays out an ongoing onslaught of rights and lefts that put Ash Ketchum on the buckle, cornered. Taylor lets it all out, laying across a kick to the gut, a fist to the gut, a fist to the face, anything that moves, Taylor will hit. Ash tries to collapse but Taylor pushes the Pokemaster back up and whips him to the ropes. Ash Ketchum comes racing back and Taylor times it all perfectly, leaping up at the right time and with his weight, pushes Ash down on the mat before circling a right hand around Ketchum's neck. Taylor starts choking away while punching Ketchum's face in a frenzy with his free hand.

 

"(Axis) Flying Morale! Erek Taylor with the Flying Morale!!"

 

"(Edwin) Greeeaaatttt......"

 

"(Axis) You're paying attention now?"

 

"(Edwin) Well I just purchased some paint from this front row fan right here and I'm painting my boomerang as we speak. I'm going to flame it and then dry it with this handy Australian blower!"

 

"(Axis) Where the hell did you get the blower?"

 

"(Edwin) Who actually cares!"

 

"(Axis) You're right. Just don't blow me."

 

"(Edwin) Excuse me? I'm not like that Axis. And I'm offended that you would think of me in that way."

 

"(Axis) What way?"

 

Taylor continues to punch away until finally, the referee restrains the young Prince of Fury. Taylor races back in and with limited time, shoves Ash over to the corner and lays out a hard chop across the Pokemaster's chest.

 

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!"

 

Taylor lays out another chop.

 

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!"

 

SMACK!

 

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!"

 

SMACK!

 

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!"

 

Taylor shakes his wrist and lets Ash stagger forward before driving an elbow into Ketchum's face. Ketchum, dizzy, staggers around while Taylor squares up and shoots a boot into the Pokemaster's face! Superkick! Taylor quickly scrambles down to make the cover.

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE- OH MY GOD!! Ash reaches up and quickly pulls Taylor over and locks in the cradle!!

 

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE- and yet again Erek Taylor slips away!!

 

"(Axis) WHAT AN AMAZING COUNTER BY ASH KETCHUM!"

 

"(Edwin) Yes, I think we may be seeing a new beginning here."

 

Both wrestlers slowly stir to their feets with Ash gaining some momentum here. Ketchum lunges forward and decks Taylor with a hard right, staggering the Euro Champ back. Ketchum lunges forward yet again and lands in a hard chop. Taylor tries to retaliate with a desperation manuever, a clothesline that had no aim, no swing and definetly no effect to it. Ash easily ducks under and quickly locks in the sleeper hold.

 

"(Axis) Sleeper Hold applied."

 

"(Edwin) Wow. Just a few minutes ago, these fans were booing the hell out of Pokemon and now they're all silent."

 

"(Axis) Well, you see, the SmarksTron is playing Birthday Girl as we speak. It is a great movie and that's why nobody's paying attention to the match except me."

 

"(Edwin) Birthday Girl?! Nicole Kidman?! Forget the whole federation, I wanna see this movie!"

 

"(Axis) And there, my faithful listeners, is another example of how short Edwin's attention span is."

 

Ash continues to put on the sleeper, trying to choke the hell out of his fellow XF9er. Taylor tries desperately to reach up but can't get a grip on Ash's head. Taylor feel his lungs gasping for air until finally, the Sleeper Hold ceases to put anymore pressure on the High Flying Prince. But as always, some things are too good to be true and in this case, it is. Ash lets go of the Sleeper so he can lock in the Full Nelson before hoisting Taylor into the air and slamming the Euro Champ to the mat with the Lullaby Of JigglyPuff!! The referee doesn't even see a damn thing because he's too into the movie. Ash goes for the cover......

 

 

 

 

 

....... and nobody sees it. Well, except Axis.

 

"(Axis) REFEREE!! THERE'S A COVER! ASH NAILED THE LULLABY OF JIGGLYPUFF AND HE MAY BE WINNING THIS MATCHUP!"

 

"(Edwin) ......."

 

"(Axis) REF!! REF!!!"

 

"(Edwin) Hey, shut up! You're ruining it for everyone."

 

"(Axis) But the ma-"

 

"(Edwin) Shhhhhhh!"

 

"(Axis) What has this world gone to?!"

 

BANG! The man in the movie pulls out a gun and starts firing and Edwin lets out his happiness by throwing the boomerang into the air as hard as he can!

 

"(Axis) Uh oh."

 

The boomerang slowly gains leverage and dives back down, flying fast towards Edwin MacPhisto. The JL Commissioner swiftly ducks and lets the boomerang fly pass. As the boomerang flies past, all the fans duck under, avoiding the most dangerous weapon in Australia. The boomerang then turns directions and heads back towards the ring. Ash is still inside, yelling at the referee who's not paying attention to the matchup. Ash doesn't even see it coming as the boomerang suddenly hits him on the back of his neck!

 

 

SMACK!!

 

 

The boomerang bounces into the air and comes crashing down at a slower speed and hits the referee on the top of his head. The referee yells out with a "OWEE!" and turns around, to find Ash Ketchum and Erek Taylor both lying motionless in the ring. The referee starts the painful countout but he's quickly interrutped as Erek Taylor slowly crawls over and puts a hand on Ash Ketchum's chest.

 

"(Axis) EDWIN!"

 

"(Edwin) Well sorry....... I didn't know that the boomerang could be *this* dangerous."

 

"(Axis) Edwin, you may have indeed cost Ash this match."

 

"(Edwin) HEY! I ALREADY SAID SORRY!"

 

The referee slowly gets down to count, still holding his head in pain as he slaps the mat.

 

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!

 

Ding ding ding!!!

 

The bell sounding signals for the Smarkstron to shut off and all the fans' eyes peel back to the ring. "Toxicity" slowly begins to play as Funyon begins to cry and Axis is forced again to take the job.

 

"(Axis) ::sighs:: The winner of this match because of my partner's stupidity, Erek Taylor."

 

Quickly and swiftly, the Smarkstron begins playing back "Birthday Girl" and all eyes from this Australian crowd turns back to the giant movie screen. Instead of fading to black, Erek Taylor and Ash Ketchum roll out of the ring and stagger up the ramp together.

 

Ungrateful fans.......

 

"(Axis) Well, Erek Taylor gets to choose the stipulation of the European Title matchup also between Ash Ketchum."

 

"(Edwin) Well, that is if Ash doesn't beat him in this contendership matchup."

 

"(Axis) What do you mean? We just saw Erek Taylor win!"

 

"(Edwin) Oh yeah, that's right. I must be losing my mind into some other world."

 

"(Axis) Probably."

 

"(Edwin) Can I have another boomerang?"

 

Only if you promise not to throw it in anymore matches.

 

"(Edwin) I promise."

 

"(Axis) Who are you talking to?!"

 

-Fade to Black-

[Guest Shawn]

Talk about having a good day (night)... I just won the coveted TV title (yes it is, damn you!) and joining the most dominant force in the WF...and now JL (oh, it will be)?

 

I hope you guys will like my new ring style. Brody is taking a 180 turn and going heel with new sadictic moves... Before I held myself back from using cool blood letting weapons (that was a main reason I did so poorly on the hardcore match...) to keep my babyface thing goin on...now there's no more holding back.

 

Well it's time to turn MVS into the face he wants to be so I'll get writing.

[Guest Christian_Fury]

Oh.. MyGOD!!! Erek's match is probably the funniest thing I've read in ages!!! It definitely wouldn't have won, but DAMN! It gets the "A" for pure hysterics! Nice one, nice one indeed!