WWE Heat Recap: December 1st, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Heat last week was a great show, or at least, from what I saw (which was none of the show), it was. Last week I forgot to tape Heat, and rather than just not doing the recap, I made up an entire episode of Heat just to see who the hell actually reads this god forsaken report. It turns out that people DO actually read this thing, as I got some positive feedback for my parody:

 

Thanks to everyone who sent me mail, I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, this week I remembered to tape the show, so it looks like it’s back to the standard formula.

 

The pyro goes off, and it’s time for this week’s SPINE TINGLING episode of WWE Heat.

 

Your party hosts are Tony Schiavone’s fiancé, Jonathan Coachman and Lita, who has the most annoying voice on the planet.

 

Here comes Tommy Dreamer to start things off. Well, he’s a welcome face to me, it’s nice to see someone else besides Credible, Stamboli, Raven and the rest of the usual Heat crew. His opponent for tonight is The Human Penis, Justin Credible. This might not be so bad.

 

Coach and Lita wish us a Happy Thanksgiving, and now I’m wondering which occurs more. Blown spots by Lita, or voice cracks by Lita?

 

Match One : Tommy Dreamer vs. The Lost Johnson Brother, Justin Credible

Seriously, I think if they repackaged Credible as Aldo Montoya again he’d get over in a comedy gimmick.

Tie-up to start, with Dreamer getting backed into the corner and shoved to the outside. Credible slaps Dreamer, and tosses him back into the ring. Credible goes to work stomping Dreamer in the face. Dreamer hangs onto the second rope, but Credible grabs his legs, pulls him off, and turns it into a powerbomb for two. Credible climbs to the second rope, but gets hit with a boot from Credible. Dreamer pounds the mat to get back into it, and takes Credible down with some punches and a nice neckbreaker. He whips Credible off the ropes, and hits a powerslam for 2. Dreamer climbs to the second and walks the rope. He tries for an elbow off the second rope but misses. Credible locks Dreamer in a front facelock and tries for a DDT, but Dreamer spins out and hits an Evenflow DDT for the win! Dreamer gets a nice pop for the win and walks off holding his jaw.

½ *, too short to be anything.

 

Johnny Stamboli vs. D’Lo Brown is the main event for tonight, but first, 3 Minute Warning have a match. Whew, it’s nice to get some new blood on this show.

 

Anthology shill, this time for Eric Bischoff’s music. For some reason, I really like his theme, though I might be alone on that one...

 

Commercial Break.

 

WWE Rewind:

Raven breaking Aaron Stevens’ fingers from last week.

 

Speak of the devil, Raven is backstage with Howard Finkel. Finkel asks Raven why he broke Stevens’ fingers, and Raven says there must be consequences for one’s choices. Raven says he’s trying to bring salvation to everyone and shills his masterpiece. Raven says his masterpiece will be looked back on thousands of years from now and he’ll be granted immortality. Raven says he’s going to have a demonstration every week for each of the 7 deadly sins, which is part of his masterpiece. Good promo, and it got Raven some good heat.

 

Here comes Danny Denucci and Pat Qsik. They actually have a theme, though it’s pretty generic. They get zero reaction, as no one knows who they are, and neither do I... I don’t know a damn thing about either of these guys. Ah, looks like we’re in store for another short squash match. Eh, makes my job easier.

 

"3 Minutes and we’re outta here, the clock is tickin and we’re in the clear!" God damn it, I have that theme stuck in my head.

 

Match Two: Three Minute Warning vs. Danny Denucci and Pat Qsik

Jamal and Qsik start off, and Jamal overpowers Qsik with lefts and rights. Qsik fights back, but Jamal totally no sells it, and gets punched down. Jamal whips Qsik off the ropes, and gets hit with a HUGE clothesline. Jamal walks on Qsik’s chest and hits a Vader Bomb, but lets up on the pinfall. He wants to dish out more punishment. He pounds away some more on Qsik, and tags in Rosie. Rosie takes him down with a big shoulderblock, and begs Qsik to get up. Denucci (w/ Blue hair) hits Rosie, and Rosie pulls him into the ring. Denucci punches Rosie, but Rosie no sells it. Denucci bounces off the ropes, but gets caught in the sidewalk slam position, but Rosie flips him over and slams him face first. Rosie tags Jamal back in, and they take Denucci down with two elbows, followed by a double elbow drop. Denucci tries for a Sunset flip, but Jamal just sits on Denucci. Jamal lets up on two again, and hits a scoop slam. Jamal takes to the second rope, and tries for a moonsault, but he MISSES COMPLETELY. Jamal goes for the cover anyway, and Denucci kicks out at 2. I guess Jamal thought the TREMORS from his huge body hitting the ground would be enough to put Denucci away. *rolls eyes* Rosie is tagged in again, and he takes Denucci down with a hard chop and a scoop slam, followed by a spinning leg drop. This is one of the slowest paced squash matches I’ve EVER SEEN. *Yawn* Rosie chops Denucci some more in the corner, and tags in Jamal. Please let this end. Jamal whips Rosie into the corner, splashing Denucci. Rosie throws Denucci to Jamal, who hits his vaulting Samoan drop for 3. 3 Minute Warning clear the ring after the match and pose to the crowd.

DUD, total squash, and a TOTALLY boring one at that.

 

More commercials follow.

 

Lugz Boot of the Week:

This week’s Boot of the Week is neither a boot, nor is it from this week. It’s Richards and Victoria beating up Trish from RAW 2 weeks ago.

 

RAW Recap: Victoria Licks Stacy Keibler/ Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Again, check out RAW from JHawks’ Beak for more on this one.

 

They shill D’Lo vs. Stamboli again as the main, but wait, SEAN O’HAIRE RETURNS, next!

 

Tough Enough III Recap: One of the guys fakes a neck injury

I don’t watch Tough Enough 3, and Patrick Spoon hasn’t dropped in with the recap of it this week, so I guess I don’t have anything to say here.

 

Here comes Sean O'Haire! He gets a pretty good pop from the crowd, and damn, it looks like he’s put on some muscle! His opponent is a jobber named Chuck Coats. Well, it’s pretty obvious that O’Haire is walking out of here looking like a million bucks.

 

Match Three: Sean O’Haire vs. Chuck Coats

Tie-up to start, and O’Haire kicks the SHIT out of Coats. O’Haire rolls up Coats for two, and gets him in a side headlock. O’Haire gets whipped off the ropes, but he knocks Coats down with a shoulderblock, and goes back to the headlock, and takes Coats down with it. Lita mentions that Coats has been wrestling for about 15 years. O’Haire goes back to the headlock again, but gets shoved off and scoop slammed by Coats for two. O’Haire hits Coats with some hard knees, a snapmare and a big elbow to the head, followed by a STIFF kick to the back. Baaaaaaaack body drop by O’Haire, followed by a BUTT bump. Coats is selling really well, he looks to be in excruciating pain. O’Haire wrenches Coats’ head, and hits him with some more STIFF kicks. Coats rolls O’Haire up and gets him a small package for 2 on both pinfalls. O’Haire gets pissed off and takes Coats down with a nice clothesline, followed by another after some brawling. O’Haire gets Coats in the Fallaway position, but tosses him over his head into a Death Valley Driver! NICE! 1...2...3! Coats sold for O’Haire really well, and O’Haire leaves to a good pop. Good job by both men (well, for Coats selling, and for O’Haire beating the shit out of him).

Squash, no rating

 

And now a word from our sponsors...

 

RAW Recap: Dream Match, RVD vs. Shawn Michaels

I’ve gotta say, this was one HELL of a match, until HHH ran in and screwed it up. If the match went longer, it would have grabbed at least a **** rating from me. JHawk has a better look at this match in his RAW Recap from last week.

 

D’Lo vs. Johnny Stamboli is next.

 

RAW Retro

This week’s RAW Retro is DX’s invasion of WCW. Funny stuff.

 

Thank god, it’s time for an actual WRESTLING match, instead of just a squash. Here comes Johnny Stamboli to nearly no reaction. His opponent is D’Lo Brown, who gets a huge pop, as always.

 

Main Event: D’Lo Brown vs. Johnny Stamboli

D’Lo wastes no time and whips Stamboli, and takes him down with some clotheslines and shoulderblocks. Stamboli slides out, D’Lo chases him, but Stamboli beats him back into the ring, and D’Lo gets hit with an elbow to the back of the head. Stamboli whips D’Lo off the ropes, but D’Lo Stamboli telegraphs it and gets kicked in the face. D’Lo charges and Stamboli, but Stamboli takes him down with an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex for two. Stamboli takes D’Lo down with a snapmare, and goes right into a rear chinlock. D’Lo elbows out, but Stamboli shoves D’Lo to the mat by his neck. Stamboli hangs D’Lo upside down from the top rope and stomps away. Stamboli charges at D’Lo, and knocks D’Lo off the top rope. Both guys charge at each other and had the same idea, double clothesline. 10 count by the ref, Stamboli wins the race to their feet. Stamboli whips D’Lo, but D’Lo slides under Stamboli and hits a clothesline, followed up by a forearm and a heel kick. Scoop Slam by D’Lo, followed by the SHAKY SHAKY LEGDROP for two. Stamboli presses D’Lo over his head, but D’Lo slides out. Stamboli tries for a clothesline, but D’Lo ducks. Stamboli turns around and walks right into the Sky High for the win!

*, Again, too short to be anything

 

Bottom Line: A nothing show for the most part. 2 squash matches, a shitload of recaps, and 2 REALLY short matches that had potential, if they had gone longer. If there were less recaps and more time for matches, this could have been a decent show.

 

Peter "FakeRazor" Ramoncolor>

 

As always, you can reach me here.

 

whacked Out wrestling