The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 16

[Guest TSMAdmin]

NWA:TNA Week 16 Review

 

 

It’s that time of the week again for NWA:TNA and after last week’s disappointing show, I hope they do something, ANYTHING to improve on last week. The card doesn’t read too well on paper, but sometimes people can surprise you so I’m going to try and keep an optimistic mind about things.

 

Before we get started, however, I want to wish a Happy 22nd Birthday to Ines Montes, a girl who in the past two years I’ve grown to love and adore.

 

With that being said, it’s time to review this weeks show!

 

The usual opening leads us to the usual building (The Nashville Fairgrounds) as the usual announcers welcome us. Funny sign in the crowd: “Glacier = Ratings!” Tenay runs down tonight’s card and segue’s into a video package recapping the Jorge Estrada/Sonny Siaki rivalry. At the end of the package, TNA debut’s their new match up GRAPHICS~!, the same ones that WWE uses with their wrestlers moving for a few seconds. Oohh, it’s the same dancing girl from last week, I’m happy! We then go to a recap of the horrible Hermie Sadler/Bruce/Jeff Jarrett/BG James segment from last week to set up this week’s match. ANOTHER recap of the number one contender’s tag team match from last week where Rick and Chris Michaels won the right to face the tag champs tonight. Another cool graphic shows us the AJ Styles/Syxx-Pac match for tonight. Tenay actually calls ‘Pac the “Pioneer of the X Division”. I can see where they are going with that, but the fact is, no one buys it.

 

Before we go to the ring, we get an interview between Goldilocks and Jorge Estrada. TNA should have invested some more money in production assistants because their interview is inaudible for about 20 seconds. We obviouslydon’t miss much because when the sound finally does come back on, Estrada is just doing Elvis impersonations. He brings out a new valet, Priscilla and announces that after tonight’s show, he’ll be looking for a new Flying Elvis to replace Siaki and fill in for Yang while he’s in Japan. He doesn’t want someone with “wrestling skills”, but with “shake, rattle and roll” skills. Well, that spells success! Syxx-Pac walks out of a room during the interview and calmly sneaks out of the camera’s view. Brian Lawler interrupts the interview looking for his girlfriend April. As the interview ends, the door behind them opens and April is in the room...she was with ‘Pac apparently. Estrada’s interview was QUITE poor and it seemed to only advance an upcoming Syxx-Pac Lawler feud. I don’t think he even mentioned Siaki ONCE tonight.

 

We go to the ring for the first match:

 

David Young vs. Brian Lawler.

 

Match Background: There is no real history between Brian Lawler and David Young.

 

The Match: Lawler walks down the ramp still looking for April, but she staggers out finally to join him. Lawler scolds her, even dropping an F Bomb on her. He yells at a fan and spits his gum right at him. Another fan with an anti-Lawler sign gets the sign ripped up! Can it be? Has Lawler finally developed some good heelish mannerisms? On the apron, Lawler gives the crowd a double bird in a beautiful display of heelness. Some punches and elbows by Lawler to start. A few armdrags, a dropkick and a clothesline by Young sends Lawler over the top. He ends up “falling” into April’s crotch. As the crowd taunts him, Lawler trips and falls trying to get into the ring. “What the fuck!” says Lawler. He is the KING of the F Bombs! As he argues with the ref, Young gets a roll up for two, some more offense as well before getting a superkick by Lawler. Drops a THIRD F Bomb while the camera has a close up on him before going back to work on Young. He gets his full nelson forward leg sweep maneuver in and once again goes to taunt the crowd. Lawler walks up to the official, grabs his head, shoves him into the corner and starts yelling at him in what would result in an automatic DQ in ANY match, but for some reason, the ref lets it slide. For some reason, the ref takes his eyes off of the ring, either talking to himself or yelling at some kid at ringside. During this “distraction”, Lawler gives Young a low blow. Young comes back with 3 rolling DDT’s for a two count! Young goes for a moonsault and misses it for the second week in a row. Maybe he should rethink that strategy. Lawler goes up top for the Hip Hop Drop, but that misses as well. Young goes for the moonsault....AGAIN but is “distracted” by April waving hello at him. Lawler goes up top behind Young and gives him a reverse DDT off the second rope for the pin. Very dumb finish.

 

My Opinion: My main problem with Brian Lawler is that he doesn’t know what direction to go in. He “shows ass” too much and his mannerisms are too comedic to be taken as a serious heel in every match. David Young doesn’t seem to learn from his mistakes and is basically just a TNA jobber. He hasn’t won ONE match in TNA yet. The finish was quite stupid as Young was distracted WAY too long by just a wave. ½*.

 

This week’s other dancing girl jiggles her ass funny. I just felt the need to share.

 

Another recap airs, reviewing the Jerry Lynn/Sonny Siaki situation. Some careful editing in the recap of last week’s injury angle to protect the fact that it’s a work. I’m fast forwarding way too much.

 

Lynn limps out for an in ring promo, selling last weeks injury. He calls out Siaki for a match next week. “I’ve bought and sold punk ass bitches like you for the last 14 years”. The only time Lynn sounds good on the mic is when he talks about his experience, everything else sounds like he’s trying way too hard to be a threat. Siaki interrupts to retort his comments, accepting his challenge for next week. He gets in a good line saying that he won’t be a “midcarder for 15 years”, unlike Lynn. Siaki charges the ring, going after Lynn’s knee before some wrestlers and security come out to pull them apart. Why is Ace Steel trying to help keep them separated? He’s the only heel in the ring besides Siaki. They can’t keep them apart until Don Harris pushes Siaki up the entrance ramp.

 

We go to a pre-taped interview with Mike Tenay and “Syxx-Pac”, calling him Sean Waltman in a “shoot” interview. Tenay brings up his stint in the Global Wrestling Federation as the Lightning Kid and a feud with Jerry Lynn feud from years prior. He claims that ‘Pac was X Division before there was an X Division....well, of course, the X Division has been around for only a few months, so you can say that about every cruiserweight! The X Division is the cream of the crop, according to ‘Pac. If that’s not a shot at the heavyweight division, I don’t know what is. Tenay brings up the impact he’s had as part of various factions such as DX and the nWo in his career. Can he still make an impact, here in TNA. Positive or negative impact, asks Pac. He’s in NWA because it’s about professional wrestling, not sports entertainment. He says he’s not a “sports entertainer”. You could have fooled me when you were pissing in Jeff Jarrett’s boots and teaching Kane how to “talk”. If it wasn’t for the fact that his ass got canned by WWE, he’d still be there. He puts over Low-Ki and AJ Styles. He’s not proud of how he won the X title last week , “I didn’t really win it”. At least they admit it. ‘Pac wants to demonstrate that he’s still got it against one of the very best, AJ Styles. The interview really ended on a high note.

 

Sonny Siaki vs. Jorge Estrada (w/Priscilla):

 

Match Background: This is the blowoff match of a split that has been brewing for months. Sonny Siaki was a member of the Flying Elvises team for weeks before wanting to break out on his own, taking every opportunity to steal the spotlight. In a X title match between Low-Ki and all 3 Elvises, Siaki caused Estrada to be eliminated. After he officially split from the group, he still cost the Elvises a match with the SAT’s. Estrada finally called him out on Week 13 and Siaki responded by burning the Elvis jump suit.

 

The Match: Estrada rushes to the ring and immediately gets a head scissors takeover on Siaki. Springboard legdrop for two. A close up reveals that “Priscilla” looks like Jennifer Coolidge aka Stifler’s Mom of American Pie fame. Estrada with a BEAUTIFUL Arabian Press for two. West says this a minute into the match: “Estrada came with his A Game tonight”. It’s because he hasn’t blown a spot yet. Siaki belly to belly’s Estrada over the top and to the floor. Siaki with his pumphandle exploder suplex on the outside, which he hasn’t done in a few weeks. Glad to see that move again. Back in the ring now, Siaki misses a somersault legdrop now called “The Flip Mode” (which he would have missed anyway), but gets the Samoan Pop for two. Estrada comes back with a Tornado DDT for two. Nice dropkick from Estrada, followed by a hurancanrana. Trip to Graceland only gets a two count. Estrada off the ropes, but Siaki NAILS him with a clothesline for two. Estrada gets a sit down Rock Bottom for two and Siaki rolls out of the ring. Estrada jumps off the top, aiming at Siaki, but he moves out of the way, leaving Estrada to crash and burn. Back in the ring, Siaki hits the Money Clip, now called the Saikalypse for the pin.

 

My Opinion: Well, well, well. Estrada didn’t blow any spots whatsoever. There wasn’t much doubt in my mind that Siaki would win, as he needs momentum going into his feud with Jerry Lynn. Estrada is more of a tag specialist anyway, so a loss won’t really hurt him too much. The match was really spotty and it was devoid of psychology, but it was still better than anything else on the show so far. *1/2

 

Jerry Lynn hobbles out and he and Siaki have ANOTHER pullapart brawl, ending in the exact same way, with Don Harris pushing Siaki up the ramp.

 

Derek Wylde vs. Ace Steel w/Mortimer Plumtree:

 

Match Background: This is Wylde’s first match in TNA. Steel is the shmuck who stunk up the joint last week in the 4-way X division match.

 

The Match: Steel and Wylde were side by side just MINUTES ago trying to separate Siaki and Lynn, so this is just horrible continuity. According to Tenay, Ace Steel is a 10 year pro who was trained by Harley Race. Well, now I know who NOT to recommend. Drop toe hold takedown by Steel. Headscissors by Wylde, followed by two Japanese armdrags. Wylde on the apron now, with a head scissors takeover to the outside but WHAT A SURPRISE, Steel blows the spot. Steel blows a SECOND head scissors in a row. It seems like he’s apprehensive about bumping. Steel catches Wylde in a mid-arm cross body attempt and places him in the corner. Nice dropkick by Steel. He places him on the top now and hits him with a PATHETIC forearm. Wylde on the top now and he gets superplexed down, but seeing how Steel SUCKS, he overrotates on the Superplex and almost caves his own head in. He gives Wylde three consecutive HHH-like face busters and then goes for his finisher. Now....GET THIS: HE BLOWS HIS OWN FINISHER. It’s a cradled hangmans neckbreaker that he calls The Twist of Kane and he needed Wylde’s help to get into position.

 

My Opinion: Poor Derek Wylde. First time on a national television program and he’s stuck with the worst worker in TNA. Yes, I believe that ACE STEEL is worse than Ron Harris. Thinking back now, Steel tried to perform the Twist of Kane on Low-Ki last week in the 4-man match. If it took him at least 5 to 10 seconds AND his opponents help to get the move off this week, how could he have expected to get it off with two other guys in the ring? This rating is solely for Derek Wylde’s work as he really tried. 1/4*

 

They need to stop focusing on the chick who can’t dance. Show the other girl!

 

Bruce and Jeff Jarrett vs. Hermie Sadler and BG James:

 

Match Background: Last week, while Hermie Sadler was hyping the fact that he would be driving the TNA car in a race that took place this past week, both Bruce and Jeff Jarrett took exception to him being in the building. They attacked Sadler and BG James made the save as he was looking for a piece of Jarrett.

 

The Match: JJ gets a special light treatment as he comes out. It’s a cool, yet inexpensive way to make an entrance. Of course, the son of the promoter gets it. BG James and Sadler come to the ring together. BG has replaced “Welcome to the Dogghouse” with “Welcome to the babyboy’s playpen” and straight up calls Bruce a Homo. JJ makes lame joke about Hermie Salder being in a new movie: The Last & the Furious. Oh, JUST WRESTLE! JJ and BG start it off as they exchange punches for a few. Dropkick to the back of the head by BG? I’ve never seen that out of the Dogg. JJ tags in Bruce who immediately starts humping the mat in BG’s general direction. He makes some more suggestive motions about driving a car....just imagine it. BG tags in Sadler and I wonder how bad it’ll be because I never saw Salder vs. The Truth. Salder gets taken down a few times by Bruce and gets slapped in the head. Sadler bumps horribly off an armdrag. Sadler gets a hiptoss that was ALL Bruce. Sadler actually blows a headlock! How the hell do you do that?! BG gets tagged in and looks to stomp Bruce in the kibbles and bits, but stops after he takes a LONG look....and can’t find any. Oh, that supposed to be funny. I’ll laugh next time, I promise. BG goes for his pumphandle slam (complete with doggy style humping), but Bruce LIKES it, so BG lets go and runs away. Hardy Har Har. West: “That’s the last thing you wanna do to Miss TNA!”. The heels finally take over and cut the ring in half...preventing BG from making tag the hot tag to Hermie. Yes, you read that correctly. They are building up to a hot tag to a non-wrestling race car driver. Hermie just runs in eventually, without a tag and suplexes Bruce. Oh, that was ALL Bruce too. Hermie BLOWS A CLOTHESLINE! He back body drops Bruce for two. At the top of the ramp, JJ and BG are brawling and Brian Lawler hits BG on the head with a trash can. Back in the ring, Bruce goes for a sunset flip, but can’t muscle over HERMIE SADLER and instead starts humping him from that position! Jesus, this is bad. Hermie grabs Bruce’s legs and sits down for the pin.

 

My Opinion: If it weren’t for the fact that Jarrett and BG did SOME basic wrestling and they stuck to a tag formula for the most part, this would have gotten a negative rating. Sadly, Bruce as a worker was basically wrestling himself AND making this match unbearable with his shenanigans. Whoa, I just used the word shenanigans. Anyway, Hermie, nice knowing you, hope I never see you again in the ring. Bruce, QUIT this gimmick. DUD

 

After the match, Jarrett argues with Bruce who is too busy putting on his tiara to care. Bruce gives him a hug to apologize but Jarrett gives him The Stroke and walks out.

 

Norman Smiley vs. Ron Harris:

 

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: What is with all of the BUTT humping wrestlers? First there’s Bruce, BG James and his Humphandle slam and now the Big Wiggle. At least Ron Harris isn’t looking for a tag partner this week. West recalls that we haven’t seen Norman Smiley since The Truth choked him out and his “wife” came out to save him in Week Five. At least West remembers old angles. Some armdrags by Smiley and some dancing to taunt Harris. Neck vice by Smiley and he transitions into a armwringer. Smiley gets a dropkick to the knee and attempts the Big Wiggle, but Harris VICIOUSLY elbows Smiley off of him. He ain’t havin’ the man lovin! Big boot by Harris. Harris tosses Smiley out....walks around the ring...and throws him back in. What was the purpose of that? Smiley comes back with some weak kicks and clotheslines, but Harris uses the POWER OF SUCKTITUDE~! to no-sell it. He’s finally able to knock him down and gives him the Big Wiggle. Big boot by Harris again, follows up with a sideslam for two. Cobra clutch drop gets the victory for Ron Harris. Harris goes for a post-match beatdown....but Smiley can’t take it NO MO’ and actually gets a post-match beatdown on Ron Harris, complete with banshee screams! Don Harris comes out to pull Smiley off and the twin brothers argue again.

 

My Opinion: Typical Harris match, meaning it was pretty bad. Smiley mixed in some wrestling with his comic relief so I’ll give it: ½*

 

It’s the SAME DANCING GIRL AGAIN. Did they send the other girl home???

 

James Storm and Chris Harris vs. Chris and Rick Michaels for the NWA Tag Team Titles.

 

Match Background: Chris and Rick Michaels earned this shot at the tag titles in a number one contenders match last week against Ron Harris and Sonny Siaki, despite never teaming in NWA:TNA. Yes, their tag division is really that bad.

 

The Match: Rick Michaels keeps mouthing something about being 5 time tag champ for some reason on the way down the ramp. “Buckaroo” chant by the crowd. James Storm and Rick Michaels have a stare down in the middle of the ring. I’ve been told by Jingus, a mod at our board, that these two had a long rivalry in the southern independents. Rick and Storm counter each other’s go-behind maneuvers until Rick goes through the ropes and lands on the floor. Didn’t look too good. Chris Michaels in the ring now and he gets elevated over the top onto Rick on the outside. Chris Harris tags in and helps catapult James Storm over the top onto the Michaels’. Storm really hit hard on the outside. Harris with a pescado on the Michaels’ as well, which we get a replay of. Storm and Chris Michaels irish whip each other against the ropes, but Rick pulls Storm underneath the bottom rope and throws him into the guardrail with GUSTO. Doubleteam stomp to the head by the Michaels’ for two. Nice crossbody gets a two for Storm. NICE leg lariat by Chris Michaels gets a two as well. Rick in now and he goes for a Rydien bomb but its countered into a headscissors takeover by Storm. Storm goes for the hot tag but is stopped by Chris Michaels. Enziguiri by Storm leads to the hot tag to Chris Harris. He takes down both Michaels’ with flying clotheslines and bulldogs Rick Michaels. NICE top rope crossbody block for a two count. Both Chris’ in the match go tumbling to the outside and Storm gets a reverse Tornado DDT on Rick but the ref isn’t in position. The ref turns around.....SEES the pinfall taking place, but turns his attention back to Chris Harris on the outside. Bad ref! Chris Michaels comes off the top onto Storm with a legdrop and puts Rick Michaels on top for a CLOSE two count. Rick goes for the Double Shot on Harris (facebuster into neckbreaker combo) but gets superkicked in the ribs by Storm for two. Storm goes to the top but gets knocked down to the outside. Double Shot on Harris leads right into a Top Rope Elbowdrop by Chris Michaels for another CLOSE two count! Storm takes Rick Michaels to the outside and in the ring, Chris Harris gets the Catatonic for the win!

 

My Opinion: Rick and Chris really showed me something this week. Storm and Harris are starting to gel as a team too. The match started pretty slow but it had some nice near fall sequences at the end. The ref’s positioning really killed one of the nearfalls though. **

 

The HotShots run in after the match and it becomes a 4 on 2 beatdown on the Tag Champs with Rick and Chris Michaels participating.

 

Syxx-Pac vs. AJ Styles for the X Division Title:

 

Match Background: Last week, while ‘Pac was trying to apologize to Low-Ki in the back for some comments that he made, AJ Styles interrupted him and insulted his experience. Syxx-Pac took the opportunity later on in the night to cost AJ Styles the X title in an open challenge ladder match and won the title, despite not being in the match.

 

The Match: AJ Styles comes out with Mortimer Plumtree!! Well, Plumtree is 1 for 2 on good talent. AHA! As Styles walks around the ring, you can see that the other girl isn’t in the booth! Where are you, my love! Tenay talks about ‘Pac’s influence in the US wrestling scene, stating that he paved the way for guys like Brian Pillman, Jushin “Thunder” Lyger, Rey Misterio, Ultimo Dragon and the X Division competitors of today. I think he’s giving ‘Pac WAY too much credit. Tenay and West speculate that Plumtree probably gave Styles a six figure signing bonus to sign with him, which no one should buy seeing as how TNA is BROKE. Styles refuses to shake ‘Pac’s hand, so he gets a crotch chop. Styles with an armdrag and a cocky crotch chop of his own. Damn, say that three times fast. ‘Pac goes for an armwringer but Styles counters with another armdrag. ‘Pac takes AJ down, floats over and smacks him in the head in a taunting manner. AJ gets a headscissors and goes to taunt the crowd. ‘Pac’s corner kicks lead to the Bronco Buster, but Plumtree pulls AJ out of the ring. There’s been way too much stalling in this match. Back in the ring now, ‘Pac gets a few chops in. AJ drops down and crotches ‘Pac on the ring post. Styles distracts the ref as Plumtree chokes ‘Pac with the ropes screaming “I’m taking the title home!”. “AJ Sucks” chant by the crowd as he taunts the crowd some more. Styles throws ‘Pac to the floor and Plumtree gets some cheap shots in. GORGEOUS Somersault Tope Con Hilo by AJ! Quite possibly the best I’ve ever seen! THAT should go on Styles’ highlight reel. Back in the ring, Styles gets a legdrop to the back of the head. AJ off the top with the Spiral Tap, but misses! Syxx-Pac starts hulking up....Spinning Heel Kick and Styles is folded completely inside out! He does it again! No one has made ‘Pac’s offense look this good in YEARS. ‘Pac goes off the top but Styles nails him in the gut with a dropkick. Styles goes for a Bronco Buster of his own but gets elevated over the top rope, to the floor, instead. ‘Pac with a TOP ROPE HIGHSPOT (Somersault Plancha to the floor)! Northern lights suplex with bridge by ‘Pac for two. Both men blow a spot and then Styles goes for a discus clothesline, but the ref gets bumped. Super X-Factor by ‘Pac but the ref is down. Plumtree interferes, but the ref stops Syxx-Pac before he can punch him. AJ back up, but gets a Bronco Buster. Instead of jumping up and down on his chest like he usually does, ‘Pac just starts rearing back and punches Styles in the head several times before the ref tries to stop him. ‘Pac shoves the ref away, causing the DQ. ‘Pac nails the ref after the match. ‘Pac goes after Plumtree but security holds him back. Plumtree gets into an argument with Bill Behrens while going up the ramp.

 

My Opinion: Really dumb finish. Brian Lawler wasn’t disqualified for doing a lot more to the same ref earlier in the night. This was the slowest X-Division match since TNA started. It had WAY too much stalling. This match’s purpose seemed to be to demonstrate to the home audience that Syxx-Pac was BACK, but sadly....he’s not. AJ Styles still hasn’t lost a one on one match in TNA, so he’s still protected. I really like the Mortimer Plumtree character as well. *3/4.

 

West has only 3 heart attacks while pimping next week’s show. Siaki vs. Lynn is the only match signed so far.

 

Tenay interview with Hennig. Tenay brings up all of his former organizations and titles. Hennig feels that if he was a champion in every other organization, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be a champion in TNA.

 

The Truth vs. Curt Hennig:

 

Match Background: The Truth was pinned last week by Curt Hennig in a 6-man tag, hence the title shot this week. This will be Truth’s most established opponent to date.

 

The Match: Truth cuts an INTENSE~! promo, throwing in the Jamaican insult: “Bumbaclot”, in there. He’s ANGRY~! that he has to give a title shot to Hennig instead of a minority wrestler. Yeah, where’s Apolo’s shot, huh? He finally responds to the “Over rated” chants before the match starts. Hennig insults Truth on the mic for not having respect and we start the match. Hennig shows his amateur background skills by taking Truth down and locking on a front face lock on the mat. Truth has no escape and he crawls his way to the ropes. Truth goes to the outside to recover. Hennig comes to the outside and they brawl a bit, going into the crowd. Hennig with a few chairshots on The Truth, which Tenay calls “the veteran advantage”. Back in the ring, Truth rakes Hennig’s eyes and gets his PELVIC THRUST POWERSLAM~! Truth kicks Hennig’s legs out from under him twice for two. Truth with a leg lariat on Hennig. Knee lift by Hennig. Hennig looks REALLY unmotivated. Hennig goes for a bodyslam, but Truth’s legs catch the ref in the face and he’s down. Goes for the Hennig-Plex, but the masked “Mr. Wrestling III” comes in and Hennig attacks him. He blocks a Hennig punch and goes right after The Truth, but Hennig won’t leave him alone. A ton of the wrestlers from the back come out and start brawling in the ring for some reason. This has turned into a total mess. Security out to break things up and Bullet Bob Armstrong orders the match to continue. Truth doesn’t want to, nailing everyone around him including Armstrong! Armstrong rules that if he doesn’t, he’ll be stripped and the title will be awarded to Hennig. The match is restarted, but Jarrett runs down while the ref is distracted, low blows Hennig allowing The Truth to get the pin. The Truth graces us with some rap lyrics before the show ends

 

My Opinion: I have NO idea what the hell was going on. All of these wrestlers ran in just because the ref was down and started brawling amongst themselves. Hennig looked really unmotivated this week. ¼*

 

End of show....or is it?

 

A Ministry of Darkness promo airs claiming that Evil Returns on October 30th.

 

Overall: Somehow, this week was even worse. It seemed as if nothing was advanced except for Lynn vs. Siaki. The X-title match was the worst yet and there was only ONE match ** or above. If there was ONE thing I'd say that has improved, its the in ring work of their tag division, but that’s not going to draw a dime.

 

I’ll be back on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday~! with WWE No Mercy.

 

‘Til then,

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez.

 

Got any questions, comments, insults, whatever....send it here: [email protected]