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Dr. Tom's Smackdown! Report 10/24

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Guest TSMAdmin



No opening video this week, so it’s right on to a match.


On tape from Andy Kaufman’s favorite city, Memphis, TN, this is WWE Smackdown! for 10/24/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Taz(z).


Opening Match: Mattitude v1.0 vs. Rikishi. Matt does have a hella cool video package, I’ll say that. Matt pounds on Rikishi, but that doesn’t go very well, as the big man batters him down. Rikishi clotheslines Matt, who bails to the apron for a hangman. Matt goes up and hits a diving clothesline for 2. He gets a neckbreaker, but Rikishi comes back with a Samoan Drop and superkick. A hard whip to the corner sets up the fatass splash, but Matt has a lowblow ready for the Stinkface. Why don’t more people think of that? Just raise your fist when he turns around and points at his BUTT. Rikishi fights out of both the Side Effect and the Twist of Fate, and finishes Matt with a sitout PILEDRIVER~! at 3:21. Damn, what made them dust off that move? The match wasn’t much, but I’ll give it an extra point because I like piledrivers. I wonder what this does to Matt’s push, though? 2/10

(Winner: Rikishi, pinfall @ 3:21)


After the match, Rikishi plays Dancing Fat Man, only to be interrupted by a fatter man, The Big Slow. Slow attacks Rikishi and grabs the mike. He says the usual crap about how big, mean, and unstoppable he is. He’s here to make an impact, dontcha know. I think he made enough of an impact when he had to run his fat ass down to the ring. Of course, he wants to challenge for the title, meaning he gets another undeserved push because his contract is the only thing in WWE fatter than he is.


After the break, Brock Lesnarberg and Paul E. Dangerously arrive.


Stephanie McMahon is in the ring, with a trophy that’s almost as tall as she is. The plastic race might be pretty close, though. The trophy is for the first-ever Smackdown Tag Champs, who are brought out to separate entrances: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit. Angle promptly takes credit for the win, and says the trophy will adorn his Wall Of Fame. Benoit says he should get credit for the win, and they struggle over the trophy. Angle gets in a good crack at Benoit, calling him “Mr. Toothless Aggression” before they pull the trophy apart and inadvertently whack Steph with it. She slaps them both in turn (which Angle sells as if someone hit him with a wrecking ball), and makes a match later to see who gets to keep the broken trophy. If it’s that easy to get an Angle-Benoit match, I think they should present a new trophy every week.


Cruiser Title Match: Jamie Noble (with Nidia) vs. Tajiri. Noble comes out dressed like Elvis, and promises the greatest impersonation anyone has ever seen. I guess being found dead on a toilet won’t be part of the act. Of course, it’s comically lame, Tajiri interrupts, and we’re on. Tajiri kicks the tar out of Noble, then dons the shades for a brief Elvis impression of his own. Back to the kicks, which Noble interrupts with a kick of his own. He goes for an early Tiger Driver, but Tajiri backs him into the corner, in a Tree of Woe. He kicks Noble some more and follows with a sliding dropkick to the face. Noble escapes the Tarantula, but gets kicked again. Tajiri goes after Nidia outside, but ends up kicking the post. Maybe he should have slapped his pants leg for some extra effect there. Back in, Noble goes to work on the leg right away. Tajiri flips thru a kneecrusher for 2. Noble does some more kick, then blocks a kick thrown by Tajiri with his bad leg. That was sold well. Tajiri kicks him down with the good leg and gets a faceplant. Noble pounds away, but Tajiri kicks him into Nidia on the apron. Noble rolls Tajiri up with a bridge, and holds onto Nidia to secure the nefarious pin at 3:54. I wasn’t a fan of the ending, but this was a pretty good match until then. 5/10

(Winner: Jamie Noble, cheating pinfall @ 3:54)


Meanwhile, Dawn Marie looks for Torrie Wilson.


After the break, the chicks have a tete-a-tete.


During the break, La Familia Guerrero got into it with Angle. They kept the conspiracy going against Benoit, which Angle looks all too willing to believe.


#1 Contender Tag Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio vs. La Familia Guerrero. Edge and Chavo start it off. Edge shoulderblocks Chavo down, and armdrags him into an amrbar. He hiptosses Chavo for a quick 1-count, and snapmares him for another 1. Chavo slugs him down, but Edge has a leg lariat waiting. Rey comes in, and whips Edge into Chavo for a spear. Rey cheap-shots Eddie off the apron and Bronco Busters Chavo. Chavo lifts the knees on a springboard moonsault, and Eddie tags in. He pounds Rey, who headscissors his way out of a double-team. Edge sends Chavo out, and Rey follows with a plancha. They catch him, though, and lift him when Edge slides out, only to smash Rey into his partner like a battering ram. Edge meets the steps up close and personal. Back in, Eddy takes Rey down with a hard back elbow and pounds him in the corner. Chavo comes in for more of the same, and clotheslines Rey for 2. Eddy tags in and puts the boots to Rey. He hits the Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker, and yields to Chavo for some more kicking. Rey dropkicks Chavo into the corner, but Eddy comes in illegally to stop the tag. Rey drops him with a heel kick and makes the hot tag to Edge. Edge cleans house like he was the Employee of the Month at the Mariott. He double faceplants both heels, and gets an Edge-O-Matic, forcing Eddy to make the save. Rey dumps Eddy, who promptly blocks a 619 on Chavo. Edge nails Chavo with a spear, and Eddy makes the save at about 2.95. Rey tosses Eddy again, and this time, hits the 619 on Chavo. Edge hoists Chavo into a powerbomb position, and Rey does a Bombs Away leap onto him. The ref yells at him, though, allowing Eddy to nail Edge with a slingshot senton. The ref now yells at him, so Rey hits a springboard legdrop onto Chavo, and Edge gets the pin at 7:15. Eddy thinks his team won until he turns around sees Chavo lying in the ring. You can imagine his usual great expressions. Typical solid match from these four. 7/10

(Winners: Edge/Rey, pinfall @ 7:15)


Meanwhile, The Undertaker will be waiting for Brock in the ring.


A very good video package recaps the Hell in a Cell match.


Taker limps out to the ring, and calls out Brock. Paul Heyman answers, rattling off a laundry list of Lesnar’s achievements until the champ decides to come out. Taker says everyone told him he would have won if not for his broken hand. He refuses to use it as an excuse, though. Five years ago, he says he would have won, but not Sunday. Taker goes on to say he’s beaten the best, but on Sunday, Brock was the best. Brock grabs the stick long enough to say he played the Sara card because he was fighting the Undertaker and needed an edge. After Brock leaves, Taker seems like he’s about ready to announce his retirement, until Big Slow interrupts. Slow takes credit for Brock’s win because he’s beaten Taker for two years and turned him into a broken-down hasbeen. UT points out that being a broken-down hasbeen is better than being a giant who never was. UT salutes the crowd from the stage, only to be attacked by Slow. Slow batters UT and press slams him off the stage.


I guess we have our injury angle that will give Taker some time off. But damn, will that feud SUCK the meat missile when he comes back.


After the break, the “doctors” tend to UT, getting him onto a stretcher before he decides to get up and hobble off on his own. He shrugs off help from the workers before finally getting some help to the back from Arn Anderson. It would have been great writing if Brock had come out to help him as a show of respect, especially since it looks like he’ll be working a program with Big Slow.


After the break, Dawn uses Funaki to find Al Wilson. Well, that’s a waste of a fine announcing talent. Dawn tries to break it off with Torrie’s dad, but he can’t resist the cleavage she’s been showing all evening.


Billy Kidman vs. John Cena. Kidman refuses Cena’s handshake, and rolls him up for 2. That’s not being a very nice babyface. Kidman nails an enzuigiri, and Cena bails. He catches Kidman’s plancha and rams him back-first into the post. Back in, that gets 2. Cena whips Kidman hard into the corner and spinebusters him for 2. Kidman takes Cena over with a headscissors and dropkicks him. Kidman’s selling really annoys me. All he does is grimace and clutch his injured body part between offensive moves. That’s just not very convincing. Kidman gets a back elbow off the second rope, and ‘ranas out of a Cena powerbomb try to get the rope-assisted pin at 2:44. Who’s the face here? Cena reminds us after the bell, as he attacks Kidman and tosses him into the steps. I would say he got his heat back, but that would mean he had to have heat in the first place. This was too brief to amount to much besides a heaping helping of vanilla. 1/10

(Winner: Billy Kidman, cheating pinfall @ 2:44)


Meanwhile, Marc Loyd wants an answer from Brock on the Slow challenge, and Brock responds by wondering where Funaki is. As for the original question, Brock says he’s not a hard man to find.


After the break, Eddy tries to make nice with Benoit, who seems surprisingly receptive.


Meanwhile, Slow waddles up to Brock’s dressing room and barges in. Heyman sucks up for a while to keep him at bay, until Slow tosses him aside and the staredown is on. Brock officially accepts the challenge. Yippee.


Main Event: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. They start with a mat sequence, easily won by Angle. Another one ends the same. Angle countered everything Benoit tried. Benoit elbows Angle in the face, and does it again off the ropes. He chops away, but Angle drops him with a clothesline. A vertical suplex gets 2. Angle slugs away in the corner and hits a high back suplex for 2. Angle lays in the chops, but Benoit clotheslines him down and nails an elbowdrop. They exchange backdrops, and Benoit grabs a pair of German suplexes. Angle answers with a trio of Germans for 2. Benoit slips out of an Olympic Slam and kills Angle with a German. The Kamikaze headbutt gets a very close 2. Benoit locks in the Crossface. Angle reaches for the bottom rope, so Benoit smartly pushes it away with his foot. He rolls back to the center, maintaining the hold the entire time. Angle eventually turns it into the Anglelock. Benoit rolls out and cradles Kurt for 2. Angle gets 2 off an Olympic Slam and goes back to the Anglelock. Benoit reverses it into the Crossface. Angle rolls out, but gets clothesline down. Benoit goes up, but whatever he was going to do is all for naught, as Angle counters with the running popup superplex. The Guerreros come out, with Eddy serving as the distraction while Chavo whacks Angle with one of the tag belts. Benoit picks up the win at 8:15. He seems surprised to see Eddy and Chavo, but that doesn’t stop Angle from nailing an Olympic Slam. He smashes the already-broken trophy afterwards. Well, there's no point in putting that one in the case now, is there? It’s Angle-Benoit, OF COURSE it was good. 8/10

(Winner: Chris Benoit, Guerrero-assisted pinfall @ 8:15)


The breakdown:


The Good: A main event of Angle-Benoit is always going to deliver the goods. The tag team match was also quite good, and the cruiserweight match was solid and fun. The Undertaker segments were done pretty well considering it’s another injury angle.


The Bad: I don’t see the point of jobbing Matt Hardy to Rikishi just to set up a Big Slow attack. Matt has made himself into an interesting character, so I hate seeing him lose just so some untalented fat slob can make a proper debut. The Kidman-Cena match was pretty bad, mainly because of Kidman’s poor selling.


The Ugly: The fucking Big Show is on Smackdown. I’m going to need to keep a bottle of whiskey handy for these recaps from now on. Never mind that the rosters were frozen a scant few weeks ago, it’s the goddamn Big Slow. Smackdown was relatively untainted before, and unless they traded him for Mark Henry and a box of foam middle fingers, there’s a cloud over this show now.


Overall: Despite the sickening amount of time Big Slow received, this was a good show. A very good tag match from four excellent competitors, and a great main event led the way, but the lightweights put on a good match, and the Undertaker skits were entertaining. The rest was definitely a miss, “highlighted” by the Big Slow blighting what was, overall, the best roster around. I normally complain about five-show matches, but I find it more relevant (and fun) to complain about the Big Slow. 7/10


Dr. Tom

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Look for Patrick Spoon's Tough Enough recap, coming shortly!

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