Rob E Dangerously 0 Report post Posted October 7, 2002 Scheduled so far: Bradshaw v. Norman Smiley Head Hunter A and Kamala v. Albert and Head Hunter B Mattitude takes on Randy "Bah Gawd" Orton Bull Buchanan faces RVD in a 'HOSS' Strap match Hoss, the Ultimate Hoss faces Billy Big Show and Sid take on Shawn Michaels and Abortionist in a 'wacky tag team partners who hate each other' match for the 'Tag teams suck' Tag Team titles Triple H puts over a young talent to elevate their career Jerry Lawler faces La Parka in an 'over the top, off with the top' match Vince Russo takes on a great sports entertainer for the Big Gold Belt Vince Russo comes out for the nightly punishment matches. The offenders who had the best match were Augusto Romano, Vic Grimes, X-Pac and Marty Jannetty. Since X-Pac and Marty couldn't help it and Augusto and Vic are in jail, the runnersup get punished. The runners-up are The Ultimate Warrior, Ric Flair, Kane and the Undertaker. So, the following matches are to be made tonight. Ultimate Warrior v. Honky Tonk Man and then Ultimate Warrior faces a mystery man in a 'Guitar on a Pole' match Ric Flair takes on Viscera in a 'Table' match Kane faces Test in a cage match The Undertaker will face Kevin Nash in a 'Car' match, with Ric Flair's car and, to make it up to X-Pac and Marty for having to wrestle, they get rewards. X-Pac faces a former WWE employee in a Diaper match and Marty Jannetty will take on a former horseman. Now, to the action! Head Hunter A explains his turn saying that he thought that he could help Kamala get his groove back Head Hunter A and Kamala defeated Head Hunter B and Albert when Head Hunter A defeated Head Hunter B by disqualification in 0:13:07. Rating: 1/4* The match ended with Hoss, the Ultimate Hoss running in and then running off with Albert saying "IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO BE THE HOSS THAT YOU ARE!" Meanwhile, Bradshaw pledged to put the 'Screaming' back on Screaming Norman Smiley. [sodomy Match]: I-Quit Match: Norman Smiley made Bradshaw submit to the Norman Conquest in 0:08:05. Rating: *** Norman screams in celebration saying "Don't mess with me", he goes the Big Wiggle, before Vince Russo walks in and gives him the evil eye, commenting "Dat match was boring Norman! Why don't we bring Ralphus back?" Mattitude stole JR's pants, for some reason. Randy Orton pinned Mattitude with the Leg Swinging Neckbreaker in 0:07:43. Rating: * 3/4 After the match, Randy Orton returned JR's pants to JR Hoss, the Ultimate Hoss pinned Billy Gunn with the Oklahoma Stampede in 0:02:36. Rating: DUD After the match, the Four Hossmen (Randy Orton, Bull, Albert and Hoss) beat up Billy for 'not being intense enough' They lock up. Rob Van Dam nails Bull Buchanan with a kick to the head. Rob Van Dam leaves the ring. He returns with a chair. Rob Van Dam takes the chair. Rob Van Dam takes Bull Buchanan down with a split legged moonsault with the chair. The crowd is cheering on Rob Van Dam. Rob Van Dam is going for the pin. James Beard counts: One, two, three. The crowd is going crazy. The winner is Rob Van Dam. Time of match: 0:00:31 Strap Match: Rob Van Dam pinned Bull Buchanan after a split legged moonsault in 0:00:31. Rating: * Rob Van Dam pointed to himself as Vince Russo grumbled at Rob for his 'lack of mic skills' Now, in an extension of the 'Bikers v. Homosexuals' feud The Disciples of Apocalypse (Don Harris and Ron Harris) defeated Jeff Hardy and Alex Wright when D. Harris pinned A. Wright with the Big Boot in 0:05:51. Rating: DUD Test is A-OK after his match last week Cage Match: Test defeated Kane by escaping the cage in 0:09:07. Rating: -1/4* Test leaves the cage, then David Flair runs out, kicks him hard and pours hot coffee down his pants. Test sells for the first time in his career. Table Match: Ric Flair defeated Viscera by putting him through a table in 0:01:59. Rating: -* The Undertaker comes out to scout Ric Flair for the Ministry, deciding Ric wasn't 'evil enough' for the job Honky Tonk Man pinned The Ultimate Warrior with the Shake Rattle'n'Roll in 0:05:47. Rating: -1/2* Honky Tonk Man sang after the match, until Jim Duggan ran out with a foam 2x4 to pummel HTM senseless and the former Horseman is... MONGO Coal Miner's Glove Match: Marty Jannetty pinned Steve McMichael with the Showstopper in 0:05:50. Rating: -** 3/4 Marty was congratulated in the back by Russo for his SE-quality match Car Match: Kevin Nash defeated The Undertaker in 0:05:35. Rating: * 1/2 Kevin Nash drives off.. until his new car starts to float and the Undertaker delivers a speech. Nash, the car and the Undertaker ascend to heaven to the jeers of the fans. The Abortionist hits Sid Vicious with a kick. The Abortionist whips Sid Vicious into the ropes, but Sid Vicious reverses it. Sid Vicious hits a bodyslam on The Abortionist. Sid Vicious gives the sign for the Power Bomb. Sid Vicious executes the Power Bomb on The Abortionist. Earl Hebner counts: One, two, Shawn Michaels doesn't make it in time... three. The Abortionist complains about a fast count. All of a sudden, the boos are turning into almost unanimous cheers. The winners are Sid Vicious and Paul Wight. Time of match: 0:12:29 Sid Vicious and Paul Wight defeated Shawn Michaels and The Abortionist when Vicious pinned Abortionist with the Power Bomb in 0:12:29. Rating: -* After the match, Shawn steps back as Ted DiBiase, Sting and Nikita Koloff walk off to 'witness' to The Abortionist. They walk to the back The mystery man is.. Jeff Jarrett. Jeff says 'slapnuts' in preparation for the Warrior Guitar on a Pole Match: Jeff Jarrett pinned The Ultimate Warrior with the Stroke in 0:05:49. Rating: -3/4* Buff Bagwell throws X-Pac out of the ring. Tim White counts: one, two, three, X-Pac reenters the ring. Buff Bagwell goes for a fireman's carry, but X-Pac blocks it. X-Pac runs into the ropes. Buff Bagwell hits X-Pac with a kick. X-Pac does the Bronco Buster. He goes for the pin. Tim White counts: One, two, three. The crowd is booing X-Pac. The winner is X-Pac. Time of match: 0:09:07 [Diaper Match]: X-Pac pinned Buff Bagwell with his special move in 0:09:07. Rating: 3/4* Buff shakes his head as he has a diaper put onto him.. but that was not enough.. Freaky 1998 Goldust and Luna come out to take Buff to the back. For the next match, the women in the match are.. for Jerry Lawler: Kitty the 15 year old for La Parka: Nicole Bass [Over the Top, Off with the Top Match]: No-Countout-No-DQ-2-Man Battle Royal: Jerry Lawler won a 2-man Battle Royal: x Lawler threw out Parka after an atomic drop in 0:03:32 Rating: *** The fans boo loudly at this result. Russo comes out and blasts them for not having enough T&A, he then uses telepathy to make Kitty strip before starting a Lesbian makeout session. Russo promises doom for Lawler and Parka. Triple H chills before elevating another man That man is Rey Misterio Jr Triple H hits Rey Misterio Jr. with an elbow. Triple H executes the Pedigree on Rey Misterio Jr.. Quite a few boos are audible. Triple H goes for the pin. Tim White counts: One, two, three. A wave of boos is going through the crowd. The winner is Triple H. Time of match: 0:02:04 Triple H pinned Rey Misterio Jr. with the Pedigree in 0:02:04. Rating: ** 1/4 Russo's opponent, a great former WWE champion, is Chyna. Handcuff Match: Vince Russo pinned Chyna with the Crash TV in 0:05:20. Rating: -**** 1/2 (Vince Russo retained the Big Gold Belt.) After the match, Russo orders another Lesbian orgy, until the lights go out and we hear drumbeats, the crowd cheers at GILLBERG~! runs out to spear Russo. Fade to black. Punishment matches for Show #5: Bradshaw v. Jeff Hardy in a 'Sodomy, I-Quit' match Norman Smiley v. Chris Jericho v. Triple H in a 'losers get Ralphus for 4,000 years' match Jerry Lawler v. Honky Tonk Man in a 'Viagra on a pole' match La Parka v. Hoss in a Strap Match Tune in.. Get it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Superstar Report post Posted October 7, 2002 OMG! It just keeps getting better and better. SODOMY I QUIT MATCH?! I'm *there* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
