Dating your best friend?

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

Ok, here's the deal. I've been really good friends with "Amy" for 4 years now, she's been through boyfriends and I've always been there for her. She considers me a best friend/big brother and on occasion, the only member of the male race she doesn't hate with a passion, so for that I suppose I'm special. I had a crush on her for a while during the first two months of our friendship, but it went away. Four years later, I still think she's hot and a great gal.

 

You see, "Amy" is the quintessential "good girl who makes bad choices." All the guys she dates, nice as they are, don't appreciate her and she has a tendancy to wear her heart on her sleeve, usually making for a very depressed break-up.

 

Then last night happened. It was my high-school commencement and "Amy" was singing "The Prayer" by David Foster with another guy. The two most popular versions are by Charlotte Church feat. Josh Groban and Celine Dion feat. Andrea Bocceli. For those who haven't heard it, the song is pure beauty. So I'm sitting there, holding my diploma, watching her and I feel "the feeling." You know the one. That "I want to be with you right now" feeling. I went up to her afterwards and kissed her cheek and told her it was amazing, because it was ( I was *this* close to crying in my seat.)

 

So, now I'm stuck. Do I just continue on as friends or pursue this? Your thoughts, please.....

[Guest welshjerichomark]

man been there done that read the book, i had a crush on my best mate phil, but then we got a little thing going but it didnt last long, he stopped liking me but i still liked him. now its 3 years on, i still love him but he doesnt wanna know, and now i wish we could just be mates again

 

that said, if u like her that much u should go 4 it, just make sure u have a strong friendship to fall back on

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Go ahead or don't. It doesn't matter every releationship is doomed to fail no matter hoe much you care about each other.

[Guest welshjerichomark]

way to give the guy support cwm

[Guest Marshall]

Do it! If your friendship strong, then you can still be friends and maybe she'll let you do her again and agian.....and so on.

 

It does happen you know.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

Despite his affliction, our Geri-voting friend is right.

 

Althought I think LOTC had slightly nobler thoughts than getting to do her again and again

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Why can't we be friends...

Why can't we be friends...

Friends with benefits...

Why can't we be friends...

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

OH DEAR GOD NO!!!

 

I speak from experience. Dating people you sorta kinda know, perfectly acceptable. Dating a best friend, ABORT ABORT. Don't get me wrong, it's great fun while it lasts, but when it ends....eeeeeee.

 

See, here's the thing. If you were to get together, when you broke up, (I subscribe to a much less extreme version of the CWM theory), you'll both still want to be friends. Because you two couldn't possibly be so petty as to let a past fling ruin your friendship, right?

 

Ah, but there's the catch my friend. You are, in fact, that petty, and so is she. So it will be an unspoken but fairly seious problem between you. Especially when one of you dares to date someone else.

 

I'm cutting myself off before the rambling gets ugly, but in closing, BAIL! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

[Guest Marshall]

^watches too much Dawsons Creek!

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Wrong thread, bubbles.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Marshall]

bubbles?

[Guest Flyboy]

Don't.

 

I've tried it before, and it just doesn't work. I wouldn't do it if I were you... but... I'm not you.

[Guest Leena]

Go for it, and don't worry about it.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

Don't.

 

I've tried it before, and it just doesn't work. I wouldn't do it if I were you... but... I'm not you.

see, I should've just said this instead of getting all retarded.

 

Marshall, I do not apprecite the my life=teen drama comparison. I'll Kane you if I have to.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

I wouldn't, unless she comes on to you.

 

Then hit it and quit it...

[Guest LooseCannon]

I don't know why people have to pretend like these little decisions are of such great consequence. Go ahead and date her. If you end up hating each other, then so be it. I assure you that it won't be the worst thing to ever happen to you.

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

Yeah, these thoughts pretty much consumed my head all night at work. All the signs are there for us to go out, there's not much against us except for one thing: Her track record for staying friends w/ her ex's SUCKS. She still talks to one of them regularly, hates the rest. Of course, these were just guys she met and went out shortly after. I'm a little different. I've known her for four years. I find her attractive. Shockingly enough, she finds me attractive. We both "love" each other, whatever love between friends can be called.

 

I'm thinking of just talking to her about it, seeing what her reaction would be, kinda like "Hey, isn't it odd we never dated?" or something along those lines. It may be a bad idea, but it's pretty much the only way to gauge a reaction without actually asking her.

 

Goddamn, I need to stop listening to "The Prayer", all it does is make me think of her.

[Guest Leena]

Ugh, stop thinking about it like that, it only causes you to hurt more. Just go up to her and say "Would you like to go out sometime?".

[Guest Youth N Asia]

IT CAN NOT WORK!!!! I've been there.

 

Trust me, I'm sure you think it's a great idea...but it won't work out right. Sorry, but it's a fact.

[Guest the pinjockey]

The way you are talking you might as well go for it. It seems as if these thoughts constantly consume you so until you deal with it your relationship with her is probably going to start getting weird anyway because anytime you are with her you will keep thinking about it.

 

It sounds like she would probably be willing to give it a shot so go ahead. That way if it doesn't work it will still be weird but at least you will know.

 

One thing I would not do is try to gauge her reaction. Either pull the trigger or don't. If you try to gauge her reaction she will know what you are getting at anyway and you will seem less that fully behind the idea.

[Guest JHawk]

See, I subscribe to a combination of both theories.

 

I believe that if the friendship is strong enough, then the dating thing isn't going to affect the friendship. In fact, I always felt like if the friendship worked, then the relationship should work if you tried for one.

 

But watch the relationship fail and find out the best friend is engaged. I've had deaths in the family that didn't hurt like that.

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

LOTC, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Only my "Amy" (and that, coincidentally, IS her name) has been a close friend of mine for about 5 more years than your "Amy."

 

I dunno...my "Amy" I think I love way too much to even consider seriously dating, because it would just hurt too much if we broke up.

 

As for all of these people that say go for it because it won't change anything in the long run: fuck you. Emotions change everything. Not my fault you're calloused.

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

I'm so freaking conflicted right now....arghhhh!

 

Sometimes I regret not getting to know her that well, that way if we went out and broke up it wouldn't affect me. I'm fucked either way now, though.

[Guest JHawk]

LOTC, a positive thinker would tell you to give i a shot, because if you're best friend's not the one, who is?

 

 

 

 

 

Any positive thinkers out there who can help the man out?

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

Jhawk- I'm trying to look at this thing from both sides, though I'm finding it hard. I'm leaning towards not doing, maybe just suggesting a "friends with benefits" thing to kill all the sexual tension between us (there's enough).

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

that may be the wise move. Just make sure she actually wants to have sex with you first.

 

I can't emphasize this enough.

[Guest Leena]

Just go for it. You never know unless you try. Even if you fail, so what, life will go on. I know it hurts now, but you'll regret wasting the chance when you're a little older.

[Guest JHawk]

Just go for it. You never know unless you try. Even if you fail, so what, life will go on. I know it hurts now, but you'll regret wasting the chance when you're a little older.

Alina is right there. Sometimes I know I'm getting shot down, but there's always the chance it'll happen.

[Guest MrRant]

that may be the wise move. Just make sure she actually wants to have sex with you first.

 

I can't emphasize this enough.

Must have been an embarrassing when you had to zip up after she said no.

[Guest Phr33k]

You love her.

 

She loves you.

 

This is not rocket science.