The Ross Report

[Guest Sandman9000]

He just won't admit it.

 

Once again, what he wrote is in italics, what he means is in that there normal font thingy.

 

 

 

Greetings from under the black 200x Resistol hat while heading to my home state of Oklahoma for two WWE “on sale” promotions and the Sooners football game Saturday night in Norman.

 

I'll give you three bucks as to which event will draw more people. Hint: It ain't the one with the tickets that are going on sale...

 

 

Random Thoughts and Opinion:

 

Of course, by thought I mean statements, and by opinion, I mean facts.

 

I enjoyed the RAW broadcast Monday night, live from Harbor Yard. Another improved show as we continue to make slow, albeit positive, strides in improving our flagship TV property. I maintain that this will be a slower process than many of us, our fans, and certainly our critics will like but that’s generally the nature of any re-building process. Our goal Monday is to improve over last Monday’s show – it’s that simple. That’s our challenge and I feel we are all up to it.

 

Of course, if we wanted to improve last weeks show, we would just have to show actual wrestling. However, I believe that was last week was missing was a healthy dose of HHH. We'll make up for it this week.

 

Survivor Series was a solid show and seemed to be well received by most. Elimination Chamber delivered. How Triple H made it through the entire match after being injured is amazing. Lots of guts.

 

It does take lots of guts to lay around on a mat and do nothing. By that same token, Kevin Nash shows an incredible amount of backbone every time he steps into the ring.

 

SmackDown! aired very solidly, thanks in large part to the great work of the WWE TV department who work unbelievable hours to make this show as perfect as possible.

 

Now if they could just make the Big Show look talented.

 

Brock Lesnar’s slow evolution to becoming a fan favorite seems to be working. Over time, Lesnar should develop quite a following. He will be worked a little less over the next few weeks to allow his broken rib to heal a little faster.

 

By working a little less, he'll only have to lift a 500 pound man two times a night, instead of three or four.

 

Edge seems to have taken another positive step in his on-going development. I see a ton of untapped potential here with this young Canadian. His growth reminds me somewhat of the great Bret Hart, back in the day.

 

I wonder, if we tap his potential, will it taste like syrup? And can we make "Dork!" into a marketable catchphrase?

 

Rob Van Dam must really be looking forward to his 1st ever match with Shawn Michaels this Monday live on RAW from North Charleston, SC. RVD may appear to be laid back, but my instincts say he is very excited about this opportunity. I’m really curious to see how this one plays out.

 

C'mon, even my dead grandmother knows that HHH will do a run-in! Who the hell do I think I'm kidding? Even the computer here is laughing at me!

 

Great promo by Booker T on RAW referring to being “overlooked” and “not noticed.” Sounds like art imitating life to me, but of course, I could be wrong. Booker T is a main event level talent.

 

He may be a main event level talent, but we still believe that he is best suited for the mid-card at this point. We just don't believe he is working that WWE Main-Event style© yet.

 

Good to see the Dudleys back together again. Seems to have lit a fire under all the “siblings,” especially D-Von. Hope the Dudleyville residents add a spark to the tag team scene on RAW. That’s what I’m expecting.

 

Two weeks until they dump Spike, month and a half before they break up, depdning on whether or not they break Beulah's neck in the meantime.

 

Valbowski is a welcome addition to RAW. This Toronto native can certainly verbalize and is a helluva in-ring talent who has been under utilized in my view. If Valbowski is aligned with Bischoff, I can see some interesting days ahead. I’m anxious to see where this goes Monday.

 

And I'm anxious to see how well he'll wrestle on Heat.

 

Several months ago, I spoke of the tag team potential of the Guerreros when Chavo was barely appearing on SmackDown! Today, Eddie & Chavo are as good as any team in WWE. Watch these two continue to evolve and add more than moves to their arsenal. I could watch them every day.

 

And I do watch them every day! Someone has to take care of my lawn and garden, and I'm sure as hell not gonna waste one of my precious hosses on such a task.

 

Speaking of teams, Jericho and Christian continue to get better and better, too, but the team that may have the most legs long term is Regal and Storm. I would not be surprised to see Regal and Citizen Storm wearing tag team gold someday. They have great chemistry.

 

Citizen Storm? What kind of name is that? Mental note: Have that name placed on the back of Storm's trunks. It'll get him over huge? Mental Note: Break up Jericho and Christian.

 

Now would be a great time for some young talents on RAW or SmackDown! to turn heads. The field is wide open for all the much sought after “top spots”. These young talents should strive to make every match a damn good one with great execution and physical story telling. It’s easy to throw water on this concept buy those who follow the business on the “outside” and perhaps by some talents themselves. Bottom line, as I see it, is that during any rebuilding period, and I’ve seen plenty of them, the powers that be are desperately looking for the next “star” or main event level talent. Through hard and effective work at live events, and TVs, plus coming to work with a few ideas in mind an ambitious talent, increases their chances of getting to the promised land. The glass can’t always be half-empty. There is more opportunity here now than in years. Oops, I almost fell off my soapbox.

 

Top spots. Throwing, or spitting water. Glass. Do I have to make any more hints as to who we are gonna push? Would adding "corpse fucker" help?

 

I admire the dedication and hard work of all our Divas who are all trying to get better at executing in the ring. Even though some critics like to say that the WWE Divas will never be as physical as the Japanese lady wrestlers, I say so what? With the way the Japanese ladies are trained in their DoJos, I’m not sure this is a fair comparison. I would not trade our roster of female talent for any in the world and I am proud of the match that Trish and Victoria had at Survivor Series. Their gutsy performance and overwhelming work ethic really impressed me and many others in our company. That’s not to say I wouldn’t love to have a Aja Kong or Bull Nakano, in their prime, on our roster but that dog doesn’t hunt anymore.

 

I bet Bull Nakano and Aja Kong couldn't work in a pool of "gravy" as well as Stacy Keibler and Dawn Marie do. That's the future of women's wrestling, right there. Mental Note: Have Jackie Gayda killed.

 

Looks as if Kurt Angle will be getting his knee scoped sometime in December.

 

Due to the losses we incured during the last quarter, we have to make some cutbacks. First to go is the novicane for Angle's surgery, second is the doctor. Kurt can scope his own knee himself with a spoon and butter knife.

 

John Cena and Matt Hardy both have huge upsides as young, abrasive antagonists on SmackDown! Cena’s verbal skills are especially strong for such a young man.

 

I think we can put Rikishi over both of them and get him over huge. He was shot and died, you know. Plus, he's over 300 pounds.

 

Charlie Haas and Red Dog have been turning a few heads recently on the road.

 

If they want to get on RAW, though, they need to start turning my head, if you know what I mean.

 

They realize that every match at this stage of their career, and with the company reloading, is an important one that provides them with that magic word, opportunity. No different this time of the year with football coaches looking for players to make plays.

 

Let's see how they do in three minute matches. That's where all the opportunity is.

 

Entertainer Michael Jackson is obviously a little “unique,” shall we say, but there is no doubt he would fit right in on Tough Enough 3. Every week when I watch TE3 from the comfort of my La-Z-Boy, I am amazed with the diverse personalities still in the house. The story of the house itself is a little “unique”, truth be told. Can you say goofy as a “pet coon?”

 

He sure would fit in with TE3. Michael Jackson as as much wrestling talent as all of them do.

 

All seems to be going well with the RAW talents in India. No major injuries or incidents to report. As I write this on Thursday night, the crew is safely in Mumbai, formerly known as Bombay, preparing for their second event of three before arriving back in the states Sunday.

 

I haven't heard of Dhalsim attending a show. For RVD's sake, he better.

 

Mike Tyson is set to fight again, February 23, in Memphis. I hope this fight comes off as planned, but I’m not holding my breath. Boxing is crazier than our business, but I know Mike needs this payday and a victory to set up another bout with Lenox Lewis. There is really no one else for Lewis to face as boxing does not have an over abundance of heavyweight stars. Sounds familiar. Hey King, get us some primo tickets.

 

And here is the point where I show just how bored I am with wrestling as I turn to a completly different topic which has nothing to do with wrestling whatsoever. I mean, at least wrestling can be honest about it's doings.

 

Brian “Spanky” Kendrick starts on the road this weekend, as does the wrestler formerly known as Guido in ECW.

 

2:1 we "accidentally" leave them on the road. It's just the WWE way!

 

Albert has made significant strides in the past couple of months, but I’m still begging for a name change. I really believe in his potential and feel the former Pittsburgh O-Lineman will be a main eventer someday, hairy back and all.

 

Bah Gawd, with Gawd as mah witness, I will give Albert the motherfucking title before I die. I mean, considering the current champions, would Albert really be so bad? Mental Note: Albert vs. Show on Smackdown.

 

I sent my get well wishes to Steelers QB Tommy Maddox after his recent injury. The former XFL MVP is one helluva great guy and as competitive as anyone I’ve ever met.

 

He would be an even better person had he never played for the XFL. It's too bad that because of that, he's going to Hell now.

 

We had a great meeting with Simon and Schuster on Wednesday to discuss the layout of the cookbook. Also got copies of Hogan and King’s books. Hogan’s book is an easy read and is better than some will probably think. I have enjoyed many parts of it and suggest you try it on for size. King’s book is a “page turner”. I’m reading it this weekend and it is going to be in stores in early December.

 

Hogan book is easy to read because there are only three words on every page, and one of them is "brother." And how the hell can I describe Jerry's book as a "page turner" when all of the pages are st...no, that's way too easy.

 

Fat kids suing McDonald’s for making them obese is as crazy as some “wrestling lawsuits” I have witnessed.

 

They should sue Burger King. They fold like a freaking tent. Mental Note: Sue Burger King.

 

We are close to finalizing our deal with Australian Nathan Jones, 6’10”, 300lbs.

 

On a related story, to open up a roster spot, Tajiri will be going to Australia for "a while." Hee hee hee. It's too bad. Had Tajiri added a little bulk to him, he coulda been a player here in the WWE.

 

And hope to have him join us before the end of the year if possible.

 

I hope to have him under my Christmas tree with a bow, if you know what I mean.

 

It’s hard to believe that the NY Knicks or the defending Eastern Division Champs NJ Nets rarely sell out this season. Most NBA and NHL teams, with a few exceptions, are not drawing as well as their ownership would like. It’s probably their “writers” fault. Or the fact they are not winning. Or those damn all night gas stations opening up and passing out free donuts. (You can tell it’s getting late on this lovely American Airlines flight).

 

You know what, I really could use some free donuts right now. Maybe the Nets should get rid of their wifebeater. I mean, we did, and we're doing all right, right?

 

Come back Steve, I miss you.

 

Early call Friday morning with my first in studio radio performance at 6:30 a.m. Looking forward to lunch, no jokes please, as I have been invited down to Norman to break bread with some of the OU football coaches. Our on sale at the Cox Arena is from 5:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. with the new Worlds Heavyweight Champion, Shawn Michaels for our December 21 RAW taping. I am scheduled to do an interview with TBS Sports during the second half of the Oklahoma-Texas Tech game Saturday night. Kickoff is at 7:00 p.m. EST. Then early Sunday morning it’s a 100 mile drive to Tulsa for a noon-2:00 p.m. on sale at the Convention Center with Lita. From there, I fly to N. Charleston for RAW. Busy days, but I love it!

 

Hey, as long as I can spend a day with a large amount of men over 6'3" and 300 pounds, I am a happy men. Some guys want to go to the Playboy Mansion. Just give me a college football locker room. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

 

Take care.

 

See you in Hell, assholes.

 

JR (Boomer Sooner)

 

Why can't I use BadAss MotherFucker?

 

P.S. – We really need this game!

 

I've got RVD's life at stake.

 

 

 

Rip it apart, you freakish hyenas, you.

[Guest bps "The Truth" 21]

Which game was he talking about?

 

The Sooners game or "The office" HHH?

 

...

 

And I admit nothing.

[Guest creativename]

You know what, I really could use some free donuts right now.  Maybe the Nets should get rid of their wifebeater.  I mean, we did, and we're doing all right, right?

 

 

Now that's some funny fucking shit right there