Rob E Dangerously 0 Report post Posted December 23, 2002 Main event- Vince Russo and Violent J face Shaggy 2 Dope and a partner in a 'Losers have to be Doink next show' Triple H defends the WWW title against Bling Bling Buchanan in a 'Submission match' Kevin Nash and new tag team partner champion Scott Hall defend their belts against Trish Stratus and Victoria in a 'losers perform oral sex on the winners' match for the Tag team titles Elix Hitler and Sexual Harris-ment will face Barry Horowitz, Sex Addict Jerry Lynn and Ahmed Johnson in a 'losers spend 4 minutes in a gas chamber' match Raven faces D'Lo Brown [subject to cancellation] Zenk the Ripper faces The A-Train in a Barb Wire match Maven v. Bradshaw in a Strap match Michael Cole v. David Arquette in an Electric Chair match The Iraq Attaq faces The Patriot and American Dragon in a "Losers burn their flag" match and the Russo punishments for having the best match return.. the best match was IraqAttaq v. Low-Ki/Daniels and since the Iraq Attaq had two other bad matches.. Low-Ki and Daniels must be punished. "The Peace Advocate" Chris Daniels will take on The Yeti in a 'Cage match' Low Ki the Iranian will face The Abortionist in a 'Streetfight' and in a punishment match for no-showing.. X-Pac will face Jake Roberts in a ladder match with a can of pills hanging above the ring ------- Pre-show changes.. A-Train will be in a tag match with The Kiss Demon (Brian Adams) against Gacy Dahmer (Spellbinder) and Sex Addict Jerry Lynn. Goldust will replace Jerry Lynn in the 6 man Gas Chamber match Zenk the Ripper will face another opponent --------- Vince Russo, SEX and Violent J chat. Violent J declares that the ICP is dead and he will now be known as Diamond Donovan Douglas, aka 3D. Vince Russo then talks for 20 minutes about how he's gonna whup Shaggy's fat ass again. Meanwhile, Jerry Lynn is surrounded by 40 unenthusiastic women. Lynn asks them to go away. Vince Russo charges in to yell at Lynn for breaking kayfabe. "If I didn't book you to lose tonight, I'd punish you for breaking kayfabe!" The A-Train and Bradshaw are caught in a tender embrace. Bradshaw says "A-Train, I love your smooth fur, it's just like the days that I'd be with the animals on the farm" Gacy Dahmer complains to Russo about being named after two serial killers. Russo tells him that the gimmick will draw big time. "In 3 monthz, we could see it.. Sting v. Gaycey Dahhmur!" Triple H walks though the back and declares he will beat B2 Brian Adams gets stuck in his coffin during the enterance. But not to worry.. they get him out about 3 minutes into the match. Meanwhile, Jerry Lynn's offense is edited out or ignored. A-Train prevails with the Baldo Bomb. The A-Train and The KISS Demon defeated Gacy Dahmer and Sex Addict Jerry when A-Train pinned Jerry with the Baldo Bomb in 0:04:14. Rating: 1/4* Low Ki looks intense in the back, then Russo walks up with Jerry Lynn's Ho Train and offers the women to Low Ki, who doesn't acknowledge the offer. Russo thinks for a moment and yells "I GOT AN IDEA FOR YA LO-KEY!" The Abortionist walks by the scene and then shakes his head at the women. "None of you are pregnant! Damn Christians are ruining my clinic!" Triple H leaves the building to go get a slurpee at 7-11 No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Falls-Count-Anywhere Match: The Abortionist pinned Low Ki the Iranian after a power bomb in 0:02:33. Rating: * 1/4 Vince Russo yells at Low-Ki in the back, he says that he had planned for Low Ki to be 'Ladies Man Low-Ki' but now Low-Ki would be known as 'The Real Man's Man' Low-Ki. Chris Daniels pickets against war in the back and declares that Iraq is better than the US. Jim Ross tells him to move his ass back to France. Triple H still isn't back from 7/11! Meanwhile.. the Yeti de-thaws. The match was dominated by the Yeti, since Daniels chose passive resistance and Yeti walked out of the door as Daniels laid in the ropes. No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Cage Match: The Yeti defeated Chris Daniels by escaping the cage in 0:01:39. Rating: -1/2* After the match, Kevin Sullivan ran out and declares that the Dungeon of Doom is back. Sullivan then gives birth to Shark (John Tenta) and says Shark will face some shrub.. after thinking about who would job to a new monster back in the old days, he declares Shark will face Zenk the Ripper. Triple H returns with a slurpee and declares that he stopped an armed robbery. The Iraq Attaq stands in the back and refuses to let the referees inspect their pants for weapons of mass destruction. As Justin.. oops.. I mean Hussein Credible said "We don't got no weapons, you American pigs!!" Kurt Angle walks around the back visiting Triple H to talk about a push, and Vince Russo pulls him in to replace the Patriot, who turned out to be Tom Brandi and not Del Wilkes. Russo complains "Brandi? that jobbah! I jobbed him to everybody! I wanted the real Patriot.. not a jobbah! so I could job him in 20 seconds! Kurt, you're gonna lose in 20 seconds, AND DON'T BREAK KAYFABE!" Meanwhile, angry fans tell American Dragon that his outfit sucks and he should look more like an American Dragon, then maybe he wouldn't be wrestling in junior high school gyms for 50 bucks. and Angle loses in 15 seconds to the former Justin Credible. The Iraq Attaq defeated American Dragon and Kurt Angle when Credible pinned K. Angle with the Jumping DDT in 0:00:15. Rating: 1/2* But, when Angle and Dragon have to burn the stars and stripes, TEST runs out to declare "DON'T DO IT! THEY'LL ONLY PUT YOU IN A GIMMICK WHERE THEY MAKE A PUN ABOUT YOUR NUTS!" before he is shot by a tranquilizer and dragged off by Bradshaw. Then.. the lights go out.. and PYRO shoots out, setting the flag on fire.. Kane runs out to apologize for his error. Vince Russo runs out and then salutes Kane on a good job screwing up Kurt Angle's heel turn. Triple H gets brainfreeze from drinking his slurpee too fast David Arquette and Michael Cole argue about who is more pathetic. Cole concedes that he is more pathetic after being reminded that he's married to Mary Jane Rottencrotch, not Courtney Cox. Electric Chair Match: Michael Cole defeated David Arquette in 0:05:12. Rating: -***** As David Arquette lays in a blaze of smoke.. the lights go out and then we see a silhouette of the Undertaker.. "Michael Cole, you might have killed David Arquette, but you can never kill his legacy!" then Tazz ran out and choked out Cole for some reason. Shaggy 2 Dope announces that his partner for the main event is New Jack. Meanwhile.. X-Pac has made it to the arena, and Triple H welcomes him and tells him that his leg is cramping up. and Jake is somewhat sober. Although he does reveal that he put money on the Bengals and the power of his snake caused the Bengals to win. Jake Roberts hits X-Pac with a legsweep. Jake Roberts tries to climb the ladder. Jake Roberts is on his way up. Jake Roberts falls off the ladder. Jake Roberts tries to climb the ladder. Jake Roberts is on his way up. Jake Roberts is half-way up. Jake Roberts is almost on top of the ladder. Jake Roberts is in grabbing distance. Jake Roberts has retrieved the crackpipe. Jake Roberts falls off the ladder The winner is Jake Roberts. Time of match: 0:09:25 Ladder Match: Jake Roberts defeated X-Pac in 0:09:29. Rating: 1/4* As doctors attempt to jumpstart Jake's heart. HHH comes out and tells X-Pac that he put up a good effort. HHH then collapses due to his feet being asleep. Zenk the Ripper declares that his lame gimmick is part of a conspiracy by Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Dusty Rhodes. He pledges he will force Nash onto his knees. Meanwhile, Shark eats some ribs. Zenk the Ripper pinned Shark with the Flying Dropkick in 0:01:59. Rating: 1/4* Maven trains and declares he hopes he can shoot on Bradshaw since he's losing in a minute. Bradshaw lubes up Chris Nowinski and tells him "If Maven is as good as you are, he'll be great." Triple H walks though the back and drinks water to stop his cramps. They lock up. Bradshaw nails Maven with a vertical suplex, but Maven no-sells Bradshaw whips him with the strap, but Maven doesn't feel it. Bradshaw executes a kick to the head on Maven, but Maven smiles. Bradshaw tries to hit turnbuckle number one, but Maven takes him down. Maven nails Bradshaw with a clothesline from Maven. Bradshaw is busted open. Maven hits turnbuckle number one. Maven tries to hit turnbuckle number two, but Bradshaw is there before him. Bradshaw hits turnbuckle number two. Bradshaw hits turnbuckle number three. Bradshaw hits turnbuckle number four. Bradshaw executes the Clothesline from Hell on Maven. Bradshaw drags Maven to the back while carrying the straps. Strap Match: Bradshaw defeated Maven in 0:00:42. Rating: DUD Elix Hitler tells Vince Russo that he could be "Elix Mugabe" but Russo turns it down. ("Muggabe? You wanna be a muggah? who the hell is Mugabe? He can't be as evil as Hitler") and Sexual Harris-ment tells Elix ("You're lucky that we only wear SS biker symbols as part of a misunderstanding or else we'd kick your ass for sullying the name Hitler. SEIG HEIL! Elix, we aren't Nazis or nothing") Goldust does some funny stuff, but it's interrupted for an update on Triple H. Triple H update: Still has a leg cramp. As for the match... it was a long one... Barry Horowitz executes the Horowitz Roll-Up on Don Harris. Tim White counts: One, two, three. Barry Horowitz is met with a mixture of cheers and boos. Goldust, Barry Horowitz and Ahmed Johnson defeated Sexual Harris-ment and Elix Hitler when Horowitz pinned D. Harris with the Horowitz Roll-Up in 0:01:51. Rating: -1/2* As the Harrises and Elix are dragged to a gas chamber, they are stopped by The Revisionist (formerly Alex Wright) who declares that there were no gas chambers. Therefore, if they have to be punished like how the Nazis would do it, the Harris Brothers and Elix must be shot. Surprisingly, this caused a standing ovation. We interrupt this to show you a Triple H update.. Triple H update: right foot still asleep. Now, the Harrises and Elix are lined up in front of a firing squad, then suddenly, THE WALL runs out and attacks the guns men. Then suddenly GOLDBERG runs out, and TURNS HEEL ON JEWISH PEOPLE by saving Sexual Harris-ment. Goldberg then injures Elix again while rescuing him. Victoria listens to her theme as Stevie Richards licks her feet. Trish Stratus listens to her theme as she sucks her own toes. Kevin Nash listens to his theme as Scott Hall asks what they're supposed to do if they lose the match This contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall. It is for the World's Worst Tag Team Titles. The losers must perform Oral Sex on the winners. Introducing first... At a total combined weight of 266 pounds... Trish Stratus and Victoria Their opponents... At a total combined weight of 607 pounds... The World's Worst Tag Team Champions... The Outsiders Zenk the Ripper hits Scott Hall with his laptop. Danny Davis warns Victoria. Victoria executes the Slingshot Legdrop on Scott Hall. Victoria is getting a pissed look amidst all the boos. Victoria goes for the pin. Danny Davis counts: One, two, three. The crowd is wildly cheering Victoria with only a few scattered boos audible The winners are Trish Stratus and Victoria. Time of match: 0:07:51 Trish Stratus and Victoria defeated The Outsiders when Victoria pinned Hall with the Slingshot Legdrop in 0:07:51. Rating: 1/4* (Trish Stratus and Victoria won the World's Worst Tag Team Titles.) Trish and Victoria celebrate and they drag the Outsiders off to the back where the Outsiders will have to munch their rugs. Raven promises pa-- wait, we have a Triple H update. Triple H update: his temperature is 98.7 degrees. meanwhile D'Lo promises to kill whitey. Raven and D'Lo Brown battled to a draw in 0:03:00. Rating: 1/2* Vince Russo unleashes Three Minute Warning on Raven and D-Lo to stop their boring match. Triple H heals his leg cramp. Jamal and Rosey defeated Raven and D'Lo Brown when Jamal pinned Raven with the Splash in 0:01:00. Rating: 3/4* New Jack is arrested by the cops for possession of a deadly guitar. "Natural Born Killaz" plays as New Jack is led to a cop car. Meanwhile, Goldberg turns face and beats up Sexual Harris-ment and Elix Skipper Triple H comes out waddling to the ring and he declares that he won't just face Buchanan, he'll also face John Vanilla Cena! Triple H valiantly fights off two men! Triple H goes for a clothesline, but Vanilla Cena ducks out of the way. Vanilla Cena kicks Triple H. A portion of the crowd is cheering Vanilla Cena. Triple H chops Vanilla Cena. Triple H kicks Vanilla Cena. Triple H puts Vanilla Cena in a sleeperhold. Vanilla Cena is struggling to reach the ropes. Vanilla Cena is inching his way towards the ropes. Vanilla Cena is writhing in pain. Tim White checks Vanilla Cena's arm. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. He lifts it... it falls. Tim White stops the match after 17 seconds. All of a sudden, the boos are turning into almost unanimous cheers. The winner is Triple H. Time of match: 0:09:49 Handicap-Submission Match: Triple H defeated Vanilla Cena and Bling Bling Buchanan when HHH made Cena submit to a sleeperhold in 0:09:49. Rating: -1/2* Shaggy 2 Dope reveals his new partner is... SAVIO VEGA! but due to confusion and expecting New Jack, "Natural Born Killaz" plays during the entire match. Savio Vega goes for a backbreaker, but 3D blocks it. 3D executes a jumping DDT on Savio Vega. 3D is met with a mixture of cheers and boos. 3D nails Savio Vega with a facerake. 3D hits a headbutt on Savio Vega. 3D uses a facerake on Savio Vega. 3D hits a headbutt on Savio Vega. 3D takes Savio Vega down with a short clothesline. 3D executes the Moonsault on Savio Vega. Tim White counts: One, two, three. 3D is starting to get more cheers than boos. The winners are Vince Russo and 3D. Time of match: 0:01:54 Vince Russo and 3D defeated Shaggy 2 Dope and Savio Vega when 3D pinned Vega with the Moonsault in 0:01:54. Rating: -* (New Jack no-showed.) and then as Russo, SEX and 3D celebrate, before Roddy Piper comes out and asks Don Harris if he killed Mick Jagger.. and then.. Triple H is walking though the back and he is confronted by THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR! and the Warrior talks for 40 minutes about how he is the only champion to have never lost to HHH. We cut off in the middle. NEXT SHOW! Christmas Eve 12/24 MAIN EVENT- Vince Russo and Sexual Harris-ment v. Barry Horowitz and Commish Roddy Piper in a 'handicrap match' WWW TITLE- Triple H v. Low Ki in a 'I Quit' match [LOW KI'S PUNISHMENT MATCH] Tag Team titles- Trish Stratus and Victoria v. The Iraq Attaq in a 'Ladder match' Tazz v. Chris Daniels and Michael Cole Elix Hitler v. Goldberg Zenk the Ripper v. X-Pac in a 'street fight' The Abortionist v. Giant Silva in a 'strap match' [ABORTIONIST'S PUNISHMENT MATCH] 3D v. Shaggy 2 Doink in a 'Table match' Three Minute Warning v. The Outsiders v. The Yeti and Shark v. Bling Bling Buchanan and John Cena in a #1 contenders match for the Tag Team titles "El Doinko" (Savio Vega) v. Raven PLUS MORE! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
