SNL review

[Guest bob_barron]

SNL Review: Sarah Michelle Gellar/Faith Hill

 

Well the Braves lost. To the Giants. That sucks. But I liked how they pitched to Bonds in Game 5 instead of walking him so I really am not too sad about it. They played great, Glavine and Sheffield just couldn’t get it done. Leaves me more time to watch hockey anyway.

 

Sports Report-

Saints- The Saints are 4-1 which is just too cool for any school. I think they can take the Skins tomorrow and continue this awesomeriffic season.

Canucks- 2-0 so far. With the Western Conference being as deep as it is I don’t think they can afford a start like last year. Keep it up guys.

Devils- Also 2-0. Pat Burns has a history of being a great first year coach so hopefully he won’t tail off like he does at every other franchise.

Leafs- Well the Senators ALWAYS beat them in the regular season even though it was still mega depressing to see. I’m seeing them Thursday though.

 

Mailbag!!!

 

[email protected] writes-

 

I know this sounds REALLY bad, but hey im young. Lets see, when Will Ferrell joined SNL I was 7. So I really wasn't watching SNL then. But I was hoping you had some answers to my questions. Was Will Ferrell EVER a featured cast member? If so when? I really enjoy reading your reviews, thought Id tell ya. Check out mine, usually under "Angie". I couldn't write one for this show though, I was too busy.

-Angie

PS thanks for your time!

 

Will Ferrell was never a featured player. He joined the show as a cast member in 1995 and he stayed until 2002. Glad you enjoy the reviews and I encourage all my readers to check out what Angie has to say.

 

PS- You’re welcome.

 

[email protected] writes-

 

well hello there. hahahahahha, oh im sorry, am i laughing in your face? your precious braves lost too!!! i guess another dynasty has come to an end. oh wait a minute, it came to an end last year when they didnt even make it to the world series! wow, i guess i should make up a song about them losing too. nah, i can be mature about this, i dont need to make up a song, everyone knows how old they are and how much they suck. sorry, no october baseball 4 you either. hahaha...........

 

a dedicated yankee fan,

chrissy

 

Hello to you. Yes the Braves did lose and I commented on it at the beginning. I still consider the Braves dynasty to still be going on- the year they don’t win the East is the year I consider the dynasty finally dead and buried. You mention last year they didn’t make it to the World Series and in your definition that’s the end of a dynasty. Well then what do you call 2000 where the Cardinals mounted them and fucked them in the ass for three straight games? See I’m a Braves fan and I will freely admit to stuff like that. Being mature about something includes capitalizing words at the proper time and putting apostrophes where needed. i.e.- I’m not im, don’t not dont. If you wanna make up a song go ahead.

 

A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!

 

To all the Yankees fans I pissed off with my song parody- if you would like to submit a song parody of the Braves first round collapse v. the Giants go ahead. Any submissions no matter what the content will be accepted. There- feel free to fire away. BTW- The average age of a player on the New York Yankees is older then a Brave. Also- the Braves technically did play October baseball as their last game was on October 6th. But thanks for writing and showing off how intelligent Yankee fans are.

 

 

Wanna be in the mailbag?? Email me anything at [email protected].

 

Week in the life of a college student is after the review- it’s only 4 days worth because well I am in college and I am really busy. If I have time I will write about Thursday and Friday.

 

 

Cold Opening

Cast- Chris Parnell, Darrell Hammond

Thoughts- And the award for biggest disappointment of the year goes to….

 

Chris Parnell’s Bush!!!!!

 

Chris: I was actually fired from this show-

 

Yea Chris no one gave a fuck then and no one gives a fuck now. Now I like Mr. Parnell- he’s from Memphis making him an automatic cool guy. But I also think Tom Glavine is a pretty cool guy- that doesn’t change the fact that he sucked monkey crap in games 1 and 4 pretty much costing us the series. But I digress…

 

It sucked. Sure it had some funny lines and some good Bushims but the overall impression sucked. It was basically Parnell imitating Ferrell’s Bush. Plus- his voice kept changing- it’d be like: Southern voice- Ferrell Bush voice- I mean Christ on a saltine cracker- STICK WITH ONE VOICE AND GO WITH IT!!!!!!

 

Now I’m not gonna clamour for Will Ferrell to come back because that would just depress me even further and make me wish Canada’s gun laws weren’t so tough. I mean sure in America all we do is shoot each other but come on my fellow Canadians-

 

The fact that in a month I can buy a gun- doesn’t that sound just so super bad ass?? But I digress…

 

It was Parnell’s first time so I’m not calling for the cane just yet- but just chalk this up to someone being very disappointed. Almost as disappointed as when the Braves blew it on Monday.

 

But hey- at least it wasn’t Darrell. Then I would’ve been pissed about the 5-day waiting period to buy a gun. **1/4

 

Monologue

Cast- Sarah Michelle Gellar, Chris Kattan, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch

 

Thoughts- Hi SNL- the word monologue means- a dramatic sketch performed by one actor. When SMG got the guitar I was like: Sweet ass!! Then I saw SMG was gonna sing and I was like: Sweet ass!!! But alas- Chris Kattan had to ruin it for me. Bastard. Rachel Dratch and Chris Kattan- you would think there’s some law against cruel and punishment. At least Amy was there to make sure the skit didn’t completely fall into the Suck Hell of Fame. That doesn’t mean this skit didn’t suck. Cause it did. I miss monologues where there weren’t a lot of cast members. I also miss the O’Reilly Factor. *1/2

 

Swifter Sweepers-

Cast- Poehler

Thoughts- So far the commercials have been pretty good this year which is a relief cause like usually by may we will have this seen commercial 84 times and be sick of it but it will still be at least amusing. Good stuff. ***1/2

 

Be Safe

Cast- Gellar, Poehler, Dratch, Kattan, Parnell, Jimmy Fallon, Jeff Richards , Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers

Thoughts- You know what SNL should of done to stay on the safe side- cut this skit. This skit draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaged and then it like got funny for a second with Amy and Fred and then draaaaaaaaaaged some more and then it just seemed to go on and on and on. Kudos to Fred and Amy for trying to make the best of bad material and mega kudos to Parnell for the Injun joke. All the other people- yea whatever. *3/4

 

Parny at the Dentist

Cast- Gellar, Kattan, Parnell

Thoughts- I guess Lorne figured the first time they did this skit, it wasn’t like edgy enough. So he added a women and the edginess suddenly flew into the room. Well I hope that’s not what he was going for since this skit was boooooooooooooring. The whole dream-dream-reality thing has been pretty much done to death- The Simpsons did it best in one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes. But this was just dull- and why was Chris Kattan reading an Entertainment Weekly from September 2001? You know what would’ve been bad ass continuity- had at the beginning SNL mentioned that the skit took place in September 2001. I mean while I know most of the audience was too busy pretending like they were at an Islanders game to care, I’m here sitting at home jerking off to episodes of Queer as Folk going: Ummm hello- like why is he reading a magazine from one year ago? Brian Kinney always brings out the best in my brain. So yea- aside from the total lack of continuity this skit also suffered from another thing that is very important to SNL- it wasn’t funny. I beg you Kattan- just leave. I mean sure only like 2 ½ people saw Corky Romano but I’m sure you can get bit parts or something. I mean last year- you announce you’re gonna leave and I’m like: Whoa- Christmas comes early. Now I’m like: Whoa- what a lying fuck. One thing that keeps me from ODing on painkillers whenever I see Chris Kattan’s stupid ass face is that everyone is mortal so the guy has to die sometime. I mean- come on- LEAVE THE SHOW ALREADY!!!! *

 

Message from an Aeroline

Cast- Parnell, Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Tracy Morgan, Will Forte

Thoughts- Oh. My. God. This skit was like amazingly awesome to the 27th degree. I mean it was great seeing SNL go out there and do something well different. I loved the edginess and the oooooooo should I be laughing at this tone this skit set. It was also interesting how they were also speaking to a lot of Americans while taking a walk on a wild side at the same time. There was just so much about this skit that worked and so many different levels that you can’t help but love it and you can’t help but go: Whoa. Skits like that make me proud to still be a viewer of SNL. ****1/2

 

Corona

Cast- Fallon

Thoughts- Eh. This one just didn’t work for me. Maybe it’s cause of again the logic of a cell phone probably not working. Now normally at this point in the rant, I would probably go into a long winded rant again talking about continuity- but since I’m sure one unfunny long winded rant in another review is enough- I’ll just say- Go Leafs! *

 

Saddam’s Palace

Cast- Hammond, Fallon, Kattan, Horatio Sanz, Richards

Thoughts- Whoa- did someone kill Lorne and replace him with some dude who was like- let’s take risks. Cause while this skit was unfunny and dragged I really did love the fact that SNL was basically presenting its political opinion on the conflict with Iraq. You just don’t see that anywhere. It was interesting how the writer of this skit was like: This is what I’m gonna say and he basically kind of told us his thoughts on how the War was going. While I disagree on SNL’s opinion on the conflict in Iraq and the skit was wickedly unfunny- I’m proud of SNL for having the balls to air this. **1/2

 

Corona

Cast- Fallon

Thoughts- Getting funnier… **

 

Faith Hill

Thoughts- What I’m about to tell you with is something I’ve grappled with my entire life. People say you’re born with it or that’s it genetic but I’ve never been so sure. Sure sometimes hanging out the with the guys it was kinda weird but I was always to keep my secret and no one ever knew the truth… until now. God this is going to be so tough. I, Bob Barron am a fan of country music.

 

There I said it.

 

I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I also love Faith Hill. A lot. I mean her music just kicks a lot of ass. When SNL announced her as MG I was like super excited and she delivered. I love the single, loved the performance and just generally loved Faith. I really wish SNL would book more country music acts- Garth Brooks was awesome in his two appearances on SNL. So SNL- I beg you- please book more country music artists. ***3/4

 

Weekend Update

Cast- Gellar, Fallon, Tina Fey, Rudolph, Meyers

Thoughts- Whoa- Tina’s rant BOOOOOOMBED this week. I felt pretty bad for her- you could tell she was like: this is so retarded. I’m sorry Tina. But OMG- SETH MEYERS!!!~ ON WEEKEND UPDATE!!!~~ Seth was his usual kick ass mondo excellent omg awesome self. Seriously SNL- replace Jimmy with Seth. It would be the greatest thing since sliced bread and fallonfey.com opened. Tina’s awful rant really hurt WU but the rest was as good as a ton of gravy on chicken. ***3/4

 

Making the Video

Cast- Gellar, Fallon, Kattan, Morgan, Rudolph, Poehler, Sanz, Dean Edwards

Thoughts- See kids- this is called a segue way. Notice how Tina did a joke about Christina Aguilera in Update and the next skit features them making fun of her? Now that’s pretty impressive and almost as impressive as the cut jokes section at fallonfey.com. DEAN!~ This was one of those skits that just went a bit too long and the dead crowd really hurt it a lot. It was still a solid skit however and SMG looked wicked hot. Something about it just didn’t click. **1/4

 

Arli$$

Cast- Gellar

Thoughts- Holy potatoes Batman- this came like out of nowhere. I was like- whoa- that’s awesome!!! I still wonder how Arli$$ is still on the air. I mean seriously- IT SUCKS. Have you ever heard someone go- Hey- that Arli$$ show is pretty hot? No you haven’t. Cause the show sucks. Sometimes when SATC puts on a Charlotte-centric episode I hang around to watch Arli$$ and SMG is right- you don’t really laugh at all. This was a super funny skit that at first seemed like it was headed for suckville. ****

 

 

Tracy and SMG

Cast- Gellar, Hill, Lorne Michaels, Morgan

Thoughts- This was nice little filler even though I was shocked my girl Faith said the ‘a’ word. Does anyone think the world would’ve been a better place had SMG and Faith totally gone at it? Hey- it beats Parnell’s Bush This was decent, inoffensive and had its funny moments. **3/4

 

Faith Hill

Thoughts- Faith was ROCKING!! She was like on fire, kicking ass and taking names. She rocked the body that not only just rocked my party but rocked the party next door and it was so rocking that when the cops came to check it out they started rocking too. Since SMG has a pretty spotty track record of hosting I was like- good thing they got Faith to mg. And it turned out to be a very good thing. Faith Hill rules!!! ****

 

Guy can treat a lady

Cast- Morgan, Rudolph

Thoughts- You would think after the greatness that was “Subway Fred” that SNL would learn that Tracy and Maya should only be teamed up for special occasions like say- the world ending. This was not a special occasion. DUD

 

Corona

Cast- Fallon

Thoughts- The guy getting hit in the head was wickedly funny and almost made this recurring commercial worth it. **1/2

 

Iraq

Cast- Gellar, Morgan, Parnell. Poehler, Forte, Richards Thoughts- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Damn- who raped someone’s mom tonight? As much as I think whomever wrote these skits was tonight is a full of shit and doesn’t know what he/she is talking about- I think it is insanely awesome they aired both this and the Saddam skit tonight. I like how SNL is voicing their opinion on a serious matter. I hope skits like these are a sign of things to come and SNL starts becoming more edgy and like controversial like it was in days of yore. I was really disappointed SNL didn’t do a DC Sniper joke. I mean everyone bitches about all the news stories in the summer so this sniper dude is like: okay and goes out and blows away eight people. BOOM- NEWS STORY!!! I mean why not have CK do a terrible re-enactment? Picture this if you will-

 

CK comes out with a gas pump and then goes: Ohhhhhhhhhh I’ve been shot.

 

He then falls to the ground.

 

 

That would been possibly one of the funniest thing ever. Sadly with Sen. McCain (R-AZ) hosting next week, they probably won’t be able to do stuff like that. But these two anti-war skits were fucking awesome tonight. You go Lorne. ***1/2

 

Sexual Harrasment-

Cast- Gellar, Poehler, Parnell, Dratch, Rudolph

Thoughts- Our LJ (tape delayed on the West Coast) and soon to be resident of Church St. friend Jess chimed in with: Why is Parnell trying to act like Will Ferrell. (or something like that) Suddenly all my unhappiness of the Leafs losing drifted away, I stared at the screen and went: Gadzooks! She’s right!!

 

Hey Parnell- Will Ferrell left the show. Try some new stuff okay there buddy. Skit was pretty good- give it like **1/4.

 

 

The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was like **.55 making this show a marginal thumbs up. I loved the Iraq stuff, Update was pretty good and the rest blew. Considering Sara sucks on SNL- I wasn’t really too shocked so the thumbs up here is actually a surprise. Next week one of my favourite politicians and one of my personal role models, Sen. McCain hosts and I think the show will be rocking.

 

Thumbs Up

 

 

THE WEEK IN THE LIFE OF A COLLEGE STUDENT-

 

Sunday: I woke up at 10:30 am, just to turn off my alarm which I had set for 10:30. I was afraid to change it for later, fearing I’d be out and about and I didn’t want to turn it off because then I wouldn’t know how to turn it back on. My back still hurt from the botched carthwheel and no football appeared to be on TV. I resigned myself knowing that today was gonna be a nothing day, which for Sunday is all you can ask for. At around four I gritted the pain in my back to go down and eat. Sunday at the cafeteria they have this thing called the pasta bar. Basically every Sunday there’s a different kind of pasta and you can have it in meat, alfredo or something else. I of course love alfredo so I got that and some garlic bread and went up to well do more of nothing. That’s one of the joys of college- you can just sit back and do nothing. I chatted online for a while, played some EWR and well did more of nothing. Hey- I never promised you my day would be exciting. At 6 one of my friends with something awesome- The Monsters Inc. DVD. Sweet! The cool thing is that he works at Blockbuster video so he got a discount and everything. Rock on. 7 pm came and that meant one thing- baseball! But of course Tom Glavine apparently thought it was just game one and threw really really badly. But on the bight side at least I learned that Livian Hernandez can beat the Braves without the umpires giving him the greatest strikezone ever. Anyone who remembers game 5 of the 97 NLCS knows I’m talking about. I lent someone my dvd player to make recordings, listened to some old school rap and that my friends was Sunday.

 

Monday: Here’s a tip for the kids- don’t fuck up your back. You wanna know how much sleep I got???

 

0.

 

That’s right- I stayed up all night and was exhausted. I figured- no problem- I’ll just watch some NewsRadio, drink some Snapple, and go off to Politics in Film. I went to Politics in Film and totally schooled the class. So far, so good. I then went home and laid down for an hour before Sociology. Sociology is usually a joke so I figured no problem getting through that. PROBLEM!!!! All my insomnia came back and I was dying in class. Now I now you’re saying- just doze off. I’m like afraid like I’ll drool or snore or do something stupid. So I tried and struggled and just generally tried not to stay awake. I must’ve looked like a huge moron. Then she gave us a break for ten minutes.

 

I went home. Four hours later I woke up having missed sociology and French.

 

Tuesday: I repeat- DO NOT FUCK UP YOUR BACK. I endured another near sleepless night, getting only like 5 hours. I’m very stubborn. I refused to see a doctor or get some medicine since well I like to recover on my own. Luckily though on Tuesday, I have only one class. Culture of the Modern (the fancy word for English) COTM is one of my favourite classes because the professor keeps it from being boring. Instead of just talking about Heart of Darkness, and showing us symbolism and foreshadowing!~ and all that other crap- he teaches us stuff that goes along with the book. He makes you culturally aware of what was going on back then. I dig. I went home and slept some more, trying to regain some sleep. On Tuesday, my class is at one, so I like to just go roam around. For sociology I’m writing a paper on the feud between The Rock and Chris Jericho so I headed to HMV to enjoy one of the many reasons Canada is a kickass country-

 

The shitty dollar.

 

For only $31US I got Royal Rumble 2002 and Vengeance 2001 on DVD and it meant I had every match in the Rock v. Jericho series. I went home and pretty much just chilled, and watched some of the DVDs.

 

Wednesday- Again and I swear- please listen to me- never EEEEVER hurt your back. Another night of little sleep. Now for Monday that’s not so bad since I have very little class. But on Tuesday I have journalism. From 10 am to 530 pm. Fuck eh? But luckily it’s not really that long. We get breaks, leave early etc.

 

So onto journalism class. Anyone ever seen the NewsRadio where Jimmy teaches Lisa the Secret of Management?? Well yea- that’s journalism.

 

So at 12 after having learned 1/6th of the Secret of Journalism we broke for lunch. Thank God. We came back- MOOOOOORE Secrets of Journalism. Oh God.

 

Finally she let us go write stories- one problem- she had us do it in class. I get very into writing. I like to have the music blasting and I LOVE to bang on the desk. I love to just let go and bang on the desk until I get a story idea. So since I was in class, I did a little banging and then basically just rocked my head and beat myself up to think of stuff to write. I do that stuff all the time when I write but I seriously freaked out my teacher- even moreso then when I was drunk three weeks ago.

 

That night I also did something that reeked of wackocity- I VACUUMED!! So on Wednesday- Secret of Management, back injuries and vacuuming!!

 

 

So that’s four days in the life a college student- hope you enjoyed it and I’ll see how busy I am and maybe finish it up.

 

And remember- don’t fuck up your back.

[Guest The Electrifyer]

I thought the Be Safe skit was funny.

 

'I hope you get mugged every day of your life!"

[Guest bob_barron]

It had its moments but it just went on way too long.

 

But Fred Armisen has really impressed me though

[Guest GeneMean]

Fred Armison has really impressed me as well.

 

Great write-up as usual Bob. I agree with almost everything said.

 

Seth on Update was probably the highlight of the show for me. Well .. that and racial profiling. I think that one will stand out as a top moment of the season.

[Guest fairtoflair7]

Don't knock the Islanders. The Leafs blow. They are a bunch of thugs who cry like babies.

[Guest bob_barron]

Thanks GeneMean.

 

The Islanders do in fact blow. Someone's bitter about poor Michael Peca.

 

Peca talked shit about the Leafs and well he learned that wasn't too smart.

 

GO LEAFS GO!

[Guest fairtoflair7]

And you call that hit clean? Peca said when he returns he won't do anything dirty. We'll see what happens on Dec 6. I'l be there for the ass-wooping when the Isles destroy the Leafs goons

[Guest bob_barron]

I didn't say it was clean- but I can say that I was laughing my ass off.

 

Leafs are gonna kick some ass like they did last year!

[Guest Lethargic]

It had its moments but it just went on way too long.

 

But Fred Armisen has really impressed me though

You write 2 million words to review SNL, and 75% of it isn't even about SNL and you say something else went way too long? ha

[Guest bob_barron]

The review was 3,584 words.

The actual SNL content totaled 2,196 words.

 

Meaning- 39% wasn't about SNL.

 

And yes- Safety People did seem like it went on for an hour.

[Guest What?]

"I’m here sitting at home jerking off to episodes of Queer as Folk"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh.....

 

 

 

 

O...K.........didn't wanna know that, but all-right

[Guest bob_barron]

"I’m here sitting at home jerking off to episodes of Queer as Folk"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh.....

 

 

 

 

O...K.........didn't wanna know that, but all-right

That's just an inside joke I have with a friend.

 

Don't worry.

 

I jerk off to Tina and Amy of course.

[Guest What?]

Ok! Just checking...

 

 

Can't have the leader of the Canadian Alliance be saying "We're here, we're Canadian, Get used to it!"

 

 

 

Ah...Tina in business suit and glasses...

[Guest TheHulkster]

1000 deaths to Bob for goofing on my favorite show: Arli$$