SJL Metal (12/3 Edition)

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

SJL METAL CARD - December 3rd, 2002

Due Date: ...eh, sometime on Tuesday... preferably Monday night.

Venue: Anaheim Pond, in Anaheim, California!!

Send everything to: TheBostonStrangler

 

Johnny Dangerous' Victory Speech

- Johnny "The Barracuda" Dangerous shares with us some deep thoughts, and reflects on his "not-quite-up-to-par-with-TNT career, and most of all, his glorious, glorious World Title win.

 

DARK MATCH

Blank vs. "The Mountain" Mike Moran

- Mike Moran, some fresh-blood here in the SJL, wishes to help fill out a lacklustre car--... uh, make a name for himself by facing that old skateboarding guy who could possibly be dead, Blank. I don't think Blank's alive, but I needed another match, and this guy really wanted to write, and Crusen said it was ok... so, go at it boys.

Match Description - Standard Match... I'm not gonna just go out and SAY that it'll be a squash match... but ehn... it'll be a squash match, I'm sure.

Word Limit: 3500

Send to: Tod deKindes

 

FIGHT CLUB... FIGHT

Tyler Durden vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

- Spike has done a lot of no-showing lately, AND he hates the movie Fight Club, so his punishment... is THIS, and he BETTER fucking show up. Silent will be writing Tyler's match... so have fun.

Match Description - Well, use your imagination. You COULD have a trippy multiple personality experience as your match, OR just a match going by Fight Club Rules. The main thing here is that the more Fight Club references you jam in there, the better chances you'll have of winning. Oh, and Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas references get extra credit too. Sooo, yeah, there're no real rules to writing this, just let your imagination take control.

Word Limit: 3000

Send to: realitycheck

 

NO-DQ MATCH FOR THE #1 CONTENDERSHIP OF THE EJIROPEAN TITLE

"Insane Luchadore" Andrew Rickmen vs. Janus vs. Arianwyn Rivenstone

- Well, IL both participated in and lost when given a chance at the World Title, via no-show one might add... so he's been sent back down to Euro. Land for a bit in order to regroup. Also, the mysterious and rather... uh, "interesting" Arianwyn Rivenstone has been added into the match, in a possible attempt at getting up to Euro. level fucking FAST. Same goes for the rapidly improving Janus. The No-DQ stip has also been added to let the deranged Arianwyn participate to her fullest, the... >insert exotic adjective here< Janus show a hardcore side, and the high-risk IL go all-out with some crazy shit involving jumping off of stuff.

Match Description - Disqualifications and Count-Outs aren't in effect, but it's not a HARDCORE match, so try to keep it down to just a few chairshots or something, 'kay guys/girls?

Word Limit: 4500

Send to: TheBostonStrangler

 

SINGLES MATCH FOR THE SJL EURO... UM... EJIROPEAN TITLE

Ejiro Fasaki vs. Dace Night

- The once-mediocre Ejiro has been impressing the hell out of people recently, and is being given a chance to prove himself by defending his title against the acclaimed Dace Night, who came THAT close to winning the WORLD title just a few nights ago. Dace winning here wouldn't hurt either, a steady title run could gain this guy a second chance at World Gold in no time.

Match Description - Ejiro's been defending his gold in wacked-out matches a lot recently, so this is just a normal singles match, in order to keep Ejiro sane.

Word Limit: 5000

Send to: Suicide King

 

SUBMISSION CAGE MATCH FOR THE SJL WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP

"Punk Rockstar" Matt Myers vs. Fugue

- Right... Fugue narrowly lost to Dangerous the other night, and... uh... well, since he's been around longer than Dace... and because I thought that it made sense while brainstorming this card, HE gets a shot AT a shot at the World Title. Brilliant. His opponent? Why, the returning [i coaxed him out of retirement before he was gone for longer than like, two weeks... (Y) @ me] former-champ, Matt Myers of course! A win here for Fugue would THRUST him into the Main Event scene [a main event match involving a chance to be in the main event, brilliant]... and a win from Myers... would, um... *runs away* *comes back* Ooh ooh, and I DO believe that there's SOME history between these two, as I myself booked a match between them for the EUROPEAN title a while back, where Matt barely won with his "best match ever, at the time." Will some improvement on Fugue's part and a wacky gimmick change the outcome THIS time?

Match Description - A large steel cage has been set up around the ring... you can choose whether it's a chainlink or a multi-colored faggot steel WWF-style cage, but try to specify which in your match. Both competitors are inside the cage, which is 20-feet tall. There is no door on the cage, and uh... if you leave the cage, you'll be shot, so just don't. Anyhow, only way to win the match is by making your opponent submit INSIDE the cage. Fugue obviously has the advantage here, what with the submitting and whatnot, but the cage gives Matt room for some wicked spots, and some crazy bumping. Sooo... uh, yeah, have a ball with this one, should be either good, or... not so much. Wheee.

Word Limit: 6001~!

Send to: 5_moves_of_doom

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

.

.

.

.

 

.

 

.

.

.

.

.

 

BA-BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!

 

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! WHIRRRRRRR… BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!

 

As the lights in the arena raise, the fans immediately lunge from their seats, cheering ever so loudly, waving their signs and falling over each other like them California drunks always seem to. A quick glance into the crowds reveals many of assorted signs from fans proclaiming their love towards one wrestler or the other.

 

“Welcome to another exciting edition of SJL Metal!” exclaims Axis! “We have one stellar show planned for you folks, but first lets take it to Funyon who is standing by in the ring, ready to make a special announcement!”

 

“This is going to suck.” Says King.

 

“Ladies AND Gentlemen!” booms Funyon over his handy microphone. “Let me be the first to proudly introduce to you…”

 

“The NEW!”

 

“SMARKS!”

 

“JUNIOR LEAGUES! HEEEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRLLLDDD!!!”

 

 

 

 

“JOHNNY DANGEROUS!”

 

No sooner than his name is announced by the sexy female voice, do the crowds launch INTO A TREMENDOUS OVATION! The wordless theme for “Mission Impossible II” sneaks its way in, cranked way up past the normal volume to cut through the cheers as the Smark-Tron flickers to life!

 

“OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! IT’S THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!” quivers Axis!

 

“Johnny Dangerous is here, the brand spanking NEW World Champion has arrived!”

 

On the screen, clips of the Super Spy delivering a Johnny Kick to the chin of Mike Van Siclen is shown, as well as Johnny delivering a Vertebreaker to Fugue, quickly replaced by a clip of a bloodied Johnny Dangerous raising the world title above his head. Not to leave out the spy portion of his game, A clip of Johnny speeding down a raging rapid in a speedboat is shown. The Dangerous One drives it straight off the top of a waterfall, leaps from it and with ONE arm catches the dangling ladder of a helicopter!

 

“That’s quite the daredevil little stunt there!”

 

Two single pyros then fire from the ceiling, blasting down upon the stage below, and exploding in at least half a dozen beautiful colors! With all that done and said, the man of the night steps out onto the stage, highlighted by a single white spotlight that follows him as walks across the stage! Tonight Johnny is dressed in a stylish black tuxedo. Not quite the traditional one, but rather a more sporty tux. All black from neck to toe, with the World Title strung across his shoulder! The gold shines brightly, glistening off the flashing white lights and stunning the crowds into a complete awe!

 

“I must say that belt looks rather stunning on Johnny Dangerous!” says Axis!

 

“He shows no honor to it! Look how carelessly he has it draped across his shoulder! Could you be any more disrespectful?”

 

Just when one would think this celebration couldn’t possibly get any worse… well from a heel’s point of view at least. Above the ring and all the massive lighting equipment, nestled onto the rafters, enough confetti to cover Times Square sets poised to be released, and as Johnny begins to strut down the ramp the confetti begins to pour!

 

“Oh… My… God…” the Suicide King’s mouth drops in utter disgust. “Axis, Tell me this isn’t happening… Axis?” As he looks over towards his commentating cohort, the Suicide King is stunned into disbelief to find Axis prancing around in circles, dropping to the floor and making Snow Angles in the confetti! “Good God, Almighty! Somebody dressed in white and driving a little white truck better get out here with a straight jacket IMMEDIATELY! This boy is to be shunned!”

 

MEANWHILE:

 

In a grisly dark and damp locker room in the back halls of the arena, two figures cloaked in the dark shadows of the room watch the festivities taking place on a small thirty six inch television set. They watch as Johnny Dangerous and the crowds make quite the fools out of themselves, holding their arms out and basking in the confetti pouring down upon them. On the very front row next to the ring, a beautiful busty young blond jumps up and down, crying in excitement as Johnny leans over the railing, grabs her by the back of her head… AND PLANTS A KISS RIGHT ON HER LIPS! The young lady drops to her seat as Johnny releases her, fanning herself and crying while her friends next to her can hardly contain their enthusiasm for her!

 

“What an arrogant little son of a b*tch!” a voice cuts through from one of the shadowy figures.

 

“That’s nothing new for him, my friend.” The other one replies.

 

“Still that title should be mine, and he knows it! Look at him going on like he’s the best thing since sliced bread and eight track tapes! Someone should slap him down off his pedestal!”

 

"You know? I think you're right. And quite frankly, I think we are just the two guys to do just that."

 

“That would be music to my ears.”

 

“Magnificent, simply magnificent.”

 

 

BACK AT RINGSIDE:

 

 

“DAN-GEROUS!”

 

“DAN-GEROUS!”

 

“DAN-GEROUS!”

 

“DAN-GEROUS!”

 

The music has fazed out and after covering the floor from head to toe, the confetti has ceased to fall. The fans stand at their feet, chanting his name until Johnny draws a microphone to his lips and begins to speak as he looks out to the crowds.

 

“Finally… after what seemed like a never ending road, I can actually come out here and say to you all… Mission… accomplished!”

 

“Oh sure.” King sarcastically replies. “All he is accomplishing is pissing me off. Why is he even wasting my precious airtime with this?”

 

The crowds let out another joyous cheer, and Johnny basks in their goodness for a moment before continuing. “Now tonight I have a few things I would like to get off my chest, so allow me a moment to elaborate on them if I may. First off…”

 

 

"HERE WE ARE”

 

“Oh, no…”

 

“... BORN TO BE KINGS... WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE U-NI-VERSSSSSSSSSSSE....."

 

“Thank God! The Magnificent Seven is here to restore some kind of order to this mess.”

 

“What are they doing out here? This is Johnny’s victory speech! You don’t interrupt somebody’s first World Title victory speech.”

 

“First?” King questions with batting eyes.

 

Lighting up once more, the words “Magnificent Seven” dash across the Smarktron as Fugue and Ejiro Fasaki step out onto the stage to a chorus of boos.

 

“CUT THE MUSIC!” demands Fasaki. “CUT THE DAMN MUSIC!”

 

As requested, the Magnificent Seven’s theme is abruptly cut off as the duo heads down the ramp, and quickly slides into the ring. Fugue jumps right up into the World Champions face, staring a hole right through him, while Johnny fails to move an inch. Armed with the microphone, Ejiro begins to speak.

 

“This has got to stop!” says Fasaki as he tries his hardest to talk over the jeering audience. “If there is just one thing that I simply can not stand, it is someone like you, Johnny Dangerous. Someone who can take the wonderful art of wrestling, and make a total disgrace out of it!”

 

“How has he made a total disgrace of it? What did he do?”

 

“Quiet, Axis!” snaps the Suicide King. “Let the man speak!”

 

“I mean what in the hell is going on out here?” Fasaki continues. “First off you are trying to celebrate the loss of Judge Mental?” Ejiro drops his arms to his side and shakes his head while trying to fathom what Johnny could have possibly been thinking! “And not just a loss, because we in the Magnificent Seven here are more than willing to accept it when someone beats us clean. One, Two, Three, right in the middle of the ring! But you, Sir… are a disgrace!”

 

“Oh come on!” cries Axis as the crowds around him fire off with another round of boos. “Johnny won that match fair and square!”

 

“You cheated Judge Mental out of the chance to leave this federation on the highest note possible, and you also cheated Fugue out of a chance to have the title passed down to him! Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if this were a first time occurrence, but this is the second time you have cheated Fugue out of a hard earned and much deserved victory!” Fugue nods in agreement, snorting right in Johnny’s face. However, the Champion is still unfazed and keeps his eyes locked dead on with the Musician.

 

“That is about enough, Ejiro!” says Axis. “Let the man take some joy in his accomplishments!”

 

“Do you find joy in knowing that you had to cheat your way to victory, Axis?”

 

“Then after all that is said and done, you want to take wrestling and turn it into a damn parade for your own self gratification? One of the absolute worst wrestlers in this federation! I mean come on Johnny you don’t know a wrist lock from a wrist watch! And what the hell is all of this?” Fasaki questions as he reaches down and grabs a hand full of confetti. He opens his hand and lets it slowly drift to the ground, amazed that someone would actually glorify themselves like so, then tosses the remainder into Johnny’s face!

 

“Confetti?”

 

“Something reserved for a ten year olds birthday party? My God, you know you would think that after the way I hammered Wildchild for similar stupidity, that someone would catch a clue! Do you need to suffer the similar fate in order to learn, Johnny? Do you need a twenty foot drop off a scaffold in order to learn that wrestling is NOT a joke! It is people like you and Wildchild that tarnish the good name of professional wrestling and make it a questionable sport! Upending everything me and the Magnificent Seven have tried to create!”

 

Fasaki ends his tirade as Fugue reaches out for the microphone, while never moving an inch away from Johnny Dangerous.

 

“Now,” begins Fugue, “let me tell you something. I have waited patiently for a rematch with you. At first I respected you for being the first man to reverse the Harmony into a move that put me out for three. Then you threw all that respect out the window when you cost me the World Title on Crimson.”

 

“What? Johnny ducked a blow from Judge Mental who inadvertently hit Fugue! Judge was the one who eliminated him!”

 

“Tonight I go into this very ring.” Continues Fugue. “Tonight I go head to head with Matt Myers for the number one contenders spot for the World Championship.” He taps the gold plated title strew across Johnny’s shoulder, then goes on. “After I beat him it will be me and you, with that championship that should be all rights be mine in the first place on the line. Listen Johnny... do you hear the beat? It is in perfect timing with One…”

 

 

“Two…”

 

 

 

“Three…”

 

 

SMACK!

 

Fugue flattens his hand into the perfect striking weapon as he swings it across the Barracuda’s cheek, knocking the frown right off his face!

 

“Ohh!” shouts the Suicide King. “Bitch slap from hell!”

 

The crowds gasp in horror watching Johnny’s head snap to the side. Slowly the World Championship slides off his shoulder as he balls his fist up and…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

Smashes his fist into the Musicians jaw, knocking Fugue six ways from Sunday!

 

“AND THIS FIGHT IS ON!”

 

Johnny rears back on his arm ready to deal out another blow as the crowds go completely ballistic, but Ejiro quickly decides that playtime is officially over, darting in at top speeds and leveling Johnny with a clothesline! Quickly, Johnny scrambles to get to his feet, but the Musician is two steps ahead of him, sneaking in from behind he hooks his arms around the Barracuda’s, lifts him up, and…

 

 

SSLLAAAAMMM!!!

 

“CODA! CODA!” exclaims King!

 

Fugue keeps tight to his hold, wrenching back even farther on Johnny’s arms as he kicks off, somersaults over him and lands in a beautiful arched back bridge, firmly locking in the Harmony!

 

“Ha-Ha-Ha!” the Suicide King chuckles. “This is great! I didn’t think this would turn out so well!”

 

“GAaAhHHhHHhHHHH!” Johnny screams in bittersweet agony, begging to be released!

 

“Somebody get some security out here!” cries Axis! “The World Champion is being assaulted!”

 

As if on standby for a cue, an Armada of SJL Security members fumbles out from backstage, rushing the ring! Ejiro and Fugue see the oncoming assailants, and make haste to exit the ring, leaving the broken body of Johnny Dangerous crumpled on the mat!

 

“I can’t believe it! This is simply horrible!”

 

“Get used to it, Axis. The Magnificent Seven is not going anywhere, anytime soon. We will be right back folks”

 

Metal begins to fade out to commercials as a last shot of Ejiro and Fugue walking backwards up the ramp is shown. Fugue motions around his waist where his title shall soon rest as Ejiro menacingly looks on…

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

DARK MATCH

Blank vs. "Mountain" Mike Moran

 

I got nothing, folks. So therefore...

 

*Antipop hits*

 

King: Oh my god! It's Mr. Galatea!

 

*Galatea puts Blank and Moran in the Tiger McTwamer*

 

*Blank and Moran submit*

 

Funyon: Your winner, Mr. GALATEAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

The camera flickers back on to reveal Hollywood Spike Jenkins ranting and raving to an unseen figure. He’s pacing back and forth in his dressing room wearing a pink bathrobe and a shower cap with little ducks on it.

 

“I am Hollywood Spike Jenkins. I am the greatest wrestler ever to grace this hellhole and they treat me like some jobber. So, I take a few days off and go to a transvestite convention. I was the fucking guest speaker, but they don’t realize that and want to punish me tonight with some stupid match against a ‘Tyler Durden.’ I don’t even know who that is. Put me in some ‘Fight Club’ match. I don’t even know what that is either. But, I don’t care. I don’t know what an armbar is? I don’t know what ring psychology is? That hasn’t stopped me so far. I’m Hollywood Spike Jenkins.” Jenkins down a whole bottle of Rogaine from a nearby table to tend to his thinning hair.

 

“I don’t need these guys anyway. I’ve got my band, Boomerang Fish Guy, to rocket me to stardom. I’ve got my gay porno career to rocket me to stardom. I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD and I don’t need anybody, but you.” Jenkins manner turns softer and points a finger across the room.

 

The camera pans around to follow the finger to reveal a chimpanzee in a pink tutu with red lipstick and blush on her cheeks.

 

“Eep eep eep” squeaks the chimp as she climbs out of the chair and over to Spike. The chimp deftly wraps her arms around Spike’s waist and begins to maneuver her head under his robe.

 

“Yeah…that’s it Betsy Lou…you know how to calm my soul…” Jenkins moans as he receives oral gratification from his trained pet.

 

“I doubt the ASPCA would take kindly to such practices.” A mysterious voice says from out of frame.

 

Jenkins falls startled into the nearby table and hastily closes his robe. He pushes his clawing companion away and calls into the darkness. “Who’s there? What are you doing in my room?”

 

The camera swings around to show a man emerging from the far shadows of the room. He is tall and ruggedly handsome, yet somehow aloof and off settling.

 

“You are a disease on the SJL and I am the cure. For I am Tyler Durden.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The scene cuts out to the arena proper where the Suicide King is punching a Girl Scout troupe in the face one by one and stealing their cookies.

 

“Give ‘em up, bitch.” King sends a blonde in curls flying with a jab to the nose. A box of thin mints pops out of her hands and into his lap.

 

Axis fights this debauchery by slowly nursing a bottle of Jameson’s Irish whiskey.

 

“Welcome back to CrimMetaWrath or whatever damn hair metal band reject name this show has.” Axis knocks back another slug of whiskey before continuing. “Hollywood Spike Jenkins is a walking cunt rag and we don’t like him. So, we’ve hired Fight Club president and founder Tyler Durden to throttle that sorry sack of shit into a coma.”

 

“Friendship Circles? What kind of gay ass dry cookie is that?” King grabs a pudgy girl scout around the waist and power bombs her through the timekeeper’s table.

 

Axis downs a whole three fingers of the whiskey with his head rocking lazily on his shoulders. The crowd suddenly starts hollering and Axis nearly does a spit take.

 

“It’s Tyler Durden!” he slurs. “He’s got Spike Jenkins slung on his shoulder and is hauling his miserable keister to the ring.”

 

Durden walks down the entrance ramp with Jenkins on his shoulder and Betsy Lou trailing behind, jumping and screeching to get her man back. Durden jumps to the ring apron in an amazing feat of agility and strength with Spike still on his shoulder. He dumps him into the ring over the top rope and steps in through the second cord.

 

“Peanut Butter Patties? I’ll smear peanut butter on your patty, whore.” King kicks a rather petite girl in the mouth and her teeth dribble out like Chiclets.

 

Jenkins jumps to his feet, his face bloodied from some unseen clobbering in the back. He is still in his bathrobe, barely closed with the sash conveniently tied in a granny knot around his nut sac. Spike backs away as Tyler advances and begs for mercy with his hands up. Durden lets a right cross go and pounds his fist into Spike’s jaw. He follows up with a left to the other side and Jenkins plummets to the ground.

 

“Tyler Durden is taking it to Spike Jenkins with his special brand of fishman….fiskmamcum…fishkmashmamship…ah screw it.” Axis downs more whiskey and falls out of his chair.

 

Durden points toward Funyon on the floor and the announcer tosses him a mic. He catches it with a spin of his heels and addresses the crowd. “I’m not use to this wrestling scene, but I guess we need a referee. Could we have somebody from the back?”

 

Two dancing bears appear at the sides of the backstage curtain with sparklers glowing in their paws. The curtain parts and out steps…

 

“THE MEMPHIS EEL! The Memphis Eel is coming out to referee. Take that Mr. Bukkake!” Axis extols.

 

The Eel saunters down the ramp and up the steps. Betsy Lou the chimp follows him into the ring. She promptly runs over to the fallen Spike and tries to find his small wang.

 

“That boy ain’t right, son!” The Eel says grabbing the microphone from Durden. “Teaching a monkey to job yo’ junk is the work of a sick mind. A sinful soul sucked by Satan. Remember that while the Devil might go round the outside, Jesus has two turntables and a microphone.”

 

“I’m crocked to the gills and I don’t have a clue what the guy’s talking about.” Axis states.

 

Durden retrieves the mic from the Eel and shakes his head. Jenkins pushes off his blushing babe and fights to his feet. Durden pulls back a fist, but holds up and points at the Eel.

 

“It looks like Durden is going to defer to his new comrade. King, are you going to watch this match or keep beating up little girls?”

 

King reclaims his seat at the table with a mouth full of thin mints. “Eh, I’ve got all their mother’s phone numbers.”

 

Spike slumps still dazed in the corner and the Memphis Eel struts toward him with his wrist held limply and his hips swaggering. The fans pop monstrously huge with deafening thunder.

 

“IT’S THE DUSTY RHODES’ ‘I RULE YOU’RE GAY’ MEGA PIMP STRUT OF TAUNTING! NO ONE CAN SURVIVE THAT!” Axis bleats at the top of his lungs.

 

“Damn these are some fine mother fucking cookies.” King mumbles with his mouth full.

 

Jenkins’ eyes blast open wide and his body pops ramrod stiff. He takes a few steps out of the corner and then slings himself into the turnbuckles with back cracking force. He splats face down; pops up like a weeble and slams into the corner again. He stumbles out like a zombie and the Eel is there to great him with his arm reared all the way back and his fist clenched.

 

“IT’S THE PUNCH! IT’S THE PUNCH! THE MEMPHIS EEL IS GOING TO PUNCH HIM!” Axis has heart palpitations and grabs the mask on an oxygen tank.

 

The Eel measures the comatose yet standing form of Spike Jenkins, then shakes his head and turns away. He then twirls back around and gives spike a walloping haymaker full to the face.

 

“He teased the punch and hit him with the big punch! Damn if I don’t need some milk.” King sighs and chomps more cookies.

 

Durden puts one foot on Spike’s chest and the Eel drops to count.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

Tyler steps off of Jenkins and motions for the Memphis Eel to get on top of him. The Eel obliges with a lateral press and Durden drops to count.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

“Hollywood Spike Jenkins has just jobbed to Tyler Durden AND the Memphis Eel. Oh no, it doesn’t look like they’re done yet.”

 

Durden picks up the crying chimp in his arms and sets her on top of Spike. The Eel hits his knees and counts again.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

“Betsy Lou the Hummer Chimp has just defeated Spike Jenkins. It’s a red banner day in the SJL indeed.” Axis hypes.

 

Durden looks over the ropes and points at the group of bawling and battered girl scouts.

 

“Watch those heathens Tyler,” King warns. “They’ll take your money, then your soul.”

 

The six young girls make their way into the ring and, on Tyler’s orders, one by one put a foot on Spike’s chest.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

“Jenkins has just been pinned individually by six injured girl scouts.” Axis bemoans. “I don’t think it can get much worse than this. OH NO! THE DANCING BEARS ARE COMING TO THE RING!”

 

The lumbering animals crawl into the squared circle and both of the six hundred pound behemoths sit on Spike. His limbs flail helplessly and muffled cries can be heard.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

THREE

 

The Eel counts another pinfall and the bears proceed to hump Spike’s face in celebration.

 

“Tyler Durden is having some sort of large crate brought down the aisle by hooded druids. I don’t believe I’ve seen that before.” King muses.

 

Durden shoos the bears away and leans down to lift Spike up and back over his shoulder. He walks to the side of the ring and drops Jenkins with a plop into the box. The druids close the lid and one of them slaps on a sticker reading “mail to: Abu Daubi. Handle with extreme prejudice.”

 

The druids push the box back up the ramp singing “HI-HO-HI-HO It’s a fedexing we shall go…”

 

“Fare thee well Hollywood Spike Jenkins,” King calls with a wave. “We hardly knew thee, but knew thee well enough.”

 

“Is this the last we will see of Spike Jenkins?” Axis questions. “Is he gone from us for good? Only time and his good behavior will tell. I need a drink.”

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Backstage:

 

The crowds let out a joyous cheer as Metal comes back from commercial break finding Ben Hardy standing next to Johnny Dangerous. Johnny massages his arm, trying to work the kinks out of it before Ben opens up the questioning.

 

“Johnny Dangerous, the brand new World Champion! What do you have to say about the vicious attack that took place on you by Magnificent Seven members Ejiro Fasaki and Fugue, just a little while ago?”

 

Johnny growls with anger at the mentioning of their names, but still manages to give a somewhat decent reply. “What do I think? I think you two want to come out and interrupt me, and what should be the greatest day in my career so far here in the Junior Leagues? You want to talk about fairness? When the hell did a two on one attack become fair?”

 

“Questionable actions by questionable men.” says Hardy “How do you plan to rectify this situation, if you plan anything at all?”

 

“I’ll tell you what, Ben” Johnny answers. “If you two want to see wrestling so bad, then that’s what we shall do. On Wrath, if the two of you are man enough versus me, Johnny Dangerous, in the ring, where there are rules.”

 

“A two on one handicapped match? Johnny Dangerous, a fighting champ you are, but surely you can’t take on two men at once!”

 

“I’d be taking on two men at once any ways, Ben! It doesn’t matter if I challenge Fugue to a match, Ejiro will get involved same thing vice versa. So why not make them both in the match from the start? However, tag rules for you two will be in full effect. If you two are so damn good, lets find out!”

 

Johnny pushes Ben out of his way and storms off down the hall towards his all new locker room as hardy turns back to the camera with his closing remarks.

 

“Well Johnny Dangerous has issued a challenge to the two members of Magnificent Seven! How will they respond? We will be right back with more Metal right after this!”

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

The room was dimly lit, as if the occupant preferred it that way. One could see a sports bag on the floor, and the lockers that glinted with a dull metallic shine indicated that it had to be a personal locker room.

 

Do you remember what it was like back then? To destroy everyone that stood in your path?

 

The titanic figure sat on a bench near the centre of a room, his muscles tense, his body slick with dampness, whether from sweat or water was uncertain. Lanky white hair hung in his face, and his eyes were closed as the voice in his head spoke.

 

"I'm not....like that...anymore."

 

Nonsense. You're big. You're strong. You're just the same.

 

"Not..the same.."

 

The memory came unbidden to his mind's eye - he couldn't even remember the superstar's name. Someone from an old federation....

 

"By god! When is this madman going to stop!"

 

"I don't think he is! He's smelled blood and he's going for it!"

 

"For god's sake put the chair down! NO!!"

 

There was a CRACK of chair hitting body. And another. And another. The younger superstar on the floor had a bloodied face and chest, and sprawled in a mess of his own blood. And above him, grinning maniacally, green eyes almost aglow...

 

....stood Janus.

 

"NO! I said I would no longer take that path!"

 

Janus rose to his feet, running his hands through his hair, and leaned on the wall, bracing himself with his arms.

 

You know you liked it. Embrace the rage that made you what you are.

 

"That rage...is wrong. That behaviour..is punishable...and by God..I swore to punish it..."

 

The giant rammed one fist into a nearby locker, visibly denting it. The voice in his mind cackled with glee. He shook his head, shaking his hair and the wetness out of his eyes. Another image came unbidden.

 

"He's on top of the cage!!"

 

"And he's got the other guy with him!"

 

Janus lifted his arms as he shifted the opponent into the belly-to-belly position, that feral grin on his face once more. The crowd was hushed as he tilted his head back and laughed - and sprung off the cage.

 

"NO! NO! NO!"

 

The crack of a breaking neck was audible as he hit the canvas, and he dropped the limp body, looking down with a blood-soaked face...

 

Janus shook his head viciously, pacing back and forth across the room, clenching his titantic fists and feeling the muscles bulge in his arms. He waited, and sure enough, that mental voice, that harrassed him so, came back.

 

Destruction. Blood. Pain. That is what made you what you are.

 

"No longer....I will only visit that....on those....who practice it themselves...."

 

He slammed his fist into the wall, not even wincing, and gritted his teeth, speaking only to himself.

 

"I will not...fall prey...to that destructiveness again...."

 

A knocking on the door made him look up. He tossed his head back, and paced to the door, opening it a crack, eyes gleaming in the sudden light. Ben Hardy stepped back in surprise, and Janus spoke.

 

"What?"

 

"Uh...uh....Janus...it's just...just about time...for your match...could I get...an interview?"

 

The giant considered, then stared back down at the interviewer, swinging the door open and stepping out in all his seven-foot-two glory. His tone was flat.

 

"No."

 

With that, the giant headed off down the hallway, heading towards the ring, his steps slow and methodical as the thought ran through his mind again.

 

You won't hold back your rage forever....

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

SJL Metal's theme music blares over the speakers as the break ends, the cameraman circling the arena to catch the sight of the screaming fans as they await the next match. The camera has barely focused on the familiar forms of Axis and The Suicide King when the lights go out. As Lacuna Coil's "Aeon" begins to play over the speakers, the two announcers finally speak.

 

Axis: "Welcome back to SJL Metal ladies and gentlemen, and it looks like we're ready for our next match."

 

Suicide King: "No Disqualifications for the Ejiropean Title! This promises to be great! Especially with this superstar in it!"

 

The Smarktron starts playing a video of a stormy night over an Irish castle. The moon is full with a Celtic cross shadowing it, and the song continues to play as Arianwyn Rivenstone steps out onto the stage, walking towards the ring in a black dress and elbow-length black gloves - her path is lit from underneath the ring, and Funyon finally gets the nerve to speak as Arianwyn reaches the ring and red lights slowly begin to brighten the darkness.

 

Funyon: "The following contest is a No Disqualification Match, and is for the Number One Contendership of the Euro...excuse me....Ejiropean Title! Introducing first, from Swords Ireland, weighing in at one hundred and sixty one pounds, ARIAAAAANWYYYYN RIIIIIIVENSTOOOOOONE!"

 

Arianwyn gets into the ring and removes the dress to reveal her wrestling attire, throwing the dress aside as the red lights completely light up the arena and fade to white. We cut back to Axis and the Suicide King at ringside.

 

Suicide King: "This girl is MARVELLOUS! She knows how to dish out the pain!"

 

Axis: "King, this 'girl' and her partner trashed Mike Van Siclen! TWICE!"

 

Suicide King: "Your point? She's proven to be an incredible...."

 

The King's words are cut off as "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot explodes onto the sound system. Not much happens until the song begins to pick up - at that very instant, the lights all drop out. A single strobe light flashes on and off madly, and then red and black pyros explode into the air as the "Insane Luchador" Andrew Rickmen dashes towards the ring, showing absolutely no fear as he jumps onto the apron and springboards into the ring at the moment Funyon announces him.

 

Funyon: "The second competitor, from Easton Pennsylvanis! Weighing in at two hundred and twenty three pounds.....the INSAAAAAANE LUCHAAAAAAAAAADOR!"

 

IL and Arianwyn circle each other, gauging their opponents. Arian finally leans in and smacks IL right across the face, and the Insane Luchador responds with a flurry of quick punces before whipping the female superstar into the ropes. When she comes back however, she springs up, and locks her legs around IL's head, nailing a perfect headscissors takedown! The two superstart jump back to their feet - IL starts in with a flurry of punches, that Arianwyn evades and returns with cold calculating elbow and forearm shots.

 

Suicide King: "That's right, baby! Take him down fast and hard, haha! That Luchador nut doesn't stand a chance!"

 

Axis: "Aren't you forgetting someone, King?"

 

Suicide King: "Nonsense Axis, why would I?"

 

The Insane Luchador blocks a forearm shot, and quickly snaps Arianwyn to the ground with a quick DDT. The fighting pauses as the lights go out, and a single spotlight appears on the stage. The gentle guitar riffs of "As Darkness Falls" play over the speakers.

 

Suicide King: "You're not saying THIS GUY IS IN THIS MATCH?"

 

Axis: "Didn't you pay attention to the card?"

 

The song breaks into the opening heavy guitar riff with "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" as Janus comes stalking out onto the ramp and heads for the ring as the two other superstars watch him. With the Insane Luchador's head turned, Arianwyn gets the quick hit in by spinning him around and eyeraking him, then she lifts the Luchador up and nails a decent suplex, as Janus gets up on the apron. Arianwyn springboards off the ropes and attempts to land a legdrop, but hits nothing but ground as IL is back on his feet, and as Arianwyn gets up, he nails her with a picture perfect dropkick. Now outside the ring, Funyon still bellows out the introduction.

 

Funyon: "And the third and final competitor! Hailing from Sydney Australia and weighing in at three hundred and fifty pounds.....JAAAAAAAAANUS!"

 

IL attempts to whip Arianwyn into the ropes, but she puts the brakes on, spinning around and snapping Rickmen's mouth with a jawbreaker. She turns to run into the ropes, and instead, runs straight into the bulk of Janus, who hoists her off the ground and plants her into the ground with a massive whirl sideslam. She bounces off the canvas, and rolls to the ropes to regain her senses. The Insane Luchador sees the giant standing, and runs, springing up, and attempts to nail the giant with a hurricanrana. Janus attempts to hold Rickmen up for a powerbomb, but Arianwyn puts a stop to that by low-blowing the giant, and the Luchador flips Janus over with a hurricanrana - the giant crashes to the mat with a THUD. Both IL and Arianwyn spring back up, quickly laying some hefty kicks into Janus' back.

 

Axis: "That's double teaming! It's not fair! Every person for themself!"

 

Suicide King: "Haha! It's called strategy! The big guy could throw them around like twigs if they didn't beat him down!"

 

Axis: "As much as I hate you, I think you could be right."

 

The makeshift alliance doesn't last long. IL springs over to the female superstar, and attempts to hip-throw her, but she holds her ground and hooks IL's arm, flipping him over with an arm drag. She holds on as IL gets back up, and attempts a second arm drag, but it's blocked, and the Luchador breaks the hold, and spins around to get behind Arianwyn, and hits a snap suplex! He pauses to get her back up, and flows into a second! And a third! Arianwyn sprawls on the ground, holding her head.

 

Axis: "The Insane Luchador just drilled Arianwyn with those flowing snap suplexes! He's wearing her down!"

 

Suicide King: "She won't be done so soon, Axis! Look! She's getting back up!"

 

Axis: "And the Luchador is in trouble!"

 

The reason for Axis' cry is well founded - Janus is back on his feet once more, and his big boot collides with Rickmen's head, spinning him almost a full three-hundred-and-sixty degrees. Arianwyn stumbles to her feet, and Janus locks her up into a bearhug, and then smashes her tailbone on his knee with an inverted atomic drop before letting her go, and she falls to the ground, holding her tailbone. Janus looks at the two on the ground, and then lifts both arms (as opposed to one), signalling for not just one chokeslam, but a double chokeslam!

 

Axis: "Janus is looking to finish this quickly with a dual chokeslam!"

 

Suicide King: "He won't manage this so early in the match!"

 

The Suicide King looks to be wrong as the other two superstars get to their feet - Janus locks a hand around each of their throats - and Arianwyn drives a foot into Janus' groin, eliciting a boo from the crowd and a wince from the commentators. Not stopping, once more IL and Arianwyn work in unison, dropping Janus to the ground with a double-team DDT. Once again, the fragile double-teaming dissolves almost instantly - this time with Arianwyn springing over the fallen Janus and snapping IL to the ground with a spinning hurricanrana, and attempting a pin.

 

ONE!

TW...

 

IL manages to wriggle out of the hold and get back to his feet, as Janus sits up on the mat and gets back to his vertical base. Arianwyn is standing directly between the two faces, and realising her predicament, slams an elbow back into Janus' chest, and throws her other arm forward to strike the Luchador's face. She continues this motion, managing to keep the two other wrestlers distracted. Finally having enough of it, Janus clubs Arianwyn with a great elbow shot of his own, sending her reeling into the Luchador, who drove his foot into her stomach and lunges forward to grab Ariawyn in preparation for the Evenflow DDT.

 

Axis: "EVENFLOW! Luchador could lay out Arianwyn right here!"

 

Suicide King: "No!! It's too early!"

 

Regardless of the Suicide King's words, the Insane Luchador leaps into the air, smashing Arianwyn into the mat with the Evenflow DDT. He stands up and points to the top rope, the crowd's cheers roaring even louder when Janus makes his presence felt by hooking IL's arms and bringing him over in a thunderous full-nelson suplex, complete with bridge. The referee slides down to make the count.

 

ONE!

TW...

 

IL manages to lift an arm off the canvas, and Janus breaks the pin, sitting up and getting back to his feet. Arianwyn is still sprawled from the Evenflow, and he looks down at her as if considering continuing the punishment, as the Luchador rolls to his feet and ascends the turnbuckle behind the giant. IL springs off the top rope in a spinning crossbody attempt, which Janus catches in midair, holding the Luchador over his shoulder.

 

Axis: "Tell me something. Has anyone successfully nailed Janus with a crossbody so far?"

 

King: "You think I care!? Look at that!"

 

Arianwyn is slowly sitting up after the impact of the Evenflow, and watches as Janus drops onto one knee and smashes IL's shoulder into the raised knee with a shoulder breaker, before dropping him to the floor. Arianwyn quickly ascends the turnbuckle, then leaps off as Janus turns - he attempts to catch her, but she hooks his head and spins him around, planting him to the floor with a tornado DDT, before sprawling on the ground nearby. The crowd is hushed - the referee looks at the timekeeper and shrugs his shoulders.

 

Axis: "He can't begin a ten count as this match is no disqualification. It has to end via pinfall, or submission."

 

Suicide King: "Ahahahaa....and look who's back on her feet!"

 

Arianwyn gets back to her feet, seeing both the Luchador and Janus gasping on the ground, and hops to the outside, judging the distance. The crowd boos as she sights that Janus is closer, and springs up on the top rope, then springs upward and spins about for a shooting star press.

 

Suicide King: "YES! The Bloodlust! This is it!"

 

Axis: "Oh no it isn't!"

 

Suicide King: "What!?"

 

As Arianwyn comes down on Janus, the seven footer lifts his arms, catching the female superstar and benchpressing her as he lays down. He then pushes her up and off him, sitting up. The Luchador is also once more on his feet, holding his shoulder. Arianwyn gets up, facing Janus - and spins when she hears IL moving. She ducks, and the superkick IL had intended for her smacks the rising Janus in the chin, making the giant stagger backwards against the ropes. The giant rebounds, and the female superstar ducks again, and the giant sends IL spinning to the canvas with another big boot.

 

Axis: "Arianwyn ducks the Luchador's superkick, which smacks Janus upside the head, and Janus attempts to flatten her with a big boot, that also misses and sends Luchador to the mat!!"

 

Suicide King: "Breathe, Axis! Arianwyn isn't done yet!"

 

Arianwyn sizes up Janus, as the seven footer faces her down. She runs back to the ropes, and comes back - Janus hefts her up for a whirl sideslam, but there's confusing moment as she spins around his body, and he continues to try to slam her...until she eventually hooks his head and slams his head into the mat - the giant rolls straight out of the ring and to the ground.

 

Axis: "What in the heck....?"

 

Suicide King: "It's called Deja-vu, Axis! And look, she's got her sights on the Luchador!"

 

The female superstar races over to the Luchador, then drops to her knees and locks her hands around his throat in a blatant choke, grinning with a creepy enjoyment as Rickmen grabs her hands and attempts to force her grip away to no avail.

 

Axis: "Blatant choke!!"

 

Suicide King: "No disqualifications, Axis! Anything's legal!"

 

Luchadore proves that he's no pushover by rolling Arianwyn onto her back and sitting on her chest - gasping for air, he lifts his arms and starts driving punch after punch after punch into her face - she breaks the chokehold to shield her face, and Luchador quickly stands up and boots her quickly in the head, before running to the turnbuckle. He climbs it in record time, and springs back off with some Huuuuuuuuge Air....that meets the back of Arianwyn's neck with a solid thud. He rolls her over and hooks a leg.

 

ONE!!

TWO!!

TH...

 

Arianwyn kicks out, locking her hands around the Luchadore's throat again. She whips him into the ropes, and when he comes back, she bounces his face off the canvas with a drop toe hold, then looks around for Janus. The giant is standing on the outside, staring at the timekeeper's desk as if contemplating something. Taking no chances, Arianwyn runs to the ropes and flips off in a senton-style plancha, but the giant catches her in mid-air and snaps her spine into the ground with a high-angle spinebuster. He turns his back on her to look for the Luchador, and surprisingly, Arianwyn is back on her feet and leaps onto his back, locking a sleeper hold around his head and attempting to scissor the giant's muscular waist.

 

Suicide King: "YES! GO! Deathgrip!!"

 

Axis: "If she locks this in, I doubt even Janus will survive!"

 

There's no question about survival, as the Luchador comes sailing over the ropes in a plancha, smashing into Arianwyn and Janus, driving all three of them to the mat. The Luchador is back to his feet first, and Arianwyn nails him with a vicious forearm shot that bloodies his nose. The Insane Luchador throws a punch to return the favour, but the female superstar rakes his eyes and ducks the blow, and then takes him over in a quick snapmare and locks in a headlock, taking the Luchador to the ground. This is broken up, however, as Janus' huge leg squashes them with a legdrop, and he then picks up the Luchador and throws him into the ring, making to climb in after him. He pauses when Arianwyn clutches his leg, stopping him.

 

Axis: "Arianwyn says 'no go' to Janus there! She doesn't want the giant to get the pin!"

 

Suicide King: "Haha! Look! He's trying to shake her off and she's not letting go!"

 

Distracted with Arianwyn, he doesn't notice the Luchadore running - face bloody, he drops and baseball slides into Janus' face, sending the giant falling over backwards, and letting Arianwyn get back to her feet! IL doesn't waste a motion, springing up to the turnbuckle and flying down towards Janus with some Huge Air...and the crowd lets out a huge cheer as Janus suddenly sits up, and the Luchador crashes rump first to the floor, making him cry out in pain. Janus is still sitting when he looks up and sees Arianwyn with a chair.

 

Suicide King: "Last sight you'll ever see, big guy!"

 

Axis: "I don't think so, King! Look!"

 

Arianwyn had swung the chair - only for Janus to catch it in his great hands, and start to rise. Arianwyn attempts to wrestle it from his grip, but the giant holds on, and then pulls the chair from her grasp, lifting it above his head as he stares down at Arianwyn. She backs off, staring at him as if daring him to do it. The crowd is hushed as Janus stands there with the chair raised. Then the crowd starts booing - and Janus and Arianwyn both turn their heads as the other Disciple of Discord starts walking down the ramp. Seeing Janus pause, Arianwyn tries to kick him in the groin, but the giant steps back, and a resounding CRACK echoes through the arena as Janus slams the chair down full-force on Arianwyn's skull. The sheer impact has the crowd chanting.

 

"E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!"

 

Suicide King: "Stop chanting about that promotion!"

 

Axis: "Hey, Janus just did something people recognise FROM that promotion!"

 

Suicide King: "So!? It's bad advertising!"

 

Dropping the chair, which now has a sizable dent in it, Janus lifts Arianwyn up and rolls her back into the ring, before picking the chair back up and heading towards the other arriving Disciple, who stops and stares him down. Janus doesn't hesitate as he heads towards her, lifting the chair in readiness - and the referee jumps out of the ring and shakes his head, trying to get Janus to stop and motioning for Nocturna to get backstage.

 

Behind everyone's back, no one notices the Insane Luchador crawling back into the ring, and lifting up the dazed Arianwyn and dragging her towards the turnbuckles. The crowd breaks into cheers as he hooks her in a full nelson and nods his head towards the turnbuckles.

 

Axis: "The Luchador's back in the ring and he's setting Arianwyn up for the Brink of Insanity! The referee's too busy arguing with Janus!"

 

Suicide King: "Don't worry, Arianwyn's got her backup...."

 

Axis: "Hey, that's cheating!"

 

With the referee now yelling at Janus to leaving Nocturna alone, he doesn't notice she's climbed up on the apron, sliding a short chain from one of her pockets. Leaning over the turnbuckles, she wraps the chain around the Luchadore's neck and starts choking him out, letting Arianwyn stagger free of the full nelson and regain her senses. She turns around, motions to Nocturna to release the chain, and grabs the Luchador, driving an elbow and then a series of forearms into his face, knocking him back into the turnbuckle. Inspecting her hands and finding them wet with the Luchador's blood, she licks it off with a grin.

 

Axis: "Now that...is just creepy."

 

Suicide King: "It shows you how tough she is!!"

 

She hangs the Luchador upside down in the turnbuckle, Nocturna holding IL's arms so he can't escape. As Arianwyn runs up for a baseball slide, Janus pushes the referee aside and comes roaring around the side of the ring like a steam train, and a second loud CRACK echoes through the arena as he smashes the chair into Nocturna's back. She collapses, releasing IL's arms - and he flips himself up onto the turnbuckle with sheer body power - Arianwyn's baseball slide hits nothing but post, leaving her sprawled in pain on the ground. The Insane Luchador poses on the top rope, and then springs off, flattening Arianwyn into the ground with a 450 splash! Before he can capitalise with a pin, Janus drags him out of the ring by one leg, and lifts the chair again.

 

Axis: "Will Janus break that damn chair!? He's going to cream the Luchador too!"

 

Suicide King: "Haha! I love it when these big guys get violent!"

 

Janus doesn't get a chance, though, as IL nails him with a desperate superkick that makes him drop the chair and stagger back against the railing. Picking the chair up, IL looks between Janus and the near-unconscious Nocturna, then drops the weapon and makes his way back to the top rope, aiming to splash Arianwyn again. He doesn't see Janus climbing up onto the apron, and the giant locks a hand around the Luchador's throat. The Luchador flails and stares at Janus, who has the fire of victory burning in his eyes - and he then chokeslams IL straight off the top turnbuckle, from the apron, and onto the chair on the floor!

 

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

 

Axis: "Janus is absolutely vicious tonight!"

 

Suicide King: "This match must have brought out some of his violent side! Excellent!"

 

Janus looks back at the ring, where Arianwyn is slowly starting to get up. The seven footer walks around to the announce table, and stares Axis down until the announcer gets off his chair, and Janus grabs the steel chair. Suicide King, still seated, laughs at his standing companion as Janus walks back into the ring and drags Arianwyn to her feet, before he hooks her arm and smashes her shoulder into the chair with a single-arm DDT. He gets right back up and kicks the chair to the turnbuckle, then hoists Arianwyn up and over his shoulder, pointing to the top rope.

 

Axis: "He's gotta be kidding! He wouldn't do that, would he!?"

 

Suicide King: "Wait! Arianwyn's a heel! You can't do this to a heel!"

 

Axis: "He did it before, and he'll damn well do it again, it seems!"

 

As Janus ascends the turnbuckle, however, Arianwyn seems to gain some of her mental faculties back, and starts driving elbows into the giant's head. Stunning him as he sits on the top turnbuckle, she desperately hooks her legs around his neck, and flips him over with a frankensteiner, smashing the giant's face into the chair! His face bloodied, Janus is captured in the pinning predicament as the referee slides into the ring.

 

ONE!!

TWO!!

THRE...

 

And he thrusts an arm up, and pushes Arianwyn away, getting woozily to his feet. The female superstar is equally disoriented, after all the punishment she's taken. She drags the chair from where it sits, and lifts it above her head - just in time for Janus to drill her with a big boot to the face, smashing the chair into her skull and busting her wide open. He drops over her in a pin.

 

ONE!

TWO!!

THRE...

 

Somehow, with all her might, Arianwyn pushes an arm off the canvas, kicking out of the pin attempt.

 

Axis: "Holy god, how did she kick out of THAT!?"

 

Suicide King: "She's hardcore, Axis!"

 

Axis: "Weren't you rooting for Janus?"

 

Suicide King: "He's an Australian, and a face. Arianwyn's a heel, and SHE RULES!"

 

Axis: "....whatever."

 

The crowd starts to cheer as the two superstarts get to their feet - as the battered but still alive Insane Luchador springboards over the top rope and nails Janus with the Approaching Brink when he lands, and starts laying the punches into the larger man. Janus grunts and staggers, silencing IL's attack with a meaty punch to the head that sends him reeling. Janus charges forward, but the Luchador spins around, managing to hook the giant's arms in a full nelson. On her feet again and chair in hand, Arianwyn springboards off the rope and drives the chair into Janus' skull, dazing him long enough for the Insane Luchador to run up the turnbuckle, still holding the full nelson on Janus, and spring off!

 

Axis: "BRINK OF INSANITY! BRINK OF INSANITY!"

 

Suicide King: "Excellent! He may have laid Janus out with that! Now Arianwyn's got her task cut out for her!"

 

Axis: "What the....oh no...."

 

IL has little chance to make the cover, as Arianwyn creams him in the back of the head with the chair. The Insane Luchador collapses to his knees, and a second shot to his back makes him cry out and crumple on his face. She immediatley leaps on him, lifting him to a semi-seated position and locking a sleeper hold around his head and scissoring his waist. IL can't even scream as the move cuts the blood off to his brain and he starts to fade.

 

Suicide King: "Deathgrip! It's all over!"

 

Axis: "Not if the Luchador survives!"

 

Suicide King: "Nonsense! And Janus is out cold from the Brink of Insanity!"

 

The Insane Luchador fights against the submission, but after all the impact he's taken, he's fading fast. He doesn't cry out that he's submitted, and the referee lifts his arm and lets it fall limp.

 

ONE!!

 

Suicide King: "Just two more and this will be over."

 

Axis: "Come on, don't end like this...."

 

The Insane Luchador's arm falls a second time.

 

TWO!!

 

Suicide King: "She's got it! She's got it!"

 

Axis: "Oh.....oh NO SHE HASN'T!"

 

As the referee lifts IL's arm for the third time, there is a thunderous CRACK as the bloodied Janus smashes the back of Arianwyn's head with the chair.Both superstars fall over, and Janus decides to make sure.....he drags both of them to their feet, locking a hand around each throat. With a roar that meets the crowd's approval, he lifts both the Insane Luchador and Arianwyn up.....and the ring shakes as he thunders IL into the apron and Arianwyn into the chair simultaneously. He steps back and lifts his arms up as the crowd cheers.

 

Suicide King: "No! NO! It can't end this way!"

 

Axis: "But it has!"

 

Behind Janus, the recovered Nocturna slides into the ring, wielding her chain again. Alerted by the boos, Janus spins around as she lunges - and instead of locking the chain around the giant's throat, Nocturna is hoisted into the air, flailing about before Janus drops and smashes her into the canvas with a sit-down powerbomb, before rolling away and throwing an arm over both Arianwyn and IL. The referee slides to make the count.

 

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

 

The bell rings as "As Darkness Falls" plays over the speakers, and Funyon makes the announcement.

 

Funyon: "Here is your winner...and NUMBER ONE CONTENDER to the EJIROPEAN TITLE......JAAAAANUS!"

 

The giant lifts his arms, looking around him at the destruction. He drops down next to the Insane Luchador, and checks the face's pulse, apparently showing some concern. He mouths would could be a grim "Sorry" to the unconscious wrestler, and merely glares at the bodies of Arianwyn and Nocturna as he rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, lifting his arms once more in victory.

 

Axis: "That was an incredible match! Janus beat all the odds to become the Number One Contender to Ejiro's title!"

 

Suicide King: "Bah!! Arianwyn should have won!"

 

Axis: "Even the Luchador tried his best, but neither he nor Arianwyn could beat Janus down, King."

 

Suicide King: "Heh. We'll see when he faces Ejiro…"

 

The show fades out to commercial with that ominous portent from the Suicide King.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

“And that’s how I have managed to diversify my stock portfolio, while continuing to have that fiscal solvency that’s so important in today’s tumultuous market.”

 

“Uh, King,” whispers Axis, “I think we’re back.”

 

“So, like I was saying, I was nailing this broad right? And she’s screaming my name and…” The Suicide King calls out in his most macho voice.

 

“Nice cover,” again whispers Axis, savoring this turn of events.

 

“Anyway, Axis, our next match is oh so very important and I think we need to focus on that.”

 

“And if The Suicide King wants to talk about an actual match, you know that he’s in trouble. So I guess we better move along. This next match is going to be the highly anticipated match up between The Magnificent Seven’s Ejiro Fasaki and Dace Night, who has yet to have his shoulders counted down for three in SJL competition. He’s also been deemed the number one contender to the European Title ever since he won the elimination tag match a few weeks ago.”

 

“You can say that he’s big and bad and undefeated all you want, Axis. But he has yet to face anyone the caliber of the Ejiropean Champion. And I tell you this, Axis, Ejiro is on a heck of a roll and has been undefeated for almost a month as well.”

 

“But Ejiro is coming off that scaffold match, and its been widely speculated that he has some seriously bruised ribs after WildChild crushed him with a 900 degree splash from twenty feet in the air.”

 

“Bah! Ejiro is tough as nails. He has to be to be a member of The Magnificent Seven; they don’t allow ballet dancers in that little club. It’s not like they’re X Force 9 or anything. ”

 

“With that,” Axis sighs, “Let’s head strait to our ring announcer, Funyon, for the introductions.”

 

The silver-tongued devil struts to the middle of the ring before pulling the microphone up to his face. Calling out to the people assembled in the Anaheim Pond, Funyon announces, “This match is scheduled for one fall and is for the SJL European Title! Introducing first…”

 

“Cold Hate, Warm Blood” begins to pump through the arena as Dace Night steps through the curtain and down the aisle way. Stepping through the ropes, Dace pulls off his trench coat as Funyon continues his introduction…

 

“The challenger! Weighing in at 247 pounds and hailing from Birmingham, England; this is DACCCCCCCCE NIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

“What the hell is Dace Night wearing Axis?”

 

Walking to the middle of the ring, Dace Night steps around the ring and displays his attire to the crowd. He is wearing a shirt that has a picture of a tombstone with “M7” etched into the stone. And in the ground is a skeleton half emerged from the dirt with a Magnificent Seven shirt wrapped around his carcass. The fans absolutely eat this up with a spoon and shower Dace with a round of applause. And although Night is, as always, all business, a small little smile crosses his face.

 

“That’s just disgusting, Axis! Dace is just plain old jealous of the success of The Magnificent Seven and now he wants to bury them? What a bunch of nonsense!”

 

“Well, King, if you hate the Magnificent Seven, now is the time to make your move. With Judge Mental gone up to the SWF, Ejiro and Fugue are going to have to fend for themselves until they can hire on some more muscle.”

 

Funyon continues, “And his opponent… He comes to us from Sarasota, Florida. He weighs in at 188 pounds. He is The SJL Ejiropean Champion and would like to let you all know that the reason that France is so rude to Americans is because you people are even more arrogant than they are. This is The Magnificent Seven’s own…. EJIROOOOOOOO FASAKIIIIIIIII!”

 

With “Sellout” playing over the speakers, The European Champion strides out through the entranceway and makes a strait beeline towards the ring, wearing his Magnificent Seven football jersey. Without even looking at the crowd once, Ejiro steps through the ropes and walks right up to Dace and begins to put his finger right into the chest of his opponent. Expressing his anger at Dace for his choice of wardrobe for the night, Ejiro finally steps away from his opponent and walks over to the ropes. Climbing up to the middle rope, Ejiro raises his title belt high into the air as pyrotechnics fire from the adjoining turnbuckles. Hopping off the ropes, Ejiro turns as lands and walks right into the grasp of his opponent! Ducking low, Dace takes Ejiro around the ribs and pulls him tight with a bear hug. Fasaki lets out a brief scream of pain but doesn’t have long to wait before getting his freedom. Because Dace immediately arches back and sends Fasaki over his head with a Northern lights suplex! Driving Ejiro to the canvas and bridging high on his toes, Night holds Ejiro down for…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

THRE… NAHHHHHHHHHHH! Ejiro just barely manages to get his shoulders off the canvas in order to break the count.

 

“Wow! Such a close two count this early in the match? Dace really must have caught Ejiro off guard to get that close a fall,” says Axis in amazement.

Pulling Ejiro off the canvas as quickly as he can, Dace sends the European champion flying into the ropes. Attempting to take Ejiro’s head off with one blow, Night tosses a hard lariat towards Ejiro’s head. But the quick Fasaki ducks underneath Dace’s outstretched arm and continues to run past his opponent. Springing back towards the center of the ring, Ejiro takes to the air and tries to take Dace down with a high cross body block. But Dace isn’t going anywhere! Catching all of Ejiro’s 188 pounds across his chest, Dace looks out to the fans for just a moment before bring Fasaki down across his knee in a backbreaker! And then, pushing down on Ejiro’s neck and legs, Night bends the European champion across his knee. Fasaki screams like an animal with his leg caught in a bear trap and desperately reaches up again and again, trying to get some sort of hold on Dace Night’s face. But Night simply releases the hold and allows Ejiro to tumble off his knee to the canvas. Quickly lying across Ejiro’s body with a lateral press, Dace applies some body-to-body contact as Referee Matthew Kivell counts away…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE…GAHHHHHHHHH! NO!

 

“Again, it appears as though Fasaki is suffering a lot more from these blows than what we’ve usually seen from him. I have to say that it’s surprising to see him be in such trouble so early,” comments Axis.

 

“Well, no kidding, Axis. To get two near falls like that so quick on the Ejiropean Champion isn’t something that happens every week. I have to believe that he is, in fact, carrying some kind of injury from last week’s scaffold match.”

 

Again trying to stay on the attack, Dace Night pulls Ejiro off the canvas and back against the ropes. Pulling his arm back and rocketing it forward, Dace Night smokes Ejiro across the chest with a hard chop across the pectorals. Another chop sends Ejiro’s body flying backward against the ropes and allows Dace to gain a firm grip on his opponent’s arm. Sending Ejiro into the ropes, Night drops his head a moment too early for a backdrop and gets a face full of a lightning fast kick. Stood strait up, Dace provides a pleasing target for Ejiro, and he takes a wild swing at his challenger. But casually ducking underneath the blow, Dace Night grabs Ejiro from behind with a tight waist and pulls up against Ejiro’s ribs as tightly as he can. And with the difference in height between the tow wrestlers, Ejiro’s feet are barely reaching the mat and so, he has no leverage to break the hold.

 

“And you can tell that Dace has already realized Ejiro’s injury,” remarks King, “He may be an tuned up, hardcore, head dropping freak… but he does know how to wrestle very well.”

 

With Ejiro dangling from his clutches, Dace squeezes hard against Fasaki’s ribs and causes the Ejiropean Champion to shout out in pain and horror. Straining against the grip, Ejiro starts to throw a series of weak back elbows against Dace, trying to break free of the vice grip. But Dace simply responds by allowing Ejiro’s feet to touch the mat for the briefest of instants before dumping Ejiro onto his head with a devastating release German suplex! Getting to his feet, Dace grabs Ejiro by the jersey and rips it off his fallen opponent.

 

“To no one’s surprise, you can see that Fasaki did indeed have his ribs heavily taped underneath that jersey,” calls Axis, “It’s any wonder Fasaki has been as ineffective in this match as he’s been.”

 

Tossing the Magnificent Seven jersey out into the crowd, Dace Night continues his onslaught by pulling a rather limp Fasaki off the canvas. Holding Fasaki by the head, Dace Night drives a series of knees strait into his opponent’s ribs again and again, until one final knee causes Ejiro’s body to fly into the air and land on the canvas in a heap. Quickly scrambling to his feet to avoid a potential cover, Fasaki scampers to the ropes in order to get some sort of respite. But Dace Night simply is not that forgiving and rushes forward to drive Ejiro over the top rope with a snapping Yakuza kick!

 

“Sweet mercy, Dace nearly took Ejiro’s head off with that blow, King! And he’s certainly not about to allow Fasaki any rest either, because he is going right after him.”

 

“That’s a mistake, Axis. You cannot win a title on the floor.”

 

“But you can sure beat the crap out of a guy on the floor enough to beat them in the ring.”

 

“Touché.”

 

Pulling Ejiro up by the hair, Dace Night grabs his opponent around the waist and sends him crashing into the guardrail; back first. Stepping back away from his opponent, Dace again gets a head of steam for the Yakuza kick!

 

 

 

“Misses!” shouts King, “Ejiro ducked out of the way and Dace crotched himself against the metal rail! What did I tell you Axis? Dace should have stayed in the ring!”

 

Ejiro, finally having an opening for the first time in the match, leaps up and drives a hard elbow into the side of Dace’s head and sends him spilling over the guardrail to the front row of The Anaheim Pond. Quickly sticking his head under the bottom rope to break the count, Ejiro staggers back over to Dace’s position. Reaching over the rail, Ejiro drags Dace’s neck over the rail and pulls down on the head with as much weight as he can put behind it. Dace staggers back towards the fans as Ejiro slides into the ring and motions for Referee Kivell to count Dace out as quickly as possible.

 

“As you can plainly see, fans,” bemoans Axis, “Ejiro has no interest in actually beating Dace. He just wants to get out of here with the title.”

 

“Oh come off it, Axis,” counters King, “Ejiro just wants to catch a little breather while Dace struggles back into the ring. That’s just good strategy. And if Dace doesn’t get back to the ring, Ejiro wins regardless.”

 

Indeed, as Ejiro slumps with his face in a corner as Dace slowly steps over the guardrail. Sliding underneath the ropes at the count of six, Night is met while still on the mat with a baseball slide to the head that sends him falling back to the arena floor. Ejiro steps back up to his feet and steps right back to the corner he was resting in a moment ago. And while Kivell goes back to counting out Dace Night, Ejiro reveals that he wasn’t quite resting after all!

 

“He’s removing the padding from that turnbuckle, revealing the steel connector below! You know he’s got bad intentions in mind for that, King.”

 

Again, Dace climbs into the ring and again, Ejiro is there to take advantage. This time, Fasaki drops a knee down across the back of Night’s head. Corralling Dace, Ejiro pushes him into a corner and drives his patented elbows across Night’s jaw. Winding Dace up into a wristlock, Ejiro sends Dace across the ring with an Irish whip… or at least he tries to…

 

“Dace reverses and Ejiro tastes the steel with those injured ribs! Fasaki staggers out of the corner… LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Dace just completely levels Ejiro with such a tremendous clothesline that Fasaki goes tumbling head over heels and ends up lying on his face directly on the canvas. Dace runs his finger across his throat to signal that this thing is just about over. Pulling Ejiro off the canvas, Dace winds Ejiro up with a wristlock and pulls him close. Grabbing Fasaki across the shoulder, Dace Night jerks Ejiro into the air and brings him down across the knee with a Rock breaker! Ejiro roars out in pain as his ribs take yet another severe blow. Laying down across Fasaki, Dace hooks a leg as the referee counts …

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE…GNAHHHHHHHHHNOOOOOOO! Ejiro once again barely escapes in time to stave off the fall. Mildly flustered, Dace pulls a groaning Fasaki off the canvas once more. Sending Ejiro into the ropes, Dace attempts to send Ejiro to his knee again with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but Ejiro manages to over rotate and land on his feet. Taking a chance, Ejiro throws a clothesline at Night but Dace shows some speed by ducking underneath. Reaching around Ejiro’s head, Dace locks him up in position for the reverse DDT. But instead of merely dropping down with Ejiro, Dace grabs him by the tights and lifts him up into the air for the “Sentenced” shotgun stunner. By kicking wildly with his legs allows Ejiro to fall down behind Dace and escape what could have been a knockout blow. Dace quickly turns around and gets taken right down to the mat with a startling STO legsweep slam!

 

“Nice sequence there by Ejiro,” smiles King, “First he evades the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and then the ‘Sentenced’ before hitting the STO. What a wrestler he is! He just took that hardcore freak to school!”

 

“Oh please, first off, Dace Night is one of the most technically proficient wrestlers in SJL and second, he’s been beating the hell out of Fasaki all match long!”

 

Getting to his feet and still holding onto his ribs, Ejiro sets about stomping the guts out of Dace Night with a flurry of stomps to the breadbasket. Hopping into the air, Ejiro brings his knee down across Dace’s throat as hard as he can and proceeds to drive it as far into Night’s windpipe as he can as Kivell counts away towards the disqualification. Moving his knee off of Dace’s throat, Ejiro virtually dives across Night’s body and begins to pepper his face with a rapid flurry of short punches. Finally having enough of this rapid fire cheating, Kivell finally gets physically involved and pries Ejiro off of Dace. Moving Ejiro back for just a second allows Dace to pull himself up by the ropes. But Ejiro is right back on his opponent and drives a forearm across his back and sends Dace falling to the ropes. Hitting the ropes for some momentum, Ejiro comes crashing against Night’s neck with a Bossman straddle. Not happy with just the impact of the hold, Ejiro stays on top of Dace’s neck. Continuing to choke Dace against the ropes, Ejiro is relentless as referee Matthew Kivell counts away again towards the disqualification.

 

“Fasaki is acting like an animal in there, King. How can you complain about Dace’s nature when Ejiro is wrestling the way he is?”

 

“Well, quite simply. I have to defend Ejiro because he’s the heel and Night is the face. I thought our roles were pretty well defined by now Axis.”

 

“You’re such a hypocrite.”

 

“I’m a bad person. Hypocrisy is totally allowed under our bylaws.”

 

“Evil people have bylaws?”

 

“Yeah, if you think that’s a display of our organization, you should see our dental plan.”

 

Finally releasing his chokehold, Fasaki steps off the ropes and allows Dace a moment of air into his lungs. Pressing Dace back into a corner, Ejiro begins to cut into Dace’s midsection with a series of sweeping round kicks. BAM! BAM! BAM! Tired of taking this abuse, Dace reaches out and grabs Ejiro around the throat with both hands. Infused with anger, Night squeezes away with no thought to strategy. This allows the quick thinking Ejiro to pop his hands in between Dace’s and free his throat. Quickly taking advantage, Fasaki smashes a short elbow directly into Dace’s face and sends him stumbling back to the corner again. Rushing forward, Ejiro drives a rushing elbow into Dace’s chest and causes the larger man to fall down to a knee. With his opponent in that position, it is an easy matter for Ejiro to hop into the air and smash both of his feet into Dace’s face with a dropkick.

 

“Like we have said before, King, once Ejiro gets you into a compromised position, he goes to work on you with a number of low risk maneuvers. He doesn’t make a lot of mistakes, so his opponent has to make their own breaks and take advantage from there.”

 

Pulling a staggered Dace back towards the center of the ring, Ejiro reaches underneath Dace and muscles up all 247 pounds of Dace Night and slams him into the canvas. Reacting from the pain of lifting up Dace’s weight, Ejiro winces from the effort before slowly making his way to the ring apron. Slowly climbing up to the top turnbuckle, Ejiro attempts to line Dace up for some sort of high-flying maneuver. But that’s a little difficult when...

 

“Dace is already up!” shouts Axis with a song in his heart, “That slam too much out of Ejiro to allow him to get to the top rope quickly enough to capitalize!”

 

Night strides right up to the elevated Fasaki and pushes Ejiro’s legs wide, causing the European Champion to groin himself on the top rope. Quickly moving Ejiro’s legs into position, Dace Night backs into Ejiro’s position and raises his arms high into Ejiro’s armpits. Stepping out of the corner with Fasaki overhead, Dace Night sends Ejiro flying forward while he sits out, driving Ejiro’s face into the mat with a “Desecration” Acid bomb! Stepping up in a rage, Dace tears his shirt off his back displaying to the world....

 

“HOLY SOCKS! King, is that what I think it is?”

 

“I... I think it is...”

 

“Dace Night has actually carved ‘Die Ejiro Die’ into his own chest! That’s ... uh ... dedication for you.”

 

“Would you like to join me in my ‘Dace Night is a sick bastard’ club now?”

 

Roaring in anger, Dace Night hauls Ejiro off the canvas and hooks him up for a vertical suplex. Pulling up him up by his tights, Dace lifts Ejiro high into the air and walks about the ring while the blood continues to rush down into Fasaki’s head. Lifting his left leg off the canvas, Night falls down to the canvas and drives Ejiro’s cranium directly into the mat with a brainbuster! Floating over, Dace hooks a leg tightly as the referee and the fans count along!

 

ONE!

 

TWO~!

 

 

THREEEEENOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EJIRO JUST BARELY GETS A SHOULDER UP!

 

“I think it would have been best for Ejiro if he would just stay down here, Axis.”

 

“You have to be kidding me, you’re giving up on Fasaki, just like that?”

 

“Hey Axis, the guy with the most will wins. And if you are willing to take a knife and scar into your body the message that your opponent should die? Well, let’s just say that you want to win pretty badly.”

 

Pulling Ejiro up and jamming his head in between his legs, Dace locks his arms around Night’s body and cinches up a tight grip. Lifting Fasaki up into the air for a powerbomb, Night perhaps lifts with too much power and that slight miscalculation allows Ejiro to go flying up and over and take Dace down with a surprise sunset flip! Out of position, Matthew Kivell leaps to the canvas and counts...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO! Dace easily brings his legs together and causes Ejiro to release his grasp on Dace’s shoulders. Rolling backward Dace easily finds his feet as Ejiro slowly climbs up to his feet. Charging forward, Dace absolutely clobbers Ejiro with yet another viscous lariat that sends Ejiro to the canvas in a hurry! Pulling Ejiro up by the hair, Dace takes a moment and sends Ejiro into the ropes for another clothesline. But this time, Ejiro manages to hook himself into the ropes and break the momentum. Trying to continue to capitalize, Dace rushes forward at his opponent. Unfortunately for Dace, Ejiro ducks low as Night goes flying overhead and gets...

 

 

 

 

 

“CAUGHT IN THE HANGMAN!” screams Axis, “Dace just got his own head caught in between the middle and top ropes. This move has cost such men as Mick Foley their own ears and now it is wrapped on Dace Night!”

 

“And Ejiro Fasaki isn’t going to be much help!”

 

Staggering to his feet and seeing his opponent’s predicament, Ejiro rushes forward and begins to drive his elbow into the top of Night’s head. Again and again, as Kivell desperately tries to free Dace from the ropes, Ejiro brings his elbow up and down like an axe. Chopping into the top of Dace’s head and, with Kivell’s aid, punching Dace’s neck free of the grip of the ropes. Finally freed of the ropes, Dace collapses to the canvas with, thankfully, both of his ears intact. Grabbing onto the top rope, Fasaki stomps away again at his fallen opponent, driving his foot directly into Night’s chest again and again. Slowly, painfully, hauling Dace up by the hair, Fasaki sends Night into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the chest that sends Night flipping over and to the mat.

 

“Fasaki has been working to reduce Night’s ability to breathe whenever he can, King,” points out an astute Axis, “by attacking Night’s throat and breadbasket, I think Ejiro is trying his best to outlast his larger opponent.”

 

Taking a rising Dace by the head, Ejiro snap mares his opponent over and quickly slaps on a reverse chinlock. As the crowd groans at the hold, Ejiro holds on tightly and begins to try and force Night’s shoulders to the canvas while holding onto the chinlock. Matthew Kivell checks in closely and makes sure Ejiro is not sneaking in a choke while that close to the neck. Satisfied at the legality of the hold, Kivell moves into position to make sure that Dace Night is not going to call it quits. Locking on tightly, Ejiro begins to kick his feet off the canvas so when they come slamming back to the canvas, the pressure on Night momentarily increases.

 

“I know most people might say that Ejiro is trying to get a rest here, King. But what else would you say he’s trying to accomplish?”

 

“I would say he’s continuing to utilize that wear down strategy you talked about earlier. He knows he has the advantage over Dace when it comes to stamina and he is going to utilize that advantage to the fullest if he can.”

 

Wrenching the chinlock in, Ejiro pulls back on Dace’s head and finally manages to force Dace’s shoulders down so Kivell can count to...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO! Dace quickly throws a shoulder up and off the canvas. Slowly and deliberately Dace finally begins to fight his way up against the hold. Pressing up against all of Ejiro’s weight, Dace manages to find his way up to his knees. But unwilling to release his grip as of yet, Ejiro quickly wraps his legs against Dace’s chest and brings him back down to the canvas. Pulling away with both his legs and his arms though, Ejiro is unable to keep Night from using his body weight to press Ejiro’s back against the canvas. And although Dace doesn’t really have a solid grip on Fasaki, Kivell counts...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR...NAHHHHHHHH! NO!

 

“Oh, Ejiro almost got caught napping there King, and he had to release the leg scissors in order to escape the fall.”

 

“He’s still got to inflict as much damage as he could with his legs locked in tightly though Axis and Dace is still stuck in that reverse chinlock.”

 

Indeed, but again Dace uses his mammoth strength advantage to fight his way up from underneath Fasaki. But this time, Dace spends absolutely no time on his knees before he pops all the way up to his feet. But Ejiro holds on tightly and continues to crimp Dace’s neck in an attempt to stem the flow of blood from his carotid artery. But Dace is not to be denied and he quickly turns into Ejiro before scooping him up onto his shoulders!

 

“I don’t like the looks of this, Axis!” shouts King as Ejiro is forced to release his grasp as Dace Night reestablishes his.

 

Walking around the ring with Ejiro on his shoulders like a trophy, Dace Night takes on last breath before falling to his side and dropping Fasaki with the Death Valley Driver! But Dace is too winded to make a cover as Ejiro’s cumulative attacks have taken their toll as well as Dace’s high impact offense has taken down Ejiro. Slowly both men make their way up to their feet, almost nose-to-nose in front of each other. Ejiro attempts to act first and takes a swing at Dace with a right hand. But Dace still has enough of his wits about him enough to duck underneath and nail the turning Ejiro with a standing boot to the face before clutching him about the head and spiking The European Champion down with the DDT.

 

“Dace has let loose the hounds tonight, King. He is bringing the house and Ejiro better have something up his sleeve to combat that.”

 

Dace takes the wounded Ejiro by the arm and whips him hard into one of the still protected turnbuckles. Rushing forward, Night crushes Ejiro in that corner with a rushing elbow to the mouth. Ejiro’s knees buckle as his head rolls back on his shoulders as he stumbles towards a ready and waiting Dace Night. Taking Ejiro around body again, Dace tries to pull him up what can only be the...

 

“Dark Star Driver!”

 

But when Ejiro finds himself up that high in the air, he manages to kick the entire weight of his body off of Dace’s shoulders and too the side. Losing his grip, Dace simply allows Ejiro to crash to the canvas without applying the force he would have wanted for the thunder fire powerbomb. So changing tactics, Dace pulls Ejiro off the canvas and pushes him toward a turnbuckle. Once there, Dace chops the flesh right off of Fasaki’s chest and then sends Ejiro across the ring with an Irish whip. But instead of hitting the turnbuckles, Ejiro attempts to send himself over the rapidly approaching Dace. But Night slows up just enough to catch Fasaki on his shoulder.

 

“Oh no! It looks like Dace is eyeing up that exposed turnbuckle!”

 

With Ejiro on his shoulder like a sack of groceries, Dace rushes forward to impale The European Champion on the exposed metal. But Fasaki manages drop down underneath Dace and shoves his chest right into the steel! Quickly taking advantage Ejiro sprints forward and dropkicks Dace right in the back and again jamming his body into the metal hook. Now, with Dace slumping against the buckle, Ejiro gets a head of steam by hitting the ropes!!!

 

“LEAPING KNEE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!”

 

“It’s the KO knee! And to an exposed metal buckle no less!”

 

With Dace knocked for a loop, Ejiro quickly dives underneath Night’s legs and cradles him backward in the schoolboy!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

“Fasaki puts his feet on the ropes!”

 

THREEEEEEEEEE!

 

Quickly pulling his feet down, Ejiro raises his hand in victory as Axis rants on!

 

“What a fraud, what a cheating son of a bitch! How can he proud of such a cheap victory. How can The Magnificent Seven be proud of themselves at all!”

 

But protest as he might, Axis cannot deny the power of Funyon as he announces, “The winner of this match... and STILL SJL European Champion.... EEEEEEJIROOOOO FASAKIIIIIIII!”

 

Taking the big golden belt, Ejiro smiles as he slings the belt above his head as he steps up to the middle rope. But Dace Night is not through with him yet!

 

“Dace Night is up on his feet, King. He’s not done yet!”

 

Taking Ejiro around the waist while he’s standing on the middle rope, Dace arches back and smashes Fasaki into the canvas with a rim shattering German suplex that sends Ejiro tumbling head over heels! Not through yet, Night slides around Fasaki’s head and pulls on back with the “Code Black”! Furiously tearing and pulling, Night wrenches back as Referee Matthew Kivell tries to pry him off and while we fade to commercial....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fasaki taps out.

 

*** FADE TO BLACK ***

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Pyro booms and the crowd screams in anticipation of carnage to end all carnage, as the camera roams the packed stands of the Anaheim Pond! "Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen!" Axis screams over the noise. "It's been one hell of a night, and this SJL Metal is about to go out with a bang!"

 

"Or a whimper," the Suicide King adds. "Because coming up we've got the #1 Contendership Submission Cage Match!"

 

"That's right, King," Axis babbles. "Matt Myers and Fugue face each other for a chance at Johnny Dangerous' championship belt!"

 

"Not only that, but Matt Myers was the one who nearly broke Fugue's neck and necessitated him taking time off a few months ago!" the King comments. "This match is chock full o' history!" The camera takes a moment to pan over the cage, suspended high above the ring. It's a deceptively simple structure; four walls of chain-link fence, each fully twenty feet high, with no roof.

 

"The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall," booms Funyon, "and it is a SUBMISSION CAGE MATCH!" A roar of anticipatory cheers almost blow him off his feet, but he struggles on. "Making his way to the ring first--" The arena lights are suddenly extinguished, plunging the arena into darkness. The crowd's cheers quickly change to derision as the familiar "Toccata and Fugue" wends its way through the air, heralding the appearance of Fugue on the ramp. "From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 181 pounds, representing the Magnificent Seven...FUUUUGUE!" The manic musician stalks down the ramp, his grin lit by white strobes as he leers at the audience from behind his shades, black trenchcoat flapping around him as he walks.

 

"Fugue definitely looks ready for this match," Axis notes.

 

"Well, doesn't he always?" the King replies.

 

Fugue stops at the edge of the ring, staring up at the steel fencing suspended in the air. After a few moments he blinks and shakes his head, then sheds his trenchcoat to reveal a shirt emblazoned with a stark white drawing--a rugged Japanese man in samurai costume, surmounting the legend "M7". Tossing away his sunglasses, Fugue climbs into the ring and begins to pace, watching the entrance.

 

"That's a, uh...interesting shirt Fugue has on," Axis says.

 

"Well, it's Toshiro Mifune," the King replies. "One of the original 'Seven Samurai' from the film by Akira Kurosawa." Axis stares at his compatriot, and the King notices the look. "What, you thought I was just a pretty face, Axis?"

 

Suddenly the arena lights pulse and darken once again.

 

"Ah..."

 

"Ah...."

 

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

 

"I'M IN OVER MY HEAD!"

 

The opening lyrics of "Over My Head" by Lit blast through the arena as Matt Myers appears on the entrance way, lit by an epileptically flashing strobe. The Punk Rockstar walks down the entrance ramp, slappin' the hands of loyal and loving (and maniacally screaming) fans. "AND HIS OPPONENT!" announces Funyon as he creeps nervously out of the ring. "From Honolulu, Hawaii, weighing in at 221 pounds...MATT! MYERRRRRRRS!" Matt gets to the edge of the ring and smiles, resplendent in his Blink 182 shirt and sparkling maroon-and-gray striped tights.

 

"Those are, uh...interesting tights Matt has on," Axis says.

 

The King rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut up, Axis, nobody cares about your fashion sense." Meanwhile, a retreating Funyon compliments Matt on his clothes as the Punk Rockstar climbs into the ring. Fugue repeatedly opens and clenches his fists as he paces, watching Myers closely. Matt stands up the ring and returns his opponent's gaze coolly.

 

"And now the moment we've all been waiting for!" Axis cries. There is a clank from somewhere above and the cage begins to slowly lower. The audience roars with excitement, flashbulbs exploding madly from every corner of the arena. The two competitors watch the cage lower, surrounding them in steel fencing. Lower, and lower...finally the cage moves down over the turnbuckles and presses flush onto the ring apron.

 

DINGINGING!

 

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls," the King intones.

 

Axis opens his mouth but his train of thought is cut off by King's stentorian words. He stares at the King of Hearts for a moment, then gets himself back on track. "And this match is ON!" Axis announces.

 

The noise of the audience swells in volume as the two competitors circle each other. Suddenly they lunge, grappling for position. Matt Myers wraps his arm around Fugue's neck, achieving a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Fugue sets himself and pushes Myers hard across the ring--Matt hits the ropes and smacks into the cage wall, doubling over in pain for a moment. Fugue charges in but Myers steps forward and gets under him, pushing Fugue up into the air. The musician flies over his opponent and bounces off the cage, tumbling to the mat as the crowd cheers.

 

"These two men are ALREADY learning how unforgiving this steel is," Axis hypes, "as Myers sends Fugue into the cage with a HIGH back body drop!"

 

"Myers gets a momentary advantage with his speed--but Fugue always learns from his mistakes," the King comments.

 

Fugue quickly gets to his feet and grabs for Myers again. He swings Myers by the arm--but the Punk Rockstar reverses and whips Fugue toward the ropes. Fugue hits the ropes and slams into the cage wall--then bounces off the steel fencing, charging back and leaping into the air to slam shoulder-first into the surprised Myers. The musician grabs for his opponent's arm but Myers quickly slips away, getting to his feet and moving away before Fugue can lock in a hold. Fugue gets to his feet and arches his back, reaching back to massage it a bit as he grins at Myers.

 

"Whoa!" Axis says. "Fugue just bounced off the cage like it was nothing."

 

"I told you he learned something." The King chuckles. "He learned that he can handle slamming into the cage."

 

Matt Myers sets himself into a combat stance and smiles cockily at his opponent. The crowd cheers raucously for their punk hero. Fugue looks from side to side, his grin seeming a bit faded. He eyes Myers, then charges in to meet a quick spinning kick from the Punk Rockstar. Myers quickly runs the ropes (gingerly) and leaps back with a legdrop, landing square on Fugue's chest. The musician spasms and quickly grabs Myers' leg, squirming around to wrap his legs around it. Matt struggles, pulling himself to the nearby ropes. Fugue holds on tenaciously and Myers pulls himself up the ropes, then up the cage, reaching a standing position as his fans cheer him on. He stomps at the clinging Fugue, who finally lets go and rolls away.

 

"Matt takes control with a couple of quick moves, but Fugue stops his momentum with a crucifix kneebar!" Axis narrates.

 

"Not only that, but both men now understand that there's no referees or DQs!" the King adds. "If your opponent locks in a submission hold, and you get to the ropes--it don't matter! No one's gonna hold your hand in this one!"

 

"Right you are, King!" Axis replies. "We're starting to see how dangerous this environment is!"

 

"Oh, we ain't seen NOTHING yet!" the King grins.

 

Fugue rushes back and grabs Myers by the leg, then flips backward and hauls him down onto the mat. He grabs both Myers' legs but Matt quickly sits up and punches him in the face. The Punk Rockstar then stands and grabs Fugue's head again, flipping back in a smooth motion and slamming the musician's head down.

 

"Operation Ivy Drop!" Axis cries. "It looks like Myers is going to concentrate on Fugue's neck--perhaps setting him up for the Ska Stretch!"

 

"Very sound strategy by Myers," the King nods. "Almost EVIL™, in fact."

 

Fugue struggles away and staggers to his feet. He stares around wildly at the yelling crowds. Myers moves back and reaches for him--and Fugue spins, smacking his hand hard against Myers' jaw. Matt staggers back, holding his face and looking at his hand to see if he's bleeding. Fugue crouches, then rushes forward and ducks with a sweeping leg kick. Matt is too fast, however, jumping and kicking Fugue in the head in midair! Fugue moves back, pressing himself against the cage wall and breathing heavily as Myers recovers.

 

"Fugue is going for some intense offense!" Axis says. "But Myers is too quick!"

 

"I think the Rockstar is frustrating the Musician," the King asserts.

 

Fugue lunges forward again, lashing out to catch one of Myers' arms. He twists hard, Matt grimacing in pain and then flipping forward to reverse the pressure. The crowd cheers, but then gasps as Fugue jumps upward and flips BACKWARD, retightening the hold. Myers staggers, then straightens up and slams his other fist against Fugue's arm. As the musician releases the hold Myers grabs him in a bearhug, picking the smaller man up and throwing him bodily to the mat. Myers runs the ropes (wincing at the impact with the cage) and charges Fugue again but the musician rolls toward him, forcing him to jump. Myers skids to a halt but Fugue leaps to his feet and charges wildly, ramming into Myers and sending him face-first into the cage!

 

"OUCH!" Axis cries. "Myers hits a spinebuster, but Fugue won't stay down!"

 

"NOW we're gonna see something!" the King grins.

 

Fugue pounds at Myers' back, but the Rockstar snaps an elbow backward into Fugue's face. As the musician reels Myers scampers up the cage.

 

"Oh no, what's he doing?" Axis asks. "He can't leave the cage!"

 

Myers glances backward, then launches himself off the cage toward his opponent. Flashbulbs illuminate the arena as the Punk Rockstar smashes bodily into Fugue, bearing him down to the mat. Myers then pushes himself up, breathing heavily as he stares down at his opponent.

 

"BEAUTIFUL cross-body splash by Myers!" Axis cries.

 

"Well, that answers your cage question," the King notes.

 

Matt Myers takes a moment to look out at the audience. The fans' cheers redouble, sparking a grin on his face. He kicks at the recumbent Fugue, who twitches and spasmodically clutches at Myers' leg. Matt aims another kick but Fugue slithers away and pulls him down again. Swarming up Matt's body Fugue grabs a headlock, bearing Myers down with superior leverage.

 

"Fugue goes back to his amateur background!" Axis says.

 

"Ha! He's got more technique in his little finger than Matt has in his entire body!" the King gloats. Axis rolls his eyes.

 

Myers tries to fight his way to his feet but Fugue pushes him down again, managing to ram his knee into Myers' chest. Fugue then grabs Myers' left arm and wraps his legs around it, reaching over his back as the crowd comes alive--but Matt flails and pushes at the mat, dragging himself to the edge of the ring. Fugue leans back and concentrates his strength on the hold, torquing Myers' arm in ways it was never meant to bend. Myers makes it to the ropes and catches hold of them--slowly dragging himself up to a standing position! Fugue holds on grimly, hanging upside down off Matt's arm until the Rockstar finally gets enough leverage to knee Fugue in the face, quickly dislodging him.

 

"Fugue went for that deadly Minor Chord, but had to settle for a crucifix armbar!" Axis exclaims.

 

"Still an extremely damaging hold!" the King adds.

 

Matt leans against the cage wall, breathing heavily and shaking out his arm. Fugue isn't through with him yet, though, and gets up to grab for Myers' arm again. The Rockstar dodges backward, however, then lunges forward with a high kick to Fugue's face! The musician stumbles, turned around by the force of the blow. Matt grabs Fugue around the neck from the front, lacing his leg in Fugue's and leaping backward to bring them both to the mat.

 

"Myers takes control again with a superkick AND a Russian leg sweep!" Axis cries.

 

Myers looks back and forth at the crowd again, encouraged by the cheers. He runs to the cage, climbing quickly up several feet, above the ropes...and he LEAPS backward, turning a somersault in midair--but Fugue rolls out of the way! Myers lands on his feet on the mat, stumbling just slightly, and Fugue grabs him around the waist and hauls him hard upward and onto his back! Fugue stands, weaving just a little as he circles his fallen opponent. Matt quickly sits up but Fugue runs at him head-on, leaping in a somersault over Matt and pulling his head down to the mat. With a grim sneer on his lips Fugue springs up and launches himself in a flip AGAIN, this time landing back-first on Matt's left shoulder and upper arm. The Punk Rockstar yells in pain, turning over and scrambling away quickly.

 

"WHOA! Myers misses the moonsault and Fugue takes control with some HARD offense!" Axis says.

 

"Fugue is really going for those arms, which shouldn't surprise anyone," the King says. "And he looks--*angrier* than usual!"

 

Fugue whips his head around, staring out of the cage with wild eyes. The crowd boos him loudly, a few fans even throwing drink cups that bounce off the cage. Fugue runs to the cage, pulling hard at the chain links. His gaze moves upward and he begins to climb, small frame moving quickly up the side.

 

"My God, what's gotten into Fugue?" Axis says. "Has he forgotten that he can't leave the cage? Has all this abuse finally taken its toll on his mind?!?"

 

"I don't think you need worry about him leaving the cage, Axis," the King chuckles. "Here comes that punk Myers to bring him down! This oughta be good!"

 

Matt Myers indeed scales the cage right behind Fugue. The musician takes no notice--until Myers slams his fist into Fugue's back. Fugue shudders, one hand coming loose from the cage, the crowd gasping as he tilts backward ten feet above the ground. Myers moves upward and sticks his head under Fugue's legs, pulling him off the wall--and both men fall backward, long seconds passing until they slam onto the mat below!

 

"My GOD!" Axis cries. "Myers took Fugue down with an ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP FROM THE CAGE!"

 

"Owwww, that had to hurt!" comments the King.

 

Myers gets to his feet first, breathing heavily. He stares at the audience, almost not seeing them through his haze of pain. The "HOLY SHIT!" chants eventually get through to him, however, and he turns back--to see Fugue sit up.

 

"WHOA!" Axis exclaims. "Fugue is STILL ALIVE!"

 

"Oh, it takes a LOT to put him down," the King grins.

 

Fugue manages to push himself to his feet, his arms visibly trembling, his lips pursed as if trying to whistle. Myers gets over his shock and runs forward to hit Fugue on the back again. He grabs the musician, pulling him over his head for a slam, but Fugue struggles and Matt loses his hold. Fugue slides down to stand behind Matt and grabs his head--SLAMMING his own into the Punk Rockstar's!

 

"OUCH!" Axis cries. "That was just brutal!"

 

Myers clutches his head and Fugue grabs him around the waist. Matt, realizing what's coming, elbows back and turns around. Fugue headbutts him AGAIN and cinches in the waistlock. A hard pull and Myers flips over Fugue, slamming upside-down into the cage and sliding down to tangle in the ropes!

 

"Fugue hits a Northern Lights Suplex, and Myers goes HARD into the cage!" Axis narrates.

 

"Wow, I'm amazed Matt still has fight left in him!" comments the King. "But he's getting out of the ropes and coming back for more!"

 

"It's the power of these fans that love him so much!" Axis says. The King snorts loudly.

 

Fugue stands in the middle of the ring, shaking his head and staring around with wide eyes. Myers takes advantage of the confusion to stun Fugue with an elbow, then leans down and picks him up in a fireman's carry. He turns to show off his catch to the crowd, setting Fugue up--and the musician grabs the side of the cage! Myers pulls at Fugue, then lifts him up a bit more and gets his head between Fugue's legs, pushing him up to force his head into the cage! Fugue releases the fencing and Myers takes two precise steps, hurling Fugue downward to slam him HARD on his back!

 

"POWERBOMB!" Axis cries. "Myers looks to be getting a second wind in this match!"

 

"Of course, he was GOING for a Good Charlotte driver," the King counters. "And he DIDN'T land it! Fugue isn't done yet!"

 

Fugue still doesn't stay down--he quickly scrambles to his feet and charges Myers again, slamming his shoulder into his gut. Myers staggers but smacks his elbow into Fugue's neck, momentarily stopping him. Matt presses his advantage by turning his back to the musician and grabbing a headlock, then running up the side of the cage! A roar from the crowd and Myers launches off, flying through the air to land on his back, pulling Fugue down face-first!

 

"NEW FOUND GLORY!" Axis cries. "A TORNADO variation of it!"

 

"Damn, that really hit Fugue's neck hard!" the King growls. "Come on, Fugue--be the no-selling bastard I know you can be!"

 

Myers springs to his feet, resting his hands on his knees for a moment as he watches Fugue stand up. Fugue flips his hair out of his face and glares at Myers with hatred, a cut on his forehead steadily oozing blood. The Punk Rockstar's face hardens. He steps forward and spins, his leg spinning around in a graceful high kick. But Fugue grabs his leg with a sneer and goes limp, falling backward and dragging Myers down once again. Matt quickly frees his leg but doesn't see Fugue's elbow until it smacks into his nose. Myers shakes his head and tries to crawl away, but Fugue presses the attack with a kick to his ribs. As the Rockstar slumps to the mat Fugue leaps up, landing kneefirst on Myers' left shoulder, eliciting a groan of agony from him.

 

"Fugue is brutalizing Myers!" Axis cries. "This is sadistic!"

 

"It certainly is!" the King chortles.

 

Fugue grabs Matt's head and pulls him to the side of the ring, ramming his head into the cage. The audience gasps and boos as Fugue pulls Myers' blue hair, rubbing his face against the steel. The camera zooms in to show blood streaming from Matts forehead and nose, staining the metal a slick red. Then Matt manages a mule-kick backwards, hitting Fugue hard in the stomach. He pushes away from the cage and grabs Fugue in a headlock. The musician struggles but Matt climbs up the ropes, his legs shaking but bearing him up and letting him push off, turning in the air to pull Fugue down on his head!

 

"Beautiful tornado DDT by Myers!" Axis cries.

 

"But--wait, Fugue has Myers' arm again!" the King replies.

 

Fugue indeed has a hold on Myers' right arm, the arm that held him for the DDT. The musician's legs are wrapped around it as he sits on Myers' back, wrenching backwards. Matt tries to fight out, pulling himself sideways toward the ropes. Fugue hangs on grimly, but Matt finally snags a rope and uses the leverage to turn himself over, flipping Fugue off.

 

"Fugue with an intense Fujiwara armbar!" Axis says. "Fortunately, Myers was able to use the ropes to break the hold!"

 

"Not yet!" the King says. "Fugue STILL hasn't released the hold! He's like a rabid animal tonight!"

 

Fugue wrenches at Myers' arm, face twisted in anger, and Matt again pulls himself up and aims kicks at his opponent. Finally Fugue lets go and rolls away...then picks himself up and stumbles right back to the attack! Matt dodges and lets Fugue hit the cage wall, then grabs him from below and hoists him up over his shoulders! The crowd gets to their feet as Myers' muscles strain, holding the smaller man high in the air--then he lets Fugue drop behind him.

 

"A beautiful Gorilla press by Myers!" Axis says.

 

Fugue bounces to his feet, stumbles, then pushes himself up completely. Myers is shaking out his arms and grimacing when Fugue jumps him from behind and hooks his arms around Myers'!

 

"Full Nelson!" Axis cries. "Oh, this isn't good!"

 

"That's right!" the King replies. "Fugue can do so much with such a simple hold!"

 

Myers struggles, gasping as his arms are wrenched backward. The Punk Rockstar stumbles around the ring, unable to shake off his tormentor--but spurred on by his fans, Matt pushes backward and slams Fugue into the wall of the cage. The musician's lips pull back in a grimace, but he doesn't release the hold! Myers tries again, Fugue's head and back hitting the fence hard. Then the musician sets his feet on the cage wall and pushes off, sending Myers down face-first!

 

"Fugue with a--a modified full nelson bulldog!" Axis cries. "My god, he's just NOT letting up!"

 

"And it looks like he's going for the MAJOR CHORD!" the King asserts. "But Myers still won't give up!"

 

Fugue tries to flip himself over but Matt squirms forward as well to spoil the attempt. Myers gets his feet under him and manages to stand. He pulls Fugue with him as he runs to the other side of the cage, leaping onto it and pushing off backward--landing hard on top of Fugue as they both hit the mat!

 

"And Myers counters the Major Chord!" Axis cries. "And retaliates with a, with a, hell I don't even know what to call that, but it worked!"

 

"Except, of course, for the fact that his arms took EVEN MORE DAMAGE," the King points out.

 

"But it looks like Fugue is FINALLY releasing that hold!"

 

Myers slips away from Fugue and staggers across the ring. The musician pushes himself to his feet and stares around wildly. His expression is almost one of fear as he rushes to the cage side, rattling the fencing as he gazes out at the audience. Once again he begins to scale the cage, making slower progress as his holds are less secure. Matt Myers stares at his fleeing opponent in frank astonishment as he tries to get his breath back. Then, with a cocky smirk, he again moves to the side and follows Fugue up the cage.

 

"I don't understand this," Axis says. "I mean, Fugue's always been kind of...out there, but tonight, in this cage, he's different. It's like he wants to be free."

 

"Free?" The King starts. "Oh, my God. You don't think..."

 

Fugue climbs up higher, all twenty feet of steel, finally reaching the top and leaning over to stare out. The dizzying spectacle of the insane crowd surrounds him, lights and cameras flashing wildly. And then--he blinks, and almost smiles.

 

And Myers punches him in the kidney from below, sending a spasm of pain through the musician. The cheers are deafening as the two competitors struggle high above the mat.

 

"THEY'RE TWENTY FEET IN THE AIR!" Axis screams over the noise. "THIS IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!"

 

"WIN OR LOSE, IT'S ALL DECIDED HERE!" the King yells.

 

Fugue stares at his opponent, now level with him on the top of the cage, his glare focusing on Matt Myers. The Punk Rockstar grins sardonically, then aims a smack at Fugue's face. As the musician reels Myers grabs his head with both hands--but Fugue lunges and smacks the top of his head into Myers' jaw. Fugue keeps a grim hold on the cage as he attacks--unlike Matt, who manages to quickly grab the top of the cage with his left hand.

 

Fugue grabs Myers' flailing right arm and jumps backward.

 

"OH MY GOD!" screams Axis as the two men plummet. The King stares in shock.

 

Myers is yanked off the cage, turning a backward somersault in midair. Fugue keeps his body straight through the long, flashbulb-laden fall...and lands on his feet, quickly stumbling to hands and knees but keeping a grip on Myers with one arm. Matt manages to be facing downward when he lands, breaking his fall as much as he can but still driving the breath out of his body, yelling in pain as his arm is nearly yanked out of its socket.

 

"FUGUE PULLED MYERS OFF THE CAGE!" Axis yells.

 

"That was INCREDIBLE!" the King cries.

 

Fugue pants as he stares at Myers. His eyes widen and his fists clench, as he begins to stalk towards Matt.

 

"I knew it!" the King says. "Fugue has gone COMPLETELY off the deep end!"

 

"What? What do you mean?" asks Axis.

 

Myers manages to pull himself up, and turns back to glare at his opponent. He darts forward and lands a kick to Fugue's chest--stopping for breath for a moment before grabbing the smaller man and throwing him down with a slam. Wincing as he shakes out his right arm, Myers takes a running start and scurries up the cage, leaping backward and flipping over to land hard on Fugue's chest!

 

"A NO-HANDS MOONSAULT!" Axis spasms. "Whatever's happening with Fugue, it hasn't won him the match yet!"

 

"It doesn't MATTER, Axis," the King snaps. "Listen--we know Fugue was in some sort of madhouse at some point in his life, right?"

 

"Uh, well that's the rumor," Axis replies.

 

Fugue pushes Myers off him and scrambles to his feet. Matt crouches, eyeing his opponent for an opening. Fugue pushes the hair back from his bloodstained face and Myers charges--only to go down to the mat again as Fugue catches his legs and spins in a drop toe-hold. Matt quickly scrambles away but runs forward and jumps to land kneefirst on Myers' left shoulder, sending a spasm of pain through his body.

 

"Well, if YOU had been in an insane asylum," the King continues, "and someone tried to put YOU in a cage...how would YOU react?"

 

Matt pulls himself upright with help from the cage but Fugue catches his left arm from the front, hauling the Punk Rockstar around and leaping forward to send Myers down yet again.

 

"A single chickenwing bulldog!" Axis babbles. "How would I--uh--" Axis' eyes widen. "Oh, no!"

 

Matt manages to turn over onto his back and bring his right arm around to punch Fugue in the jaw. Fugue glares at his opponent, but finally shudders in pain and loosens the hold enough for Myers to squirm free. Matt, glaring just as angrily, rears back and kicks at Fugue--the musician catches the blow on his shoulder, then gets to his feet and bulls Myers against the cage again.

 

"That's right," the King nods. "If Fugue is having some sort of flashback, I bet Myers is in SERIOUS trouble!"

 

"But Myers has already done a lot of damage to Fugue!" Axis cries. "If he can just capitalize..."

 

Myers knees Fugue desperately in the stomach. He dodges Fugue's grab and slips around behind him...

 

 

 

 

 

...reaching around to wrap his arm around Fugue's neck from behind! The crowd gets to their feet again as their punk hero wrenches in the hold!

 

"The SKA STRETCH!" Axis cries. "Myers' best submission maneuver!"

 

"Uh-uh, no way!" the King says. "Fugue is NOT going to submit!"

 

Fugue scrabbles with his feet, trying to gain purchase, but Myers pulls him to the center of the ring. The musician then bends his knees and pushes but his tormentor turns in place, letting Fugue spin them both around uselessly. Fugue smacks at Matt's back with flailing hands but Myers hangs on grimly.

 

"THERE'S NO ESCAPE!" Axis cries as the crowd goes even wilder. "THE SKA STRETCH IS LOCKED IN! FUGUE HAS GOTTA TAP!"

 

Fugue pushes desperately with his feet--and finally finds enough purchase to gain a footing! Matt tries to pull back but Fugue wrenches his whole body, momentarily unbalancing Myers enough for the musician to LEAP upwards--flipping backwards and landing on Matt's shoulder! The Punk Rockstar stays on him, though, pulling Fugue into a fireman's carry position!

 

"FUGUE COUNTERS THE SKA STRETCH--BUT IT COULD BE TIME FOR GOOD CHARLOTTE!" Axis cries over the roar of the fans.

 

Myers turns, regarding the screaming fans for a fraction of a moment...then he pushes Fugue upward, sliding him over his shoulder...

 

 

 

 

 

...BUT FUGUE HANGS ONTO HIS ARM!

 

"FUGUE COUNTERS THE GOOD CHARLOTTE!" Axis cries.

 

"MYERS GOT HIM WITH THAT ONCE BEFORE!" the King yells. "I TOLD YOU FUGUE LEARNS FROM HIS MISTAKES!"

 

Myers staggers as he loses control of Fugue's dead weight, the musician hauling him down to the mat by his left arm! Another cry of pain from the Rockstar, but he quickly squirms away before Fugue can lock in a hold. Myers recovers himself, watching Fugue stand, then darts in to catch Fugue with a fist to the back of the neck! As the musician reels Matt clasps his head, then reaches down to catch an arm...

 

"Myers is going for the CATCH 22!" Axis yells.

 

"I don't care HOW many punk bands Myers likes!" the King yells. "COME ON, FUGUE!"

 

Myers sets himself, ducking...but Fugue seizes the moment and springs upward in a flip! Myers, surprised, falls backward too quickly and Fugue lands on his back!

 

"HE MISSED!" Axis cries. "Fugue forced Matt to make the move a fisherman's SUPLEX, keeping the impact OFF his neck!"

 

"What a COUNTER!" the King crows. "Matt should have known his arms were too hurt for THAT move!"

 

"This LONG match is taking a real toll on Matt Myers!" Axis cries. "Does he have ANYTHING left?"

 

Matt staggers to his feet, face wracked with pain. He glances at Fugue, then looks at the side of the cage again. A roar comes up from the fans as they realize his thoughts. Matt runs to the cage and climbs up, the noise mounting as he does--but behind him, Fugue stands up!

 

"Oh no! Matt, TURN AROUND!" Axis yells, along with all the fans in the audience.

 

Matt grits his teeth as he climbs--then suddenly springs backward, twisting his body as he flips backward through the air toward Fugue! The musician tries to dodge, or to catch the flying Myers, but is unable to do either as BOTH men tumble to a heap on the mat!

 

"The REEL BIG JUMP!" Axis spasms. "MATT HITS THE REEL BIG JUMP--OR DOES HE?"

 

"Damn, that took out BOTH MEN!" the King exclaims. "This match is CLOSE!"

 

Both men stir, slowly. Fugue shakes his head, raising his gaze to see Matt lying dazed on his stomach...

 

 

 

 

 

...AND GRABS BOTH OF MYERS' ARMS!

 

"THE MINOR CHORD!" Axis screams. "FUGUE LOCKS IN THE MINOR CHORD!"

 

"AND MATT'S ARMS HAVE TAKEN A HUGE BEATING!" the King yells. "HE'S GONNA TAP!"

 

But Matt continues to fight back! He strains and Fugue's legs come loose from his left arm--he grabs the cage and pulls himself out of the hold, then begins to kick Fugue while he's down!

 

"MATT GETS OUT OF THE MINOR CHORD!" Axis screams even louder, the fans deafening.

 

"Oh, come ON!" the King yells. "Fugue, lock it in PROPERLY!"

 

Myers stomps at Fugue, his face twisted in anger. Then he stops, collecting himself for a moment...then turns and leaps backward, landing stomach first on Fugue, who spasms in pain. Matt shakily brings himself to his feet, looking out at the cheering fans...

 

"A standing moonsault!" Axis cries. "Oh, Myers has a chance! He's gotta finish it here!"

 

"Or he may just BLOW his chance forever!" the King snaps.

 

Myers looks out at the fans, cheering him on. "MY-ERS! MY-ERS!" chants reverberate through the arena. A smile grows on his face, then a grin breaking through his pain. He darts to the side of the cage again, and the crowd goes ABSOLUTELY INSANE!...

 

 

 

 

 

...And FUGUE STANDS UP.

 

"Oh my GOD!" Axis squeaks. "Myers is going for a high-flying move--but Fugue isn't down yet!"

 

"Oh, man. This is gonna be BAD!" the King comments.

 

Fugue stands in the middle of the ring, swaying, shudders of pain running through his body...head cocked as he listens to something no one else can hear.

 

Myers climbs higher, slowly, three feet, five feet...

 

And then he stops, grimacing in pain! One arm comes loose as he shakes it grimly.

 

"Myers can't do it!" Axis cries. "His arms are TOO HURT!"

 

"That's it!" the King yells. "Fugue's GOT HIM!"

 

Fugue staggers over to the side of the cage and climbs steadily. He reaches Myers--and keeps climbing, pinning the Punk Rockstar to the side of the cage by his own body! Matt releases both his arms and desperately tries to flail at the musician behind him, pushing with his legs to make them both fall...

 

 

 

 

 

...Fugue grabs Myers' arms in a chickenwing hold and LEAPS BACKWARD OFF THE CAGE, DRIVING MYERS DOWN FIVE FEET TO THE MAT!

 

"THE CODA!" Axis screams apoplectically. "FUGUE HITS THE CODA OFF THE CAGE!"

 

"And there's only ONE WAY TO GO FROM HERE!" the King yells.

 

Fugue flips forward in a somersault, his legs hitting the cage and his body falling sloppily downward--but wrenching Myers' arms upward in the hold Fugue calls HARMONY! Myers struggles...AND WAVES ONE HAND, SLAPPING IT AGAINST THE AIR!

 

DINGINGING!

 

"FUGUE PUTS MYERS IN HARMONY!" Axis yells. "MYERS SUBMITS! FUGUE WINS!"

 

"Fugue gets a shot at the SJL TITLE!" the King adds. "And not only that--HE PUTS THE HURTIN' ON FRICKEN' MATT MYERS!" The cage shivers and raises up again, a tide of referees swarming into the ring to pull at the two competitors.

 

"My God, that was brutal--AND FUGUE ISN'T RELEASING THE HOLD!" Axis cries. The referees pull at Fugue but he yells at them, eyes wild.

 

"I told, you Axis--Fugue has gone OFF THE DEEP END!" the King asserts.

 

Eddy Long finally breaks Fugue's deathgrip, his arms releasing their pressure, Matt Myers' arms moving back into something like a normal position. Fugue struggles away, getting to his feet...AND PUNCHES EDDY LONG IN THE FACE!

 

"What the HELL is this?!?" Axis yells.

 

Fugue moves jerkily away from the gang of referees, staring wildly at them. Sexton Hardcastle approaches him--and Fugue dropkicks him! The other officials scatter and Fugue rolls out of the ring, landing on his hands and knees and staring up at the crowd.

 

"Oh, this is not good!" Axis says. "Johnny Dangerous has to face this--this MADMAN for the title!"

 

"Hey, it's all part of life in the SJL!" the King laughs. "Damn, I love this sport!"

 

"Well--whatever happens, it's sure to be intense!" Axis replies. "We'll find out how the championship match turns out next week on SJL Wrath! What a night! What a MATCH!" The camera zooms in for a closeup on Fugue's bloody face, his eyes slightly less wild with a hint of his former insane grin.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Da Show:

 

Johnny comes out to celebrate, and gets destroyed by what's left of the JL M7. Not cool, Zeus. Not cool.

 

G picks up two wins

 

G picks up another two wins. He's on a ROLL, people! He just pinned a movie star! I think that's a first....with the exception of that G/Milton Berle episode, which was just a big mistake to begin with...

 

Johnny isn't happy about getting beat up. What a crybaby.

 

Janus is chilling backstage and thinking and stuff. He's a big man AND an intellectual! He's the total package, baby!

 

Janus wins in a damn close match over IL and Arianwyn (god, I hope I spelled that right). This trio seems to work pretty well together.

 

Ejiro Fasaki retains his Ejiropean title, taking out Dace Night. Ejiro is really on a roll here.

 

And finally, his partner-in-crime Fugue takes out Myers, winning the #1 Contendership to the SJL World Title! Look out, Johnny...

 

 

 

And a note: I don't have time to make a card now. When I get home late this afternoon (probably about 6 EST), you'll get one. If for some reason you NEED a card, Z or King can make it. Otherwise, wait 12 hours. Once again, you'll have plenty of time for extensions if necessary (although as far as I can tell, Janus is the only one who does any writing before the last minute anyways...)