TNT GOES OUT WITH A BANG~!

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Well, I’ll cut right to the chase. I’ve retired. I’ve retired, because, quite frankly, I’ve had enough of this shit fed. I’ve always tried to be nice and shit, but now, I’ve just lost the will to write, and I’ve also lost the patience with many of the participants in this fed. I started here in April, and since then, I’ve learned many things, one main point being to just, NEVER DEPEND ON ANYONE. EVER. Within the span of my stay here, I have been CONSTANTLY let down by people, including the likes of Z, Frost, Tod deKindes, and Chris Wilson. You just CAN’T trust people here, and like it or not, they probably don’t trust, or like, you. Secondly, never attempt to make friends with anyone in the fed. They may seem nice at first, but soon enough you’ll find out that they’re just a senile raver who cares about nothing and nobody but himself, a Jap-wannabe loser with no life who sounds like Anthony Michael Hall after sucking up 10 gallons of helium and gets off on anime women, a humorless jack-off who doesn’t know the English language and can’t tell the difference between a sheer head drop and an orgasm, or a pitiful excuse for a human being who lives with his mother, and will never, EVER amount to anything. Third, I would like to just make it clear right now that if you’re not kicking ass right now, you never will. There’s no “stay, learn, and succeed” shit in this fed. Unless you’re successful right off the bat like Edwin or Thugg, you will NEVER get to the top, as someone greater will ALWAYS hold you down. Now, my time with this fed is thinning, so I’d just like to directly address a few people/issues, and then just get the fuck out of here.

 

First off, I’ll start with the main bookers, who are some of the most important, yet most twisted, senile, and selfish pricks in the fed.

 

Crusen – Hey, Axis, you’re personality’s still waiting at the airport, you forgot to pick it up. I’ll just come out and say this, you are the most soulless, uninspiring, unemotional [and from what I’ve read of yours, overrated] person in this fed, aside from maybe Danny Williams, who I will get to later. I had you as a booker for maybe two months, and within that time you were possibly the blandest person who I have ever met. I mean, the results in the shows you posted didn’t even have witty comments. You would sit in chat, just kicking people at random, getting all personal when someone called you “shed boy” [not OUR fault you got locked in a fucking shed you whimpering pussy]. You’d pretend to know the “deep meaning” of Rammstein songs, though you really had no fucking clue what that crap band was trying to say. JL wasn’t fun, it was a fucking NAZI CAMP, and you were Adolf. Wonder why the JL is now a baron wasteland? Because of YOU, and YOU alone. Nobody likes you, and you’re not even worth space on this post, so… yeah, go rejoin the JL as a crappy remaining of your old character or some shit, just so you can attempt to win [but of course, fail] the JL World title.

 

Stubby – Who the fuck nominated this perverted, cocky, self-serving communist of a booker who is seemingly obsessed with the human buttocks as out booker anyway? This “Holier-Than-Thou” gig that he’s been running since forever apparently has driven away a many writers, including LDP, and even Silent/TBS/me/Z indirectly. I mean, come on, no wonder Ted Flink spawned from the same gene pool, Stubby isn’t much more intelligent, or much better a writer in my opinion. I’ve read Stubby’s work, namely his match against Bob Riley, and let me just say that while not too shabby, I honestly think the likes of someone as sucky as say… Tom Flesher or Z would beat him any day. From bitching and whining about losing to ELM at G2, to holding down new talent, to wanting Ash to change Misty’s name simply for your benefit, to obviously letting JD give you BJ’s, and in turn letting him win whenever you mark his matches… well, hell, the list goes on and on really. Constantly you would ignore booking requests, because “you were sick of gimmick matches” or other crap reasons. I’ve been asking you for a copy of Stubby’s stats for a week through PM, and I’ve gotten… nothing. You contribute nothing to this federation, and I really do hope that you’re soon dethrone, before you go Merc on us all and job yourself the title.

 

Thugg – Yeah, you always tried hard, which I respected, but lets face it, your pretty much a fucktard who blows at booking. This year’s awards were the biggest pile of shit that I’ve ever witnessed, completely ignoring many obvious candidates. No Outcast for “Best Promo Writer”?, bullshit. Besides that, you were always a SOMEWHAT entertaining writer, though heavily overrated, and…

 

---STATIC---

 

*cough* Ehrm… sorry, about that, somehow I got myself mixed up with Munich due to a few people in chat egging me on to rant on everyone… heh. So, this is the REAL retirement post, for uh… future reference. Anyway, I don’t want to get all emotional, because then I’ll seem like a tool, and I don’t want to be all silly, because smiles would just seem forced. I’ve been in this e-federation for about… 1… 2… ok, I suck at math, I’ve been here since April. And in that time, I’ve had a lot of fun, from winning, to losing, to being kicked from chat, to getting licked by Mistress Sarah… almost everything about the fed was a wild ride, yet quite the entertaining one. However, entering the school-“season”, I’ve found myself with less and less time to write, eventually NO-SHOWING a match, which I’ve only done on two occasions, the other being with an 103-degree fever. Now, as many of my closer compadres will tell you, I myself have a pretty low self-esteem, not really thinking highly of myself and whatnot. I decided, that if I couldn’t write well, and couldn’t write very much at all, that it was best for me to simply put, leave. I won’t be gone forever I reckon… in fact, if my masterminded plan goes into effect, you won’t even notice that I’m gone, as my goal return-date wise is just before Clusterfuck [which I have every intention of winning, bitches] so that I can participate in that match, write it, and maybe… as slim as the chances are, win… pfft, like that’ll ever happen. Aaaaaanyway, I’m gone for now… and in-character-wise, just assume that… uh… TNT has traveled to Australia for about 2 months to catch some killer waves. Yeah, that’s it. He’s… surfing. Ok, so my excuse sucks, but still, he’s just gone. I DO plan to have one more match before I leave, within the next week, against an unnamed opponent, in a rather… special match [as you will see, if Stubby is kind enough to allow me to pull it off] but after that, I’ll just linger around chat and hopefully continue marking [and booking? Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeze Axis? Puh-leeeeeeeeeeze?] in the JL until January. Now, I’d like to get to the REAL shoutouts [the ones above weren’t really truthful, in fact, I didn’t even have the heart to finish the entire rant, as I only meant… oh… about 87% of the stuff I was saying. Heh. Soooo… uh… righto. SHOUT-OUT EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!! I’ll only shout out to… let’s say… about ten people here, as I want to POST this by Sunday [tomorrow] but if you WANT a shout-out, just make a reply requesting one, and I’ll add it in… I just don’t feel like shouting out to the ninety bazillion people who love me so at this moment.

 

Zio… er… Axis… er… Crusen, whatever – Though I must admit we never REALLY got along, I’ve always been pretty neutral towards you as a person, though I practically worship you when it comes to writing [Axis AND Zio] and booking [looking back in the ign.com, you’re basically the best booker that this fed has ever had IMO.] Axis/Sacred was genius and very well-written, and I’m just getting into your earlier stuff, which in some cases was even better. Oh, and… uh… you should like, SO TOTALLY op me in chat.

 

Stubbs – Well, I’ve had my fair share of times when I’ve really disliked you, but overall, looking back on it, you’re really a great booker. Sometimes you’d do stuff that would seem a bit selfish and the like, but you usually agreed to book matches that I asked for. Also a talented writer, whether it be Grandpappy or the pothead that you were writing. I remember speaking to you once on AIM, about 4 months ago, but that’s basically the only time you’ve been on. You seemed like a great guy though, and I give you my best wishes in pulling the fed out of its current, minor slump [maybe in December or January, as a bunch of people seem to be returning then.]

 

Thuggster – Not much to say here, besides that I think that you have the talent to BE head-booker, and that you’re probably one of the greatest writers this fed has ever had. You care about this fed a whole lot from what I can see, so… uh… keep up the good work in… uh… taking time off… uh… yeah.

 

Petro the Bjorkian Dawg – You suck. Nooj.

 

Zed – I remember, at the end of my JL tenure, getting bumped, and complaining about it like the bitch I was, saying I wasn’t good enough and whatnot. I was bumped nonetheless, and assigned my final match, against one Alex Zenon. I really had no clue about anything relating to this guy, besides him being a mainstay in chat, and Ced’s lackey. I didn’t want to go out in the JL in some throwaway match, so I proposed to you to do a silly-extravaganza match, and you agreed. This basically spurred some sort of relationship, as we stayed up pretty late brainstorming a posedown and a Bruce Cambell run-in and an anvil spot… And then, something baaaad happened. You were on AIM, and writing our match I suppose, and told me to warn you if you didn’t start writing. You of course DIDN’T start [a bad habbit of yours as I would later find out, heh] and I, like an idiot, took your request too far, eventually warning you OFF of AIM. I remember being monstrously depressed for the rest of the day, until I spoke to you, really uneasy on whether or not you’d forgive me. You did, and said you’d write the match… and… uh… you didn’t. I wrote the rest in an hour the next day as an emergency, and it sucked, and I felt like total shit, but if none of this had never happened, we would have never become friends. I’ve stayed up countless nights beating you in checkers, annoyingly bugging you about your real life, and going off on 10-hour tangents about the future of the fed, and I’m sure I really have been pretty annoying from your viewpoint. But basically, I’d just like to know that you’re pretty much my favorite person in this little fed of ours, as well as one of my favorite writers. When you return at the end of the year, I’m sure you’ll be rejuvenated, and ready to rawk, as you really are main event material in the making. I’ll be there for Z vs. Tom at Genesis 4 no doubt, after JD and Sacred have Main Evented their hearts out and move into the SWF retirement home. You’re really a great guy, in a slightly loser-ish way… but you never fail to cheer me up, even when you’re being a jackass. Best of luck to your future Z, as you’ve really affected mine.

 

-tear-

 

-sob-

 

-emotional, silent moment-

 

…ok, enough of this bullshit, moving on…

 

Danno – Well, lesse, here’s the guy that I owe much of my early JL storyline success to. When I arrived in this fed, I must admit that feuds and angles were NOT on my mind, and I was doomed to aimlessly wander about, until you sent me a PM, asking to become my mentor/manager. From there the whole Danny/Tod/TNT fiasco ensued, and it was damn puurty. Besides that, I’ve always enjoyed your no-bullshit pure wrestling style, as a break from the flowery stuff that this fed usually has to offer. Sydney/Danny was fucking genius, and Frost/Danny was golden as well. I respect you in that you always stand up and state what you believe, even though sometimes you’ll take it a tad too far. You’ve also been an inspiration to me, and I hope to see you back someday when/if I return.

 

Todski – Aaah, the first person in the fed who I ever really talked to or got to know. You’ve always been a good friend, sending me pictures of nude woman, and on occasion, fat, crazed, men such as Brick [since you’re a fucking clod.] Our feud kicked major amounts of ass, and even though you didn’t let me EDIT our blowoff [fucker!] it ended up being a super match. You also have always gone fore wrestling over entertainment, and I’m a big fan of the asterisks, heh. I hope to see you thrive in this fed, and for the record, this Annie feud is rocking the house… the Genesis match was excellent booking on your part.

 

Petro the Bjorkian Dawg – You suck. Bong.

 

Frosty – Even without veteran expertise and experience, you’re probably around the 4th or 5th best writer in the federation, and the future is looking mother-fucking bright from here. You single-handedly carried the team of Chilly Chilly Bang Bang post-title-win due to my usual laziness and burnt-out-ness, and this Ash blowoff coming up looks to be shaping into something great. I look forward to seeing you rise to the top, and if you ever need someone to return from the grave and feud with you… /me raises his hand.

 

AnnieT – Right here, is probably the nicest person in the fed, and from what I’ve seen, someone who tries pretty damn hard. Annie, you’re my favorite lesbian of all time [beating Rose by just a NOTCH] and one of the most entertaining people to talk to as well. I am still yet to convince you to go down on me… but nonetheless, you’re simply a good person, and I’m sure that you’ll eventually get over the hump, and rocket right up to ICTV level.

 

Taamo – Ah, here’s the current number one writer in the fed [aside from World Champion Sacred] in my honest opinion, making an excellent display EVERY SINGLE time he writes almost. I STILL want a rematch some time if I return, since in our three matches against eachother, one of us has always gotten sick or injured a collarbone or involved in a near-fatal masturbation accident or something. You’ll be at the top in no time Taamo, and I see you as the person in the fed that others should strive to be. A great guy as well with a good sense of humor, I think you’ll be the one to drag M7 from the ditches, and ante up the Main Event match quality.

 

Petro the Bjorkian Dawg – You suck. Snoochy boochies…. Ok, fine JD. You win. I’ll be the first to admit that you’re a good writer, a decently humorous guy, and the life of chat at times. I’ve always thought of our little feud as a joke sort of… as besides flame-wars and you tricking me into writing shit when I had my chance at the Hardcore title… we’ve always surprisingly seemed to agree on things, and get along pretty well. When you get back at the end of the month, you should be right in the World title run, and I’ll look forward to seeing the No-Selling Bastard rise to the top.

 

Edwin MacPhist(Yourself)o – Well, you sing about gay people and write about being fisted by Wolverine, but once you get through the… oh, nine layers of eccentric weirdness, you have the greatest writer to ever participate in this federation, as well as one of the most witty, fun, and nice guys I’ve ever met, online OR in real life. I hope to see you return some day to wrap up unfinished business with a certain Silent guy, but no matter what you do, you’ll always rock the party that rocks the body.

 

Silincio - Ah, the senile dish-washer of impending doom that goes by Silent. Always fun to chat with in... ehrm... chat, and though I hated your fucking guts up until about two months ago. Funny guy, and one of the best promo-writers and story-thinker-uppers in the fed, as well as a pretty good and improving writer. Maybe you'll come back some day as well, and I'm sure you can be a top-player if inclined to become one. I wish the best of luck to you in continuing your journey in getting head on a nightly basis, even though deep down we both know that that will never happen [buuuuuurrrrn.] Oh, you also know of the Pixies. Anyone who knows of the Pixies rules.

 

Insane Irish Luchadore~! - One of the coolest people in the fed, who was stuck in the JL for ages and ages. IL, you have spirit, and the new Tim Dillion character could get you past that hump and into the JL, no matter how much of a ripoff of Bradd Pitt's character in Snatch he is. You're a pretty good writer, and one of the nicest people in the fed, who I can usually relate to. I hope to see ya in the WF soon, but until then, you promptly love the cock. BONG!!!

 

Bah, I NEED this up before I depart for the day, so I’ll post it as is, but there’s plenty other people I’d like to comment on, from Silent to Raynor to Thoth to Crowe to Sarah to LDP to some JL'ers to Sacred to Bo to Wilson to… yeah, just aboot everyone. But I’m not sure if anyone will READ the thread in the first place. So, if you want a shoutout [or a Munich-esqu rant, I can do those too, heh] regarding yourself… just reply or something, and I’ll stash away some time tonight, simply because I’m the most charming, generous, and handsome people on the planet. Sorry to all the people I let down over the course of my so-called “career,” and sorry for all the shit that I may have screwed up by retiring. I’ll try to come back in January maybe, and I’ll have one last match at the show after the PPV in a… peculiar match, if anyone cares… until then, snooch to the noonch.

 

-Taylor "Too Burnt Out to Even SHOUT OUT To Half The Fucking People He Cares About" Thompson

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

I liked the Munichy style post better.

 

Heh, see ya, TNT. There goes a cool guy, a great writer, and half of one of the best Tag Teams we've ever had.

 

*explodes*

[Guest Ace309]

I'm sorry to see you go, TNT. You're a very talented writer despite your insistence that you suck.

 

Stick around and be harassed on IM.

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

Feel the HATE~, just feel it!

 

It sucks to see you go, you were like one of the 5 or 6 people that actually made the WF/JL fun, ect ect.

[Guest Kibagami]

Where's my shout-out? Damn it, I'm retired too, you ungrateful fucking...fucking HOSS!

 

S.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Don't worry TNT, I will use you randomly and often. You join the pantheon of the Memphis Eel and Sydney Sky as disembodied characters I can pull out of the moth balls.

[Guest Insanityman]

Sucks to leave you go man. Well I'd like a shout out/rant, but hope everything straighten out if they haven't.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Bah @ me not getting mentioned. I'll probably get bored at some point and edit something in for myself. Anyways, too bad you're gone. You better make that comeback of yours, though, just so I can have one match against you at some point. I'm looking forward to totally making you look a like a fool in a match, even if it doesn't fit characters, and even if I lose (which I won't, since I'd be fighting you).

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

*sniff* That was really nice. And you know, the Flip promo wouldn't have been the same without you. Thanks TNT, and here's hoping you comeback and get a second place finish in clusterfuck. Cause I'm throwing you over

 

-Annie

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Silent and IL shout-outs added, and thanks to all the people who like... replied. I suppose I did make somewhat of an impact after all.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Come back, Explosive One. We'll miss ya. :*(

 

And no shout-out? Awwww... come on now!

[Guest Ace309]

I suppose I did make somewhat of an impact after all.

 

Hell, of course you did!

 

... and not just because Ian marks for you.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Also, just thought it'd be appropriate here. I wrote an acceptance speech to my "Best TV Champ" award for the awards show a while back, as me and some other guys were gonna rewrite the whole show. We didn't ever end up doing it, but I finished my speech, and just wanted to post it here. Oh, Raynor also wrote 4 speeches which were basically the funniest things I've ever read, and I'd post them, but I might want to reuse a few of the jokes in something I'm working on... so... uh... maybe I'll post them later. Heh

 

 

 

---

 

“And now, presenting the award for ‘Best SJL Television Champion of the Year’…the first ever TV champ, Jeremy Miller, and another former champ, Shawn Brody!”

 

A graphic reading “BEST TV CHAMP” slinks across the screen, as Jeremy saunters out onto stage, Brody conspicuously missing. Miller, sweat invading his brow, speaks into a headset, wondering where the hell Brody is. Small tidbits of conversation between Miller and tech-guy Ted Pollock can be heard, though a bit staticky.

 

“—missing in action—“

“—wha--?”

“—evidentially he’s been arrested in New Jerse—“

“—bah, I’ll just have to improvise then…”

 

Jeremy approaches the podium, speaking quickly. “And now, the nominations for the jobber--…er…Television title. And the nominations are… Mike Van Siclin!”

 

The camera cuts to Mike, who is engaging in a game of Trivial Pursuit Junior with Insane Luchadore and Grunge, in order to learn so much. The crowd cheers, though half of the crowd has to admit that they don’t even remember Mike being champ. Jeremy gives MVS the thumbs up, and winks at him…even though they weren’t the same person under a different gimmick or anything. No way.

 

“Secondly….Annie Eclectic.”

 

The camera cuts to Annie’s seat, where she is conspicuously missing, next to her, a cute red-head sits, writhing in an orgasmic fashion. Hearing her name, Annie hurriedly plucks her head out of the red-heads lap…apparently having…uh…fallen asleep in it. Annie claps her hands together for herself, while the rest of the audience just sits and stares at a few red hairs caught on Annie’s lips…probably from uh…um…accidentally falling into the red-heads hair while brushing it for her…or…something.

 

“And last but not least…’TNT’ Taylor Nicholas Thompson!” Jeremy inquires.

 

Taylor Nicholas Thompson is shown in the back, trying to jam Frost’s hand into a heated toaster for some odd reason, but his attention is quickly snapped up to center-stage, as the words “AND YOUR WINNER…’TNT’ TAYLOR NICHOLAS THOMPSON!!!”

 

AC/DC’s “TNT” grinds from the speakers, and Taylor skips down the aisle in excitement. MVS rants and raves, and Annie pouts, while going down on the red-head once again, as TNT approaches the podium, grabs the award from Jeremy, and…straps a small explosive device to it, blowing it to pieces.

 

TNT is all “EXPLODE~!” and the audience is all “…” and the red-head is all “ooh! Ooh! More!!! MORE!!!” and Annie’s all “mmmmmmm, cookies” and Chris Wilson’s all “I’m the best ever! I should have won, even though I wasn’t nominated!” and the manatees are al--…

 

-commercial break-

 

---

[Guest Tod deKindes]

In honor of you...and stuff; that Hall & Hennig picture now is SO staying in my sig!

[Guest crusen86]

I'm not sure if the first or second one was better. But hey, someone thinks I'm a good writer. \m/

 

Like you're really gone though. I won't pretend I read the whole post, but I'm assuming there's a "I'll still be around the boards and stuff" message somewhere, so yeah.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

I'm not sure if the first or second one was better. But hey, someone thinks I'm a good writer. \m/

 

Like you're really gone though. I won't pretend I read the whole post, but I'm assuming there's a "I'll still be around the boards and stuff" message somewhere, so yeah.

Yes, including the part where I get on my knees and beg for you to op me and allow me to book a JL show or two.

 

- Taylor "Crusen > God" Thompson

[Guest kelloggs]

TNT I must say I'm sad to see you go. You were one of the first people I talked to in this e-fed. You put me over, gave me ideas, helped me out and made me watch a Sean Penn movie. And the most fun I've had is feuding with you on the boards over breaking your TV title reign. I was SO close!

 

Anyways I have more to say but i'm lazy so yeah.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

I was SO close!

...yet so far away.

[Guest Muzz]

I hate you.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

(Not really)

[Guest crusen86]

Die TNT.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

I was wandering when you was going to do one of these retirement threads, I was starting to think you was just going to magically disappear to the same uncharted tropical island that Chorus of Boos and Sean Brody is hiding out on. Thanks for the kind words, except the " tad too far" is a tad bit of an understatment.

 

Regardless of what you think, you are one of the best writers in the fed. By far the best in the commentary department, but you were also able to write good wrestling with it, which is something you are very underrated at. And I also stand by what I said when you first entered the fed, you have one of the very best characters in the fed. Your character was like Kenta Kobashi meets Barry Windham with a cool name and theme song to match.

 

BTW, is the Munich retirement thread on these boards or IGN. Cause I would really like to read it after reading this, and all the posts on my retirement thread that said "Don't go out like Munich". It sounds like a good read.

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

These boards, Danny.

 

Here we are...

 

http://www.thesmartmarks.com/forums/index....8ef2748f8d1e38d

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

Feh, Magnifico beat me to it. Supreme gheyness by Munich, it was.

 

Since I'm already here, TNT, I'll just say that I didn't know you too well, but I know how you feel, since I'm currently on my second trip through the retirement home in a span of five months. But you were a damn good writer, and I know you'll be back for more sometime. No one truly escapes.

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Damn...

 

You practically MADE War Games, man. Very good writer, I'd have liked to see you get the push you deserved. Not much else to say, really. You are one of the rare folks in the world who can truly write and even though you're not quite as articulate as Edwin, you still had a great foundation and I could have seen you going places.

 

You're a bitch for not mentioning me, though.

 

Later, hit me up on AIM since you never do anymore.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Eat a bag of dicks, TNT.

 

Mwa ha ha...

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

WOOOO!!!

 

Edwin, you need to start talking in third person.

[Guest TheSatanicAngel]

I was reading the retirement post, and the hatred was a SWERVE~!, but when you got to Stubby, I was all cheering for you, man. But then you turned it around and got all flowery nice and shit ...

 

DOWN WITH STUBBY!!

 

Okay. Sucks to see you go. Have fun ... wait, you're joining us in the retiree club, you'll be in heaven. What was I thinking ... ?

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

TNT... I only have one thought about you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok... sure I found our weak ass flamewars a joke most of the time, it was a great feeling to watch you get kicked from chat. And I still laugh about me kicking your ass in that hardcore title match... good times I say.

 

 

If I ever get a good place and a computer... I'll be sure to make it that you get the Jay Dawg award at this year's Clusterfuck.