Metal Comments thread

[Guest Dace59]

Damn, this means I have to make full comments.

Damn again.

 

I lost because my match was a pile of bollocks.

The next one is gonna have a lot more time spent on it I think.

Only read Dace Ejiro at the moment to see how much I lost.

Well, Ejiro put Dace over good.

I would complain about the lack of count progression, and we know why.

 

Still, leaves me perfect room for the standard angle for this gimmick

 

Better go read the rest of them.

[Guest X briar rose X]

Haven't been able to finish reading the show, but like Dace, my match was also a pile of steaming horse extract.

 

What's with the big blank spaces where matches were supposed to be?

[Guest Dace59]

Hey, I said bollocks, not shit. I lost just because of that opening comment, that one was PURE GOLD, it was great.

Why oh why did Ejiro have you use my own moveset better than I do?

[Guest Dace59]

I'm to lazy to type match listings, so by the winner: And eermm.. I suck at this.

 

Janus - good soild stuff, working with the No DQ and keeping everyone busy, really coming along.

When you have the room, arty descriptions are always fun.

Match itself it good, and the ECW line is always good.

 

Ejiro - Killed me, just damn killed me in terms of writting. Great opening line like I said. I had you working on Dace's neck too.. strange.

Still, gives me motorvation and experince for next time.

 

Fugue - Cage Match bump goodness, and damn nice arm work, and having holds being sloppy due to being beaten around. That's how it is.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Where's the punishment punking I wrote for Spike Jenkins? Z asked me to write one and I sent it to him. It had the Memphis Eel, chimps, girl scouts and dancing bears in it, all you could ask for and more.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Frost: I never got it. If Z feels the need to, he can edit it in where the match should have been. Until then, G still holds the W.

 

And now, since I got extremely sick this morning, I have some free time. Therefore, despite the worst sinus headache I've ever had, you'll get your card. If it sucks, it's not my fault.....it's TNT's fault. EVERYTHING is TNT's fault. Expect the card in an hour.

[Guest Goodear]

I am back and making comments... all hail me!

 

Anyway, I'm going to make up nicknames for people because I am wacky like that...

 

Johnny Minnow in His Pants SPEEKS!

 

Commentary was awesome as always, as you have Axis' exilleration and King's dissapointment at having Johnny be champ pegged perfectly in my view.

 

“Finally… after what seemed like a never ending road, I can actually come out here and say to you all… Mission… accomplished!”

 

Sweet use of phrasing there, Johnny. Brings the whole spy thing into the wrestling world without sounding cliche' or trite. And i don't even know what trite means!

 

“What are they doing out here? This is Johnny’s victory speech! You don’t interrupt somebody’s first World Title victory speech.”

 

“First?” King questions with batting eyes.

 

Gold Jerry, GOLD!

 

“Confetti?”

 

“Something reserved for a ten year olds birthday party? My God, you know you would think that after the way I hammered Wildchild for similar stupidity, that someone would catch a clue! Do you need to suffer the similar fate in order to learn, Johnny? Do you need a twenty foot drop off a scaffold in order to learn that wrestling is NOT a joke! It is people like you and Wildchild that tarnish the good name of professional wrestling and make it a questionable sport! Upending everything me and the Magnificent Seven have tried to create!”

 

Don't make me bow to you! Don't make me do it! DAMN YOU! **BOWS** That rigth there is perfect Ejiro writing. Sort of takes the whole celebration and turns up the heat a notch huh? Nice use of bolding to make things pop out during your dialouge too.

 

High Pockets No shows...

 

and Baby Jesus Cries...

 

E! True Hollywood Story No shows...

 

and Baby Jesus looks on like he suspected that might have happened.

 

Johnny Minnow in his pants Won't shut up!

 

Johnny challenges me and Fugue to a handicapped match! Short and sweet, and totally appropriate after already having a promo. It's not like you are Triple H or anything.

 

Harvey Dent acts CRAZY!

 

Nice promo, highlighting the struggle Janus has, keeping his rage in check (assuming he's talking to himself there...) I might have put some italics in there to help differentiate the dialogue, but that's pretty quibbling.

 

Harvey Dent vs. Singing in the Arianwyn vs. The White Luchador that isn't Konan

 

You need to be a keep a closer eye on your spelling and gramar. A mistake here or there is perfectly fine, but it gets to be jarring after a bit.

 

Arianwyn stumbles to her feet, and Janus locks her up into a bearhug, and then smashes her tailbone on his knee with an inverted atomic drop before letting her go, and she falls to the ground, holding her tailbone.

 

Using the same part of the body in a description in such rapid succesion here (aka tailbone) is a bit unweildy to read in my opinion. Try changing what you call things every once in a while and it will sound better. Like in this case, a simple "small of her back in agony" might have been a better choice.

 

Axis: "Tell me something. Has anyone successfully nailed Janus with a crossbody so far?"

 

King: "You think I care!? Look at that!"

 

Nice bit of commentary there, acknowledging some of the things in Janus' history. Although you want to be a little careful not to over use it or it will be like Ric Flair getting thrown off the top rope...

 

The crowd boos as she sights that Janus is closer, and springs up on the top rope, then springs upward and spins about for a shooting star press.

 

Suicide King: "YES! The Bloodlust! This is it!"

 

Axis: "Oh no it isn't!"

 

Suicide King: "What!?"

 

As Arianwyn comes down on Janus, the seven footer lifts his arms, catching the female superstar and benchpressing her as he lays down. He then pushes her up and off him, sitting up.

 

So Janus caught Arianwyn in the middle of a shooting star press? Holy jeeze... and you didn't make a big deal out of it? Man, you come up with a spot like that, you make sure to drag as much life out of it as you can. Have Arianwyn and IL look totally SHOCKED that it happened... make everyone in the arena take a breath... take advantage of great spots and you'll turn into a better writer from it.

 

The giant lifts his arms, looking around him at the destruction. He drops down next to the Insane Luchador, and checks the face's pulse, apparently showing some concern. He mouths would could be a grim "Sorry" to the unconscious wrestler, and merely glares at the bodies of Arianwyn and Nocturna as he rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, lifting his arms once more in victory.

 

And this is what makes Janus a good character. The concern he shows after he demolishes someone is a really good emotional building element. Especially when you tie in the promo from before. Can Janus even stop himself if he wants to? WE SHALL SEE! And it will be one heck of a fun ride!

 

The Japaneese Name That Cannot Be vs. John Lennon in Zombie Form

 

Concerning Dace's I would complain about the lack of count progression, and we know why comment, I guess you're asking about why the later falls were basically as close as the early falls? Well, I figured the way Ejiro was injured from the scaffold match, any attacks on his ribs would be even more effective than usual and that's why an opening match northern lights got such a close count, as well as the backbreaker submission. And since I usually don't go too far THRE... when calling out near falls... that adds to the issue.

 

I also had some issues with my ending, because I really couldn't think of a way Fasaki could knock out Dace and I didn't want to go to the submission. So, that's where the ropes came in, and I thought it would be a good place to get that knee over again. Dace's character is fun to write though for those of you who haven't faced him yet.

 

The chest carving was Dace's idea by the way... SICK! I hope he doesn't do that for everyone though, he'll end up looking like Masato Tanaka gone graffiti!

 

This was my favorite commentary bit...

 

“Fasaki is acting like an animal in there, King. How can you complain about Dace’s nature when Ejiro is wrestling the way he is?”

 

“Well, quite simply. I have to defend Ejiro because he’s the heel and Night is the face. I thought our roles were pretty well defined by now Axis.”

 

“You’re such a hypocrite.”

 

“I’m a bad person. Hypocrisy is totally allowed under our bylaws.”

 

“Evil people have bylaws?”

 

“Yeah, if you think that’s a display of our organization, you should see our dental plan.”

 

Mr. Fuji vs. Matt Myers, no relation

 

"This match is chock full o' history!"

 

Anyone who uses "chock full o'" is a god to me.

 

"Very sound strategy by Myers," the King nods. "Almost EVIL™, in fact."

 

HA HA HA... INDEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

 

"It's the power of these fans that love him so much!" Axis says. The King snorts loudly.

 

I snort as well.

 

Myers is yanked off the cage, turning a backward somersault in midair. Fugue keeps his body straight through the long, flashbulb-laden fall...and lands on his feet, quickly stumbling to hands and knees but keeping a grip on Myers with one arm. Matt manages to be facing downward when he lands, breaking his fall as much as he can but still driving the breath out of his body, yelling in pain as his arm is nearly yanked out of its socket.

 

OW! OW! OW! I might have gone right to finish after this one... it was that good.

 

Anyway your transitions seem to come a little too quickly for me. Like one guy will hit a move, and then the other guy will get up first and hit a move. It works out a lot better for me when a guy gets the advantage and holds on for while before the other guy comes back. But then again, I'm patently bad at that type of match anyway... so I'm a poor judge.

 

 

WORD!

[Guest Dace59]

Thanks for the pimping.

As for the falls, I'm just a fan of build and progessrion.

Too me, it seems if you start with near falls due to injuries, it makes it harder to have good progression, and levels of selling.

The quick near falls at the start make sense.. but hmm.. It's a perosnal thing, and a match style.

Still a damn killer match.

[Guest Goodear]

I see what you're saying Dace and I think I pulled that off when Ejiro was making covers on you. I was trying to get over some sense of despiration for Ejiro though and thought the near falls would help me get that over. I should have had more Fasaki-description to get that over though.

[Guest Dace59]

You did pull it off.

It's just a personal view.

You can write you're own style, like a wrestler has their own style of selling and ring pysch.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Did anyone remind Mike Moran, Morin-Moron, whatever that he had a match to do and send it to me?

[Guest whatever37]

Did anyone remind Mike Moran, Morin-Moron, whatever that he had a match to do and send it to me?

Did anyone even remind him to post his stats? I have no clue how to write my Wrath match without stats...so maybe someone could tell him to post his stats? Please??

[Guest realitycheck]

Oi, crap. Sorry, Frost, I totally forgot about your punishment match. Tis' edited into the show now.

 

And since I posted... I suppose this means I have to read and comment on the show now. Damn! Well, I'll get around to it... uh... soon.

 

-Z

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

whatever37: I assume you're C4. Nice to meet you. And since Moran never posted his stats, you can make it up. Personally, I prefer to make him a 3'3" midget named Booker Wee. It works well. But if they aren't there, do whatever the hell you want. It's not your problem.

[Guest SupaTaft]

Well, I guess I've got some explaining to do.

 

Let me start out with a sorry. When TNT asked me if I wanted to help round out the card I agreed. Excited to write Hossly again, I put off the match till yesterday. Now here comes the kicker. You'd expect that by now I'd remember what days the shows are on right? Well, it appears as though I may have taken one to many head/nut shots and forgot completely.

 

When I got home from school today, I sat down, eager to finish my match. First I decided to sit down and tell my marker my match was to be late and much to my shock and groinal displeasure I found that the match was due yesterday and I had been royally owned by Mr. Galatea. So here I am now, delivering a formal appology to all looking forward to the promised Hoss squash.

 

The stats will be up soon C4, and I SHALL show up. I'll job for Galatea, but not for you. No offense man.

 

-Taft