SJL Metal (10/22)

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

SJL Metal Card, Tuesday October 22nd

Due Date: 3pm Tuesday BT

Send To: TheBostonStrangler

Arena: The RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina!

 

EUROPEAN TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP TRIPLE THREAT

Jack the Ripper vs. Ejiro Fasaki vs. Johnny Dangerous

- I crave carnage. Give it to me!

- Match Description: Elimination style. Standard rules apply.

- Word Limit: 4000

- Send To realitycheck

 

SINGLES MATCH

Christian Fury vs. Logan

- Is returnee Fury ready for the sheer brutality that is Logan? Let’s find out!

- Match Description: Duh.

- Word Limit: 4000

- Send To ErekT2k

 

EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH

Pub Crawl Match

Tim Dillon vs. Wildchild

- Wildchild showed remarkable sadism last week, so let’s reward him! Can the Bahama Mama take on the Emerald Isle’s own Tim Dillon?

- Match Description: Think Barroom Brawl. No DQ, no countout. Match takes place at a local Irish-themed pub in Raleigh. Go nuts. Minimum of two ale references and at least one man must be clubbed over the head with a set of Irish Bagpipes. Just kidding.

- Word Limit: 4500

- Send To Tod deKindes

 

WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP SINGLES MATCH

Matt Myers vs. Kamikaze

- Boo yah, Grandma! Myers came within inches of beating the champ last week in a non-title bout, and Kamikaze tapped to the man facing the champ this week. Which man will step up to face the champion in the near future?

- Standard singles match.

- Word Limit: 5000

- Send To Suicide King

 

MAIN EVENT

World Title Inferno Match!!!!!

Judge Mental vs. Mike Van Siclen

- MVS won his chance at the gold last week, and now he gets it! There’s one catch. And that catch is really, really HOT.

- Match Description: The bottom ring rope will be set on fire after both men enter the ring. First man set on fire loses. No DQ, no count-out. I ask that you set something reasonable on fire, like a boot or glove or tights unless you’re running an injury angle. Refs and road crew will be waiting with fire extinguishers.

- Word Limit: 6000

- Send To The Boston Strangler

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

SJL Metal returns to the airwaves with an outside view of The RBC Center’s marquee, which reads “SJL Metal”, “Tonight”, and “Sold Out”. Inside the arena the theme for Metal rocks the house as the fans bolster from their seats cheering loudly and waving their signs about! The cameras pan across the outside of the ring, where tables are strewn about for the upcoming match before settling in on the commentator’s table.

 

”Welcome to another exciting edition of SJL Metal! I am Axis and with me as always is the Suicide King!” Axis pauses for a moment expecting to receive an introductory smart-ass remark from the Suicide King, who is leaning back in his seat with his feet propped up against the table.

 

“What?” Ask the Suicide King. “I’m just waiting for you to finish your little piece before I start ripping into anyone tonight.”

 

“Well anyway, tonight is a night that will be chock full of suspense at ever turn of the corner highlighted with an Inferno Match with Judge Mental defending his title against MVS. We have a Pub Match where Tim Dillon will defend his European strap against the Bahamas own Wildchild, and to kick this night off a three way elimination match!”

 

“Yes indeed another snooze of a three way with Ejiro Fasaki, Jack the Ripper and my least favorite of the three…Johnny Dangerous the Cuban Spy.” The Suicide King lets out a loud sigh.

 

“Hey now, Johnny has already said those accusations were false!” Retorts Axis. “Surely you aren’t going to go off the words of a psychopath like Jack the Ripper?”

 

“HE HAS PROOF!” Shouts the Suicide King! “You can not disprove it, when Jack has evidence that says so otherwise!”

 

“Well I say we just end this silly argument and get on with the program!” Says Axis, trying as he might to move forward with tonight’s planned events.

 

Suddenly ”Sellout” by Biohazard begins thumping from every corner of the arena, rocking the crowds straight out of their seats and into a cheering ovation for Ejiro Fasaki as the man heads out to center stage! Ejiro throws his arm out to the crowds, basking in their glory while strolling his way down the ramp towards the ring.

 

“Entering first in this three way elimination matchup!” Funyon bellows from ringside. “Weighing in at one hundred and eighty eight pounds, and hailing from Sarasota, Florida. EJIIIIROOOOOOO FASAKIIIII!!”

 

“And here comes the man least likely to win this match, Ejiro Fasaki.” Says the Suicide King. “I don’t think he has ever beaten Johnny Dangerous, and he has been beaten once before by Jack the Ripper so he is not looking to hot coming into this match.”

 

“I concur, King! Ejiro is just so close to becoming a break away star, If he can finally get over the hump that is Johnny Dangerous it just might start an upward trend for him!”

 

The lights drop off and Marilyn Manson’s “Fight Song” booms as an eruption of Pyro begins to flow over the SmarkTron down to the ramp, giving a soft but mysterious glow to the stage. The SmarkTron flickers to life showing some very dark shots of East London at night, setting the perfect mood for Jack the Ripper as he saunters out from the curtians to an enormous chorus of jeering and paper balls, cups and what not whizzing past his head!

 

“Weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, and hailing from London, England! He is JACCCCCK THE RIPPPPEEEERR!!”

 

“Look at the pure intensity exhibited by Jack!” Says the Suicide King! “He is so full of rage, so full of anger, nothing can get in his way!”

 

“What the hell are you going on about?” Ask Axis. “He’s only walking towards the ring!”

 

Once again, the house lights drop much to the delight of the fans as a female voice sings out-

 

“Johnny Dangerous!”

 

The fans erupt in a mountain of cheers upon hearing his name, which is followed by Limp Bizkit’s rendition of the theme to “Mission Impossible 2” as Johnny Dangerous himself steps out front and center! He throws his arms high into the air while behind him the Smarktron lights up with clips of Johnny driving a speedboat off a waterfall then lunging from the boat to catch a dangling helicopter ladder with one arm, along with various other spy antics!

 

“Entering first in this contest! Weighing in at two hundred and five pounds, and hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada! He is JOHNNNNNNY DANGEROOOUUUSSS!!!”

 

”How can these fans cheer for this Castro loving Son of a B*BEEP*ch!” Ask the Suicide King almost disgusted at the crowds response. “Where’s your patriotism? Where I ask you, WHERE?”

 

Johnny is mere feet from the ring, when he happens to stroll by a beautiful blonde whose hair flows so magnificently as she blows a kiss towards Johnny. He turns and looks, raising his eyebrows and winking back towards her. When suddenly Jack rushes in from behind-

 

*WHAM!*

 

”Surprise attack by Jack the Ripper!” Says Axis! “I think he’s anxious to get this one started!”

 

Ejiro looks on from inside the ring as Jack grabs Johnny by the back of his head and leads him towards the ring all the while constantly clubbing him in the back of his head! Jack rolls Johnny into the ring, and followed by himself and Referee Mathew Kivell signals for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Jack stands to his feet, ready to stomp a mud hole into Johnny Dangerous who is starting to pull himself up when Ejiro Fasaki slams his fist straight into Jack’s jaw!

 

*CRACK!*

 

“And it looks like this one is underway!” Says Axis.

 

Jack tries to battle back with a punch of his own, but Ejiro tosses his forearm up to block the blow and retaliates with another deadly punch! The blow knocks the Ripper back a step, momentarily stunning him as Ejiro grabs onto his arm and whips him towards the opposite ropes! Jack springs off the ropes and launches himself at Ejiro, rearing his arm back to knock Fasaki’s head clear off his shoulders!

 

“NO! Ejiro stepped out of the way!” Shouts Axis!

 

Jack hits the mat face first and slides a good three feet from the momentum. Ejiro on the other hand can barley contain his laughter. Dropping a quick elbow into the small of Jack’s back is about all he can dig out of his arsenal at this point. To a fully recovered Johnny Dangerous on the other hand, this is no laughing matter. Johnny reaches down and grabs a fist full of Jack’s hair, pulling him to his feet then putting him right back on the mat with a spinning right hook!

 

*CRACK!*

 

Once again Jack is pulled to his feet, only this time Johnny grabs his arm along with…EJIRO and mightily whip him to the ropes! Jack bounces back towards the pair who simantaniously drop their fist into Jack’s skull!

 

*WHAM!*

 

“What the hell is all this cheap crap?” Ask the Suicide King. “This is a three way elimination not a two on one handicap match!”

 

“I think Fasaki and Dangerous are just wisely pulling their resources together in order to put Jack the Ripper out of this one. Then they can concentrate on each other!”

 

Dangerous drops over Jack for a quick pin!

 

One!

 

 

Two! No!

 

“Jack gets a shoulder up just after two!” Says Axis.

 

Johnny gets back up and Ejiro takes his shot, dropping a quick elbow into Jack’s sternum and going for a cover himself!

 

One!

 

 

Tw..NO!

 

“Kick out by the Ripper! I think these boys are going to have to put a little more pressure onto Jack if they want to seal a pin out of this!”

 

Jack is pulled to his feet one more time by Johnny but Jack gets the first lick in this time, sinking his fist into Dangerous’ crown jewels! “OOF!” Johnny cries out as he doubles over, clenching his injured “Area” leaving himself open to Jack who simply tosses him through the second rope to the outside floor!

 

“That’s how you stick it someone!” Says the Suicide King! “Right in their nads!”

 

Ejiro locks his arms around the Rippers waist from behind, but Jack slings his elbow back catching Fasaki right in the Jaw! Ejiro lets loose of Jack and stumbles back gripping his swollen face as Jack turns the heat WAY UP landing punch after punch into Ejiro’s back!

 

“Jack is on fire!” Shouts the Suicide King! “Somebody get a bucket of water ready because this one is about to explode!”

 

“What are you crazy? Ejiro is about to turn the tides of this one real quick..WAIT there he is! Ejiro just blocked Jacks punch!”

 

Back inside the ring, Ejiro Battles back with punch after punch on Jack before finally sinking his foot right into Jack’s stomach, doubling the Riper over! Ejiro throws his arm around the back of Jacks head and sprints for the nearest turnbuckle, with Jack in tow! He reaches the turnbuckle, but shows no signs of slowing down, instead he races straight up the side of the turnbuckle and back flips off the top all the while still holding a tight grip onto Jack’s mangy skull! The crowds leap from their seats, cheering wildly as they watch Ejiro rotate himself in mid air to furiously slam the back of Jack’s head into the mat with a DDT!

 

“EJIROCUTION!” Shrills Axis almost blowing the Suicide King’s left eardrum out! “You can count Jack the Ripper out of this chase for European Gold, I think Ejiro just crushed his skull in half there!!”

 

“Umm…Ok.” The Suicide King simply rolls his eyes at his announcing counterpart. “Anyway, Jack has gotten double teamed this entire match so I wouldn’t be surprised if one of those cheating bastards pinned Jack. Oh crap, what are they doing now?”

 

After reassembling his thoughts and a quick yoga session to channel his energies back, Johnny reemerges into the ring. Ejiro immediately drops his focus on Jack and stands right up to Johnny, getting right in his face! The two exchange words for a moment, then Johnny points down at Jack the Rippers limp ass lying flat on his back, then the ropes, then slams his fist into his open palm!

 

“I think Johnny is wanting Ejiro to stand back so he can hit Jack with an Armed and Dangerous! Judging by these fans reaction, I think that may just be what they were hoping to see!”

 

“Oh for crying out loud!” Shouts the Suicide King! “Jack is down and out for the count! No need for humiliation here, just pin the man and let him go on his merry way!”

 

Back to the action at hand once again, Ejiro takes a step back giving Johnny all the room in the world even though the world is not enough for Johnny Dangerous. He takes what’s handed to him though and immediately darts for the far ropes! Johnny springs off the ropes like they were a tightly wound rubber band and charges in for the kill! Johnny readies himself for his ~SHOW STOPPING~ flip in midair WHEN OUT OF ABSOLUTLY NO WHERE KNOWN TO ANY MAN ALIVE EJIRO WHIPS HIS FOOT AROUND AND DROPS A SPINNING HEEL KICK STRAIGHT INTO JOHNNY’S FOREHEAD WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO SEPARATE HIS UNIBROW FOR ETERNITY!!!!!(If he had a Uni-Brow that is. Men of Johnny’s stature tend to pluck quite regularly.)

 

*WHAM!!*

 

The fans still standing who were just a split second ago cheering their little heads off until they exploded, suddenly go silent. They stand there with their mouth gaping wide open, flies buzz in and out but they don’t care they are simply cheerless or booless for that matter! All is quiet…except for one solitary man-

 

“HOLY F*BLEEP*ING SHIT *BLEEP*!!” Shouts Axis in pure shock! “I can not believe this! Ejiro just took a cheap shot at Johnny Dangerous!”

 

“What the hell are you complaining about? Ejiro’s one of the guys you always go on and on and on and on about! This is a three way elimination match! You don’t win by letting your opponent gain a ton of momentum! So what if Johnny the Barawhogivesacrap Dangerous takes the fall!”

 

“Well whatever the case, it looks like Ejiro is ending this brief partnership between him and Johnny Dangerous! All that matters is to Ejiro is that he wins this match!”

 

Ejiro hooks onto Johnny’s leg and rears back on it, putting as much leverage as he possibly can into pinning Johnny’s shoulders down as the Referee slides in for the count!

 

 

 

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

 

T

W

O

O

!

!

!

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

NO!!! Much to the delight of the fans all across the globe as the burst into cheers Johnny thrust his shoulder off the mat, breaking the count and literally saving his ass!

 

Ejiro grabs Johnny by the chin and lifts the dazed spy to his feet, dropping a quick fist into his jaw before grabbing his arm and whipping him towards the ropes! NO! Suddenly Johnny pulls the last bit of energy from the deep entrenches of his soul and reverses, sending Ejiro spiraling towards the ropes instead! Johnny darts in behind Ejiro, hitting him with a monster clothesline just as he bounces off the ropes and knocking him straight over the top rope!

 

“Johnny with a tremendous comeback here!” Shouts Axis! “Just when I was just about to count him out!”

 

“He should have been counted out before he even stepped foot into this ring!” Retorts the Suicide King!

 

Johnny Dangerous throws his fist out to the cheering crowds, taking a moment to celebrate his accomplishment over Fasaki! Matthew Kivell slides out of the ring to check on Ejiro after taking such a bump. Deciding to focus his interest back on the Ripper, Johnny spins around and his eyes widen like a deer caught in someone’s headlights as Jack mightily swings a chair aimed at Johnny’s head like he were Babe Ruth about to send another one out of the park!

 

*CRACK!!!!!*

 

‘OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!” Shouts Axis in pure disbelief! “Jack the Ripper just hit Johnny with that freaking steel chair! This isn’t a no DQ, what the hell is he doing?!”

 

“Cheating, dumb ass!” Replies the Suicide King. “When in doubt, cheat your way out.”

 

Johnny falls straight to his back, knocked from here to kingdom come from the blow! Hesitant to keep the spy that just won’t quit down, Jack draws the chair back behind his head then mercilessly slams the chair into Johnny’s head!

 

*CRACK!!!!!*

 

Jack slings the chair out of the ring and immediately drops down onto Johnny, hooking his leg and rearing back on it for a pin. The crowds fire of a volley of jeers, towards Jack and even more as Kivell spots the cover and slides back into the ring!

 

 

ONE!!!!!!!

 

 

“No, Matt! Don’t count it!” Shouts Axis!

 

 

 

 

 

T

W

O

!

!

!

!

!

 

 

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

E

!

!

!

!

!

 

“NOOOO!!! Oh my God! JACK JUST ELIMINATED JOHNNY DANGEROUS!!!” Axis says in total disbelief! “Johnny has been cheated out of his title shot once again!

 

“Yes, Johnny Dangerous is gone! Thank the Lord I don’t have to watch him try to become the next European Champion!” Cheers the Suicide King!

 

Johnny stands up and raises his arms out to the crowds, laughing hysterically! Jack looks back towards Johnny Dangerous, who with his face soaked in his own blood hasn’t moved an inch! The Ripper slams his foot into Johnny’s gut, then kicks him in the side of his rib cage as the enormous amounts of boos begin to rapidly grow! Kivell tries to pull Jack back, but the Ripper insist and thrust his foot right back into Johnny again!

 

“What the hell is Jack doing?” Ask Axis! “He’s already cheated Johnny out of this match and eliminated him, give the poor man a break!”

 

“Johnny Dangerous has earned every beating that he gets!” Adds the Suicide King!

 

“WAIT! ITS EJIRO FASAKI!” Screams Axis as the crowds change their boos to an enormous cheer, watching Fasaki scale the corner turnbuckle directly behind Jack! The cheers tip the Ripper off and he turns to see what the hell all the commotion is about, just as Ejiro Leaps from the turnbuckle like he were Superman! The deer in the headlight situation comes into play once again, only this time Jack is the deer and the speeding car is Ejiro’s outstretched feet!

 

*WHAM!*

 

“Beautiful dropkick by Ejiro Fasaki!” Says Axis! “I really don’t think Jack saw that one coming!”

 

Ejiro immediately rolls Jack onto his back and grapevines his arm between his legs and locks in his all too deadly Cobra Clutch! The fans begin cheering loudly for Ejiro, and even more so when Jack lets out a blood curdled yelp of pain!

 

“EJIRO HAS THE COBRA CROSSFACE LOCKED IN!” Shouts Axis as he leaps from his seat in anticipation! “I don’t think anyone can resist submitting to this maneuver, let alone Jack the Ripper!”

 

“Oh shut up already!” Barks the Suicide King! “Jack just needs to get to the ropes! Hurry Jack safety isn’t too far away, you can do it!”

 

Jack reaches out for the ropes, which are a good few feet away hoping to grab onto them forcing Ejiro to release his hold! Kivell yells towards the Ripper asking if he submits but the thick headed psychopath shakes his head no all the while screaming in pain! Jack tries to pull himself forward but Ejiro just wrenches back even harder on his neck, forcing out another painful yelp, and finally Jack raises his hand out and-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“TAPS!” Shouts Axis, jumping for joy! “JACK THE RIPPER IS TAPPING!”

 

Sure enough Jack is tapping and tap he does all to well, slamming his hand into the mat over and over and over again until Kivell calls for the bell and Ejiro releases his hold!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“Sellout” begins to pound from once side of the arenas speaker system to the next as Kivell raises Ejiro’s arm in victory! Funyon grabs his microphone and delivers the all too important obvious “And your winner by submission….EJIRRRRROOO FASAKKKKKIIII!!!!”

 

“By God!” Shouts the Suicide King! “This is unbelievable! Ejiro Fasaki is going to get his shot at European Gold! Hell must have frozen over!”

 

“Finally someone who has worked their ass of for a shot at the European Championship will get their chance!” Says Axis. “Too bad Johnny Dangerous got the short end of the stick here in this match, being cheated out of this match by Jack the Ripper! When Johnny comes to his sense I can almost guarantee that there will be hell to PAY! Run while you have the chance Jack, because you are about to have a secret agent in hot pursuit!”

 

The Scene fades to commercials as Ejiro is mounted in the corner turnbuckle with his arm raised high into the air towards the crowds, who are cheering ever so loud!

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

SJL Metal comes back from a commercial for Watson 310 Mafia’s newest album, “Aaron is Gay”, featuring the hit song of the same name. The cameras pan around the semi-full Gund Arena, showing signs such as “Chicken Stole My Wallet!”, “GODREA’S PICKLED BABIES ARE GOOD FOR STRENGTHZ!!11”, and comes full circle around to Axis and Suicide King

 

Axis: What a night so far! Right now we’ve got one heck of a match. Christian Fury and Logan!!

 

King: Stop shilling you jackass. You and I both know that these talent-less hacks couldn’t work a good match on an X-Box.

 

Axis: Nevertheless, we have to watch it. And since I have no clue as to Logan’s entrance, he’s conveniently in the ring right now.

 

“Mr. Krinkle” by Primus hits the speakers with a boom and the fans quickly jump to their feet giving a mixed reaction as red, white, and green lasers appear blazing with quickness through the capacity crowd. A bomb goes off at the top of the stage. The smoke clears, revealing Fury dressed in his ring attire of a black wife beater and Italian flagged army fatigue pants. He looks around the crowd with a smirk. Fury saunters down the ramp and to the ring where Logan is patiently waiting. Actually, Logan is just finishing a ham and cheese Croissant Pocket™ (In your grocer’s freezer aisle). Tossing the crisping sleeve aside, Logan kicks the Fury in the head as he (Fury) slides in the ring. Referee BA Baracus signals for the start of the match.

 

DING! DING!! DING!!!

 

Logan pulls Fury to his feet and attempts a whip. Fury reverses and on the rebound, Logan is nailed with a Three Stooges-like poke to they eyes. Logan drops to the floor and starts doing the “Curly.” Fury, confused, smacks Baracus with a monkey wrench. Baracus then grabs the back of his neck and does a front flip. Repeating this several times, BA flips over the top rope, landing on the ring steps, a “Bonk” sound ringing out from the steps/BA’s head.

 

Axis: What the hell is going on? This match has turned into a Three Stooges short.

 

King: And your point is?

 

Axis: I just thought that the fans here would like to see a nice match.

 

King looks to his presumably long-time partner, swallows a shot of bourbon and takes a drag on his cigarette. “Naw, see. The fans don’t want that, see. They want pain, see. The want to see people getting hurt, see,” King says as Axis looks confused.

 

Axis: Why are you talking like a 30s style gangster?

 

King takes another drink of bourbon and begins to polish his .38. He looks to the camera and begins to speak, “Gangster? My partner has said some crazy things, but a gangster? I better set him straight, tell him that I’m a private eye.” Axis, who has obviously heard this, is even more confused.

 

Axis: Uh, let’s talk about the match, okay?

 

The camera goes back to the ring, where Logan has now donned a chicken outfit and if strutting around the ring, clucking. Meanwhile, Fury and Baracus are engaged in what appears to be a full-contact version of Yahtzee®!

 

King takes a drag on his cigarette, exhales the smoke, looks at the ring, then back at Axis and begins to speak, “You want to talk about the match? Listen pal, that Logan is nothing but trouble. Plus, I think he’s running a speakeasy. I’m going to take him down.” King takes another swallow of bourbon, loads his .38 stands up, and shouts to Logan, “You’re going down, see!!” King squeezes the trigger and Logan mutters, “Oh cluck me.” However, just at that moment, Baracus heaves down the dice, and one bounces off the ropes, coming right in the path of the oncoming bullet. Logan is saved and Fury wins the game as Baracus needed a six, but due to the bullet, the die comes up as a two. Baracus is enraged and he runs towards King, and throws that foo’!

 

Axis: Folks it appears that my commentary partner is gone for now, so in his place, a Crazy Person!

 

CP: So, do the camels try and milk you, too?

 

Axis: Maybe I should just try this solo…

 

Fury whips Logan to the ropes, and Logan pecks Fury in the forehead, busting him wide open. Logan’ beak lusts for more blood, however, and he continues to peck away at Fury, causing more and more blood to flow. Logan flaps his “wings” around as Fury bleeds, Baracus puts on more gold chains, and the Crazy Person has a conversation with Thomas Edison.

 

Suddenly, the lights go out, and a few seconds later, they come back on, with Logan and Fury laid out, both bleeding (Fury more so than Logan). The fans start to cheer, as in the middle of the ring is Thug, former WOW wrestler. Lifting Logan up, Thug puts him in a standing headscissors, and…powerbomb! Thug then pulls Fury to his feet, whips him to the ropes, and drops him to the mat with a spinebuster. Thug looks at the two combatants, laughs to herself and exits the ring, running up the ramp and out of the arena. Baracus gets back in the ring, looks at Logan and Fury, and pulls them to their feet. Logan takes a feeble swing at Fury, but misses easily by three feet. Fury attempts a kick, but the excessive loss of blood has made him dizzy, and he almost falls. Logan nudges Fury, who nudges Logan back.

 

Axis: Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been put to a grinding halt after Thug has left.

 

CP: No, Thomas. I’m telling you, a kangaroo invented the incandescent electric light bulb….no, you’re not listening…no, you shut up…hey, my mother is a descent woman, so you just take that back…oh yeah, well your face is stupid!

 

Baracus, tired of the two men attempting to do something, runs out of the ring and to the parking lot. There, he gets in this 1982 GMC van and drives down the ramp, and the van flies into the ring, landing on top of Logan and Fury. Baracus makes the cover:

 

1!

 

2!!

 

3!!!

 

Baracus calls for the bell as King has finally made his way back to the commentary table. Pulling out his .38, he fires off another shot, this one at Baracus. However, the van leaps in front of the bullet, catching it right in the engine block. Baracus looks down at his fallen ride and weeps, screaming, “WHY GOD, WHY?” Standing, Baracus leaps over the top rope, charges towards King and begins eating him. King tries to no-sell, but since I’m tired of typing, Baracus stops, both apologize, Logan and Fury get to their feet, and all eat the Crazy Person.

 

THE END

 

Originally written as a squash/joke match for Outcast for IWF. I changed some stuff, but I’m lazy, so n00ch.

-GOdrea

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

The camera fades in to a panoramic view inside McCaughlin's Irish Pub. The atmosphere is bustling: every seat at the bar is filled, and pretty Irish waitresses deliver drink orders to the patrons seated at the tables scattered throughout the pub. The air echoes with the sounds of conversation, classic Irish tunes from the jukebox, and the smacking of billiard balls on one of the pub's four pool tables.

 

Ben Hardy stands facing the camera, his back to the bar. "We're here inside McCaughlin's Irish Pub, for what was originally scheduled by the commissioner to be a Pub Crawl match between Tim Dillon and Wildchild for the European Title." Ben pauses in order to turn to one side, allowing the camera to zoom in on Wildchild and Tim Dillon, who were seated at the bar directly behind him. "But, as you can see, the two participants do not appear to be in any great hurry to get the match started. Gentlemen, how long do you plan on waiting before you actually get to your match? I mean, we've got a referee here just waiting on you two to get started."

 

Tim Dillon turned away from the bar and gaped at Hardy, with a half-amused, half-irritated look on his face. "Now look here, Benjy, you've been a thorn in our sides ever since we stepped inna tha' pub. Can't you just let the two of us enjoy our ale in peace?"

 

"Oui, monsieur," chimes in Wildchild, taking a long sip from a mug of beer. "You need t'relax more, mon ami!Come have a drink wit' us!"

 

Ben shakes his head. "N-n-n-no thanks, Wildchild. I'm still working, here."

 

"Suit yourself, t'en." Wildchild shrugs and turns his attention away from Hardy, towards a lovely young lady who had suddenly appeared at the bar to his left, a raven-haired beauty with hypnotizing blue eyes. "Bonjour, madame..."

 

As Wildchild puts the moves on the young woman, Tim Dillon is more or less engrossed in his beer, trying to relax himself. As he turns his head to the right, he notices a pretty young girl with flaming red hair and bright green eyes walking towards him from across the pub. While he looks her up and down with an appreciative eye, he has no intention on doing anything with her. When she finally gets to the bar, she tries to start a conversation with Tim, who politely turns her down, but offers to buy here a drink, anyway.

 

 

 

About four or five beers later...

 

 

Tim Dillion is just starting to feel buzzed, and is mentally reviewing the many virtues of beer. Wildchild is starting to show some signs of inebriation, and he continues his conversation with the young girl. Suddenly, a man stormed towards Wildchild from across the bar, shoving him in the back while screaming, "Hey! What're ye doin' talkin' to me girl?!"

 

Wildchild looks at the man incredulously, and shrugs his shoulders.. "Pardon, monsieur, I did not know she was seeing someone else, but it looks as though she chose me." He fishes out a five-dollar bill from his sweatpants. "Here, monsieur, just to show there's no hard feelings, let me buy you a drink."

 

The man slapped the bill out of Wildchild's hand. "The only think I want from you, wanker, is to kick yer ass!"He shoves Wildchild off his stool, which sends him tumbling backwards into Dillon, as he was raising his mug to his lips to take another sip. The impact startled Dillon, and caused him to spill his beer all over the floor of the pub. As the jilted lover grabs Wildchild and pulls him closer, Wildchild responds with a headbutt that sends him stumbling backwards, and the springs into the air, belting him across the face with a jumping calf kick. Meanwhile, Tim Dillon is looking towards the floor with a grief-stricken expression, mumbling something in Gaelic about the loss of his beer. Suddenly, his facial features harden, as he snaps his head up and towards Wildchild.

 

Wildchild, oblivious to what's going on with Tim, grabs the girl by the hand, and starts to walk past Dillon towards the exit. "Well, I'll see you around, mon ami! I'm headed back to..."

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

Wildchild is stopped abruptly in mid-sentence by a fist from Dillon which lands squarely between the eyes, knocking him backwards. Dillon glares at him fiercely, and shouts, "Spill my beer, will ye? Alright mate, if you want a match that badly, I'll give you one!"

 

Dillon lunges at Wildchild with a left hook, followed by a right uppercut, both of which Wildchild avoids, with only a little difficulty. As Tim throws another left hook, Wildchild grabs hold of his fist. "I don't want to fight you, mon ami! Please, let me..."

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

Dillon connects with a right cross that sends Wildchild sailing into the bar. "Ye should've thought of that before ye spilled me beer!"

 

 

THUD! THUD! WHACK!

 

 

Dillon lays into Wildchild with lefts and rights to his midsection, and then nails Wildchild with a left jab that snaps his head back like a Pez dispenser. Dillon grabs hold of Wildchild's arm and whips him towards the nearest pool table. Wildchild somersaults over the top of the table to the other side, and is only barely able to duck a flying beer mug thrown from Dillon. Dillon climbs on to of the pool table, and charges towards Wildchild, who leaps into the air and claps his hands behind Dillon's head, planting his feet into his gut, and sending him flying overhead with his trademark Freefall, and crashing into a nearby table.

 

Wildchild slowly walks over to Dillon, his face a mask of apprehension, and extends his hand to Dillon. "Mon ami, surely we can talk dis over! I don't want to fight you..."

 

OOF!

 

The rest of Wildchild's words are lost to a searing uppercut to the stomach, which bends him over in pain. Dillon slowly starts to stand up, and grabs Wildchid by the hair, muttering in Gaelic "well, that makes one of us," before whipping him headfirst into the jukebox.

 

 

SMACK!

 

Wildchild strikes the jukebox face-first, abruptly ending the solemn bagpipes solo that had been playing. Widchild slowly turns to face Dillon, cradling his sore chin, and shaking his head. "Okay, den. If you insist..."

 

In a flash, Wildchild runs towards Dillon, springboarding off the pool table, and landing on Dillon's shoulders before taking him over in a flying head scissors as the gathering crowd looks on with interest.

 

Wildchild whips Dillon into the bar, bending over as Dillon staggers towards him, and lifting him into the air with a back body drop onto the pool table. Wildchild leaps backwards into the air, landing across Tim's chest with a backflip splash, hooking the leg as the referee counts:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREEEEEEE---NO!

 

 

Before the ref can count three, Tim gets his shoulder up. Wildchild stands on the edge of the pool table and leaps into the air, looking to catch Dillon with a senton back splash, but Tim rolls out of the way.

 

 

CRASH!

 

Wildchild clutches his back with a pained expression on his face atop the pool table, as Dillon slowly gets back to his feet. Dillon drags Wildhild's body to the edge of the pool table, draping his head over the side as he rains forearms onto Wildchild's chest. He then climbs onto a nearby pool table, leaping off towards Wildchild, and sending him flipping off the table with the brutal force of a springboard leg drop. Dillon rolls on top of Wildchild, and calls the ref over for the count...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREEEEEEEE---NO! Wildchild kicks out!

 

 

Dillon stands up, and pulls Wildchild to his feet by the hair. He whips Wildchild into the bar, where he smashes against the railing back-first. Dillon charges towards Wildchild looking for the Gore, but at the last second, Wildchild pulls himself onto the bar, causing Dillon to smash headfirst into the paneling at the base of the bar. Wildchild rolls off the bar, and attempts to pin Tim with a Sunset Flip...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THR-- NO! Tim Dillon kicks out!

 

 

As both men struggle to get to their feet, Wildchild slaps his thigh, and blazes towards Dillon, looking to put him down with a shuffling side kick. Dillon, however, manages to evade the kick, and grabs a nearby pool cue, swinging straight for Wildchild's face.

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

The impact of the blow breaks the cue in half, and sends Wildchild flying backwards into a nearby table, his nose busted open. Dillon quickly lay atop him, looking for the cover:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEE--- NO! Wildchild gets the shoulder up!

 

 

 

Dillon tosses Wildchild into the bar, and begins batter him with punches to the kidneys. Wildchild face is awash with pain as he tries to muster the strength to get away, when he looks across the bar into the mirror and notices the bottom of his face adorned in a crimson mask. Suddenly, Wildchild's eyes narrow and he bares he teeth in anger, before rearing his head back, bashing Dillon in the bridge of the nose.As Dillon staggers backwards, Wildchild whips around, and dives towards the pool table, clutching a cue ball in his right hand, and swinging his arm towards Dillon's face.

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

Dillon falls backwards to floor in a sitting position, his nose dripping blood after being crushed by the cue ball. Wildchild runs towards Dillon and dropkicks him in the face, causing the back of his head to bounce off the concrete floor of the pub. Wildchild rolls over to Dillon and makes a cover:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEE -- NO! Tim Dillon barely gets the shoulder up!

 

 

Wildchild picks Dillon up and goes behind him to secure a waist-lock, looking to drop him back to the floor with a neck drop suplex. But Tim flips over the top of Wildchild, spins him around, and stuns him with the Irish Fury! Dillon repeatedly snaps Wildchild's head back with swift, hard jabs to the face. As Wildchild staggers back and forth dazed, Tim breaks into an Irish Jig! As the jig comes to an end, however, Wildchild drops to the floor in a split position, and drives a fist upwards into Dillon's groin!

 

Tim bends over immediately, clutching his family jewels for dear life, as Wildchild stands back up with a snarl. He takes advantage of Dillon being bent over to set him up for the Wild Ride! He spins around and stands upright, leaving Dillon's legs draped over his shoulders and, with a deranged shriek, falls backwards, driving Dillon's head into the unyeilding concrete floor.

 

 

WHAM!!

 

 

Wildchild stands up and surveys the damage, the red haze of fury slowly starting to clear from his eyes. As he realizes what has just done, he bends down to tend to Tim, when suddenly the crowd parts to give way to Ejiro Fasaki, who grabs a glass pitcher from the bar and smashes the blunt end over the top of Wildchild's skull...

 

 

BAM!

 

Wildchild falls to the floor in a heap as the pitcher breaks into a million pieces over the top of his head. Ejiro stands over the top of Wildchild, looking down on him with a pitiless expression. He pulls Wildchild's limp body up by the hair, and calmly says to him, "trust me, kid; this is for your own good... "

 

With that, Ejiro hooks Wildchild with a 3/4 front face-lock, and runs towards the pool table and off the side, flipping over the top of Wildchild, and landing behind him, nailing him with the Ejirocution! Ejiro drags Dillon's limp body on top of Wildchild, and gestures to the ref to count the pinfall. The referee, powerless to disqualify Ejiro, reluctantly makes his count...

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

Ejiro's face breaks into a small smile. Looking down at Wildchild, he says calmly, "remember, kid; you'll thank me later..." With that, he grabs a nearby beer off the bar, drains the glass, and walks out of the pub.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

And once again, we come back live, to another edition of Smarks Junior League Metal, as the crowd explodes and awakens, as the camera pan around the arena, showing all the jumping, moshing, screaming hardcore JL fans! The camera then cuts to the entrance way as Godsmack’s “I Stand Alone” hits the PA system and out steps Kamikaze from the entrance way, being carefully followed by his girlfriend Maria. Maria walks several paces behind him as he begins walking down the ramp. A mixed reaction flows behind Kamikaze

 

“Well, welcome back to Smarks Junior League Metal, folks. As always, it’s your favorite duo of yours truly, Axis, and The Suicide King at ringside to call the action,” Axis says, “If you’ve just tuned in, this is a #1 contendership match for the World Championship belt of the JL, and Kamikaze is looking alive and ready for this match!”

 

“Well,” Suicide King comments, “He’s got quite a challenge ahead of him, as he’s going to face a member of the Junior League that is probably one of the most veteran members!”

 

Kamikaze hops up to the second rope, as a barrage of boos, cheers, jeers, and comments hit him, as he throws his arms up into the air and takes in a deep breath, as he screams out “KAMIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZE!” and hops down from the turnbuckle. He looks out at the crowd, keeping a stern face.

 

“From Minnetonka, Minnesota, WEIIIIGHIN’ in at 235 pounds…KAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Funyon announces. After Funyon’s announcement, the arena darkens. The crowd comes alive in a mixed reaction as well, but mostly boos.

 

“Here he comes. A former Television Champion. A former Tag Team Champion. A former European Champion, and he’s only got one more to go to hit the grand slam of the Junior League, not an easy task I might add, and this match could determine weather that might happen…” The Suicide King says.

 

…

 

 

…

 

 

…

 

 

…

 

::BOOM!::

 

A huge explosion of neon-purple pyro erupts on the stage, as smoke hisses out from the entrance way. “Rise” by The Cult blasts over the speakers, as Matt Myers steps out from the curtain. The crowd explodes in boos as he smiles at the crowd, but not opening his mouth. He begins walking down to the ring as Funyon announces him.

 

“FROM NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT!” Funyon booms, “Weighing in at 229 Poooooounds…MAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYERS!”

 

Matt Myers’ eyes catch a sight of Maria, as he winks at her. Kamikaze’s face turns bright red, not in embarrassment, but in rage, as Matt Myers slides in under the bottom ring rope.

 

“Hey, doesn’t Matt Myers already have a girlfriend? Brianna Flynn, one of our foreign talent agents?” Axis questions.

 

“Yeah, but ah, hell, Axis, be a man!” The Suicide King says, “Maria has a nice ass and rack, and hell, the more the merrier! That’s what I always say, and look how I turned out!”

 

Axis pauses, staring at King. He then quickly averts his head away from The Suicide King and begins chuckling.

 

“What?” King questions, “What?! What did I say?!”

 

The referee sees Matt Myers lean against the ring ropes, prepping for his match, as Kamikaze bends under the top ring rope, as he begins saying something to Maria, as Maria rolls her eyes. Kamikaze begins to raise his voice, as the referee turns his back, which may be his biggest mistake of the match. As he bends under the bottom rope as he begins telling the time keeper to ring the bell, Matt Myers sneaks up behind Kamikaze. He grabs his shoulder, as he turns him around so he’s facing him and…

 

::PPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT!::

 

Green Mist is sprayed RIGHT in Kamikaze’s eyes, as Kamikaze stumbles backwards, trying to regain his sight, but Matt Myers follows as he kicks Kamikaze in the gut and scoops Kamikaze on to his back, as he shifts Kamikaze’s weight…puts him in a tombstone piledriver position, and WHAM! A Death Myers Driver I right to Kamikaze, as Kamikaze falls to the mat, limp. Matt Myers quickly covers as the bell rings and the referee turns around, as the shocked referee pauses, as he drops to his knees and begins to count…

 

::Ding, ding, ding!::

 

“WHAT THE…” Axis makes out, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

 

“I don’t know, but WHO CARES! MATT MYERS IS MAKING THE COVER!” The Suicide King says…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

::Ding, ding, ding!::

 

“The…um…winner of this match…” Funyon says, “Matt…Myers?”

 

“And what the hell was that?!” Axis says, “With the referee’s back turned, Matt Myers green misted, a move we haven’t seen from him in ages, and then Death Myers Driver I to Kamikaze, and he’s out of here! The match was what? Three, maybe FOUR SECONDS?!”

 

“It was actually 4.6 seconds to be exact,” The Suicide King says, pointing to his watch, “And it was his own fault. Kamikaze was distracted by Maria, and who wouldn’t be? I know I was!”

 

“Oh…god damnit, King. Well, folks, we’ll be right back, don’t go away. We’ve got one of the most dangerous and grueling matches ever to be witnessed in the Smarks Junior League, a FIRST EVER INFERNO MATCH! Judge Mental putting the title on the line against Mike Van Siclen, and it’s NEXT!”

 

The camera zooms in on Matt Myers, who s dancing up the stage to the back, as it fades out into a commercial…

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

“I SAID HALLELUIAH TO THE SIXTEEN LOYAL FANS…”

 

The electronically generated sounds of “Battleflag” by Lo-Fidelity All-Stars plays as the tall lanky silhouette of a tall, lanky man is shown in front of a bright portal. With those words, the silhouette advances into the light and disappears with the sounds of the crowd beginning to cheer, and the screen goes black. After the screen is black, white letters fade in.

 

SWF Anthology CD…... November 2002

 

And now the camera comes in on wild crowd in RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina, as we comeback to SJL Metal! The crowd goes into a frenzy at the small commercial, which was shown on the SmarkTron as well, and the camera pans across the fans for signs. One sign they come across says “Wildchild, I think I *heart* you” is held up by one little teenage girl, while a group of people hold up a large sign saying “Don’t make me Fasaki you up!” with a picture of Ejiro locking in the Cobra Crossface. A group of girls holds up another big sign: A picture of Johnny Dangerous coming down the entrance ramp in his super-suave way with the quote, “License to Thrill” under it. The cameras cut down to ringside with King and Axis standing by.

 

“Welcome back from commercial break! We’ve been through some great matches tonight. The opening triple threat match was great, with Ejiro Fasaki, Jack the Ripper, and Johnny Dangerous putting in great efforts.”

 

“Boring.”

 

“…. After that we had Christian Fury versus Logan, which turned out to be another excellent mat-”

 

“Jesus, Axis, what is with the verbal blowjobs here? Neither of these guys are going to anything, and their match totally sucked. All you are doing is saying ‘Hey, suck more and I’ll give you more praise!’. God damn suck up.”

 

“Hey King, maybe in that self deluded little world of yours no one can compare one of your matches. OH, SORRY O GREAT EGOTISTICAL PRICK!” With that Axis crosses his arms angrily as King gives a very surprised look.

 

“…. So, when did you get your new backbone?”

 

“Last week when I… Hey!”

 

“Well, it doesn’t seem to fit correctly, so you’d better return it. Anyways, we are finally up to the one match that everyone has been waiting for: Our so far excellent champion, Judge Mental, and that little sonovabitch traitor, Mike van Sucklen, in an Inferno match!” King finishes that last statement and rubs his hands with glee as an irritated Axis takes over.

 

“Anyways, in an Inferno Match the bottom ropes are set aflame after the two wrestlers enter the ring, and the only way to win the match is to set the other man on fire. It can be a boot, his tights, his hair, but that’s all that you need to do.” Axis points out as King takes up his usual leisurely position, putting his feet up onto the table.

 

“And the only man that is gonna burst into flames tonight is MVS. There is no way that the Judge is going to lose his title to a talentless hack like MVS.” But before King goes on, Axis stops him with the facts.

 

“Well, look. MVS is the top contender in the fed. He’s basically beaten all other contenders in the fed, and I think he may be the only one who could stop Judge Mental right now.” King gives a laugh at that comment.

 

“MVS? Yeah…. SURE. This guy doesn’t have a chance against the technical brilliance the Judge. I mean, he didn’t even deserve to beat Kaze. I mean, jeez.....”

 

“Well, he did, and he full deserves the chance he has fought hard for. God help him against Judge Mental.”

 

“I’m not going to… oh wait, you don’t mean me, do you?” With that last little quip, the lights go out and a lone blue spotlight shines on the stage.

 

“I shut’em down….”

 

All the girls in the crowd go wild, and the rest of the people follow along as LL Cool J’s “Shut ‘Em Down” flows through the arena P.A. system, and the man they’ve all been waiting for steps out. Mike Van Siclen walks down the ramp with his lovely aid, Katelyn, doting by his side. He walks down with the spotlight following his every move, occasionally giving a wave to his loyal fans.

 

BOOM!

 

As he walks down the ramp, a set of blue pyros on either side go off.

 

BOOM!

 

Another set of pyros go off as MVS passes, this time a bright red.

 

BOOM!

 

A final set of pyros go off, again bright blue.

 

“Now entering the ring at 237 pounds…… simply put the most Amazin’ wrestler to ever grace the SJL canvas….. Mike… Van…. SICLEN!!!!!”

 

The crowd roars like an F-5 tornado as MVS climbs through the ropes and enters the ring. He goes over to his corner in his gray tights with “Mike Van Siclen” printed in red interlocking letters, and begins to stretch out while Axis begins to speak.

 

“Well, MVS has entered the ring, and he looks as ready as you can get for one of these horrifying matches. Now we are just waiting for our current champion.” With that, the lights go down to a sickening red.

 

“NOW TESTIFY!!!!”

 

Rage Against the Machine’s “Testify” blares over the sound system as flaming pyros shoot up from the stage, causing the fans to unload some of their own heat. On the SmarkTron, the accolades of the World Champ are shown in brief video clips, culminating in some of his more recent wins in the SJL. The pyros go down, the lights go back to normal, and out steps the man himself, judicial robes and all.

 

“Weighing in at 250 pounds, would the crowd please rise for the Honorable SJL World….. CHAMPION……. Judge MENTAL!!”

 

The boos intensify as he walks down the ramp with his title on his shoulder, and a couple poorly thrown beer cups land around him, which he nonchalantly sidesteps. He takes off his robes before he enters the ring and shoves them into the waiting arms of one of the refs. The ref, expecting to take the title instead, follows Mental as he personally places the World Title on the Timekeeper’s table. He climbs into the ropes and begins to stretch out as well.

 

“The following match will be fought for the S...J….L…. World TITLE! The match is an Inferno match: The ropes will now be set aflame and the first man to catch fire will be declared the loser. There are no countouts or disqualifications.”

 

One of the many refs standing by ringside pulls out a large blowtorch of sorts, and brings it up to the bottom ropes. In an instant, the rope catches fire and it runs down the bottom rope, surrounding the inner ring in flame that rises to about the second rope. MVS looks around, a little at the flames, and takes a big breath to release some of his nervousness; the worst thing he’s ever been in is a Window Pain match. This is almost on another level. Mental, on the other hand, wears a cool face: He’s been in crazier things than this, and while he might be a little nervous he certainly isn’t going to show it.

 

“Well, MVS is a little new to this match, but Mental seems as calm as a cucumber. This is where his vast experience really pays off. But for a man who has never been in one of these matches, Mike seems to be handling himself quite well.”

 

“What are you talking about, Axis? Mike’s sweating like a dog in there! He’s damn afraid of Mental.”

 

“….. It’s from the heat of the flames, King.”

 

Both men come out toward the center of the ring, away from the flames, and begin to stare at each other for a moment, looking for weaknesses. Both men come nearly face to face, gazing into the other man’s eyes, and lock up in the middle. Mental begins to push MVS back for a moment, but MVS pushes him right back, and each man vies for the advantage in the tie up. But every time one man seems to press forward, the other man pushes right back, and both men push the other away to break it up. They begin to go toward it each other again, but this time Mental throws a punch. MVS barely blocks it with his forearm, and strikes back with one of his own, clocking Mental right in the head. The Judge is knocked back from the power of the punch, but dodges the next one as MVS tries to push the advantage.

 

“Well, it looks like both these men are equally matched in here. Same size, about the same strength and speed. And it looks as if Mental has recovered from that minor concussion he suffered from last week.”

 

MVS comes at the Judge with another hard punch, but Mental ducks this one and gives MVS a hard jab to the stomach. MVS doubles over from the force, and Mental quickly wraps his arm around Mike’s neck for a DDT. But before he can complete the maneuver Mike gives him a quick knee, and grabs Mental in DDT position. He swings down underneath Mental, bring the Judge’s neck right down on his shoulder.

 

“Russian Roulette by MVS, and it looks like his normal game plan is the same today; work the neck for the Van Slaminator or the Crossface Halo.”

 

Mental clutches his neck in pain as MVS gets up from the crowd pleasing move and goes for a quick elbow drop onto Mental’s neck…. Which Mental quickly rolls away from. MVS, gets up quickly, rubbing his elbow a little as Mental gets to his feet. Seeing the opportunity, Van Siclen runs forward with his arm outstretched for a clothesline…. Which Mental ducks with ease, wrapping his arm around the neck of Mike and taking him to the ground. He maintains the hold, pulling Mike’s head back behind his arm and locking in the Dragon Sleeper!

 

“And Mental locks in the Dragon Sleeper! It looks like both men will be working the neck in this match today, both presumably for setting up their finishers to disable the other man before dragging him to the burning ropes.”

 

“Come on, Mental, choke that sucker out! Show him what happens when someone quits the sWo!”

 

“…. Mental isn’t in the sWo.”

 

“Hey, he’s still doing a favor to the best JL stable around.”

 

“It’s the ONLY stable in the JL.”

 

“Your point being?”

 

MVS furiously grabs Mental’s strong arm, trying to pull it off. He instinctively reaches for the ropes, but the heat coming off of him forces him to immediately retract his hand. He pulls hard on Mental’s arm, loosening the grip as Mental tries to hold on with his one arm. But Mike doesn’t relent, finally loosening it enough that he pulls his head out and gives Mental a few quick elbow to the ribs. Mental begins to roll away, but as he hits his belly MVS is right on top of him, putting his arms right across his face for a Gokuraku Clutch! The crowd pops big as Mental kicks his legs as Mike pulls his face back with his arms.

 

“CLUTCH AMAZICO! Mike gets out of the Dragon Sleeper and reverses it into his own deadly submission!”

 

“Come on Mental! You were getting out of this stuff when that cocky bastard was in pre-school! Show him some moves!”

 

Mental pulls hard with his hands, beginning to pry away Mike’s hands away from his face as Mike struggles to assert his grip on the Judge. Finally, with one great pull, Mental breaks the crossface and pushes MVS off his back. MVS gets away before getting up, and stands close to the ropes. Mental gets up, and begins to come at him but stops.

 

“What’s he doing?” Axis asks as King gives him a little explanation.

 

“Easy: Mike was trying to lure him at the ropes. Mike’s a fast little sucker (Like most rats are) and probably thought he could dodge as Mental came in with a move, sending the World Champ right into the ropes. Tricky little idea, but not tricky enough to fool the Judge.”

 

MVS watches as Mental stands in the middle of the ring, and says a small “Damn, almost had him” as he carefully comes out to meet Mental in the middle of the ring again. The Judge readies himself and does a quick pivot on his left foot as MVS gets close, throwing his right foot up in almost a second as for a big Superkick…. That MVS ducks right under it, scissoring his feet around Mental’s left foot and bringing the old man slamming to the mat on his face with a drop toe hold! Mental covers his face as MVS quickly kips up and puts some distance between him and the Judge. He gets a running start and jumps into the air, dropping right down on the downed veteran’s head with a Guillotine Legdrop!

 

“Van Siclen Guillotine, and now MVS is now beginning to drag Mental by his foot to the flames!”

 

True to what Axis says, Mike begins to drag Mental by his foot towards the flaming ropes, pushing against the wall of heat being generated by the flames, which have now begun to spread to the second rope. He gets closer and closer, until finally the Judge gives a mighty yank of his leg, which pulls Mike backwards and into Mental’s outstretched legs. He locks them around his body, and tries to lock in a half nelson chokehold against the struggling Mike.

 

“Mental is going for a Kataha-jime! If he locks in this one, he’ll choke MVS out!”

 

“Yes! Kill that little rat!”

 

Mental struggles, trying to lock the unfamiliar move in, but Mike continues to struggle, gives elbows to Mental’s ribs. Finally, Mental is forced to release Mike, giving a silent curse for not practicing the move before the match. As the Judge begins to get up, MVS throws out his left leg, sweeping Mental right off his feet and putting him right on his back again. MVS gets up, grabbing Mental and also pulling him to his feet. He bends him over and wraps his arm around his neck, spinning and dropping Mental with an Eye of the Hurricane-like maneuver.

 

“CODE RED! CODE RED!” Axis yells over the roar of the crowd as MVS begins to pick up the stunned Mental again. Mike gives a stiff chop to the neck again, making the Judge grimace a little, and flows with another… and another… and another… that Mental ducks, spinning Mike around. Mental grabs him in a waist lock and brings him over top for a big German Suplex! The crowd boos, but he isn’t done yet. He lifts MVS up, still in the waist lock, and brings him around for another suplex!

 

“2 Rolling Germans, after the Code Red, but it doesn’t look like the Judge is quite done yet.”

 

Sure enough, the Judge brings MVS up for another one, but Van Siclen elbows Mental right in the nose, forcing the Judge to release the hold quite quickly. Mental stumbles backward, and MVS hammers him again with a powerful punch, pushing him closer to the flaming ropes. The flames have intensified a little more, and the heat in the ring is much more noticeable, with both men covered in sweat. Mental stops himself only a few feet in front of the ropes as Mike throws a heel kick…. That Mental catches! The Judge holds it for a moment, forcing MVS to hop backwards toward the middle of the ring. The Judge throws the foot to the side, sending MVS spinning, and Mental dashes forward, catching his arms right around Mike’s neck. He squeezes tightly, locking in the sleeper hold, and tries hard to cut off the oxygen supply of Mike Van Siclen. Mike struggles hard, trying to loosen the grip of the hold, but Mental has his good with it, not budging a bit as MVS tries to get a breath of air. He tries thrashing around, but Mental keeps his footing, and MVS slowly begins to fade…. And fade…..

 

“MVS, no! Don’t give up!” Axis cries as King looks on and laughs.

 

“Yes! YES! If you choke him out, Mental, you’ll be almost comparable to Mak Francis!”

 

Mental begins to drag the near unconscious man towards the tall flames, which have spread to the top ropes, making it increasingly more difficult to see in. MVS squirms a little as he gets closer to the heat of the flames, trying to turn his head away, but Mental pushes on…. Until MVS grabs the top of Mental’s head and sits out, turning the sleeper into an impromptu Jawbreaker and forcing the Judge to release the hold! The crowd goes absolutely wild as Mental yells in pain, but they quiet down as soon as they see MVS struggling for breath. The fire has produced little smoke due to the advanced measures taken with the crew to prevent the two men from suffocating, but MVS feels even the smallest bit of smoke in the air as he tries to regain his breath. He gives a couple big coughs, which causes Katelyn to begin to run towards the ring. But before she can she is stopped by one of the refs. MVS gives a weak smile which can be seen through the flames as he waves her off and begins to get up.

 

“Excellent reversal there by MVS! I must say, he can really come through in a bind.”

 

“Yeah sure. What-OH! Hell yes, Judge! Tiger Suplex! That’s what you get for bringing your girlfriend to ringside, dumbass.”

 

“Yes, the Judge comes up from behind on the distracted MVS and hooks his arms for a vicious Tiger Suplex. And I think I was wrong on Mental’s strategy before, King.”

 

“Of course you were. You couldn’t possibly fathom the strategic mind of a fantastic wrestler like Judge Mental.”

 

“….. SURE, King. Anyways, it seems like Mental is actually trying to choke MVS out so he can put him into the flames without resistance.”

 

Mental rolls over as he sees MVS writhing in agony from the big Tiger Suplex. He quickly moves in, grabbing MVS and pulling him up. He tries to lock in another sleeper, but MVS takes his arm and pulls it forward, pulling Mental’s head right onto his shoulder. MVS grabs the Judge’s neck and spins around, twisting in mid air and snapping the Judge’s neck right up against his shoulder for a spinning neckbreaker! The crowd pops big as Mike slowly gets up and picks the stunned World Champ up. He grabs his legs and puts them under his arms, and the crowd becomes deafening as they know what is going on.

 

“MVS IS SET UP FOR THE VAN SLAMINATOR! HE’LL KNOCK MENTAL OUT WITH THIS ONE!” Axis bellows as King slams his fist against the table.

 

“DAMNIT, DON’T LET ME DOWN NOW, MENTAL! DON’T LET THIS PANSY ASS KID WIN THE WORLD!”

 

Mike gets ready to sit out, but before he can, Mental leans himself forward, and begins to fall head first behind Mike! He flips around to landing sitting, grabbing MVS around the waist as he comes down. MVS, totally surprised by this reversal, is flipped backwards and his back is slammed hard into the mat in a summerset flip/powerbomb reversal! Mental holds on for the pin.

 

…..

…..

…..

…..

…..

 

Suddenly Mental realizes that this match isn’t for pinfalls, and releases Mike’s feet.

 

“Incredible reversal by Mental, but he actually forgot this match wasn’t for pinfalls. That could have cost him a valuable chance to lock in another sleeper and knock Mike out.”

 

“Give the guy a break. I mean, come on! How many people outside of me, Mak Francis, or Tom Flesher could have made that reversal work?”

 

“….”

 

Mental gets up, pulling Mike up to his feet. The heat in the ring is now much worse than before as now all the ropes are in flames, and both men are sweating profusely. Some of the people in the crowd begin to wonder how much longer both men can go on, thinking about the oven that the ring has become. Mental begins to lift Mike up, trying to get him in a waist lock, but the stunned MVS slides right out of it and to the ground again. Mental lifts him up again, this time making sure his grip is firm, and applies a good waist lock. He prepares to bring him up for a german suplex, but when he attempts to lift him his arms slide right up into his armpits, lifting him up awkwardly only a few feet off the ground. He gives a frustrated damn as he gives up on the move and attempts to lock in another dragon sleeper. But before he can, MVS slides his head out and gives him a stiff elbow to the ribs. Mental lets go to clutch his ribs, and Mike turns around, grabbing the Judge’s head with both hands and jumps down, slamming Mental’s face into the ground with a double handed facebuster! The crowd goes wild as MVS slowly begins to get up.

 

“The heat in there is really affecting the style of wrestling now. Just look at the trouble Mental had trying to do a German Suplex!”

 

MVS pulls Mental up and tries to Irish whip him into the turnbuckle, now a superheated piece of metal after the pads burned off during the match. He begins to whip him toward it, but Mental stops, reversing the whip and sending MVS at the piece of incredibly hot steel! As Mike runs at it with incredible momentum the crowd gasps and Mental watches with on with a grin as Van Siclen gets closer…. And closer… until…

 

 

 

 

 

 

MVS runs up the turnbuckle and puts all his momentum into a desperation moonsault! Mental’s jaw drops as he watches as the man, who seems way to big to ever attempt this normally, leaps off with all his power, and does a flip in mid air, crashing down on Mental! The crowd jumps to their feet and goes absolutely crazy, as if Edwin MacPhisto himself had done the maneuver. MVS rolls off and lays on the ground and takes in some big breaths: That last move took everything out of him.

 

“BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD! MAH GAWD! MAH GAWD! I’D HAVE NEVER THUNK HE COULD DO IT! IT’S MORE SURPRISING THAN A NECROPHILLIA/MURDER ANGLE ACTUALLY PAYING OFF!”

 

Mental lies on the ground, barely moving at all and much worse off than MVS. He groans in agony as he tries to push himself off the ground, but fails and falls right back on his stomach. He tries again, his arms shaking like jello in an Earthquake, but he does manage to get to his knees. Meanwhile, MVS begins to lift himself off the ground, and raises himself to his feet. He takes Mental and puts hands through the Judge’s armpits, and locks in a Full Nelson. He pulls the unwilling Mental to his feet and begins to push him closer to the flames. Mental struggles and tries to stop moving forward, but MVS pushes the Full Nelson harder, causing Mental to cringe and buckle from the pain of his injured neck. The crowd cheers as he pushes him closer to the flames, and he grimaces under the intense heat. MVS starts saying something, and the camera barely picks it up over the crowd.

 

“Okay old man, just submit! Tell the ref that you forfeit and won’t have to burn your old man ass, okay?”

 

Mental turns his head a little and responds.

 

“You want my title? Then you’d better throw me in those flames.” He manages to say as the fire begins to turn his skin beet red.

 

“Damnit, old man, I don’t want to be in this match as much as you do. Just give up, damnit!”

 

Mental begins to chuckle a little, then laughs before coughing from the being so close to the smokey fire.

 

“Too bad you didn’t want to be in this match............. because I certainly did.”

 

Mike gives a stunned look, and Mental takes that moment to kick his foot right back into Mike’s crotch, causing him to fall down to the ground clutching his tenderized sensitive area. Mental quickly backs off from the fire, covering his now beet red face with his hands trying to ease some of the sunburn-like pain from it. He turns around to look at MVS, who struggles on the ground, and goes to work. He wraps his right leg around MVS’s neck, putting his chin right in his calf. He locks it into place with his other leg, forming a “4” with his legs to complete the leg sleeper!

 

“FIGURE FOUR SLEEPER! FIGURE FOUR SLEEPER!” Yells an excited King as Axis concedes it.

 

“Yes, yes. I think this is it; MVS couldn’t possibly get out of this one.”

 

Never one to admit defeat, MVS tries as hard as he can to get out, trying to pull as hard as he can, but his sweat slicked hands can’t get a good enough grip to full break the hold. The crowd begins to chant MVS in hopes that maybe he can get out, but begins to fade again while trying desperately to get out. Suddenly, instead of trying to pull the legs off him he begins to pull away from the legs. His face begins to scrunch up as he begins to squeeze himself out of the hold, and as Mental tries to adjust the hold on him, he begins to slip out due to the sweat from the heat! Mike’s head pops right out of the sleeper hold, and he falls onto his back in a brief moment of relief.

 

“Wow! He realized that he could squeeze out of the sleeper because he was sweating so much! A disgusting, yet innovative tactic by MVS. And one would think Mental would have considered how much MVS was sweating after he tried that German Suplex.”

 

“Jesus, give the man a break. He’s supposed to keep tabs on how much the guy sweats in a match?”

 

Mental gets up and picks Mike again, but Mike gives him a swift kick to the stomach, causing the Judge to double over. Mike wraps his arm around the Judge’s neck and falls to the mat, slamming the face of the Judge into ground for a DDT! Van Siclen gets back up, picking the Judge up from the mat again. Mike drags the old man back up, and tries to whip him at the ropes, but Mental has enough strength left in him to resist and not move. He gives Mike a strong punch to the face sending Mike stumbling back, but Mike responds with a punch of his own to the jaw of Mental.

 

“It looks like both men are at the point where they’ve just given up on their plans and are just going all out to try and get the other man into the massive flames.”

 

Axis is exactly right, as each man begins to exchange punches, a left from Mental, a left from Mike, a right from Mental, and another left from Mike. Neither man is really making progress, as each man is too damn stubborn to go down, despite the pain, the heat, and the weariness. Mike dodges one of Mental’s punches and nails him with a spinning heel kick that sends him hurtling backwards, but he maintains just enough control not to fly into the burning ropes. Mike begins to run in with a big clothesline until…..

 

 

 

 

 

“SUPERKICK!” Screams an ecstatic King as Mental nails the Superkick right into the jaw of Mike, putting him straight on the ground. Mental stumbles over to him, and then…. Falls over himself! Both men lay on the ground, struggling to get back up.

 

“Goddamn, someone stop this match! I don’t think these men can handle it in there! It’s got to be like Hell itself!” But King stops Axis from saying anything else.

 

“Hey, man, this is for the World Title. If you want to even touch that thing, you’d better be ready to go through hell. That thing isn’t for the meek, it’s for the strongest there is.”

 

“M… V… S….”

 

“M… V… S…”

 

“M… V… S…”

 

The crowd begins to chant Mike’s name, and he begins to struggle against the oven-like heat of the flames as Mental tries to push himself to his knees…

 

“M V S..”

 

“M V S..”

 

“M V S..”

 

Van Siclen begins to rise faster, more under instinct than his own will. He rises to his knees, with Mental not far behind…

 

“MVS!”

 

“MVS!”

 

“MVS!”

 

And Mike is up on his feet, and he begins to go after Mental! The Judge just gets to his feet as he takes a stiff chop to the neck, and another, and another! He begins to push Mental back towards the flames again, the crowd cheering on! He throws another, but Mental catches it, and both lock their hands in a test of strength! Both of the weaken men aren’t moving each other an inch, but the look on their faces tells it all: they contort in pain, twisting and shaking, giving everything they have to try and push the other into the flames. The push…. And push…….. the crowd is nearly silent as……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MVS PULLS MENTAL IN AND KNEES HIM IN THE STOMACH!

 

The crowd roars to life as MVS begins to twist the arms of Mental in for his quickest finisher….

 

“HE’S GOING FOR THE CROSSFACE HALO! MENTAL IS DEAD AFTER THIS ONE!”

 

…. And Mental pulls one of his arms away! He spins around behind Mike with what’s left of his strength, pulling the Mike’s own arm across his neck and locking in a half nelson! He begins to squeeze hard as he chokes what life is left out of the weakened Mike.

 

“HAHAHAHA! YES! YES! COBRA CLUTCH! MAK FRANCIS COULDN’T HAVE JOBBED HIM BETTER THAN THIS!” King yells as Mental begins to back up towards the ropes with the barely conscious MVS in tow….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AND SUPLEXS HIM ONTO THE ROPES! He brings him up in the Cobra Clutch and suplexs him right into the flaming ropes, releasing and rolling away from the flames right after. MVS goes into the flames, his legs catching and bouncing of the top rope, and he flips to the ground heap, tights covered with little flames. Immediately the refs at ringside begin using the fire extinguishers as some of arena safety crew put out the ring. Mental gets up very shakily, and slowly walks out through the charred ropes, snapping one of them off.

 

“The winner of the match at 14:04 and still SJL World Champion….. Judge MENTAL!!”

 

“Testify” hits the speakers as Mental walks over to the timekeeper’s table as some EMTs check him for any severe burns or anything, and hand him some water to prevent any dehydration. Mental takes a long, long sip of it before slowly taking his title and robes and walking away. He walks past Mike, who they are loading onto a stretcher. He looks down at the battered, beaten, and singed warrior for a moment before speaking.

 

“You know why I chose that match? Because I wanted to make sure that the man who beat the one I couldn’t was ready for to hold the title. I wanted to see if you could travel through hell and back to hold it.”

 

Mike doesn’t speak; he’s unconscious, whether Mental realizes it or not. But he continues on like a teacher telling his apprentice what he did wrong.

 

“Goddamn, you just don’t have what it takes to hold on to this thing. You had the goddamn chance to throw me into those flames, and you missed it. You need to be strong enough to do that without hesitation. Sad, really.”

 

Mental gives a sly grin, and his face actually seems to become softer.

 

“And I didn’t really think about hitting you down low until you started talking. You would have beaten me fair and square.”

 

With that, the Judge walks off as Katelyn finally pushes through the crowd of refs and reaches Mike.

 

“Don’t worry, Ms.” One of the attending EMTs says. “We think he’ll be okay. A couple minor burns, and some dehydration, but he’ll be good as new in a day or so.”

 

The camera comes back on Axis and King, with King with a huge grin on his face.

 

“Yes yes yes…. He beat Mike Van Sucklen’s little ass! WHOO!” He cheers as Axis speaks.

 

“Well, the Judge and MVS certainly earned their pay tonight. That was one fantastic match they went through. One wonders what will happen between them at Wrath. Anyways this is Axis, for Suicide King and the rest of the SJL staff, saying Goodnight!”

 

Fade to Commercial…..

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

EUROPEAN TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP TRIPLE THREAT

Jack the Ripper vs. Ejiro Fasaki vs. Johnny Dangerous

 

Ejiro comes out on top!

 

SINGLES MATCH

Christian Fury vs. Logan

 

Don't no-show when GOdrea is in chat...

 

EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH

Pub Crawl Match

Tim Dillon vs. Wildchild

 

Tim Dillon retains the title after some well-timed Ejiro interference

 

WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP SINGLES MATCH

Matt Myers vs. Kamikaze

 

Myers w00t w00t!

 

MAIN EVENT

World Title Inferno Match!!!!!

Judge Mental vs. Mike Van Siclen

 

Can anybody beat the Judge guy?

 

Just a note: as soon as King posts the result of his contendership match, I should be able to get a card up.