I got this e-mail today!

[Guest johndamnit]

Good stuff. Agree with most. A bit harshly put sometimes though.

 

 

 

Expressions of an American

 

If the person who wrote this ran for PRESIDENT I would VOTE for them.

 

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses, and big

campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some

governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to

crack addicts for squirting out babies.

 

Guns don't make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You

can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban

you from driving to the ball game.

 

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why

there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts.

 

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it

is an opinion. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of

anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly

discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet

Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

 

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are

different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial

profiling, it is the law of statistics.

 

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I

received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

 

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes,

a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English. As a matter of

fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should speak English. My

father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the

countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

 

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if

you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the

word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

 

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation

recount votes when needed.

 

I know what the definition of lying is.

 

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are

qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans

or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store,

or any other business.

 

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives

in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their

interpretations.

 

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake,

but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching

them.

 

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more

dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

 

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and

continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating

system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

 

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take

a parent to stand up to the kid and smack his little ass when necessary

and say "NO."

 

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't

pretend they are a political statement. And stay home until that new lip

ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you

serve me fries.

 

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go

along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I

am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

 

And if you don't like my point of view, tough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"Delta is ready when you are !!!!!"

 

I think that this is from George Carlin, but I don't care who said it, damn it's good!

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

That's some good stuff.

 

It wouldn't suprise me if George Carlin said that. He's got the balls to make those statements.

[Guest johndamnit]

I know, talkin about hitting the nail on the head!

[Guest imajackoff?]

I could be wrong, but I'd be surprised if someone as bright as Carlin said some of the uneducated pap written above.

[Guest Midnight Express83]

I find it odd that you must speak a certain language in this country when there is no official language.

 

I also find it odd that it says people should keep every penny they earn by owning business, yet new people who aren't Americans can't get a loan to start one.

 

I am not even going to dignify the first bracket with a response.

 

As for the whole African American thing, someone with enough money and luck could find the country most slaves came from. But with no written records, name changes, sells and trades, plus the fact there weren’t many nations in Africa, I think the term African Americans works.

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

Don't credit that to Carlin. He's not really big on patriotism so much as he is big on being anti-politically correct. He even has a disclaimer on his website somewhere (I've seen it before) that this particular piece is not his.

[Guest DrTom]

Carlin didn't say any of those things. The list is commonly attributed to him, but it's not his material. I think there's something on snopes.com about this, but I wouldn't swear to it. Carlin's more eloquent, and even if he weren't, he definitely has some liberal leanings, while this list is a collection of conservative credos, some of them quite extreme.

 

I also find it odd that it says people should keep every penny they earn by owning business, yet new people who aren't Americans can't get a loan to start one.

Sure they can. They can also avoid paying taxes on that business, since they're not citizens. And as long as another non-citizen member of the family turns up every seven years, they can keep passing the business off and avoiding the taxes.

[Guest Paranoid]

Actually that sounds alot more like one Dennis Leary's rants then Carlin. But some of it is funny.

[Guest Mulatto Heat]

It's not Carlin. How can that come from the same man who stated that: "America is full of shit and always was, from the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. This country was founded by white slave owners that said that all men are created equal."

 

It sounds like something he would say, but more in the tone rather than the content.

[Guest DeputyHawk]

it sounds like something bob roberts would say, actually. "uneductaed pap" about sums it up.

[Guest Incandenza]

Actually that sounds alot more like one Dennis Leary's rants then Carlin. But some of it is funny.

It ain't Denis Leary, either. He (Leary) is a lefty.

[Guest LooseCannon]

That whole thing struck me as pretty retarded. Except for the part about the boyscouts. All those girls that keep whining about how they can't be in the boyscouts should just the hell up. No one wants their cooties.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

I didn't find it retarded. I thought a lot of what was said is something that has needed to be said for awhile. Some people are just afraid to admit that it's true.

 

Now some of it may have been a little overboard, but for the most part I liked it.

 

I know saying everyone needs to learn english is harsh, but it would make things a lot easier.

[Guest LooseCannon]

Anyone who wants to answer the following questions in lieu of the anonymous quasi-funny man, feel free to do so:

 

Why the fuck do you care if black people want to be called African Americans?

Why is that such a fucking hassle to you?

 

When have you really come across an immigrant who couldn’t speak English at all?

Why don’t you go find the people without accents willing to work shitty jobs for shitty wages and stop bitching about people who came here for an opportunity like everyone else?

 

This one is a rather serious question: What country has decided to come over here and reinterpret the Constitution for us? Cause really, I have no clue.

 

Why are you so hell-bent on standing up for the oh so persecuted Bill Gates, yet so simultaneously willing to write off ACTUAL STATISTICAL disparities in arrest rates among minorities?

 

Do you really fucking believe all of your tax dollars go to crack heads for squirting out babies?

Go and look at how much of the budget last year went to welfare and how much went to subsidize corporations before you answer that.

 

Why do you think this bland populist pablum is at all funny? or clever?

[Guest J*ingus]

Alright, someone had to do it.

 

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses, and big

campfires.

 

Well, it is certainly your right to be able to own such things, if you are a law-abiding citizen and can pay for them. I hope your grandchildren can pay to clean up the pollution from all of your phallic overcompensation.

 

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some

governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to

crack addicts for squirting out babies.

 

Firstly, no, it doesn't all belong to you. You get taxed. It's the law of the land. And secondly, if they knew that someone was a crack addict who was constantly pregnant, they certainly wouldn't give her any money. And nice to see how you transformed a living, thinking, feeling human being into a drug-fueled infant factory.

 

Guns don't make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You

can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban

you from driving to the ball game.

 

It's a hell of a lot easier to intentionally murder someone with a gun than a baseball bat or an automobile. Guns are made to kill living things. Aside from target shooting or being props in a movie, killing is the only purpose they have. Not so for the other items.

 

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why

there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts.

 

Being that the Boy Scouts is a privately owned organization, yes, they have the right to run themselves any way they see fit. Too bad many Girl Scout troops are fairly lame and don't get to do half of what the boys do.

 

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it

is an opinion.

 

True enough. However, the definition of "opinion" is that it is cannot be proven categorically right or wrong; it remains your own personal theory, so don't try and tell me that people are going to burn in hell for what you perceive to be wrong.

 

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

 

Your words contain a grain of truth, but the bombastic way it is stated sours it anyway.

 

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

 

Define "not tolerant", please. How far does nontolerance go? Dirty looks? Cruel jokes? Lynchings at midnight?

 

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

 

When a fucking idiot can't figure out that 70 = 70 and he's proven that all criminals are born equal, that's not statistics, that's innumeracy mixed with racism.

 

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

 

If it was between two consenting adults, who are not cheating on a spouse, and not in the military or something similar, then there really should be no reason to forbid it.

 

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English.

 

How many places have you ever been (outside heavily foreign neighborhoods) where NOBODY spoke ANY English? It's pretty rare. It's not a vital, urgent concern of this nation to correct such situations. More immigrants speak English now than did a hundred years ago.

 

As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should speak English. My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

 

As a matter of fact, those two things have nothing to do with each other whatsoever. Quit your chest-beating, put down that flag and join the rest of us human beings on this planet.

 

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

 

Uh, yes, the police DO have the right to use force if they are attacked. What's your point here?

 

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed.

 

Huh? Once again, your point?

 

I know what the definition of lying is.

 

Saying something against America, I'd imagine.

 

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

 

If it lets you have a cheaper room, cup of coffee, or trinket, (while letting another person be a gainfully employed entrepreneur) why does it matter?

 

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

 

And who exactly has done this? And what major effects has it had?

 

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

 

What about the rich who got rich through shady means (of which there are many)? What about the poor who have little chance to rise above their station?

 

I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

 

Why is this of all things the smartest thing you've said?

 

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

 

A liberal will whine. A conservative will yell. A Hell's Angel will shoot you repeatedly in the face.

 

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

 

Once again, that nasty Constitutional federal income tax does pretty much shoot down your argument before it's even off the runway. Not to mention that whole antitrust deal.

 

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack his little ass when necessary and say "NO."

 

That'll work for some children. For other, more emotionally fragile ones, it won't.

 

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me fries.

 

What if they really are a political statement? And why is your wish to not be mildly discomforted more important than someone else's right to earn a living?

 

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

 

I still think we haven't found the perfect racial adjectives yet. "Black" and "white" are incorrect on a literal level; "whatever-American" takes too damn long to say or write.

 

And if you don't like my point of view, tough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Same to you, you self-rightious holier-than-thou fuckhole.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

But... no one was really disagreeing with him.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Patty O'Green 0]

Anyone who wants to answer the following questions in lieu of the anonymous quasi-funny man, feel free to do so:

 

Why the fuck do you care if black people want to be called African Americans?

Why is that such a fucking hassle to you?

 

When have you really come across an immigrant who couldn’t speak English at all?

Why don’t you go find the people without accents willing to work shitty jobs for shitty wages and stop bitching about people who came here for an opportunity like everyone else?

 

This one is a rather serious question: What country has decided to come over here and reinterpret the Constitution for us?  Cause really, I have no clue.

 

Why are you so hell-bent on standing up for the oh so persecuted Bill Gates, yet so simultaneously willing to write off ACTUAL STATISTICAL disparities in arrest rates among minorities?

 

Do you really fucking believe all of your tax dollars go to crack heads for squirting out babies?  

Go and look at how much of the budget last year went to welfare and how much went to subsidize corporations before you answer that.

 

Why do you think this bland populist pablum is at all funny? or clever?

That was a great post, Loose. Also a great post by Jingus. The whole little rant seemed pretty stupid to me however the line about the lip ring was pretty funny. Comedy gold, baby!!!

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Okay, so maybe some did disagree with it. Still, we didn't need the dissection.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

You know I should really try reading these things when I'm more awake. I missed a lot of the crap.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Okay, so maybe some did disagree with it. Still, we didn't need the dissection.

Yea, but this way if any of us ever gets it in the future, then we can copy and paste (giving credit where it's due to "some guy on my message board" of course ) for the reply, and maybe even forwarding it to everyone who got the original forward!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

I also find it odd that it says people should keep every penny they earn by owning business, yet new people who aren't Americans can't get a loan to start one.

Sure they can. They can also avoid paying taxes on that business, since they're not citizens. And as long as another non-citizen member of the family turns up every seven years, they can keep passing the business off and avoiding the taxes.

Erm... not quite.

 

Check the Urban Legends Reference Page for their debunking of this rumor.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Just thought I'd say that, actually, a lot of black people don't like to be called African-American... in fact, no one I know does.

[Guest Midnight Express83]

From where I am from, we like African American as well as black. We HATE Afro-American because it sounds like a hairstyle. Thats like calling white people Mullet-Americans.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

I think it's stupid calling people African-American, Italian-American, Irish-American,etc.

 

When you come to te country you're just American.

 

Or Canadian.

[Guest T®ITEC]

I dunno,... I kind of dig Mullet-American.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Well yeah that's the exeption that proves the rule

[Guest Midnight Express83]

I mostly agree, its just hard when are brought here by force for some of them to not want to hold on to past. So ____-Americans work. They are all Americans, just holding on to their past.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Well I get annoyed when SOME african-americans go on about slavery here in Canada.

 

1. Canada never enslaved A.A.'s

 

2. White people have been slaves too. In the Roman Empire and many others.

[Guest crandamaniac]

I got this from The John Boy and Billy Big Show Website (they're a radio morning show here in the Carolinas, and a few other states). It's a little different version of it, but it basically says the same thing. No author has been given credit for it tho.

 

I'm a Bad American. This pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.

 

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

 

I don't care about appearing compassionate.

 

I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.

 

I think I'm doing better than the homeless.

 

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations. I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.

 

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

 

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.

 

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry BUTT if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop'in English, see the previous line.

 

I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

 

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "is"-ever.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.

 

I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

 

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

 

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

 

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.

 

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

 

Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said - now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.

 

I don't hate the rich. I help the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots - and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too - it was wrong for every one of them.

 

I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

 

I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function.

 

I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.

 

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

 

I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.

 

I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child-it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his BUTT and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so.

 

I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.

 

I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

 

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

 

Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American.

 

But that's tough.

[Guest crandamaniac]

Coincdentally, this thing has been attributed to both George Carlin and Ted Nugent, who have both denied writing it