Promo: A Face Returning

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

The SJL logo flashes over a black screen on televisions across America, and then it fades out, and we fade in on a small set, where Ben Hardy sits on a stool. There is an empty stool next to him, and we're all quite sure that he'll explain himself... now.

 

"Hello, everyone! I'm Ben Hardy, and I'm here to present to you the debut of the newest SJL talk show, Fan Mail With Mike!"

 

The live! studio audience sucks in a breath, and Ben smiles. "That's right! I'd like to introduce to you my cohost for the next fifteen minutes of fan mail, Mike Van Siclen!"

 

The crowd pops, and Van Siclen steps out from behind a curtain and sits on the stool. His hair has been cut - it's shoulder length and black, with blonde tips. He runs a hand through it, looking at the cheering crowd.

 

I can't believe I agreed to this.

 

Hardy smiles. "Well, Mike, it's been awhile since I've seen you. How have you been?"

 

I've been training my ass off so I look good when the bookers give me a title shot.

 

"Well, Ben, I've been in Hawaii since the fifth, relaxing. Then I came home to Harrison, Illinois on Christmas Eve and celebrated Christmas with all of my friends in the Magnificent Seven."

 

The crowd boos at the mention of the stable that has come to represent evil in both the WF and JL.

 

I can't believe I agreed to this. I could be training right now.

 

"Enough chatter, eh Mike? Let's get to the point of the show, the fan mail!"

 

Wonderful.

 

"All right. I can't wait to see what my legions of fans have to say about me!"

 

The crowd gives Mike a couple of boos here, and Mike grins.

 

"Well, Mike, here's the first one." Hardy clears his throat. "'Dear Michael, I love your act in the ring! I think you're the greatest wrestler ever and think you should teach Fugue what you get when you mess with the best! You haven't looked happy lately, so I decided to send you something to cheer you up. Alexis.' Well, let's take a look at what she sent, shall we, Mike?"

 

I can't believe I agreed to this.

 

"Sure, Ben."

 

Ben calls to a stagehand. "Bring it in, Jacques!" Jacques nods to Ben and carries to Mike a large vase filled with flowers, setting it down on a table beside Mike. Mike looks at them with disdain.

 

"What kind of flowers are these?"

 

"I think they're roses."

 

Mike looks at them, growing more disgusted by the second. He stands up a bit, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out... something. His hand quickly moves over to the vase, and in seconds the flowers are in flames! Jacques charges out with a fire extinguisher, putting out the fire as Hardy screeches like Dustin Diamond.

 

"Good God, Mike, what was that for!"

 

"I'm allergic to weeds."

 

Mike eyes the vase. He stands up, and Hardy grabs his chair tightly. Van Siclen leaps into the air, giving the vase a roundhouse kick and smashing it to pieces! The crowd boos him as he sits back down, grinning toothily.

 

I'd better get a title shot for this.

 

"Wanna read me another letter, Hardy?"

 

Hardy looks at Mike with eyes as wide as hubcaps. "O-o-o-o-okay." He shuffles his note cards and reads. "'Dear Mr. Van Siclen. When will the SJL come to Vermont? I've wanted to see my favorite wrestler ever, Mike Van Siclen, perform live in person. I tried to get tickets to every one of your shows, but my parents said they wouldn't drive me. Mike, please help! Teresa.' Well, Mike? Want to help the girl out?"

 

No. I want a title shot.

 

"Well, Ben, I'll put it to you like this. If the Smarks Junior Leagues ever is to travel to Vermont..."

 

"Yes?"

 

"...I will request to be left off the show."

 

The crowd boos again, and Mike smirks.

 

When does this end... I'm gonna have a long talk with the bookers about this. I'd better get a title shot for this.

 

"Well, Mike, we only have time for one more letter."

 

Thank God.

 

"This one is from Jeff from your hometown, Harrison, Illinois. He writes, 'Dear Mike, you're a hero to everyone here in Harrison. We were just wondering when you guys are coming to Chicago so we could set up a cheering section for you. All of us in Harrison think you've been cheated out of the World title for far too long, and we'd love to see you win it here. Peace. Jeff.' Wow, Mike. When is the SJL coming to Chicago?"

 

"Why should I care about Harrison? I have a title to win, one that should have belonged to me long ago. I have victories to rack up, a record to make greater than .500. And yet, you expect me to worry about where I'm wrestling one night? Let me tell you something, Jeff from Harrison. It doesn't matter where I wrestle, it doesn't matter who I wrestle, I will go out there and win. I'll go out there and I'll climb the top rope, and I'll think... wouldn't it be cool if I were to do a backflip, pump my legs and arms, and crash right into that guy, right there?

 

And then, I'll think... why should I do that? I might get hurt, and it's not worth it to give it my all for a bunch of people who have to look up to somebody who goes out on a nightly basis and performs the most dangerous task on Earth. Can't you find a hero that doesn't try to kill himself? I'm nobody's hero. I'm a wrestler, I'm not a role model. All I am... is a wrestler. The best wrestler in the business today. The wrestler that deserves the SJL Championship. That's all I am, and someday maybe I'll grow up to be the best wrestler ever to hold that SWF Championship strap. Until that day comes, however, Ejiro Fasaki, Fugue, Johnny Dangerson, Dace Night, Arianwyn Rivenstone... you may as well walk down to that ring and lay down, because once you step between the ropes you're sealing your fate.

 

Defeat."

 

Mike glares at Hardy. "Get off my set."

 

C'est fin...

[Guest Goodear]

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm writing a open letter to Fan Mail With Mike! It's the bestest show EVAH and an open letter from Ejiro Fasaki can only make it better! BWAHAHAHA~!