Your Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes

[Guest Michael Joel Benoit]

Okay. So I have determined that a certain number of Smartmarks absolutely love the show as much as I do. So, for all the fans, let us share our favorite quotes from the show.

 

These are mine:

 

Phantom Planet

 

The main character stands up and starts taking off his uniform

 

Main Character: There is only one thing we can do.

 

Servo: Yep. Strip down. Oil up.

 

Devil Fish

 

The scene where one of the male actors is being choked by the devil fish and for some reason, the camera keeps focusing in on his BUTT.

 

Crow: What is with the male hiney shots? Did the director think this guy was hot or something?

 

And let's not forget:

I knoooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!

 

Invasion Of The Neptune Men

 

The scene when one of the Japanesse was talking and he sounded like the bear who said "Can't get enough of those golden grams."

 

The part when there are explosions in the spaceship and you see a chair spinning and another chair doing the spin-a-roonie.

 

Crow: A breakdancing Nectar (or something).

 

Nespa.

 

The Final Sacrifice

 

Mike: Oh great. The score is skipping.

 

Merlin's Shop Of Mystical Wonders:

 

Rock n' Roll Martian!

 

The scene when Merlin is talking to that guy in the park.

 

Crow: I'll give you a cookie if you shut up.

 

I'll post some more later. But what are your favorite quotes from the show?

[Guest Incandenza]

Wow. An SKBF thread I can get into.

 

One that I remember off the top of my head is from the MST movie, where, after an alien kidnapping, Mike says, "I just know they're going to probe my anus."

[Guest Kingpk]

Giant Spider Invasion

 

During a rather dark scene (but weren't they all?)

 

Mike: But Mr. Rebane, you really can't see ANYTHING.

Tom: Just shut up and keep shooting Mr. "NYU Film Pants"

 

[A bunch of drunken yokels take off to fight the spider while a cop tries to calm them down]

 

Mike: Please, if you'd all go back to your drinkin'.

 

[shot of some kids riding one of those carnival swing rides]

 

Tom: Maybe we'll pick up enough speed to launch us into Minnesota to start a new life.

 

Agent for H.A.R.M.

 

[Adam looks out the window to see the bad guys looking right back at him]

 

Tom: BA-DA-DADA!!

Crow: Five hours of staring at the window finally pays off.

 

[stefanik leaves to meet his niece]

 

Crow: Meeting his niece for lunch, BA-DA-DADA!!

 

[Malco distracts Stefanik and chops him]

 

Tom: Spaz Chop!

Crow: The classic "made you look" ploy.

 

Final Justice

 

[Joe Don shoots the bad guy before he has a chance to draw]

 

Tom: Our hero, a big, stinky cheater.

 

And, probably one of my top 5:

 

Invasion of the Neptune Men

 

[During the final battle]

 

Crow: Do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that can get us through this?

Tom: Oh, I know one. Goes like this: "Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut, EAT IT MOVIE!! TAKE THIS COCKROACH OF A FILM, ROLL IT UP SOOOOO TIGHT, AND THEN RAM IT UP YOUR....*blubbers*.

 

And, SKBF, you screwed up two quotes.

 

Incidentally, does anyone have anything posted in the Ward E section of Sattelite News? I do.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

(Geez, am I the only dude who doesn't know the SciFi channel episodes)

 

Wild Rebels

The climactic scene involving the lighthouse shootout, and a bullet ricochets off of Banjo's helmet.

 

Tom: Whoa! My head's trying to blow up!

 

Pumaman

Some early fight scene before the dude becomes Pumaman with really cool music:

 

Tom: They're Discofighting!

 

Mitchell

Mitchell is oozing into his kitchen at the end of the movie:

 

Tom: Got any Froot Loops?

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Kingpk]

(Geez, am I the only dude who doesn't know the SciFi channel episodes)

No, I just didn't have the foresight to tape the CC ones. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

Manos: The Hands of Fate

 

[End credits roll]

 

Crow: Crew!? I do NOT believe this thing had a crew.

Joel: Whoa, hold on, pick out who you want to punch.

 

[Manos' wives fight]

 

Joel: Next on ESPN: Full Contact Nightgown Wrestling!

Tom: Looks like the Russian Parliament.

 

Junior Rodeo Daredevils (a short)

 

[Little kid falls off and sulks off]

 

Tom: Gee, criminy.

Joel: Go ahead, strip me of my dignity at age four, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?

 

Crow: You know, this whole rodeo is just another excuse to crawl inside a whiskey bottle.

 

And, of course:

 

Joel: And the crowd goes wild!

Bots: Yay.

[Guest Incandenza]

(Geez, am I the only dude who doesn't know the SciFi channel episodes)

No, you aren't. I started watching the show in 1991. BOO-YA!

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Good to know I'm not the only guy.

 

Still, I feel kinda out of it when all I can contribute is found on the Comedy Central episodes only. The Pumaman episode I downloaded off of Kazaa, so it doesn't count.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Smues]

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (episode 323? 3 something)

 

Minutes of footage of stupid nasa stuff for no reason are shown, one of the martians (lomas?) walks into the control deck of the spaceship

 

Crow: whoa there's a ton of stock footage out there!

 

(kid sabatages radar box)

Joel: Now they can't watch Nick at Nite!

 

Joel: We've secretly switch the lightbulbs with folgers crystals, let's watch.

 

Gamera vs Guirian(episode 304?)

 

All: Gamera is really neat, Gamera is full of meat, we've been eating. Shell teeth eyes flames claws breath scales fun! Dr. Forrester is kind of a jerk, and Frank is really dumb too. We have to take part in these lame experiments, but do we complain? No! No! Yes! Huh? So, we, haikiba all over the place, and talk of a thousand wonderful days. EVERYBODY Gamera is really neat. He is filled with turtle meat, now we have commercial sign!

 

kid: Good morning Kochong

 

Joel: CORN JOB??

 

 

(kid shoots dart at corn job)

Crow: You die Joe!

 

Kids: thank you Gamera

Crow: We'll you're quit wel.......oh knock it off

 

Crow: Don't eat the donout kid. It was too late, the kids had nipped the doughnuts.

 

Star Force: Fugitive Alien 2 (episode 313?)

 

All, but mainly Tom, singing along to the music : They tried, to kill me with a forklift.

 

Crow: And look out for the percussionists, they might have tambourines

 

Time of the Apes (episode 310?)

 

Crash

Tom(I think): Hey, who played that cymbal?

 

Joel: Halt who goes there? Who played Dr. Zaius on the Planet of the apes?

 

and the coolest line from that episode

 

Crow: Smells like a man and a little boy in here, who bathed?

 

Hercules against the Moon Men episode 407

 

Hercules: That's what I'm here for Claudius

Joel: That and I wanna get a kick ass tad

 

(everytime they see a soldier)

all: pizza pizza

 

(when a group of soldiers run at prince dericks)

all: pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza

 

Tom: Hi, I'm a chocolate bar, break of bits of me and enjoy me all day.

 

Damn there's too many lines from this show to quote, so i'll just finish with my top 5

 

5. Puma man - Crow: umm, there's no afterlife, sorry.

 

4. Merlin's shop of mystical wonders - Tell the other monkey percussionists I love them

 

3. Once upon a honey moon(short) - Mike: YEah we'll wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which piles up first

 

2. Merlins shop of mystical wonders - You're welcome!

 

1. Puma man - Mike: Help I'm falling at a 60 degree angel breaking all the laws of physics

[Guest Vern Gagne]

The Human Hand

 

The Skipper: Where's the body little body?

[Guest Ravenbomb]

MASTER NINJA THEME SONG~!

 

From Hired! part 2:

G'night! Stay pink, soft, and oily!

 

From Beggining of the End:

Army guy: You mean you bred these things?!

 

Mike: Yep, and then I deep fry them!

 

From the Brain that Wouldn't Die:

Crow: Wait, doesn't she need to breathe?

Servo: No, she's got neck juice.

 

From Industrial Arts short:

Depressed yet?

 

guy: You know it's fun to have an idea

Mike: There, wasn't that fun?

 

Crow: Why, the cat's in here!

 

From Skydivers:

Joe: Coffee? I like coffee!

Mike: And thus we peer into the deep inner workings of his character.

 

From Hobgoblins:

Help, someones rubbing puppets on us!

 

Just let go of them, they'll fall to the ground.

[Guest Big McLargeHuge]

TIME CHASERS~!

 

Lisa: "What's going on here?"

Tom: "It's Time Chathaaaas"

 

Mike: "When you can see someone's eye boogers, you're too close."

 

Lisa: "What would McGuyver do?"

Eddy (Mike's brother): "Get cancelled."

 

Mike: "Chimney sweeps took over the future!"

 

SOULTAKER~!

 

Tom: "This building looks like a bus! It's all coming together!"

[Guest Mattdotcom]

Beginning of the End:

 

(Frank is a deaf mute)

 

Servo: Watch this....(loud as possible)HEY, FRANNNNNNK!

[Guest godthedog]

laserblast--

 

[inside a house where the curtain rod is about 6 inches below the top of the windows]

 

tom: the curtains were too short for the windows, but i found a way around it!

 

[hippie in the car with billy while he's an alien, after he blows up a sign]

 

hippie: faaaaaaaaaaar ooooooooout!

mike: cause--hippies are stoned...

 

hired, part 1--

 

[car dealer boss talking to his father]

 

boss: the first thing harry drilled into me--

crow: was harry.

 

that's all i can think of off the top of my head. it's been so long since i've seen all of them.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

I watched the Comedy Central episodes, but I can't remember any quotes.

 

Giant Spider Invasion

"It's befuddlin my dumb cracker mind!"

"GILETTE!! THE BEST A MAN CAN GET!!!!" (sang in a real feminine voice by Tom Servo)

"Oh Alan don't act with your mouth!"

"Moses! Get the bike!!"

"Hey it's the lead singer of the Spin Doctors"

"I hope Earth has it's diaphragm on!"