Guest first_isaac Report post Posted March 6, 2002 Upon further review... Maybe you shouldn't read this. WWF Vengeance 2001 This was supposed to be a review of Vengeance, but we all know there are other places around the corner to find stuff like that. So. What I did was watch the show and just type whatever came to my mind, whether it had anything to do with the matches or not. I did, however, give results of the matches. Read at your own risk and feel free to send feedback. If you don’t like what you read that’s a shame, because I had a lot of fun writing it. Our hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler and we’re live from San Diego, CA. Vince jump-starts the PPV. It sounds like J.R. has seen Beverly Hills Cop a few times. “Deep, deep, deep undercover.” Bottom line of this segment is Vince says, “He who laughs last laughs loudest.” Ric Flair comes out to shut Vince up and remind me the name of the PPV. Thanks Ric. Scottie 2 Hottie & Albert –vs.- Test & Christian I miss T&A. Actually; I miss where they’d carry Trish over the top rope. Do Albert and Scottie still team together? Anyway. The match is basic back and forth action until Christian tries to do the worm, which fails. Then after he tries to give the Unprettier to each member of the other team a couple of times he gets Baldo-bombed for the pin. It wasn’t that bad. Doesn’t Scottie look like he’d be a mechanic? Winners: Scottie & Albert Regal questions Coachman’s questioning of his questionable methods. Intercontinental Championship Match: Edge© –vs.- William Regal Did you know that Edge is the wrestler who unified the IC and US titles? Possibly. But I bet you DID know that Regal was the charter member of Vince’s “kiss my ass club.” Perverts. Edge’s entrance kicks ass, by the way. Are European uppercuts legal in European boxing? I think baby Hebner is a better ref than his dad. Actually, I think most of the younger refs are better than Hebner, White and Long. Uh, oh. Regal just put the brass knucks in his tights. Wait… is this Hebner kid Earl or Dave’s son? Hadn’t thought about that. Regal’s been dominating the match most of the way, but Edge gets a spear on Regal while he’s putting on his brass knuckles. Winner: Edge Angle is rude to Flair. That bastard. How many events do you think Kurt could have won at the Winter Olympics? I say a minimum of 12. Lita and Matt talk. I saw the WWF Fear Factor. Lita looked OK. I still love her, though. Molly is really cute. Man…. Matt Hardy –vs.- Jeff Hardy Lita is our guest referee. This contest is scheduled for one fall! The time limit isn’t specified. I could see Matt being from NC, but Jeff looks all Kentucky. Whatever that means. I never thought of this until now, but your footing has to switch over when going from a backhand to forehand chop, unless you switch hands of course. Damn it! I swore I wouldn’t make any “Jeff is gay” remarks, but the colors of his hair are the exact same as my girlfriend’s. Did anyone see the WWA PPV? Dumb question. Anyway. A.J. Styles delivered a dropkick then back flipped and landed on his stomach. It was neat. Lita counts 3 after a Swanton by Jeff. Matt’s foot was on the ropes for the count of 2. Lita didn’t see it. Winner: Jeff Hardy Trish and Rock talk. I liked the softer, kinder Rock because you were always waiting for him to bust someone’s balls. Tag Team Championship Match: Dudley Boyz w/ Stacey © –vs.- Big Show & Kane Yankem forgot to strap his boots properly. B.S. runs… Kane is the sparkplug of this team. Heheh… We get to see Stacey bent over in her panties. We have a winner! Devon Waaazups! into Kane’s roasted nuts. Kane and Show keep banging each other, which always leads to trouble. Dudleys take advantage and hotshot Show onto an exposed turnbuckle for the win. Winners: Dudley Boyz Lita and Matt have problems. Hardcore Championship Match: Undertaker –vs.- Rob Van Dam© If Taker didn’t ride his damn bike to the ring maybe that would be more heelish. You think? RVD has bangs. Taker uses a Mexican flag to choke RVD. That used to be called a foreign object before the NAFTA. Anyone remember those hypercolor shirts? They looked kind of like tye dye, but when you squeezed the material for a while the warmth from your hand would change the shirts color. One day when I got home from school I saw one on my bed. I was SO excited! I ran over and squeezed, and squeezed it and squeezed it. Guess what. That’s right. Nothing happened. It was a fake. Don’t let anyone tell you that there’s never a good reason to powerbomb your mom. RVD gets chokeslammed off the stage and pinned. Winner: Undertaker Flair tells Jericho to pull “it” off. HHH makes his long awaited return. No…. that didn’t happen at RAW a few weeks later. It was here. Really. The WWF always delivers when they say they will. Women’s Championship Match: Trish Stratus© –vs.- Jackie I give Trish my “Washer Award”. She works hard, bumps all over the place, makes a lot of noise and if sat on properly can probably give most women an orgasm. But seriously, I think she’s constantly getting better in the ring, even if it’s in small increments. I think that when the roster split occurs Smackdown! should be an all woman show. All women. And Spike. Trish wins with a backslide. Winner: Trish Stratus Video Package: One great company. One great champion. Awesome. WWF Heavyweight Championship Match: Kurt Angle –vs.- Steve Austin Wasn’t it nice of Stone Cold to name one of his moves after Lou Thesz? Austin attacks the left side of Angle’s body. Most wrestlers have tattoos don’t they? I wanna be a wrestler. Good thing I have a tattoo of a lizard trying to get in my BUTT. It’s getting late. I need to meet my dad for lunch tomorrow before I take a trip to Houston. Does anyone know any good clubs to go to on Friday or Saturday night in Houston? Email me. Stunner wins it for Austin. Winner: Steve Austin World Title Championship Match: Rock© –vs.- Chris Jericho Arm drags are cool. Shit. I just realized that I might not see wrestling next week. I’m moving and might not have cable by Monday and UPN is suddenly off the air for the past 3 days. What will become of me? Wait! There’s still lucha libre! And local IWF TV. Watching Desperado Gonzalez defend his Texas title fills me with WHATS! and WHATS! Rock DDTs Y2Jon the announce table. If one of my roommates wakes up and sees me watching wrestling right now I’ll never hear the end of it. I might have to wash dishes or something. Rock is clearly in a stance that allows you to “leap frog” over him, but Y2J is a sloppy worker he ends up breaking Rock down instead. Rock gets the advantage, but Vince runs down allowing Jericho to low blow, then Rock Bottom Rock. 1,2,3. Winner: Chris Jericho Unified Championship Match: Chris Jericho –vs.- Steve Austin Angle and Rock attack Austin and Jericho respectively. As I get more and more sleepy my hearing has been getting worse. I can no longer hear what JR and JL are saying thus I’m lacking material. I think oscillating fan covers would make cool hubcaps for my truck. For those of you that have not seen the crappy featurette on the Caddyshack DVD. What’s the worst part of oral sex? The view. Ref bump. Ref bump. Booker T bumps Austin. Y2J wins! Yeehaw! Vince laughs last. Winner: Chris Jericho Goodnight. Email me with whatever @ [email protected] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
