Guest Kingpk Report post Posted November 25, 2002 I've been reading Bill Simmons' archives on Page 2 of ESPN.com and have realized something.....he is my new personal God. I don't care if this gets closed or whatever, but this guy has 3 things going for him: 1) He's funny 2) He's a New Englander (and a Boston sports fan) 3) He's a wrestling fan So post some of your favorite parts of his columns here. I'll start with a few: 8:20: Whoops! The pilot just turned off the "No Singing Harlots"sign. It's Christina Aguilera, Maya, Lil' Kim and Pink doing their "Moulin Rouge" routine .... gee, I haven't seen this before. What, do they think we don't have MTV? Vooley voo koo shea a vek mee qua ... she qua. There aren't a lot of clothes going on right now. I feel dizzy. What's happening to our society? I'm never having a daughter. 20. If you hail from New York, you can't root for the Yankees and the Mets. You have to choose between them. Repeat: You have to choose between them. Don't give me this "As long as one of them is doing well, at least New York is winning" spiels. What is this, the sports fan's version of bisexuality? How about making a choice? Any New Yorker who said the words "It's the Yankees versus the Mets ... I can't lose!" during the 2000 World Series deserves to be tortured with a cattle prod. Of course, Bourbon Street would be much more fun if these female flashers were actually people you would, um, want to see naked. On Saturday night, I spent most of my energies trying to start "Keep your shirt on! For the love of God, keep your shirt on!" chants. At least five or six times, I felt like Danny Torrance in "The Shining," during the scene when the old naked lady crawled out of the bathtub, and Danny was trembling in fear as spit dropped from my lower lip. That's how Bourbon Street makes you feel when "Show us your boobs!" gets said to the wrong person. Yup, you heard me ... it hasn't been good times at all for the WWF. Vince McMahon and company originally blamed declining TV ratings and attendance figures on a post-Sept. 11 fallout, but that turned out to be an absolute crock. Put it this way: If they hadn't mangled their potential merger with the WCW, if they hadn't turned off older fans with the over-smut, if they hadn't overexposed the product and their characters with two weekly wrestling shows, if they hadn't ruined some of their top characters by changing the plots too often ... well, maybe we could talk about the effects of 9/11. The fact remains, McMahon and company have been running their business into the ground, XFL-style. There isn't a better indicator of this than the fact they're close to bringing back a number of washed-up WCW stars, including the decrepit Hulk Hogan, who hasn't wrestled a good match since I was in college. Instead of building young talent the way they did in the mid-'90s, they're relying on the same tactics that ruined WCW's product -- too many plot twists, too many character changes, and expensive veterans-prima donnas who don't care about advancing younger stars. To paraphrase Bruce Springsteen, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap. And like most fans, I'm a little pissed off about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hardyz1 Report post Posted November 25, 2002 Good ol' Sports Guy. If there's anybody here who was on AOL in 1998, you'll remember when he created an awesome wrestling message board at his AOL area when the Grandstand Wrestling people decided to be dicks and got rid of the individual wrestler boards. Good times. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest starvenger Report post Posted November 25, 2002 Here are a couple of quotes that I previously used in my sig... - On your favourite sports teams: "Sports teams are like family members ... even when you're watching them re-enact outtakes from SNL's "Bad Idea Jeans" commercial, you still have that fundamental need to support them and say things like, "I think this fourth marriage could be the one that works out" and "Hey, seven DWI's in the last eight years isn't that bad, right?" What else can you say? Family is family. And sports teams are family. Even when they keep screwing up." - (kinda) on steel chairs in real sports: "Finally, if Magic Johnson's Basketball Hall of Fame induction doesn't include a sequence where presenter Larry Bird comes out wearing a Lakers jersey, gives a heartfelt speech about Magic, finishes, shakes Magic's hand, steps backward to let Magic bathe in the applause of the crowd, then inexplicably hits Magic over the head with a steel chair as Ernie Johnson Jr. screams, "My God, noooooooooooo!," followed by Bird ripping the Lakers jersey off (revealing a Celtics jersey), then kicking Magic a few times before exiting the stage to raucous applause ... well, I'm not going." btw the Sports Guy is now a staff writer on Jimmy Kimmel's new show, so he's cutting down on the Page 2 columns... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Rabbi_wilson13 Report post Posted November 25, 2002 Sports Guy is awesome. I started reading back when he had the "Is Roger Clemens the Anti-Christ?" on Page 2. His timeline of last year's World Series Game 7 is one of my favorite columns, as well as any Ramblings. Any sports fan who likes pop culture should really read his work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cartman Report post Posted November 26, 2002 I first started reading his stuff back when he was writing for Boston.com's sports page. He was allowed ALOT more freedom and was able to get away with much more stuff than the Disney comnapy lets him. He's still an amazingly funny writer regardless. One of the best, if not THE best. Sad to see him get sucked into the Kimmel show...I have a hard time believeing that it will do any good. As much as I like Kimmel it's just a bad idea I think. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
