A classic promo...

[Guest crusen86]

All five members of the Midnight Carnival are crammed into their golden golf cart as it swerves along the streets of Midtown Manhattan, finally pulling out on the concrete courtyard in front of FAO Schwartz, the grandest toy store in the world. King, Raynor, Spark, Edwin and Stevens are all in awe, just staring up at the huge building in front of them.

 

“This…this is the greatest thing ever,” mumbles Raynor, looking up.

 

“I’ve never seen anything like this-“

 

“Me either-“

 

“Well, gentlemen,” Edwin says, snapping them all back to attention. “There is only one thing left to do. Let’s go.”

 

They all start off in a dead sprint towards the revolving doors, crowding every slot and spinning them in circles for a good minute before Spark finally stumbles out, the other men following. They look up at the vaulted ceilings, the bustling crowds and all of the great toys. Truly something to see for the first time.

 

“Ooo, lookie!” yells Raynor as he sprints towards one of the far corners of the first floor and out of sight.

 

Edwin and Stevens both walk towards the elevator, bumping into the smaller individuals shopping as they gaze up. Spark and King are walking side by side for a few moments before something suddenly grabs King’s attention and Spark continues walking, not realizing his friend is no longer following him.

 

What caught King’s attention was a magician working at a table, performing in front of a small crowd with a few card tricks. A smile slowly crossed King’s face as he squeezed his way through right up to the table. The man looked up at him. “

 

“You son, pick a card.”

 

King lost his smile and instead got a false look of determination. “Um, gee. How about this one?” King pulled out one of the cards. The six of clubs.

 

“Now show it to everyone else except me. Go ahead everyone around.”

 

The magician closed his eyes as King showed the other few people standing around before quickly pulling the card close to his body and handing it back to the magician. “There ya go, mister.”

 

The magician seemed please, shuffling up the cards and spreading them out on the table. He looked over them with a careful eye, then pulled one out and picked it up, showing it to the crowd. The king of hearts.

 

“This it?”

 

The crowd murmured.

 

“No.”

 

The magician was obviously very confused. He surveyed the cards again, this time much more closely, then pulled another out. The king of hearts. He looked up at King.

 

“How’d you…”

 

“Lemme see the cards. Now ladies and gents, let me see if I can remember a few old tricks….”

 

-

 

Spark had wondered down into the basement floor, the kid stuff. Passing various Blue’s Clues and Barney set ups, he made his way down another set of stairs and into another place entirely. It was like heaven.

 

All around him were life size Barbie dolls wearing all sorts of skimpy clothing. His jaw dropped but he quickly shut it, remembering the experience at the night club. He just began to quickly walk through, avoiding all of the temptations around him with a voice, sweet as honey and just as smooth rang through the air.

 

“Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?”

 

He turned around and saw here. A living Barbie doll. Not really, but it could have been. One of the cashiers was dressed up in a pink restaurant attendant’s uniform, complete with hot pants, very tight shirt and Barbie visor. He just stared at her.

 

“Sir?”

 

“Oh…um, yes I think you can. You see, my wife and I are separated and this is my weekend with my daughter and I wanted to get her something very special. Maybe a little sexy?”

 

The cashier looked confused. “Sexy? For your daughter?”

 

“You know what I mean. Something skimpy, not a lot of frills. Real tight fitting.”

 

“Sir, we are talking about Barbie dolls here. You do know that?”

 

Spark nodded, jaw now officially dropped. “Oh yes, definitely. Dolls indeed.”

 

He began walking side by side with the cashier toward a display, his arm just trying to sneak around her.

 

-

 

Edwin and Stevens had made their way up to the top of the store and had begun looking around. They walked around a bit, looking at the Hot Wheels and Star Wars display before coming onto a portion of the store that was closed. Edwin peered inside.

 

“Mark, look! Look! Life-size displays! It’s like a dream!”

 

“Edwin, it’s closed. You can’t go in there.”

 

Edwin gave Mark the look of a life-long mischief-maker. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them….”

 

“No, no never. Edwin….Edwin, stop it now.”

 

It was too late as Edwin had hopped the “DO NOT ENTER” sign and was venturing deeper into the exhibit. Stevens just shook his head.

 

“Why? Why do I do this?” He shook his head again before turning and heading off into his own section of the store. The crowd seemed to be dispersing to somewhere, but he wasn’t quite sure to where exactly. At least he didn’t have to dodge toddlers and prepubescent teens.

 

He slowly came on to the stuffed animal section. Preparing to dismiss it and walk by, his eye was caught by a huge stuffed bison. Stevens just stood in admiration of the large creature and his interest now more than piqued, went into the section. “This is the coolest thing ever,” he said to himself, flashing back to his childhood.

 

-

 

Chris Raynor had found exactly what he was looking for. Tyco 4x4 Turbocharged 9.6 volt Sidewinder Python XL with chrome wheels and Rollover prevention. Heaven in a box. He quickly unpacked said box and grabbed the battery from what the weak exhibit 9.6 cars and plugged it in before grabbing the remote control and sitting the car down on the ground, flicking the on switch.

 

It hummed to life as he started to drive it around. Forward, then back quickly, then turning to the right. Then the left. It handled like a dream. If he sold the golf cart…no..No! He couldn’t. It would crush the rest of the Carnival. But then again, once they saw this they wouldn’t care. Seriously, it squirted water! Squirted water! From an RC Car!

 

Suddenly Raynor’s defenses flared up as a remote control plane buzzed down past his ear in a diving run. His head snapped up, looking for the offended. Evil Inc or Wilson. Damn both of them. He sent his car out to explore, looking for the culprit. Suddenly another plane jetted by, followed by another. He was under attack by remote control planes.

 

He quickly rolled into a crouch and grabbed a set of walkie-talkies from a display directly to his left. He tore it open and began to talk into it.

 

“Rogue One, this is Yellow Five. I am under aerial attack and can’t get the enemy’s forty. Over.”

 

He changed his voice, into a deeper, authorative tone.

 

“Yellow Five, this is Rogue Leader, we see the bogeys and are in pursuit. Keep up evasive maneuvering.”

 

Oh and he would. The XL skittered around a stack of Furby boxes before being divebombed by a plane. Raynor let out a yell as one of the bastard kamikaze bombers hit his XL, tumbling it over. Then he saw the tops of the very identifiable plane remote control antennae. Behind a stack of boxes. He flipped his car over, wondering why the Rollover prevention didn’t work and quickly came around the stack of boxes, letting out a war cry.

 

The three ten-year old boys manning the controls would probably need therapy for the rest of their lives as they screamed in horror and dropped remote controls, the remaining two planes dropping to the ground. One of them yelled out “Sorry! We were just playing!” while running towards the crowd of people assembling towards the front of the store. Hey, in fact the whole store was pretty much empty. What in the world was going on?

 

-

 

“Okay, now this one we call “The Jack Wanted to Prove He Wasn’t a Queen, So He Punked Out the King.” Now pay close attention. Son, would you like to cut the cards?”

 

The King of Hearts was now on top of the magician’s table, directing his voice out into the crowd with a booming voice. A man in the front row cut his cards as the King looked out over the group of nearly a hundred and fifty people blocking the entire entryway watching his act.

 

Ah, it was good to be King.

 

-

 

Spark had to think fast. They were quickly running out of displays and he still hadn’t made any progress with the cashier.

 

“Well, sir, does your daughter like Baywatch at all?”

 

“Daughter? Oh yes, my daughter…no, not really. But her old man does. You’ve got quite a figure there yourself. You’d sure look nice in a bikini-“

 

SLAP!

 

“You jerk-off! Get away from me, pervert!”

 

The woman turned and stormed away as Spark rubbed his jaw, trying to get some feeling back into it.

 

Hey, at least it wasn’t a cement wall. Making progress.

 

-

 

Stevens walked farther into the stuffed animal section, seeing a massive stuffed gorilla in the center of the far wall surrounded by smaller primates and jungle critters. He quickly jogged over. It was one of the interactive toys and said “Push Me” across its expansive chest.

 

Complying, Stevens put his shoulder into it and pushed that bugger in.

 

“ROAR!” yelled the gorilla, it’s arms waving in the air. Stevens was impressed. Very. He quickly looked at the price tag.

 

$30,000. Wow. Then again, if he sold the golf cart….They wouldn’t mind that much would they? No, no. How could he think that? It was like betraying the Carnival.

 

Stevens decided to have his fun, pushing the large sign one more time.

 

“ROAR!” yelled the gorilla again, this times it arms coming around in a big bear hug around Stevens. He let out a laugh as the soft arms started rubbing against his back. This was pretty nifty. But the arms kept squeezing, wrapping around him. He tried to fight back, but it began to crush him. Only one thought came across his mind: He had to get out somehow. Well, actually two. The second was not really a thought, but a name:

 

Wilson.

 

-

 

Edwin was in disbelief yet again. He passed up a large Jabba the Hutt set up before being further impressed by a GI Joe/COBRA war in the middle of the jungle with a life-size King Cobra leading the charge on top of a 15 foot tall tank. He whistled as he continued through the exhibit.

 

Little Mermaid. Hot Wheels. Blues Clues. Then he stopped dead. Right in front of him, two huge Rock Em’ Robots.

 

“Well color me tickled,” started Edwin, trailing off as he paid no attention to what he was saying.

 

Suddenly, the red robot swung around and took a jab at Edwin with his gloved hand. Edwin side stepped and rounded to the other side of the blue. Behind the head of his attacker, a second popped up. This one very human and very evil. Chris Wilson had come to play.

 

“Hello Edwin!” he greeted cheerfully. “Up for a game of Rock Em’ Robots?”

 

Edwin rubbed his throat in remembrance as he pulled himself up onto the blue robot and tried to figure out the rather complicated controls. This wasn’t your father’s boxing game.

 

“Good day, Wilson. Glad to see you made it to New York without too many difficulties. Enjoy your morning meal of Oscar Meyer?”

 

Wilson let out a laugh, jabbing out with lefts and rights. Edwin managed to block them, wheeling his robot back towards the entrance as he fought. “Oh, it was fine with me after the initial ‘I want to kill you’ rage. Can’t say the same for Thugg, however. He was not very pleased being dressed up as everyone’s favorite dinosaur.”

 

Edwin blocked another flurry of blows. “I see. Anything particular you wanted to chat about?”

 

Wilson tried to catch Edwin’s bot with an uppercut, but had to settle for a pair of body jabs as Edwin protected his chin. “No, just the usual. Me destroying you. Taking your title. Bloodying your friends, burning down the Carnival….the usual.”

 

“You realize there isn’t really a Carnival?” Edwin blocked another pair of jabs before taking the offensive, coming across Wilson’s robots face with a right cross. “But my friends are waiting on me, so I do believe I should be going.”

 

“Nonsense,” replied Wilson, feverishly trying to block the punches. “We’re having such a grand time-“

 

BOING!

 

Wilson’s robots head popped up and Edwin let out a triumphant cry. “Well my good friend, I must be going. It’s been fun, but ta ta.”

 

Edwin had himself positioned between Wilson and the exit and he quickly hopped off the of robot and jogged quickly towards the door. Right past the Jabba’s Palace set up. Well, he didn’t actually make it past it as the life-size Boba Fett swung its rifle around caught him square in the head. He dropped to the ground, the side of his face cut open. The gun soon hit the ground as Reece Black pulled the helmet off. Wilson walked up and whistled appreciatively.

 

“He always was the best character. Did you bring the rest of the stuff?”

 

Reece gave him a “What, you think I’m an idiot?” smile as he pulled off the torso armor. “Of course. Right over here.”

 

“Fine then, lets get to work.” He glanced at his watch. “The limo should be pulled around to the fire door in a few minutes….”

 

-

 

Spark and Raynor had met up at the top of the steps where Raynor was desperately pleading with a soccer mom on why her son was running in fear across the store after playing with the RC airplanes. Eventually after a few phony “Grand Slam” autographs, they were off scott-free and began to look for their friends. It didn’t take them long to find King, as he still held the attention of a captivated crowd, which was now giving him a loud ovation.

 

Spark and Raynor looked at each other before wading through the crowd. It took a minute or so, but they made their way to King. Spark looked up at him, side of his face still red.

 

“Are you ready to go?”

 

King looked down. “What happened to you?”

 

“Never mind. Have you seen Edwin or Mark?”

 

The crowd began to get ill-tempered with the interruption in their show, yelling obscenities at the large men blocking their view.

 

“No, I haven’t-“

 

“FIRE!”

 

The whole crowd turned to see smoke drifting down over the top of the escalators. All three Carnival members look at each other and immediately began moving towards the escalators. A few workers began to try crowd control.

 

“Everyone please move safely to the exits. No pushing or running please. Everything will be okay.”

 

One of them tried to stop Raynor. “Sir, we’d like to ask you to evacuate the premises.”

 

“Thanks for the compassion, but we have to help our friends. I think they’re still up there.”

 

“Our staff up there will make sure they get out just fine. Just-“

 

They were already gone, nearly in a dead sprint towards the escalators, climbing a few stairs at a time. They split up at the top yelling out for Edwin or Mark.

 

“I’m right here.”

 

All three turned to see a out of breath Mark Stevens walking towards them, carrying what looked like a jungle spear and covered in stuffing and black fur. He saw their wondering glances.

 

“Long story. Where’s Edwin?”

 

“We thought he was with you.”

 

“He went off on his own….oh no.”

 

The darkest of smoke was coming from an area thankfully marked “DO NOT ENTER”, where no patrons would be. But the Midnight Carnival knew exactly where Edwin was.

They wasted no time hopping the barricade, trying to keep the smoke out of their lungs.

 

“Edwin….Edwin, where are you?”

 

“Yo, Edwin. Not the time to be fooling around.”

 

They looked around desperately, trying to find the fifth and final member. Spark, seemingly attracted to the large Ariel, checked the “Little Mermaid” exhibit. And a good thing he did as he heard the pounding. He looked around a moment before looking down and seeing a large, thick plastic treasure chest.

 

“Edwin?”

 

“In here Sparky,” a muffled voice cried. “Get me out of here.”

 

“GUYS! Over here!”

 

The other members rushed over, trying to pry the chest open. No luck. Stevens looked up, his eyes beginning to turn red from the smoke.

 

“The bastard melted the chest shut. We need something to bust in.”

 

King began to desperately pound, leaping off of the Ursula to the top of the chest, but it was high quality plastic and it only gave a bit before bouncing him back off. He cursed. Spark ran back over, empty-handed and shaking his head. Stevens looked up to see Chris Raynor running towards them with something in his hand.

 

A M-16 assualt rifle.

 

“Chris, what are you doing?”

 

Raynor looked down at the rifle, then back up at his friends. “Guys, its die cast from the GI Joe exhibit. Now back off.” He directed his voice back to the chest. “Edwin, get to the bottom of the chest. Keep those lanky arms of yours down.”

 

“Right on, Raynor. Did I ever tell you I loved you?”

 

Edwin tried to sound cheerful, but the truth was his voice was getting weaker as Raynor raised the rifle high and pounded the sharpened barrel through the lid. He struck again and again, trying to widen a gap for Edwin to get out. He eventually got it large enough and with the help of his fellow Carnival-goers, was pulled out of the chest. The entire side of his face was covered with blood.

 

“I’m fine, I’m find. Let’s get out of here.”

 

-

 

Wilson and Reece crawled into the back of the limo and Wilson immediately pulled out his cell phone. “Thugg, did they come out yet?”

 

A brief pause, then response. “No. Not any of them.”

 

“Perfect.” Wilson smiled to himself as he toyed with a small piece of metal he just pulled out of his jacket pocket. He kept it firmly in his hand then punched the red button on top. An explosion burst from the sides of the second floor of FAO Schwartz. Wilson looked up at the Midnight Carnival’s burning funeral pyre with a satisfied look on his face before pulling cell phone back up.

 

“Thugg, we’ll be around in a moment. Operation a success.”

 

-

 

They had barely made it to the escalator when the explosion rocked the foundation of the toy store. The heat was almost unbearable as the five men quickly hurried down two non-functioning elevators. As they neared the bottom, the force started to unfasten the escalators from the wall, the large pieces of metal swaying unsteadily.

 

“RUN!” commanded Stevens and all five men broke out into their fastest strides possible as they headed towards the glass doors at the far end of the store. Another explosion went off behind them, encompassing the escalators and stairways. A few more feet and they’d be home free….

 

With one final lunge, they dove through the front glass of FAO Schwartz with all the theatrics you would expect from the Midnight Carnival. Just as they rolled clear of the building, multiple concussive blasts shattered the glass and put the rest of the store into flames as a crowd began to gather, staring up at the once invincible looking toy store.

 

Edwin let out a cough as he touched the blood streaming down the side of his head. The rest of the Carnival looked no better now. Their faces blackened, glass from the windo pain puncturing their skin. Edwin had just slowly stood up when a young man with a brief case approached him.

 

“Are you Edwin MacPhisto?”

 

Cough. “Yes, why?”

 

The young man pulled something out of the briefcase and shoved it into Edwin’s hand before scampering off. Edwin looked down at it.

 

A pair of Foakleys, with a piece of paper wrapped around the lenses. Edwin unwrapped it and looked at the writing on the one side. In ink pen, blots and all, was written in tight cursive:

 

 

 

“And you thought this was a game? Games are for children, as well as toys. I think you understand that I am very serious. Happy Carnivaling.

 

-Chris Wilson”

[Guest Christian_Fury]

Now that was a classic promo, worthy of being salvaged... Millions of people were never so affected by one incident... Well, they would've been, had it happened in real life... But anyway...

 

*Walks off*

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Wow...that's pretty much what I heard it was.

 

*goes to blow up a hospital*

[Guest Zero_Cool]

piece of shit then, and a piece of shit now...now when Wilson got jiggy with a 500 pound woman, like 230 kgs for you metric system fuckers that was classic...we should post that one