Dr. Tom's Velocity Report

[Guest TSMAdmin]

DR. TOM’S VELOCITY REPORT

 

Hey, for those of you who keep track of these things, OR Polk and I are going to be alternating Velocity for the foreseeable future. Polk has a lot on his plate away from this site, so I’m putting a little more on mine to give the man a well-deserved break.

 

Besides, Velocity reports might actually get some hits now . . . well, at least on my weeks.

 

Speaking of Polk and I, we went to a Smackdown house show in Baltimore earlier today, and we’ll be checking back in tomorrow with a tag-team report on it.

 

On tape from Columbus, Ohio, this is WWE Velocity for 11/16/02. Happy birthday, Mom! Your hosts are Michael Cole and Marc Loyd.

 

Opening Match: Chuck Palumbo vs. Crash Not-Holly. That clumsy Crash “falls” vaulting into the ring before the match. Looks like they’ll be playing this one for laughs. Crash starts with a headlock, then begs off the inevitable shoulderblock. Crash kicks Chuck, but takes Snake Eyes and a HARD whip to the corner. Crash drop toeholds Chuck into the turnbuckle and put the boots to him. Crash breaks out the Von Raschke claw, and dropkicks Chuck for 2. He slams him for 2, then gets 2 twice more. Crash goes to the chinlock, and Chuck fights out, only to eat a boot on the charge. Crash goes up, but Chuck raises the boots on what looked like a fistdrop. Chuck clotheslines Crash and hits a pair of belly-to-belly suplexes, the latter of the overhead variety. Discus punch sets up what Loyd called the “Crash Landing” (another of the many spinebuster/chokeslam variants), and Chuck picks up the win at 5:00. Not much to see here. 2/10

(Winner: Chuck Palumbo, pinfall via “Crash Landing” at 5:00)

 

It’s clip time, as Angle lists his superlatives and accomplishments on Smackdown. Everyone else in the three-way tag match comes out to scout Angle because he’s so much better than they are.

 

Now we get clips of the Angle vs. Benoit match. If you want to read about it, it was the de facto main event on Smackdown.

 

Ahhhhhlbert vs. Shannon Moore. Albert REALLY needs to wrestle in a shirt. Shannon tries to bring the brawling, but we all know a cruiserweight can’t stand up to a HOSS BAH GAWD. Albert backdrops Shannon and clotheslines him out. Albert buries a few knees in Moore’s gut, and stunguns him for 2. Shannon boots Albert on a charge and goes up, but his second-rope plancha is caught and turned into a shoulderbreaker. Albert posts himself on a charge, and Moore gets him with the leaping stomp. Albert stops all this little guy offense with a bicycle kick, and the Baldobomb finishes Moore. I didn’t time this one, but it was about 3:00. This is why no one takes the cruisers seriously: JR can half-heartedly pimp them in his Ross Report, but then they get squashed in sucky three-minute matches against the “hosses.” And speaking of sucky matches, this one certainly qualifies. DUD

 

Jamie Noble and Nidia come out to the ring and call the crowd trash. Pot, kettle, black. Nidia does some posing and says she’s a lady, and Noble says it’s all about respect. This didn’t do much except establish that Nidia can’t count, and that she and Noble like to put their hands on each other a lot.

 

Clip time again: a nice package of the Brock-Big Slow feud thus far.

 

After a commercial, it’s time to pimp Tough Enough.

 

“Main Event:” Former Reverend D’Von Damn Dudley vs. NUMBAH ONE Announcer Funaki. It's 10:59 by my watch when they start this one. D’Von slugs it out with Funaki and suplexes him for 2. Funaki gets some offense in with a dropkick, into an armdrag and drop toehold. He does a sliding dropkick into D’Von’s face and tries to brawl. Funaki goes up, and comes down with the Please Counter Me, so D’Von obliges with a clothesline. D’Von slams Funaki and drop the elbow for 2, then goes to the chinlock. Funaki escapes and rolls D’Von up for 2, but takes a harsh powerslam. D’Von misses the second-rope diving headbutt, and Funaki bulldogs him for 2. A DDT for 2 follows, then D’Von hits the Saving Grace out of nowhere for the win at 4:22. Wow, I’m used to Smackdown, where the main events actually live up to their billing. This wasn’t offensive or anything. 2/10

 

That’s a wrap, as Cole and Loyd start pimping Confidential. I haven’t watched Velocity in months, so I don’t have a lot to compare it to, but this seemed like a typical throwaway B-show before a PPV. It was nothing to write home about, but nothing to make you run for the remote, either. Except maybe during the Albert match.

 

Look for Retro Rob’s report on Confidential, as well as OR Polk and I teaming up to bring you the Baltimore house show report, sometime before the PPV tomorrow.

 

Dr. Tom

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