The one and only stupid local commercials thread

[Guest kingkamala]

Seeing as how the thread is about commercials I decided to put it in this forum. Some of the stupid commercials running in my area are:

 

Appliance Man(This guy "flies" around giving people advice on buying appliances. Oh yeah and he's a fifty something guy wearing a cheap homemade costume)

 

Jolly John(A middle aged car salesman who's dressed up as a painter, a giant banana,Santa Claus, a ballarina and a pirate just to sell people cars that make people jolly)

 

Oh yeah and George Steele was in a commercial for some Rent-A-Center knockoff store two or three years back. He was wrestling some masked guy for some reason. He also chewed the turnbuckles for old times sake.

[Guest starvenger]

In Houston:

- A local carpet guy really annoys me. He kinda looks like Rod Roddy but sounds like John Lovitz.

 

- The other thing I hate is that some Houston radio stations have the DJs do a LOT of shilling. For instance they "happen" to get a call from a local car dealer, or they "happen" to be surfing the net and segue that into shilling for a dialup ISP.

 

In Toronto:

- Oliver Jewlery. You know (well if you lived in Toronto you'd know), the "I buy your jewelery" guy.

- Leeza Gibbons for EZRock FM. Annoys me because they didn't even bother trying to get a local celebrity to shill for them, and got a c-level talk show host instead. Replacing local fame with mediocrity, now THERE's a winning strategy.

[Guest bob_barron]

I hate that Leeza Gibbons ad- I think she does them all for the stations owned by that company

[Guest DragonflyKid]

Any commercial where someone with no charisma attempts to create personality by showing too much enthusiasm and going overboard into annoyance.

[Guest Grenouille]

Jolly John(A middle aged car salesman who's dressed up as a painter, a giant banana,Santa Claus, a ballarina and a pirate just to sell people cars that make people jolly)

Oh, come on who doesn't love Jolly John? He isn't Jolly if your not happy.

 

Anyway a commercial I despise has a little kid in grocery store who's looking for milk so he goes inside the milk case to see his friends the Oakhurst family who live inside the refrigerator I guess.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

the worst is when the owners of local businesses stick their kids in the commercials... they just sit there, slack jawed and glassy eyed, and they mumble so bad you can't understand a word they say... if they couldn't even land a part in the school play, they don't need to be in a commercial

 

there's also a graphics place around here that has a dog in their commercial for no reason at all. The whole commercial is just a shot of a dog sitting there while a voice over talks about how they've got the best deals in town

 

oh yeah, and the use of horrible cgi for pretty much no reason is bad. There's a law firm here that has their 800 number flying across the screen over a badly rendered forest

[Guest DrainYou42]

Most local car dealers, Jack Quirk and Sid Porter come to mind.

 

Anything realting to the local news channel(Channel 2) that doesn't involve Kevin Mannix.

[Guest SP-1]

The Western Sizzling here in moncks corner has a commercial that consists of:

 

Footage of old people, for the most part, at hip level to show their hands putting food from the buffet bar onto their plates. It looks as if it were shot with my Sony Handicam, has some slow Kuntry music playing in the background and a barrage of words done in stunningly cheesy fonts that fly from a backgrown distance up across the screen.

 

Words such as:

 

HOT!

EGGS

BACON

 

etc.

 

My friends and I cracked up and used it as cheap laugh material for a while.

[Guest razazteca]

there is a Fat Man the size of Paul Bearer shrilling everything from furniture to direct tv, he does the usual "everything must go" with a windmill hand gimmick. Its actually funny

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

I'm in Toronto but for some reason a lot of Buffalo commercials make their way over here, such as the infamous " Lockport Gambino" used car ads. If those men died tommorow I wouldn't cry.

 

I also hate

 

- Any and all commercials where families look supremely happy while eating food. One such commercial that comes to mind is the McCains Tasty Taters commercial. I swear to God that family are doped out of their minds while eating the food, they just look so damned happy!

 

- The Subway commercial that starts off with the guy going into a Subway and saying "Sing it to me Laurie"...I plan on doing that one day just to see what the persons reaction is.

 

- The Johnsonville Brautwerst commercial with those two guys sitting on a dock. I swear to fuck if I was the guy cooking said sausages I'd stab the other prick in the eye with my tongs if he was being that annoying.

[Guest Karnage]

Here in Vancouver, theres this bizarre commercial on the TV listings channel where a CG character who looks suspiciously like The Rock with blonde hair and even does the eyebrow.

His name is Cashflow Joe and he beats a heel called Money Troubles and talks about how you could borrow up to 500 dollars from Payroll Loans.

[Guest MDH257]

there is a Fat Man the size of Paul Bearer shrilling everything from furniture to direct tv, he does the usual "everything must go" with a windmill hand gimmick. Its actually funny

That guy does commercials for a satalite dealer here in Houston. They once interviewed him on the news and said he was an actor that does ads in a lot of cities.

 

There's a lawyer here named Jim Adler who does ads like this:

 

"I'm Jim Adler, The TEXAS HAMMER and I want to help you get all the money you've got comming to you."

 

" Jim Adler got me 50,000 dollars."

 

"50,000 dollars. That's a lot of money. Call me Jim Adler."

[Guest starvenger]

there is a Fat Man the size of Paul Bearer shrilling everything from furniture to direct tv, he does the usual "everything must go" with a windmill hand gimmick.  Its actually funny

That guy does commercials for a satalite dealer here in Houston. They once interviewed him on the news and said he was an actor that does ads in a lot of cities.

 

There's a lawyer here named Jim Adler who does ads like this:

 

"I'm Jim Adler, The TEXAS HAMMER and I want to help you get all the money you've got comming to you."

 

" Jim Adler got me 50,000 dollars."

 

"50,000 dollars. That's a lot of money. Call me Jim Adler."

I often find commercials by lawyers more slimy than stupid, but that's just my own feelings on them...

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Here in Houston:

 

Nova's Furniture

The "That's a fact Jack" guy

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I HATE with a passion the 'Super Fries' commercials with "jay" where he is just at the table eating french fries like the retarded fuck that he is. GRR!

 

The Subway Commericals - seriously, they're freakin subs, not Jesus. The cross was made out of wood, not fresh baked bread served with his choice of toppins.

 

The freakin commercial that starts out with "Can anybody fiiiiind meeee" - I HATE that commercial. I think it's for speedy but I am not sure cause I run and hide when it comes on.

 

The "Hi Mom" commercials from the Gambino family - I wish death upon their mother...muhahahaha.

 

Best commercial: Pop Tarts.... BAAAAAM!

[Guest LaParkaMarka]

- The Subway commercial that starts off with the guy going into a Subway and saying "Sing it to me Laurie"...I plan on doing that one day just to see what the persons reaction is.

First thing I thought of when I saw this thread was Subway. The Clay Henry and Jared stuff isn't that bad, but that blonde guy...ARGH. Every commercial he is in is intensely stupid. Like where he mocks Drive-Thru employees, or when he invades that Frat House. Why is he hanging around a frat house in the middle of the night? And especially the latest one; he's not nearly as annoying as everyone else is in that commercial. These two girls come in, and one girl says "Two <whatevers> with Jalepenos" and the other girl says "Because we like it HOT". It was just so stupid! Who would ever say that? Does that make people want to go to Subway? Ugh.

 

Also: I hate those "Hearty Beefy Chunky" Caveman soup commercials. What is up with that? Are they marketing to retarded Canadian males now or what? Ho ho, the Caveman likes hockey now, oh the hilarity! *gag*

[Guest redbaron51]

Low budget commercials that look like they were made 10 years ago, somehow pulled out of a closet and now they are made

[Guest GeneMean]

Here in Houston:

 

Nova's Furniture

The "That's a fact Jack" guy

 

AMEN

 

When I lived in Houston it seems the airwaves were constantly bombarded with these horrible ads about workmans comp attorneys. I hated those damn things.

 

Here in Indy we've got this ambulance chaser named Stanley Kahn and his horrible catchphrase of "Sometimes a name says it all."

[Guest DerangedHermit]

Crappy LI/tri-state commercials:

- Some furniture store in Medford. Two middle-aged bald men are wrestling on a sofa and a table. Also various other fake ass skits.

[Guest ISportsFan]

We have a local commercial in Illinois about insurance - "Eagleman."

 

Basically, two women are talking in front of a car that just got into an accident, and then a loud crash occurs on top of the car. One says, "Do you have insurance on this car?" The other says, "No!" Then the first says, "It must be Eagleman!"

 

Then the eagle (obviously a mascot-like dressed up human) lays an egg with a big bounce sound playing in the background. The egg cracks, and then the camera pans to the females who immediately say in unison, "Oh, look at those low rates!" Then they show the cracked egg didn't have a little eagle in there, but it had a card with all the insurance rates for different people in age brackets/marriage status.

 

Basically, it's the worst and corniest commercial I've ever seen.

 

Jason

[Paul Stanley 0]

In MN it don't get no better than Greg Gagne selling car insurance!

[Guest lomasmoney]

here in michigan we have bo schimmers, an attorney with long hair who has the cheesiest commercials ever. One is where the guy is one the porch and he's talking to his wife about his drinking. She wants and divorce, so the guy gets pissed and grabs his daughter. Him and the wife go back in forth tugging on the daughter in the most absurd fashion ever. The commercial looks like it cost about 7 dollars to make and the acting is worse than what you would see on W.O.W

[Guest Downhome]

I am not sure it's local to just my area, but we have on here with the one and only Mr. T in it, portraying a ghost from the Scrooge story...

 

...it's for one of those quick cash places, fool!

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

Any commercials for Value home centers.

It's the same thing in all of them: the stupid spokesman rings on someone's doorbell to make sure they're still satisfied with the products they bought at Value. Of course, they always are. Did I mention that these have the corniest acting this side of an elementary school play? Everyone in the commercial keeps the biggest, goofiest grin on their faces the entire time. At the end of the commercials, the spokesman and the customers do a faglike dance to the crappy jingle.

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

All in the Denver area.

 

I forget these guys' names, but they look to be middle-aged and badly tanned. They dress and act like surfer guys (Whoaaa, Duuude). They do these ads for a local adult franchise called "Pleasures"... The tagline at the end of these commercials is "Let's all party at Pleasures!", when it's evident that none of the girls in the commercials would ever, ever be with these two guys. Recently, they've also been in ads for Freaky's, another franchise, this time specializing in tattoos, piercings and other stuff aimed towards the counter-culture crowd.

 

Another guy is a car dealer named Dealin' Doug. He's your typical car dealer, always dressing up in the dumbest costumes. But then again, which area -doesn't- have a guy like that?

 

I think these next two guys are called The Furniture Guys, or something like that. They own a place called The Furniture Room, I think. Their acting is atrocious.... pornography levels.

 

The next guy is a spokesman for a car dealer, a relatively reputable one at that. But this guy is one of the most dorkiest bitches on my tv. First, he shows up in some lime green velvet sportjacket. Then, they progressively got dumber as this tool points to the next car and waddles off screen... Not really waddles, but he has this stride where it looks like he has to take shit. This guy just has a face and this aura that makes you want to kick the shit out of him.

 

Of course, another one for a car dealership. This one is for Rocky's Autos. You got the fat guy named Shaggy, a young decent-looking chick, and a police officer. They were in one skit where Bill Clinton came through, and as the owner is cleaning out the car he finds panties, cigars and all this crap.... the Clinton jokes were over five years ago, dammit. Another one is where they aim for the most low-brow humour possible, and they have Shaggy wet his pants at the thought of something or other. Another thing about the commercials that there have been at least three different "Shaggys"... A fat guy, replaced by a skinny guy, replaced by another fat guy.

 

None of these may seem too bad, and I'm sure there are others that I'm just not remembering, but it's compounded because these ads are on all the fucking time, on all the fucking channels. Choose to watch an hour of tv, and they're there.

[Guest phoenixrising]

In the L.A. area - Larry H. Parker.

 

He's a dorky looking lawyer who runs daytime ads. I remember them being on all the time when I used to watch Gilligan's Island in the afternoon. Anyway all the people are telling you how much Larry H. Parker won for them.

 

Then at the end...Larry H. Parker points at the screen and says his catchphrase - "I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU!!!"

 

Then it tunes out to a black dude (the same one) who says "Larry H. Parker got me...2.1 million". Actually I should give him credit because he has changed. Now on the commercials, he's out in some resort and says "Larry H. Parker got me 2.1 million and man am I loving it!"

 

Thank God I never tune in to the local FOX affiliate in the afternoons anymore unless it's football.

[Guest DerangedHermit]

Oh, and some more...

 

Rock Rock Rock Rockaway Bedding Yeah! (That song pisses me off so much)

Subway commercials (fuck Subway and Jared and the Blond Bytch - Blimpie's and local hero shops are better)

College/vocational school ads that honestly look like they were made in 1990

[Guest Mattdotcom]

Here's one:

 

The Commercial: An add for local radio station WZYP.

 

The Concept: The morning DJs (Chris and Didi) are looking for a talking dog like Taco Bell has, but the dogs don't talk. No, really.

 

Why I Mention It: The third dog BITES Chris, who screams, "Oh, sh**!"

 

Said Third Dog does say something. We assume his mouth moves because he's chewing finger.

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

Another one I'm reminded of...

 

I'm sure it's not just local, but there's this bad ad right now for a 3D goggles/computer hookup. It honestly looks like it was shot in the early '90s, and it has people sitting in front of their computer dancing around like idiots, as they marvel at the wonder of these 3D goggles. Bad production values through and through.

[Guest The Czech Republic]

We have a local commercial in Illinois about insurance - "Eagleman."

 

Basically, two women are talking in front of a car that just got into an accident, and then a loud crash occurs on top of the car. One says, "Do you have insurance on this car?" The other says, "No!" Then the first says, "It must be Eagleman!"

 

Then the eagle (obviously a mascot-like dressed up human) lays an egg with a big bounce sound playing in the background. The egg cracks, and then the camera pans to the females who immediately say in unison, "Oh, look at those low rates!" Then they show the cracked egg didn't have a little eagle in there, but it had a card with all the insurance rates for different people in age brackets/marriage status.

 

Basically, it's the worst and corniest commercial I've ever seen.

 

Jason

EAGLEMAN!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

 

But you forgot his catch phrase:

 

"I've got something for YOOUUU!"

 

Other great Chicago commercials: "Where you always save more money," Peter Francis Geraci, and so so many more. Sweet Home Chicago indeed.

 

However, the ones from Wisconsin, "Rosen Rosen Rosen" and "Who Let The Kias Out?" SUCK.