The REAL Smart Marks Freestyle

[Guest Zack Malibu]

TRITEC's comp was giving her crap, but she posted this to Smark Talk last night. This was taken from an AIM chat, and it features a little duel between me and SpiderPoet:

 

So we did our own little post-RAW chat in AIM. I suggest that we cut promos, out of boredom. Then SP & Zack decided to act like the John Cena twins.

 

They wanted me to post this:

 

The Bard Knight: ::debates cutting a promo on that Preppy Malibu, but decides it would not be beneficial::

deliciousTRITEC: ::contemplates washing her hair::

ryomsa31: *cuts promo, but gets bleeped*

ZacKMalibU: ::dares SP to cut a promo::

The Bard Knight: ::realizes he's not that good at it, decides not to::

deliciousTRITEC: Hah!

ZacKMalibU: ::can live with that::

The Bard Knight: Which is why it wouldn't be that beneficial.

The Bard Knight: Otherwise I'd do it.

ryomsa31: Just load it up with a lot of "brothers", "dudes" and "asses".

ZacKMalibU: ::Has visions of Vince McMahon and "Stand Back::

ryomsa31: Oh, and don't forget "in this very ring"

The Bard Knight: Well Brother, let me tell ya something Dude. Every night, in THAT very ring, the Spectac Spidah Po' watches you with your antics. Watches you with your little preps out in the audience.

ryomsa31: Y'know, I think he's got it.

deliciousTRITEC: I think he can make it.

 

The Bard Knight: Watches you seperate yourself from the outcasts, lost in the In Crowd. And the Po' don't like what he see's, Brotha! Oh no. So tonight in THIS VERY RING, we're gonna tie it up, we're gonna kick each other's asses and we're gonna

 

The Bard Knight: break some walls down. I'll bring the SpidahSault, you can bring the effort, and we'll go toe to toe.

The Bard Knight: *rants for a half an hour*

 

ZacKMalibU: ::Ahem...::

 

The Bard Knight: *cowers*

 

ZacKMalibU: ::John Cena mode ON...::

 

deliciousTRITEC: LOL

 

ryomsa31: uh oh.

 

The Bard Knight: *backs slowly up the ramp*

 

ZacKMalibU: ::Yeah you know it, Spider Poet, he called me out, what's that about? Tellin' me he can cut a promo, then runs away screamin' OH NO, why cuz the Zack man's here, he's gonna take this boot, and put it up his rear...

 

deliciousTRITEC: ::claps::

 

ZacKMalibU: ::SP's going down like Divine Brown, my names not Hugh but I'll Grant one wish SP is gonna pay cuz it was me he dissed::

ZacKMalibU: Word to the mutha, fool.

 

deliciousTRITEC: Oh muh gawd.

 

ryomsa31: *sniff* Now I miss efedding.

 

The Bard Knight: I must answer this.

 

The Bard Knight: *goes back to the ring*

 

The Bard Knight: The Zack Man's here, eh? Well, well, that's great. Wonderful. In fact, I'm ECSTATIC! Cuz ol' SP has somethin' to say.

The Bard Knight: Better yet, The Spidah-Po has somethin' ta DO! The wall crawlah, the rhyme slingah, I'm gonna go ahead and say it since my childhood hero can't anymore . . . the SHOWSTOPPAH, the Spectacular Spider Poet is HERE, he's HOT and ready

The Bard Knight: to make you POP.

 

ZacKMalibU: ::SP wants to answer....what is this, 20 questions? Come back to the ring, I'll teach you a lesson. Thought you were cool, puttin me down, but now I'll make you look like a clown. Words are words, actions speak louder...

 

ryomsa31: *pops balloon in crowd, scares little kid*

 

ZacKMalibU: so get out of my face, go take a powder

 

The Bard Knight: *thinks*

 

ZacKMalibU: Because the Poet didn't know it, that Preppy's the man. He must be thickheaded, cant' understand. Pissed Off Prep that POP, and the POP is no one else but me...so keep the rhymes comin' like a porno star, and I'll run you down

ZacKMalibU: like I was drivin' a car

 

The Bard Knight: Malibu must think his rhymes infallible. Bring it to the ring but the Poet make ya sing, words of horrible surrender. In these ropes ya face the king, and you'll be returned ta SENDER.

 

deliciousTRITEC: ...

 

The Bard Knight: *crowd groans*

 

ZacKMalibU: He says he's SP, or is it BardKnight? He's rhymin' over here, thinks his shits tight. He's got me freestylin', though not in my ways, cuz my type of freestyle was back in the day. But I'm keeping up with this guy, I cannot quit

ZacKMalibU: till I prove SP is FULL OF SHIT

 

deliciousTRITEC: Boo!

 

ryomsa31: *throws something*

 

ZacKMalibU: He takes a long time to come up with a rhyme, this guy's like that stuff from Nickelodeon...SLIME...so SP if it's tough then back away...shut down the computer, it's OK. Cuz Zack is the man in the place to be, and he just punked

ZacKMalibU: that sucka SP!

 

The Bard Knight: So this kid Zack thinks he's on the attack. Tryin' to give the Po' some kinda flack. What he don't know is that he has a serious lack, and there's nobody to watch his back, so eat that. In these ropes is where the proof lies, but

The Bard Knight: we all know Zack leaves with black eyes. And a broken nose cuz he fails to know, that when you face SP you're just SO-SO.

 

deliciousTRITEC: ::flashes breasts, gets pop::

 

ZacKMalibU: Yeah, I'm the guy who watches Saved By The Bell. No one to watch my back, what the hell? I got AC and Screech, oh wait that's just fake...just like your accent for heaven's sake! Stop posin' clown, it ain't no use cuz we all know

 

ryomsa31: *jumps barrier, gets a shot in on Ross, and jumps back over*

 

ZacKMalibU: that everyone wants MY juice! And by everyone I mean the ladies so what you say just don't phase me

 

deliciousTRITEC: ::goes backstage and steal Jericho's luggage::

 

ZacKMalibU: Back away SP, time to call it quits. I bet you have a tummy ache, maybe the shits. Fact is I pulled out the trump card so say goodnight my Knight called Bard.

 

The Bard Knight: A Bard called Knight, the storytellah and the trendsettah. Zack acts like Screech is one o' them Goodfellas. Like the nerd got his back in the middle o' the ring, but Lawler couldn't even get him over or anything.

The Bard Knight: *wonders if attacking screech will push the Prep over the edge*

 

ZacKMalibU: Lawler get me over? He's too busy with his boner? Old man wants the girls, prefers younger not older? Now SP is bolder, callin' me out, fact is that cracka has a rhyme drought...takes him long enough to come up with a promo, when

 

ZacKMalibU: we all know that he's a...OH NO, tell me I didn't just say that...SP is a what...oooh I just slayed that rumor cuz we know that's not true, but tell you what SP, here's what I'll do...you can leave now, you can go in peace, because

ZacKMalibU: you're all done, your promos shall cease!

 

The Bard Knight: You say the promos will cease like I'm all done. You just want a release before you have to call me daddy, son. You want to know the truth like it's some great matter. It's just too bad I can't take you at

The Bard Knight: Bloody, Beaten, and Battered!

 

ZacKMalibU: Ooh, talkin' about the BBB booked by BPP, but Zack and SP, they're both faces, fo sheez? So how can they fight, that makes no sense...talk about a match with lack of suspense...Zack doesn't see these promos ending, but takes them for what they are, nothin' but friendly

 

ZacKMalibU: And when I say friendly I don't mean Ice cream, though TRITEC does that when she dreams about who, me, not SP, though he's a good guy is he a preppy? I dunno, maybe I don't want to...I'd rather watch Jim Neidhart wear a mask as Who

 

ZacKMalibU: from when, that was back in '96...before SP learned any of his trick...this has gone on for a while, my keyboard is toasted...SP, TRITEC..THIS MUST BE POSTED

 

The Bard Knight: Well it's good that you see it that way. We faces gotta live to keep savin' the day. Gotta test your allegiance to the cause here son, but it's good to know how the OAOAST was won. The boys that can bring it, ALL IN GOOD FUN.

 

The Bard Knight: *shake hands*

 

ZacKMalibU: SmarkTalk, Smartmarks, wherever it may be...here a smark, there a smark, where a smark be? We're here, we're there, we're everywhere, so when HHH holds down, don't despair...come to the board, we'll take his ass on, untl the day

 

ZacKMalibU: Steph says "PAUL, BE GONE!"

ZacKMalibU: *shakes hands*

 

ryomsa31: *beltshots someone, anyone, everyone (including himself) and stalks off*

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Rappin' without beats, without borders, y'all preachin' defiance

Spidah Poet, Ed, and Zack, Smark freestylin' alliance

Viva le Revolution, are you a Benedict Arnold

Or one of us three with rhymes that are anything but Stone Cold

What?

Didn't you know, haven't you seen

Suburban kids always dream of becomin' MC's?

But put off by real mics, intimidated by beats

But with the web as my stage I can always rhyme l33t

Latah alligatah playah hatah, peace!

 

True, non-rhyming fact: as I read this topic, I'm wearing my "Spidey: Sticky Fingahz" shirt w/ Spider-Man on the turntables

[Guest SP-1]

That's beautiful, man.

[Guest Sandman9000]

Killshot

Got the haves and havenots

One time baby

Y'all gotta get up and rock

Just one shot

Everyone step off of my jock

This ain't public radio

All I'm gonna say is fuck

Step back to the beat

As real as the street

Playas step up to me

All they see is defeat

Cement feet

Heads up now, I'm on a roll

Swat your shit away like my names Manute Bol

Basketball

Drop dimes with that rock

Making an obvious reference to the size of my cock

And it's size, y'all I gotta intimidate

Lubricate, masturbate, ejaculate

Blew it again

Fuck shit up like I'm Jackie Chan

Fuck the Man

Peace to my bros chillin up in Japan

Roll again

All y'all sayin is spam

Knowledge you cram

Into your head, hello candygram

Thank you ma'am

Don't cut me off, I ain't close to done

Fuck that, yo I ain't even begun

Startin up

To a cresendo we're buildin up

Raise up?

Nah Petey Pablo you've done fucked up

Boy your dead

Corpse full of lead

Obituatry read

At your funreal that you so dearly dread

You say you rap

Your spittin crap

Shits flyin out your mouth

Don't say your South

Head back upstream like some pathetic trout

I ain't out

Still got to scream and shout

Hear me out

This ain't trash talk

Boy take a walk

But I'll take second cause you balked

I've seen your shit

And I ain't impressed

Step on stage

You'll be verbally undressed

Down to your thong

You a bitch all along

Sing-along

Dee dee, dee dee, dum dum, dum dum

This shit's dumb

Doggied, backdoored, and full of cum

Time to run

I've had some fun

But now your done

I ride into the setting sun

Like I'm a samurai

You've seen with your own eye

But this shits done

And all you can say is why.

 

 

Decent. Not great, but decent.

[Guest caboose]

::Switches on John Cena & Bling-Bling Buchanan Mode::

 

Yo Check It Out,

My Name Is Caboose,

There Is No Doubt,

I'm On The Loose,

Step Upto to me,

And Humbled You will Be,

I'm No Mumbling fool,

Your Just a fuckin Tool,

Straight Outta Compton I Ain't,

I'll make yo Momma Faint,

I'm as fly as Ali G,

Yet As Deadly As a Killer Bee,

Once I'm In Yo Head you better run,

Using My Mic like A Gun,

My Lyrics Flow Like Poo,

Just Don't let Triple H Book you,

I Don't Hit The Smack,

There Ain't Nothing I Lack,

I Am Anything but Vanilla,

Telling It Like It is Like Gorilla,

Word To My Homies In The Library,

I Like Eating Out At Kentucky,

And I'm Out...

 

::Switches John Cena & Bling-Bling Buchanan mode off::

[Guest CanadianChick]

My friends call me Chick

And I am the real deal

My rhymes are so slick

Ain't it surreal?

I'm representing from BC

So down to earth

When I arrive, it's a jubilee

Its been like that since birth

You just can't keep up with me

I'm perfect in every way

Ain't it obvioius to see?

I'm here to stay

So you might as well face it

There's nothing you can do

I'm staying and won't quit

It's true, it's true

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That was pretty fun.

[Guest Mattdotcom]

Mattdotcom don't post to cause trouble

He's just here to do the Smartmarks Board Shuffle

 

From the time I came back

OJ Hart was out of whack

Cell phones, hot tubs, and what'd I do?

Made fun of him for not one day but two

 

NewRadio

Straight up representin'

From the hood to New York to the Criterion Building

 

But like I said

Mattdotcom don't post to cause trouble

He's just here to do the Smartmarks Board Shuffle

[Guest kingkamala]

Yo yo. My name is King Kamala, from the streets of Uganda. Ending Hulkamania and hanging with Kimchee is my thing. The ladies know I'm the master of the avalanche. Born again with Reverand Slick, The Smart Marks don't think I rock but they can just suck my cock. Lawler tried trash talking me, but that geriatric jackass knows I'm the real bawler. Damn Hogan for thinking he could slam me, Damn Yokozuna for sitting on me and damn Vince McMahon for not letting Hogan-Kamala main event WrestleMania III. Well I gotta go back to my tribe, just be cool and keep the Kamala vibe.

[Guest Flyboy]

It's a shame.

 

I'm black and can't even freestyle.

[Guest Ravenbomb]