The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 19

[Guest TSMAdmin]

NWA:TNA Week 19

 

Hey everyone...I’d like to thank all of you who read my Ring of Honor review. Your feedback has been absolutely incredible. Be on the look out for the second show, The Round Robin Challenge, some time soon.

 

For those of you who haven’t heard the big news, NWA:TNA has been sold to the Panda Corporation, a company based out of Texas. Because of this, Vince Russo is now out of the creative team and has effectively quit the company. We can all rejoice now.

 

Hopefully, this’ll give TNA the push they need to bring out the potential they had in their first few weeks.

 

Let’s get ready to recap!

 

Instead of the usual opening video package, we open up to footage of the NWA 54th Anniversary show that took place this past weekend.....THEN we get the usual intro.

 

We immediately go to the back for an interview with Goldy and The Rainbow Express, Bruce and Lenny Lane. Lenny hasn’t been in TNA since Week 4 after a “love spat” between him and Bruce. The similarities in appearance between himself and Jericho is eerie. Goldy starts the interview off by actually calling Bruce a bitch. Bruce claims that Lenny was jealous of his TNA crown...but made things better by making him the runner up to his crown, filling in whenever he can’t.

 

Miss TNA Match: Bruce w/Lenny vs. Jorge Estrada w/Priscilla:

 

Match Background: Last week, Estrada and Priscilla faced Ace Steel and Bruce in an intergender tag team match. After the match, Priscilla was spanked by Mortimer Plumtree thanks to Steel and Bruce....so the challenge was made for tonight. If Estrada wins, Priscilla becomes Miss TNA.

 

The Match: Estrada’s afro is OUT OF CONTROL...kinda like Jericho’s goatee these days. As Lenny accompanies Bruce to the ring...he eats a banana (deep throating it before every bite, of course). Before they lock up, Lenny and Bruce hug...and Bruce grabs a handful of cheek. Bruce starts out with a sunset flip on the Elvis impersonator....HUMPING him down for two. NICE rollover into a front face like by Estrada leads to a flurry of dropkicks and armdrags. Monkey flip by Bruce, but Estrada can’t properly land on his feet. Estrada hits the All Shook Up (Hiptoss into neckbreaker) for two. Priscilla gets on the apron for some dumb reason and distracts the ref while Lenny and Bruce doubleteam her man. After a series of nearfalls by the former Kwee Wee, Bruce uses Estrada’s ‘FRO to pull him back to the mat. West isn’t ragging on the gay gimmick like he did when Bruce first “won” the TNA crown. I’ve got to say, West is really coming along as an announcer, although he’s got a lot to learn. Estrada gets a roll up, Lenny runs into the ring and charges him, getting a Northern Light Suplex at the same time!!! “TNA” chant for that one. Crossbody by Estrada gets a two count. “Tinkerbell” chant by the crowd as Bruce tries to sunset flip him off the apron to the floor. Estrada counters it by NAILING HIMSELF ON THE HEAD ON THE FLOOR, performing a ‘rana. Damn! Back in the ring now, Estrada gives Bruce the ugliest looking belly to back I’ve EVER seen for a two count. Then Estrada follows THAT up with an ugly Stratisfaction bulldog! Lenny is actually getting the crowd to chant “Bruce”! West actually admits that he missed The Rainbow Express while this is going on. “I’m going to Graceland” shouts Estrada. “Bullshit, you are” says some random fan. He botches the forward roll part of the Trip to Graceland, landing too close to the ropes. Bruce puts his knees up to block the 2nd rope moonsault part of it. Bruce is finally able to come back by sitting down through a flying head scissors attempt by Estrada ala Scoot Andrews. Priscilla then crawls into the ring before Bruce is able to make a cover and KISSES Bruce. Bruce falls to the outside from an Estrada dropkick that barely brazed him. Man, these guys just can’t get anything right tonight! Lenny runs around ringside and grabs Priscilla. Bruce joins him, but before they attack her, Estrada flies over the top with a pescado. Bruce starts chasing Priscilla around ringside.....but slips on Lenny’s banana peel. Lenny encourages the ref to count him out, which he does....and Bruce retains his title because the count out wasn’t intentional.

 

My Opinion: This was an EXTREMELY sloppy match with too many damn silly antics. All things considering, this was probably Bruce’s best single’s match in a long time, so go figure. ¼*

 

In the back, Goldilocks is in the back with Sonny Siaki. He talks about facing BG James tonight in the semis of the World Title contendership tournament. The interview is pretty funny as Goldy keeps no-selling his sexual come ons. Siaki even says that she bid in the silent auction on TNA’s website to become his personal valet for a night as that’s the only thing that gets a reaction out of her.

 

BG James vs. Sonny Siaki

 

Match Background: None, these guys have never met in the ring...

 

The Match: BG comes out with THE STICK~! and compares Siaki’s looks to his own ass cheeks. I shit you not! He says nothing of importance afterwards and pays for wasting precious mic time by getting attacked from behind. Siaki starts out with a few punches before BG comes back with the Shake, Rattle and Roll punches. BG’s on offense for a few seconds as I wonder why I was such a big Road Dogg fan in ’98. Siaki comes back by working the leg as Tenay and West marvel at his ability to work both X style and heavyweight style. BG kicks Siaki off of him before succumbing to a dropkick to the knee. Well, what do you know....BG’s actually selling the leg. Siaki goes for the Muta Lock (reverse Indian Deathlock with bridging chinlock) but can’t lock it on properly and can’t hook the chinlock. They begin brawling around ringside with BG still selling the leg and color me impressed! Too bad is just really SLOW. Somersault neckbreaker by Siaki! He goes up top but Jerry Lynn comes down to ringside. Siaki spots him and gets distracted allowing BG to get the Shaky kneedrop. Siaki then goes for the Siakolypse but Road Dogg spins out and gets the Humphandle Slam for the poin.

 

My Opinion: In my opinion, the wrong guy went over with BG now in the finals of tournament. I had been under the impression from the past two weeks that the Lynn-Siaki feud had been blownoff, dammit. ½*

 

They show a Disciples of the New Church promo. Nothing really of note.

 

Goldilocks is in the back with “Cowboy” James Storm and “Wildcat” Chris Harris and Harris is PISSED OFF. I’m getting this really cool Sting vibe from him as he yells into the camera. Storm gets in and goes for his “Buck-a-roo” line, but gets all serious and starts yelling too. This was DEFINITELY their best promo since TNA started....but Storm needs a lot more work on his stuff than Harris.

 

America’s Most Wanted (Storm and Harris) vs. The Disciples of the New Church (Slash & Brian Lee)

 

Match Background: After a few weeks of promos stating that “Evil” will return...Father James Mitchell appeared with Slash and Lee after the Tag Title defense by Harris and Storm. They attacked them post match, chokeslamming Storm through a table and driving Harris through the other, leading to this match.

 

The Match: Father James Mitchell cuts a promo before the match starts, predicting bloodshed in this match. Storm and Harris are now being called America’s Most Wanted by TNA...and I LIKE IT. They rush to the ring and take the fight to the Disciples immediately. Harris gets a nice pescado on Lee while Storm cleans house with Slash. Drop toe hold into a chair by Storm causes Slash to whip out the blade and he starts bleeding HEAVILY. Back in the ring, Storm hits a nice superkick before Harris follows up with a top rope elbow. “Evil” chant by the crowd as AMW hit a Veg-O-Matic. Lee pulls Storm out of the ring and with the ref distracted, Mitchell drives a spike into Storm’s head, busting him open as well...but not nearly as much as Slash. Slash is just DRIPPING. Nice big boot/Russian Leg Sweep combo by the Evil Ones. The women are chanting “Let’s go Cowboys” as the men chant “Evil”. Ha! Slash goes for a top rope somersault, but misses and Storm is able to make the hot tag to Harris who becomes a HOUSE....EN....FUEGO~! He hits the Catatonic on Lee but FJM distracts the ref, allowing Slash to nail him with a chair shot. The cover......ONE.....TWO.....NO! Harris is able to come back with a double clothesline...allowing him to tag in Storm and HE becomes a HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Everyone in now, but FJM hands Lee the spike and he uses it on them causing a DQ. They put a hurtin’ on AMW until security comes in to stop it.

 

My Opinion: *3/4. Match was going nicely before the DQ finish. I’m looking forward to a rematch. Storm and Harris have really improved in the ring.

 

Brian Lawler vs. Syxx-Pac

 

Match Background: After facing in each other in several tag matches, Syxx-Pac started messing around with Brian Lawler’s girlfriend April in the back. Of course, this was ok because he’s supposed to be the face in this feud. Anyway, ‘Pac and April kissed in front of Lawler in Week 17, causing Lawler to lose a match to BG James. Later that night, Lawler extracted his revenge by costing ‘Pac the X Division title in a No DQ match with AJ Styles. This match should have taken place last week, but ‘Pac dislocated his hip in the X title match and didn’t show up last week. Now, it turns out that this match is part of the first round of the NWA World title shot tourney.

 

The Match: As Lawler comes down to the ring with April, he’s berated by fans due to his actions last week, where he beat a “fan” up. Lawler sneak attacks ‘Pac as he walks to the ring and gets the advantage early. He tells April to slap him, but she refuses. He comes to the outside to plead with her to slap him. Back in the ring now....’Pac is in the corner and starts SCREAMING at Lawler to hit some more. “Come on, motherfucker!” He said it, not me. ‘Pac fights back, but Lawler gets a neckbreaker to comeback. ‘Pac’s reaction “Aw...shit!”. Once again, Lawler asks April to slap Syxx-Pac, but she refuses. He goes back to the outside and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to slap him. ‘Pac comes back with a spin kick that BARELY brazed Lawler, if it hit him at all, and he falls to the outside. Some brawling leads to the usual spot where ‘Pac is crotched on the ring post. As he throws ‘Pac back into the ring, Lawler starts messing with a fan...and they mark out. He goes to the top and misses the Hip Hop Drop, allowing ‘Pac to come back with his usual plethora of spin kicks. “Come on, you mothafucka!” He counters a ‘rana attempt into a sit out powerbomb too. ‘Pac then does the most offensive Bronco Buster of ALL TIME as he literally pulls Lawler’s head into his crotch to make it look like he’s receiving male fellatio. Look it up fellas, you know what I mean. ‘Pac then starts kissing April again, with no resistance on her part. As he turns around, he EATS a Lawler superkick. 10 punches in the corner and he demands April to come on top of the apron. He grabs her by the hair and says “Come here, you cunt!” This distraction gives ‘Pac the opportunity to nail him with a low blow and hit the X-Factor for the pin, advancing in the tournament to face Jarrett next week. He grabs April and starts walking to the back. He grabs a handful of her tatas as he taunts Lawler. All of a sudden, he starts pretending to have trouble breathing....which is OBVIOUSLY fake as he ends up taking a back bump and over selling it. April comes back to console him.

 

My Opinion: * LOTS of cursing in this match...I don’t care at all about this April angle, but I don’t get the purpose of it. ‘Pac really isn’t looking like the face in this feud and Lawler’s over acting doesn’t help.

 

Earlier this week, Tenay spoke with Ron “The Truth” Killings. He says that he trusts Mike Tenay..and he’s the only one he trusts. The Mr. Wrestling III situation is really bothering him so if he wants a shot..he has a contract waiting for him to sign. He gives it to Tenay to await Mr. Wrestling III’s signature. I’ve never heard Killings speak normally....he comes across well.

 

Jeff Jarrett then comes down to the ring, demanding to speak to Tenay. He talks about how there is a lot of speculation that he is Mr. Wrestling III. He asks him for a pen so he can sign it....but rips up the contact. He says that he’s been waiting for 6 months for a shot and he’s not going allow someone to hop over him in a way to get a title shot. He wants to EARN it in the tourney, basically confirming that he’s NOT Mr. Wrestling III. Well, you got Jarrett/’Pac next week and the winner faces James. James ain’t winning a damn thing, so its pretty much a given that it’ll be Jarrett/Killings. Tenay does have another copy of the contract though....

 

5 Man X Division Table Elimination Match:

 

Jose Maximo vs. Joel Maximo vs. Ace Steel vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Kid Kash

 

Match Background: These men all participated in the Anything Goes X Title Ladder Match from Week 15. The SAT’s, Mamaluke and Kash participated in the 5 way dance in Week 17 to see who would face AJ Styles last week and lost to Amazing Red. Well, this week, Red isn’t in the match and Ace Steel (ugh) is in his place.

 

The Match: The match starts with Mamaluke attacking the SAT’s.....and Steel hasn’t even arrived yet. He finally comes in and it turns into one big brawl. Steel and Joel Maximo go at it....as Steel hits Joel with an ugly dropkick that sends him over the top to the floor. As Steel and Joel brawl outside the ring, Jose Maximo flies back with an Asai Moonsault. Mamaluke joins the crowd with a crossbody to the outside. Kid Kash tops it off with a springboard somersault onto the pile! Kash springboard clotheslines Steel ALL the way across the ring! Steel comes back with a firemans carry into a backbreaker and then follows THAT up with a dropkick to the face from the 2nd rope. Mamaluke sneaks in and hits Steel with his KILLER back drop driver! He catches Jose Maximo with a Fujiwara arm bar coming off the top. Joel breaks that up but Kash then ‘ranas Joel to the outside. Kash tries to jump over the top and ‘rana him again but he’s caught and powerbombed on the floor! The SAT’s set up SPANISH FLY~!! on Mamaluke, but Steel breaks it up. Mamaluke hits a superplex on Jose instead and locks on a front face lock with body scissors. Mamaluke sets up a table in the ring and one lying on the top turnbuckle. As The SAT’s move the table in the ring into the corner, Steel Rydien bombs Mamaluke off the top to the mat! Looked sloppy as hell though. Mamaluke then hits a swinging DDT on Steel through the table propped up in the corner for the first elimination! Mamaluke on the apron now hits a HARD swinging DDT onto Jose on the ramp!!! That looked like it HURT. Mamaluke sets up two tables by the ramp....but ends up on it after Kash nails him. Joel MOONSAULTS OFF THE TOP TO THE OUTSIDE and drives Mamaluke THROUGH the table for the elimination! That is the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen Joel do! Now its the SAT’s vs. Kash...and they need to team up, unlike what they usually do. Back in the ring, Kash hits a BRAINBUSTER OVER THE KNEE for two. Not nearly as cool as the Bank Roll though. Joel comes in and starts brawling with Kash until he receives.....the BANK ROLL~!! The SAT’s recover and go for a double powerbomb, but Kash rolls through it. He sets up a table diagonally by the announcers table. The SAT’s blow a double team maneuver before moving the table again. All three men go spilling out of the ring and this allows Kash to put Joel Maximo on the table at ringside. He hurancanranas Jose off the top to the outside, putting him THROUGH THE TABLE HIS BROTHER IS ON for the double elimination and the win!!!

 

My Opinion: **. Some very cool spots. All members worked hard, but Steel and the SAT’s were sloppy at times. Joel Maximo really impressed me in this match.

 

Video package about Hennig vs. Jarrett.

 

Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig:

 

Match Background: In Week 16, Jarrett cost Curt Hennig the NWA World Title against The Truth. The next week, he cost Jarrett a match against Hall. This ended up coming to a head backstage when Jarrett and Hennig brawled and JJ ended up bloodying the former Mr. Perfect. Because of this, Hennig was too weak to compete and JJ ended up pinning him in the ring in less than a minute.

 

The Match: Jarrett comes out first and runs down Hennig’s claims of superiority by detailing the number of titles he’s won in various promotions and how he almost beat him for the AWA title at the age of 19. He says that Hennig isn’t in the building....but when the bell rings, of course, he runs down in street clothes. They start brawling immediately before they spill into the crowd. The brawl around the building before Hennig goes for a chair. He gets a few chairshots but is then stopped by the ref...so he CLOCKS him! In the ring now, he hits the Hennig-Plex...and I’ve NEVER seen him hit it without bridging! He does it two more times before a ref comes in and announces the DQ for hitting the other official. Hennig takes out some security members as Jarrett escapes.

 

My Opinion: ¼* This is for the three Hennig-Plexes. Everything else was nothing more than just a boring brawl around the building.

 

West pimps next weeks matches. Kid Kash vs. either Lynn or Styles....plus Jarrett/’Pac. Brian Lawler and April vs. Estrada and Priscilla. Amazing Red vs. Jimmy Yang (!!!) vs. Tony Mamaluke.

 

We go to the BEST video package the NWA has put together with clips of their long running fued and excerpts of wrestling journalists praising the Styles/Lynn feud.

 

AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn for the X Division Title:

 

Match Background: This has been NWA:TNA’s longest running and best feud to date. It all started in Week 2 when AJ Styles pinned Jerry Lynn twice in the double elimination X Division match to become its first champion. The next week, AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn became NWA tag champs. They began to have some respect issues and had MANY physical altercations, but all seemed to have been worked out. In a match with Low-Ki, Jerry Lynn was on the verge of winning when AJ turned on him, causing a triple threat match in Week 8 between those three where Low-Ki pinned Lynn to win the X title. The following week, their NWA tag titles were held up after a controversial double pin. In week 10, it seemed as though the feud was coming to an end as they had a best two of out three falls match to determine the number one contender for Low-Ki’s title. Tied at one fall, the final fall came under IronMan rules which ended in a draw. This led to another triple threat match, however, under ladder match rules where Jerry Lynn pinned Low-Ki to win the title. They then met in Week 14 for Jerry Lynn’s X title, where Styles won the title due to Sonny Siaki’s interference. Bullet Bob Armstrong reversed the decision and the title was awarded back to Lynn....but a rematch was ordered the next week. The following week, Week 15, Siaki and Lynn got into a confrontation where Lynn’s knee was badly injured and he was stripped of the X Division title. He would be granted a title match when he felt was 100% again. AJ Styles soon won the X title again, becoming the first two-time X Division champion. After settling his business with Sonny Siaki, this is Jerry Lynn’s shot...and HOPEFULLY this is the blowoff match. So far in NWA:TNA, AJ Styles has yet to be defeated in a one on one match and was never pinned for any of the titles that he lost, including the X title. Lynn was never defeated for his X title either. One other factor in this match is that this will be the first time Lynn is going to face Styles with Mortimer Plumtree is AJ’s corner.

 

The Match: I’ve got to note...Lynn’s got new music that doesn’t SUCK! Both men exchange armbars, armwringers and armdrags to start. Tenay mentions that EZ Money will be debuting next week.....where the hell is Mike Sanders? The crowd chanting for both men as they feel each other out. Quick chain wrestling sequence ends with Lynn getting the upperhand. Styles gets a series of near falls, stands up to pose...but EATS a lariat when he turns around. Tilt-a-whirl back breaker by Jerry Lynn! Bow and arrow by Lynn as TNA struggles to bring us a replay on the tilt-a-whirl. We finally get a replay on that awesome tilt-a-whirl. Flying head scissors by Styles is countered into a stun gun by Lynn for two. HARD chop by Lynn makes AJ SCREAM in the corner! AJ on the apron now, Lynn dropkicks him to the floor. Trying to get back in, Styles snaps Lynn’s neck back using the ropes. He goes for a shoulder block, Lynn goes for his patented legdrop but AJ knows its coming and moves out of the way. Lynn trips Styles instead and he goes spilling to the floor again. Lynn follows him out and whips him into the guard rail but AJ hurdles it! Lynn uses the guard rail as a springboard, but AJ Superkicks him down before he can come off with anything! Styles tries to springboard off the guard rail but Lynn kicks him in the midsection! Back in the ring now, Styles tosses Lynn to the outside. He talks to the official while Plumtree gets in some cheap shots. Absolutely GORGEOUS pescado to Lynn.....quite possibly the best I’ve ever seen! Styles goes for a powerbomb but Lynn ‘ranas out of it! He goes for the Cradle Piledriver but AJ back drops out of it and NAILS Lynn with a clothesline for two. AJ goes for the Styles Clash but Lynn tries to slide through his legs....allowing Styles to put him in a Boston Crab! The pace of this match is slower than their other encounters. AJ with a STIFF kick to the chest....Lynn ASKS for another but it misses. Styles goes for a ‘rana, but Lynn turns it into his flipping facebuster. It didn’t look good this time though. They are off tonight for some reason. Mortimer distracts the ref before he can get a cover on Styles. AJ takes the opportunity to nail a low blow and hit his quebrada into reverse DDT. That move needs a damn name! AJ charges Lynn in the corner....but EATS a sit out powerbomb! Lynn is too hurt to cover! Lynn becomes a HOUSE EN FUEGO~! with a flurry of offense! Styles tries to come back with a swinging DDT, but Lynn reverses that into a Northern Light suplex into the corner for two! Mortimer gets on the apron....but Lynn shoves AJ into him! Cradle Piledriver in the middle of the ring....ONE......TWO......NO!!!! Dammit....Sonny Siaki comes down to ringside! TKO by Lynn.....ONE....TWO....Siaki pulls out the ref! While Lynn is distracted, Plumtree wedges a chair between the turnbuckles. A go behind is turned into a drop toe hold and Lynn goes right into the chair head first! Lynn kicks out as the ref is late to make the pin! STYLES CLASH~!! ONE....TWO.....NO!!!! Styles is going up to the top...but gets crotched by Lynn! Superplex by Jerry and it gets a VERY close near fall! Lynn goes for a Gory Special, but its reversed by AJ who hits the Splash Mountain into a facebuster for two!! Cradle Piledriver by STYLES is blocked! Lynn goes for a Tombstone Piledriver.....but AJ reverses it! Mortimer turns around, confident that victory is in hand....Lynn reverses it again....CRADLE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! That’s the same move Lynn won the ECW World Title with! ONE...TWO....THREE!!! Lynn has defeated Styles for the X Division Title! Mortimer can’t believe it! Styles is no longer undefeated in one on one competition!

 

My Opinion: The end did heat up, but to be honest, I was disappointed. They’ve had better matches with each other, like the two out of three falls match, which SHOULD have been the blow off. I’d love to know where they go from here. ***1/4.

 

Overall: It seems as if the X Division will be starting a new chapter as Styles/Lynn should now be closed. The World title scene is heating up with Jarrett most likely winning the long awaited title shot against the Truth. Storm and Harris are improving every week. Hopefully, they can inject some new faces *coughMikeSanderscough* and more X Division talent and TNA will be alright for now.

 

‘Til next week...

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez.

 

Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, marriage proposals, job offers, etc...send it all to [email protected]