SJL Wrath - December 22, 2002!

[Guest realitycheck]

Well, throw yule log on and pour yourslef a glass of eggnog, because it's the Christmas (-2 days) Edition of SJL Wrath!

 

 

SINGLES MATCH

Mike Moran vs. Chris Card

 

Mike Moran picked up a W against James Morin on Metal, giving him his first win as a member of the SJL. Now the big man is set to take on Chris Card, the JL's newest member. Can Card topple the giant and make an impact in his first match in the SJL, or will Moran get his second win in a row, and show that he can hang with the big boys in this league?

Rules: Straight singles match. DQ/countout in effect.

 

#1 CONTENDER TO THE SJL EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH

HELL IN AN IGLOO MATCH

Jack the Ripper vs. Insane Luchadore vs. Arianwyn Rivenstone

 

Jack the Ripper and Insane Luchadore both had hard-fought battles on Metal, where they ended up with the loss. Ripper was downed by Dace Night in a triple threat match, while IL lost a European Title match to Janus. Arian, who had the night off, now comes in with a chance to earn a shot at her first SJL gold. Which of these three will be able to brave the elements, the ice, and the somewhat nauseating smell of fish in this match to pull out the victory?

Rules: The match will take place two miles from the arena, in a specially-marked area. The three contestants will fight in an igloo, which is approximately the size of a ring. In the center of the igloo, the height from floor to ceiling is 12 feet, and it slopes down from there. People may leave the igloo through the one entrance, and the igloo might even fall down. First pin/submission wins. Did I mention that the Iditarod dogsled race is scheduled to pass by at the exact moment that this match is going on? What a coincidence...

 

SANTA'S SLEIGH MATCH

NON-TITLE MATCH

Janus© vs. C4

 

Janus is fresh off a victory over IL, and has been looking unstoppable in the JL. The big man faces a new challenge with the mysterious rookie C4, who narrowly lost to Dace Night in a triple threat match on Metal. Janus must not only go up against a new unknown wrestler, but a new unknown match as well. Does the Euro champ have what it takes to be victorious, or will C4 steal a victory, staking a claim for himself as a bigtime player in the SJL?

Rules: On the top of the stage, there will be a dumpster, 5 feet wide by 10 feet long by 4 feet high, that is decorated to look like a sleigh. The winner must force his opponent into the sleigh and roll the sleigh off the stage. No DQ/countout.

 

WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

SNOW BOWL MATCH

WildChild vs. Johnny Dangerous vs. Dace Night

 

Johnny Dangerous has his eyes cast on Fugue and the Magnificent Seven, with the thought of regaining his title high on the list. However, he needs to earn a shot at the title. Meanwhile, WildChild was obliterated in his last match against Ejiro Fasaki, where he lost his #1 Contendership. Dace Night has come on strong lately, and wants to prove to the world that he has what it takes to become SJL Champion. With these three men in the ring at once, the match is due to be a barnburner. In order to cool them off, the SJL owner has concocted a special surprise for them in this match...

Rules: The match starts as a normal singles match, with DQ/countout in effect. However, after 10 minutes, a bin in the ceiling will open up, dumping snow over the entire ringside area. The match then becomes a hardcore match, with falls/submissions counting all over the building. First pin/submission wins.

 

MAIN EVENT

WORLD TITLE MATCH

CAGE LADDER MATCH

Fugue© vs. Ejiro Fasaki

 

Fugue recently defeated Johnny Dangerous for the SJL World Title, and has been on top of the world ever since. However, the spy is still out to get Fugue, and has made it known that he won't rest until he gets his revenge. However, before he has a chance to beat Fugue and regain his title, Ejiro Fasaki, his stablemate, beat Wild and Dangerous Nights member WildChild in a brutal First Blood match on Metal to gain the #1 Contendership to the SJL World Title. What will go down here? Will Dangerous and his compatriots make their presence felt? Will the Magnificent Seven be able to withstand a match such as this? And in a match like this, absolutely nothing can be predicted. It's a damn good thing these guys are gonna have some time off to rest, because after this one, they're gonna need it.

Rules: The two men are inside a cage that is 15 feet high. The belt hangs 18 feet above the center of the ring. There are two ladders that are 15 feet high in the ring at the beginning of the match. There is NO DOOR on the cage. DQ/countout are obviously not in effect, and interference is allowed. People may exit the cage at any point if they wish, but the only way to get the win is to climb the ladder and grab the title belt at the top. Good luck.

[Guest realitycheck]

Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, weighing in tonight at 264lbs, he is accompanied by Natasha. He is “Technical Perfection” Chris Card!

 

"Grind" by Alice In Chains fires up and Chris Card walks into the entranceway, followed by Natasha. With a slight sneer towards the crowd, Chris and Natasha walk slowly and deliberately down towards the ring, with Chris stopping to part the ropes for Natasha. Inside the ring Natasha raises her arms above her head showing off her figure, and then points them towards Chris and he drops into his Heartbreaker pose, crouched in a fighting stance, arms crossed across his chest, thumbs pointing towards his heart.

 

Funyon: And his opponent, he weighs in at 318lbs and hails from Battle Creek, Michigan. “Mountain” Matt Moran

 

"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath rocks the house and "Mountain" Mike Moran walks slowly to the ring, turning to shout down a fan who accuses him of sucking.

 

Axis: This should be interesting folks. A clash of styles for our first match here tonight.

 

MacPhisto: These guys are basically the same height but Moran is a lot bigger. It’s the difference between ripped and cut. Card is cut, Moran is ripped to high heaven.

 

Suicide King: He’s got muscles where you can see and muscles where you can’t!

 

Natasha leaves the ring, and stopping briefly to overdramatically avoid a fan’s offering of a high five, slides majestically into the spare seat at the commentary table.

 

Axis: It appears that Natasha will be joining us on commentary for this match up.

 

Suicide King: Whoo hoo!

 

Natasha: It’s a pleasure to be here Axis

 

Suicide King: It’s more of a pleasure for us.

 

In the ring Moran and Card lock up to start. Moran overpowers Card in the lock up and whips him to the ropes. Moran sets himself for a shoulder block and Card grabs hold of the ropes to steady himself. Moran calls Card over mockingly and Card responds by tapping the side of his head showing he’s thinking about his tactics here.

 

MacPhisto: I don’t think Chris Card wants to match power with the Mountain here

 

Natasha: Chris is Technical Perfection. That’s about more than just raw power.

 

The pair lock up again, and Card transitions quickly into an arm wringer, which he follows with a stiff knee to Moran’s back. Moran reverses the wringer and catapults Card into the ropes again, and again Card holds on. Moran this time follows in quickly, and throws a clothesline, which Card ducks, and responds with a lightning schoolboy cradle. 1… and Moran powers out with authority.

 

Axis: Moran obviously too strong to be caught with a flash pin. Card looking to end it early.

 

MacPhisto: It’s always worth going for pins. It takes less energy to attempt a pin than to kick out of one.

 

Suicide King: Wow you’re a mind of useless information tonight.

 

Card lashes into Moran with a pair of swift rib kicks, and Moran responds by shaking them off and firing a couple of stiff right hands back into Card. Card goes for a higher kick, and Moran grabs underneath the kick and hits a high angle body slam.

 

Moran: You suck!

 

Suicide King: Does Chris Card Suck, and if so, where?

 

Natasha: Chris does not suck.

 

Suicide King: You must be very disappointed.

 

Axis: Can you two concentrate on the match?

 

Moran drops a big elbow towards Card, but he rolls away and Moran hits nothing but canvas. Card kips up and kicks Moran’s back with some short kicks. Card drops and goes for an Oklahoma Roll, but Moran levers his way through and on top. 1… Moran breaks voluntarily and drops a quick splash onto the prone Card.

 

Axis: Moran using his weight to its full advantage there.

 

Suicide King: And he’s got a lot of it to throw around.

 

Natasha: Chris has so much technical advantage over him. It will show later.

 

MacPhisto: Well that’s a matter of opinion.

 

Moran picks up Card and whips him again. Card ducks under a poorly thrown clothesline, Card rebounds off the far ropes, straight into a powerslam from Moran. 1…2… and Card lifts a shoulder up to break the pin. Moran showboats, riling up the crowd a little and Card rolls out of the ring to take a breather. Moran follows him out and catches Card, ramming his head into the apron.

 

Axis: Moran using some roughhouse tactics here.

 

MacPhisto: Moran aiming to neutralize the technical game of Card’s with this offensive strategy

 

Suicide King: You mean like Canasta?

 

MacPhisto: What?

 

Suicide King: A Technical game of Cards!

 

Natasha: Do you actually have a purpose here?

 

While the Suicide King mulls over this thought the pair reenter the ring and face off. Moran lunges at Card with a few loose strikes, and Card clinches him and fires off a few knees into his ribcage. Card hits an UGLY back suplex, the Massive form of Moran doing more damage to his own back than Card’s lift. Card locks an arm on the grounded Moran and rolls him onto his back Magistral Style, but instead of completing the cradle Card just drops his knees into the small of Moran’s back.

 

Axis: Card did not look comfortable hitting that suplex.

 

MacPhisto: Card will have to rely more ion strikes and moves that use the opponent’s weight against them in this match

 

Natasha: A black belt in Jiu Jitsu and experienced veteran of Judo shouldn’t have any problem with that.

 

Suicide King: Beauty AND brains!

 

Natasha: And a black belt of my own.

 

Suicide King: Does it keep your dress tight?

 

Natasha: Don’t push it.

 

Card lifts Moran into a bow and arrow, choosing wisely not to even attempt to invert this. His transitions this into a grounded abdominal stretch, for that into a Stretch Plum, and then from that into a Dragon Clutch, each hold being held for a good 15 seconds, each doing damage to the grounded Moran. Card asks the ref to ask Moran if he’ll give up while stretching him in the clutch, and Moran gives an emphatic no.

 

Axis: Card slowing the pace down here a notch. He’s keeping Moran grounded and finding new ways of stretching him.

 

MacPhisto: Keeping Moran off his feet keeps him away from his power moves. It’s often the best tactic against bigger men.

 

Natasha: That’s Technical Perfection.

 

Card breaks the hold and fires a few grounded knees into the spinal column of Moran. Card then moves round into a rear mount, and lands a few elbows into Moran’s back. He then completes the set by holding his knees in Moran’s back and pulling back on the back of his t-shirt, twisting the spine in directions it’s not really meant to go in. The ref puts on a five count and Card breaks at 4, then grabs the shirt again.

 

MacPhisto: Sound tactics here, working over the back of Moran thoroughly.

 

Natasha: More technical perfection.

 

Axis: This Chris Card is a dangerous man, make no mistake.

 

Card stands over the downed Moran and spinning boot scrapes across the base of his spine. He lashes in a couple of stiff kicks to the spine of Moran, and Moran rolls out the ring, gathering his breath and clutching his back, wincing slightly in pain. Card follows him out and goes for another kick, but Moran grabs the leg and spins Card away, hitting a quick back suplex. Both men hit the ringside mats hard and both look hurt. The referee begins a 10 count.

 

Axis: That move hurt both men there. Dropping your back onto the outside after the working over it got from Card has to be painful.

 

The referee counts as far as 8 before Card rolls back into the ring, Moran quickly following him. Moran takes a deep breath in and charges at Card, Card grabbing the clotheslining arm and turning it into a whip, but Moran do-see-do counters and whips Card, shoulder blocking him on the return. Moran drags Card to his feet and whips him again, then draws Card up over his mountainous shoulders, pausing for a second before Samoan Dropping him. Moran covers 1… 2… and Card kicks out.

 

Axis: Moran is on a charge again here. The Man Mountain is really getting up a head of steam.

 

Moran picks up card and suplexes him over quickly, wincing in a little pain as his back takes the strain of the move. Moran floats over to cover 1..2.. and Card kicks out. Moran picks up Card and whips him again, taking him down with a HUGE clothesline, and covers again 1… 2… and Card kicks out again. Moran floats round and locks in a sleeper hold onto Card on the ground.

 

Natasha: C’mon Chris!

 

Axis: Chris Card may be in a little trouble here.

 

Natasha: It’s a choke!

 

Axis: It doesn’t look like a choke to me.

 

MacPhisto: Not that Moran would be above using a choke on his opponents.

 

Suicide King: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

 

Moran takes Card right down to the mat and applies a body scissors, squeezing the air out of Card’s body, and Card uses his leg strength to bridge out into a cover, forcing Moran to break the hold. Card lies on the mat winded, and Moran drops a big muscular leg across Card’s throat. Moran drops back into the sleeper, then drops that down to a side headlock on the mat, wrapping the body scissors in again. Card gasps for air and Moran shouts at the ref asking for a submission, but Card shakes his head and picks a leg with his free arms, twisting in a heel hold to make Moran break.

 

Axis: A sound counter there from Chris Card, but Moran’s punishment seems to be having an affect on the technically sound Card.

 

Natasha: Not just technically sound, Technical Perfection.

 

Suicide King: Hammering that home for the benefit of our less intelligent viewers there.

 

Natasha: And our less intelligent commentators.

 

Suicide King: She’s talking about you Axis.

 

Moran stands and mouths off at the fans, then draws back and waits for Card to stand, beckoning him up. He reels off a Moon Kick sending Card crashing back down to the mat. Moran poses as the crowd launches off a huge Moran Sucks chant. Moran covers with a malicious grin 1…2… and Card kicks out. Moran drags Card to his feet, and Moran hits a standing switch, nailing Card with a huge German Suplex, bridging into a pin combination 1…2… and Card kicks out again.

 

Axis: It’s all punishment from the big man here.

 

MacPhisto: Moran isn’t tactical, he isn’t subtle, he’s just punishing. It’s the big man strategy.

 

The two men stand again and Moran whips Card into the corner, following in quickly with a huge big boot. Moran lifts the boot again, pressing it hard into the throat of Card, choking him against the turnbuckle. The ref puts on a count and Moran breaks at four, then moves back to the boot choke. He breaks at four again, and turns to jaw with the referee. Card capitalizes on this little lack of attention by hitting an inside cradle on Moran, 1… 2… and Moran kicks out emphatically. Moran leaps straight into another cover of his own 1… 2… and Card lifts a shoulder, which Moran presses straight back down 1… 2… Card rolls his shoulder to a side and Moran presses it back into position again 1…2… and Card breaks again. Moran stands and stares into the booing crowd.

 

Axis: A bunch of covers there, but still no decisive result. It’s looking increasingly like a Moran victory though.

 

MacPhisto: Each of these breaks costs a little more stamina from the winded Card. It’s a game of attrition as well as a game of power.

 

Suicide King: Who do you think is gonna win Tash? I can call you Tash can’t I?

 

Natasha: I have full faith in Chris. And if you call me Tash again I’m gonna rip your ballsack off and feed it to you for lunch.

 

Suicide King: Feisty.

 

Moran picks Card up by the hair, and forces Card into a standing head scissors, Moran calls out for the Hellevator, and lifts Card into position, but Card rolls through towards a crucifix. Moran, however, readjusts his footing and crushes Card with another huge Samoan Drop! 1… 2… and Card kicks out again. Moran stands over the fallen Card and points out into the crowd.

 

Axis: Moran wants to wrap this one up. You can feel the aggression building from here. The Mountain is a whole mess of intensity and then some.

 

Natasha: Chris can still carry this one off. Moran is losing his focus.

 

MacPhisto: Card appears winded though.

 

Natasha: He’s still the ultimate professional, even after taking some punishment.

 

Moran picks Card up again and glares deep into his eyes, before hitting a not even poorly disguised low blow. The ref remonstrates with him, as he signals again for the Hellevator.

 

Axis: Low blow! Moran dropping the level of this match down.

 

Suicide King: LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW!

 

Natasha: You know I think the referee needs reminding a little of the rules of professional wrestling again. Excuse me gentlemen.

 

Moran grabs Card firmly by the waist and forces him back into the standing head scissors. He looks out into the crowd as he snaps Card up and down with the HELLEVATOR! Quick cover, but the ref is busy jawing with Natasha who’s standing on the ring apron. Card is doing his best impersonation of a starfish on the canvas, while Moran goes to jaw with the ref. Natasha blows Moran a sarcastic kiss and he gives her a deep, intense glare.

 

Axis: The match was over. No one in the federation has anything like the strength to kick out of the Hellevator.

 

MacPhisto: Natasha appears to know the game of professional wrestling inside out. She doesn’t look afraid to use her feminine wiles to the advantage of her wrestler either.

 

Suicide King: Did you see the way that kiss was aimed in my direction?

 

Moran stomps away at Card, then picks him up unceremoniously by the hair. Moran screams out into the crowd for another Hellevator. Card summons up the strength to land up a low blow of his own!

 

Suicide King: LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW!

 

Axis: A second Hellevator would surely have finished Chris Card off.

 

MacPhisto: I think Card’s down to desperation tactics.

 

As Moran reels back from the ball shot, Card slowly draws himself into a crouched position. He slowly crosses his heart and fires off a HEARTBREAKER! Card shakes off his head and bails for the outside to confer with Natasha while Moran staggers a little and rests against a corner post in the ring.

 

Axis: A whole load of fatigue being shown in this match now. Both men look extremely physically tired.

 

MacPhisto: This match is probably one big move away from a victory. I’d have to favour Moran; he’s just got a far superior array of big moves.

 

Moran follows Card outside and rushes him, but Card dodges and Moran stops just short of hitting the ring post. Card, however, follows with a low dropkick, right into the spinal column of Moran and Moran hits steel face first. Both men stay down as the referee begins a ten count. It takes both men till 8 to rise, and Card rolls in and out of the ring to reset the count. Moran moves in towards Card, and Card fires off a couple of knife edge chops, but Moran doesn’t even budge.

 

Axis: Moran getting his second wind. This could be bad for Card.

 

MacPhisto: Moran is a tough, tough human being. There’s no doubting that.

 

Moran charges at Card and Card slides out of the way, nearly sending Moran carerring into Natasha.

 

Moran: I’ll f***ing take you out too!

 

Natasha: Just try it!

 

Suicide King: Real feisty!

 

Axis: Is this wise? Natasha is facing up to Moran!

 

Moran grins at Natasha and stares right into the Gothic Goddesses’ face. Natasha smiles back and then fires off a bitch slap at Moran! Moran doesn’t budge, and raises a fist to hit Natasha, who responds by drawing and spraying Moran with a can of mace! Moran reels back in pain and Card responds by firing off a succession of quick kicks into Moran’s back and sliding him back into the ring! Moran clutches his face in pain, and Card covers 1... 2… and Moran KICKS OUT!

 

Axis: Moran got sprayed with the Mace and still kicked out back in the ring. The resilience of Moran is incredible!

 

Suicide King: I’ve never seen such technical excellence. I hope we see the ether soaked rag next!

 

MacPhisto: What ARE you talking about?

 

Card drops down onto the prone form of Moran, and Moran’s eyes have all come out red and puffy. Card locks in a grounded abdominal stretch, and he wrenches it in hard. Moran’s face contracts into an expression of sheer pain, as Card segues into a grounded Stretch Plum, Card’s stance causing him to expend as little energy as possible, for the maximum amount of pain.

 

MacPhisto: It looks like Card needs a breather, and he’s slowing the pace of the match down again.

 

Card releases the hold and fires a few knees into the back of Moran. Card stands and lashes some stiff kicks, sending the sound of boot on flesh ringing through the arena. Moran lets out a muffled scream of pain. Card drops down again and tries to roll through into a pinning combination, but Moran’s strength stops him short, into a pin for Moran himself! 1…2… and Card breaks free! The pair stand and Moran charges and goes for a go behind, looking for another German suplex. Card switches and goes for a back suplex, but the weight of Moran just causes the pair to collapse on the mat. Neither man has strength to cover and the ref starts up a ten count. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… Moran gets to his feet 8… 9… Card stumbles to his feet, feeling the effects of Moran landing on him.

 

Axis: This match has taken it out of both competitors. It’s been a hard debut for Card, and a had match for Moran.

 

Suicide King: And for the viewers at home, just looking at Natasha…

 

MacPhisto: Don’t even go there, King.

 

Suicide King: Well…

 

Axis: Don’t.

 

Moran fires a few punches off at Card, and then rears back for a bigger blow, which Card back off and avoids. Moran suplexes Card over and picks him up for a whip. Moran uses the momentum of the whip to powerslam Card over, and then picks him up again for a massive clothesline. Moran frustrated stamps away at Card, and grabs him up roughly by the hair, sliding him down for the Hellevator again. Moran tries to lift him but Natasha reaches into the ring and wraps her arm round Card’s leg to hold him down. Moran shouts at Natasha who responds with a sly “Who? Me?” expression.

 

Suicide King: Natasha cheating again. I love it!

 

Axis: It’s an illegal tactic, but an effective one.

 

Moran tries to lift Card again but a twinge of pain across his back from all the punishment Card’s been giving him makes him think twice about it. Moran shrugs off the pain, but while Natasha has the referee distracted again Card strikes a MASSIVE low kick into Moran’s crotch.

 

Suicide King: LOW BLOW!

 

Axis: We get it.

 

As Moran staggers around, Card positions himself behind the Mountainous superstar. Card grabs one of Moran’s arm and bars it out, then wrings it around, then finally turns it behind Moran’s own back with a hammerlock. Card wraps his free arm around Moran’s neck looking for the Cardiac Arrest, but Moran frees his arm off and snapmares Card onto the ropes, then catches Card as he rebounds off and hits a one armed side slam, taking both men down again.

 

Axis: Both men look exhausted out there. This match has been a war!

 

Both men stagger slowly to their feet and face off. Moran goes for an arm but Card do-see-dos him and whips him to a corner. Card moves into the corner, and fires off the first two kicks of a corner combination, but Moran grabs for Card’s leg of the third and pushes him out of the corner. Moran covers 1… 2… Card kicks out. Moran lifts Card up looking again for the Hellevator, but Card counters by grabbing hold of an arm and twisting Moran down. From the mat Card applies a hammerlock, but Moran stands up and rams Card against the turnbuckle with his back! Moran goes to toss Card over him, but Card holds the arm tight and the combination of the hold and the back pain prevents this. Card wraps his free arm round Moran’s neck and draws him down into a modified Dragon Sleeper!

 

Axis: That’s it, Moran’s going to have to tap!

 

MacPhisto: That move causes so much pressure both to the back and neck, as well as cutting off the blood flow through the carotid artery!

 

Moran grits his teeth and refuses to tap! Card asks the ref if Moran wants to tap. Moran screams a muffled no from within the hold. Card asks again, and Moran says no again.

 

Axis: The fight of Moran! He has so much inner strength, as well as so much outward strength.

 

Card finally gives up on trying to make Moran tap, and drops him with the CARDIAC ARREST II! Card covers 1… 2… AND MORAN KICKS OUT!

 

MacPhisto: Oh My God! What a move! What a kickout!

 

Moran struggles to his feet, but Card is ready and hammerlocks the arm up again, locks an arm round the neck again and hits the CARDIAC ARREST! For extra effect Card pins with both feet on the second rope, and Natasha holding onto THEM for leverage 1… 2… 3!

 

Axis: And Chris Card wins! And Chris Card wins!

 

Suicide King: And off such a good pinning technique too!

 

Axis: It was a hard fought contest, but Chris Card is the winner!

[Guest realitycheck]

Depression- The condition of feeling sad or despondent… Depression leads to anguish, which leads to anger, followed by hatred, and then you’re faced by insanity (or Nathaniel vs. Orochi for that matter). After insanity self-destruction is ensured to follow.

 

--

Andrew Rickmen lies on his unmade bed. His current state of mind didn’t help for sleep but neither did the two cups of coffee. His hair spiked, attire on, ready to leave for his match. The low hum of the television, flipped on the Weather Channel, doesn’t even penetrate IL’s deep thoughts.

 

Nevermore.

 

Is it my fault he died?

 

Plagued down to the core.

 

Have I lost what my ‘touch?’ Did I ever have a touch?

 

[b ]Nevermore [/b]

 

Why the hell did I come back? I was fine hiding from the world!

 

Damned to Hell… scarred with visions of gore.

 

Or was I?

 

Insane Luchador rolls off the bed looking out the window with depression.

 

Nevermore

 

I have potential… I know I do.

 

Tired of the entire bore.

 

Time to show the world what insanity does to a man.

 

Nevermore

 

Make an example and vent my feelings…

 

My very soul sore!

 

I just want to get the belts that rightfully belong to me.

Andrew Rickmen then turns around taking a wild swing at the wall nearly creating a hole. The pain shooting through his body he slowly walks over grabbing his bag. IL gives one last lengthy gaze at the room before slamming it shut- ready to leave.

 

It always changes again.

[Guest realitycheck]

Here is supposed to be the IL/JtR/Arianwyn HIAI match, but I haven't gotten anything from Tod yet.

 

So, when I do... IF I do... I'll edit the match in.

[Guest realitycheck]

HO HO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

A gigantic blow-up Santa looms outside in the sub-zero weather, oversized candy-glass candy canes line the stage, tacky Christmas lights are hastily stapled to the commentary booth, and the esteemed Axis and Suicide King are both robed in holiday-spirited, bright, red tuxedos, as SJL WRATH returns in seasonal style, LIVE from Anchorage, Alaska!!

 

“Welcome all, to a very Christmas-y edition of SJL Wrath!” Axis spews before taking a swig of his eggnog.

 

“We’re already two matches into the show tonight, but the fun has just begun, as up next we have a ‘Santa’s Sleigh’ match between C4 and Janus, and Annie Eclectic and Sydney Sky are still yet to make me some of their World-famous alcohol-filled cookies. Mmmmm…” King drools, eager to get right to this next match, or to some cookies… but we’ll assume the first one, as the opening guitar chords of “Bad Habit” by Offspring flow from the speakers, foreshadowing the arrival of the first competitor in this bout.

 

“And it looks like we’re skipping the usual commentary banter, and getting right to the action,” Axis gurgles, his mouth still halfway filled with eggnog. C4 saunters out onto the entrance ramp just as Dexter Holland’s vocals come in. C4 paces down the ramp rather quickly, and the music begins to pick up, as simultaneously, a thick wall of red and green pyrotechnics flare up from the stage!

 

“Oh wouldn’t you look at that? C4, in an attempt to bring the Christmas spirit here to the SJL, actually insisted that our tech-guy Ted Pollack add some red and green pyro to his entrance! What a caring, heartfelt decision that was.”

 

“Oh please… as you can see, C4 isn’t exactly the favorite in this match,” Axis observes the booing fans, just as C4 reaches the ring and slides under the bottom rope. C4 raises his arms into the air, but instead of support, receives enough heel heat to melt THREE snowmen! At once!

 

“Introducing… Hailing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 252 pounds… CEEEEE-FOOOOOOURRRRR!!!!” Funyon bellows.

 

“Look at this Axis! C4 has only participated in all of two matches here in the SJL, and already the fans are judging him,” King sighs in disgust.

 

C4 begins to run the ropes a few times as his music dies down, unable to decide whether to keep his eyes set on the entrance ramp, or on the bright-red sleigh parked just next to it, on the stage.

 

“Perhaps we should explain the RULES of a ‘Santa’s Sleigh’ match to prevent any confusion…” Axis suggests, before continuing. “Both men will start out in the ring. Anything goes, and ANYTHING can be used as a weapon: chairs, trashcans, Christopher Walken, anything. The competitors are supposed to work their way up the entrance ramp and onto the stage, where a bright red sleigh has been placed. Put your opponent into the sleigh and shove it off of the stage, and we have a winner.”

 

“Woohoo!” King sadistically grins. “This is MY type of match; the kind where the loser is pushed off of a 10-foot-stage onto solid concrete!”

 

“Well, I thought that your type of match involved a whole lotta men and some Vaseline, but either way,” Axis actually succeeds in BURNING someone, just as Funyon’s voice rings out again.

 

“And his opponent, wrestling out of Sydney, Australia, weighing in at 350 pounds… JAAAAANUUUUUSSSSS!!!!!”

 

The crowd marks out like a collective bitch as “As Darkness Falls” by Dreamsfear emits hauntingly from the PA-System, and utter darkness invades the arena. The quiet hustle of audience members whispering nervously to eachother can be heard, as a figure lights up the Smarktron. The figure morosely gazes out a window, and the camera angle changes suddenly, revealing the figure as Janus!

 

“ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHT!” Janus screams in time with the song, and his figure is quickly replaced by the word “JANUS” which slowly slinks across the screen in large green letters, accompanied by some stunning career highlights. Then, just as the lights come back on and the audience’s eyes adjust, Janus himself steps onto the stage, and without hesitation, begins the long stroll down the entrance ramp. Janus climbs up onto the ring apron, and then into the ring. He removes his European Title from his previously injured shoulder, and hands it to Funyon, who gets out of dodge before the two large men have a chance to discombobulate eachother.

 

“Good thing that Janus’ European Title isn’t up for grabs tonight, as the odds are stacked against him due to his still rather pained shoulder,” Axis speculates.

 

“Yeah, that little Aussie snake somehow got out of defending the Ejiropean belt tonight, but he can’t hold it forever!!”

 

“One, it’s not Ejiropean anymore, it’s European. Two, he COULD hold it forever…”

 

“…but won’t because that’d make for some boring television,” King chimes in.

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, the referee has finished explaining the rules to the towering grapplers, and signals for the bell, before getting the fuck out of the way.

 

***DINGDINGDING***

 

The metaphorical gladiators are let out of the stables to do battle, and their eyes immediately meet. C4’s piercing green eyes stare a whole into Janus, who gazes back impassively, and as if on cue, the two start circling eachother.

 

“And they’re circling eachother like two experimental albino mice, as neither man has made a move yet,” King watches on.

 

“C4 has the more sound style of these two, always trying to concentrate on a set task, whereas Janus follows the simple ‘I’m gonna kick your ass’ route, which could actually give him the advantage in this type of match,” Axis points out.

 

After a full minute of circling, the crowd grows impatient, several fans initiating a “BOOOORING!” chant. Janus loses his cool first, turning his head to the side at one particularly unappreciative fan, and within a mere second, C4 is behind him, cinching his arm into a tightly latched hammerlock, and wrenching away at his bad shoulder. Janus audibly shouts out in anguish, and quickly spins around to hook on a hammerlock of his own! C4 squints his eyes in minor frustration, but doesn’t let out even the smallest of yelps. He keeps his cool, and before Ahmed Johnson can say ‘the duck is pretty,’ darts around in a circle, trying to force Janus into releasing his arm. No go however, and Janus just pries at C4’s arm even more, even smashing a forearm into the back of his head to tame him. C4’s eyes dart around the ring, trying to conspire a way of escape, and his decision is made, as he sprints towards the corner of the ring, Janus trailing just behind, and ducks down just as he reaches the turnbuckle, sliding under the bottom rope! Janus however, continues to hurtle forward, crashing shoulder-first into the cold steel of the ring post!

 

“GAH!” Janus grunts as he falls back from the turnbuckle, favoring his raw shoulder-blade. He stumbles backwards in pain, only to topple over and land right on his behind, allowing C4 to swiftly glide back into the ring, and securely fasten Janus’ arms behind his back with a double-chickenwing! C4 yanks upwards, trying to get Janus to his feet while still applying the hold, and the Anti-Heel Machine soon finds himself in a fully erect position.

 

“C4 looking to hit a tiger suplex here, or maybe just lock on a double-chickenwing hold…” Axis watches on with interest.

 

“Dammit C4, don’t waste your time with this submission shit, just kick his teeth out already!” King shouts words of encouragement.

 

The fans stomp their feet on the ground, giving Janus their full support, and not knowing what else to do, Janus simply lurches forward as forcefully as he can, sending C4 sliding over his back, and onto the ground in front of him, where he lands on his face with a “kerplop”. C4, a bit flustered, scuttles to his feet, but Janus revs out of the defensive position, nailing one, two, no… THREE stiff right hooks on his antagonist, before clotheslining him all the way over the top rope and down to the floor! Janus raises an arm of satisfaction into the air and the crowd screams with approval.

 

“And now Janus has gained the advantage, as he uses his pure strength to force C4 all the way over him, and then completely EL KABONG~! him out of the ring! Now THIS is the mindless brawling style that I was referring to earlier. C4 can lock on as many submissions as he wants, but they won’t do jack-diddly-squat, and in the end he’ll just get himself a flogging,” Axis calls out, as King stubbornly sits with his arms crossed.

 

“Shaddap! C4 knows what he’s doing!” King whines.

 

C4 lies on his belly for a tick, regaining his bearings, and then scrambles up to his feet, only to be met with a size 20 black leather boot to the face!

 

“Ouch! Brutal baseball slide there from Janus, keeping C4 from doing much more than seeing stars!”

 

Janus grabs onto C4’s black mask, and tows him up to his feet, bashing his head onto the ring apron a few times for good measure. A small creek of blood flows from C4’s mouth, but he doesn’t pay much attention to it, instead trying to work out a sensible plan of some sort, and obviously failing. Janus, just seeming to improvise now, jabs a few left and right hands into C4’s temples, and then finally decides on an actual MOVE. He grabs C4 by the hips, lifts him up into the air as high as humanly possible, and then CRATERS him onto the cement with a high-angled spinebuster! C4’s shoulders take much of the blow, and he immediately reacts to the move as if he had a concussion, rolling from side to side with his hands clasped tightly around his nearly cracked skull.

 

“How the hell is C4 supposed to be a genius if his brain has been smashed to mush!?” King wonders aloud. “C’mon C4! Kill him with Tai Chi or something!”

 

“C4 started out this match with some technical wrestling, but all of his efforts have been bamboozled now, as Janus is absolutely tearing into him with his power moveset, and top-notch brawling! C4 will only have consciousness for a few minutes longer, at this rate!”

 

Janus doesn’t hesitate or wait around, but instead hastily saddles up on C4, and begins pounding closed fist after closed fist into his forehead! The explosive grappler just lies there and takes it, not having much sense in him at the moment. Janus unmounts, and begins searching for a chair, immediately stalking over to the announcer’s table and demanding a steal seat.

 

“Shoo! Shoo! Get away from our table you rabid gorilla!”

 

King defiantly refuses to help out Janus, and just as the behemoth is about to go into a rage of obscenities, he glances down at the Christmas light-lined table, and…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…Christmas lights!

 

Without thinking twice, Janus immediately yanks the tacky strand of lights from the table, and [due to the wonders of extension cords, the lights stay plugged in, and Janus has miles and miles of roaming space,] once he’s unattached a good 10-foot length of the wire, he marches up behind the recovering C4, and cinches the cord around his neck. He then tugs backward, choking the mysterious man out!

 

“OH MY GOD! What can be seen of C4’s face is turning blue, as he’s choked out by that multicolored piano-wire!” Axis gapes at the slowly fading C4 in total shock. “Our Christmas lights are being used as a noose almost! My wife bought those dammit!”

 

“You have a WIFE!?” King questions his Aussie friend, his shock at such a possibility only matched by Axis’ shock at the brutality ensuing.

 

Janus continues to pull back as hard as his bulging arms can strain, and though his tactics may be a bit on the underhanded side, the crowd cheers him on anyway! C4, gagging all throughout his torture treatment, eventually writhes one last time, before going completely, and utterly, limp. Janus wrenches back once more for good luck, and then releases the wire, pulling C4 up by his black shirt, and then hoisting him up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry!

 

Each and every member of the audience stares perplexed, wondering what will happen next. A Death Valley Driver? An F5? A Fireman’s Carry Into a Diamond Cutter? If one of these were to be on your Christmas list, you’d be sorely disappointed, as Janus settles on his next move, which isn’t a move at all, as he begins lumbering towards the entrance ramp, headed for the sleigh! Janus winces every step or so, 252 pounds of dynamite being held on his bad shoulder, but he thicks through it, making it to the nadir of the ramp, and even about five steps up it when suddenly…

 

“C4 drops down the back of Janus, and leaps forward with a takedown, looking for the Fujiwara armbar!” Axis squeals with excitement.

 

Janus struggles, but he’s too surprised to do much about the situation, and after a few forearms to the back, he’s tame enough to be firmly locked into the perilous submission! Janus’ shoulder is already banged up to the max from two previous matches, and before the hold can even be applied to have maximum effect, the big man begins to desperately tap out!

 

“MATCH IS OVER! EVERYBODY GO HOME!!” King wails at the top of his lungs, sure to have a raspy voice tomorrow morning.

 

“Nonsense dumbo,” Axis corrects the ML Dance-Off participant. “Remember, no submissions, no pinfalls, no NOTHING until one of those men becomes a test-dummy for Santa Claus!”

 

“Blarg.”

 

Janus taps his heart out, but within a moment he realizes that it’s doing him no good, and instead begins formulating a plan of escape! Janus leans into C4 in hopes of forcing a release, but accomplishes nothing, and he then opts to roll AWAY from his opponent, shifting all 350-pounds of himself to his left! C4 realizes that his advantage is slipping away before his very eyes, and that a submission wouldn’t do much anyway, so he releases his larger foe, hopping up to his feet and contemplating his next maneuver! Janus reaches his knees, and then his feet… but as he does, C4 lashes out with his entire body and grabs a hold of Janus’ arm, looking for… Well, it doesn’t quite matter what he was looking for, because before he can do much of anything, Janus lunges at him with his good arm, and hits an absolutely vicious clothesline! C4 staggers up the ramp a few feet before toppling over onto his back, and Janus follows, an expression of hostility painted across his face.

 

“And yet again, C4’s plans of wrestling a tactical match have been foiled by Janus and his brute strength!”

 

“C4 will pull through dammit!” King argues. “He knows how to adapt to an opponent’s style… and I can sense an idea brewing in that little battered head of his as we speak!”

 

“Well, you don’t sound too sure, Kingy,” Axis states, before spotting a glass of eggnog on his co-host’s side of the table, filled to the brim with the beckoning beverage. “Are you gonna drink that mate?”

 

“Um… no.”

 

“Well then… if you don’t mind…” Axis trails off before grabbing the cup with both hands and guzzling a good portion of its contents down.

 

C4 doesn’t stay down, struggling up to his feet, but Janus is persistent. He charges at his gradually recuperating opponent, and just as C4 has reached a vertical base, he’s sent back down to horizontal hell as Janus CLEANS him with a massive GORE!!

 

“GORE!! GORE!! GOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRE!!!!!” Axis manages his best Paul Heyman impression. “Janus hit him head-on, taking most of the impact on his good shoulder as to not injure himself further.”

 

“That weasel!” King guffaws. “Hitting a man while he’s down, that sounds like…”

 

”…Something you’d do?”

 

“Gah! Bite me!”

 

As Axis considers taking that seriously, Janus has just started back up at the midpoint of the ramp. He smirks at his heel-ish foe, and approaches his upper-body. C4 just lies there, vulnerable to any attack…

 

***THUMP***

 

…such as a horribly stiff knee drop to the bridge of his nose! And another!

 

***THUMP***

 

And another!

 

***THUMP***

 

Blood gushes from the masked one’s nose and mouth, and the crowd just cheers Janus on as he goes for yet another knee drop!!

 

***CRACK***

 

C4 rolls out of the way, avoiding the need for facial reconstructive surgery, and Janus’ knee shatters against the solid steel of the entrance ramp! Janus doesn’t take the time to sell however, and, not wanting to lose his advantage, catches C4 as he stands, locking on a firm chokehold! C4 shows signs of alarm, but doesn’t do much about it, obviously having suffered a concussion of some degree sometime in the match. Janus smiles, and points upwards, causing the fans to go into a frenzy of cheers!

 

“Janus has got C4 by the nape of the neck!” King covers his eyes with both hands.

 

“Indeed he does, as he lifts him up… up… up… CHOKESLAM!!!”

 

C4’s corpse is smashed onto the ramp with catastrophic impact, and Janus rubs at his sore shoulder, which has deteriorated to dead weight, as it now hangs limp on Janus’ side. Realizing that he should end this as quickly as possible now, Janus grabs a hold of C4’s black t-shirt, and begins towing him up the ramp. He gets maybe a quarter of an inch, before letting out a grunt, and then grasping at his arm in pain! He shakes his arm in hopes of bringing a little feeling into it, but the limb remains limp.

 

“Haha!” King joyously screeches. “That ‘sound technical wrestling’ that you made seem so worthless earlier on Axis, is finally paying off! How the hell is Janus supposed to get C4 INTO the sleigh, if his arm isn’t even working?”

 

“Yes, this is certainly a hump that Janus will have to get over…” Axis states worryingly.

 

Janus wearily stands above C4 on the entrance ramp, evidentially working out a plan. He shrugs, and settles on a basic “kill first, win later” tactic, as he lopes over to his adversary’s head, and leaps into the air, coming down with a thunderous legdrop, which C4 dodges! The volatile warrior rolls over onto his stomach, and with a sudden burst of energy, leaps to his feet! Janus regains a standing posture as quickly as he can, but it’s not quick enough, as C4 puts him back down again with a Lou Thesz Press! C4 pounds away on the surprised Janus with a few right hands, then a left, then a right, then a left, then a right. Right, left, right, left, right, left!! Still mounted on his much bigger enemy, C4 clasps Janus’ head between his two hands, and begins repeatedly smashing his cranium into the steel ramp! The crowd boos at the cold-hearted grappler’s comeback, but that only eggs C4 on even more!

 

“And C4 is taking it to the Anti-Heel Machine, and in quite the brutal fashion, I might add!” King observes.

 

“I think that this could be a turning point in this match, as C4 has FINALLY adapted to the senseless brawling that works best in this type of match… and boy oh boy has he adapted well!” Axis observes the intense flogging that Janus is receiving.

 

Once Janus is legally dead, C4 hops off of his opponent, and lifts him to his feet. Knowing that he can’t let Janus rest even for a moment, C4 hurriedly locks on a front-facelock, and snaps the colossal competitor over his head!!

 

“Snap suplex sends Janus up the ramp!!! They’ve reached the top of the ramp now… and the sleigh is only a few feet away…” Axis senses the end of the match approaching.

 

“Janus lands HARD on his back, and C4 keeps the front-facelock on, rolling his opponent over, and then prying him up to his feet!” King says in a tone that can only be described as “giddy”.

 

C4 meanwhile, prepares for yet another suplex of some sort… a front suplex actually, as he lifts Janus high above his head, and runs forward a step or two, slamming the behemoth onto his belly!! The sickening impact of flesh and bone cracking across the steel stage warrants a sympathetic groan from the crowd, but C4 holds onto Janus’ head still, lifting him to his feet one last time! C4 plunges a knee into his enemy’s belly to tame him, glances back at the sleigh, only two or thee yards away, and lifts with all of his might…

 

“BRAINBUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!”

 

…before propelling Janus’ head at full speed downwards onto the steel floor with a near-fatal sheer drop brainbuster! Janus’ body stiffens upon impact, but instantly deteriorates into a lifeless pile of Jell-O just a second later. C4 stands to his feet, and, pleased with his handiwork, lifts Janus up to his feet one last time, with the intentions of finishing him off!

 

“Janus is dead dead dead!! And about to be a dead LOSER!” King nearly pisses himself with excitement.

 

“I do indeed think that this is the end for Janus… a bad shoulder, and three consecutive suplexes onto solid steel… I… I just don’t realistically see the tide of this match turning,” Axis is dumbfounded at how Janus could possibly make a comeback.

 

C4 hooks Janus’ head, with his right arm, and hooks his leg with his left, before letting out a grunt of strain as he tries to lift the 350-pound man up and over his head!

 

“…Oh no!” Axis qualms. “C4 is looking to hit an Exploder Suplex INTO the sleigh!”

 

“GAAAAAAAAH!”

 

“AAAAAAAARGH!!!”

 

“EEEEEEEEEFFFF!!!”

 

The veins in C4’s neck bulge, his arm muscles contract to the eXtreme, and his eyes go bloodshot… putting aaaalll offff hiss streeengthhh intoooo oooone moooove… aaaaaaaaaand…

 

“EXPLODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

C4 arches backwards and releases his opposition, sending Janus soaring through the air! He lands headfirst into the sleigh with a sickening “thud,” and C4 raises both arms into the air, before collapsing next to the sleigh!

 

“NONONONO C4 you fucking twit!” King shrieks. “You have to push the sleigh off of the stage! C’mon! It’s only a fucking yard! Just give it a little nudge and you’re finished!!”

 

“C4 looked nearly invincible while hitting all of those big moves on the big man, but he’s only human… and human’s have limits to their stamina, King!”

 

C4 lies on his side for what seems like hours, but in reality is only 90 seconds or so. He hacks, coughs, and wheezes, and with an essence of exhaustion painfully apparent in all of his mannerisms, forces himself to his feet! Moving at a quicker pace now, C4 realizes what must be done, and he leaps into action, darting behind the sleigh, and beginning to push! The sleigh budges only an inch… and then two… and then three… before an entire foot of ground has been covered, and only two more remain!

 

“AAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

 

Just as C4 is about to give the sleigh one last shove, Janus, covered in blood, bounds to his feet, and catches C4 off guard with a VICIOUSLY STIFF knife-edge chop right across his fucking FACE!!

 

***CRACK***

 

C4’s neck snaps to the side, and he collapses backwards, giving Janus enough time to get out of the sleigh, and prepare for yet another chop!!

 

***CRACK***

 

Janus catches C4 across the jaw on his way to his feet, sending him back down to the floor!!

 

“And Janus is playing Schwarzenegger to C4’s Hamilton, as he just can’t be put down!” Axis states, hoping that the viewers at home have seen “Terminator” and no what the hell he’s talking about.

 

***CRACK***

 

A third chop smashes in C4’s nose, and sends him stumbling back against the stage set! Blood flows like wine from C4’s face, as he woozily teeters against the set, looking around at his surroundings. Oversized glass candy canes contour the stage wall, and a particularly big Christmas Tree charges C4 head on… wait… no, that’s just Janus, again.

 

***CRACK***

 

Janus slams C4 up against the stage wall with a MASSIVE clothesline, smashing his head against the metallic set, narrowly missing one of the candy canes.

 

“Janus squashes C4 between himself and that unforgiving set… and what’s this??” Axis wonders aloud, as Janus latches a front facelock on his opponent.

 

“Oh no…” King grumbles, putting his face in his hands, realizing that the match is over.

 

“Janus appears to be going for his Vertical Suplex into a Tombstone Piledriver combo, which he calls RAGE UNLEASHED~!”

 

And indeed, just as Axis inquired, Janus grabs a hand-full of C4’s black pants, and lifts him high above his head… er, at least a foot or so, before his arm gives out, causing him to let out a yelp of pain, and set C4 back down! Pain shoots through every inch of Janus’ arm, and he certainly shows it as he screams out, and clutches at his injured limb, backing away from him for just a moment… which gives C4 an opportunity…

 

“Wha--… what the hell is C4 doing?” Axis questions.

 

“Something smart, I’d reckon!”

 

Knowing that he has only one opening, and that he has to use it as best he can, C4 doesn’t go for a move or a hold or even a strike of some sort. Instead…

 

***CRACK***

 

He pries one of the large glass candy canes from the stage set, and smashes it full-force into the side of Janus’ arm! It doesn’t break, but it sure as hell has an effect, as Janus cries out in utter anguish, and backs away from his dangerous foe. C4 grips the cane with both hands, and stalks Janus… until the Anti-Heel Machine backs right into the sleigh itself!! With nowhere to go, and not much strength to fight back with, Janus only has one possible fate…

 

***CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-FUCKING-RAAAAAAAAAACK***

 

“HOLY SHIT!”

”HOLY SHIT!”

“HOLY SHIT!”

 

…and that’s not a very bright one, as C4 SHATTERS THE GLASS CANDY CANE DOWN ONTO JANUS’ HEAD!!!!!!!!!! Blood and candy-glass scatter everywhere, and Janus’ eyes roll up into his head, and he falls back against the sleigh. Not wanting to repeat a mistake, C4 doesn’t waste even a second this time around. He sprints up to Janus, grabs him with one arm, and lifts him up, slamming him headfirst back into the sleigh with a high-angle STO!!

 

“POWER NITRO DRIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!” King marks out like a Catholic schoolgirl, as the match has finally been sealed.

 

C4 drops to his knees, but doesn’t rest quite yet. He stands up again, plants his feet into the ground, and with all of his might, sends the sleigh [with a fairly unorthodox Santa Claus inside] off of the stage!!! The sleigh lands on solid concrete 10 feet below, and Janus flies out of the vehicle upon impact, his face smashing into the cement just as hard as the sleigh.

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

And then, silence. No Funyon, no music, no nothing. All that can be heard are three chimes from the bell, as the show cuts to commercial, the announcers both in a state of shock. Yes, even King.

[Guest realitycheck]

“And man what a contest that was between Janus and C4,” remarks Axis, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a brutal match where two men went at it quite like that.”

 

“You got it Axis. Good thing these guys have a break coming up,” notes The Suicide King, “Janus’ shoulder is in such sorry shape right now that he’s still making his way out of he… what’s that sound?”

 

"HERE WE ARE!

BORN TO BE KINGS!

WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE!"

 

The crowd boos ferociously and Janus turns his eyes to the entranceway as former European Champion Ejiro Fasaki steps out from backstage. Smiling a predator’s smile, Ejiro Fasaki stares right back into the glassy eyes of the giant known as Janus.

 

The Suicide King laughs, "Fasaki's here for some payback, Axis! He’s picked his spot and now it’s time to make that big freak pay the price!"

 

"Oh, come on!” chides Axis, “Janus just had a very brutal match, and I don't think the European Champion can even use his left arm anymore!"

 

The crowd starts up their "Fuck You Fasaki” chant as the giant and the ex-champion stare at each other. Janus crouches slightly as if preparing to fight, but instead of attacking him.... Ejiro smiles and steps aside, motioning to the entrance to the backstage area. Janus raises an eyebrow while watching Ejiro intently - and then straightens up, slowly walking backstage as Fasaki stands aside on the stage.

 

The Suicide King shouts, "What in the hell..."

 

"Ejiro let Janus through! He didn't attack him! What's up with that?"

 

"You've got me!” answers King, “Ejiro isn't going soft on us, I hope. He just passed up a perfect opportunity at taking some revenge, and that is not like Fasaki at all."

 

The camera zooms in on Ejiro's broadly smiling visage as he pulls the microphone up to his lips and begins to speak, “People of Alaska, do I have a treat for you tonight! Tonight, in this misbegotten hellhole of a state, you all are going to be witnesses to history. You are going to see the crowning of a new era in SJL wrestling. You are going to see, me, Ejiro Fasaki win his first ever World Championship. A championship that has rightfully belonged to me since the day I was conceived on this planet.”

 

“Because ever since that day, I have been the greatest wrestler ever. I have been the most driven, the most callous, and the most talented person the planet has ever produced. But until tonight, I have never been allowed the opportunity to get a hold of the one thing that would prove all of that to the world. The title belt that my good buddy Fugue carries with him to the ring.”

 

“Well, Fugue, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. But your time on top of the mountain has ended. It is now the era of wrestling once again. It is now the era where being the best is recognized throughout the World. It is now the era of Ejiro Fasaki. And whether you want to admit it or not, it is time that Fugue stepped aside and allowed me to take my rightful place at the top of the wrestling food chain. For that… is MY DESTINY! And I will… PROVE IT!”

[Guest realitycheck]

The words earlier tonight scroll across the screen before the image fades to one of the snow covered parking lot.

 

Standing in nothing but black shorts, Dace Night stands knee deep in snow, head down and eyes shut, unmoving, not even seeming to shiver.

 

The camera turns slowly, and we see just a few feet away, a snowman built up from the ground.

But instead of the normal hat and scarf, with one is wearing an M7 t shirt, pulled and stretched to fit over it's icy bulk.

 

Dace twitches, snaps his head up and breaks forwards into a charge, feet slipping, but he keeps running, swinging his arm out and smashing the head off the snowman in a brutal decapitated, as snow flies everywhere.

 

The image fades out as Dace pushes himself up from the snow.

[Guest realitycheck]

The camera fades in to show a nervous Ben Hardy standing next to a smiling, trenchcoated figure. Hardy clears his throat as the audience begins to boo. "This is Ben Hardy, standing by with the SJL World Champion, Fugue. Fugue--would you give us your thoughts on the title match you have, tonight, with your fellow Magnificent Seven member Ejiro Fasaki?" He puts the microphone up to Fugue's face.

 

Fugue smiles as he looks off into the distance. Then, after a few moments, he seems to focus on Ben Hardy. "My thoughts?" he muses. "Hmmm. Yes, of course. Now, listen carefully, Ben." Fugue puts an arm around the nervous interviewer's shoulders as he ponders his next words.

 

"Ejiro. Ejiro and I...are a lot alike," Fugue says. "We both feel the need to improve our fellow men--through example. We win, you see," Fugue flashes a grin, "and thus prove our harmonious superiority, not to mention the superiority of our personal philosophies of enlightenment. Such is the mission of the Magnificient Seven as a whole, right Ben?"

 

"Uh, yeah," Ben replies, trying surreptitiously to free himself.

 

"Right," Fugue continues, absently tightening his grip into a near-headlock on the hapless Hardy. "But you see, Ejiro isn't quite as far down the path of enlightenment as I am. His theme is too staid, and straightforward. He's too well-tempered." Fugue chuckles, then blinks and stares at Ben Hardy. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

 

"Uh, well--" Ben struggles a bit more.

 

"Well, that's all right, I'll just have to educate you." Fugue cinches in the hold slightly and Ben lets out a whimper. The musician grins. "Now, the twelve notes of our musical scale are set in rigid mathematical ratios. Go up an octave, and the frequencies double. See?" Ben Hardy seems unable or unwilling to speak, so Fugue continues. "But actually that's not true at all. In order to make the notes sound 'correct' and to support the notion of 'keys', the frequencies are subtly skewed. Music used to be written for the 'real' numbers, but such pieces sound strange to the modern ear." Fugue suddenly releases Hardy and grabs him by the shoulders, staring intently into his eyes. "You know what this means, don't you, Ben?"

 

Ben Hardy gapes. "Uh?"

 

"It means THE WHOLE DAMN THING IS A LIE!" Fugue yells, suddenly shaking Ben like a rag doll. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!? IT'S ALL A DAMN LIE!!!" Fugue grabs the microphone and shoves Ben away to tumble offscreen. The musician turns to stare into the camera, a leer on his face. "Until you understand that," he hisses, "until you understand the restrictions you labor under and NEVER SEE, you can never TRULY understand music." Fugue advances on the camera, which shakes as the cameraman backs away. "Ejiro!" Fugue barks. "You profess to be the best, but you're outdated and baroque! You must move beyond the classics!" Fugue pulls off his championship belt and begins waving it as he rants. "Your orderly symphony of submissions could drown out Wildchild, but you've never been locked in a cell with a homicidal MANIAC! Ask Matt Myers--he was in over his HEAD! Ask Johnny Dangerous--his mission is now IMPOSSIBLE!" The cameraman has now been backed into the wall as Fugue yells at him. "I'll show you the ways of the world you've been blind to, Ejiro! I'll show you that dissonance makes the sweetest Harmony of ALL! Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis, status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis! Zettai unmei, mokushiroku!"

 

Fugue steps back, grinning ferally, and throws the microphone at the cowering Ben Hardy before he stalks off.

[Guest realitycheck]

Fade in on the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska, where the fans are cheering for the SJL superstars. The SmarkTron lights up with an animated picture of a Sno-Globe, and photos of the three noble faces, Dace Night, Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous appear behind the falling snow. The fans pop for their favourites, and the camera zooms in on Axis and the Suicide King.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen," says Axis, "We have a special treat for you tonight. Here, in this very arena..."

 

"It's not in this arena," interrupts Suicide King. "I rented out a warehouse down the street. We've got a closed-circuit feed onto the SmarkTron."

 

"Well then, still, I'm very pleased to have the opportunity to call-"

 

"Oh, and you're not calling it."

 

"We're not calling it? Well then, who is?"

 

"Oh, two guys I found on human waste detail...."

 

...

 

Fade in on a warehouse down the street from the Sullivan Arena, where the venerable Curry Man and the pantsless NTD sit at the announce table. Lacking microphones, each man holds an electric bullhorn in front of his face. Lacking a proper heating system, the commentators wear puffy parkas. Lacking pants, NTD grins hedonistically.

 

"Fans, it's great to be back here working for the SJL!" exclaims Curry Man.

 

"Yeah, and it was really nice of them to find a warehouse that didn't enforce no pants, no service," agrees NTD. "Now, we've got three really nice hunks of manmeat ready to compete in this Snow Bowl Match! I can't wait to see them, so let's go to the ring!"

 

The ring stands empty. We wait a minute, and then we see the door open wide. In walks Johnny Dangerous, dressed in a Santa suit and holding a big bag of what appear to be presents! NTD murmurs, "Will ya look at that sack?" Curry simply slaps him.

 

Following immediately behind Johnny is Wildchild, dressed in a green elf costume! He carries with him a bottle of the finest Caribbean rum, along with a plate of homemade holiday rum balls! ("Ooh, look at those balls!" Smack.)

 

And behind him....

 

Johnny stops in his tracks.

 

"Dace?"

 

"I'm not coming out."

 

"Dace."

 

"No."

 

"DACE!"

 

From behind the door, we hear a loud sigh. Out steps the six-foot-four, 254-pound Dace Night, dressed in a full-body brown velvet reindeer costume, complete with painted-on red nose and antler headgear.

 

"I still don't understand why I had to be the reindeer."

 

"Come on, muh man," says Wildchild. "It be da heart of da bit, man, Ah gar-on-tee."

 

The three men walk toward the ring and stroll into the center, where Wildchild pops a rum ball into his mouth before adding a healthy dose of the liquor to Johnny's Eggnog. Johnny motions for a bullhorn.

 

"Fans in the Sullivan Center, we're sorry to disappoint you, but the SJL World Title's #1 contender won't be determined tonight."

 

Back in the arena, the fans boo out of sheer disappointment.

 

"Instead, we decided we'd like to celebrate the birth of our savior-"

 

Dace elbows him in the ribs.

 

"Okay, okay. We'd like to celebrate the Hallmark monstrosity that is Christmas..."

 

Dace grins and nods.

 

"... by singing you Mommy Dangerous's very favourite Christmas carol. So, without further ado...."

 

The cheap sound system in the warehouse begins to blare a tinny rendition of "Oh Holy Night."

 

Johnny: Oh, holy night....

Wildchild: Dem stars, dey brightly shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiing....

Dace: I sacrifice to my Lord, Lu-ci-fer.....

 

Johnny: Long lay the world...

Wildchild: In sin and error piiiiiniiiing...

Dace: Don't know what's wrong with sin, or err-or....

 

Johnny glares at Dace, who simply shrugs.

 

Johnny: A thrill of hope...

Wildchild: De weary world rejooooiiiiiices...

Dace: For yonder breaks, and I sacrifice a cow...

 

All three: FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

ON YOUR KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

 

Dace: And HEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAR the ratings DROPPPPPPING

 

Johnny: Dace NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

Dace: *shrugs* I triiiiiiiiiiiiied

 

Wildchild: Oooooooooooooh niiiiiiiight when Dace blasphemed

 

Johnny: Ooooooooooh NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT DeFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMED

Dace: Dace Niiiiiiiiiiiiight's gonna get FUBAR.....

 

With that, Dace picks up the bottle of rum, pops a rumball in his mouth, and strolls out of the ring, swigging as he goes. Johnny and Wildchild shrug, unsure what to do.

 

Suddenly, the roof of the warehouse opens up, and snow is dumped all over the ring. Johnny and Wildchild grin at the camera, and begin pelting each other with snowballs. All of a sudden, the door swings open once again, and a sleigh being pulled by eight jobbers in reindeer costumes not unlike Dace's rides into the arena. Who's sitting in the sleigh?

 

NTD grins. "I like this guy."

 

Why, it's Mr. Bukkake, of course! He walks up to the camera, smiles, and says, "Merry Christmas to all our fans from the SJL!"

 

Suddenly, in a sticky, bursting fashion, the closed-circuit feed blacks out.

 

...

 

"Um... King?" Axis is thoroughly confused. "What was that blackout?"

 

"Well, Axis, let me put it this way. It sure wasn't a star wipe."

 

In the ring, Funyon announces, "Your winner, and NEW number-one contender to the SJL World Championship... JOHNNY CLAUS!!!!!!!!"

 

From the back, a very generic-looking man in a Santa suit bursts out carrying a sack of toys. As he begins throwing the yellow-boxed, black-lettered toys to the crowd, the show fades away to commercial.

[Guest realitycheck]

“Wow! Who would expected such an ending to that wild Snow Bowl Match!” shouts Axis as SJL Wrath returns from the last commercial break of the evening. “I cannot even begin to express just how weird and wild that match was! So I won’t ... and neither will King. Will you King?”

 

“No, I will not,” follows The Suicide King with great assurance, “But let me just tell the winner, that although I refuse to say your name for any reason, I am extremely proud of you. Whoever you were.”

 

“Exactly, so without further ado, I do believe it is time for The Magnificent Seven to EXPLODE!” laughs Axis, “Like Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty, Edge and Christian, or Sting and just about anyone; this team is about to dissolve in front of our very eyes. And I, for one, am going to enjoy every moment of it.”

 

“You are one cold and callous individual, Axis,” admonishes The Suicide King, “How you can sit back and laugh as two men who have gone through so much together are going to be battling it out it just a few moments? And for the SJL World Heavyweight title match no less! And in a cage/ladder match at that! Whose bright idea was it to make two fine athletes like this battle it out in such a barbaric contest?”

 

“Whoever it is, I would like to wish he or she a very Merry Christmas or Chanukah or Festivus or whatever they want to celebrate or maybe all three? Anyway, without using up any more words than I have to, let’s go to the ring and our ring announcer.... Funyon.”

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce... the special guest ring announcer...”

 

“What? No one told me about a special ring announcer!” whines The King, “I demand to be kept informed of all special things! I want to be special damn it!”

 

“Please welcome... From the South Pole... XANTA CLAUS!”

 

“Xanta Claus?” asks everyone in the arena as the former WWF superstar comes walking down the aisle in his black Santa suit and waving to the crowd. Reliving that classic moment where he bashed Savio Vega over the head with his sack, Xanta smiles all the way down the aisle before stepping into the center of the ring and taking the microphone from a very happy Funyon. Taking the microphone, Xanta steps into the middle of the ring and begins his introductions.

 

“HO! HO! HO! This next match is the main event for this evening and is for The SJL World Title! This will also be a Cage and Ladder match where the only way to win will be to retrieve the title belt which is already hanging high above my head.” At this, everyone in the arena looks up, and hey! There is the title belt. Good call, Xanta. “Introducing first, the challenger.”

 

And the crowd begins to boo before the music even begins to play. They might as well get a good start, since they are going to be booing both guys all match long anyway right? But the boos only intensify as Biohazard’s “Sellout” roars out over the speakers. Stepping through the curtain comes the man who is about to take part in the biggest match of his career. Rocking back and forth on his heels, Ejiro Fasaki shakes loose every muscle in his body as he stalks his way down the aisle and into the ring. Stepping up to the middle ropes, Ejiro lifts his hand high into the air as fireworks blast off from the turnbuckles. Defiantly, Fasaki steps off the middle ropes and stops short as he sees a happy Xanta Claus there with the microphone.

 

“He weighs in at 188 pounds and is from Sarasota, Florida. When he was ten years old, he asked for a Castle Greyskull, but never got it. EJIRO FASAKI!”

 

Ejiro steps back against the ropes as his childhood trauma is displayed to the world. But Xanta Claus continues with his special announcing duties. “And his opponent...”

 

The lights go down to nothing as Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor” begins to haunt in from the bowels of the arena. And as a flashing white light begins to strobe, The SJL World Champion walks down the entranceway with his trench coat already getting pulled off and tossed aside as he wanders down the aisle. Stepping through the ropes with a focused look on his face, Fugue stares a hole into his ‘partner’ before he notices Xanta. Stunned for just a second, shakes his head for a second before walking to the sides of the ring and looking out to the crowd as Xanta goes about his business.

 

“He is The SJL Heavyweight Champion. From Philadelphia, he weighs in 181 pounds! He wanted a stereo but ended up with socks! FUGUE!”

 

Xanta climbs out of the ring and takes a seat next to a giddy Funyon as the wrestlers both take a long look up at the hanging prize. And while our attention is up there already, let us watch as the ominous structure of the steel cage slowly lowers down across the ring. And in doing so, it traps Fasaki, Fugue and referee Eddy Long alone in the ring with the two fifteen foot high ladders that have been placed in the corners of the ring. Looking at both men very quickly to find out if they are ready, Long looks out to the timekeeper and signals for the bell...

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Both members of The Magnificent Seven circle each other for a moment before coming together in the center of the ring. But immediately, Fugue drives a knee right into the chest of his challenger. Again, the knee strikes home as Fugue holds onto the head of Ejiro Fasaki. Quickly trying to take advantage, Fugue tries to ram Fasaki into the side of the cage. But the wily Fasaki immediately puts out his arms and uses them to block Fugue’s throws. Quickly tossing an elbow behind him, Ejiro catches Fugue across the forehead. Turning immediately, Fasaki rams a series of his vaunted elbows into the head of The Musician and drives him back on his heels. Taking Fugue by the arm, Ejiro attempts to whip the Champion into one of the ladders that have been propped up in a corner. But Fugue quickly uses a baseball slide into the corner in order to break his momentum and quickly pop right back to his feet.

 

“Both men try to use their surroundings in order to get some sort of advantage, but neither one succeeds as they are both so well prepared for this match,” notes Axis.

 

“I think it’s pretty obvious that the person who is going to win this, is the one that ends up using the weapons in the ring the best,” remarks King. “That’s going to be the easiest way for these two submission experts to get the other man down long enough to get up that ladder and claim the World Title Belt.”

 

Locking up again rather quickly, this time Fasaki is the one that takes the initiative as he quickly sneaks in an elbow to the side of the head. Quickly spinning around behind his partner in The Magnificent Seven, Ejiro looks to send Fugue over with the belly-to-back suplex but Fugue immediately counters as he drives an elbow on his own down across Fasaki’s neck. Quickly reversing behind Fasaki, Fugue grabs Ejiro around the waist and looks to bury him with a tremendous German suplex. But instead of going over, Ejiro presses down on Fugue’s wrists and denies him the leverage needed to complete the move. Quickly concentrating all his energy onto one of Fugue’s arms, Ejiro breaks his opponent’s grip and sends him off with a quick hip throw. But before even Fasaki can get back to his feet, Fugue nips right back up to his feet and jams a thumb into Ejiro’s eye.

 

“And Fugue is the first one to go to the shortcuts,” says Axis, “And it is any wonder why, considering the way these two know each other like the back of their hands. I have a feeling that neither man will be able to depend on their normal offense in this match as their opponents already know what the other is thinking.”

 

With Ejiro temporarily blinded, Fugue quickly turns his body on a dime and takes Ejiro to the canvas with a sweeping kick to the legs. Quickly regaining his feet Fugue hops into the air and comes crashing down across Ejiro’s body with a standing senton bomb. Driving all the wind out of Fasaki’s body, Fugue moves right off of Ejiro in one fluid motion. Pulling the challenger off the canvas, Fugue looks to further the punishment with a whip into the ropes. But Ejiro quickly reverses the momentum and sends Fugue flying with as much force as he can muster. As a matter of fact, the whip is so powerful that it sends Fugue’s back crashing into the mesh of the steel cage, rattling both the steel and Fugue’s own body. Bouncing to the mat and right back to his feet, Fugue staggers for just a moment before Fasaki knocks him right back to the canvas with his vaunted screaming elbow! With Fugue down on the canvas, Ejiro quickly places his weight down across his opponent and begins to choke away with as much venom as he can muster. Breaking the choke, Fasaki hauls Fugue off the canvas and prepares to send him into on of the ladders. But this time, it is Fugue who reverses the whip and sends Ejiro slamming into the hard steel with his back! Stunned, Ejiro stands leaning against the ladder as Fugue moves forward and crushes Ejiro with a leaping avalanche!

 

Axis shouts, “Oh what a move! Fugue and Ejiro are quickly engaging in a whole lot of give and take wrestling thus far in this match. It’s been simply and direct carnage. Seems to me like even members of The Magnificent Seven don’t like The Magnificent Seven.”

 

“Hey Axis, your pie hole? Shut it!” remarks King, “These guys are fighting over the World Title, and either one would do anything to get it! I’m sure once this match is over, they will go right back to destroying the rest of The SJL like they should.”

 

With Ejiro still pressed against the ladder, Fugue walks away from his opponent in order to get another running start towards his foe. Taking a few steps, Fugue launches himself into the air in order to crush Ejiro with a dropkick. But the challenger quickly ducks away as Fugue smashes his feet into the ladder! Falling to the canvas, Fugue has no defense as the ladder topples down across his battered body. Shaking his head to remove some cobwebs, Ejiro takes a hold of the ladder before lifting it high into the air and slamming it down across Fugue’s prone body with a cold, detached hatred. Tossing the ladder aside, Fasaki pries The Musician off the canvas and walks him over towards a wall of the cage. Slowly pressing Fugue’s head against the steel, Ejiro ruthlessly drags The Champion’s head across the mesh. Finally releasing his foe, Ejiro’s face breaks into a little smile as he sees a trickle of blood start to flow down the pale face of Fugue. Unfortunately for Fasaki, he’s not the only one who is smiling.

 

“Fugue is busted open,” remarks Axis, “And I think he likes it!”

 

Smiling even more broadly than Ejiro, Fugue puts his hand up against the minor laceration on his forehead as Fasaki tries to stay on the offense. First kicking Fugue across the face, Ejiro hauls the World Champion up to his feet by the hair. But Fugue quickly slaps Fasaki’s arms away and runs right over his challenger with a short clothesline. Quickly trying to keep his advantage in tact, Fugue sends Ejiro into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a flying, spinning shoulder tackle! Climbing to his feet, Fugue quickly collects the ladder that neither man has used thus far from its corner as Ejiro struggles to regain his feet. But Fasaki can stand no more as Fugue runs him right over with the width of the ladder! Nudging the challenger flat onto his back, Fugue stands above his partner and brings the ladder high into the air before sending it crashing down into Ejiro’s chest with the top rung!

 

WHAM!

 

The Suicide King remarks, “What a viscous move! Fugue knows that Ejiro is just now coming off a serious rib injury and is going right after it with that ladder! Oh, man, I am sure these guys will have a good laugh over this one tomorrow, at least, I hope so.”

 

“Not bloody likely,” scoffs Axis, “With as violent as this thing has already become, I don’t think that The Magnificent Seven will ever be the same!”

 

WHAM!

 

“And again with the ladder to the ribs! Fugue is going at Fasaki like he stole something!” yells Axis.

 

Ejiro rolls to the side of the ring as Fugue sets up the ladder in the center of the ring, just underneath his title belt. And quickly, Fugue begins his assent towards the very top of the arena! Reaching high above his head, Fugue gets a hand on the World Title belt but does not get any sort of grip as he makes an attempt to snatch the belt off it’s ring. So as the Title Belt swings just out of reach, Fugue continues to grab at the title as Fasaki slowly notices what is going on. Springing into action immediately, Fasaki launches himself at the side of the ladder and shoves it over! Fugue starts to take that horrifying trip to the canvas as he quickly realizes that it is actually quite worse than even that!

 

“FUGUE HITS THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!” screams Axis at the top of his lungs! “I never thought about it before now, but as high as that ladder is, if you get thrown for the maximum distance, that cage is going to be right there to catch you!”

 

“Catch you?” questions King, “More like destroy you! Fugue hit the cage with his face!”

 

Ejiro slowly pushes the ladder out of his way as Fugue tries to pull himself up near the ropes. But Ejiro will allow him no respite, and quickly catches Fugue from behind with a hard elbow to the back of the head that sends Fugue falling to the canvas. Quickly dropping down, Ejiro mashes Fugue’s features into the wall of the cage with as much strength he can muster. Then, rising to his feet, Fasaki hits the ropes for momentum and comes crashing into Fugue with a big baseball slide that further crushes The Musician’s head into the wire of the cage. Getting to his feet and grabbing the top rope, Fasaki kicks away at Fugue over and over, in an attempt to wear the deadly SJL World Champion out long enough so Ejiro can retrieve the title belt. In order to further that goal, Ejiro pulls an even bloodier Fugue to the center of the ring and slams him to the canvas. Quickly running the ropes, Ejiro hops onto the middle rope and goes for his patented lionsault! But Fugue is not out of this match yet and he lifts his knees at the last moment and catches Fasaki right in the ribs!

 

“Costly miscalculation from Fasaki. He took a big risk and it ended up costing him big time,” comments Axis.

 

“And it’s yet another blow to those ribs,” mentions The Suicide King, “He’s got to be looking forward to the upcoming break so he can finally allow his chest a chance to heal. Wrestling in these hard-hitting contests every week have not allowed any of his nagging injuries to finally heal. I’m sure several other SJL Superstars are looking at it the same way.”

 

Taking a gasping Fasaki around the head, Fugue snap mares Ejiro over to the canvas before leaping into the air and landing with a hard knee across the chest of the challenger. Walking over to one of the ladders, The Musician leans the heavy metal appliance across the middle ropes on an 45-degree angle. Collecting the injured Challenger, Fugue pulls him over to the ladder he had just set up before darting behind and locking on a tight full nelson. Putting a leg in front of his opponent’s, Fugue sweeps Ejiro forward into the ladder with a full nelson sweep! With Ejiro laying across the ladder on his face, Fugue quickly steps to the apron and the tiny space between it and the wall of the cage. Grabbing the top rope, Fugue uses it to propel himself over the top and across the prone form of his challenger as the entire crowd let loose with another audible wince of pain. Rolling off the ladder, Fasaki tries to hold his body together as Fugue readies his next plan of attack. Dragging the ladder to the center of the ring, Fugue allows it to lay flat as he grabs another hold of Fasaki and takes him towards his apparent demise. Placing Fasaki down on his back, Fugue sets up and the ladder and places it down across the chest of his adversary before making the climb up the ladder!

 

King says, “What a smart move by The World Champion! He’s going to make it impossible for Ejiro to stop him by actually trapping him underneath the ladder. That Fugue is crazy smart!”

 

“Or just crazy, depending on your point of view,” smirks Axis at his rather elementary joke.

 

But Ejiro is not laughing as his eyes open wide as he notices Fugue climbing up the ladder over top of him. Panicked at the thought of losing his chance at the World title, Fasaki begins to flail wildly as Fugue makes his way up the ladder. Finally, with one sudden violent surge of energy, Ejiro pushes the ladder to one side and topples it over! Falling once again towards the unforgiving wall of steel, Fugue decides to bail out early and tumbles to the mat instead of eating cage once again. But still, hitting the mat from that height is no picnic and Fugue is once again seriously injured from the fall.

 

“Another terrific tumble to the canvas!” remarks Axis as both wrestlers struggle to continue fighting.

 

Crawling over to his fallen partner in The Magnificent Seven, Ejiro climbs on top and starts to deliver a series of short right hands to the head of the fallen champion. Dragging Fugue off the canvas, Ejiro quickly sends the SJL World Champion into the ropes and catches him on the rebound around the waist. Falling backward with a variation of Eddie Gilbert’s hotshot, Ejiro, instead of dropping Fugue on the top rope, drives the world champion right into the side of the cage! Fugue falls back into the center of the ring as the laceration on his forehead continues to grow ever larger and the blood on his face continues to flow until it is covered in the crimson mask. Trying to deepen the cut even more, Ejiro runs the laces of his boot down across Fugue’s forehead before going right back to his elbow strikes. Driving the point of his elbow into Fugue’s face, Ejiro manages to send Fugue right down to one knee. Quickly taking to the air, Ejiro cracks Fugue in the back of the head with a leaping kick that sends Fugue collapsing to the mat. Not yet satisfied, Ejiro pries The SJL World Champion off the canvas once more before snapping him right back to the mat with a lightning fast vertical suplex. Checking Fugue’s position, Ejiro looks up as he makes his way to the ropes. Climbing up to the top rope on the inside, Fasaki pauses for just a moment before climbing even higher into the air!

 

“Sweet Jesus! Ejiro Fasaki is climbing all the way to the top of this fifteen-foot high steel cage. And if he hits something from that high, there is no way Fugue is going to be able to come back from it!”

 

Using the top of the cage to haul his body up there, Ejiro pulls himself into a sitting position on the edge of the structure. Then, putting his legs underneath him, Ejiro cautiously stands high into the air as the fans murmur with anticipation. Steadying himself, Ejiro looks down for the body of the Musician when he suddenly realizes that Fugue is not where he used to be! Having started moving much earlier, Fugue had gotten to the edge of the cage. And now, as Ejiro is poised so perilously, Fugue furiously begins to pull the side of the cage back and forth to disrupt his opposition’s balance. And disrupt it he does as Ejiro falls strait down and buries his groin into the top of the cage. Understandably stunned, Fasaki sits with his legs across the cage as Fugue slowly climbs up after him! Scaling all the way up to the top rope, Fugue grabs Ejiro’s legs and places them so once again, Ejiro is sitting on the top of the cage. Then driving a fist into the face of his challenger, Fugue turns his back on the top rope and places his hands up and under Fasaki’s armpits. Looking back and forth quickly, the bloody face of Fugue breaks into a huge sadistic smile as he pitches his body forward with a top rope...

 

“ICONOCLASM!” screams Axis as the members of the crowd let loose with a tremendous cheer of appreciation, “He just slammed Ejiro into the canvas from 15 feet in the air! If I hadn’t have been here to see that I would not have believed it!”

 

“What a slam that was!” calls King, “But it took a lot out of Fugue as well as his tail bone made hard contact with the mat, we will have to see if that high risk move comes back to haunt him later on or not.”

 

Pulling his body off the canvas, Fugue tries to stand tall but a spasm in his lower back sends him right back down to his knees. While, at the same time, Ejiro Fasaki lays in the center of the ring and does not move a muscle as Referee Eddy Long checks in with him to make sure of no serious injury. But Fugue is not about to give Long the opportunity to call this one off and as he finally staggers back up to his feet and goes back to his task of stalking Fasaki. Shoving the referee aside, Fugue grabs the unconscious Fasaki by the ankle and pulls him closer to a corner. Then, looking strait up, Fugue makes the climb...

 

“TO THE TOP OF THE CAGE,” belts out Axis as Fugue carries his broken body all the way to the top of the steel edifice, “He saw what happened to Ejiro when he tried for this, and now he is going to do it himself!”

 

“But this time, the guy that is going to get squashed is not going anywhere! Ejiro has not made a move since taken that huge slam off the top of the cage. This time, the guy going to the top is going to have a free shot at the guy on the bottom.”

 

Standing up fully, Fugue takes a moment to rub his back before putting his full attention onto his partner in The Magnificent Seven. Looking out, Fugue takes to the air for a huge legdrop that comes from the stratosphere...

 

 

 

 

And crushes...

 

 

 

 

Fugue’s tailbone as Ejiro rolls away in the nick of time! With his last bit of energy, Fasaki managed to roll into the corner just as Fugue had committed to the guillotine legdrop. And with nothing to break his fall, Fugue smashes his already injured tailbone into the hard canvas at one hundred miles per hour. Squiring on the canvas, Fugue grabs a hold of the small of his back as Fasaki struggles to shake off the Iconoclasm from just a few moments ago. Both men slowly work their way up to their feet in synchronized fashion but with one difference that Fugue was facing away from his opponent. Staggering forward, Ejiro pushes Fugue strait ahead and into the side of the cage. Then, with the World Champion suitably stunned, Ejiro quickly wraps up his arms with a double chicken wing. Then, jerking Fugue up as high as he can manage, Ejiro drives The Musician strait down with Fugues own maneuver, the Coda! Again slamming down on his tailbone, Fugue screams out in pain as he falls to one side and places a hand against the small of his back.

 

“One of Fugue’s own favorite moves and Ejiro Fasaki pulls it out and uses it to maximum effectiveness! You can really tell that these men have spent a lot of time training with each other in the bowels of Magnificent Seven Central,” remarks Axis.

 

“Of course they do!” admonishes The Suicide King. “This is not some loose affiliation of losers, these are the elite members of the wrestling fraternity. How else are they going to get better unless they train with people of similar skill and determination?”

 

“But now, Fasaki is using that training to take advantage of Fugue’s injury. And you can be sure if the positions where reversed, Fugue would be doing the same exact thing.”

 

Leaving Fugue in his rather battered state, Fasaki with painful slowness collects one of the ladders from the mat and sets it up in the center of the ring. And then, making sure he is where he wants to be positioned, Ejiro begins that long climb up to where the title is hanging from a thread. But Fugue is not about to stay down for long while his title is in danger. Shutting out the pain, Fugue wavers over to the other side of the ladder and also begins to climb up towards the sky! But Fasaki is there first and actually manages to get a hand around the precious prize. But like time, his grip is fleeting as Fugue catches Fasaki in his exposed throat with a quick and dangerous martial arts thrust. Then taking Ejiro by the hair, The Musician slams his head down onto the top rung of the metal climbing tool. Staggered from the blow, Ejiro allows his body to slump over the top of the ladder as Fugue climbs even higher. But not to grab the belt. The Musician has something else planned entirely. Wrapping his arms around the body of his adversary, Fugue pushes his body up and over before pulling Fasaki right down to the canvas with...

 

“MURDER-DEATH-KILL BOMB!” shouts Axis as Fasaki’s head gets slammed into the mat with the sunset flip into a sit out powerbomb maneuver, “Fugue really should have made a play for the belt while he was so high already. What do you think, King?”

 

“I think Fugue is losing focus on the goal of winning this match and has allowed anger to overtake his reason. That powerbomb not only bashed in Ejiro’s brains, but also exposed the small of Fugue’s back to even a bigger jolt than before!” remarks King as both wrestlers try to regain some semblance of control over their injured bodies.

 

Fugue is the first to recover from the powerbomb to pull his body up off the canvas and stagger to the ropes as Ejiro struggles to even roll over into a position where he can get back to his knees. Coming up from behind, Fugue wraps his arms around Fasaki’s waist and drags him up to his feet. Then, Fugue takes a minor hop for momentum before arching back for a German suplex! But with his back as injured and as tight as it is, Fugue is unable to bridge properly and both men end up taking the full impact of the throw on the back of their necks. So, once again, both men are down are down on the canvas as the belt continues to hang high over the center of the ring. Fugue is the first one to regain his feet but when he takes a swing at his adversary, Fasaki ducks underneath the clumsy blow and grabs a hold of Fugue from behind. Quickly jerking Fugue up in position for a belly-to-back suplex, Fasaki holds Fugue up high as The World Champion attempts to shield his neck for the landing to come. But Fasaki was not going for the belly-to-back suplex at all and instead brings Fugue right back down on the small of his back with an atomic drop! Roaring in pain, Fugue arches his back uncontrollably as Fasaki keeps his hold locked on and goes flying backward with...

 

“BACKDROPAAAAA!” shouts Axis, as the back of Fugue’s neck gets jammed into the canvas with a picture perfect belly-to-back suplex. “Well you can one thing here, King, neither member of the Magnificent Seven is going down without a fight.”

 

“Well, no kidding Axis. What was your first clue? The Iconoclasm off the top of the cage, the MDK bomb, or just all of the bloodletting?”

 

Slowly preparing for the coup de grace', Ejiro climbs up to the top rope again and gets a solid bead on the whereabouts of his adversary. And as Fugue slowly staggers up to his feet, Ejiro leaps off the top rope with a flying body press. But Fugue quickly counters with a leaping dropkick to the chest that crushes Fasaki’s ribs in midair! And once again both men are down! Slowly, their aching bodies begin to move once more as both men go for a different ladder! Apparently oblivious to what the other wrestler is doing, Fugue and Fasaki both set up ladders just underneath the hanging title belt and start the long climb up on the opposite sides of their respective ladders.

 

“It’s a race for the gold!” shouts Axis as Fugue and Ejiro both take step after painful step up the steel, desperately making a play for the World Heavyweight Championship that is hanging above their heads. “This may decide the very future of the federation! Will it be controlled by the maniacal musician Fugue or the evil Ejiro? This is like watching a death match between the Joker and Lex Luthor for Pete’s sake!”

 

At almost the same moment, both men raise their right hands up and reach for the heavy golden prize that is The SJL World Heavyweight Title. But neither man can get control as the other continuously pulls the other’s hand away. Having enough of that, Fugue buries a fist right into the face of his opponent! Falling backward, Ejiro manages to regain his balance and places one leg on both ladders as Fugue once again reaches high for the title. So with this wide-open opportunity Ejiro hits Fugue across the jaw with a punch of his own. And then another! And then another! Fugue then finally responds with a punch of his own as he readjusts his footing so he also has one foot on each of the ladders. Back and forth both men go, slamming their fists into each other with as much vile hatred as they would for any WildChild or for any Johnny Dangerous. Finally, Fugue gets the advantage, after plowing into Ejiro’s head with his fist for three uncontested occasions when a wild Fasaki makes a desperate move. Taking one of his legs from its perilous perch, Ejiro swings it up high right into the groin of Fugue as fast as he can move it. Fugue bends over at the waist as Ejiro quickly grabs him by the hair and jams his head in between Fasaki’s legs. Then, taking a double arm, the crowd stands in unison to see if what they think is coming really is! And as both men plummet to the mat from ten feet in the air, Axis has but one thing to say…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“EJIROCATION OFF THE LADDER!” shouts the play-by-play man as Ejiro drives Fugue’s head right into the canvas from the ladders, “Oh my god, I think this one is over! I think this is over!”

 

With Fugue down and unmoving on the canvas, Ejiro slowly rises up and pushes one of the ladders down and out of the way. Then taking the other ladder, Ejiro places it above the fallen body of his comrade in The Magnificent Seven as Ejiro Fasaki makes his way up, rung by rung and reaches up …

 

 

 

To make history!

 

 

 

 

AND TO BE THE SJL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Pulling the prize from it’s ring high in the air, Ejiro holds the World Title high on top of the ladder as the cage immediately begins to rise up into the air and allow both men the ability to leave the ring. But Ejiro Fasaki would rather stay and savor his victory and Fugue doesn’t appear to be going anywhere, anyway. Stepping down the ladder, Ejiro shoulders the heavy gold belt as Xanta Claus steps into the ring and announces…

 

“The WINNER OF THE MATCH! AND NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SJL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJIRO FASAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

IIIIIIIII!”

 

Stepping to the ring ropes, Ejiro Fasaki lifts the belt high as the fans give him a respectful amount of applause for that incredible victory. While in the center of the ring, Referee Eddy Long has finally managed to get Fugue up to a sitting position. Hopping off the middle rope, Ejiro wanders over to where Long and Fugue are and shoves the referee down to the canvas with a pie face.

 

“Oh man, King, what is Ejiro going to do know? He’s beaten Fugue bloody already, what can he have planned now?” questions Axis.

 

“I don’t know, Axis! With the amount of hate these men just directed at each other who knows what Fasaki will do now that the match has ended! We could be seeing the end of The Magnificent Seven in the next few seconds!”

 

Looking down at his foe for the evening, Fasaki stares into the eyes of the Musician for a long moment or two before making a decision. Here is a potential rival at his mercy. Here is a person that threw him off the top of a steel cage and then tried to crush his windpipe with a legdrop. Here is someone that can come back to haunt him at anytime. Weighing these options, Fasaki makes his decision as to what to do with Fugue.

 

 

 

 

He extends his hand!

 

 

 

 

Looking up through blood red eyes, Fugue stares at the hand of the man who has just beaten him for his precious World Title. The Musician weighs his options as he looks away for just a second with a scowl before locking his eyes onto Fasaki’s hand once again. Staring up at Ejiro, Fugue shakes his head briefly before making a call as to what to do with that outstretched arm.

 

 

 

 

 

And Fugue takes it!

 

 

 

 

 

Pulling his partner up from the canvas and to his feet, Ejiro continues to hold on tightly to the hand of Fugue as they stare deeply into each other’s souls for what seems like an eternity. Both men mentally weigh their options, as Fugue wonders if he could get his title back with one well placed injury and Fasaki contemplates removing an obstacle from his World Championship path while he has the opportunity. But both men reach a different conclusion, and both let slip the smallest of smiles with each other. And as both men raise the other’s hand into the air to the boos of the Alaskan crowd, a certain song hits the air waves…

 

“HERE WE ARE… BORN TO BE KINGS… WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE… YEAH!”

 

With their stable’s theme song playing, Fugue and Ejiro Fasaki start to share a little laugh with each other as Ejiro points to the gash in Fugue’s head as the Musician casually wipes the blood away. Together once again as a unit, the two members of The Magnificent Seven step out through the ropes together and begin to make their way down the aisle. While the people are still calling out for them to fight each other once again, The Suicide King revels in the acrimony that the Seven has displayed in the last few moments.

 

“The Magnificent Seven lives!” shouts The Suicide King with a song in his heart, “These men just put each other through hell and it was not enough to tear the team apart! Ha! What a team! What a team!”

 

“You might be right, King. These two did go through hell tonight, and maybe, just maybe are stronger for it. But you have to wonder what lengths they would go to if they were forced to do it again. Would anything stop Fugue from taking back the world title? Would Fasaki do anything he could to keep it? These are questions I’m sure we’ll have to answer one day, but until then, this has been SJL Wrath… we will see everyone in the new year with a new World Heavyweight Champion… and his name is Ejiro Fasaki.”

[Guest realitycheck]

Q n' D rizz-nults, because Z's in a hurry.

 

 

SINGLES MATCH

Mike Moran vs. Chris Card

-The newbie stomps down Moran! As a side note, we should probably point out that Edwin isn't in the fed anymore in the FAQ...

 

#1 CONTENDER TO THE SJL EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH

HELL IN AN IGLOO MATCH

-I have nary a clue, yet. So whenever I get a winning match or whatever...

 

SANTA'S SLEIGH MATCH

NON-TITLE MATCH

Janus© vs. C4

-C4 shows! But more importantly, C4 wins!

 

WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

SNOW BOWL MATCH

-Dang no-showers. None the less, Santa Flesher brings the Christmas cheer, and writes a match where Johnny gets the V. There's no sign of a certian SJL road agent in this one. Really.

 

MAIN EVENT

WORLD TITLE MATCH

CAGE LADDER MATCH

Fugue© vs. Ejiro Fasaki

-AND THE WINNER...

 

...

 

 

...what, you think I'm going to tell you?

 

And that's that for another show, and another year. This one was no-shows a go-go, however... but I'm not too upset, because I completely understand not having any time to write.

 

JLers, enjoy your time off, and I and CC will get back to sabotauging your careers and making cards that turn you into bitter, hateful humans in teh new year! Until then, have a Merry Christmas.