Guest evenflowDDT Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Voice Over Welcome to a leaky, dank basement in lovely Pacifica, CA for the First Annual evenflowDDT Awards! They're better because they're independent! And now, the founder and sponsor of this ceremony... evenflowDDT! ::silence. evenflowDDT stumbles out of his room, drops an empty bottle of vodka and hits a button for the worst canned heat this side of a Mark Henry match:: evenflowDDT A day late they said. A buck shhort. Well, tha never shotpped me befur, now hash it, Lo-fucking-Lz~!?@~# Firsht I gotsa get shomeghing ofah m chest... ferfgive the uncharacterishtic rudensas, but... FUCK ALL YO PUNK (Princess) MONKEY BISCHES!!!! MAYBE WHEN YUR DONE DRINKING THE PISS FROM YUR MOM'SH DIRRRTY CUNT OU'LL REALISE WHO TAH MO-FUKCING CORFE OF DISH BORED ISH... ITSH NO FUKCIN DAMESH! SHOMEBOYSH GOTTA BE DA BAD GFUY DAMES>>> ITSH NOT YOU ITSH ME DAMMIT! ITSH NO FUKCIN KINECTIDC... I CALED UP DEF FUKCING LEOPAPRD JES FOR YOU TONIHGT!!! I GOAT THE BRST NO WHY? NO THE FUCKING BEST IS ME, ME, EVFENLOW GOD-DAMNED D T~!!~!~!@~!# BU I DIN'T EVENFOLW GET ONE VOTE FO R ANYIHNG!! SHO I MAKE MY OWN FUCKIN AWRADS FUCK YOU ALL!!!!! ::evenflowDDT makes to walk away but drops to the floor and pukes:: Voice Over Billy Crystal was unable to make it tonight, but his Pacifican celebrity replacement... Rob Schneider! ::Rob Schneider walks in eating some Chinese food:: Rob Schneider Thank you! I didn't get a lot for this gig, but I got enough for food at Tam's. Pacifican cuisine so great I wrote it into my HI-LARIOUS film The Animal! There's sure to be more laughs with my upcoming film... uhhh... The HOt Chick! That's it! G'night ladies and gentlemen! ::Rob Schneider leaves:: Voice Over Erm... and now, Crash Holly! Crash Holly For some reason, you all hate me, but to one man, whether I'm Erin O'Grady or jobbing to Albert, I'm always the Hometown Hero. And that's this man right here, evenflowDDT. It's my honor to present him the honor for Best Raven Mark. Dude, wake up, I'm about to announce your award! ::Crash Holly stomps evenflowDDT until he wakes up:: evenflowDDT Thish ish my MOMENNT OG FLORYA~!! Crash Holly And the winner for Best Raven Mark is... RAVENBOMB! Erm... ::evenflowDDT, outraged, shoves Crash against the wall:: evenflowDDT WTF U MEAN UUI VOTED FOR HIM?! I LOS MTTY OWNN FUCKIN AWRD... NOW I'M PREAYYT STRUNG MAD!!!! GAEGT THE AIFUKC OUTA MY HOUAE BITCH ::Crash gives evenflowDDT a Styles Cl... "Crash Landing" and leaves:: Voice Over The next award, for... oh, pizza's here? Catch ya later Ed. Uhh... more of the First Annual evenflowDDT Awards later tonight, with special appearances by Punk Princess, The Golem, and Def Leppard!
Guest Kinetic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 I'm disappointed at the lack of Billy Crystal. I call bait and switch, man. Bait and switch!
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Hmm... I didnt get any votes either...
Guest Incandenza Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Oh, please. No more Punk Princess, I beg of you.
Guest Kinetic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 I could say the same for Def Leppard.
Guest Incandenza Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 I don't think evenflow can accept that Punk Princess was such a disaster. Poor guy.
Guest LooseCannon Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Congratulations to Ravenbomb.
Guest Sandman9000 Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 At least I got a vote for Worst Poster. Sucka. And I'm starting to regret teaching 'Flow here how to smoke crack.
Guest evenflowDDT Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Voice Over Jesus, this is terrible. But hey, at least there's free pizza... what a disaster. Oh, we're back. Speaking of disasters, here's Def Leppard and Punk Princess!!! ::Def Leppard and Punk Princess, acoustic guitar in hand, perform live covers of "Hysteria" and "Sk8r Boi". If there was an audience, they've long since left as Punk Princess takes the next envelope:: Punk Princess It's hard to gain credibility when you're a washed up '80s band. It's hard to run a message board when INVADERS ARRIVE THEN THINK YOU AREN'T YOU! Hmph. Oh, and it's even harder to keep up as a prolific poster on a board like this when you're a dial-up user. So, I'm proud to present the award for Best Dial-Up User with Over 4000 Posts. Your winner is... Marvinisalunatic?!?!?! ::"Punk Princess" tears off "her" wig, sets it on fire, then smashes it with "her" acoustic guitar. She grabs another bottle of vodka and downs it.:: evenflowDDT FUCKINA DISAHASHTRE... FUKCIN' BITCH! YUO WERA SPOSED TO VOTE FOR ME DAMINT!!!!!! Voice Over Poor guy. This is pretty depressing, so... let's take a short break, brought to you by Isaac Hayes, University of California Santa Cruz' patented Teleslug System, and this poor sap's Amazon wishlist! If you're going to waste your money, why not waste it on me... err... he.
Guest Sandman9000 Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Yeah, it was a bad idea to teach Evenflow to smoke crack. Crack + pressure from skewl and finals + internet + crack = the shit above.
Guest Kinetic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 I suspect that the drunk thing isn't an act, folks. Speed writing is fun and exciting. Writing while high from pot is hard and you're easily distracted. Writing while drunk is damn near impossible. Your fingers are all over the keyboard, you're suddenly attracted to your monitor, you can't conjugate worth a damn...it's hard. So let's cut Evenflow some slack. He's clearly going through some trying times.
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Whoo. Im the best dialup user with over 4000 posts.. Makes me want to re-add the dialup warriors thing to my signature..
Guest Agent of Oblivion Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Writing while high from pot is hard and you're easily distracted. Are you fucking kidding? <---2640 and counting.
Guest Kinetic Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Well, I can't do it. I was actually high when the first reports about the Bradshaw-locker room-manlove things came out, and I flipped out. I think I ruptured internal organs when I read about him trying to get that referee to smuggle liquor across the Canadian border.
Guest evenflowDDT Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Voice Over Hey... who left the camera on? Oh! Why, there are still some awards left, of course. Here's... ummmm... eh. I'll just do it because I gotta get to work. The Award for Best Cult Movie Fan goes to... C.H.U.D.?! Let's try again... The Award for Best TheSmartMarks Review of a Cult Movie Involving Monsters and Violence (Ha!) goes to... O.R. Polk for his review of Le Pacte des Loups [brotherhood of the Wolf]! Hmph... and finally, the award for Best Poster Named Edward is.................................. EDWARD WILLIAM BONHAM III?!?!?!?!?! Fuck this, I'm outta here. I'm late for work anyway. ::evenflowDDT stumbles out of bed with red eyes and his hands on his head:: evenflowDDT Oy, my head... hey what's this? ... Fudge.
Guest Sandman9000 Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 ::Takes crackpipe away from Evenflow::
Guest Kotzenjunge Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Believe it or not Ed isn't at home Please leave a message at the beep He must be out, or he'd pick up the phone Where could he be? Believe it or not He's not home!! (a cookie for who can place that reference)
Guest KingOfOldSchool Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Seinfeld. I forget which ep it is though.
Guest Kotzenjunge Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 (Gives Manson half a cookie)
Guest Spaceman Spiff Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 The Seinfeld ep. where they pitch in to get a chair for someone. That's George's answering machine message. Of course, George is just ripping off the theme song from "The Greatest American Hero"
Guest Kotzenjunge Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 (gives Spiff the other half of the cookie)
Guest Spaceman Spiff Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 ::deserves a whole cookie for the "TGAH" info::
Guest Kotzenjunge Posted December 14, 2002 Report Posted December 14, 2002 Did we ever figure out if Ed was on crack or what when he typed this?
Guest Kotzenjunge Posted December 14, 2002 Report Posted December 14, 2002 I'd like to use this thread to inform everyone that after I blocked all eight or nine of her screen names on AIM, Alina has now registered at ImpressingRoom.com and is harassing me there too. So anyone I told to join that site to see what people thought of you, forget about it.
Guest MrRant Posted December 14, 2002 Report Posted December 14, 2002 I think its obvious that you two are in love.
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