SJL Metal (12/17) Losing Matches

[Guest Mr. Slim Citrus]

FADE IN

 

A murmur flows through the crowd of the Carlson Center, as the fans are abuzz, electric with anticipation for the main event. Funyon stands in the center of the ring having changed his outfit yet again, this time resplendent in a charcoal and gray pinstriped zoot suit and black and white wingtip shoes. He faces the SmarkTron as he lifts the microphone to his lips. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a First Blood Match!” The crowd begins cheering at this announcement, but quickly shifted to boos, as the speakers are besieged by the harsh drumbeats of Biohazard’s “Sellout.” Ejiro Fasaki stomps onto the stage notably absent his traditional short robe, his eyes clouded with hatred, and marches down towards the ring.

 

“King, this is one of the most dangerous types of matches in the SJL,” says Axis. “Neither one of these two men may be the same after this match is over. What do you think?”

 

“I think I’m expecting to see a blood bath,” replies Suicide King. “These two guys just flat-out HATE each other! And I, for one, agree with Ejiro; Wildchild is an abomination to wrestling! With every daredevil stunt, he spits on the legacy of men like Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz, and Bob Backlund! He’s also putting his own livelihood at great risk, and Ejiro, at great personal expense, extending the benefit of his knowledge and experience to Wildchild, offering to save him from himself. And what did he do with that offer? He pissed all over it!”

 

“Now, wait a minute…”

 

“He pissed all over it,” repeats the King, “and carried right along, embarrassing himself and the sport of professional wrestling. But Ejiro, kindhearted individual that he is, was determined to teach him to respect the sport and its legacy, to teach him to think of his career in the long-term. And how does ‘Clown-boy’ repay his kindness? By repeatedly attacking him, that’s how! By sneaking up on him after matches, by interrupting his own match just to attack Ejiro! By costing him the Ejiropean Championship!”

 

“You’re distorting the facts more than a little bit, King,” relies Axis. “The truth is that Ejiro started this whole thing by breaking that beer pitcher over Wildchild’s head. He has taken it upon himself to try and rob Wildchild of his dreams, of his very individuality. Everybody in this business doesn’t want to be the next Lou Thesz, King. Wildchild wants to be his own man, and Ejiro wants to take it from him; that’s why this feud has become so intense!”

 

Ejiro suddenly comes to a dead stop on the ramp and spins around to his left, as he notices a ringside fan taunting him with a sign, which reads, “Hey Ejiro! Lose something?” Furious, Ejiro lunges at the fan, snatching him sign from him, ripping it to shreds and stomping on the pieces. He then goes back after the fan eyes filled with rage, only to have security separate the two of them, leading down to ringside. “He’s snapped,” remarks Axis, “Ejiro has snapped!”

 

“Making his way to the ring at this time,” continues Funyon, “from Sarasota, Florida, weighing in at one hundred eighty-eight pounds, Eeeeejiro Fasaki!” Ejiro walks past the front of the ring and around to the side, where he reaches underneath the ring, starts pulling out objects, and tossing them into the ring: a Singapore cane, a garbage can, several cookie sheets, and a folding steel chair.

 

“Lookee there, Axis,” the King says mockingly, “Ejiro done pulled out DE PLUNDAH~! WHO BE BAD NOW, AXIS! WHO BE BAD NOW!” Ejiro slides underneath the bottom rope and grabs the Singapore cane as he stands up, making slashing motions in the air with the cane.

 

“Sellout” dies out and the crowd comes alive again as Smashing Pumpkins’ “The Everlasting Gaze” erupts. Wildchild steps out onto the stage, half-dragging what appears to be a large wheeled suitcase made of hard plastic. He is wearing his usual blue, yellow and black face paint, with matching Olympic-style tights, and his hands are heavily wrapped with cotton gauze, completely covering his knuckles and extending halfway down his forearms. “And his opponent,” says Funyon, “from the Bahamas, weighing in at two hundred and seventeen pounds, the Wiiiiildchiiiiild!” Wildchild pulls the case over towards the timekeepers’ table, and sets it to rest in the corner. “I wonder what’s in that case,” says Axis. Wildchild dives into the ring, somersaulting between the bottom and middle ropes, and springs to his feet across the ring from Ejiro. The two suddenly dash towards each other, as the referee frantically motions the timekeeper to ring the bell. Wildchild dives towards the mat, rolling past Ejiro and avoiding a two-handed slashing attack with the cane. He rolls to his feet behind Ejiro and leaps into the air, knocking Ejiro to the mat with a dropkick, and dislodging the cane from his hands.

 

Wildchild picks Ejiro up and whips him towards the corner, but Ejiro reverses and sends him in, instead. Wildchild manages to stop himself from crashing into the corner with his hands, and lifts his body up and backwards as Ejiro charges in after him, vaulting over the top of Ejiro to land behind him, and springing back into the air, dropkicking Ejiro in the back of the head, and sending him sprawling into the turnbuckle face first.

 

BAM!

 

BAM!

 

BAM! BAM! BAM!

 

Wildchild spins Ejiro around and commences battering his face with right hands, eventually dragging him out of the corner, and whipping him to the opposite corner. Wildchild runs the ropes as Ejiro crashes into the turnbuckle chest-first, grabs Ejiro’s neck on the rebound as he staggers backwards out of the corner, driving him to the canvas with a neckbreaker! Wildchild sets up the steel chair in the center of the ring, and picks Ejiro up, whipping him towards the ropes, but Ejiro reverses, sending Wildchild into the ropes instead…

BANG!

 

Ejiro begins to sidestep Wildchild as he rebounds from the ropes, and then suddenly drops his weight to the mat, lacing his feet around Wildchild’s ankle and sending him falling face-first into the chair with a stunning drop toehold. Wildchild rolls over onto his back, clutching his nose, and the referee rushes over to him to check for bleeding, but finds nothing.

 

WHACK!

 

Ejiro pulls Wildchild to his feet, and then snaps his head back harshly with a vicious Ejiropean uppercut. He then grabs Wildchild and whips him into the ropes, jumping off the ground as he rebounds, and swings his right leg around, blasting Wildchild in the face with a Spinning Wheel Kick! Wildchild rolls to the outside of the ring, with Ejiro in hot pursuit. He grabs him by the hair and spins him around, popping him in the face with a hard left fist, and then kicking him in the midsection to double him over, securing a front facelock and grabbing the tights, before swiftly lifting him into the air and over his head, dumping him onto the padded arena floor with a snap suplex.

 

After getting to his feet, Ejiro picks Wildchild up and rolls him into the ring, sliding in after him. After picking his opponent off the mat, Ejiro lifts him off the ground with a fierce kick to the midsection, lifts him again with a second kick, and then drops him unceremoniously to the canvas with a back brain kick. “It’s about time Wildchild gets what’s coming to him,” says the King. “He’s cost Ejiro far too much for far too long, and now he’s getting his just desserts!”

 

Ejiro drags Wildchild over to the ropes, and pushes his head and upper body between the middle and top ropes, sweeping his right arm across Wildchild’s throat and pulling him backwards so that Wildchild’s entire upper body his bent backwards, the ropes providing resistance as Ejiro chokes Wildchild. “This is all your fault,” he spits venomously into Wildchild’s ear. “You’ve caused me enough pain! You’ve embarrassed this business and me for the last time! If you want to cripple yourself, I’m going to give you a helping hand!” With that, Ejiro releases his choke, leaving Wildchild bent over the middle rope gasping for air as he walks over to his plunder and scoops up one of the cookie sheets. He then races to the far ropes and dashes back towards Wildchild as he attempts to extricate himself from the ropes, jumping into the air and landing on Wildchild, smashing his throat against the middle ropes thanks to a running Bossman-style straddle.

 

BANG!

 

While straddling Wildchild’s back, Ejiro grabs the cookie sheet with both hands and swings down, smashing it into Wildchild’s face. He then dismounts the Bahama Bomber and slides outside the ring, cookie sheet still in hand. As stands in front of Wildchild, Ejiro grabs him by the hair and pulls his head closer to him, so that they are nearly nose-to-nose. “Where’s all your daredevil high jinks now, huh?” Without waiting for an answer, Ejiro releases Wildchild’s head and once again grabs the cookie sheet with both hands…

 

BANG!

 

With another swing for the fences, Ejiro blasts Wildchild against the side of his face, just glancing the bridge of the nose. Wildchild rolls back into the ring, clutching his face in pain, and the referee once again checks his face for blood, but still finds nothing. Ejiro slides back into the ring sans cookie sheet, and pulls Wildchild to his feet, whipping him towards the far ropes, but Wildchild reverses and jumps into the air as Ejiro rebounds, hooking his hands around his head and planting his feet into his stomach before arching back, sending Ejiro sailing with a monkey flip. Ejiro rolls immediately to his feet and charges Wildchild, but he steps to one side as Ejiro passes harmlessly by, and catches him flush on the chin as he returns with a shuffling sidekick that sends him tumbling to the mat. Wildchild runs over to the garbage can, picking it up as Ejiro rolls onto his stomach, and charging him at full speed as he gets to his feet…

 

WHAM!

 

With the suddenness of a drive-by shooting, Wildchild streaks across the ring at Ejiro and absolutely BRAINS him with a running garbage can shot! Ejiro rolls painfully onto his stomach as Wildchild raises the garbage can above his head with both hands, and brings it down forcefully onto Ejiro’s neck.

 

WHAM!

 

“Bastard,” screams Wildchild.

 

WHAM!

 

“You wan’ talk ‘bout pain!”

 

WHAM!

 

“Who hit who wit’ a beer pitcher?”

 

WHAM!

 

“Who hit who wit’ a pistol?”

 

WHAM!

 

“Who t’rew who offa twenty foot scaffold?”

 

WHAM!

 

“You’ve gone out of your way to beat me an’ humiliate me, in the name of makin’ me somet’in’ I’m not!”

 

WHAM!

 

“You have tormented me long enough, Fasaki! I will have my freedom from you today, even if ‘dat means I hafta take it from your cold, dead hands!”

 

With that, he picks Ejiro up and whips him into the ropes, jumping into the air and twisting his body as he rebounds, and scoring a rolling elbow smash to the bridge of his nose. A quick inspection by the referee reveals no blood, so Wildchild quickly swoops down on Ejiro and picks him up, securing a side headlock and lifting him off the canvas in a suplex position, spinning around but then falling forward, smashing his face against the canvas. “Devastating face-buster by the Wildchild,” says Axis. It looked like he was going for his patented corkscrew suplex, and then just fell forward and dropped him on his face. And now, he’s going to the top!”

 

WHAM!

 

Wildchild leaps off the top turnbuckle and drives his knee into the back of Ejiro’s neck. He rolls to his feet and raises his arms above his head, clutching at the air and bringing them in close to his chest, to a tremendous pop from the crowd. But, instead of walking over towards Ejiro, he instead walks over to the ropes and vaults over the top, landing on the arena floor and reaches underneath the ring, pulling out a table as the crowd roars, and sliding it into the ring. Wildchild slides back into the ring himself, and sets the table up near one of the corners. He then walks over to Ejiro and pulls him to his feet, and drags him over to the table, laying him atop it. “Mah Gawd,” shrieks Axis, as Wildchild climbs onto the table, “he’s going to give him a Wild Ride on top of the table!”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” replies the King. “He won’t make him bleed with that, anyway.”

 

“Maybe not, but it should definitely soften him up long enough to use whatever’s in that case… Waitaminute! What’s going on? What’s Fugue doing here?”

 

“Yes,” cries the King triumphantly. “It’s the World Champion! He’s here to look out for his Magnificent Seven comrade!” Fugue rushes into the ring and springs to his feet, grabbing Wildchild and snatching him harshly off the table, causing him to clothesline himself on the top rope. “Get him Fugue,” crows the King, as the Champion hooks Wildchild with a double chicken-wing, and falls down to the mat.

 

“Coda! Put it on him, Champ,” cries Suicide King, as Ejiro starts to stir on the table. Fugue suddenly flips over the top of Wildchild, landing in a bridge in front of him. “Yes,” proclaims the King joyously. “Fugue and Wildchild are in perfect Harmony! I love it!”

 

“The Magnificent Seven have take the upper hand,” agrees Axis, as Ejiro rolls off the table and continues on outside the ring. “But as Johnny Dangerous has proven many times, Harmony is not inescapable. In fact, the Wild Ride is a natural counter for it!”

 

Through gritted teeth, Wildchild manages to tuck his legs underneath him and starts to lean forward, alleviating some of the pressure from Harmony. He then pushes forward on his knees as Ejiro reaches underneath the ring outside, and manages to set his feet underneath him. “What the hell,” shouts the King. “Ejiro! Do something quick! Fugue’s in trouble!”

 

With a firm base, Wildchild starts to stand up, as Ejiro pulls a box out from underneath the ring, and pushes it into the ring, quickly sliding in after it. Wildchild finishes standing all the way up, with Fugue hanging off of his back, his legs dangling over his shoulders, as Ejiro pulls a light tube out of the box he retrieved from under the ring. With a wild howl, Wildchild drops down to his posterior, dropping the SJL World Champion harshly on his head with the Wild Ride!

 

SMASH!

 

As Wildchild stands back up, however, he turns around to find Ejiro, who bashes him in the face with a light tube! Shards of glass and a cloud of gas fills the air as Wildchild falls to the mat, his face sliced up in several places by the shattered light tube. Referee Eddy Long inspects our hero’s face, and upon noticing the beginning flow of blood down his face, signals for the timekeeper to ring the bell. “Dammit,” shrieks Axis as Ejiro slides back outside the ring. “Not like this! Not this way!”

 

Funyon stands up from his chair at ringside and speaks into the microphone. “Here is your winner, Eeeeejiro Fasaki!” Ejiro reaches back underneath the ring and pulls out a length of barbed wire, sliding back into the ring with it and laying it near Wildchild. He then drags Fugue’s World Championship belt over towards Wildchild’s face as well, and lifts him up off the mat, bending him over and locking both of his hands in a double-underhook position over Wildchild, and dropping him down face-first onto the belt with a double-underhook piledriver!

 

“Ejirocation,” crows the King. “Ejirocation onto the title! And now he’s reaching for the barbed wire!” Ejiro wraps the barbed wire around his hand as Fugue begins to recover from the effects of the Wild Ride, and begins battering him in the face with his wire-laced hand, opening Wildchild’s wounds up and creating a rapidly growing pool of blood on the mat. Fugue gets to his feet and takes a position above Wildchild where he starts kicking him in the head, helping Ejiro spray Wildchild’s blood around the ring. “Dammit, somebody stop this massacre,” pleads Axis. Eddy Long walks over to Fugue and orders him to leave the ring, but the World Champion pushes him away, causing him to slip in the pool of blood and fall on the mat.

 

Suddenly, the crowd breaks into a cheer as Dace Night runs from the backstage area towards the ring. “It’s Dace, shrieks Axis. “It’s Dace Night! Thank God!”

 

“He’s got no business coming down to the ring,” scolds the King. “Somebody get him the hell out of there!” Dace slides into the ring, running directly at the World Champion and clotheslines him out of the ring!

 

As Dace chases Fugue into the crowd, Ejiro relents in his assault on Wildchild’s head, his colorful face paint now completely replaced by a horrifying crimson mask, and sets the chair back up in the center of the ring. He pulls Wildchild into a standing headscissors position and wraps his arms around his waist, lifting him into the air for a powerbomb, but starts to slip on the blood, and struggles just to stay upright. Having recovered his balance, he starts to drop Wildchild onto the chair, but…

 

CLANG!

 

The few seconds that it took Ejiro to regain his balance allowed Wildchild to recover just enough to shift his weight as he starts falling, and he escapes Ejiro’s control as he uses his body weight to drop Ejiro’s face onto the steel chair. “Mah Gawd! Rocker Dropper onto the chair,” cries Axis. Both men lay on the mat, Wildchild’s body becoming drenched in his own blood. As he sits up, he notices the crimson flood that has overrun the ring, and realizes that it has come from him. His eyes settle on Ejiro, and suddenly a burst of adrenaline surges through him, as he gets to his feet, and drags Ejiro over to the corner, lifting him up off the mat and seating him on the top turnbuckle. He then climbs to the second turnbuckle, clasping his arms together with a double-underhook on Ejiro, and stepping onto the top turnbuckle, lifting him off the turnbuckle, and spinning around as they both fall towards the center of the ring…

 

SMASH!

 

“Oh My Gawd,” screams Axis. “Bahama Bomb! Wildchild hit Ejiro with a Bahama Bomb through the table! Oh My Gawd!” Wildchild gets to his feet and steps over the top of Ejiro, screaming into air with a frenzied howl. He then stalks over to the ropes and climbs outside the ring, walking over to his mysterious box. “My Gawd, King! We’re about to find out what’s in the box!”

 

“Whatever it is,” replies the King, “It can’t change the fact that he’s already lost this match! He might get a few more shots in, but in the end, Ejiro will have the last laugh, AGAIN!”

 

Wildchild opens up the mysterious box and pulls a lid off of a plastic storage container, and then a second. He then inexplicably slams his hands into the first container moving his arms back and forth, and finally lifts them into the air, the gauze on his hands now glistening with a dark brown liquid. “What do you suppose that stuff is, King,” asks Axis, bewildered. Wildchild then slams his hands into the second container, repeating the same strange behavior as before. He lifts his hands out of the container and inspects them, just out of the range of the cameraman. With a snarl not-of-this-world, Wildchild climbs onto the ring apron as the cameraman focuses on his hands.

 

“Oh My Gawd!”

 

“Holy Shit,” shrieks the King. “Is that what I think it is?”

 

“Mah Gawd,” cries Axis. “That’s broken glass! King, he’s covered his hands in broken glass!”

 

Wildchild climbs to the top turnbuckle and raises his fist to chest level, leaping off and driving his glass-covered fist into Ejiro’s face, sending a spray of red mist into the air. Wildchild straddles the bloody Ejiro and grinds his fist and forearm back and forth across his nose, ripping the flesh like wet tissue paper! He then ruthlessly assails Ejiro’s head with Ultimate Punches™, each blow sending an arc of blood flying from Ejiro’s visage.

 

“Somebody get this crazy bastard out of the ring,” shrieks the King. “He’s going to kill Ejiro!”

 

“You’re welcome to go in there and help Ejiro if you’re so inclined,” replies Axis. “I’m not going within twenty feet of that guy right now!”

 

Wildchild attempts to pick Ejiro up off the canvas, but can’t get a grip through the layers of blood, so he runs towards the ropes, and dives feet-first towards Ejiro off the rebound, kicking him towards the edge of the ring. He slides outside the ring and tangles Ejiro’s arms between the middle and bottom ropes, leaving his head dangling off the ring apron. “My God,” cries the King, “hasn’t this bloodthirsty freak done enough damage?” Apparently not, King, as Wildchild stalks over to the side of the ring where Ejiro had left the barbed wire and Singapore cane, and retrieves them. Climbing back into the ring, he begins to walk over towards Ejiro but slips in a pool of blood lying in the center of the ring, the impact of his fall sending even more blood flying all over. Wildchild lay in the puddle, still bleeding slightly himself, clutching his chest and breathing heavily. With another feral snarl, he scrambles to his feet, stumbling over to the ropes and slinging the barbed wire over the top rope tying one end to the top rope, and wrapping the other end around the throat of Ejiro.

 

“My God, I’m going to be sick,” moans Axis, as Wildchild climbs outside the ring, cane in hand, and proceeds to bash Ejiro repeatedly in the face with it. By this point, even the crowds’ once bloodthirsty cheers have been reduced to a squeamish murmur, as a cadre of officials run down from the backstage area to separate them. Dace Night also finally emerges from the crowd and steps between Wildchild and Ejiro, helping three of the officials escort him from the ringside area as a half-dozen others attempt to free Ejiro from his wiry prison, as “The Everlasting Gaze” once again pumps through the speakers.

 

“Ejiro has bested the Wildchild in yet another battle,” shouts Axis, “but BAH GAWD, he may have ultimately lost the war!” Wildchild growls menacingly towards the ring as Dace and the referees lead him up the ramp towards the backstage area. “We don’t know WHAT kind of shape Ejiro’s going to be in for his World Title match…”

 

“But he won,” interrupts Suicide King. “Wildchild is a maniacal freak, and this match proved it, but Ejiro is going to get the title shot, and nothing that just happened can take that away!”

 

The camera remains focused on Wildchild, who continues to snarl savagely as he’s read up the ramp. “There’s no telling how that match will affect the Magnificent Seven,” says Axis, “but there’s no doubt that no matter who leaves Wrath as the World Champion, that Ejiro and Wildchild still have business to settle between them! Good night, folks, for Suicide King, I’m Axis. We’ll join you on Sunday from Anchorage for SJL Wrath!”

 

Wildchild shouts towards the ring, “I’m not through with you!”

 

As we:

 

FADE OUT