Funniest promos

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

"Billy talks to God" is one..

 

let me paste one that was mentioned on another site for this topic..

 

"Re: funny promos- ten years ago I did some small time promoting, and we had a tremendous in-ring talent but was spectacularly bad behind the stick.

 

He eventually went to the big time, and you all know his name. I won't mention it here. (Scott Taylor)

 

We did an angle where the heels "injured" this wrestler (Scott Taylor) to excuse a taping he couldn't attend (that meant he'd be out three weeks).

 

The heel manager I had did a promo with his tag team behind him saying he'd never wrestle again. He then opened the Boston Globe in a mock attempt to find him a new profession.

 

After a couple of reads, he went for the throat. "Manny's Car Wash. Flexible hours, no English required. Since I've seen your interviews I KNOW YOU'RE MORE THAN QUALIFIED FOR THIS JOB".

 

What sealed it was that everyone on the set- both wrestlers and the announcer- couldn't control their laughter, even with the cameras rolling."

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

The Hogan promo at Wrestlemania 6 was pretty damn funny.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I think he meant intentionally funny.

 

Anyways, I about died laughing during Rock's most recent stint when he'd just tell people "Shut up, bitch!"

 

But for funniest EVER, Rock's making fun of Kane, Benoit, and Angle was GREAT.

 

"Kane comes out here and says 'I am the big red MONSTER!' Chris Benoit says 'PROVE ME WRONG!' And now you have Kurt Angle, who says... 'drinking milk has calcium and is good for your bones!'"

 

Even my friend, the biggest Kurt Angle mark I've personally ever known (in real life) found it hilarious and it became a running gag at Academic Team tournaments as we'd modify the promo for whoever we wanted to make fun of.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Ravenbomb]

four words, Bookdust Reviewing Scorpion King

[Guest bob_barron]

Rock to Triple H: I'm the undispiuted champion so SHUT UP BITCH!!

 

Another Rock promo I found really funny-

 

your dream Kane, of finding things - your dream, Benoit, of proving things can come true, and this is how you do it: Benoit, when you're by yourself with Kane, pull your pants down...go ahead Benoit, pull your pants down, and prove to Kane that you're not a woman...and Kane, since you just wanna find things...you go ahead and find the penis Benoit claims he has!"

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

1) Rock mocking Angle, Taker, Rikishi, HHH, and Austin before Armageddon 2000. Just how he mocked each one differently, and he even through in the "uh" after every word for HHH.

 

2) Crocdust, need I say more?

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

- The Rock's "Admit it Lillian, when you stand next to the Rock you get wet..................with persperation!"

 

- Eddy's promo on Benoit from the Toronto Smackdown a couple weeks ago. The entire thing, top to bottom, a thing of beauty.

 

- Anything and everything Austin during his heel run with the Alliance.

 

- Hero vs Jackass

[Guest TheHulkster]

Kurt Angle "interviews" the Rock before No Mercy 2000 during the whole "who ran over Steve Austin?" storyline with Kurt Angle using snippets of an interview someone else had with heel Rocky for responses (it's probably on Kazaa, check it out, it's hilarious).

 

Kurt Angle Preaches about safe sex and abstinence to local college students.

 

Stone Cold giving out cowboy hats as gifts to Vince and Kurt Angle (Yippee Ka Yay!)

 

Needless to say, Angle has had some hilarious promos over the past few years.

[Guest bob_barron]

I did it for the Rock. I did it for the people. Awww shut your mouth you thong wearing fatty!

[Guest papacita]

I liked the Eddie/Rock segment from one of the Raws from a couple of months back. The one where Eddie went off about his kids having a Rock poster on the wall...well, it was funny right up until Rock started mocking him.

 

Also, the Guerrerros/Benoit backstage segment from Smackdown a couple of weeks ago (Eddie: "Why you looking at me like that?! You think I'm the one that attacked you?") and the Angle/Benoit segment from later that night (Angle: "You're looking at my gold medals! You're jealous!" I laughed my ass off when he said that).

 

Crocdust, DX's Nation parody, Steve Austin's Monday Nyquil skit in ECW, Rock's God promo on Billy Gunn, and just about any promo where he mocked the Big Show.

[Guest bob_barron]

The Eddy-Rock segment was great. I was just laughing my ass off the whole time.

 

Goldust and Booker at the movies was classic as was Booker singing HBK's theme music

[Guest treble charged]

Austin had this funny moment (at least I thought so) on last Christmas Eve's Raw. He went into Flair's X-Mas party, and started telling Tajiri what he wanted. Tajiri said, 'What?', Austin said, 'What?', and that went on for a few seconds, before Austin smiled and said, "He's a smart man, 'What' means, 'he understands everything that I'm saying' in Japanese."

 

I miss Austin.

[Guest The Electrifyer]

That Kurt Angle promo with clips of The Rock from previous interviews was hilarious, as was already mentioned. I can't believe no one has said any of Jericho's stuff yet. His Cruiserweight Battle Royal Intro, Man of 1000 Holds Promo were golden. And also, almost anytime the Rock got a mic, besides his last run, he made me laugh.

[Guest saturnmark4life]

'Be careful now, they tend to suck'

[Guest BAR]

Too many too name...

Austin's allince stuff was gold. New Jack's Big Ass Extreme Bash promo is probably my favourite. I ain't gonna quote any of it because there's so much great stuff, I'd feel ashamed about leaving something out.

[Guest papacita]

Austin's convo with Tajiri before KOTR 01 where he's complaining about the Triple Threat match w/ Benoit and Jericho. Tajiri says something in Japanese and Austin's like "You're a very wise man". Also, on Hardcore TV back in 99, New Jack cut a promo on Mustafa, who had just turned on him for the Dudleyz, and you can tell he's high as shit. He's just rambling on for a good five minutes, and just when you think the promo is over, he comes outta nowhere with "Kiss your ugly ass wife..." I missed what he said after that, because I was literally on the floor laughing at that.

[Guest tetsubeav]

Kurt Angle Preaches about safe sex and abstinence to local college students.

What was that thing he said?

 

"You can sing you can dance, but when it comes to relations, keep it in your pants." - or something along those lines.

[Guest BorneAgain]

Cactus Jack. Mikey Whipwreck. Doritos. Nuff said.

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

Rock: You ready to go?

HHH: Yeah!

Rock: Are you really ready to go?

HHH: Yeah!!!

Rock: Well go to the back and make The Rock a cheese sammich!

 

The Lumberjack skit w/ BookerDust.

 

At the movies w/ BookerDust

Goldust: Mmmm . . . that sounds Delicious

Booker T: (horrified look on his face) . . . You damn right that sounds delicious!

 

Now can you dig THAT . . . (an hour later to Jericho) . . . SUCKA!!!

 

Cactus Jack: Sting was mad at me once . . .

Mikey Whipwreck: He knocked your teeth out.

Jack: Vader got mad at me once . . .

Mikey: He ripped your ear off.

Jack: Now The Public Enemy are mad at us. You know what that means?

Mikey: (Half-weeping) I'm gonna die.

Jack: He likes it! Mikey really likes it!!!

 

Any of The Austin/Angle stuff from The WWF Action Video.

 

Jericho reading off his 1,004 moves. "I'm getting blown up here."

 

Not really a promo, but I laughed my ass off at Souled Out 1998 when Jericho warned the crowd not to boo him, proceeded to destroy Ron Mysterio's knee, and then immediately after the beating was over, Jericho apologized! Great stuff!

[Guest JHawk]

Nobody's mentioned old school Roddy Piper yet?

 

From SNME after his match with Bob Orton: "What's the matter, Acey, did you lose? Oh, I'm sorry. It was my fault." Something about the delivery made that one.

 

My all-time favorite though was from ECW the night Tajiri turned heel. Taz and Steve Corino were babbling back and forth, when Taz got bleeped. Corino said, "Oh, that's great Taz. Just go ahead and swear!" Taz said "Fine" and proceeded to get about a minute long bleep. Funny stuff.

[Guest GeneMean]

Chris Jericho explaining how Konnan "cheated" to rob him of the WCW TV belt.

 

Before King of the Ring Team ECK and I believe Rhyno are all in the ring arguing on who will win KotR and Angle gets all grade school on them and busts out the "See this finger, see this thumb, see this fist you better run."

 

Austin's justifying pre RR drinking by saying it was to give him a lower center of gravity.

 

Scott Steiner interviewing Mark (Buff) McGwire. "Mark" explains that Androstene is the reason he broke the home run record. Steiner asks him how many home runs he would've hit had he not taken andro. "Oh 'bout five."

[Guest papacita]

"You can sing you can dance, but when it comes to relations, keep it in your pants."

 

I think he said "use your hand" or "keep it in your hand" or something like that.

[Guest Mulatto Heat]

Booker singing HBK's theme music

I missed most of that promo as I was laughing so hard from the parts I did catch.

 

This gets my vote.

[Guest treble charged]

Scott Steiner interviewing Mark (Buff) McGwire. "Mark" explains that Androstene is the reason he broke the home run record. Steiner asks him how many home runs he would've hit had he not taken andro. "Oh 'bout five."

It would have been funnier if Buff and Steiner didn't, you know, suck at promos. I remember that it took the two of them a long time to get to the punchline, on that one.

[Guest Michael Joel Benoit]

Basically everything mentioned already is funny. One that is funny is when Rock did a shoot on Triple H on RAW back in February 2000.

 

"I am the game-uh. I will talk for 20 minutes-uh, and not say anything at all-uh."

 

It's funny cuz it is so true today!

[Guest Special K]

"Dean Malenko, you're nothing but a loser, just like your POOR, DEAD DADDY!"

 

"My music don't have to say I'm sexy! Everyone knows I'm sexy!

I'm just a Booker T (booker t) I'm not your Sucka! (sucka)"

 

'Sodas RULE!' Was great in its simplicity.

 

'DDP! When you're on your back screaming in pain! Your wife! Will be on her back..... Screamin' my Name!'-BPP after he whooped DDP's ass.

 

"Well the Rock would be the judge jury and executioner if it were up to him, and 9 times out of 10 it'd be a Hung jury.... If you smell what I'm cookin.' " -First time Rock ever said smell what I'm cookin'

 

"You know, this isn't too bad! How long have they been making this?" Angle after his first taste of beer.

 

"Hey little lady. You makin' eyes at the Rock?" Woman- Eeeek! Eeeek!

"W-w-well the Rock says you're a big fat piece of trash now get the steppin'!" Rock during the halftime empty arena match.

[Guest dreamer420]

My fav of all time was the entire segment with Austin and The Rock before Survivor Series 2001. The sing-a-long was brilliant and all the comments made in between were hilarious.

[Guest Jonathan Barber]

ECW HeatWave '98:

 

Gertner: "Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Well, well, well...Dayton, Ohio...amazing where people can live these days. It is I - the man you're mother warned you about, the man that makes your panties moist, the only man that matters, hotter than a heatwave and harder than Chinese algebra, the quintessential stud muffin...Joel "I always leave them sore, yet they keep coming back for more" Gertner. [this guy is friggin' hilarious!] Also in the ring at this time, he is a referee with integrity, and a referee with hair [directed towards Jim Molineaux], Jeff Jones! [boos] Accompanying him to ringside, the trashiest prostitute to ever enter professional wrestling, our valet and love slave, Beulah McGillislutty!" [Jones shows off ugly doll of Beulah] [Joey: "That damn doll is the only way Joel's gonna' get laid in this lifetime!"] [to Sign Guy] And at my right, my colleague, you saw him suffer on ECW television a torn ACL, a damaged patella tendon, a ruptured rectum... [sign Guy: "WHAT?! You idiot!"] [Joey: "I bet Joel calls that injury himself."] I mean a deviated septum and a kidney stone nonetheless; he stands before you as the quiet behind the riot and the innovator of silence, Sign Guy Dudley!" [sign Guy shows off to crowd, but receives boos.]

And at this time, here they are the transcoastal, transcontinental, and intergalactic six-man tag team champions of the wrestling world - first, from the Twisted Steel section of Dudleyville - 368 lb. pounds, 26 and 1/2 inches of arms attached to the man who can rip the Guiness Book in half with his bare hands and beat the snot out of Ripley, believe it or not - pro wrestling's only real mastadon, Big Dick Dudley! [big Dick: "Ahhh!!! Ahhh!!!"] [Joey: "...Talk about a criminal!"] Representin' the south side of Dudleyville weighing in at a slim, trim, buff, cut, ripped...[fans finish line, so D-Von flips them off]...no I didn't say Stud Muffin says - weight unknown, he is D-Von Dudley! ["Fuck You, D-Von!" chant begins] And his half-brother and tag team partner hails from Metropolitan Dudleyville - He weighs in at a rough, ready, riled up, roudy, and rambunctious 350 lb. - He is the man that helped drive Beulah's head into the canvas with such impact that she didn't know whether to urinate, defacate, or ejaculate - Buh Buh Ray Dudley! [Joey: "Somebody, cut his mic!"] Now that we've helped prove that Beulah is not the girl for Tommy - indeed, she's the girl for just about everybody else- Dreamer, come face your nightmare!"

 

http://www.geocities.com/joycebarber2001/e.../ecwhw98vid.htm

 

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Konnan (XPW Halloween in Hell II): "'Ay! [speaks some Spanish] Ola' lay'! [fans repeat] Ariba la raza! [spanish for "Long live the hood." Fans repeat] Now, let me get this right - you can't even get my music right? This promotion sucks! Rob Black, let me get this right - you can't get laid, so you buy your own porno company and get laid. You hire six jay brooms [hey, that's what it sounded like...] to wipe your ass and f*ck your wife? Then, the only way you'll hire Latinos is because KJLA makes you do so. Well, I got something for you - [speaks some Spanish]!

"Now, why don't you come out here with your army? If you click your heels twice for every talent [inaudible], maybe you'll get some talent [inaudible] come [inaudible words] I cannot believe that you got this Johnny Webb as the heavyweight champion, but that shouldn't be surprising because look at how [inaudible word; may have been, "he," but I really don't know] does your wife. Now, I'm gonna' give you about ten seconds or we're gonna' go in the back and we're gonna' do sh*t [unbleeped] to you that makes the living in [i think he said "the living in"; he definitely said, "living," so I'm just assuming that he said, "the living in"; it was very hard to hear.] 'The Excorcist' look like Southpark."

 

http://www.geocities.com/joycebarber2001/xpwhih2.htm

[Guest Nevermortal]

All of Rock's comments during the Halftime Heat Empty Arena match were fucking hillarious. Especially when he tossed Mankind through some plates and said "Stop Making a Mess!"

[Guest GeneMean]

All of Rock's comments during the Halftime Heat Empty Arena match were fucking hillarious. Especially when he tossed Mankind through some plates and said "Stop Making a Mess!"

 

My favorite part of that entire match was when he channels Eddie Murphy Delirious and he's all, "Here Mick have some lemonade.. *smack* ..that cool refreshing drink."