Ross Report

[Guest Sandman9000]

I'm not in a good mood, for some reason, I dunno why. I feel like taking it out on JR. Remember, his statements are in italics, what he is actually thinking is in normal font.

 

Ross Report -- Nov. 15, 2002

Greetings from under the black 200X Resistol hat while still smarting from the Oklahoma Sooners' first loss of the season and preparing to make the short drive down to New York City's Madison Square Garden for Sunday's Survivor Series on pay-per-view.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the erroneous remarks I made Monday night on RAW regarding Veterans Day and the fact that the only flag that should be flying was "Old Glory." I should have known better when the info came my way, but the bottom line is I said it, and I will take responsibility for my mistake.

 

Will I do anything about it? Hell no.

 

Random thoughts and opinion:

 

Survivor Series this Sunday will be the 137th event World Wrestling Entertainment has promoted in the Garden since 1985. The WWE Championship has changed hands 10 times there since 1963, with the last time being, according to our research, at the 1996 Survivor Series when Sycho Sid defeated Shawn Michaels. From 1994 to 1999, the WWE Championship changed hands at Survivor Series six consecutive years! One has to wonder how many champions will survive this Sunday, as several titles are at stake.

 

One also has to wonder how many champions there are left in the company! Seriously, what belts, aside from the HHH Memorial Belt and the Other belt, what is there?

 

The much-anticipated and ballyhooed Elimination Chamber will be unveiled Sunday, and it is very difficult to predict what sort of match the six men who are in it will have. I have seen more drawings and video this week of the Chamber, and I can honestly say the structure itself is amazing. I can't recall seeing anything quite like it. It reportedly weighs 10 tons, and the construction is as sound as can be. It would seem to me that with five other Superstars coming after the World Heavyweight Title, the odds of Triple H retaining the gold would be small. Triple H has not had a great track record at Survivor Series over his career, as he has never won a match at this particular event since debuting in 1996. It certainly will be great for Shawn Michaels, returning to the scene of so many memorable moments, but one has to wonder if he is physically able to get it done in this unique environment come Sunday. For Kane, Chris Jericho, Booker T and Rob Van Dam, Sunday's Survivor Series could be one of the defining moments in their respective careers. All four of these athletes seem to be ready to go to the next level. My wishes are that this match is as good as the hype and that none involved get injured.

 

Hope your ready for the Chamber of Horror folks, electric chair and all. In fact, that is how you eliminate someone, put them in the chair and flip the switch. As for those other four guys, yes, it is a defining moment in their careers: the moment they are buried once and for all.

 

The Brock Lesnar-Big Show match is another high-profile encounter, as Lesnar comes in to MSG to defend his WWE Title suffering from a broken rib.

 

I now wish I had 90 seconds in the office "How long until Brock and Show hit a rest spot?" pool.

 

For those that have suffered from an injury of this type, you know exactly how painful it can be. It is almost impossible to get comfortable in any position, the injury makes it VERY difficult to train, and even deep breaths hurt. Show's enormous size adds additional challenges for the injured champion. This very situation is one of the many reasons we like to recruit and sign amateur wrestlers, because even though Brock is hurting, he has never complained and is looking forward to Sunday's co-main event. Amateur wrestlers are simply tougher than most folks who get in this business, as a rule.

 

Not like it'd do him any good to complain. Even if he was healthy, we still intend to take the belt off him and put it on The Next Big Piece Of Shit.

 

Lots of anticipation for the three-team elimination match for the WWE Tag Team Titles, featuring Edge & Rey Mysterio defending against the Guerreros and Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle. I can't see how this contest can be anything but outstanding, and it is very difficult to pick a winner going into this one.

 

So, instead of picking a winner, we'll just have a draw or something.

 

The hardcore rules Women's Title bout is one that I am looking forward to as well, as Trish Stratus defends the title against the rapidly developing Victoria. I have a feeling that these two ladies will raise the bar in WWE women's wrestling come Sunday in NYC.

 

It would be even better if either woman could brawl or bump. Trish will do anything we ask/tell her to do, maybe we should break out the lightbulbs...

 

Other bouts that have a great opportunity to be very good including the six-man tables match and the Cruiserweight Title contest.

 

The six blah and the cruiserblah match. We all know where out bread and butter is.

 

All in all, it certainly looks like this year's Survivor Series has the chance to be one of our better pay-per-view efforts of the year. The lineup certainly looks solid on paper, and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, I think this is going to be a super event.

 

Of course, communism also looked solid on paper too. You won't hear me mentioning how this could also be the event that puts another nail in our coffin.

 

"Production kill" seats for Survivor Series were released today and are available, I'm told, at the Garden Box Office and Ticketmaster.

 

BY production kill, we mean the seats that the production team members take when they decide they can take no more and try to kill themselves. No one leaves the WWE that way unless we want them too.

 

WWE has live events Saturday, with the RAW crew in Reading, Pa., and the SmackDown! talent in Baltimore. Both events start at 5 p.m. I am not a big proponent of live events the night before a pay-per-view and will be keeping my fingers crossed that we don't get anyone injured.

 

Yet, we have Brock booked to take 20 shots to the ribs from a steel pipe. Just consider it hazing.

 

Did you catch the subtle little "digs" yours truly received from our SmackDown! announce team, who gleefully pointed out that Ohio State was the No. 1 BCS college football team in the country, not my Sooners? Very funny considering that Nebraska and Syracuse are their teams of choice and neither are having what could be considered a stellar football season.

 

Mental note: Next time Cole does that, release gay porn video of him and Rob Feinstein to the internet.

 

(For the record, this was all done in fun so please don't make federal case out of it in the spirit of the "vaunted" RAW/SmackDown! rivalry.)

 

That'll teach them to fuck with "Good 'Ol" J.R.

 

Kurt Angle and his wife, Karen, are expecting their first baby, a little girl, who should be joining them before Thanksgiving. I hope the baby has Karen's looks, especially her ears! Our congratulations in advance to the Angles, who are a great couple and I'm sure will make wonderful parents.

 

And to show our appreciation, Kurt has been booked on a three-month overseas tour, taking off around, oh, November 24th.

 

The RAW crew heads to India Tuesday evening for three live events, beginning on Thursday in Delhi, followed by Friday in Mumbai and Saturday in Bangalore. They will return to the U.S. on Sunday, Nov. 24, and then travel from NYC to Charleston, S.C., for RAW on Monday, Nov. 25. Not quite sure what to expect from these events regarding facilities and attendance, but the local promoters think that the RAW group will draw some significant crowds.

 

And if Dhalsim of Street Fighter isn't there, I'll be very, very pissed, and someone *coughRVDcough* will have to feel my wrath.

 

We have verbally agreed to contractual terms with prospect Nathan Jones, a 6-foot-10, 300-pound Australian, who was a winner of ESPN's World's Strongest Man competition a few years back. Unless something unforeseen occurs, Nathan will officially start with us in mid-December.

 

You know, something unforseen, like a quad tearing. But, hey, if there is one thing I can find, it's men over 6'4" and 275 pounds. My penis leads me to them.

 

Gail Kim, from Toronto, will hopefully start with WWE in early December also. She is physically ready to go, and we are in the process of handling her visa issues. Gail has been wrestling for two to three years now and will be a welcome addition to our roster. I think our Talent Relations Department has done a good job in signing quality female talents to our rosters, and we are actively looking for more.

 

i.e. we feel that more boobs on television should increase ratings.

 

I'm still waiting to see who RAW gets in the Big Show trade.

 

Right now, by getting no one, it's been a fair trade. If they do get anyone, it will be even better for RAW.

 

Lots of upcoming media for Hulk Hogan's book, which is available Tuesday from Simon & Schuster.

 

It's too bad Hulk couldn't come back and put over everyone in the company. We might have promoted his book that way. Velocity has a surprisingly large audience, since that's where Hulk would have been wrestling.

 

This is many of our talents' favorite time of the year, as they will be working a lighter schedule with the holidays approaching. December's house shows (non-televised events) will end on Dec. 14, and the final TV tapings for the year will be in Oklahoma City on Saturday, Dec. 21, which will be our RAW broadcast for Dec. 23, and in Tulsa, Okla., on Sunday, Dec. 22, which is SmackDown! for Dec. 26. Talent returns to work on Jan. 2, with live SmackDown! from Albuquerque, N.M., and a RAW live event that night in Honolulu. I am personally looking forward to this much-needed break to attend whatever bowl game in which Oklahoma plays.

 

Of course, Oklahoma will be playing in some crap-ass bowl and I'll have to take my anger out on RVD again.

 

Whoops. Forgot to cough. Ah well.

 

For the record, our December pay-per-view, Armageddon, will be in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., on Sunday, Dec. 15.

 

Please, somebody, anybody, show up to the show.

 

No word on where Scott Steiner will hang his hat, whether it be RAW or SmackDown!, but we will hear from the former Michigan All-American Saturday night on Confidential on the new TNN. Also, if you missed "Super Tuesday," it will be re-broadcast Saturday night, also on the new TNN, at 9/8 CT, giving WWE a three-hour block of programming the night before Survivor Series.

 

Most likely Smackdown, since we can edit out Steiner's roid rage profanity and his enivitable head explosion with the tape delay.

 

Chris Nowinski will be the subject of an ESPN College Gameday feature Saturday sometime prior to noon ET. Several individuals, including Ric Flair, Jerry Lawler and yours truly, were interviewed in Cincinnati on Monday.

 

They better not make me look bad. If they do, I've got my hit squad outside of RVD's house.

 

No decision has been made on whether WWE will offer a contract to Ernest Miller; however, his tryout was solid, in my view. Perhaps after the first of the year we will be seeing more of this charismatic athlete. By the way, if Ernest makes it here, he will make it because of his ability, not who he knows, as has been reported elsewhere on the Internet.

 

We just have to find Ernest's ability. Sure, he can talk, but that means less mic time for HHH, and that is unaceptable.

 

Chris Kanyon looked good at the TV events this week, and will probably be back on SmackDown! (I assume) around the first of the year.

 

Notice how I didn't say what year. Mmmma ha ha.

 

It looks as if several talents who are currently competing in OVW will be provided opportunities to be part of RAW or SmackDown! very soon. In my view, several are ready to go and can contribute immediately.

 

We have talent left in OVW that hasn't been buried? Damn. Better fix that.

 

I swear the Tough Enough 3 group needs a live-in psychiatrist. What a complex group! The show, which airs on Thursday night on MTV, is getting very interesting. I have said all along that there are several male talents who have a good chance in making it to our developmental program, but I am not so sure about the females in this group.

 

Why in the hell did that get rid of that 6'10" guy? I swear, he could draw us millions, and Snow has to cut him! Note to self: Have Snow killed. And RVD.

 

We will be looking at the first design of our new cookbook next week over at the Simon & Schuster headquarters in NYC. It's still scheduled to be on shelves in May 2003.

 

I'm sure that like the other cookbooks, the book itself will be tastier then any of the recipies inside.

 

The BBQ sauce project is progressing, and we are attempting to get the taste just right with our partners in Toronto. As you would imagine, I am VERY particular with these taste issues and do not want my image on a product unless it is perfect in every way for those who choose to try it. We will get there, hopefully, within the next few weeks.

 

Seriously, is this fucking sauce ever going to be released? He's been working on this before the WWE even had a website!

 

Injury update:

 

As reported, Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and will gut it out Sunday at Survivor Series. Depending on how he comes out of that match, Brock will probably need some time off to heal from this nagging and painful injury.

 

Which means he'll have to give up the belt. Sucker.

 

Ivory had several stitches in her top lip Monday.

 

Bitch will never talk back to me again.

 

Big Show, who got worn out by Lesnar's steel chair assault on SmackDown!, cut his arm when thrown into the steps, but X-rays were negative for a fracture.

 

Not even fate can stop the Big Show from getting the not-HHH Memorial Belt.

 

Shawn Michaels has been having a problem with his right knee and was examined by Dr. Jim Andrews on Tuesday. It was determined that it was an old injury and exercises were prescribed to strengthen the knee.

 

And exactly why are we worried about his knee, when it's his back that could cripple the man?

 

The Big Boss Man tore his rotator cuff recently in OVW and had surgery Thursday to repair the damage.

 

Big los there.

 

Rey Mysterio will be getting knee surgery on Dec. 5 in Birmingham. Rey has been working with the injury, and my hope is that he is not injured any worse between now and his surgery.

 

Note to self: Hire person who attacked Nancy Kerrigan.

 

Mark Henry's 'scope of his ankle last week was successful and he is expected to return to action in four to six weeks.

 

Provided Henry doesn't gnaw his ankle off in the meantime.

 

Billy Gunn is still suffering some numbness in his hand while regaining some strength in his shoulder. Billy returns to Dr. Andrews in early December for another examination.

 

I told Billy to stop doing "the stranger," but he doesn't listen, goddammit!

 

Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible butted heads Monday night, but both are OK.

 

Hell, in ECW, that's called a transition spot, so they both better be fine.

 

All other injured talents seem to be progressing well, according to their individual doctors' information. Several talents who have been on the injured list are about to be released from doctors' care, which should really help both rosters.

 

Back to making sure even more people don't outstep their boundaries.

 

My Sooners travel to Waco, Texas, on Saturday to play the Baylor Bears and to hopefully get back on the winning track, and they certainly should. Three losses in three years is not a bad record, and this coaching staff -- the best in America, in my view -- will get these athletes ready to play and to get right back on a roll. We can still accomplish great things with four more wins and losses for both Miami and Ohio State.

 

Note to self: Have that hit squad "visit" Miamt and Ohio State once they are done with RVD.

 

I hope you check out Survivor Series this Sunday on pay-per-view from the sold-out Madison Square Garden. I don't think you will be disappointed, as I expect Sunday night to be a memorable one for WWE.

 

Memorable for all the wrong reasons. Tune in for the riot alone.

 

Take care ...

 

You little smart shitheads.

 

J.R. (BOOMER SOONER!)

 

Fuck off. I need a nap.

 

 

 

 

 

Rip it a new one. I don't care.

[Guest saturnmark4life]

that was funny, & i like venting at Jr as much as the next guy, but HOW THE HELL DO SOME PEOPLE MAKE POSTS 1000000000 LINES LONG WITHOUT BLOWING THEIR FUCKING BRAINS OUT???????

[Guest dreamer420]

on the rag today or what?

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

I swear the Tough Enough 3 group needs a live-in psychiatrist. What a complex group! The show, which airs on Thursday night on MTV, is getting very interesting. I have said all along that there are several male talents who have a good chance in making it to our developmental program, but I am not so sure about the females in this group.

 

Why in the hell did that get rid of that 6'10" guy? I swear, he could draw us millions, and Snow has to cut him! Note to self: Have Snow killed. And RVD.

 

I wonder if they read anything from this site. If so, they need to keep up the TE quality so my recaps can continue to be as entertaining as they've been.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest alfdogg]

And if Dhalsim of Street Fighter isn't there, I'll be very, very pissed, and someone *coughRVDcough* will have to feel my wrath.

 

*dies laughing*

[Guest Incandenza]

Ivory had several stitches in her top lip Monday.

 

Bitch will never talk back to me again.

 

I enjoyed that.

[Guest pinnacleofallthingsmanly]

You broke character a few times.