How about a nice clean shave..

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

The Scent of a Nacho Man

 

What could be more American than processed cheese? Joey Green has the answer — shaving with Cheez Whiz.

 

"The oils in Cheez Whiz lubricate the skin and give you a remarkably smooth shave," he says.

 

Of course, the Cheez Whiz comes with a built-in after-shave that's sure to impress any nacho-loving woman. And if you're looking for a complete change of pace, consider shaving with peanut butter, Cool Whip or Pam Cooking Spray.

 

In Green's Amazing Kitchen Cures, he documents how that salt-laden, nitrate-packed lunchmeat SPAM can be used as furniture polish, along with dozens of other weird, alternative uses for brand-name products.

 

You can polish your furniture with pantyhose, clean your toilet with Tang, and fashion insect repellant using Bounce fabric-softener sheets.

 

"America has a love affair with consumer products. It's an endless fascination," says Green. "You may never use products in your closet in an unconventional way. But you may be trapped on a desert island or locked in your basement."

 

Green, a former advertising copywriter, began investigating alternative product uses when he worked on a promotion for Nestea.

 

"One guy said he used to get bad sunburns sailing and he'd soothe himself by soaking in a tub of instant tea," Green says. "Now that's taking a whole new meaning to a Nestea plunge."

 

But his advertising team soon found that the tannic acid in tea does have some benefits for sunburn sufferers. After consulting hundreds of companies, here are a few of his findings:

 

  Jell-O Hair Mousse: Smear a little Jell-O on your comb and watch what happens. Styling gel and gelatin aren't all that different. So when that big interview comes along, open the fridge. Whipped cream is optional.

 

  Adolph's Bee Sting Tenderizer: When a bee or wasp attacks, use Adolph's Meat Tenderizer. The enzymes in Adolph's meat tenderizer break down the proteins in the venom.

 

  Aunt Jemima's Sore Throat Remedy: Two teaspoons of Aunt Jemima's syrup supposedly soothes an irritated throat.

 

  Campbell's Tomato Skunk Cure: When you're menaced by a skunk, dump two 1-quart tomato juice cans into a bucket and sponge yourself vigorously. The acids from the tomatoes neutralizes the skunk smell.

 

  Kraft Mayonnaise Lice Killer: Smear a little mayo on those critters in your scalp. Wrap your hair in Saran Wrap, and wait two hours. If the lice don't leave you, at least you're ready for lunch.

 

No, I think I'll pass and stick with my Edge shave gel..

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Coca cola's a good all-purpose cleaner, too, so I hear. It can even be used to remove rust.

[Guest crandamaniac]

I heard somewhere you can shave with chocolate syrup. Whether or not thats true or not, I dunno

[Guest Choken One]

I will reveal that Pepsi is an AWESOME carpet cleaner....

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Coca cola's a good all-purpose cleaner, too, so I hear. It can even be used to remove rust.

This is true. It also helps the sharpness of your skates, although it will make them much more brittle, I believe. Something along those lines.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Coke removes oil stains from the driveway.

 

Remember Kramer shaved with Butter on Seinfeld.

[Guest razazteca]

an old Mexican cure all for nervousness EAT SUGER

 

hunger pains? drink coffee!

 

Hair Spray + Lighter = blow torch

[Guest crandamaniac]

Hair Spray + Lighter = blow torch

If you do this, make sure you extingush the flame before you stop spraying. If you don't, the flame will go inside the can and explode. It's true, happened to a guy I know. His chest looks like chocolate pudding cuz of the burns

[Guest razazteca]

damn you backyard rastlers really know how to hurt yourselves.

 

Seriously fire is bad hmmmmmkay

[Guest Flyboy]

Robitussin works quite well for broken bones as well.

[Guest crandamaniac]

Robitussin works quite well for broken bones as well.

I don't know why, but this post made me think of that Chris Rock skit.

 

Kid: Dad, I got a cold

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: Dad, I got a broke arm

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: I got cancer

Dad: Robitussin! And if their's nothing in the bottle, fill up with water and you got more Tussin!

[Guest Razor Roman]

Robitussin works quite well for broken bones as well.

I don't know why, but this post made me think of that Chris Rock skit.

 

Kid: Dad, I got a cold

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: Dad, I got a broke arm

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: I got cancer

Dad: Robitussin! And if their's nothing in the bottle, fill up with water and you got more Tussin!

Don't forget to pour a lot of tussin' on it and let it soak into the bone!

[Guest NoCalMike]

I have a bottle of insanity hot sauce and it says it can take grease stains off the driveway.

[Guest Choken One]

That is true...most of the time...Weather permitting.

[Guest Flyboy]

Robitussin works quite well for broken bones as well.

I don't know why, but this post made me think of that Chris Rock skit.

 

Kid: Dad, I got a cold

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: Dad, I got a broke arm

Dad: Robitussin!

Kid: I got cancer

Dad: Robitussin! And if their's nothing in the bottle, fill up with water and you got more Tussin!

That's where I got it from.