WCW/nWo Road Wild '98

[Guest nWoScorpion]

WCW/nWo Road Wild 1998

Live From Stergis, South Dakota

August 1998

 

- Video package highlighting the main event; Hogan/Bischoff Vs. DDP/Leno. Thats right JAY LENO.

 

- Your Hosts as usual are Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, and Tony Schiavone.

 

- Opening Match:

The Barbarian (w/ Jimmy Hart) Vs. Meng:

Barbarian attacks to start and throws Meng to the floor. Sumo lockup bores me already and they trade chops, and Meng takes the advantage, and nails a clothesline. Barbarian witha over head belly to belly suplex. Meng backdrops out of a piledriver and nails a piledriver of his own. Meng to the 2nd rope and he misses a diving headbutt. Cresent kick by Meng takes down Barbarian. They exchange rights and Barbarian witha top rope belly to belly suplex for a 2 count. Meng with a powerslam for 2. Meng goes after Hart and Barbarian attacks from behind. They exchange more chops, and Meng with a series of headbutts. Snapmare by Barbarian and does more stuff. Back in the ring and Barbarian with a back body drop. Meng up and applies the tonga death grip and its over at 4:48. 1/2* Hart pounds on Meng to no avail and Hugh Morrus comes out to attack Meng and its a 3 on 1 atatck. Meng fights back after getting nailed with a splash from Hart, but again is taken down. Morrus with a the no laughing matter, and Jim Duggan comes out to clear the ring of Barbarian, Hart & Morrus. Did I miss something in 1998 or what?

 

- Disco Inferno & Alex Wright (w/ Tokyo Magnum) Vs. Public Enemy:

Whos the japanese dude? Johnny Grunge! Get the tables!! Whoops, i'm before my WWF time, hehe. Disco makes fun of the way people smell in Stergis. Go Disco Inferno. Wright starts with Rocco Rock and Wright with an arm drag and some dancing. Wright with an armbar on Rocco, and Rock reverses it with his own. Wright with a wierd reversal and a dropkick. Disco Inferno in now and he rolls up Rock for 2. Grunge in now and he beats down on Disco. Disco with a clothesline and Alex Wright with a missile dropkick for 2. Wright pounds on Grunge and gets caught with a clothesline by Rocco. Double Flap Jack by the Public Enemy on Disco and Wright kills Grunge witha trash can and the Dancing Fools lay in on him. Rocco with a ladder now and he lays both men out with it. The Fools run off, and come back with a table.Rocco Rock runs off now and come back with a.....kitchen sinks and a toilet seat!! Grunge eats trash cans, and rocco kills Disco with a cooking sheet. Rocco with a mailbox and nails Inferno with it. Cooking sheet to the back of Wright by Rock. Snap suplex by Wright on a trash can, and Grunge from behind witha cooking sheet to both sides of the head. Wright on the table and Rocco Rock....is tripped up by Disco Inferno and is clobbered with a sheet. Kitchen sink is into play and Grunge eats that. This is retarded now. Rocco in and nails Wright with a trash can lid. The Japanese dude is in the ring while Grunge pounds Discos ankle with a toilet seat. Inverted Atomic Drops by Public Emeny, but Wright with a leg lariat on Grunge. Tokyo puts the boots to him and accidentally nails Wright with a forearm, so Wright nails him back. Wright walks off, so we know the finish. Disco eats ladder 3 Tables are set up on the floor, and so is a ladder. Disco is laid across the 3 tables, and Rocco climbs a piller holding up some device to cover the ring, and drops an elbow threw all 3 tables!!! Grunge covers for 2, as Tokyo tries running a interference, but splashes Disco instead. He gets nailed, and Disco is pinned at 15:27. WAY TOO LONG. * Well, thats 15 minutes of my life i won't be getting back anytime soon.

 

- Dean Malenko interview on WCWwrestling.com, but he's a referee. WHAT DID I MISS!!?!

 

- Triple Threat; Falls Count Anywhere in the Stergis City Limits Match:

Raven (w/ Lodi) Vs. Perry Saturn Vs. Kanyon:

Jesus, I spent too much time watching WWF in 1998, cause I have NO Clue about anything going on on this PPV. It's ironic that WWF has several of The Flocks top guys and refuses to bring the group back to life. Kanyon is the "Inovater of Ofense" I guess. Saturn with a clothesline to Kanyon and he kicks away at him. Swinging neckbreaker by Kanyon, and Raven with a chair shot to Saturn, and Kanyon gets nailed by Saturn. Raven sends Kanyon into the ring post and Saturn and Kanyon brawl. Saturn pulls Kanyon off the apron and Raven sends both men back in. Saturn & Kanyon unload several rights, while Raven watches. Saturn & Kanyon stop, and Kanyon dropkicks Raven, and Saturn follows with his own. Saturn with a back drop and Kanyon with a neckbreaker in one, and Kanyon covers for 2. Saturn with a spinning kick to the legs, and Kanyon with one to the head. Kanyon with a russian leg sweep succesion to Raven and Saturn with a top rope leg drop for 2, as Kanyon cuts the count. Bridge Suplex by Kanyon on Raven broken up also. Raven with a chair, nailing both men at once, as they were brawling. Saturn sends Raven to the outside, and Kanyon with a plancha on both men. Big Booy by Saturn to Raven and Kanyon comes from behind whipping Raven into the safety railing. Raven runs to the ramp and Saturn nails him from the back. Kanyon double axhandles Saturn and Raven suplexes Kanyon on the ramp. Saturn with a kneelift on Raven for 2 as the brawl at the top of the stage. Kanyon with a piledriver on Saturn on the stage for 2. a Raven dropkick sends Kanyon rolling down the rampway. Kanyon eats stage and Saturn witha double clothesline off the stage. Kanyon attacks them both from behind, and brings Raven back into the ring. Saturn with a t-bone suplex on Raven, but the cover is prevented by Kanyon. Saturn with a sleeper hold on Raven, and Kanyon with a sleeper hold on Saturn, which is double countered with jaw breakers. Raven coves Saturn for 2. Raven with Kanyon on his shoulders, and Kanyon with a suplex on Saturn from the top rope after getting slammed from off Ravens back. Raven back up and evenflow DDT's saturn for 2, as Kanyon pulls off Raven. Suplex on the platform by Kanyon to Raven, and he climbs a piller, and mises a splash due to Lodi pulling Raven out of the way. Death Valley Driver by Saturn gets 2 and Lodi in, but he gets slammed. Horace Boulder (hogan) with a stop sign takes out Saturn, then he nails Lodi after getting powerded, then Raven thanks to Saturn pulling him in front, and Saturn with a german suplex to Horace. Death valley Driver connects again for 3 at 12:27. **1/2 Pretty good match.

 

- #1 Contenders Match for WCW Cruiserwight Championship:

Psicosis Vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.:

Both men were trained by Rey Mysterio Sr., Rey Jr.s Uncle. Lockup and they break clean in the corner. Drop toe hold by Psicosis and a side headlock. Psicosis just recently beat Juventud Guerrera to get in this match. Rey with some kicks to the head, and Psicosis with an armbar. Rey up with a dropkick and Psicosis to the outside. Heenan says Rey challenged Nash to matches about a year ago, I guess cause he was mad about the human dart thing from June-July 1996. Knuckle Lock and Psicosis turns it into a wrist lock. Rey up with a victory roll for 2 and a tilt a whirl nothing, and Psicosis with a clothesline for 2. Stall, front face suplex by Psicosis gets 2 again. Rey sent to the buckle and Psicosis with a corner surfobard manuever. Tenay notes Jericho is a 5 time (5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time....whoops wrong wrestler) Cruserweight Champion. Psicosis sends up Rey Jr., and drives him back into the mat stomach first. Snap Suplex by Psicosisand he eats boot, and Rey Jr. sends Psicosis to the top turnbuckle, and the 2nd and bottom ones. Rey does the 619, jumps up on Psicosis' shoulders and scores a hurricanrana. Back in the ring, and Rey Jr. with a high cross body press for 2. Hurricanrana blocked and Psicosis with a powerbomb for 2. Vulcan Nerve pinch by Psicosis, and his jingling chains are pising me off now. Bridge slam gets a 2 for Psicosis and nails a dropkick on the outside. Back in and he applies a half crab to Rey Rey. Top rope Hurricanrana by Psicosis gets 2. Psico' with a slam, and goes to the top, but rey dropkick him to the floor and scores a springboard moonsault over the top rope onto the floor. Shoulderblock anda sunset flip gets 2. Rey with a fame-asser type manuever and a split legged moonsault gets 2. Spinebuster by Psicosis gets 2. Rey does a cross body, and nails the West Coast Pop for the win at 13:38. **. Nothing good compared to other Rey Mysterio Matches, but still decent enough but lasted way too long like the whole card.

 

- WCW Television Championship Match:

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/ Pepe) Vs. Stevie Ray ©:

Chavo has on some of Dan Malenko's ring attire. OK I Am completely lost on this subject. Ceremonial Handshake? Oh Boy. Dropkick to the knee by Chavo and Stevie shakes everything else off. Stevie Ray hammers on Chavo and chokes him in mid air. Chavo runs around the ring for a while. Stevie with the slap jack (aka pedigree) and its over at 2:39. DUD. What was the point of this? Eddie comes out and stops Stevie Ray sadly from kicking Chavo's ass.

 

- Chris Jericho interview with WCWwrestling.com. He calls Malenko "Deano Machino", and makes fun of Juventud's ugly face.

 

- Rick Steiner Vs. Scott Steiner (w/ Buff Bagwell):

JIP. The match doesn't take place because Scott Steiner is "injured" so severely that he has a leg cast, a neck brace, and a breathing support mask on while lying on a stretcher. The rematch is scheduled for Fall Brawl. Scott Steiner has a fit and is able to walk and run on his own power. No Match. No Rating.

 

- Brian Adams (w/ Vincent) Vs. Steve "Mongo" McMichael:

Jesus Christ, McMichael is still around in 1998!? Age wasn't nice with him I guess. Lockup and a clean break in the corner. Again, and Brian Adams breaks clean too. Knuckle Lock and Adams with a boot to the midsection and a head BUTT. McMichael is in Pudgyville now. DDT/Headlock by McMichael, and he and his gut get up as Adams crawls to the floor. Mongo with a series of rights and Adams catches him with a powerbomb like manuever and scores a leg drop for 2. Snapmare and vulcan nerve pinch by Crush. I mean Adams. I got to use to calling him Crush I guess. Clothesline by Adams sends McMichae to the outside, and Vincent sends him into the steel steps. McMichael no sells some punches and Adams nails him from behind. Side Backbreaker gets 2. 2nd rope knee drop misses and Mongo with a back suplex and three point stance knee clips. Crush nails him in the throat and scores a shot on the referee by mistake. Vincent with a WEAK chair shot to Adams and Mongo with a tombstone piledriver for 3!! Time of the fall was 6:32. 1/2* I SERIOUSLY didn't see this result coming.

 

- WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match:

Special Referee: "The Iceman" Dean Malenko

"Lionheart" Chris Jericho © Vs. Juventud Guerrera:

Juvi just lost his mask I'm guessing just recently. Tenay says Malenko was a referee for a while in the summer of 1987-88 or so down in Florida. Jericho was from Calgary? Jericho is wearing a kimono! HA HA HA! Jericho always ruled with his charisma. Jericho was 1 year away still from making his dramatic debut in the WWF. "I want you to want me!" HA HA. He rode his Honda Motorcycle this afternoon, and didn't feel like wrestlin in front of weekend warrior riders. Everyone's pissed off so they start revving the engines. Juvi attacks and drop toe holds Jericho into the buckle and scores a dropkick. Jericho with a jumping back kick sends Juvi down and asaults him in the ropes. Dean throws Jericho down for some reason, I'm guessing for breaking the rules. Juvi misses a dropkick and gets caught up in the corner. Juvi from the apron pulls down Jericho and nails a missile dropkick. Jericho eats ring apron thanks to Juvi and Jericho falls into the safety railing. Juvi witha spring board plancha onto Jericho from the top rope to the bottom level concrete. Slingshot leg drop gets 2. This is a parking lot!?!? No wonder theres so much traffic. Snapmare & headlock by Juventud. Jawbreaker by Jericho and a dropkick. Spirngboard Cross Body gets a slow 2 count. JEricho catches Juvi and drops him with a gorilla press slam for 2. Stall Suplex by the soon tyo be Y2J and covers with 1 foot, and Malenko with a REALLY slow 2 count. Jericho hammers away, and scores a slam and back splash for another slow 2 count. Malenko takes too long. Rear chinlock by Jericho. Juvi up and runs into a knee lift, but Guerrera fights off and scores a suplex. Jericho continues putting the boots to Juvi and Jericho sends him on his ass again. Slam and a lion-sault is blocked by Juvi and he connects with some knife edge chops and a spinning head scissors takedown. Spinning heel kick sends down Jericho for 2. Jericho catches Juvi with a german suplex, but its reversed, but a powerbomb works for the champion. Jericho to the 2nd rope and he nails a springboard clothesline on Juvi, sending him from the apron to the outside. Clothesline by Jericho gets 2 again. Face buster by Juvi turns the tide and he covers for a 2 count. Juvi Driver connects and only gets 2. Jericho up and he crotches Juvi and nails a top rope superplex, and Juvi covers JERICHO for 2. Jericho with the lion tamer but Juvi's in the ropes. Juvi nailed Malenko by mistake, and Jericho clobbers Juvi with the title belt, and covers him for 2! Jericho to the 2nd rope and Juvi cleans his clock, and Malenko pulls him off. Juvi gets a boost (accidental) inot midair and connects with a hurricanrana on Jericho from the top rope for 3 at 16:21!!! ***1/2 Malenko sends Jericho packing afterwards. I thought Jericho had this won easily but I was wrong again.

 

- 9 Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royal: (Pinfalls allowed also)

Scott Hall (nWo Hollywood), The Giant (nWo Hollywood), Curt Hennig (nWo Hollywood), Scott Norton (nWo Hollywood), Kevin Nash (nWo Wolfpac), Sting (nWo Wolfpac), "Total Package" Lex Luger (nWo Wolfpac), Konnan (nWo Wolfpac), Goldberg:

One guess who wins this one stupid. Goldberg is currenty 129-0. Sure. Thats more pumped up then Brittany Spears fake tits. This ring is smaller then a WWF one i bet. Everyone brawls. Except Goldberg. He nails on the Giant and his underwear. Nash & Hall go at it as does Sting & Hennig. Hall is out via Goldberg at 1:25 after a reversed outsiders edge. Kevin Nash walks over the top rope and elimanated himself at 1:31 to go after Hall. Asshole, can't even job clean in a battle FREAKIN royal. Nash slams Halls head into the apron. Goldberg spears Hennig and continues hammering him Sting with a sleeper on Giant but that goes nowhere. Norton chokes on Luger and Konnan goes for Hennig. Giant steps on Stings chest in the corner and Goldberg comes to kick his ass. The Giant with knee lifts in the corner on Goldberg and a russian leg sweep. Hennigs on Goldberg and tries throwing him over the top rope. Keyword: Tries. Norton has Luger going soon as the crowd dies. Scorpion Death Lock on Hennig, but its broken by Scott Norton. Spear to Konnan. Konnan is out by Goldberg at 4:56. Hennig almost throws out Goldberg, but Goldberg hooks anything possible. Giant goes back for more of goldberg and handles him well and Hennig with sick chops. Back suplex by Giant on Goldberg and Hennig puts the boots to him. Spear to Hennig again, and Goldberg chucks Hennig over at 6:42. Sting & Scott Norton are gone at 6:50 thanks to Goldberg as well, and Luger si speared and tossed at 7:09 by Giant this time. Chokeslam connects by The Giant. Goldberg does his Hogan imitation and spears The Giant, and nails the jackhammer!!!! Goldberg covers for 3 at 7:58 to win the Battle Royal with ease. 1/2*. 130-0. They bump it to 135-0 if you count 1 win for each elimanation, the bastards.

 

- The Main Event:

Diamond Dallas Page & Jay Leno (w/ Kevin Uebanks) Vs. "Hollwood" Hogan & Eric Bischoff (w/ The Dicyple & Elizabeth):

Hogan comes out to his Voodoo Child/nWo mix entrance music. Atleast he knows classics when he hears them. One wonders who writes Hogan's introductions at PPV's, HA HA. Heres the nWo theme finally, took about a minute or so. I hope one thing, that it will be quick and painless. Some retard on camera does the 4-Life sign about 50 times in a span of 10 seconds. Retard sign says Hogan rides a Honda, even though he has a collection of Harley Davidsons, the idiots. Jay Leno & his chin look really stupid in a wrestling ring. Leno throws water on Hogan & Bischoff!!! The Asshole. Hogan is pissed and rightly so. Leno wants Hogan to knock his chin out and the match just stalls forever. DDP spits at Hogan, and Hogan/DDP start the match finally. Hogan wins the lockup and poses, as the crowd chants DDP and Hogan throws his doorag at DDP. Armbar by Hogan and DDP reverses into his own and scores a few shoulderblocks. DDP & Hogan trade slaps and Leno witha cheap shot. DDP with a swinging neckbreaker and Hogan goes to the outside. DDP rolls up Hogan for 2 back inside. Hogan & DDP go to their corners to talk and the crowd chants some obscenities. Hogan unloads on DDP and chokes him in the corner. Bischoff inand they slam him into the corner. Hogan hides from Leno....or something and Bischoff with some martial arts kicks to DDP. Leno tags in and Bischoff scares off into Hogan, and tags him in. Heenan jokes he can hit Lenos chin from where he is, since its a big target. Leno makes fun of Hogan's receiding hair line and tells Hogan to kiss it. DDP tags back in and unloads on Hogan. Thumb to the eye by Hogan and a clothesline. DDP drivs his shoulder into Hogans arm and applies a armbar. Leno is in and applies the armbar and drives Hogan to the mat!!! Heenan loves it. Hogans got the hair and drives the knees into Leno. Axhandle misses and DDP in and works on Hogans arm some more. Double clothesline to Hogan and Leno covers for 2! Hogan tries nailing Uebanks but punches a steel chair instead, and DDP goes abck to work on Hogan. Bischoff eats a fist but Hogan lays out DDP in the process. Bischoff tags in and does some more martial arts kicking on DDP, and unloads a fury of lefts and rights. DDP up and he kills Bischoff, and Hogan in with a brass knucks punch laying him out. Bischoff covers him but for only a 2 count. Hogan in and pounds on Page even more. Bichoff chokes on Dallas and Hogan uses the Knucks to clock DDP again. Big Boot by Hogan, and DDP is up and nails a discus clothesline. Page is called the Peoples Champion, and WCW stole that too. Leno & Bischoff in now and Bischoff rakes the eyes. Low Blow by Leno and he knocks him down with a series of right hands several times. Bischoff eats buckle and a few more times for good measure. "look at Leno bring on Goldberg!" Hogan accidentally nails Bischoff and DDP and Hogan are out. Uebanks in and diamond cutters Bischoff, and Leno covers for 3 14:32!!! Match was DUD but comedy wise its 3/4*. So i'll give it 1/4* Team Hollywood cheap shot the three-some of winners and God comes out to clean house. DOUBLE SPEAR TO BISCHOFF & HOGAN!! Dicyple takes off before any harm can come to him, the bastard.

 

Final Analysis: If Not for the 2 Curiserweight Matches and the Triple Threat, this show is a throw away. Some matches were just too damn long to have any meaning and the show seemed like a common Nitro. On The otherhand, nothing wasn't really that bad wrestling wise except for the main event when its written on paper, and the battle royal which did nothing but show that Goldberg can kill the nWo's single handedly.

 

Mild Reccomendation by the skin of the PPV's teeth.

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

Did you really write that?? If so, expect Scott Keith's lawyer to be in touch sometime soon...

 

Illusion

[Guest Retro Rob]

He didn't really copy Keith's rant, but he did borrow a few of SK's worn-out lines (Theres X minutes I will never get back). Besides that, he tends to incorporate quite a bit of SK's stlye into his rants. Either way, this wasn't as bad as the time he copied Hitman383. Of all the people to copy, WHY HIM??? That is all I ask.

[Guest bob_barron]

Did you really write that?? If so, expect Scott Keith's lawyer to be in touch sometime soon...

 

Illusion

SK called it one of the worst PPVs ever.

He liked it.

 

God- if you're gonna accuse someone of plagarism back it up with facts

[Guest goodhelmet]

yeah, nwo scorpion, i am not going to flame you or insult you or question your integrity (on the plagiarism issue) but i will give you a few pointers...

 

first and foremost, rob is right! kill the SKisms. this isn't a knock on Sk but that is his style. develop your own style. as a rule of thumb, if you think SK said it in a rant, DON'T say it in yours. fuck around and work with a style you can call your own. part of the writing process is creativity, and if you intend to continue writing, you need to work on the creative aspect some more.

 

another thing you need to do is expand on your opinions. avoid tired phrases such as "fun match", "entertaining match", and the like. if a match is good then support your opinion thoroughly. let the reader feel the emotion of the match.

 

finally, mix in a spell check. why should i accept your recommendation when you can't even spell recommendation?

 

i really hope you take these comments to heart and incorporate them in future tape reviews. be a contender, not a pretender!

[Guest Retro Rob]

be a contender, not a pretender!

That's a good one.

[Guest goodhelmet]

well, so far he has no-sold my advice so fuck him!

 

as far as the saying rob, i was going to steal the infamous "lose the zero and get with the hero" quote from cool as ice but changed my mind.

[Guest Retro Rob]

well, so far he has no-sold my advice so fuck him!

Don't mind him. That is his usual defense when people say anything about his work that could be interpreted as negative. For example, after he was caught copying Hitman, he disappeared for a week or two.

[Guest goodhelmet]

Did you really write that?? If so, expect Scott Keith's lawyer to be in touch sometime soon...

 

Illusion

SK called it one of the worst PPVs ever.

He liked it.

 

God- if you're gonna accuse someone of plagarism back it up with facts

ok, barron, it's not a matter of what he rated the matches or if he liked the show. plagiarism involves the copying of words or ideas from another author... including the SKisms. i imagine that if you looked at the two rants side by side that if he didn't qoute SK direcly then he probably paraphrased quite a bit. at the very least, he pick and pulled various lines from SK's different rants and incorporated them into this one.

[Guest goodhelmet]

well, so far he has no-sold my advice so fuck him!

Don't mind him. That is his usual defense when people say anything about his work that could be interpreted as negative. For example, after he was caught copying Hitman, he disappeared for a week or two.

eh, the sad thing is i didn't say anything negative to the guy. if i really wanted to dissect his rant i could have goe line by line. luckily, i have peeps like you rob who i don't have to dissect!!! i can just read and enjoy!

[Guest MrRant]

if i really wanted to dissect his rant i could have goe line by line.

Hehehe

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

eh, the sad thing is i didn't say anything negative to the guy. if i really wanted to dissect his rant i could have goe line by line. luckily, i have peeps like you rob who i don't have to dissect!!! i can just read and enjoy!

 

People you can just read like me? Actually, I have no idea how I'd do recapping a Pay Per View or even a Raw or Smackdown. Writing PBP just makes me fear ever trying.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest goodhelmet]

if i really wanted to dissect his rant i could have goe line by line.

Hehehe

having flashbacks?

[Guest MrRant]

Somewhat

[Guest goodhelmet]

if anything, i will admit that your rant was helluva more original than the article above. in fact, all of your rants have been more inspiring than this attempt at wrestling criticism.

[Guest MrRant]

wish i had the time. baby takes up SOOO much of your time each day.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

To Quote Scott Kieths rant, mine looks almost nothing like it, and mine seems to be a little longer then his.

 

 

"The SmarK Retro Repost - Road Wild '98

Posted By Scott Keith on 08.24.02

- Live from Sturgis, South Dakota

 

- Your hosts are Tony, Mike and Bobby.

 

- Opening match: Meng v. Barbarian. AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! Actually, it's not too terrible or anything. Barbarian pulls a couple of nice suplexes on Meng, but really everyone is moving faster than normal. But it goes on waaaaay too long. But Barbarian turns around at the wrong time and gets hits with the TONGAN DEATH GRIP! Yeah, whatever. * Hugh Morrus and Barbarian double-team Meng until Jim Duggan makes the save. Good thing he was there in his wrestling tights just in case he was needed for an emergency save like that.

 

- Disco Inferno & Alex Wright v. The Public Enemy . Luckily we're all getting near a good blood alcohol level going at this point. HSB takes note of Wright's "package" but no one else notices. Some crappy wrestling and suddenly a trash can gets brought in and Rocco Rock runs back to get a ladder and suddenly the announcers declare it an "anything goes street fight". HSB continues his analysis of Wright's assets. So now Disco goes back to get some stuff and then TPE goes and gets a kitchen sink and toilet seat and a typical weak WCW garbage match breaks out. No blood, cookie sheets as weapons, you know the routine. Tokyo Magnum gets involved too, of course. Alex Wrights gets hit by Tokyo by accident and walks. Tokyo follows. Disco is alone with Public Enemy and they set up a table spot which literally takes 10 minutes and involves putting Disco through three tables. Would have been nicer had Disco not had to lie around for 10 minutes. Tokyo runs in and tries to break up the pin but misses and the pin is academic. *1/2

 

- Raven v. Saturn v. Kanyon. Lodi does his Bob Dylan impression. Kanyon and Saturn do TOTAL ELIMINATION! Whoa! Saturn and Kanyon do some nice spots and then break up the pin on Raven when the other goes for it. Crowd is pretty dead. They fight onto the rampway (which is painted to look like asphalt) and Tony acts like it really is asphalt. They do some more weak brawling spots. They work in the triple sleeper spot, of course. Raven and Kanyon brawl outside and Kanyon climbs the scaffolding but misses the splash. Lodi and Boulder get involved and in the chaos Saturn hits the DVD on Raven for the win. Had the spots but not much else. **

 

- Psicosis v. Rey Mysterio Jr. Winner gets a title shot. Okay, this could be good. The alcohol is also kicking in at this point so I'm not really in a clear state of mind. Really slow start. This is the equivalent of Meng-Barbarian for these guys with lots of stalling and playing to the crowd. HSB stages a match between my STOMP Steve Austin figure and Megatron (Beast Wars version) to stave off boredom. Austin whoops Megatron's ass. This match is SO FUCKING BORING. Finally Rey makes a comeback and hits a couple of nice highspots. New move: Corkscrew Rockerdropper. Rey with the springboard rana and drives Psicosis' head right into the mat. Ugly. Rey gets the win. *1/2

 

- TV title match: Stevie Ray v. Chavo Guerrero Jr. White bikers raising the roof is a scary sight. Chavo is nuts, we get it. Chavo runs around the ring for a few minutes, then gets caught with a Slapjack about two minutes in for the pin. DUD. Stevie tries to beat him up more and Eddy makes the save. What a fucking waste.

 

- Rick Steiner v. Scott Steiner. No, JJ is out to let Rick know that the match won't take place because Scott is injured. Buff wheels Scott out on a gurney with a few casts and an oxygen mask. JJ announces a hidden clause in the contract that states they will have to wrestle at Fall Brawl. Crowd chants "bullshit". So do we.

 

- Bryan Adams v. Steve McMichaels. If Juvy-Jericho isn't **** at least, then this is the single worst PPV ever. This was so bad it was getting into comedy match territory, including the worst ref bump in history. Mongo with the shitty piledriver for the pin. -**** This rating was based on HSB picking a number between 1 and 5 and adding a negative.

 

- Cruiserweight title match: Chris Jericho v. Juvy Guerrera. This the make-or-break match for this show: If this is less than ****, this makes worst PPV ever. Jericho is in samurai dress, which may or may not be a good sign. Jericho seriously pisses off the bikers by making reference to Honda. Juvy with some pretty decent spots in the earlygoing. Ladies and gentlemen, this ain't ****. Lots of resting and stalling. Jericho misses the Lionsault and Juvy mounts the comeback. Jericho with a double-powerbomb. That was cool. More stalling. Juvy driver for two. Jericho crotches Juvy on the 450 attempt. Superplex for two. Rana into Liontamer but Juvy's in the ropes. Jericho and Malenko argue. Juvy goes after Jericho but pokes Deano in the eyes by mistake. Jericho nails him with the belt for two. Jericho ends up on the top rope and kicks Malenko in the head, so Malenko alley-oops Juvy to the top rope for the frankensteiner and the pin. Malenko decks Jericho after the match, which will probably be the overturning decision. ***

 

- Let the bullshit begin!

 

- nWo battle royale: HSB says hi to Memery. So does the rest of the CMA. They're all drunker than Scott Hall anyway. Participants for the nWo Hollywood: Scott "Last Call" Hall, The Giant, Curt Hennig, Scott Norton. Scott takes a little survey. Participants for the Wolfpac: Kevin Nash, Sting, Lex Luger and Gonnad. Participants for Goldberg: Goldberg. Scott Hall gets dumped by Goldberg and Nash puts himself out to follow and beat him up. More kicking and punching follows in the ring as the crowd chants for Goldberg. Goldberg spears and dumps Konnan. Hennig almost eliminates Goldberg. Wouldn't Hennig make a good corporate champion? Goldberg dumps Hennig, then Norton and Sting, then Luger. But Giant chokeslams him and he does a zombie situp. Spear, jackhammer, pin. So Goldberg just got put over every major contender in WCW in ONE FUCKING MATCH???? *1/2

 

- Oh god please end this show now.

 

- I've had four hard lemonades and I'm still far too sober to be watching this bullshit. I start working on a fifth as we head to the alleged main event.

 

- Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff v. DDP & Jay Leno. We have roughly 15 minutes of airtime left so hopefully this won't be too painful. Oh, who am I kidding? Team Leno uses the Tonight Show music. I can't believe they're actually going through with this. Bischoff has those, ahem, cool pants and boots like he had at Starrcade 97. DDP and Hogan start. Hogan bails and gets beat up by Kevin Eubanks. Yeah, right. I need more to drink. Hogan does his cheap heel moves (back scratch, choke, etc). DDP actually sells Eric's shitty kicks. Leno in. Bischoff runs in fear and tags Hogan. Now Hogan is the "legendary" Hollywood Hogan. Leno makes fun of Hogan's hairline. DDP back in. DDP works on the arm and Leno in with a full amrdrag and twist. Double clothesline. DDP plays Ricky Morton. Hogan pops DDP with an international object and Bischoff gets a two count. Then, finally, the hot tag to Leno and it's the exciting Leno-Bischoff confrontation. Leno with a lowblow and a pair of weak rights. Leno is trying, I'll give him that. Chaos ensues and Eubanks hits a Diamond Cutter on Bischoff, and Leno gets the pin. Well, it was better than last month's show. 3/4*

 

- An nWo beatdown ensues until Goldberg makes the save. The Jew World Order celebrates to end the show.

 

The Bottom Line:

 

I'm not one to throw around lines like "The Worst PPV ever" but I think this was it. Nothing redeeming whatsoever. Maybe the CW title was watchable, but the rest was total shit.

 

Hey, fuck you WCW."

[Guest goodhelmet]

i stand corrected but oops... i did make this statement...

 

"at the very least, he pick and pulled various lines from SK's different rants and incorporated them into this one."

 

How many times have we heard SK state "that's X amount of minutes I'll never get back again" or "no match. no rating" or whatever SKism you decided to use. so you gave more play by play.. big deal! the point is that you use the same format, same writing style, and have zero originality going for you in your rants.

 

also, I beg of you... use the fucking spell check!!!! and it is Sturgis, not stergis.

[Guest Retro Rob]

eh, the sad thing is i didn't say anything negative to the guy. if i really wanted to dissect his rant i could have goe line by line. luckily, i have peeps like you rob who i don't have to dissect!!! i can just read and enjoy!

 

People you can just read like me? Actually, I have no idea how I'd do recapping a Pay Per View or even a Raw or Smackdown. Writing PBP just makes me fear ever trying.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

Thanks Will.

 

As for the PBP, it's not really that bad if you use my method. I usually will do only one or two matches per sitting. Honestly, I would go insane reviewing a three hour show in one shot, so I break the show down by the hour or half hour, whatever it may be. It really helps to keep me interested in the show and in writing the review.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

WOW!I used TWO Scott Kieth quotes in a whole review! Wheres me award? Anyway, How many different wys of writing reviews/ranta are there anyway mr. genius? You want me to write it in French? Or maybe everyone is sick of star ratings (which everyone does). and if i did more PBP how is that like SK anyway? He usually rambles 3/4 of a match and gives minor notes here and there. I admit I got th "X" amount of minutes thing from him cause it sounds funny and it wa true for that match.

[Guest bob_barron]

Funny how you never responded to is comments on you not being able to spell, especially after looking at your last post.

[Guest bob_barron]

BTW-

 

My only complaint was that you knew nothing about the tape you were reviewing-

 

Lines like-

Did I miss something in 1998 or what?

 

WHAT DID I MISS!!?!

 

Jesus, I spent too much time watching WWF in 1998, cause I have NO Clue about anything going on on this PPV.

 

Chavo has on some of Dan Malenko's ring attire. OK I Am completely lost on this subject.

 

Juvi just lost his mask I'm guessing just recently.

 

Umm he lost in February.

 

I mean- do some background info before your review so you know what's going on.

 

I didn't remember anything going on in WCW around this time so it would've been nice had you refreshed my memory or something

[Guest goodhelmet]

WOW!I used TWO Scott Kieth quotes in a whole review! Wheres me award? Anyway, How many different wys of writing reviews/ranta are there anyway mr. genius? You want me to write it in French? Or maybe everyone is sick of star ratings (which everyone does). and if i did more PBP how is that like SK anyway? He usually rambles 3/4 of a match and gives minor notes here and there. I admit I got th "X" amount of minutes thing from him cause it sounds funny and it wa true for that match.

 

and if you admit you know nothing about the timeframe or matches you are reviewing then why should i take your word? i think bob adequately covered those examples.

 

once again... be a contender, not a pretender.

dude, do you really want me to dissect your rant??? do you? after wednesday, i would be more than happy to. once again, if you would have read my post, i admitted you used more play by play. and once again... big fucking deal!!!

 

as for using SKisms, should you really use any at all? plus, those were the two most glaring examples. i am sure here are more. once again, you are void of creativity.

 

as for different rant structures, whether you read them or not, there are at least 5 writers at tsm (dr. tom, jhawk, rob, mark goodhart, dames) who have unique structures to their rants. hell, even if you look at writers from the smarks, you can tell the difference between baisden and SK. is poor spelling and bad grammar your way of being original? once again, you are void of creativity.

 

as for star ratings, there are dozens of ways to get across whether a match is worth a shit. i've never sean dean rasmussen use a star rating scale but i know when dean likes a match. dr. tom uses a number scale. rob uses a combo of stars and segment checks. dames, jhawk and goodhart go as far as explaining why they liked or disliked a particular match, star ratings or not. throwing blanket statements about how good a match was without explaining why does nothing for the reader. you said some of the matches were good but nothing in your review explains how or why they were good. oh wait, that takes critical thinking skills.

 

once again, what distinguishes your rant from the other hundreds of rants on the net? nothing... except for the lack of a spell check.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Seriously, yo. I can tell our writers apart from SK very well, and Baisden also.

 

SK = Doesn't really get all that hyper-sounding.

JB = You can FEEL his writing.

 

PS (Patrick Spoon) = Isn't very informative, but hilarious.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Incandenza]

Feh. JB's okay, but sometimes he reads like he's auditioning for DVDVR.

[Guest goodhelmet]

fair enough, fellas. my main point is that whether you like their style or not, you can distinguish their work from hundreds of others. you can't say that about many writers and nwoscorp's rants aren't very inspiring.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

The reason for non-spell checks is because when I did this rant, the program i used for spelling/grammer errors won't load, plus the e-mail spell check option wasn't available to me because I didn't have internet connection. And why should I explain myself to YOU? You do a rant and see if youi don't mimick ANYONE who does rants.

 

By the way, is it me, or are you the first person to EVER say I copy Scott Kieth? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember anyone saying "Hey, stop talking like SK, because I'm a dumb guy who has no life because I study everyone's reviews".

[Guest MrRant]

The reason for non-spell checks is because when I did this rant, the program i used for spelling/grammer errors won't load, plus the e-mail spell check option wasn't available to me because I didn't have internet connection. And why should I explain myself to YOU? You do a rant and see if youi don't mimick ANYONE who does rants.

 

By the way, is it me, or are you the first person to EVER say I copy Scott Kieth? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember anyone saying "Hey, stop talking like SK, because I'm a dumb guy who has no life because I study everyone's reviews".

Grow some balls... put some hair on your chest and learn to become a man and stand up to critizism.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Sigh, from another thread...

 

Rant = A review with heavy opinion, cynicism, humor, and extraneous commentary.

 

Review = simply giving a synopsis with ratings, which is what 95% of internet event reports are.

 

You write reviews, not rants.

 

And you telling people who are offering constructive criticism sounds like WWE telling net writers to shut up because they've never worked for the company or wrestled in any capacity.

 

And GH was the content manager for TSM since its inception until recently, so he's a fairly good authority on what's good and what isn't.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Retro Rob]

way, is it me, or are you the first person to EVER say I copy Scott Kieth? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember anyone saying "Hey, stop talking like SK, because I'm a dumb guy who has no life because I study everyone's reviews".

I do. Actually I think I have said to you quite a while ago. I also said before GH did, therefore people besides GH have said that to you.

 

Anyhow, you know you are reading Basiden when you see "HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT" every 10 lines.