Lets say you accidently killed someone

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

Kill them so that it looks like a suicide, MEANING:

[*]Tie them up so that they can't move at all.

[*]Gag them/drug them so that they don't talk

[*]Wear a contamination suit (see above posts for details)

[*]If you decide to use a gun, stand BEHIND the person (crouch down so that the blood doesn't get on you, and make sure they're sitting down on a CHAIR), hold the gun like you normally would, and then reach around and pull the trigger once the barrel is at an angle under their chin to blow out their brain.

[*]If you decide to use razor blades, slit her wrist WEARING LATEX GLOVES SO AS TO NOT LEAVE FINGERPRINTS, and then place the razor in her hands.

[*]Untie her, let the body fall, and then dispose of the contamination suit (I suggest putting the gloves under the sink, say they're for doing dishes, and then put the rest in a NEIGHBOR's trashcan.

[*]Walk into the room, and SCREAM and start crying. Call 911.

YOUR ALIBI: You were out for a walk (it helps to actually GO OUT for a walk before you "come inside and discover the body" so to speak), came back in, and found her dead.

 

OR, if you REALLY want to dispose of the body, dump it in her ex-boyfriend's yard.

[Guest The Metal Maniac]

Problem with the tying people up bit is that if they thrash around too much, then the ropes could leave burns, which could be detected.

 

Also, in slitting someone else's wrist, you have to be extremely careful. You can't just slash away; they'll notice if the cuts don't look right.

 

Personally, I say you might do well to get them extremely drunk, toss 'em in the driver's seat of a car, then shove the car off of something, preferrably something that's guaranteed to kill someone, and try to land them on some rocks or something, in an effort to start a fire in the car or something. More burns = less evidence.

 

If the police come knocking: "We were having a few drinks, but she went overboard. She said she was gonna go for a drive, and I tried to stop her, but I was kinda drunk myself, and she punted me in the nuts and took off."

 

That way, if there's any evidence of contact between you and her, you have a reason.

 

'Course, you have to waste a car and be EXTREMELY careful that you're not seen in the vicinity of the "accident", but I suppose it might work.

[Guest treble charged]

Um, if it's an accident, just tell the cops that.

[Guest The Metal Maniac]

That's no fun.

[Guest Flyboy]

Burn the body, put it in an urn, put it over your fire place.

 

Done.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

Yeah, I'm sure my enemies would just love to know how I dispose of bodies. Just who exactly are you working for there cynical profit?

 

The FBI

 

Federal Bong Inspectors.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

step one - find woodchipper

step two - kill someone

step three - put body in woodchipper

step four - laugh about it

[Guest bob_barron]

place it outside the police station- blame it on the cops!

[Guest Choken One]

Here is a why to make sure ya never get caught...Kill yourself too...Make it the jealous ex bf who killed ya 2.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Here is a why to make sure ya never get caught...Kill yourself too...Make it the jealous ex bf who killed ya 2.

Better yet. Fake your own death and move to the Bahamas.

[Guest cartman]

Kinda like Tupac...

[Guest caboose]

Near where I live back in England, theres a park built on top of an old water pumping station.

You can gain very easy access to the old water ways. I'd dump the body there.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Build a bridge out of 'em!!!!

 

Or burn them.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest the 1inch punch]

Just bury it in an old cemetary. Who'd think to look for a body in a graveyard?

Jingus you are the fucking man

[Guest Choken One]

yeah but nowadays they all have high tech stuff that tell if the ground has been dug up.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Whatever you do, don't chop it up and flush it down the toilet. The pipes aren't made to deal with that kind of workload, and they'll clog up. That's how they caught Dennis Nilsen.

 

If you're planning on a premeditated murder, there's a fairly easy way to do it, as long as it's someone you know fairly well. Take them out to a high bridge, pretend to see something down below, and when they come over to look, pitch them over the side. Stand right next to them, crouch down a bit, and throw them over by the ankle. If they're not expecting it, they won't be able to stop it. As soon as they fall, reach out to try and grab them and scream "Noooooo!" for the sake of any witnesses.

 

As far as a being stuck with a body you didn't expect to have, it wouldn't work everywhere, but I used to live in L.A., and they have this huge system of culverts and trenches to prevent flooding when it rains. You could just hop down in the culvert at night, and stick the body in one of the run off pipes in the side of the concrete. The vermin that live in there will pick at the body until the next rain, when it will be washed out, go through the network of trenches, and eventually to the ocean. If it ever washes to shore, it'll be in pretty bad shape, with no physical traces to you. I know this works cause it was a common soltion to the gang murders around the area. You could smell the bodies in there sometimes. It was just sick.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Grind it up. Seal the remains in some homemade porcelain gnomes. Sell them at the flea market under a pseudonym. Make a profit.

 

Send it to Titan Towers, Attn: Paul Levesque, From Katie Vick, with love.