OAOAST IntenseZone - 12/16/02

[Guest Sandman9000]

 

 

 

 

Show will be up in minutes!

[Guest Sandman9000]

The pryo goes off, the crowd erupts, and it’s another jam-packed edition of Intense Zone! Tonight, not only do Alfdogg and SuperStar battle in a ladder match to determine the fate of the newly re-established Deadly Alliance, but it’s two OAOAST star’s birthdays today! Zack Malibu and Sandman9000 are a little older, wiser (well, Zack maybe), and who knows how they’ll celebrate tonight?

 

But first, we’ll start with a, wait a minute, it’s BPP!

 

BIG POPPA POPICK is making his way to the ring to a mixed reaction. No music, all business.

 

BPP: “Tony "The Body" ! Get your ass out here, right now!”

 

”Simply Ravishing” hits as TONY "THE BODY"; legend, sexiest man in the world, and just an all around super guy, makes his way to the ring.

 

BPP: “For the past few months, 'Body', we've been up and down. At one time-at one time we worked in the same office building. We would go into every city and party till sunrise. I would be surround by men, you by all those h-o-t -- hot, hot, hot women.”

 

CROWD POPS; Tony nods his head with a smile

 

BPP: “But Tony, you're past your prime. Hell, you claim to be a legend, but your aren't. You claim to be sexy -- well, I can't say anything bad about that because you are. However, come Sunday, December 29th, Bloody, Battered & Beaten -- Last Man Standing...! I'm going to show you why Tony "The Body" is dead. You're nothing more than a shadow of your former self. "The heartbreaker, Show-stealer, main eventing, 5 star carrying son of a bitch" is dead. I suggest you go home and think about the wife and son you don't have yet, and confess. Confess you aren't the same Tony "The Body" we once knew. Confess you can't stand toe-to-toe with the Big Poppa Popick.”

 

TONY "THE BODY" just looks at BPP and exits the ring.

 

BPP: “Big Poppa Popick is your hook up. Holla, if ya hear me!”

 

 

Commerical

[Guest Sandman9000]

Sandman9000 is seen storming down a hallway, pissed off more then usual. Sandman grabs a trash can and throws it against a wall, screaming profanities the entire time. An OAOAST worker tries to confront Sandman, but Sandman knocks him out before the worker can even open his mouth. Sandman stomps his way to the OAOAST locker room and opens the door to complete darkness. Sandman flips on the lightswitch.

 

“Surprise!”

 

The other aWo members, AngleSault, Angle-Plex, Some Guy, and CobainWasMurdered, spring up from behind tables. Barbed wire is strung around the room, as “Happy Birthday Sandman!” is spelled out with lightbulbs on the far corner. A blood-red birthday cake with the same message spelled out in thumbtacks is on one of the tables, as presents are abound. Sandman, however, looks to be the only one unhappy in the room.

 

Sandman: “What the fuck is all of this bullshit? I said, don’t fucking do anything for me today!”

 

Angle-Plex: “We know man, but everyone says that about their birthday, we just thought…”

 

Sandman: “Shut the fuck up Agnes, you fucking piece of…”

 

AngleSault: “Sandman, calm down. Agnes, shut the fuck up. Now, Sandman, we know you don’t like parties, but we threw you one anyway. Look, we even got you presents that we know you’ll like!”

 

The aWo members hold up various sloppily wrapped presents.

 

Sandman: “Fuck this shit, I’m not celebrating a fucking useless day. Whoop de doo, I’m another fucking year old, one fucking year closer to dying.”

 

CWM: “Dude, cut it with the fucking swearing. Besides, what the fuck are you so mad about? Dude, Earth to Sandman, you beat Evenflow! You beat him, remember? He said “I Quit!””

 

Sandman: “Fuck off.”

 

Sandman storms out of the room, knocking over a spiked (thanks CWM) punch bowl and turning the lights off on his way out. The aWo sits in the dark.

 

SG: “I think he’s angry.”

 

AS: “What is he so angry about? He’s always angry about something. He just needs some “Sweet Emotion!” Swwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttt…”

 

CWM: “Something touched me. Agnes, where are you, and it better not be near me.”

 

 

 

Sandman is outside of the aWo locker room, looking for something to break. Sandman bumps into Zack Malibu, who is signing the birthday song to himself.

 

Zack: “Happy bizarth-dizay to me, happy bizarth-dizay to me, happy, oh, hey Sandie! Happy birthday to us man!”

 

Zack extends his hand, Sandman glares at it.

 

Zack: “Common manners dictate that when another fellow human being extends his hand in a non-threatening way, you take your own hand and place it in theirs, at which point..”

 

Sandman: “Shut up. Birthdays fucking suck.”

 

Zack: “Well, for you maybe, but I just know my best friends here in the OAOAST are gonna throw me a big-ass party! And since I’ve got no match tonight, I can party ‘til I collapse!”

 

Sandman: “Well, since my day is ruined, I might as well ruin yours. You and I are gonna fight tonight, buddy.”

 

Zack laughs at Sandman’s suggestion.

 

Zack: “Woah there little buddy. You didn’t hear me when I said I had friends throwing me a party. Friends. You do know what friends are, right?”

 

Sandman: “Bring them with you. We’ll have a lumberjack match. When I’m done with you, you’ll also wish you were never born.”

 

Sandman storms off. Zack shrugs off Sandman and resumes walking to his locker room, singing to himself.

 

Commerical

[Guest Sandman9000]

Mystery Eskimo vs SpiderPoet

 

"Ice Ice Baby" plays, and Mystery Eskimo walks out to the ring with his tag title, drawing a chorus of boos as he flips off the crowd. At BBB, Eskimo and JINGUS defend the OAOAST tag championship against the rookie team of SpiderPoet and EL DANDY~! in a tables elimination match. Eskimo slides into the ring and grabs a mic.

 

Eskimo: It's a sad day here in the OAOAST. Yes, sad. Because despite the fact that all you fans get to witness me beating the shit out of this nobody, I know that watching such a dominant, unbeatable tag team must lack a little drama for you.

I wish I could help. I really do. But who are our challengers? A Spiderthing and El Freekin Dandy? It's hardly worth our while. And a tables match? *chuckles* Whatever guys, whatever it takes to make you think you have a chance against simply the best tag team to ever wrestle in the OAOAST. Let me tell you why we-

 

"Short stories with tragic endings" hits to a pop and SpiderPoet walks down to the ring, carrying a table. Eskimo shakes his head and points to his tag belt, mouthing "when hell freezes over, newbie". SP sets up the table at ring side and jumps into the ring. He offers Eskimo his hand. ME looks at it in shock, slaps it away and levels SP with a clothesline.

 

The bell rings as Eskimo puts the boots to SP. ME throws SP into the corner and works him over with chops and kicks, then getting a snapmare out and a leg drop. Eskimo nails a couple of german suplexes, followed by a pair of KillerWhalePlexes that KILL Spiderpoet, and wipes his sweat onto the prone SP. Eskimo covers but only gets 2. Eskimo re-covers with his elbow in Poet's face but still only gets 2. ME pulls SP up and tries for a belly to back suplex but as he brings Poet over, SP twists and drives Eskimo's head into the mat in a reverse DDT! The cover gets 2.

 

Spiderpoet hits a snap suplex and then whips Eskimo off the ropes and dropkicks him in the gut. As Eskimo staggers near the ropes SP gets a tornado DDT! 1, 2, Eskimo gets his foot on the bottom rope. SP pulls Eskimo up and works him over in the corner. A whip to the opposite corner but Poet's charge misses and Eskimo Penguin Kicks him to the mat. Eskimo shakes his head, trying to regain balance, and the delay allows SP to get up and school boy Eskimo, 1, 2, no. ME is furious and they start to slug it out, with SP gaining the upperhand and throwing Eskimo off the ropes. SP's forearm misses, as does Eskimo's, and SP gets a sunset flip, 1, 2, no.

 

SP hip tosses ME and goes up top! Poet signals for the Spidahsault, but Eskimo is up and runs over to fight it out with SP on the top rope. Eskimo rakes the eyes and grabs SP for a superplex, but as they hit the mat SP rolls over onto Eskimo, 1,2, no. ME, frustrated at his lack of control in the match, shouts at the ref who shouts back. Eskimo looks to hit the ref but SP intervenes and gives ME a neckbreaker for another 2 count!

 

SP drags Eskimo into the corner and goes up again, but Eskimo again pops up and this time just pushes SP, who goes back out of the ring and takes a hard bump onto the floor below! Eskimo follows him out with the flying headbutt and both men are down. The ref starts a count as ME stirs first. Eskimo gets up at 8 and slides in and out of the ring to break up the count. ME gives SP a belly to belly suplex on the floor and then sees the table that SP brought to the ring. Eskimo sets up Spiderpoet for a KillerWhalePlex through the table, but SP reveres it to attempt one of his own, which Eskimo escapes and they exchange chops. SP gets the upperhand and ME goes down on one knee, but this only leads to a low blow by Eskimo who picks up SP and attempts to powerbomb him through the table, but Poet escapes AGAIN and dropkicks ME away.

 

SP throws ME into the ring and as he stumbles up gets a superkick. The cover gets 1, 2, NO. SP goes to the headlock, but ME pushes him off onto the ropes and kicks SP in the gut. ME jumps onto SP's shoulders, the flip and Eskimo busts out CODE RED~! 1, 2, Poet kicks out! Eskimo is SHOCKED and covers again, this time with feet on the ropes but the ref sees and knocks Eskimo off the ropes! Spiderpoet rolls up Eskimo! 1, 2, 3!

 

Winner: SpiderPoet in 7:47

Via: Pinfall, rollup

 

Eskimo is PISSED, and grabs his tag title belt and nails SP from behind as he celebrates. ME applies the Frostbite Facelock to SP who after a half minute starts to tap out! Eskimo wrenches back on his neck as JINGUS runs down the ailse! He grabs the table, throws it into the ring and follows it in. Eskimo releases SP, and JINGUS sets for the DEVILBOMB through the table! But EL DANDY~! runs out for the save, kicking JINGUS's legs away and clothesling Eskimo out of the ring. Dandy and SP get a double dropkick on JINGUS to send him out too. Eskimo and JINGUS look shocked as they huddle on the outside. At BBB, have the Miracle Weirdness Connection gotten a whole lot more than they bargained for?

 

Commercial

[Guest Sandman9000]

Backstage, BPP peeps out the door and then closes it. About thirty seconds later, Zack Malibu~! appears and smiles to the cameraman, thus entering the darkened IC/Commissioner's Office. He turns on the light...

 

CROWD: “Suprise!”

 

ZACK: “Wha?!”

 

ALISON: “Happy Birthday you pop stud!”

 

BPP: “We'd figure we'd throw you a party you know,”

 

GOLEM: “’Cause we're friends.”

 

EL DANDY: “I just wanted the food.”

 

SPIDERPOET: “God wanted me here.”

 

ZACK: “Thanks guys, aww.”

 

::Notices the IC cake with Saved by the Bell figures on it::

 

ZACK: “Man, the cake rocks!”

 

GREENMIST: “Yeah, found it back home, I think its about as old as the...::Trails off::”

 

NAZ: “Shut up man! He doesn't need to know!”

 

JINGUS: “And I'm here for...”

 

::Everyone stares::

 

JINGUS: “Shit...I wasn’t invited, was I?”

 

BPP: “Yup...”

 

JINGUS: “Hey Look! AnglePlex in an elf costume!”

 

::They look::

 

GOLEM: “That's just Tony...”

 

TONY: “Dammit...I am not Agnes.”

 

BPP: “To me you are.”

 

ZACK: “Isn't this a party for me? You two settle down...Where's…”

 

GREENMIST: “He left...”

 

NAZ: “Who wants green punch?”

 

Commerical

[Guest Sandman9000]

"Pools of Fear" by Scars of life plays as the OAOAST North American Champion, Angle-Plex, walks out to the ring. The crowd chants "ban agnes" as usual.

 

Angle-Plex: I just walked into the arena 45 minutes ago, and I was informed that I have a match tonight against El Dandy. As if that's not enough, I have to defend my OAOAST North American Championship! What the hell is that! This just goes to show that I'm am STILL not getting the respect I deserve around here. So what I'm going to do is this: I'm going to list all of my accomplishments thus far in the OAOAST. Maybe that will show the people backstage, and all of you, just how great I really am.

 

FACT: Angle-Plex has been in the OAOAST since the first show, Anglemania. FACT: Angle-Plex is the OAOAST North American Champion. FACT: Angle-Plex single-handedly destroyed the OAOMEF. FACT: Angle-Plex has......

 

"Hells Bells" by AC/DC hits and El Dandy walks out.

 

El Dandy: Jesus, shut-up man.

 

Angle-Plex: How DARE YOU interrupt me! I'm going to beat some respect into you right now!

 

El Dandy walks down to the ring as the bell rings. AP goes for a clothesline, but Dandy ducks and runs against the ropes. Dandy hits the Yakuza Kick. AP hits the mat hard, but he gets up quickly. He runs at Dandy. Dandy catches him and hits a backdrop-suplex. AP rolls out of the ring to think of a new strategy as El Dandy poses in the ring.

 

AP jumps back onto the ring apron slowly. He tries to get back in the ring, but Dandy dropkicks him, sending him flying into the STEEEEEEEL ramp. AP holds his back in pain while Dandy watches from inside the ring. AP runs back into the ring and tackles El Dandy. Dandy sprawls, and prevents Plex from taking him down. AP clinches, and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Dandy tries to get up, but Plex hits a belly-to-back suplex. He runs over to attempt a submission, but Dandy does a kick-up. Plex attempts another tackles, but Dandy leapfrogs over him. Dandy runs to the top turnbuckle and hits a missle-dropkick. The impact causes AP to bounce against the ropes and fall flat on his face. El Dandy rolls him over for the cover. 1...2...kickout by AP!

 

While Plex is still down, Dandy locks in a figure-four! AP is screaming in pain. He tries to stay up, but his shoulders fall to the mat. 1..2...Plex barely sits up in time.AP explodes to the left, but then rolls right, allowing him to get out of the submission and stand up. He kicks Dandy in the midsection, and punches him into the corner. Plex put Dandy onto the top turnbuckle. SUPERPLEX~! He goes for the cover, but Dandy kicks out at 2.

 

Plex decides to start attempting submissions. He goes over to Dandy's leg and locks in a toe-hold. Dandy quickly rolls to the ropes and breaks up the submission. AP runs at Dandy, but Dandy ducks and pulls down the top rope, sending him over the top and out of the ring. AP is frusterated, and looks under the ring. He pulls out a STEEEEEEL chair! AP attempts to enter the ring, but the ref pulls the chair out of his hands. School-boy by Dandy! 1...2...kickout!

 

Plex low-blows Dandy, and tries to get the chair. He is arguing with the ref when Sandman runs out and hits Dandy with another STEEEEEEEL chair! AP goes for the cover. 1...2...kickout by Dandy! Plex starts screaming. He picks Dandy up and hits the ANGLE-PLEX~! 1...2...Dandy kicks out! He rolls Dandy over and locks in the ANKLE-LOCK! Dandy taps, but the ref has just noticed that Sandman is at ringside. He tells Sandman to go backstage. He didn't see the tapout! Dandy explodes to the left and reaches the ropes. Plex is forced to break the hold! Dandy is limping around the ring, after suffering the damage of the Ankle Lock. AP gets in position for another Angle-Plex, but it is reversed into a LygerBomb! 1.....2......Kickout by Plex! Dandy picks AP up and delivers a TIGER DRIVER~! 1...2...Plex gets his foot on the ropes! AP staggers around the ring and walks right into an Overhead Belly to Belly! Dandy climbs to the top turnbuckle. Aerial-Big Time Frog Splash! Just as he is about to get the cover, Sandman runs out and levels the ref! SM attemps a clotheslines Dandy over the top rope! SM throws Dandy into the ringsteps and back into the ring. AP tries to get the ref up. The ref stars standing when Thunderkid runs out of nowhere and hits a Thunderbolt DDT on Plex! The ref didn't see it! Dandy rolls across the ring to get the cover! 1...2....Sandman pulls the ref out of the ring! SM punches the ref and knocks him out. Dandy jumps over the top onto SM. TK enters the ring and he starts brawling with AP! Road Agents and Officials storm the ring and break up the chaos!

 

Winner: El Dandy in 4:34

Via: DQ, Sandman interference

 

Post match, Sandman yells “Fuck birthdays!” and leaves to the back. Road agents keep TK and El Dandy in the ring, while the aWo members retreat to the back.

 

Commercial

[Guest Sandman9000]

Somewhere backstage, the birthday boy Zack Malibu comes across Green Mist, who's exiting a dressing room.

 

ZM:"What up, GM?"

 

GM:"Hey Zack."

 

ZM:"Listen dude, looks like I've got a little issue on my hands with Sandman tonight. Seems like the dude will start with me over anything. So we've got a birthday lumberjack match going on, and I'd like you to be in my corner."

 

GM:"Zack, I would if I could, but I can't."

 

ZM:"But dude, CWM will be out there, and..."

 

GM:"That's exactly why. See, you know I don't like him much. And you also know that I'm going to be the special guest referee for your match at the PPV. What kind of impartial referee would I be if it looked like I showed favortism towards a certain someone tonight?'

 

ZM:"Ah, didn't look at it that way."

 

GM:"Hey Zack, nothing against you, you understand."

 

ZM:"Not a problem."

 

Zack and Green Mist shake hands, and GM walks off. Zack pauses in thought for a second, then heads off in the other direction, back to the party.

 

Commercial

[Guest Sandman9000]

Ladder Match

The Superstar vs. Alfdogg

 

 

For this match, the arena is set up differently: there are 5 ladders set up the length of the entryway, with a sixth being a 20-foot ladder next to the apron. As the camera focuses on the Deadly Alliance shirt suspended 20 feet above the ring, “The Wall” hits and out comes current DA member Alfdogg to a HUGE pop.

 

“Downfall” hits and The Superstar comes out to a big pop. He has a staredown with Alfdogg, and then the bell rings!

 

The two men immediately slug it out, before Alfdogg clotheslines Superstar down, and again. However, Superstar breaks the cycle with a shoulder block and a bodyslam, and an elbow drop on the fallen Alfdogg. Alfdogg reverses a whip, however, and lands a snap suplex on Superstar, followed by some stomps. Cross corner whip, but Superstar stops a charge with a flying forearm, and the former champion is down. Superstar exits the ring and wastes no time busting out a ladder~! Superstar slides the ladder in the ring and follows it in, but is met with an Alfdogg dropkick. Alfdogg sets up the ladder, but Superstar is up and catches Alf with a belly-to-back suplex. Superstar starts climbing the ladder, but as he gets halfway up, Alfdogg grabs him by the head and pulls him down to the mat, forcefully. He follows this with his trademark standing moonsault, before going outside and getting a Steel Chair!

 

Alf brings the chair into the ring, and waits for Superstar to get up. Superstar sees what’s happening however, and attempts a Van Daminator, but Alf ducks and nails Superstar with a shot to the midsection, and one to the back. As Superstar is slowly getting up, Alf hits an axe-kick of sorts, taking Superstar down again. Alfdogg repositions the ladder and begins his descent, but as he gets three-quarters up the ladder, Superstar is up and grabs hold of his leg, bringing it down into a HUGE Dragon Screw~! Superstar whips Alfdogg into the corner, grabs the steel chair, and charges. When he is 3/4s across the ring, he LEAPS at Alfdogg, slamming the chair into Alf’s face! Before Alfdogg can fall to the ground, Superstar immediately grabs hold of him and nails a Brainbuster! Superstar sets up the ladder again, but has different intentions. He catapults Alfdogg into the ladder, and as Alfdogg falls, the ladder comes down on him! Superstar sets up the ladder ONCE AGAIN, but Alfdogg gets a desperation low blow on Superstar, followed by a T-bone suplex! Alf tosses Superstar over the top rope, and follows him to the outside. They head to the Spanish announce table, as both men trade punches. Alfdogg, however, gets a kick, and brings Superstar on top of the table. He positions him for a Death Valley Driver on the table, but Superstar fights out and gets Alfdogg in a waistlock…RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX FROM THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE ALL THE WAY TO THE AMERICAN ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Both tables shatter, and both men are down. Superstar is up first, and whips Alfdogg into the security railing. As he charges, however, Alfdogg back body drops Superstar over the railing and they go into the crowd!

 

Alfdogg gets a suplex on the concrete, but as he attempts another, Superstar reverses into his own. He goes back into the ringside area, but charges back towards the crowd, jumps on the barricade, but of course, SOMERSAULT PLANCHA FROM THE BARRICADE MISSES AND SUPERSTAR LANDS BACK-FIRST ON THE CONCRETE~! Alfdogg sees his opportunity and heads back to the ring, setting up the ladder, and starts climbing. By this time, of course, Superstar is back, and grabs Alfdogg’s foot as he is halfway up the ladder. Alf kicks him off though, and from halfway up, gives Superstar a MISSILE DROPKICK! This causes the ladder to fall down AGAIN. Alf whips Superstar into the ropes, and gives him an AA STYLE SPINEBUSTER ON THE LADDER! Alfdogg kicks Superstar off the ladder like road kill, sets it up, and climbs again. However, Superstar slowly starts climbing up the OPPOSITE side of the ladder, and once they reach the top, the two men begin to trade punches. Alf gets the advantage, however, and grabs Superstar for an OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER~!!!!! Both men are down and the crowd is going wild. When Alfdogg gets up, he positions Superstar in the corner, and grabs the steel chair. He tells Superstar to “STAY DOWN!” and swings the chair, but Superstar moves and the chair hits the corner, bouncing back and hitting Alfdogg in the old Kurt Angle spot, allowing Superstar to hit a desperation GERMAN SUPLEX! Superstar starts climbing the ladder, but Alfdogg pulls him down. However, Superstar lands on his feet, and as Alfdogg begins climbing, Superstar starts climbing on the same side of the ladder and gives Alfdogg some shots to the head. He positions Alfdogg and…FLASHBACK OFF THE LADDER~!

 

Both men are down, and the aWo’s Sandman and World Champion Anglesault decide to grace us with their presence. Both men attack their respective opponents for BBB, with punches, stomps, and choking. Sault brings Superstar to the outside with a Cactus Clothesline, and Sandman hits repeated Chair shots on Alfdogg. However, Sandman misses a top rope Moonsault (!) and lands directly on the ladder. Alfdogg nails a leaping Chairshot on Sandman, taking him down again. Alfdogg picks him up and puts him on his shoulders…BURNING HAMMER ON SANDMAN! He sets up the ladder, but instead of going for the belt, moves the ladder closer to the turnbuckle. He begins climbing, and reaches the top…FIVE STAR ALF SPLASH OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, Anglesault and Superstar continue to brawl on the outside of the ring, and they are now near the entryway where all the ladders are. Sault gets his trademark Ankle Lock on Superstar, who is seemingly incapacitated. However, Superstar is finally able to roll off of Anglesault, and gives him a WELL PLACED KICK TO THE NUTS! He looks towards the ring and notices Alfdogg is starting to groggily climb the ladder, towards the DA shirt. Superstar does the first thing that comes to mind…he climbs the ladder closest to the backstage area, and then starts RUNNING ACROSS THE LADDERS LINING THE ENTRYWAY…LEAPS ONTO THE 20-FOOT LADDER AND DIVES INTO THE RING AT ALFDOGG WITH A SPEAR ALL THE WAY TO THE MAT BELOW~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A huge “Holy shit” chant breaks out, as both men are lifeless. Superstar slowly sets up the ladder and climbs, but instead of grabbing the shirt, thinks “why the hell not,” and hits a SUPERSPLASH FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER~! to add to this spot fest. Once he recovers, he climbs to the top of the ladder…and GRABS THE SHIRT FOR THE WIN!

 

Winner: The Superstar in 17:42 via grabbing the prize for the win.

 

Post match, Anglesault is back, as he rushes to the ring and blindsides Superstar. He continues to stomp away at him, until Alfdogg returns and sends Anglesault packing with a chairshot to the back of the head, and a clothesline out of the ring! As the aWo retreats, Alfdogg grabs the DA shirt away from Superstar and stares a hole in him. Then he hands the shirt to Superstar personally, and shakes his hand! The crowd erupts as the newest member of the Deadly Alliance gets his hand raised by the leader.

 

Commercial

[Guest Sandman9000]

Zack Malibu is just about ready for his match with Sandman tonight, the special birthday lumberjack match. Standing beside him (and still munching on some birthday cake) is correspondent and In Crowd sidekick Michael Cole.

 

MC:"Mmmmphm Zack, whaf um err toufts on ta maft tomneye?"

 

Zack:"Cole, geez, finish chewing before you start an interview!"

 

MC:"Mmmph..."

 

Cole does the "1 minute" gesture to the camera. He quickly gobbles up all the cake on his plate, then looks to his left and right for something to drink. He sees El Dandy walking by with a beer in his hands, so he quickly swipes it.

 

ED:"HEY!"

 

ZM:"It's OK Dandy, we've got more."

 

ED:"Eh, all right."

 

Dandy walks off, giving Cole a look as he leaves. Cole chugs a bit of the beer, then wipes off his lips.

 

MC:"OK, Zack, what are your thoughts on the match tonight. You're about a week away from the "grand finale" so to speak, a Hell In The Cell match with CWM to end your rivalry once and for all, but tonight, on your birthday no less, you're taking on the deathmatch fetishist Sandman9000 in a Birthday Lumberjack match."

 

ZM:"Cole, I'll tell you, I'm surprised our match is going to be that tame. When Sandman got in my face, I was expecting a Birthday Candle on a Pole Loser Gets Hot Waxed Death Match or something. But a lumberjack match, there's a lot of tension going into it. Sandman and I hate each other's guts, there's no doubt. And I know that the aWo would like nothing more than for him to take me out of the picture, or at least soften me up for CWM. But tonight, it's MY party, and who throws a party better than the Pissed Off Prep. Tonight Sandman goes down. At the PPV, CWM and I are going to Hell, but only one of us is coming back. After that Cole, the New Year will be upon us, and I don't care if it's AS, or Superstar, hell I don't care if it's YOU my man, I promise you, I'm getting that World Title. It's been my goal since day one, since the very day I debuted here I have called out Anglesault. He thinks he can get by by swerving us, or with a little help from his friends? Not anymore, because there's a revolution going on. People are going to start taking their rightful places, and that starts tonight when Sandman takes his place on the mat as I pin his ass 1...2...2. And why am I so confident Cole? Because...

 

Zack takes the mic.

 

ZM:"Oooooooooooooooooooh..."

 

(Dramatic Pause, crowd cheers in background)

 

ZM:"I love myself!"

 

Zack tosses the mic back to Cole, and heads off. Cole takes his finger and snags some frosting off Zack's cake as we fade out.

 

Commercial

[Guest Sandman9000]

Birthday Lumberjack Match

Zack Malibu vs. Sandman9000

 

“Die Another Day” hits, as the lights dim, gold pyro goes off, the spotlight focuses on the stage, and Zack Malibu comes out to a massive pop! The P.O.P. struts his way down to the aisle, with Big Poppa Popick, The Golem, SpiderPoet, and El Dandy following behind him as his chosen lumberjacks. Zack enters the ring and poses on the second turnbuckle, as cameras flash all around him.

 

The aWo porno theme hits as Sandman9000 makes his way down to the ring, followed by the other aWo members, who have presents in their hands. Sandman flips off everyone, rolls into the ring, and goes after Zack, who sidesteps and throws Sandman over the top rope, out of the ring! Sandman throws a temper tantrum outside of the ring, throwing the timekeeper out of his seats and launching his chair behind his own head, into the ring. Sandman slides back in as the official kicks the chair out and tries to keep the two men separated before throwing his hands up in frustration and calling for the bell.

 

Sandman rushes in, but Zack hits a side kick to the stomach. Sandman is doubled over as Zack backs Sandman into the ropes, shoots him off, and hits a hip toss. Sandman bounces up quickly, but into a back elbow. Sandman is up and takes another hip toss. Zack lifts Sandman to his feet and shoves him into the corner, where he hits two kicks to Sandman’s stomach. Zack whips Sandman into the opposite corner, where Sandman does a leap-over as Zack charges in. Sandman charges Zack in the corner but Zack backdrops Sandman onto the apron. Sandman throws a right hand that is blocked, Zack stuns Sandman with a quick slap, then uses the second rope as a step to hit a big right kick to the face of Sandman, knocking him off the apron! Sandman is down on the outside, by the aWo, while Zack bounces around in the ring to the cheers of the crowd!

 

The crowd chants “Zack” while Sandman is comforted by his fellow aWo members. Sandman tries to just walk away, but the aWo stops him from doing so. CWM whispers something into Sandman’s ear, as Sandman seems to have calmed down. The official yells at Sandman to get back into the ring, as Sandman obliges.

 

Both men in the ring and lock up, only for Sandman to suddenly break free and go for a shoot! Zack is too quick, as he actually manages to back up from the lunging Sandman and kicks Sandman directly in the face! The impact echoes all around the building as the crowd responds, as Sandman is face-first on the mat, not moving! CWM pounds on the mat out of frustration, while Zack looks surprised at what he has just done! Zack tries to pull Sandman to his feet, but Sandman is dead weight. Zack shrugs and covers, 1….2…Sandman kicks out! The aWo look relieved, while the crowd groans in disappointment.

 

Zack is able to pull Sandman to his feet and back him into a corner. Zack with some nasty chops to Sandman, who is bleeding from a cut under his left eye. Zack shoots Sandman into the opposite corner, then charges but runs into a back elbow from Sandman. Sandman charges but is taken down by a drop-toe hold. Zack up to his feet and drops an elbow onto the back of Sandman’s neck. Zack rolls Sandman over and covers, 1….2…Sandman kicks out.

 

Zack lifts Sandman to his feet. Zack whips Sandman into the ropes, but Sandman ducks a clothesline. Sandman throws a spinning heel kick that misses, but Zack runs the ropes and throws a spinning heel kick that doesn’t! Sandman is down, as the cut under his left eye is really starting to swell up. Zack lifts Sandman up to his feet, shoots Sandman off the ropes, bounces off himself, and clocks Sandman with a flying forearm! Zack covers, 1….2….Sandman kicks out!

 

Zack decides to have some fun and tosses Sandman to the outside, into his own lumberjacks! BPP hauls Sandman to his feet, as Dandy and SP shove Sandman against the guardrail and go to work on the cut. The Golem stands and stares, doing nothing. The official is holding back the aWo on the outside, while Zack stands in the ring and calmly fixes his hair. BPP finally pulls Dandy and SP off of Sandman and throws Sandman back into the ring.

 

Sandman is slowly trying to get up, while Zack starts singing “Happy Birthday,” stomping on Sandman every time he says birthday! As Zack finishes singing the song, the crowd gives him a standing ovation! Zack stops to take in the cheers, which gives Sandman an opportunity to hit a low blow from behind on Zack!

 

Sandman is still trying to recover, when AP slides his present into Sandman and tells him not to unwrap it, but to just hit Zack with it? Sandman looks confused, until he picks the large, flat object off of the mat and understands what to do. Zack is up, holding his popular pubes, and walks into a present shot from Sandman! A large metallic “thwap” came from Sandman hitting Zack with the present. Sandman unwraps the present to reveal a STOP sign! Zack is on all fours, until Sandman cracks him across the back with the STOP sign. Sandman throws the sign down and covers, 1…2…Zack kicks out.

 

The cut under Sandman’s left eye has swelled to the point where Sandman can barely see out of that eye. Sandman pulls Zack to his feet and shoots Zack off the ropes, hitting Zack with a back elbow as Zack rebounds. Unsure of what to do in the ring, Sandman throws Zack between the ropes out of the ring, sending Zack crashing into the announce table, where no lumberjacks are. Sandman follows and pulls Zack up to his feet, only to bash Zack head-first into the announce table! Zack recoils, holding his nose, as Sandman pounds on Zack’s back with vicious forearms. Sandman shoots Zack into the guardrail, where he hits hard back-first!

 

Sandman grabs the chair that he tried to use earlier, and cracks Zack across the back with it! Zack is in a world of hurt, as Sandman tosses Zack and the chair into the ring. Back inside Sandman covers, 1…2….Zack kicks out. Sandman places the chair across Zack’s face, hits a big standing legdrop, and covers again, 1…..2…Zack kicks out.

 

Some Guy slides his present into Sandman, who tears the wrapping off and opens the box, only to pull out a red, white, and blue aWo staple gun! With a sick smile on his disfigured face, Sandman pulls the trigger a few times to make sure the gun is loaded. SG hands Sandman a dollar bill, as Sandman places the dollar bill on top of Zack’s head and staples it on! Not even Zack’s perfect hair could stop the staple gun! Zack writhes around on the mat in pain, while SG and CWM toss more dollar bills and Canadian currency into the ring for Sandman to staple.

 

Sandman grabs another dollar bill and holds it to Zack’s head, but BPP hops up onto the apron. Sandman drops Zack and threatens BPP with the staple gun, but is giving Zack time to recover, as Zack grabs the STOP sign. Sandman lunges after BPP, who hops off the apron instead. Sandman talks some trash, but turns around into a STOP sign shot from Zack! Sandman is down, Zack covers, 1…2…Sandman kicks out!

 

Zack is up and grabs the STOP sign again. Zack holds it over his head and is looking to deliver another shot, but Sandman strikes first, stapling Zack in the stomach! Zack drops to his stomach, trying to pull on his shirt enough to pull the staple out. However, Sandman has time to grab a Canadian twenty dollar bill and a U.S. one dollar bill, and staple both of them onto the back of Zack’s head! Zack is in a world of hurt right now!

 

Sandman hauls Zack over to the corner, kicks in him the stomach, and finally just shoves Zack down into a sitting position. Sandman wipes his boot off on the ropes, then starts grinding it against the perfect face of Zack Malibu! Zack cries out in pain as Sandman begins delivering the boot scrapes, trying to peel the tan off of Zack’s flesh! Sandman stops, but only to run the ropes and deliver a running boot scrape! Sandman stands, a disturbed grin on his disfigured face, as his left cheek and eye have turned purple and swelled to massive proportions. Zack’s face is no better at this point.

 

BPP runs to the back, while Sandman drags Zack out of the corner, pulls the dollar bills and staples out of Zack’s head, but only to staple the dollar bills back on! Zack is feeling pain he has never felt before, as Sandman drops the staple gun, grabs the STOP sign, and cracks Zack over the head with it, right onto the staples! Sandman tosses down the STOP sign, then tosses Zack out of the ring, right in front of the aWo!

 

Led by CWM, the aWo go to work on Zack. AP and SG hold Zack’s arms while AS and CWM throw punches to Zack’s face and stomach. CWM is especially vicious, looking to cave in Zack’s head and torso with every right hand. Finally, the official orders that the aWo toss Zack back into the ring, and they oblige, rolling Zack’s lifeless carcass under the bottom rope.

 

Sandman goes to cover, but CWM shouts at Sandman not to. CWM slides his present into the ring, and Sandman unwraps it to reveal a bundle of nine lightbulbs! Sandman grins as he props the lightbulbs in the corner. Sandman pulls Zack to his feet and leads him to the corner on the other side of the ring, then whips him towards the lightbulbs. Zack is able to baseball slide before hitting the glass, and rushes at Sandman with a clothesline. Sandman is able to duck it, kick Zack in the stomach as Zack spins around, lift Zack onto his shoulders, spin around, and devastate Zack with a vicious Godsmack, Zack’s jaw bouncing off Sandman’s shoulders! Sandman again goes for a cover, but CWM shouts at Sandman and Sandman gets off Zack.

 

Sandman takes the bundle of lightbulbs out of the corner and lies them on the mat. Sandman lifts Zack to his feet and gets behind him, lifting Zack onto his shoulders in the Burning Hammer position, looking for the PSYCHO DRIVAH~! Zack is able to slip free, spins Sandman around, kicks him in the stomach, and looks for the P.O.P. Drop! Sandman is able to blow, free himself, kicks Zack in the stomach, and hooks him up for the EdgeCrusher! Sandman lifts Zack but Zack flips over and lands on his feet, grabs a sleeper on Sandman, and transitions into a Trendsetter, dropping Sandman onto the nine lightbulbs! Sandman is writhing in pain, but Zack can’t make the cover!

 

BPP returns to ringside, wheeling down a giant birthday cake with Happy Birthday Zack on it? Even the other lumberjacks look confused at BPP, who obviously has a plan. Sandman is up to his feet first, picking glass out of his arms. He tries to life Zack to his feet, but Zack hits him with a right to the gut. Sandman tries again, but Zack hits a left to the gut. Sandman tries once more, but Zack knocks both of Sandman’s arms away with a yell, and plants both fists into the bread basket of Sandman! Sandman is doubled over, Zack springs to his feet and kicks Sandman in the back of his left leg, knocking Sandman down to one knee. Zack is looking for the Zack Attack on Sandman’s bad eye! Zack bounces off the ropes for momentum, but CWM grabs his leg. Zack turns to jaw with CWM, but is giving Sandman time to recover. Sandman charges at Zack, who sees Sandman coming out of the corner of his eye and backdrops Sandman to the outside, onto the aWo!

 

All of the aWo members are down, and are scrambling on top of each other to get up. As they try to recover, they fail to see Zack scale to the top rope, and as they all finally stand, Zack comes off the top with a massive moonsault press, taking out the entire aWo! The crowd goes crazy, as the official is trying to hold back the other lumberjacks from interfering!

 

Zack is up first as he stomps on AS, kicks AP in the ribs, tosses Sandman back into the ring, but is caught from behind by a CWM low blow. CWM tosses Zack back into the ring, where Sandman screams “H8 Lock!” and applies it on Zack! Zack is caught in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go, until The Golem slides into the ring? Sandman immediately breaks the hold, as the two old enemies stare each other down. Sandman slaps Golem, Golem slaps Sandman, and the two of them immediately begin to exchange punches in the middle of the ring as the crowd goes crazy! All of the lumberjacks are in now as the entire match has broken down into one massive gangfight!

 

The official has given up all hopes of restoring order. AS and CWM are first to get tossed out, and are hit by stereo suicide dives by SP and Dandy! AP throws a plancha over the top, taking out SP and Dandy! BPP clocks Sandman with the STOP sign, throws it down, rushes and leaps over the top rope, taking out the crowd on the outside! Sandman and Zack are down, while SG and Golem look at each other, look at the outside, and elect to do stereo somersault planchas onto the crowd outside!

 

Zack is first to his feet, as he and Sandman are again the only ones in the ring. Zack readies himself for the School’s Out, but is on Sandman’s right side. Sandman sees it coming, ducks the kick, and drills Zack with a Yakuza Kick as Zack turns around! Sandman scrambles and covers, 1…2….Zack kicks out at 2.9! Sandman can’t believe it, as he crawls towards the aWo side and pulls AS’s present into the ring. The lumberjacks are still entangled in each other while Sandman unwraps AS’s gift. It looks like a Singapore cane, but Sandman unwraps the cane, to reveal a giant Aerosmith poster! Sandman looks at AS on the outside with disgust, and spits on the poster, yelling “Fuck Boston!” Zack has time to recover, and knocks Sandman to the ring apron, by the birthday cake. Zack goes for that step-up kick he did earlier in the match, but Sandman is able to duck, yet Zack lands on his feet. Sandman throws a right hand that is blocked, Zack throws a front left kick that Sandman catches, Zack cracks Sandman with an enzurgi that causes Sandman to do a flip off the apron into the birthday cake that breaks with a loud wooden “crack” noise! The crowd goes crazy as Sandman is writhing in pain on the outside, trying to free himself from the cake? Sandman finally tips the broken cake and cart over, revealing that the cake was covering a barbed wire board!

 

Zack goes to the outside, rubs some of the cake into Sandman’s face, and rolls him back into the ring. Once there, Zack scales to the top and floors Sandman with a missile dropkick. Sandman gets back up, so Zack hits a flying forearm. Sandman is still trying to get up, so Zack jabs away on Sandman’s bad left eye, which has swelled to the point where Sandman can’t see out of it. A series of jabs has Sandman out on his feet, as Zack readies his right foot on Sandman’s left side, where Sandman can’t see. Sandman never sees the School’s Out connect, though he feels it. Sandman’s head bounces off the chair as he lands as well, as Zack covers, 1…2…..3!

 

Winner: Zack Malibu in 20:15

Via: Pinfall, School’s Out.

 

Post match, CWM attacks Zack from behind. CWM grabs the chair and waffles Zack over the back of the head with it. CWM puts the bad mouth to Zack before rolling Sandman out of ring and leaving with the other aWo members.

 

 

 

 

The Golem is standing backstage, holding his jaw, with dumb ol’ MC.

 

Cole: “Golem, you have been the OAOAST X-Title champion for nearly two months now, and I don’t think you’ve defended that belt once! Wassupwitdat man?”

 

Golem: Defend. Offend. What do these words mean? Now..

 

Golem is interrupted by an OAOAST worker.

 

Worker: “Uh, Mr. Golem sir, someone told me to give you this.”

 

The worker hands The Golem a chair, and rushes off.

 

Golem: “What the? Says look at the bottom. ::Golem does:: Crack?”

 

CRACK!

 

Golem is down and out, the chair having been driven into his face at a high rate of speed. MC looks shocked, until he looks over and sees REJECT standing there, with his leg high in the air!

 

Reject: “Total Rejection, bitch. That is what I feel every day, and that is what you’ll feel and Bloody, Battered, and Beaten once I take that belt away from you!”

 

Reject storms off, leaving Golem down and out. MC prepares to walk away, but hears scuffles and screams from a distance. MC rushes over to see an attack going on!

 

SANTA CLAUS and his FREAKS (women) are attacking somebody. They see the cameras and run off. The person on the floor is non-other than a bloody, battered, and beaten, Tony "The Body".

 

 

 

 

END SHOW

[Guest Sandman9000]

Thanks to everyone who sent in stuff. Tony, BPP, SS, Agnes, MME, Zack, and anyone I might have forgotten.

 

Zacky, happy birthday.

 

Finally, if you thought this show was bad, B3 will be even worse, so enjoy!

 

Put feedback in the feedback thread.