Guest FeArHaVoC Report post Posted January 14, 2003 411 is down, can someone please post it for me? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kane3212321 Report post Posted January 14, 2003 I can't get to it either, so don't worry your not alone. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JasonX 0 Report post Posted January 14, 2003 411 is down, can someone please post it for me? The SmarK RAW Rant - January 13, 2003 - It's FULL COURT PRESS time on the book hype, as it's coming out next week and I'll have an advance copy in my hands by this time tomorrow. If you want a review copy for yourself or anyone else you know, drop a mailing address to [email protected] and he'll get you one right away. Anyone who has a column on the 'net or even wants to post a message to a board is welcome, the more the merrier! Hell, write a column and send it to me and I'LL post it for you. The book is released NEXT WEEK, so tell your friends! - Oh, and here's a little tidbit I got from a reader in Stamford, from the Advocate... "Scene . . . Greenwich resident and WWE's Triple H, aka Hunter Hearst Helmsley, at Moonstruck, former site of the Coffee Tree on Greenwich Avenue in Greenwich, during Christmas week. The Grand Slam Champion and King of the Ring and the Royal Rumble reportedly has broken up with Stephanie McMahon, Smackdown's general manager and the beautiful daughter of WWE's creator Vince McMahon." Take that with as many grains of salt as need be. Here's the original article: http://www.stamfordadvocate.com/news/colum...,5826021.column - Live from Mohegan Sun. - Your hosts are JR & King. - Opening match, Women's title: Victoria v. Jackie v. Trish. This is hardcore rules, and Victoria gets dumped early, but recovers to get Trish from behind. Trish comes back with a kendo stick and hammers away, but Jackie uses the ALUMINUM CAN LID OF DEATH to turn the tide. Moonsault misses (boy, THAT move sure got exposed on Tough Enough) and Jackie rolls her up for two. Small package gets two as Jackie's portions of the match actively kill the crowd. Wow, that's insanely negative heat. Richards hits Trish with the lid to give Victoria the pin at 2:28. Victoria & Stevie do the heel beatdown on the girls afterwards. DUD Hurricane makes the save. I care about none of this. - Meanwhile, the Dudleyz attack Uncle Eric & Queef Morley, so Eric FIRES them, but then changes his mind and suspends them to keep them from jumping to Smackdown. I feel my IQ dropping just watching this stuff. - Maven & Test v. D-Lo Brown & Chris Nowinski. Test takes on both heels alone, but gets clotheslined by D-Lo. Man, D-Lo's gangbanger phase didn't last long. And here I was ready to make Kenny Wangler jokes and everything. Maven & Test double-team Nowinski for two. Maven gets his dropkicks for two. Cheapshot turns the tide, after a few tries at it, and Nowinski gets a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER. I guess it's more of an UNDERCARD SPINEBUSTER, but that's not as funny. D-Lo gets two. Nowinski keeps him down and they double-team with a clothesline. D-Lo goes to an armbar in lieu of a chinlock, but this crowd is beyond saving at this point. Hot tag Test and he gets sideslams agogo, but Nowinski saves D- Lo, only to fall victim to the newly-named "Test Drive". It took them three months to come up with THAT name? Test gets dumped and D-Lo hits Maven with the Sky High, but apparently this is the one time in the past 20 years when the ref cares who's legal, and he won't count. Big foot finishes for Test at 5:43. Nowinski and Maven are starting to become a serious drag on the in-ring quality - they need to get off TV until they're ready again. 1/2* - During the break, Mean Gene arrives in a limo. He hypes the RAW X show tomorrow and gets an insider jab at Eric for the 10 people left who remember Nitro. Jericho steps in and requests #1 in the Rumble, but Eric won't let him. He has no decision yet, and that's FINAL. Okay. Plus, he's too busy standing around waiting for Vince. - Meanwhile, Regal trashes Lawler's book. What a cad. And hey, if you want to trash MY book, it's out next week! - William Regal v. Jerry Lawler. Regal gives us a reading from Lawler's book to begin. Well, thank god they took the tag titles off Booker & Goldust to bring us THIS. The referees check Regal and find his brass knux, and Storm is a victim of Big Brother as well. Free dumb gimmick idea for the creative team: Have Regal beat Lawler and upgrade from a Lord to a King, and Lance can be Sir Lancelot. THEY'LL MAKE MILLIONS! Lawler hits Regal with a chain, but the ref DQs him at 1:35, all of which was the refs checking Regal. I like Memphis booking, but my tolerance for it in the 21st century only extends so far, especially when they can't even let the babyface get the upset win. Here's a great post on the OtherArena board detailing why it was so poorly done -- http://www.otherarena.com/cgi/post.cgi?85992&1&4&wwe DUD - Jeff Hardy v. Raven. HOLY HAIRCUT, BATMAN. Raven has short hair and TIGHTS now. This is apparently for the 15th spot in the Rumble on Sunday. I wasn't aware we had the other 14 yet. They exchange rollups to start and Jeff dumps Raven, and heads back in, but gets posted as a result. Gotta say, Scott Levy is looking pretty badass with the new look. Jeff misses a moonsault and Raven gets two. He goes for the leg and uses a spinning toehold (what is this, a wrestling show?), but Jeff mule kicks out of it and makes the comeback with the usual. Note from Jeff's website - his stupid legdrop is called the Compactor, which I will promptly ignore. Raven's DDT is blocked by Jeff, who falls off the ropes in what was either great psychology or a ludicrously blown spot, and the crowd starts the boring chants. Jeff hits, in theory, the swanton for the pin at 4:04, despite missing by a foot. Or actually, to be more accurate, hitting Raven's foot. This was a total disaster thanks to the deteriorating Jeff, despite Raven making a nearly superhuman effort to hold it together. DUD - Meanwhile, Vince is here, and he greets Randy Orton with a pat on the (94%) shoulder, which he sells. Randy is awesome. - Sean O' Haire video package, as he's apparently a gigolo. And a gigolo with REALLY good production values, too. Well, I'm a big fan, so if it gets him onto RAW, fine by me. And once again, the video packages are the best thing done by this crew, because they all come from TV backgrounds. They REALLY need to start doing more of these, because that's how you get characters over. It costs basically nothing and you immediately get a guy over without even having him wrestle. - Vince joins us for an announcement. But the Dudley Boyz interrupt before he can get anywhere and whine about being suspended and what an idiot Bischoff is. Vince overturns the suspension (thus setting a new record for suspensions at less than a hour) and gives them a title shot at the Rumble. Whoopee. So they leave and Vince continues, but Jericho interrupts now, pleading his case for the #1 slot. Hasn't anyone in this promotion ever heard of the chain of command? No wonder backstage is such a mess. So Vince gives the winner of the "over the top rope challenge" later tonight the change to choose any number they want. Except #1 - which Shawn Michaels has already taken. 1 and 2 are the same thing anyway, so it's not like that matters. Bischoff interrupts next, but Vince bitches him out and wants to continue hyping the RAW 10th anniversary special. It's job evaluation time for Bischoff, so he asks the crowd. Man, last time he did that, Buff Bagwell got a job out of it. Vince hired Bischoff to revolutionize RAW and spit up phlegm or something, and he hasn't done that. Crowd cares so much that they start with the What stuff. So Eric now has 30 days to turn RAW around. I always love segments where they talk about how much the show sucks and emasculate the talent. I guess this is gonna be reboot #10 or so since last year. - Meanwhile, Bischoff pleads his case, but Vince has a replacement waiting - Shane O Mac. You know THAT'S coming eventually. I'm just shocked they didn't do it sooner. - Booker T v. Lance Storm. Booker overpowers him to start and blocks a hiptoss with a clothesline. Kneedrop gets two. Rollup gets two, but Storm rolls through into the Sharpshooter, which Booker escapes. Storm chops away, but gets flapjacked and sidekicked for two. JR notes we're looking at our watch thinking about the bench press challenge tonight. I'm looking at my watch, but it's to check if it's still WORKING. Storm whips him into the corner for two. Crowd is comatose. Backbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock, but Booker makes the comeback. Seriously, has my watch stopped or is this show that boring? Sidekick misses and the ref ducks in time, but Booker gets tripped up. The Dudleyz hit the ring for the DQ at 5:23. What a terrible finish. 3/4* And seriously, why are the stale Dudleyz getting the title shot? - The Hurricane v. Stevie Richards. So the first match was used to set up a Heat match between a couple of jobbers? Stevie goes for a suplex, but Hurricane reverses. Stevie pounds on him, but Hurricane comes back with a couple of clotheslines and an Edge-O-Matic for two. Stevie misses a blind charge and the Buff Blockbuster results for Hurricane. Eye of the Hurricane gets the pin at 1:27. Gotta save time that exciting HHH-Steiner bench press challenge. Yeah, I care. 1/4* Trish will apparently get another crack at that title somewhere down the road. You think they maybe need more challengers? - Nathan Jones promo. Again, great stuff. - Royal Rumble rundown: - HHH v. Steiner - Brock v. Show - Dawn v. Torrie - Regal/Storm v. Dudleyz - Angle v. Benoit - Rumble match, and we actually have 15 guys in the video for RAW. Basically 5 midcarders and a bunch of scrubs. - BENCH PRESS CHALLENGE. I'm hoping for Warlord to run in and drop a weight on HHH's face like he did to Animal in 1988. Steiner's tired of all the games, though. Amen. So we start the bar at 585, which is probably how many CCs of HGH these guys go through per day, but HHH (in a suit) heads to the ring instead of the bench press area. He doesn't give a crap about any of this stuff (much like the audience) and admits that he's just been playing games with Steiner. So they spent time and money setting up the weightlifting set just to do a boring HHH interview instead? Notice how HHH is the only guy allowed to say "Rock" and "Austin" in his interviews, and moreso allowed to bury them. Steiner wants to kick HHH's ass instead of lifting weights, so we get a quick skirmish and Steiner strips HHH down to his skimpy underwear. Yeah, this is so totally not gay. Maybe HHH dumped Stephanie for Steiner. HHH bumps all over, and this gave me NO hope for the match on Sunday. And the crowd was dead silent for all of this. Steiner is so doing the job. Here's a fun exercise for the match on Sunday: After everything JR & King say on commentary about the HHH-Steiner match, add "...in bed!" If I remember, I'll try it out in the rant. - Over the Top Challenge: Rob Van Dam v. Kane v. Batista v. Chris Jericho. One of these things is not as over as the others. History has once again been revised - apparently Shawn won the Rumble in 1995 and then went on to win the title at Wrestlemania XI, instead of a year later at Wrestlemania XII. Historians take note. Kane and RVD work over Batista and try to get him out, but that's Unlikely, even for the Unlikely Duo. It's truly a preview of the Rumble - people laying around on the top rope and flailing their arms and legs. Jericho and Batista work over Kane, but RVD saves. More people standing around and punching. This match is flaming ratings death from above. Kane & RVD hold off the heels and give Batista something resembling Total Elimination, but it's neither total nor an elimination, so really that's not an apropos name. Jericho dumps RVD, but he hangs on and comes back with a missile dropkick. Rolling Thunder for Jericho and Batista spears Kane. I guess someone must have yelled "WWF" because something gets bleeped. Batista clotheslines Kane out, but Jericho goes for the quick elimination on him in turn. That backfires, as Batista gives him the SITOUT POWERBOMB OF DOOM, but gets kicked out by Rob. Jericho pushes RVD out after a botched fall from the top rope at 6:32. This was sloppy as all hell. DUD Jericho takes #2. Shawn earns his pay for the week by running out and dumping Jericho. Whoopee fuck. We end about 2 minutes past the hour, and thank god because I couldn't take a 15 minute overrun with this show. The Bottom Line: To use one of my favorite summations for shows such as these, I could have eaten alphabet soup and shit a better show than this. Just brutally awful on several levels, with no matches even APPROACHING "decent", let alone good, or matches hyped that people want to see, and a preview of the Rumble match that may actually scare people off. And they hyped the bench press challenge for two hours without delivering jackshit, unless you're Sean Shannon. And the crowd sucked, too. It's like the grand slam of shittiness. Save your money on the Rumble and buy my book instead! How's THAT for a plug? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest tank_abbott Report post Posted January 14, 2003 The SmarK RAW Rant - January 13, 2003 - It's FULL COURT PRESS time on the book hype, as it's coming out next week and I'll have an advance copy in my hands by this time tomorrow. If you want a review copy for yourself or anyone else you know, drop a mailing address to [email protected] and he'll get you one right away. Anyone who has a column on the 'net or even wants to post a message to a board is welcome, the more the merrier! Hell, write a column and send it to me and I'LL post it for you. The book is released NEXT WEEK, so tell your friends! - Oh, and here's a little tidbit I got from a reader in Stamford, from the Advocate... "Scene . . . Greenwich resident and WWE's Triple H, aka Hunter Hearst Helmsley, at Moonstruck, former site of the Coffee Tree on Greenwich Avenue in Greenwich, during Christmas week. The Grand Slam Champion and King of the Ring and the Royal Rumble reportedly has broken up with Stephanie McMahon, Smackdown's general manager and the beautiful daughter of WWE's creator Vince McMahon." Take that with as many grains of salt as need be. Here's the original article: http://www.stamfordadvocate.com/news/colum...umnists/scn-sa- costaregni1.11jan11,0,5826021.column - Live from Mohegan Sun. - Your hosts are JR & King. - Opening match, Women's title: Victoria v. Jackie v. Trish. This is hardcore rules, and Victoria gets dumped early, but recovers to get Trish from behind. Trish comes back with a kendo stick and hammers away, but Jackie uses the ALUMINUM CAN LID OF DEATH to turn the tide. Moonsault misses (boy, THAT move sure got exposed on Tough Enough) and Jackie rolls her up for two. Small package gets two as Jackie's portions of the match actively kill the crowd. Wow, that's insanely negative heat. Richards hits Trish with the lid to give Victoria the pin at 2:28. Victoria & Stevie do the heel beatdown on the girls afterwards. DUD Hurricane makes the save. I care about none of this. - Meanwhile, the Dudleyz attack Uncle Eric & Queef Morley, so Eric FIRES them, but then changes his mind and suspends them to keep them from jumping to Smackdown. I feel my IQ dropping just watching this stuff. - Maven & Test v. D-Lo Brown & Chris Nowinski. Test takes on both heels alone, but gets clotheslined by D-Lo. Man, D-Lo's gangbanger phase didn't last long. And here I was ready to make Kenny Wangler jokes and everything. Maven & Test double-team Nowinski for two. Maven gets his dropkicks for two. Cheapshot turns the tide, after a few tries at it, and Nowinski gets a MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER. I guess it's more of an UNDERCARD SPINEBUSTER, but that's not as funny. D-Lo gets two. Nowinski keeps him down and they double-team with a clothesline. D-Lo goes to an armbar in lieu of a chinlock, but this crowd is beyond saving at this point. Hot tag Test and he gets sideslams agogo, but Nowinski saves D- Lo, only to fall victim to the newly-named "Test Drive". It took them three months to come up with THAT name? Test gets dumped and D-Lo hits Maven with the Sky High, but apparently this is the one time in the past 20 years when the ref cares who's legal, and he won't count. Big foot finishes for Test at 5:43. Nowinski and Maven are starting to become a serious drag on the in-ring quality - they need to get off TV until they're ready again. 1/2* - During the break, Mean Gene arrives in a limo. He hypes the RAW X show tomorrow and gets an insider jab at Eric for the 10 people left who remember Nitro. Jericho steps in and requests #1 in the Rumble, but Eric won't let him. He has no decision yet, and that's FINAL. Okay. Plus, he's too busy standing around waiting for Vince. - Meanwhile, Regal trashes Lawler's book. What a cad. And hey, if you want to trash MY book, it's out next week! - William Regal v. Jerry Lawler. Regal gives us a reading from Lawler's book to begin. Well, thank god they took the tag titles off Booker & Goldust to bring us THIS. The referees check Regal and find his brass knux, and Storm is a victim of Big Brother as well. Free dumb gimmick idea for the creative team: Have Regal beat Lawler and upgrade from a Lord to a King, and Lance can be Sir Lancelot. THEY'LL MAKE MILLIONS! Lawler hits Regal with a chain, but the ref DQs him at 1:35, all of which was the refs checking Regal. I like Memphis booking, but my tolerance for it in the 21st century only extends so far, especially when they can't even let the babyface get the upset win. Here's a great post on the OtherArena board detailing why it was so poorly done -- http://www.otherarena.com/cgi/post.cgi?85992&1&4&wwe DUD - Jeff Hardy v. Raven. HOLY HAIRCUT, BATMAN. Raven has short hair and TIGHTS now. This is apparently for the 15th spot in the Rumble on Sunday. I wasn't aware we had the other 14 yet. They exchange rollups to start and Jeff dumps Raven, and heads back in, but gets posted as a result. Gotta say, Scott Levy is looking pretty badass with the new look. Jeff misses a moonsault and Raven gets two. He goes for the leg and uses a spinning toehold (what is this, a wrestling show?), but Jeff mule kicks out of it and makes the comeback with the usual. Note from Jeff's website - his stupid legdrop is called the Compactor, which I will promptly ignore. Raven's DDT is blocked by Jeff, who falls off the ropes in what was either great psychology or a ludicrously blown spot, and the crowd starts the boring chants. Jeff hits, in theory, the swanton for the pin at 4:04, despite missing by a foot. Or actually, to be more accurate, hitting Raven's foot. This was a total disaster thanks to the deteriorating Jeff, despite Raven making a nearly superhuman effort to hold it together. DUD - Meanwhile, Vince is here, and he greets Randy Orton with a pat on the (94%) shoulder, which he sells. Randy is awesome. - Sean O' Haire video package, as he's apparently a gigolo. And a gigolo with REALLY good production values, too. Well, I'm a big fan, so if it gets him onto RAW, fine by me. And once again, the video packages are the best thing done by this crew, because they all come from TV backgrounds. They REALLY need to start doing more of these, because that's how you get characters over. It costs basically nothing and you immediately get a guy over without even having him wrestle. - Vince joins us for an announcement. But the Dudley Boyz interrupt before he can get anywhere and whine about being suspended and what an idiot Bischoff is. Vince overturns the suspension (thus setting a new record for suspensions at less than a hour) and gives them a title shot at the Rumble. Whoopee. So they leave and Vince continues, but Jericho interrupts now, pleading his case for the #1 slot. Hasn't anyone in this promotion ever heard of the chain of command? No wonder backstage is such a mess. So Vince gives the winner of the "over the top rope challenge" later tonight the change to choose any number they want. Except #1 - which Shawn Michaels has already taken. 1 and 2 are the same thing anyway, so it's not like that matters. Bischoff interrupts next, but Vince bitches him out and wants to continue hyping the RAW 10th anniversary special. It's job evaluation time for Bischoff, so he asks the crowd. Man, last time he did that, Buff Bagwell got a job out of it. Vince hired Bischoff to revolutionize RAW and spit up phlegm or something, and he hasn't done that. Crowd cares so much that they start with the What stuff. So Eric now has 30 days to turn RAW around. I always love segments where they talk about how much the show sucks and emasculate the talent. I guess this is gonna be reboot #10 or so since last year. - Meanwhile, Bischoff pleads his case, but Vince has a replacement waiting - Shane O Mac. You know THAT'S coming eventually. I'm just shocked they didn't do it sooner. - Booker T v. Lance Storm. Booker overpowers him to start and blocks a hiptoss with a clothesline. Kneedrop gets two. Rollup gets two, but Storm rolls through into the Sharpshooter, which Booker escapes. Storm chops away, but gets flapjacked and sidekicked for two. JR notes we're looking at our watch thinking about the bench press challenge tonight. I'm looking at my watch, but it's to check if it's still WORKING. Storm whips him into the corner for two. Crowd is comatose. Backbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock, but Booker makes the comeback. Seriously, has my watch stopped or is this show that boring? Sidekick misses and the ref ducks in time, but Booker gets tripped up. The Dudleyz hit the ring for the DQ at 5:23. What a terrible finish. 3/4* And seriously, why are the stale Dudleyz getting the title shot? - The Hurricane v. Stevie Richards. So the first match was used to set up a Heat match between a couple of jobbers? Stevie goes for a suplex, but Hurricane reverses. Stevie pounds on him, but Hurricane comes back with a couple of clotheslines and an Edge-O-Matic for two. Stevie misses a blind charge and the Buff Blockbuster results for Hurricane. Eye of the Hurricane gets the pin at 1:27. Gotta save time that exciting HHH-Steiner bench press challenge. Yeah, I care. 1/4* Trish will apparently get another crack at that title somewhere down the road. You think they maybe need more challengers? - Nathan Jones promo. Again, great stuff. - Royal Rumble rundown: - HHH v. Steiner - Brock v. Show - Dawn v. Torrie - Regal/Storm v. Dudleyz - Angle v. Benoit - Rumble match, and we actually have 15 guys in the video for RAW. Basically 5 midcarders and a bunch of scrubs. - BENCH PRESS CHALLENGE. I'm hoping for Warlord to run in and drop a weight on HHH's face like he did to Animal in 1988. Steiner's tired of all the games, though. Amen. So we start the bar at 585, which is probably how many CCs of HGH these guys go through per day, but HHH (in a suit) heads to the ring instead of the bench press area. He doesn't give a crap about any of this stuff (much like the audience) and admits that he's just been playing games with Steiner. So they spent time and money setting up the weightlifting set just to do a boring HHH interview instead? Notice how HHH is the only guy allowed to say "Rock" and "Austin" in his interviews, and moreso allowed to bury them. Steiner wants to kick HHH's ass instead of lifting weights, so we get a quick skirmish and Steiner strips HHH down to his skimpy underwear. Yeah, this is so totally not gay. Maybe HHH dumped Stephanie for Steiner. HHH bumps all over, and this gave me NO hope for the match on Sunday. And the crowd was dead silent for all of this. Steiner is so doing the job. Here's a fun exercise for the match on Sunday: After everything JR & King say on commentary about the HHH-Steiner match, add "...in bed!" If I remember, I'll try it out in the rant. - Over the Top Challenge: Rob Van Dam v. Kane v. Batista v. Chris Jericho. One of these things is not as over as the others. History has once again been revised - apparently Shawn won the Rumble in 1995 and then went on to win the title at Wrestlemania XI, instead of a year later at Wrestlemania XII. Historians take note. Kane and RVD work over Batista and try to get him out, but that's Unlikely, even for the Unlikely Duo. It's truly a preview of the Rumble - people laying around on the top rope and flailing their arms and legs. Jericho and Batista work over Kane, but RVD saves. More people standing around and punching. This match is flaming ratings death from above. Kane & RVD hold off the heels and give Batista something resembling Total Elimination, but it's neither total nor an elimination, so really that's not an apropos name. Jericho dumps RVD, but he hangs on and comes back with a missile dropkick. Rolling Thunder for Jericho and Batista spears Kane. I guess someone must have yelled "WWF" because something gets bleeped. Batista clotheslines Kane out, but Jericho goes for the quick elimination on him in turn. That backfires, as Batista gives him the SITOUT POWERBOMB OF DOOM, but gets kicked out by Rob. Jericho pushes RVD out after a botched fall from the top rope at 6:32. This was sloppy as all hell. DUD Jericho takes #2. Shawn earns his pay for the week by running out and dumping Jericho. Whoopee fuck. We end about 2 minutes past the hour, and thank god because I couldn't take a 15 minute overrun with this show. The Bottom Line: To use one of my favorite summations for shows such as these, I could have eaten alphabet soup and shit a better show than this. Just brutally awful on several levels, with no matches even APPROACHING "decent", let alone good, or matches hyped that people want to see, and a preview of the Rumble match that may actually scare people off. And they hyped the bench press challenge for two hours without delivering jackshit, unless you're Sean Shannon. And the crowd sucked, too. It's like the grand slam of shittiness. Save your money on the Rumble and buy my book instead! How's THAT for a plug? To unsubscribe, go to www.coollist.com and sign into the "smarkrants" mailing list, where you can add or remove your e-mail address Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
