SJL Metal (1/15)

January 16, 2003

Manchester, New Hampshire.

The Verizon Arena.

8:58 P.M.

With less than two minutes to go, Metal is all but ready to explode onto Manchester. The sold out crowd, packed together tighter than a cam of sardines in this darkened arena, anxiously awaits the beginning of the Junior League’s flagship show.

8:59 P.M.

The countdown begins, and the crowd’s enthusiasm begins to escalate. They grab onto their signs, ready to blast their vocal cords all to hell after the opening fireworks just as Funyon instructed them.

9:00 P.M.

The Smarktron suddenly fires up with the opening credits, as the theme for Metal roars through the arena. Then without further ado...

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

BOOM!! BADA!! BOOMITY!! BOOMAH!!

“Oh, look! A black one!”

BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOM!! BADA! BOOM!

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!

As the house lights flicker on, the massive crowd roars out in tender delight! They quickly jump to their feet, waving their homemade signs around hoping to be one of the select few to make it on to television! Signs like “I’m Better Than You, Fasaki!” as well as a massive banner stretched across ten seats that simply read “Wild and Dangerous Nights Forever!” Enough of that... Seated alongside the ring at their trusty unbreakable commentating table is non other than Australian favorite, Axis along with the SWF Commissioner, the Suicide King.

“Welcome to the first Metal of two thousand three!” exclaims Axis. “We are here in front of a sold out crowd in Manchester, New Hampshire and what a night we have planned!”

“Tonight and tonight only,” the Suicide King is quick to include himself, “we will see the return of SWF veteran Longdogger Pete as he teams up with Wildchild to take on my personal pick of the night, Ejiro Fasaki and Tony Hydra!”

“That’s going to be a good one, but before that...”

“Johnny Dangerous”

Instantly, the crowd lunges from their seats with an overwhelming cheer as the name of wrestling’s favorite spy is broadcasted across the arena, cutting of Axis in mid-sentence! His song, the theme from Mission Impossible II roars out just as the man himself steps out from behind the curtains to another massive ovation!

“Will you just listen to that crowd!” says Axis. “I didn’t realize we were going to receive a visit from Mr. Dangerous so early in the evening, but okay.”

“Please somebody just reach out from backstage with an umbrella or something and yank him back. I couldn’t possibly sit through a Johnny Dangerous rant.”

“Well, It looks like your going to have to.”

After making his way into the ring, Johnny motions towards the timekeeper for a microphone and is quickly handed one.

“Well it is great to be back home, but before I say anything else there is one matter that I simply must address!”

“I wonder what that is?”

“Fugue...” the crowds waste no time showing their emotions for the name mentioned, booing and hissing at the mere mention of the Magnificent Seven’s Chief Musical Coordinator. “Yeah I know, I think he’s a real Jack Ass too!”

“Johnny better watch his tongue, he’s insulting the former World Champion.”

“Have you forgotten so soon, King? Johnny Dangerous is a former World Champion as well.”

“I try to forget.”

“I probably don’t have to explain why it is that I don’t exactly hold Fugue in my kindest regards. Hell I probably don’t have to tell you why I’d just as well spit on his name. See you may have already lost the World Championship, Fugue but I haven’t forgotten how you took it from me. Stole, rather? Cheated? The point is this, Fugue. You, Sir crossed the line and I will be damned if I don’t get some retribution for this.”

“You tell em, Johnny!”

“Obviously, since you couldn’t hold onto the World Championship against your own running buddy, Ejiro Fasaki I can’t cash in this guaranteed rematch for the title in my contract, since i never lost it to Ejiro.”

“So he’s got a clause in his contract, big deal.” the Suicide King shakes his head in disgust. “Ejiro Fasaki would tear Johnny from limb to limb.”

“I don’t think that’s what he’s after, King.”

So instead I’m going to use my little ticket to cash in on a rematch with you!“

“What?” the Suicide King looks on dumbfounded by the notion. “Why would he use a title rematch clause to get a ordinary match for nothing?”

“Shh... Let him talk!”

“Shh me again and I slap your fat ass straight out of that chair! Don’t get me going, Axis! Don’t get me going!”

“This time there is something different on the line. The other things you took from me along with that title. My respect and dignity! You left me there in a pool of my own blood, and not by your own hands, but smitten by a weapon. You cheated me out of the SWF and the World Title, but I will be damned if your going to cheat me out of my dignity! How could you even look yourself in the mirror and feel proud of yourself knowing you had to cheat in order to win?”

“That’s right! Make him learn some damned respect! Johnny is a fellow human being, and Fugue had no right to do that!”

“What the hell is this? A church or a God Damned wrestling league?” questions King. “You want to step into the mix, well I’m sorry but shit’s going to happen! It takes a real man to just get up and go with the flow!”

“I know just as well as you do, Fugue. There is no way in hell you can beat me with out help from another person like Ejiro, or a pair of bolt cutters. Is that truly how you want to be remembered? The man that can’t get the job done by himself? The only way he can beat Johnny Dangerous is with a weapon or help from a friend?” Johnny pauses for a moment as he lets his question sink in. “Can Fugue get the job done alone? I think I would like to find out!”

“Oh I think he already showed you once, Johnny!” growls the Suicide King.

“Now, Now...” retorts Axis. “Fugue has yet to defeat Johnny in a one on one fight cleanly. I’d like to see where he is going with this.”

“This time there is no title, or a number one contender, there’s no Magnificent Seven, and there’s no Wild and Dangerous Nights.”

“It’s just you... Me... And a steel cage!”

“WOAH!” the eyes of the Australian announcer widen with surprise. “Johnny Dangerous and Fugue in a cage match!”

“But,” adds Johnny, “this isn’t just any ordinary cage match I’m proposing. There will be no quick escape over the top or through the backdoor. Hell, lets even forget about taking a pin. I suggest that we raise the bar a little bit, Fugue. The only way for you to win is to make me submit or keep me down for an entire count of ten!”

A quick surge of cheers rushes from the audience as Axis throws his own two cents in. “That’s just unheard of in this business. A Last Man Standing, Submission, Cage Match?”

“Now that’s just stupid.” says King. “Johnny does not realize what he is asking for here. Fugue is not someone you want to corner into a cage. His mouth is writing a check here that his ass can’t cash, and Fugue’s going to show him that’s for damn sure!”

“Whoever can win this match won’t have their hand raised with a title, instead they will raise their hand because the truly are... The better man. and IF you can beat me Fugue, than I will accept that the better man came out on top. You will have all the respect in the world from me. If I win, justice will have been served. This is the end, Fugue! All you have to do is let me know if your ready... for The Ultimate Fight!” With that said Johnny drops the microphone to the mat as his Mission Impossible theme rears up.

“Well,” Axis says, “It looks like Johnny Dangerous has issued a challenge to Fugue for what he is calling an Ultimate Fight! What will Fugue have to say about all of Johnny’s comments, and even more important... will he accept the challenge?”

“You know he will! Fugue does not turn away from a fight, and I think he’s been dying to get his hands on Johnny Dangerous again anyway. We will have more after these important announcements from our sponsors!”

SJL METAL CARD - JANUARY 14, 2003

Due Date: Tuesday, January 14, 2003, at 3 pm EST

Venue: Verizon Arena, Manchester, NH

Send Promos To: TheBostonStrangler

(TBS note: Sorry about the lateness, guys. Shit happens.)

BATTLE ROYAL

Crow vs. Leon Sharpe vs. Mike Van Siclen vs. Spike Jenkins

Summary: Let's see how many of these people actually write.

Description: Elimination match. A competitor is eliminated when he is thrown over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. Last one in the ring is the winner.

Word Limit: 3500

Send To: Drew_K

SINGLES MATCH

EUROPEAN TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP

Chris Card vs. Insane Luchadore

Summary: Both newbie Chris Card and veteran Insane Luchadore picked up wins on Crimson this week. A win here will put someone in the European title hunt.

Word Limit: 3000

Send To: AnnieEclectic

SNOW SHOVEL MATCH

Fugue vs. Dace Night

Summary: Damn, it's cold up here in New Hampshire! Well, fortunately the arena is heated, but that doesn't mean we can't simulate a good old fashioned winter brawl between Dace Night and M7 member Fugue!

Description: Standard no-DQ match. Two large snow shovels have been conveniently placed outside the ring on opposite ends and may be used freely.

Word Limit: 4000

Send To: Wrestling_Deacon

SINGLES MATCH

Janus vs. Johnny Dangerous

Summary: What's up with Janus? Well, I'm not sure, but he was acting rather oddly after his loss to Ejiro Fasaki and Fugue on Crimson, leaving the ring in the company of the Magnificent Seven troupe. This doesn't seem like normal behavior for the Anti-Heel matchine. Maybe Johnny here can figure out what's eating him.

Word Limit: 4000

Send To: 5_moves_of_doom

MAIN EVENT

STIPULATION TAG MATCH

Ejiro Fasaki & Tony Hydra vs. Wildchild & Longdogger Pete

Summary: DOGGAH OWNZ ALL OF J00! Well, actually, he just owns Wrath. To avoid costly litigation, the JLCC cut Longdogger Pete a few breaks, allowing him to set up this main event match. Longdogger Pete returns to the ring after a long absence due to injury, teaming up with Wildchild against JL World Champion Ejiro Fasaki, and... Ejiro's personal ring announcer? Yeah, this should be fun. Oh, and if Wildchild pins Fasaki, Wildchild will receive a shot at the World title in the near future.

Description: Standard tag team rules apply. Additional rules will be PMed to Ejiro and Wildchild.

Word Limit: 5000

Send To: realitycheck

January 16, 2003

===

*screen goes black*

...

BOOM! BABABABA BOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!1

BANG BOOM BOOM BOOM WWHHIIIIIRRRRRRR BOOOOOOM!!!

An explosion of pyrotechnics and the lights of the Verizon Arena raise to reveal a packed crowd. The deafening sound of humans screaming at the top of their lungs, the smell of spilt beer and hot popcorn fills the arena. Cameras hover over the crowd revealing many fans, as per usual, holding up various coloured signs, all with their own unique messages and images. Including some pearlers, including “Axis: King Of The Shed!” “Crow Is Really Catholic!” “FLESHER = FIRST BABY TO BE BORN OUT OF MOTHER’S ASSHOLE!” and even more. The camera cuts down to the commentary table where we see the infamous commentators, play by play man Axis and ever by his side, colour commentator The Suicide King. Axis is dressed in a casual gear with an Opeth shirt draping over his chest while King is decked out in professional “Harry’s Menswear” clothing.

“Welcome fans and get ready, because this is SJL Metal!” shouts Axis, seemingly in a good mood, “We are LIVE from the jam packed Verizon Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire! The crowd is hot and we have an even hotter show for you tonight fans! Why do you think of tonight’s line up, King!?”

“Axis, didn’t lock yourself in the shed today? You seem oddly happy and joyful, and somewhat... charismatic!! My GOD man, has he finally figured out how to work the freakin’ shed door!?” cheekily asks King.

The smile on the face of Axis quickly disappears and is replaced by the blank, somewhat boring angered face that we’ve all become accustomed to. A big grin appears on the face of King...

“Anyway, to answer your question, I think we’re going to see a great night full of good solid wrestling, technical, fast, rough, you name it! We’re gonna have it! .......what’s the first match on the card again?” asks King.

Axis sighs as he picks up the sheet and sticks it in front of King’s face.

“Oh, that’s right! First match on the card is the 4 way Battle Royal, pitting newcomer Crow, Spike Jenkins, Leon Sharpe and Van Scilen against each other. Should be good, I look forward to seeing Crow in action again after his debut loss against Chris Card,” colourfully comments King.

“Agreed, even in a losing effort again Card he managed to impress us all... especially Natasha,” says Axis.

“Oh dude, don’t even get me started on that sick bitch. I mean really, she kis...”

King’s verbal disgust is cut off by the booming voice of Funyon.

“This matchup is a Battle Royal. It is an elimination match. A competitor is eliminated when he is thrown over the top rope and both of his feet touch the floor. Last man in the ring is declared the winner,” booms Funyon.

Soilwork’s thrash metal hit Natural Born Chaos explodes through the speakers of the Verizon Arena and the crowd, remembering the wrestler who comes through the entrance meets it with resounding boos. Crow steps through the entrance onto the ramp, smoking a cigarette. He brings the cigarette upto his mouth, takes a drag and looks around the arena. Piercing into the crowd with his black eyes, he exhales and makes his way down to the ring.

Funyon begins, “Coming down to the ring, from the weed capital of Australia, Adelaide, standing at the height of 6’2” and weighing in at 231 pounds, he is the Antichrist Superstar! CCCCCRRRRROOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”

“... Verizon Arena is non smoking ain’t it?” asks King.

“I believe so. Though I don’t think Crow cares about other people dying from his environmental tobacco smoke,” responds Axis.

“Environmental tobacco smoke? What the fuck you on about!?” exclaims King in a confused manner.

“... ya know? Environmental tobacco smoke....?” asks Axis, “..second hand smoke?”

“Oooooooohhhhhh!! I get ya,” replies King.

Crow puts his cigarette out and enters the ring. He checks the ropes tightness and starts to warm up. Natural Born Chaos ceases playing through the speakers of the arena. The metal beats of "King of Your Own World" by Smugface plays over the loudspeaker, as gold sparks rise up from under the entrance area. The fancy pyrotechnics of Spike Jenkins are met with nothing but large boos. After several seconds, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins walks out from behind the entrance curtain, stepping into the gold sparks. More boos.

“And there he is, Mr “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins. An excellent performer to say the least. Bouncy wrestler, likes to use the fast, quick, springboard manoeuvres.” states Axis.

“Oh I like watching this guy perform, entertaining stuff. I don’t understand why the crowd feels the need to boo him so,” speaks King.

After a few seconds of Spike just standing there, Spike breathes in some of the sparks, and exhales through his nose, as smoke fills up over his face. Spike steps through the sparks, as they slowly die down behind him. Spike walks down the entrance way, looking around the audience as they all boo him.

“Maybe because they feel he is an arrogrant prick who is only concerned with one thing, himself?” remarks Axis.

“Good point... wait, what just happened? The daft Aussie made a point!” cheekily replies King.

“Coming down to the ring, from Hollywood, Callifornia, standing at the height of 6’1” and weighing in at 220 pounds, the self acclaimed King Of The World! HHHOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOODDDDD SPIKE JENKINS!!!!

Spike walks around the ring up to the steel steps, and climbs up to the ring apron, walking into the center of the ring. Looking out into the audience, placing his arms behind the top rope, stretching back a bit.

“You are really pushing it tonight, King...” utters Axis, in quite an angered tone.

“Hey now, it’s my job,” responds King with a big grin on his face.

Crow is waiting, lurking inside the ring, eyeing Spike... Spike, about to release the ropes and steps through them into the ring has second thoughts, and smartly waits for the other opponents in the match.

“Looks like Spike isn’t gonna enter to the ring alone, and I don’t blame him... we all know what Crow is like,” says Axis.

"I shut 'em down..."

The lights go down all over the arena as the sounds of "Shut 'Em Down (Suicide Spin remix)" by LL Cool J pulsate throughout the arena. A lone blue spotlight shining down on the entrance ramp, where Mike Van Siclen stands coldly, his eyes burning with competitive fire.

“Look it’s Van Siclen, with those freakin’ eyes!” shouts King.

“And now, the next opponent, hailing from Harrison, Illinois. Standing at the height of 6 foot 4 inches and weighing 237 pounds! This is... AMAZIN’ MIKE VVVAAAAANNN SSSSIIIICCCCLLLLEEEEENNNNNNN!” booms Funyon.

Van Siclen beings to make his way down to the ring, Crow turns around to watch Van Scilen, taking his eyes off Spike. Spike uses this opportunity to sneak into the ring.

“And the crowd gives polite applause for Van Siclen, appreciating his tenacity and his fantastic work ethic,” states Axis.

Van Siclen walks up the steps, climbs through the ropes and into the ring... all the while never taking his eyes off Crow. He goes to a corner, and starts to stretch as he waits for the bell...

“And there is only one more wrestler to come out to the ring... Leon Sharpe” says Axis.

Strobe lights begin to flicker and then "The World is Not Enough" by Garbage starts to play.

“Speaking of the devil,” says King.

The spill-tingling voice of Shirley Manson begins and an explosion of pyrotechnics goes off! Leon Sharpe appears, wearing his ever trusty singlet and pants. The crowd erupts in cheer for Sharpe, and he begins to walk down to the ring.

“Hasn’t got a shirt to sell today, Axis,” remarks King.

“The last opponent, hailing from Detroit, Michigan. Standing at the height of 6 foot 10 inches and weighing in at 305 pounds! Buy his t-shirt! This is... LLLLEEEOOOOONNNN SSSHHHHAAAAAARRRRPPPEEEEE!!!” booms Funyon.

“Probably sold out I guess,” replies Axis.

“Sold out? Are you fucking insane? This is LEON SHARPE we’re talking about, not Mr Galatea,” exclaims King.

Sharpe slaps a few hands as he walks down to the ring. He then makes his way up the steps and enters the ring over the top rope. Referees have positioned themselves around the ring, to confirm if a wrestler has been thrown out of the ring.

“Remember folks, this is not a pinfall match, the rules are the wrestler must be thrown over the top rope and both his feet must hit the ground, only then will he be eliminated.” Explains Axis.

“So you’re saying that the wrestler must land standing on their two feet to be eliminated?” cheekily queries King.

“Don’t make me Factor Bomb your ass through this table,” responds Axis.

“Eh, I’d kick out since the move ain’t *that* powerful,” replies King in his known bratty manner.

The bell rings and the match participants all rush to each other and start laying in the punches.

“Alright, here we go! The match is on!” shouts Axis.

Much to the delight of the crowd, Sharpe is dominating Crow and Van Siclen (VS) is fiercely battling with Jenkins! Sharpe pushes Crow into the corner and pushes his hands into Crow’s face, trying to push him out the ring!

“Sharpe is already on the attack, trying to force Crow of the ring with brute force,” states Axis.

Crow wraps his arm around the top rope as his body is elevated off the ground by Sharpe’s strength. Crow’s face starts to develop a slight shade of red as the heat builds up in the ring.

“Look at the power of Sharpe, now see, that’s the kind of wrestler who should be using the Factor Bomb... not some weakling like you, Axis,” comments King.

“Die, commie,” responds Axis.

On the other side of the ring, VS has taken the advantage and has Jenkins tipping over the top rope, Jenkins is trying to hang on desperately. Jenkins falls to the canvas just below the rope and VS stomps a mudhole in em!

“Damn, Van Siclen is really laying into Jenkins with those mudhole stomps,” says Axis

VS steps on Jenkin’s throat and chokes Jenkins with his foot. VS pulls back on the ropes and tries to push Jenkins out of the ring, but Jenkins has a firm grasp of the bottom rope.

“Well yeah, Van Siclen is putting everything into it, but I think it’s a loss cause. ‘Cause Jenkins has a good idea going here, holding onto the bottom rope with dear life. When you’re horizontal under a rope, not too much is gonna happen to ya,” colourfully commentates King.

VS gives up and redirects his attention to the other battle going on in the ring. VS walks over to other side of the ring and hits Sharpe in the back with a few forearms.

*commentary silence*

“What?” asks King.

The shock from the blows stops Sharpe trying to push Crow out of the ring.

“Nothing... I’m just surprised you actually added something intelligent to commentary,” responds Axis.

VS gets a few shots in, but Sharpe turns around and grabs VS’s throat.

“CHOKESLAM ON VAN SICLEN!! Sharpe hits the chokeslam! Van Siclen’s body literally bounced off the canvas!” exclaims Axis.

Jenkins is up from under the rope and runs at Sharpe but Sharpe gets the boot up! Big boot to the face of Jenkins! Jenkins hits the canvas with an astoundingly large thud.

“My god, Sharpe just killed two guys in like 10 seconds! He’s almost on my level!” shouts King.

Crow climbs the turnbuckle behind him and leaps onto the back of Sharpe! Crow locks in a sleeper! Sharpe starts to flail his arms around himself, the sleeper is draining the blood from Sharpe, and he is losing his balance.

“Crow is doing a good job here, applying the sleeper hold to slow Sharpe down. Even though the crowd is booing, it’s good, smart wrestling,” says Axis.

Sharpe, knowing that he is succumbing to the loss of blood, jumps backwards onto the mat!!! Crushing Crow! The crowd is whipped into a frenzy! Crow rolls to the outside and onto the ground, and he lies on the ground in a very hurt and pain stricken state.

“Can we get a look at that in replay?” says King.

“I agree, I wanna see that devastating move again, he must have crushed the rib cage of Crow,” states Axis.

“Oh no, it’s just because I didn’t see it the first time since I was checking out that hot blonde in the audience,” remarks King.

Sharpe looks to the crowd and points to his chest, suggesting that everyone buy his shirt. The crowd responds with a large cheer.

“The crowd solidly on the side of Sharpe here,” says Axis.

Jenkins sneaks up behind Sharpe and starts delivering massive forearms to upper back... Sharpe just turns around. Sharpe doesn’t feel Jenkin’s forearm smashes and grabs him by the throat!

“He’s got him by the throat, are we gonna see another chokeslam!?” asks Axis.

He signals to the crowd for the chokeslam! NOOO! Jenkins kicks Sharpe in the crotch! Sharpe bends over holding his crotch, that heavy dull pain pulsating through his body.

“That’s a move that will stop even the strongest and most resilient of wrestlers, I’ve even succumbed to that move,” states King.

Jenkins runs to the ropes, jumps to the second rope and moonsaults off! But Sharpe sees it coming and catches Jenkins mid flight. Sharpe positions Jenkins for the Oklahoma Powerslam! Sharpe takes a couple steps back to get some momentum for his move... THWACK! Except Crow hits Sharpe in the lower back with a chair, Sharpe falls onto his knees and Jenkins falls off the fallen giant.

“Remember folks, this type of match up is no disqualification, the use of weapons like chairs is legal,” reports Axis.

VS is back on his feet from that ferocious chokeslam, courtesy of Sharpe. VS whips Sharpe into the ropes, Sharpe bounces off and runs straight into a VS kick to the stomach. SIT OUT JAWBREAKER! Sharpe falls back onto the canvas. Crow and VS follow up the jawbreaker with a double leg wishbone, and hold Sharpe’s legs open. Jenkins come off the ropes with a swan dive guillotine leg drop... right to Sharpe’s crotch!

“Goddamn! That poor guy’s testicles must be turning purple by now!” exclaims King.

Crow, VS & Jenkins back up to ropes, and anxiously await the rise of Sharpe... he rises. VS runs at Sharpe with a big forearm, Sharpe stumbles back into the ropes and back off them. Crow grabs the chair in the ring and ascends the turnbuckle. Jenkins runs at Shaper and nails him with an even bigger forearm, Sharpe stumbles back again and is leaning on the ropes. Crow jumps off the top and hits Sharpe with the chair! THUD! Double clothesline from Jenkins and Van Siclen!

“An absolutely explosive sequences of offence from the smaller men of this match has eliminated Leon Sharpe from this match up!” comments Axis.

“This leaves Crow, VS and Jenkins in the match up. Hey, what’s this Jenkins seems to be making a deal with Van Siclen,” reports King.

Crow raises himself to his feet, and walks over to attack Van Siclen and Jenkins, but the two men saw Crow coming and both launch an elbow right into Crow’s face! Crow falls back onto the mat whilst VS and Jenkins shake hands... but wait! Jenkins pulls VS in and kicks him in the stomach! Jenkins tries for The Highlighter but Crow stops him with a superkick straight to the head!

“Looks like the deal fell through...” remarks Axis.

VS is dazed and stumbles out of Jenkin’s grasp, Crow tries a chin breaker on the stunned Jenkins but is pushed away into the ropes. Crow comes off the ropes, Jenkins drops down and VS throws his arm out for a clothesline. Crow ducks under the clothesline and applies a waist lock on VS, VS counters with a waist lock of his own. Crow hits an elbow on VS, VS stills maintains the hold, but Crow hits him with two big elbows and VS breaks it. Jenkins seemingly watching makes a dash at Crow who just broke the waistlock, Crow moves out the way and Jenkins flows straight into an arm drag by VS! VS turns around right into a Crow arm drag! Who in turn takes an arm drag from Jenkins!

“A flurry of arm drags by the competitors! Great wrestling this is,” states Axis.

VS is quickly up and attempts a back drop on Jenkins, flipped out of by Jenkins! Jenkins puts a waist lock on VS, and Crow charges at VS and sticks his leg out... but VS moves out the way and the superkick that was meant for VS hits Jenkins! Jenkins falls to his knees clutching his head. VS punches the off balance Crow... he backs Crow into the rope. Irish whip by VS which is hastily countered by Crow, Crow back off the ropes! Jenkins is up on two feet and punches VS out the way, VS slams onto the mat and slides to the oustide for a breather!

“RUNNING DROPKICK ON JENKINS BY CROW! Jenkins pushed Van Siclen out of the way of danger accidentally and got nailed himself! What a fuckin’ dick!” exclaims King, almost laughing.

Crow picks up Jenkins and backs him into the corner. Crow unleashes a wicked chop onto the tank top covered chest of Jenkins! A face of pain develops on Jenkins. Crow whips Jenkins to the opposite corner and charges for a plancha. Crow hits the plancha, and quickly climbs the turnbuckle. He grabs the head of Jenkins and puts him in a front face lock as VS climbs back into the ring. Crow tries to work the Murderous DDT but Jenkins uses Crow’s momentum and pushes him up into the air! Crow’s legs fall onto VS’s shoulders, VS catches them and Jenkins pushes Crow off his shoulders onto the ground. Crow hits a headscissors takedown on VS with an assist from Jenkins!

“Amazing wrestling, Jenkins managed to hurt both his opponents in one shot, all because he just countered the Murderous DDT,” comments Axis.

Jenkins picks up Crow and backs him into the corner. He whips Crow into the opposite corner, Crow elevates himself off the ropes and plants his feet on Jenkins’s shoulder. Jenkins catches Crow’s feet and throws him over the top rope!

“CROW HANGS ON! Crow hangs onto the ropes and keeps his feet from touching the floor, just barely...” reports Axis.

Jenkins turns round and runs at VS, but VS moves out of the way and Jenkins goes chest first into the turnbuckle! VS turns Jenkins around and tries to whip him into the corner where Crow is, but Jenkins holds onto the turnbuckle and stops the whip. VS tries another time, but again Jenkins resists and this time, Jenkins thrusts his leg into VS’s stomach.

“Jenkins stops the whip and looks to be setting something up here,” says Axis.

“He’s gonna go up top, Axis! Oooh la la high risk!” shouts King.

VS lets go of Jenkins’s arm, and using this moment of shock to his advantage, Jenkins ascends to the top rope. VS was playing possum! He pushes Jenkins off the turnbuckle and Jenkins lands crotch first on the top rope! VS pushes him further along the ropes. VS gets a run up, runs in and springboards off the second turnbuckle and dropkicks Jenkins in the shoulder!

“Jenkins falls out of the ring! Hollywood Spike Jenkins has been eliminated!” reports Axis.

“Crow should get right onto Van Siclen right now, no breaks at all, just straight to the attack,” comments King.

Van Siclen is on the outside, keeping himself standing by putting his weight onto the side of the ring and hanging onto the bottom rope. Crow bounces off the ropes and hits a baseball slide on VS, VS goes flying into the guardrail! Crow slides under the bottom rope to the outside, VS is slouched over the guardrail facing the crowd... and for some reason, the crowd starts to cheer. The cheers get louder as Crow approaches the back of VS, and this causes Crow to back up and start spewing forth obscenities at the crowd.

“Shut the fuck up! I’m gonna kick this motherfuckers ass and win, and there is nothing you cunts can do about it!” screams Crow at the top of his blackened lungs.

Crow focuses his attention back to VS, and grabs VS’s shoulder to pull him back. Except VS back elbows Crow HARD and Crow goes flying back into the side of the ring! VS turns around, wielding a chair and heaves it onto the head of Crow! THWACK! Crow falls flat on his back, and he’s busted wide open! Blood almost instantly starts shooting down the face of Crow! VS holds the chair high up into the air and the crowd gives him a polite pop.

“OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! An absolutely devastating chair shot from Van Siclen! Crow is bleeding something crazy!” cries Axis.

“I think that move is the turning point of this match up, Van Siclen can now regr... hey, who the hell is that?”

Suddenly, a barrage of boos starts to emulate from the crowd near the entrance... its NATASHA! She runs down to ring and has a look of concern on her face. Mike looks at Natasha with piercing eyes, but doesn’t waste his time with her and focuses the task at hand. Crow attempts to lift himself up, blood just flowing from his forehead right into his eyes.

“I bet Natasha’s wet right about now, Crow is cumming blood,” remarks King.

VS grabs Crow by the hair and throws him inside the ring. Crow grasps onto the ropes, he is losing a lot of blood, it’s streaming down his face and onto the mat. Natasha rushes over to Crow and starts patting his head and holding him in a protective manner. VS stomps on Crow’s back and Natasha jumps back with a worried look on her face. VS picks Crow up and bends him over. Van Siclen applies a standing headscissors on Crow. VS summons all his strength and heaves Crow up by the stomach!

“He’s got him up for the Jackknife Powerbomb!” exlaims Axis!

Crow is trying to get out of it, he rakes at VS’s eyes. VS loses his grip, and Crow falls back... but VS regains his grip, he’s got him set up for the Van Slaminator! VS sits out! Crow’s head crashes against the canvas! VS feels that his job isn’t done, and moves the fallen Crow to the ideal position.

“Van Siclen climbs the turnbuckle and faces out to the crowd, and he signals for the moonsault! But wait! Natasha is on the apron, she’s holding Van Siclen’s leg!” reports Axis.

“Kick her off! Kick her off!” shouts King.

VS tries to kick her off, but Natasha still holds on, and if VS tries any harder he’ll lose balance! Crow gets up... AND PUSHES VS OFF THE TURNBUCKLE AND OUT OF THE RING! VAN SICLEN’S ARMS AND HEAD HIT THE GUARDRAIL! Mike Van Siclen has been eliminated!

“Crow wins! Crow wins! And he slumps to the canvas in a pool of his own blood, he doesn’t look like a winner,” reports Axis.

Natasha is jumping up and down clapping like a little goth girl... she climbs into the ring, helps Crow up and holds his hand in the air.

“The winner of this contest, CCCCRRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!” booms Funyon.

Pure confusion is seen in Crow’s face and eyes as he sees Natasha holding his arm up. Natasha looks at Crow, and walks out of the ring and up the entrance.

“Man, that bitch is fuckin’ weird. I mean come on, she doesn’t dig the King! The Suicide King for god’s sake!” exclaims King.

Crow just stands in the ring, looking at her... in a state of confusion, he catches the deck of cigarettes thrown to him and lights one up. He leaves the ring.

*cut to break*

January 16, 2003

(After a long tough battle, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins is walking around backstage, a towel over the back of his neck, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Spike doesn't notice the camera, and continues walking down the hallway, talking to himself...)

HSJ: How am I supposed to be more upfront? How am I supposed to be more arrogant? That psychiatrist the SJL gave me is really screwed up. Come on! It's me we are talking about here. How can I be more arrogant? (sigh) I guess I have to try harder....Speaking of harder....

(The camera rises above Spike's shoulder, and shows Chris Card's manager, Natasha, at the SJL lunch/snack table. Spike licks his hands and wipes it over his hair, trying to put it back in a sly way, before starting over to the table. He leans over the edge of the table, as Natasha barely notices him. Spike licks his lips, and begins to make a complete ass out of himself...)

HSJ: Hey baby.

(Natasha continues to go about her business.)

HSJ: (a little louder) Hey Baby!

(Natasha continues to go about her business, as Spike turns towards the camera man, and whispers out loud "Is She Deaf?" and begins pointing to his ears. Spike turns back to Natasha.)

HSJ: (screaming in her ear now) HEY BABY!!!!

(Natasha nearly drops her plate, and turns towards Spike with anger in her eyes.)

Natasha: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!!!

HSJ: Oh.....Hey Baby.

Natasha: AHHH

(Natasha walks down to the other end of the table, leaving Spike standing there. Spike takes a plate, and pretends to put food on it, while walking down the table to Natasha.)

HSJ: So, you may not know me, which you probably do, because, well, I am Me. But my name is "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins. The Greatest Wrestler Ever! The King of the World! And a...

(Spike notices Natasha walking away from the table.)

HSJ: Hey, hold on!

(Spike jogs up to the side of Natasha.)

HSJ: And what I was saying was, is that I, Spike Jenkins, would like to take you out for diner.

Natasha: Not interested.

HSJ: Of course you are. So lets say, I'll pick you up at Eight?

Natasha: How about not picking me up at all?

HSJ: Ohhh, so you want to get right to bed. I can understand. It is me, after all.

(Natasha just looks at Spike, as Spike gives her a little pose, causing her to shake her head in agony, and starts to walk down the hallway again.)

HSJ: Are you going to your hotel room now? Wow, your a quick one. All right, do you want to drive, or should we take my car?

Natasha: I said I wasn't interested!

(Spike jogs back to her.)

HSJ: How can you not be interested? Look at me! I am like, a God. But human! And with better hair!

Natasha: Listen, Spike? You just aren't my type.

HSJ: How am I not your type? I am Beautiful! Gorgeous! And I make lots and lots of money.

Natasha: You want to know why you aren't my type?

HSJ: Don't hurt yourself trying to think of ways for trying not to go out with me. I know you do, so there is really no point to this anyway.

Natasha: Umm, No. You aren't my type, for one, YOU HAVE BLONDE HAIR!

HSJ: It's not blonde! It's more of a dirty blonde then anything. And isn't it great looking. Especially on me!

Natasha: Jeez...what I am trying to say is. I like my men darker with more of an edge.

HSJ: What are you talking about? I am dark. I am edgy. I am too hot for TV!

(Spike begins to pose, as Natasha just throws her hands up, and begins to walk away. Spike jogs over to her again, and steps in front of her, stopping her from walking.)

HSJ: Come on. You know you want to go out with me.

Natasha: No, I don't.

HSJ: Yeah, you do.

Natasha: No, I don't.

HSJ: No, you don't.

Natasha: Exactly!

HSJ: DAMNIT! Wait, wait! OK, how about this. I'll let YOU choose the restaurant.

Natasha: I DO NOT WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!

(After screaming at Spike, Chris Card walks around a corner, and walks up to both of them.)

Card: What is going on here?

Natasha: Chris, this idiot wants to take me out on a date.

Card: Why?

Natasha: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY?

Card: What I meant was....umm....

HSJ: Hey, Hey, Hey! Who are you? Her boyfriend?

Card: No way!

Natasha: ...........

(Natasha looks at Chris like she is about to hit him.)

HSJ: If you're not her boyfriend, then why don't you get out of here, and let me and my new manager talk.

Card: New manager? No way buddy. She's my manager!

HSJ: I'm not your buddy kid, and don't you ever raise your voice like that to me again! Do you realize who I am? I am "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins! The Greatest Wrestler Ever! The King of the World! The...

Card: Greatest wrestler ever? Highly unlikely!

HSJ: LET ME FINISH DAMNIT!

Card: I am the greatest wrestler ever.

HSJ: And who are you exactly?

Card: I am "Technical Perfection" Chris Card!

HSJ: Never heard of ya!

Card: Screw you Pal! Come on Natasha, lets get out of here.

HSJ: I AM NOT YOUR PAL! And where are you taking her? She isn't YOU'RE property!

Card: Don't listen to him Natasha, let's go.

Natasha: But he is actually making a good point.

Card: Can we please not do this right now?

Natasha: Why not? I think it's the perfect time to do this!

HSJ: Do what? You two aren't going to get freaky here, are you?

Card: She is not my girlfriend!

Natasha: Why do you keep saying that?

Card: Because it's true!

Natasha: AHH!

(Natasha storms off as Card turns to Spike.)

Card: Look what you did!

HSJ: What I did? All I did was get a date. YOU scared her off!

Card: Do you realize HOW BIG OF AN IDIOT YOU ARE?

HSJ: I don't have time to deal with little people like you! I am out of here...

(Spike turns around and begins to walk away, when he stops, and remembers what the therapists said to him..)

HSJ: I have to be more upfront. More arrogant. OK, OK.

(Spike turns and walks back to Chris)

HSJ: I, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins, challenge you to a match on Wrath!

Card: You want a match? You just talked yourself into a defeat. Deal with it.

HSJ: Deal with what? What are you talking about?

(Chris turns and runs in the direction that Natasha walked off too as Spike turns to the cameraman.)

HSJ: Deal with Who? What? Damnit! Now I'm confused!

January 16, 2003

Funyon: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the #1 contender spot for the European Title. Introducing first, From Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, he weighs in at 264 lbs and is the master of the Cardiac Arrest. He is “Technical Perfection”. He is CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

"Grind" by Alice In Chains fires up and Chris Card walks into the entranceway, followed by Natasha. With a slight sneer towards the crowd, Chris And Natasha walk slowly and deliberately down towards the ring, with Chris stopping to part the ropes for Natasha. Chris Card now has an improved SmarkTron video showing him hitting Crow and Mike Moran with the Cardiac Arrest, and some more shots of him and Natasha jawing with the crowd, cheating and Natasha using the Mace Spray on Moran. Inside the ring Natasha raises her arms above her head showing off her figure, and then points them towards Chris and he drops into his Heartbreaker pose, crouched in a fighting stance, arms crossed across his chest, thumbs pointing towards his heart.

Funyon: And his opponent, he hails from Easton, Pennsylvania, he weighs in a 221 lbs, he is reckless, he is ruthless, he is the INSAAAAAAAAAANE LUUUUUUUUCHADOOOOOOOOOR.

“Wait and Bleed” by Slipknot explodes onto the sound system. The very second the song picks up the lights all black out. One singular strobe light flashes on and off and the exploding pyro of black and red hit. The lights go on, at a dim, and Insane Luchador comes charging down the aisle. Insane Luchador leaps into the ring with a somersault and faces Card, raising up his arms in time with the crowd as they start a “Luch-A-Dor” chant. While the pair stare each other down Natasha, as usual, slinks off sexily towards the commentary table.

Axis: And I believe we’re about to be joined here again by the Gothic Diva herself, Natasha.

Natasha: Glad to be here again Axis.

Suicide King: No hi for your favourite colour guy?

Natasha: Why, is he here?

Suicide King: I’m EVERYONE’S favourite colour commentator.

Inside the ring Card and Insane Luchador lock up. Card quickly overpowers Luchador in a test of strength, so Luchador kicks his leg out and flips over Card athletically, pulling back on Card’s arms, forcing Card to bridge backwards a little to relieve the pressure. Luchador then slides backwards through Card’s widened legs, forcing Card to back flip over him. Luchador then releases the knuckle locks and back flips in an impressive display of athleticism right up onto Card’s shoulders, spinnging round and hitting a lightning fast huracanrana. Luchador decides not to hold on an even attempt a pin at this early stage, and kips up. This show of super fast technical wrestling for Luchador draws an ripple of applause from the crowd.

Axis: An impressive start from the Insane Luchador. Chris Card will need to slow down the pace of this match if he is to stand any chance of winning.

Natasha: I assure you Axis, Chris is thoroughly capable of dealing with a quick opponent like this.

Insane Luchador launches into a quick sequence of punches, rocking Chris Card back with lefts and rights, all fired off in quick succession. Card staggers back towards the ropes with the force of the blows, and Luchador takes the opportunity to speed into the far ropes from Card and shape for a dropkick. Card is wise to this tactic however, and As Luchador launches himself at Card, the big Canadian ducks away and Luchador goes flying out of the ring, dropkicking the guardrail and landing back first on the outside.

Suicide King: INCOMING!

Card turns to face Luchador and gives a sarcastic little round of applause of his own. This draws a hearty round of boos from the crowd.

Axis: Chris Card is not proving himself the most popular of superstars today.

Natasha: It’s not popularity that wins wrestling matches, it’s skill. And faced with little more than an unskilled brawler here I’m sure Technical perfection will win through.

Suicide King: Plus Card know how to cheat.

Natasha: Work the rules in his own favour, King.

Suicide King: Same thing!

Chris Card waits for the Insane Luchador to re-enter the ring, not wanting to risk going to the outside and face one of the Insane one’s range of dives. As Luchador slides under the bottom rope Card dives in, like a Shark sensing blood, and stomps away on the lower back of the high flying brawler. Luchador grimaces and writhes around on the ground a little, trying to avoid the blows Card is raining down on him, so Card responds by simply wiping his hand through his hair, sending a shower of sweat down onto the fallen Luchador, before dragging the cruiserweight to his feet. Card whips Luchador into the far ropes, raising an eyebrow at the “Chris Card sucks” chant the crowd has started up as he waits for Luchador to bounce back towards him. Chris Card steps aside a little and aims a roundhouse kick at the shin of Luchador, but Luchador hops over the kick and rushes with him momentum to the opposite set of ropes. Luchador launches himself at Card on his return, but Card takes a second step backwards and a carefully placed knee into the stomach of the flying Luchador flips him over, landing him flat on his back. Card steps promptly on Luchador’s throat, using as much of the ref’s 5 count as possible to deny him oxygen.

Axis: The speed of Luchador is breathtaking.

Suicide King: While Card’s attacks are taking breath?

Card follows up by levering the Insane Luchador onto his back and dropping two knees firmly into the small of the Luchador’s back. From this kneeling position Card grabs Luchador’s head and legs and locks in his Bow and Arrow hold. Card wrenches back hard, placing a huge amount of pressure into the spinal column of the Insane Luchador, and as the Crowd intensifies their chant, showing to a man almost unanimous hatred for Chris Card, Card sneers and rolls backwards with the Bow and Arrow, first to an elevated version, then to a more deadly Inverted version.

Axis: The pressure of the move must be unbearable for the Insane Luchador. The Bow and Arrow hold accentuated with the Insane one’s weight. It’s a devastating hold indeed.

Suicide King: So, Natasha. What IS the deal with you and Crow?

The camera shows a long shot form the reverse side of the ring, Card still putting the pressure on the Insane Luchador in the Inverted Bow and Arrow, while the commentators are discussing.

Natasha: Chris Card is, as always, my main concern. I try never to mix business and pleasure. Chris Card is business. What I have planned for Crow is entirely pleasure.

Suicide King: Ooooh. What KIND of Pleasure?

Natasha: Well King, that’s really not for me to discuss with such a narrow minded individual as yourself.

Back in the ring Chris Card finally breaks the hold on Luchador, letting the talented SJL veteran drop to the mat before firing a series of kicks into the ribs of the fallen Luchador. Card backs off, letting Luchador stagger to his feet before lashing in a series of roundhouse kicks, beginning with a couple to the ribs, then a series of three lightning fast kicks to the calf, forcing the Insane Luchador down to his knees. Finally a massive timed kick to Luchador’s head sending him reeling backwards sprawled on the mat.

Axis: Chris Card using everything but the kitchen sink on the Insane Luchador here.

Card picks up Luchador roughly by the arm and whips him into the ropes again, and on Luchador’s return he blasts him with a stiff kneelift to the ribs.

Suicide King: Kitchen Sink! Kitchen Sink!

Card switches round the back of the Insane Luchador, looking for a quick backdrop suplex. Luchador blocks by sliding his leg between Card’s, but Card softens Luchador up with three Muay Thai style knees into his back, then returns to the back suplex, hitting it and floating over to a lateral press 1…2… and Luchador raises a shoulder.

Axis: Luchador is taking a hellacious beating here, but still has the strength to kick out.

Suicide King: I’m always impressed with the tremendous fortitude of Luchador.

Natasha: He’s still not going to win of course.

Suicide King: More fair and unbiased opinion there.

Frustrated, Card brings the Insane Luchador to his feet again and fires off another quick pair of roundhouse kicks. Card whips Luchador again and drop toeholds him down, kipping up and hitting a heel drop into Luchador’s back, then moving into a back mount and smashing in five massive knee strikes to Luchador’s spine. Card spins round 180 degrees on the point of one knee, causing Luchador to let out a low and heavily suppressed shout. Card then reaches down and locks back one of Luchador’s legs backwards, setting in a half crab while all the time digging in with his knee. Card grimaces, trying to lock the half crab in as tightly as possible s Luchador tries to wriggle free. The crowd launches into a near deafening “Luch-a-dor” chant as it appears that Luchador will squirm out of the hold, but after 15 agonizing seconds Card has the hold still cinched in tight and the chant dies down.

Natasha: I saw a tap! I swear I saw Luchador tap out there.

Suicide King: I never swear. I’m a good King.

Axis: The Insane Luchador did NOT tap out. But if the pressure of this bone splintering hold is maintained then I’m sure he will have to.

Suicide King: If I were in the ring, I’D be able to get out of a half crab.

The Insane Luchador begins slowly edging his way towards the ring ropes, as the referee asks him if he wants to give up. Luchador shakes his head and edges closer still to the ropes. The chant for him increases as he gets closer and closer. Card tries to crank up the pressure, but Luchador is gaining leverage. The progress is inexorably slow, but still noticeable.

Axis: Luchador is nearly at the ropes. That will give Chris Card a five count to break the hold.

Suicide King: The viewers know the rules of wrestling Axis!

Natasha: Excuse me; I have business to attend to.

Suicide King: No! Don’t leave us!

Natasha leaves the announce table and giving a cold, heartless look into the crowd, she glides towards the ring apron. Luchador expends a huge burst of effort reaching towards the ropes, and grasps the middle rope with his fingertips but noticing the ref is checking on Chris Card and where the hold is being applied, rather than Luchador’s arm, Natasha reaches in and swats Luchador’s arm back down to the canvas. The crowd voices their disapproval with a massive “Slut!” chant, and as the referee turns to check to see if the Insane Luchador is tapping, his arm is back inside the ring.

Axis: Luchador had the ropes!

Suicide King: He was nowhere near the ropes. You’re seeing things again Axis.

Insane Luchador again reaches for the ropes, and again Natasha swats his arm away, but this time the referee is watching the Gothic Diva out of the corner of his eye, and he demands the hold be broken. The two wrestlers stand, Luchador clutching his back in pain and trying to shake feeling back into his leg, as the referee admonishes Natasha for interfering. Luchador charges for Card, but Card drops to his knees and, spotting the referee is otherwise engaged, fires in a huge uppercut low blow!

Suicide King: Low Blow! Low Blow!

Axis: Chris Card has demonstrated before he’s not above cheating to win.

Suicide King: ALWAYS Cheat to win. It’s more efficient!

As Luchador is bent double down on the mat, Chris Card walks round the ring, stalking the Luchador and waiting for him to rise to his feet. Card smiles a twisted smile to himself, as he signals out into the crowd for the Cardiac Arrest. The crowd responds by letting Chris Card know how much he sucks, but Natasha gives Chris a little round of applause for his choice of move.

Axis: Chris Card looking to finish this one off quickly here.

Chris Card reaches down and lifts the Insane Luchador up by an arm. Card twists the arm behind Luchador’s back and reaches round his neck, but Luchador counters and untwists his arm, twisting Chris Card’s arm behind his back instead. With his own hammerlock applied Insane Luchador reaches round and hits his OWN Inverted DDT! He floats over to cover 1…2… and Card rolls a shoulder!

Axis: OH MY GOD! Insane Luchador just hit Chris Card with his own Cardiac Arrest!

Suicide King: That’s trademark infringement!

Axis: Insane Luchador has used that move before Chris Card even got here.

Suicide King: Well Chris Card does it BETTER anyway.

Insane Luchador is now getting himself together as he stands before Card, and as Card turns to face him he NAILS Card with a snap DDT. Luchador springs to his feet, adrenaline rushing through his body and as Card raises, Luchador grabs him and snap suplexes the Canadian nearly out of his boots! Maintaining the side headlock, Luchador stands again and blasts Card with a second Snap Suplex, floating over this time to cover 1…2… and Card lifts a shoulder again. Luchador springs again to his feet and scream out to the crowd.

Axis: Insane Luchador getting his second wind. This is bad news for Chris Card!

Spotting that Card had been moved towards the ropes with the suplexes Luchador slides through the ropes to the ring apron, and hits a slingshot plancha back into the ring onto Card! 1… 2… and Card kicks out. The Insane Luchador gets back to his feet and leaps onto the middle rope, flying back off into a springboard elbow drop! 1… 2… and Card kicks out again. The crowd pops for each of Luchador’s near falls.

Axis: Insane Luchador now with a huge head of steam. He has all the momentum.

Suicide King: Yeah but the big question is can he finish Chris Card off?

Axis: We’ll have to see, King.

The Insane Luchador rises to his feet first again, and Card rises too, looking a little dazed. Luchador fires a massive right hook to Card’s jaw, making the crowd ooh at the impact. Luchador fires a quick left jab, then a right one, then kicks Chris Card in the kneecap, and slides down into a drop toehold. Card lays out flat on the Mat as Insane Luchador leaps to the top rope in one motion and hits a massive top rope leg drop! Luchador covers 1… 2… and Card summons another little burst of energy to kick out.

Axis: The Insane Luchador here moving in for the kill.

The Insane Luchador lifts Card to his feet and applies a side headlock, forcing him down to the canvas with a huge DDT!

Axis: Insane Luchador is going for THE…

Luchador maintains a headlock and lifts Card again, and then DDTs him down again

Axis: APPROACHING…

Luchador again maintains the headlock, and again lifts Card and AGAIN DDTs him down.

Axis: BRINK!

Suicide King: You love that move, don’t you Axis?

The crowd chants “Eve-n-flow” as The Luchador kicks Card solidly in the gut and dives in, hitting his beautiful flowing EVENFLOW DDT! Luchador covers, but there’s no referee! The Insane Luchador stands and looks round the ring to see where the referee is. To utterly no surprise of anyone, the Referee is being detained by Natasha, who is trying to describe to him precisely how he could improve doing his duties!

Axis: That was an easy three count! Natasha and Chris Card have just cheated the Insane Luchador out of a definite victory.

Suicide King: I’m sure Chris Card could have kicked out. He’s Technical Perfection you know.

Axis: I am aware of his technical excellence, but it’s debatable if he could have kicked out of the Evenflow.

Suicide King: Not technical excellence, Axis. Technical Perfection.

Insane Luchador pushes the ref out of the way to stare down Natasha, attempting to intimidate Natasha out of interfering. Natasha gives him a cold hold glare and follows that with a n attempt at a huge slap to Insane Luchador’s cheeks, but Luchador grabs her arm, and with his other free arm slaps Natasha himself, sending her spinning off the ring apron to the floor, earning the Insane Luchador a HUGE pop!

Suicide King: Hey! You can’t hit Natasha!

Axis: It’s not like she’s not been asking for it since she arrived here!

Insane Luchador turns back into the ring, where Chris Card has just struggled to his feet. Grabbing a side headlock, the Insane Luchador backs up towards a corner, looking for his Tornado DDT. Behind him on the ring apron however Natasha has recovered and composed herself, and she fires a kick into the small of his back. The insane Luchador turns his head round to face her, and freed from the hold Chris Card makes damn sure the referee has no line of sight to what’s going on, as Natasha smiles evilly, showing the Luchador what’s prepared in her other hand, by spraying upwards into his face with the mace can!

Axis: Natasha used that damn mace spray on the Insane Luchador!

Rubbing the noxious substance out of his eyes with one hand , the Insane Luchador temporarily has more pressing things on his mind that Chris Card, and Card uses this little break in concentration to grab the other arm and forcibly drag Insane Luchador off the ropes. Card hammerlocks the arm behind Luchador’s back, reaches round the neck and hits the CARDIAC ARREST! Card pins, grabbing a handful of tights for safety of victory… 1… 2… 3!!!!!

Axis: And Chris Card steals another win here tonight!

January 16, 2003

“And man, what a match that was, I’m sure we will remember that contest for a long time to come,” remarks Axis as SJL Metal returns from commercial.

“Yes, it was... although I have absolutely nothing to say about it,” chimes in the Suicide King.

“Nor do I,” shrugs Axis, “I wonder why that is?”

“Could be short term amnesia? Or alien abduction! Yes, I am sure that is what it has to be! Come here Axis, I need to check you for some anal probes.”

“Get away from me, you sick...What’s that sound?”

HERE WE ARE.... BORN TO BE KINGS... WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE....

“Oh sweet Jesus, No!”

YEAH!

“It’s the Magnificent Seven and they are ready to break down the walls of this stupid show and get things going in the right direction... FINALLY” laughs King.

In response to the music, the fans begin to bring down the thunder of boos and catcalls only members of the most elite force in wrestling can create. And through the curtain comes the highest-ranking member of that faction that currently resides in the SJL. The World Heavyweight Champion Ejiro Fasaki comes striding out to the entranceway with his personal toady Tony Hydra directly behind him. Pulling the world title over his shoulder, Ejiro looks out to the fans with as much bile as they give to him. The arrogant champion extends a hand and immediately feels the pleasurable grooves of his own personal golden microphone as the fans chant away...

“FUCK YOU FASAKI! - CLAP, CLAP, CLAP - FUCK YOU FASAKI! - CLAP, CLAP, CLAP –“

The world champion pulls the microphone up to his face, “You know, you only demean yourselves by resorting to such course and vile language. And I would appreciate it, if you would all cease this display of vulgarity and allow your World Champion to speak his mind.

“FUCK YOU FASAKI! - CLAP, CLAP, CLAP - FUCK YOU FASAKI! - CLAP, CLAP, CLAP –“

“Not only are you being vulgar, but you are also being incredibly rude towards your betters! Don’t you understand that I am the champion of the whole damn world? That I represent the very best the SJL has to offer? You people should be thrilled and excited that I even bother to show up here every week and display my magnificent skills!”

“Lord, what an ego,” mutters Axis.

The World Champion continues, “But you people are not why I am out here to talk tonight. I am out here to talk about my match later on tonight against WildChild and ... some washed up... broken down ... Hulk Hogan type ... guy that is not even worth remembering in the first place. I am referring to, of course, Longdogger Pete. What the hell is a Longdogger anyway? Does he stretch out puppies when no one is looking? Does he eat a whole lot of foot long hotdogs? Does anyone really give a damn? The answer to that last question is, of course ... no. Because Pete is not even going to be a factor here tonight! Because he is teaming with the saddest excuse for a wrestler that anyone has ever seen, WildChild. That shoeless, winless, mountain of pure suck that has never and will never beat Ejiro Fasaki.”

“And that’s the fact!” yells The King from the announce booth.

“He couldn’t beat me in a triple threat ladder match. He couldn’t beat me in a tag match. He couldn’t beat me in a first blood match! He couldn’t beat me in a scaffold match! WildChild can not beat me if he has a tank and I have a beanbag chair. So everyone in Vegas right now put down your bets right now, I do not care what the line is. Because the ending of tonight’s match is a forgone conclusion and because I am better than WildChild and I can PROVE IT!”

Dropping the microphone on the floor, Ejiro makes a sharp turn and walks through the curtain. Standing there alone for a moment, Tony Hydra collects the golden microphone off the floor. Looking out to the fans, Hydra looks to ponder adding something to Ejiro’s diatribe and so he does.

“Hi Mom.”

Axis sighs into his headset, “What a moron, we’ll be back in a few moments with the next contest. Stay tuned everyone.”

January 16, 2003

(We are backstage again, as the camera zooms in on a door with a gold star on it that says the name "Johnny Dangerous" under it. From out of nowhere, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and The Cameraman step in front of the door.)

Cameraman: Spike, what are we doing here?

HSJ: Well Cameraman. I am only a human being, maybe a little more, but I still need my rest, and this looks like the perfect locker room for my rest.

Cameraman: But this is Johnny Dangerous locker room.

HSJ: Who is Johnny Dangerous and why does he have his own locker room?

Cameraman: He is a former World Champion.

HSJ: Hamperdash! He can't be a World Champion before me, especially when I don't even know his name.

Cameraman: But Spike! He Is!

HSJ: Come on and stop wasting time. I need my rest.

(Spike opens the door wide, and walks in, with the cameraman in behind him. Over in the corner of the room, sits Johnny Dangerous, with a pair of headphones on, and a medium sized black machine, with a radar on the top of it. Johnny sees Spike and the Cameraman and quickly throws the headphones off and gets up in a rage.)

JD: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

HSJ: This is my locker room. And Who are you?

JD: THIS ISN'T YOUR LOCKER ROOM! NOW GET OUT!

HSJ: Yes, it is. It had a star on the door, meaning me, because I am a star. I am, THE KING OF THE WORLD!

JD: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! GET OUT!

HSJ: Hey, I need to rest.

Cameraman: Spike, maybe we should leave.

HSJ: No way dude. I need to rest....WHATS THAT?

(Spike walks over to where Johnny was sitting and begins touching buttons on the machines.)

JD: DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!

HSJ: What a weird looking Playstation 2.

JD: THAT ISN'T A PLAYSTATION 2!!! THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND EXPENSIVE GOVERNMENT PROPERTY!

HSJ: Government? With a wrestler like you? Don't you think that's illegal and stuff...?

JD: Well, I, uhh, ummm, ............ GET OUT!

HSJ: Hold on. How do I play DVD's on this?

JD: YOU CAN'T!

HSJ: Don't worry, I found the button.

JD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

(Spike touches a red button, and smoke begins to fill up from the machine. Johnny grabs Spike and pushes him back as he begins rapidly pushing buttons on the machine. Spike just begins to look around the room, as the machine sets on fire.)

JD: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HOW CAN YOU DO SUCH A THING?

HSJ: What are you accusing me of?

JD: OF BREAKING THAT VERY VALUABLE MACHINE!!!!!!

HSJ: HEY DUDE! IF YOU WANT TO CHALLENGE ME TO A MATCH, JUST SAY IT!

JD: WHA...WHA...WH...WHA....WHA....WHAT??????

HSJ: I ACCEPT! ME AND YOU IN A LADDER MATCH ON WRATH!

JD: A LADDER MATCH? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HSJ: And at the top of that ladder! Will Be............!

A BRAND NEW PLAYSTATION 2!!!!

JD: ...............

HSJ: Come on Cameraman, lets get out of here.

Cameraman: Why don't I just leave when he is not looking? Why?

(Spike walks out of the room, with the cameraman following him. The camera zooms in on Johnny.)

JD: Wait till he sees his taxes!

January 16, 2003

"Nah, Axis, you just think you won that one. I'll just sit back and wait for you to get it." King sneers.

"Whatever King. I'll just sit back and watch Fugue have his head caved in I think." Axis puts back and smiles.

"You really are sick, you know that. And you're meant to be impartial around here." King answers.

"Well, I will be, but I can still have my view on what's going on out here. Now, it's show time once more."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is the No Disqualifications 'Snow Shovel' Match! There are two snow shovels placed at each end of the ring which maybe used at any point in the match as a weapon, in any way the opponents see fit to use!”

"I think the only reason we're having this match is because someone is just to lazy to clear away the snow shovels left around all over this damn place." Moans King.

"You're All Gonna Die" Roars into life as the crowd rolls out the cheers.

Over the sound of the music, the call is made.

"Firstly from Birmingham, England, two hundred fifty four pounds, six foot four inches ... DACE NIGHT!"

Dace stalks slowly down to the ring, tagging the hands of everyone that can reach him. Trading his trench coat for some fans' ring side chairs, he throws them into the ring, landing with a loud thud and a clatter, before he walks round the ring, picks up the two snow shovels and tosses them into the ring as well. Climbing between the ropes Dace stands tall in the middle of the ring and poses for the crowd, as camera flashes go off in time with cheers.

"Looks like Dace Night intends to take full advantage of this No DQ stipulation, and the snow shovels. It doesn't have good signs for Fugue." Notes Axis

"Toccata and Fugue in D minor" starts up, as Fugue appears and starts slinking down towards the ring.

"From Philadelphia, one hundred eighty one pounds, five foot eleven inches ... FUGUE!"

The crowd turns to a wave of pure hatred and booing as Fugue advances on the ring.

He slips between the ropes into the ring, be keeps himself pressed close to the ropes, away from Dace.

"Hardcore style right here. Fugue should be looking to take full advantage of it. I'm sure he has some bolt cutters handy somewhere." King voices

"But for Fugue, Dace is bigger, stronger, tougher and more hardcore."

"We'll see Axis, we'll see." King answers back.

"Two snow shovels, and some chairs already in the ring. Dace isn't wasting any time, give Fugue and plate to set up to right from the bell."

DING, DING, DING!

The fan’s cheers the wrestlers on waiting for the hardcore action that's sure to come.

As both men have stared one another down, the referee has shuffled the pile of chairs and snow shovels into a corner, giving the mad musician a clear run across the ring, into the spread waiting arms if the English Goth, sending him over head and back first to the mat with a powerslam. Planting his elbow into Fugue's face, Dace pulls himself up, and brings his foot stomping down on the madman's hand, sending the bolt cutters skidding out across the ring and too the outside.

The crowd shows it's approval as Dace cuts out Fugue's little extra at the first turn.

"Big powerslam, and Dace sends the bolt cutters to the outside. Fugue is know for carrying them, and it's starting to work against him now."

Clenching his hand in pain, Fugue charges back up in rage, throwing himself into the air and sends Night stumbling back with a dropkick, before dropping to the mat, and letting Dace pass over head as he comes bound back, before coming back up, and sweeping his legs round, dropping Dace to the mat with a drop toe hold.

"A dropkick, duck under, and drop toe hold. Fugue using his speed in this one, trying to blitz Dace while he has the chance." Comments Axis.

"Once Fugue has warn Mr. Night down enough with his speed, he can set to work with that hardcore work and submissions that he loves." King comments.

Grabbing a chair for the corner, Fugue levels it into Dace's head as he rises to, to a mass of booing. He brings it round again, trying to put Dace back down, and then a third finally flattens him.

Fugue drops down and locks his hands for a quick cover.

......1!

......2!

......1/4!

......1/2!

Kickout!

"Three chair shots to put Dace Night down, and then he kicks out at two and a half. Fugue has one big battle in front of him."

More cheers sound around the arena as Dace kicks out from Fugue's cover.

But Fugue goes straight on the offensive again, jumping into the air, and brings all his weight down with a senton. He pushes himself straight back up to his feet, and springs himself over backwards with a moonsault. Coming to his knees, Fugue gives a manic grin, looking around the ring for a game plan as Dace rolls away into the corner.

"Moonsault, senton combo from Fugue, and he's taking his time to look for a game plan."

"Fugue, just go after him, keep hitting him till he stops getting back up." King yells.

Picking up a snow shovel, the musician comes round in a huge arch down to the last place he saw Dace, only for Dace to duck under the swing and tackles Fugue's legs away from under him.

Spreading his legs out, Dace rockets his body backwards, bringing him onto his feet, bringing Fugue along with him. Fugue tries twisting his body in mid air, but Dace turns with Fugue's motion, falls to one knee, and brings Fugue crashing down across the other to a burst of cheering to the fans.

"Double chop block, then back the other way into a German Suplex, but Fugue swings out of it, Dace sees it, swings his body round and brings Fugue down into a Faithless from high in the air." Calls Axis.

"He hit him behind, that's just damn unfair Axis. The Referee really needs to have some words with Dace." Shouts King.

Taking up a chair, Dace beats it on the mat, as Fugue rolls around, trying to shake off the pain in his back. The crowd claps along in time to the chair's banging on the mat. Slowly, watching and waiting, the hardcore veteran circles round Fugue as he rises to his feet. Fugue comes up to see a chair arching through the air towards his face, and catches it in both hands, but he can't see what's behind it, which is Dace Night's boot driven full force into the chair slamming it back into Fugue's face.

The arena explodes as the cold hard metal smashes into the madman's head.

"Yakuza Kick! Into the chair. I don't think Fugue even saw it coming." Yells Axis

Sprawling over Fugue, Dace makes a cover.

......1!

......2!

......1/4!

......1/2!

Kickout!

"Ha! Yes, turn about is all fair. Dace got to kick out at two and a half, and now so does Fugue." Grins King smugly.

"Yer, but it's not over yet King, and Dace has the advantage." Axis puts back.

Dragging Fugue up by the scruff of his neck, Dace bores into him with his eyes, before whipping his arm out forwards for a lariat, but Fugue ducks at the last second. Throwing his arm out, Fugue swings round, hooking Dace's outstretched arm, comes around behind him and hooks the other arm, then Fugue throws all this weight backwards, leaping up and bounding off the turnbuckles, swinging their bodies round, and dropping to the mat, pulling Dace down with him, onto a steel chair.

FUGUE SUCKS! FUGUE SUCKS!

"The fans all over Fugue, as he ducks a lariat, and hits a Tornado Coda onto a steel chair, jarring Dace's spine with that impact."

"Now who has control in this match Axis?" Asks King

Even Fugue is shaken from the impact of the move, and can't bridge forwards into the Harmony, instead he pulls himself up, bringing Dace with him. Switching his grip, Fugue locks his arms around his opponents waist before snapping his body backwards, sending Dace over head to crash shoulders first into the mat.

"What a German Suplex. That took a lot of power from Fugue to take Dace over, but he hasn't got enough left to hold on for the bridge and the pin." Axis calls.

"He can recover, it just means he can lead right into another attack, don't you worry Axis." King fires back.

Following the music in his head, Fugue picks up a snow shovel and holds it high, attracting the booing and hate of the crowd like a magnet. Holding it in both hands almost like a sword, and sweeps it down, hammering it over Dace's exposed back, and follows it up with series of boots to the back, the crowds booing growing louder at everyone that comes down. And another huge swing over the shovel brings it down again, the crack echoing throughout the arena, as Dace tries to roll away and protect his back.

Rolling under the ropes, the Brummie wrestler drags himself up on the apron, to see Fugue advancing across the ring, with a sadistic smile on his face. Fugue swings the snow shovel yet again, Dace ducks, but holds onto the ropes, as they pull, throwing his body back forwards towards the ring, letting him drive a knee between the ropes and into Fugue's gut. The shovel drops to the ring with a clatter as Dace reaches between the ropes, and hauls Fugue up into the air. He turns, with Fugue over head, letting him gaze down at the hard floor below, before tipping him all the way over and throwing him to the floor.

DACE F'N' NIGHT! DACE F'N' NIGHT!

"Scoop Slam off the apron! My God!" This is over." Screams Axis.

"Someone, stops this madness, this brutality. Someone please." King yells.

Both men lay collapsed, Dace on the apron, Fugue on the floor.

The crowd beings beating it’s feet and chanting for someone to get back to their feet.

Dace starts to twitch and finally moves, rolling back under the ropes into the ring, just as Fugue forces himself up from the floor below.

Standing in the middle of the ring, Dace starts down the mad Fugue as he slowly climbs back into the ring.

No sooner that Fugue has both feet on the mat, Dace makes a wild charge across the ring towards him, Fugue swings low, spinning around Night's waist, and hooking his arms from behind, trying to pull him down into a backslide, Dace arches his body round, pulling Fugue with him, trapping him in a double underhook. Dace dead lifts Fugue into the air, but then Fugue throws his body upwards and lands sitting on Dace's shoulder, only to be throw off and land on his feet before he can do anything. Dace is already ducking low, and pops a shoulder under Fugue's body, bringing him up into a fireman’s carry. Swinging his legs, Fugue slides out of the holder, and like a flash slips between the bigger mans legs. Copying Dace from early in the match, Fugue tries a double chop block, Dace manages to put his hands out, and stop his fall to the mat. Spinning himself over on the mat, he leaves Fugue belly up on the mat, with Dace's legs trapping him. Flicking his legs around and bringing them under Fugue's arms, Dace rolls himself back over and leans his body backwards, ending up sitting over the madman's upper back.

"Charge by Dace, Fugue swings past for a backslide, but Dace twists through to a double underhook, Fugue goes up, tries to get himself up faster for some sort of head scissors but gets thrown back to the mat. Lands on his feet, but Dace scoops him up into a fireman’s carry, Fugue swings off, slides between the legs, double chop block, no Dace gets his hands down, rolls over, rolls back through and comes out sitting on Fugue's back!" Axis calls rapidly in time to the action.

The fans burst in a hail of wild cheers as Dace out wrestles Fugue.

Snatching Fugue's left arm, Dace pulls it into a hammerlock, Fugue forces his upper body down to the mat, trying to keep the weight off his arm. Seeing Fugue leaving his head open, Dace pivots his body, sending his legs out in front of Fugue, and releases his grip only to clamp on a Front Facelock.

"Hammerlock rolled in the Crownless front faclock choke!"

Fugue starts into a mad scramble on the back, trying to break free of the hold, as Dace squeezes, cutting off his air. Arching his back, trying to clamp down even further on the hold, Dace gives Fugue an opening, as Fugue slams his feet onto the mat, and jumps, rolling Dace over onto his front, but that still doesn't break the hold. Taking a risk to break the hold, Fugue handstands off the mat, and turns his body just enough to let himself come crashing down across Dace.

"Handstand, and Fugue drops over across Dace. What a counter!" Yells Axis.

......1!

......2!

Kickout!

"Damn, can't that referee even count to three Axis? It isn't hard. He should do his job." King shouts

"You mean counter faster for Fugue?"

"Exactly!"

Fugue comes to his feet first and drives a knee into Dace's back, cutting off his rise. And another knee, and another knee, hammering into Dace's spine.

Hooking Dace's arm, Fugue pulls him up, so he can sweep his legs away and slam his face into the mat.

The crowd is all over Fugue, booing his every single move.

Dragging Dace right back up again, Fugue hooks in the second chicken wing, looking for the Coda, but Dace slips out of his hold and drives a knee into his gutting, stopping Fugue dead.

Wrapping his arms around Fugue's waist, Dace drags him up to his shoulders before throwing him back to the mat with a ring shaking powerbomb, and holds on for the cover.

......1!

......2!

......1/2!

Kickout!

"Single Chicken wing leg sweep, and back up for the Coda, Dace counters with a knee to the gut! Huge Powerbomb! But no, Fugue kicks out again!" Axis shouts along to the action.

"Is Dace bleeding? When the hell did he start bleed Axis? Anyway, Fugue can use that, just sit out the blood lose." King wonders?

Wiping the rapidly growing trickle of blood from his forehead, before flicking it away.

Picking up the nearest snow shovel, Dace takes a testing swing through the air, before turning back to Fugue.

The musician rises right into a home run swing of the snow shovel from Dace, a sick crack ringing through the arena. And then Fugue’s body hits the mat yet again.

......1!

......2!

......1/4!

......1/2!

......3/4!

...Kickout!

The whole arena is filled with a deafening wave of booing and yells of hate as Fugue kicks out of that brutal shot to his head

Dropping a chair at the other end of the ring, before he heads back to Fugue.

Pulling his almost limp body into a head scissors, Dace forces his arms under into a double underhook, and easily lifts the less than two hundred pound man from that mat and runs across the ring. As the reach the other side of the ring and the chair, the wrestling Goth throws Fugue forwards, flipping him and driving him back first into the steel chair. Fugue bounces off the chair from the impact, but Dace holds on as he sits out, keeping Fugue down for the pin.

......1!

......2!

......1/4!

......1/2!

......3/4!

...Kickout!

BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO! BBBBOOOOOOOOO! BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

“Damn It! Fugue kicks out again.” Axis shouts.

“Yes, yes, that’s the way Fugue, just hold on, then he’ll have nothing left to throw at you. You can do it.” King eggs on.

Looking for something to put Fugue down with, Dace picks up two more chairs, and sets them up, the seats facing each other.

“Axis, now what is he doing with those chairs?” King queries

“He’s setting them up to put Fugue down and keep him down” Axis answers.

Dragging Fugue over the chairs, Dace tries to haul Fugue up, but the M7 member sags to his feet, partly from the beating, partly to avoid yet more damage to his body. Dace tries again, but Fugue, in desperation, sweeps with feet out, and just catches Dace, sending him toppling face first into the steel chairs.

The fans once more fill the arena with waves of booing as Fugue gets on the offensive.

Forcing himself to his feet using the edge of a chair, Fugue locks his arms under Dace’s and pulls him back up with a full nelson, just enough to sweep him forwards into the chairs a second time as they give way, covered in the crimson blood of Dace.

“Drop Toe Hold onto the chairs. Full Nelson Reverse Russian Leg Sweep onto the chairs, and they give way. This is it Axis, this is Fugue’s big chance!” King yells out happily.

Bridging himself forwards, still holding onto the full nelson, into the Major Cord, pulling on Dace’s shoulders and neck.

The ref asks Dace if he wants to give up, over the jeering of the fans.

No!

Fugue just arches his body further upwards, putting more pressure on the hold.

The ref asks again.

No!

Fugue tries clinching every muscle he has, doing everything he can to make Dace tap out.

NO!

In frustration, Fugue releases the hold, and in one quick motion, picks up a chair and hammers it down across the back of Dace’s head.

“And there’s a chair shot for good measure. If Dace won’t give up, he’s going to be pinned.” King smiles.

Fugue hooks a leg and leans back, one arm already in the air in hasty victory.

......1!

......2!

......1/4!

......1/2!

......3/4!

Kickout!

Now the arena is filled with a wave of cheering as Dace kicks out.

“And now it’s Dace’s turn, as you say King, to kick out!” Axis cheers.

Picking the snow shovel up in one hand, Fugue barely pulls Dace back to his feet with the other, smashes a boot into his gut, before whipping him off into the ropes.

“Now Fugue is looking to get Dace to run right into a snow shovel shot to end this. I doubt Dace will kick out of his one.” Axis comments.

Flying back off the ropes, Dace digs down deep, and just by inches ducks the deadly swing of the snow shovel from Fugue that was aimed at his head.

“He ducks! Dace ducked!”

“No! Hit him on the way back Fugue, it won’t make any difference if you can hit him this time.” Yells King.

Fugue tries for another swing but can’t get the heavy snow shovel around in time, and as he turns with it to aid his swing, he meets the kiss of death, a move he seemed to have forgotten.

“YAKUZA KICK! Fugue didn’t remember that one from before in the match. Time and time and time again, Dace will bring that move back to haunt, and put you down to make the opening he needs.” Shouts Axis.

Collapsing beside Fugue, Dace pants, trying to push his body up first and win the match.

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

The crowd beats faster and faster, urging Dace up.

Both Dace and Fugue roll up and come to their feet, but Dace is up just a second early, adrenaline still rushing through his body.

Lashing his foot out and driving his boot deep into Fugue's gut, Dace quickly clamps an arm around his head and hooks his tights. Pulling Fugue up into the air. He holds Fugue for just a moment for violently dropping back to the mat, bringing Fugue with him neck first. Not stopping there, Dace rolls over, still holding Fugue and brings him up into the air again, this time holding him for longer, letting the blood run into his head before bringing him crashes down neck first to the mat.

“Ouch! Double Ouch! Two Sheer Drop Brainbustaaahhhhs! Fugue is out cold, this one has to be over.” Yells Axis.

Grabbing a snow shovel, Dace slides down by Fugue, as scissors his arm, before pulling the handle of the snow shovel across his face, and wrenches back.

“Code Black with the Snow Shovel! That could break Fugue’s face open!”

The referee steps in to check on Fugue. He asks, and gets no response.

He asks again, and gets no response.

DING! DING! DING!

“Fugue is unable to continue. So your winner ... DACE NIGHHHTTT!”

You’re All Gonna Die roars into life again as Dace releases the hold and stands over the unmoving body of Fugue, blood dripping down like a growing water fall onto the madman.

“And it’s over, Fugue couldn’t match Dace in this one. It was some measure of revenge for the M7’s attack last week.” Says Axis.

“Someone please come and get that smug smile of his face please, it needs to happen right now.” King says.

“You can wish King, you can wish.” Axis replies.

The cameras fade out as Dace continues to pose in the ring.

January 16, 2003

(We come back on air as Dace Night is lying on the entrance ramp, being put on a stretcher by EMT's. We cut over to Axis and The Suicide King.)

Axis: Folks, over the commercial break, Dace Night was attacked by "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins after his Snow Shovel Match with Fugue.

Suicide King: That was one of the greatest things I ever saw!

Axis: That is sick, King. Fans, here is what took place only a few minutes ago.

Suicide King: We get to watch it again? Great!

{MOMENTS AGO}

(Dace Night rolls out of the ring, after a tough grueling match with Fugue, wiping the blood from his eyes. Dace begins to stumble up the entrance ramp, as around the side of Dace, jumps "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins over the guardrail, with his cameraman right behind him. In Spike's hands is one of the snow shovels that was used in the match between Dace and Fugue. Dace continues walking up the ramp, unaware that Spike is behind him, and *CRACK*. Across the back of Dace's head, Spike slams the shovel down. Dace falls face first to the steel ramp, and turns over onto his back, holding the back of his head in pain. Spike lifts the snow shovel above Dace, and drives it down into the throat of Dace. Spike takes the snow shovel handle, and begins to drive the edge of it into Dace's throat, choking the life out of Dace. Officials come running from the back, and try to pull Spike off of Dace, but Spike just puts more pressure on the throat. Spike finally pulls off of Dace, with officials grabbing Spike and pulling him off, Dace rolls around on the ground, holding his throat in pain. Spike has a big smile on his face, and begins to pose towards the booing crowd as EMT's begin to run down the ramp with a stretcher.)

{MOMENTS AGO}

Axis: Well fans, Dace Night is being stretched out of the building. What a shame. What kind of sick human being is Spike Jenkins?

Suicide King: A smart, sick human being.

Axis: God, lets get on to the next segment, PLEASE?

January 16, 2003

(We cut backstage again to Spike Jenkins, as he is once again walking down the hallways, after his attack on Dace Night. The cameraman follows him, but stops doing his job, and tries to stop Spike.)

Cameraman: Spike, don't you think you did enough tonight?

HSJ: Why would I have enough?

Cameraman: Well, you did have your match, then attacking Dace, and that whole, you know, Chris Card thing.

HSJ: Who is Chris Card?

Cameraman: You don't remember arguing with Chris Card over Natasha?

HSJ: Chris Card? Doesn't ring a bell. But Natasha. Hmmm...

Cameraman: Spike, maybe you should leave the arena, before, you know, Dace finds you and beats the crap out of you.

HSJ: Dace? I am not scared of him! As a matter of fact, Dace is scared of ME!

(A door is slammed shut down the hallway, causing Spike to jump behind the cameraman in fear.)

HSJ: IS THAT DACE? IS THAT DACE?

(Spike looks over the cameraman's shoulder, as Janus, the SJL European Champion, walks up to them, with the European title over his shoulder, giving them both a weird look. Spike lets go of the cameraman and wipes the dust off his shirt, before looking up at Janus.)

HSJ: What are you looking at, Big, Tall, and Dumb? Haha!

(Spike turns towards the cameraman while laughing, while the cameraman shakes his head NO, with Janus looking down at both of them. Spike turns back to Janus.)

HSJ: So ugly, how is it keeping MY title warm? Huh? You do realize that is MY title, and I can take it away from you with the snap of my fingers.

Janus: I would like to see you try.

HSJ: Oh wow, he could speak! Amazing. But the real question is, can he read? Haha.

Cameraman: Spike, I don't think you should...

HSJ: So Janus, how many fingers am I holding up (Spike lifts two fingers up.)? Oh wait, I forgot, you don't know how to COUNT! Haha.

Janus: You are lucky I have a match now.

HSJ: Oh you do? And if you didn't, what would you do? Cry to your UGLY, FAT, MOTHER? Haha!

Cameraman: Oh God...

Janus: You are really starting to piss me off.

HSJ: Oh No! I am pissing Big Foot off! Oh Dear! What are you going to do about it, Punk?

Janus: First, I am going to the ring. Then, I am going to kick Johnny Dangerous ass. Then, I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!

HSJ: Say it, Don't Spray It!

(Janus starts to walk past Spike, hitting Spike shoulder-to-shoulder, knocking Spike back a bit.)

HSJ: HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!

(Spike runs around in front of Janus.)

HSJ: You want to kick my ass so bad? Well, Sasquatch, fine! Next week on Wrath! Me and you! One on One!

Janus: When we meet in the ring, I am going to hurt you. Really, Really Bad!

(Spike looks really shaken up at this. Janus begins to walk off as Spike just looks over at him. Spike waits till Janus is far down the hall where he can't hear him.)

HSJ: Yeah! Well, YOU'RE FAT!

Cameraman: Spike! What are you doing?

HSJ: What?

Cameraman: You just booked yourself in a match with Janus!

HSJ: I did?

Cameraman: YES!

HSJ: Wow, that therapy is working really well.

Cameraman: You already have a match for Wrath!

HSJ: Against who?

Cameraman: CHRIS CARD!

HSJ: Who is that?

Cameraman: .......

HSJ: Come on, there is still stuff I have to do.

Cameraman: I think you should leave the building Spike...

HSJ: Why?

Cameraman: Three reasons. Dace Night, Chris Card, and Janus!

HSJ: Those aren't reasons, those are names. Stupid!

Cameraman: .........

January 16, 2003

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to SJL Metal!"

Axis' voice greets the viewers as the show comes back from commercial, however the camera is not on the announce table but rather panning the crowd as it always does after a break, catching signs like "Bring back My Superior Man!" and "Fugue Is Harmonious!" As it settles on ringside, it passes over a sign with a reasonable likeness of the face of Janus, and next to it the words "Mag-7" with a big red X splashed over it.

Axis: "That sign poses a damn good question when you look at it."

Suicide King: "So the Magnificent Seven respects him. He said himself he doesn't like cheating, so he wouldn't join up...even though he secretly wants to!"

Axis: "Yeah right, he's the Anti-Heel Machine, remember?"

As Funyon steps into the ring to make an announcement, the house lights go dim. The fans go hushed for a moment as they try to guess which superstar is coming out, and then a female voice practically sings through the arena....

"Johnny Dangerous!"

The fans erupt into massive cheers as the Mission: Impossible 2 theme booms out of the speakers, and bright lights flash every which way as the crowd cheers on one of their favourites. As the tuxedo-clad super spy steps out onto the stage, Funyon lifts his microphone to his lips.

Funyon: "The following contest is a NON TITLE match, and is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada! He weighs two hundred and ten pounds.... he iiiiiiis....JOOOOOHNY DAAAAAANGEEEEROUSSSSSSS!"

The fans roar their approval once more as Johnny strolls down the ramp with a grin on his face, rubbing his jaw and blowing a kiss to a girl here, and wink to another girl or two over there, before climbing into the ring and mounting the turnbuckles for a moment to lap up the welcome-back attention from the crowd.

Axis: "It's great to see Johnny back in the ring after Fugue busted his jaw with a pair bolt cutters before the break."

Suicide King: "And hopefully before this match is over we'll see his jaw ruined again!"

Axis: "That's just...wrong, King..."

The fans' cheers hush once more as the lights just don't dim this time, they flat-out die as the gentle riffs of "As Darkness Falls" echo across the arena and a spotlight settles on the stage entrance. Several fans start to cheer, but it's a very mixed reaction as they recognise the song. As the guitar riffs turn heavy, a bolt of lightning strikes in the Smarktron movie, as well as the stage with a loud BOOM as Janus steps out from behind the curtain with his European title over his shoulder. He cracks his neck as Funyon announces.

Funyon: "And his opponent, hailing from Sydney Australia! He weighs three hundred and fifty pounds and is the S...J...L...EURRRRRROPEAN CHAMPION.....JAAAAAAAANUS!"

Without a word, Janus strides to the ring, walking around it and staring up at Johnny as he puts his European title belt down on the timekeeper's table, then walks calmly up the stairs to the ring and steps over the top rope. He cracks his knuckles almost ominously as he stares at the leader of Wild and Dangerous Nights.

Axis: "Janus is a real head case right now....he calls himself the Anti-Heel Machine.....but last Crimson..."

Suicide King: "He left in the company of the Magnificent Seven, which is something no respectable face would do."

Axis stares at King for a moment.

Suicide King: "That's what you would've said, right Axis?"

The Australian commentator nods his head and looks at King a moment longer for not being the one to insult Janus straight off, and then both commentators turn their attention to the ring as Janus and Johnny slowly circle each other. The silent giant finally makes the first move, locking up with the Barracuda in a textbook collar-and-elbow tie-up, the two superstars grappling for superiority. With his superior strength, Janus wins and flings Johnny towards the ropes, lifting his leg up for a big boot. But Johnny ducks and rebounds, lunging into the air with a flying clothesline.

Axis: "No effect! No effect at all!"

Suicide King: "Janus is just too big for the so-called secret agent to take down like that!"

Indeed, Janus is still on his feet, and his opponent rubs his arm for a moment before the giant rushes in with a giant clothesline of his own - that misses, and he spins around to locate his opponent.....as Dangerous reaches up and drops to his knees, cracking Janus' jaw on the top of the agent's head with a jawbreaker! Staggering in surprise, Janus sees his foe coming in again, and then he staggers a little more as Johnny Dangerous unleashes some of the rock-hard punches he's known for!

However Janus is not one to take this punishment lightly, and he blocks the next punch with an arm, before rocking the secret agent with a hammering fist to the jaw! Johnny stumbles away, holding his still-tender mouth, and giving Janus the advantage as the giant hooks Johnny's head and shoulder before dropping him to the canvas with a single-arm DDT! Sitting right back up, Janus rolls the agent over and pins...

ONE...

Barely a one count before Johnny thrusts an arm into the air, and Janus rolls off him with a frown, climbing back to his feet as Johnny does likewise.

Axis: "Quick pin attempt by Janus there...he looks like he's frowning and not too pleased, even though it's just early in the match!"

Suicide King: "Well we've seen him lose his temper before in no-disqualification matches. Something's REALLY bugging the big guy! This should be interesting to see!"

Again, the twosome face each other down in the ring. After a moment, Janus charges, lowering his shoulder, but showing great athleticism, Johnny leaps over the charging giant, and as Janus rebounds, the secret agent uses the momentum to snap Janus over his head with a belly-to-belly suplex! The giant hits the canvas almost directly behind the smaller superstar, who despite the momentum couldn't lift the full three hundred and fifty pounds of European champion. Getting back to his feet while Janus regains his senses, Johnny lifts his arm and then drops an elbow into Janus' sternum, rising and dropping again three or four times in succession, each blow driving more air out of the so-called Anti-Heel machine. This time it's the secret agent who hooks a leg, with a lateral press across the giant's chest.

ONE....

And Janus benchpresses Johnny off, shifting his grip so he's holding the agent against his chest as he sits up - and then the motive becomes clear as the giant rises to his feet while putting Johnny across his shoulders! Janus spins around slowly in the ring to show off, and makes to crater Johnny's skull into the canvas with a death valley driver, but the wily superstar swings his legs off Janus' shoulders and nails a reverse tornado DDT, smashing Janus into the canvas! The giant lets out an indistinct argh of pain, but slowly sits back up.

Axis: "Tremendous counter to the death valley driver there by Johnny Dangerous."

Suicide King: "Janus should've just cratered him into the canvas instead of showing off. The crowd doesn't know whether to cheer for him or not even if he poses!"

This time the giant is back to his feet first, holding a hand to the back of his head for a moment. Johnny sees this and runs to the ropes and bounces to gain momentum, but finds himself plucked out of the air and spun around before crashed back into the canvas with a whirl sideslam! Janus gets right back up and with a low growl in his throat begins mercilessly laying the stomps into the secret agent's chest area, which gets some boos from the crowd. The giant runs to the ropes and bounces, then slows himself down and leaps into the air, his monsterous leg coming down to smash Johnny's jaw.....

....and smashing canvas instead as the secret agent rolls out of the way of three hundred and fifty pounds of jaw-crushing doom! Janus grits his teeth as Johnny rises to his feet and slaps his leg, getting ready.....and as Janus rises once more, the agent springs forward and unleashes a patented Johnny Kick. Showing tremendous reflexes, Janus catches the foot in mid kick and spins Johnny around, and making to hook his arms with a full nelson! However Johnny is much too slippery for that and drives a quick elbow into the giant's sternum, breaking what looked like a half-nelson, before spinning around and throwing his heel straight into the giant's chest/throat area with a spinning heel kick!

Axis: "Tremendous display of skill by both men! Janus blocks the Johnny Kick and attempts to cinch in a full nelson, but got as far as a half-nelson before Johnny broke the hold and smacked Janus in the chest with a spinning heel kick!"

Suicide King: "Johnny's already desperate even though it's early in the match. He knows if he gives Janus a chance the giant is gonna walk over him, which is just what I'm hoping for."

With the giant reeling, the secret agent rocks the giant's abdomen with some Hands of Stone™ style punches, doubling Janus over. The agent swiftly hooks the giant's neck and spins around, dropping him to the floor with a swinging neckbreaker before hooking a leg.

ONE!

TWO....

Janus thrusts an arm into the air and shakes his head, as Johnny rolls off him. The giant sprawls to catch his breath after those shots to the abdomen, and as such doesn't see Johnny mounting the ropes. The secret agent balances, and lifts his hands to the crowd before throwing himself off the turnbuckle, twisting his body around in the air much like a corkscrew....

....Janus sees him coming, but doesn't move his arms in time.....

....and ends up having said arms crushed against his chest as Johnny smashes into his 7'2 frame with a corkscrew moonsault! Dangerous bounces off the giant and holds his ribs after flying so high, and the giant twitches on the ground, still attempting to suck in air after having it driven out of him once more. Crawling over, Johnny hooks a leg and leans across the giant's body!

ONE!

TWO!

TH....

Axis: "Nooooo! Kickout by Janus! The giant must be really off his game tonight! He almost got pinned!"

Suicide King: "Well he looks like he hasn't been himself lately, some Anti-Heel Machine he is going off with the best stable ever in this business...."

Janus sits up slowly, still holding his torso, and rises to his feet. Seeing an opportunity, the secret agent goes for it, jumping into the air and landing on Janus' shoulders. Before he can execute a 'rana, Janus locks his grip around Johnny's legs, attempting to hoist him into sit-out powerbomb position. Mr. Dangerous doesn't like that idea, and shakes his head, and throws his body back for a hurricanrana. Janus teeters....but doesn't fall over, instead holding the secret agent as is, with his head dangling between the giant's legs. A smile grows on the giant's face, a strange smile that's devoid of most emotion....

....and he whips Johnny back up into powerbomb position, and then sits out - however, the angle of the sit-out powerbomb has Dangerous landing almost on his head!! Half the crowd boos loudly, while the other half starts a chant.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Axis: "Jesus CHRIST! He almost dropped Johnny right on his skull! That was a sloppy sit-out powerbomb there!"

Suicide King: "Unless he was TRYING to injure our dear 'secret agent' with that move, Axis!"

Axis: "Janus wouldn't do that....would he?"

The giant stays sitting down for a moment, watching Johnny sprawl on the canvas and hold his head, and that grin slides across his face once more. Slowly rising to his feet, Janus draws a thumb across his throat as he drags Dangerous back to his feet and cinches in a front-facelock, before hoisting the secret agent high into the air with a vertical suplex. The crowd hushes up in anticipating the sight of Janus' "Rage Unleashed"...

...but Johnny still has the brains to know where he is...

...and slides down Janus' back, dragging him down with a massive reverse neckbreaker! The back of Janus' head snaps into the canvas and he literally bounces several inches into the air before settling to the ground. Within inches of each other's grasp, both superstars sprawl on the mat to catch their breath. Surprisingly, both recover almost simultaneously - as Janus sits up, his opponent scales the ropes yet again and measures the giant. Janus rises once more to his feet, deep green eyes seeking out his opponent - and finding him when Johnny leaps off the turnbuckle with a picture perfect missile dropkick to Janus' ribcage! The giant reels backwards under the impact, resetting his sights on Dangerous as the secret agent shifts his weight sideways and drives a lightning-fast, hard-hitting Johnny Kick directly to Janus' chin!

Axis: "JOHNNY KICK!"

Suicide King: "Don't have an orgasm, Axis! Janus is still on his feet!"

Axis: "True, King, but his brains have probably been scrambled!"

Johnny Dangerous sees Janus still on his feet, the giant wavering as he attempts to recover from the stunning impact of having that boot hit his jaw. Slapping his leg, Johnny signals to the crowd for a moment for another Johnny Kick, turning his head to watch the fans as they cheer....and he turns it back to receive a nice large boot IN THE GODDAMN FACE, courtesy of Janus. The crowd boos the hefty giant, who looks down to see Johnny sprawled on the canvas, shaking his head to try and clear it of that impact, and holding his jaw. There's a silence for a moment, and then the giant lumbers to the ropes, bouncing to gain momentum.

Johnny hears him coming, and expecting another legdrop, he rolls towards the giant, who leaps over the agent's body. Johnny tries to climb to his feet to meet the threat head on, not spotting how Janus rebounds off the ropes again, gaining more momentum....and as the secret agent straightens up, he's driven backwards by three-hundred-and-fifty pounds of force crashing directly into his ribcage as Janus mercilessly sends Johnny Dangerous crashing to the ground with a Gore. Sprawled half in ring and half on the apron, Dangerous doesn't look like he knows where he is, much less knowing what he could do to turn the tide.

Suicide King: "And a GORE to the so called super spy's ribcage leaves Dangerous down and hurt!"

Axis: "And Janus standing tall and proud! I may be an Australian, and proud of it, but I'm having a hard time trying to reconcile what Janus is doing here."

Suicide King: "He's destroying Johnny Dangerous, Axis! What's so hard to understand about that??"

Axis: "But he's the Anti-Heel Machine! Shouldn't he reserve that for someone who deserves it!?"

The Suicide King's reply is cut off as Janus drags Johnny back into the ring, pulling the dazed secret agent to his feet and wrapping a huge arm around him before hoisting him up and holding......holding.....and finally dropping him across one raised knee with a pendulum backbreaker. Johnny screams in pain, trying to simultaneously clutch his back and ribcage at the same time. Janus rises back to his feet, looking at the battered superstar, and then turns his back and lifts his arms in a premature victory celebration - and gets a shower of boos?

Janus cocks his head slightly as if studying the crowd, listening to the boos. Slowly, he lowers one arm, holding the other in the air and clenching the fingers of that hand in a familiar signal as he turns around....to see Dangerous bouncing off the ropes and leaping into the air. Wrapping an arm around Janus' head, the secret agent swings his body around the giant's, using the momentum to drag Janus right off his feet with a monsterous tornado DDT! This gets a tremendous pop from the crowd, as Dangerous rolls Janus over and hooks a leg!

ONE!

TWO!

TH....

Janus benchpresses the agent off him, sitting up more slowly after that impact, holding his head. The giant's apparently dazed state makes a perfect target - as he rises, Johnny hooks Janus' head with a front face lock and holds out his other arm, before swivelling his body 180º and driving an elbow into the centre of the giant's spine! Janus arghs and falls back to the canvas, as Dangerous looks down at his titanic opponent, and again scales the ropes.

Axis: "The match is back in Johnny's favour! Taking Janus down with that tornado DDT, and after he got up, makes him stay down with a front face-lock elbow drop!"

Suicide King: "But we all know what happens when high-risk manoeuvre are tried for Axis! They miss!"

Axis: "Not all the time, but as we can see Johnny's on the top rope....."

The secret agent poses on the top rope, looking over his shoulder at Janus sprawled face down on the canvas, and then flinging his body off the turnbuckle. Johnny's body arcs through the air in a graceful moonsault as he brings his feet together, in a movement that is sure to pulverise even the giant's spine....

....and the moonsault double-stomp misses as Janus rolls out of the way! Landing hard on his feet, Johnny cringes visibly and grits his teeth, the impact stunning him long enough for Janus to rise like some monsterous entity and hook both of Johnny's arms in a full nelson. The giant then throw himself backwards - slamming the secret agent's head into the canvas with a full nelson suplex, and bridging for a pin!

Axis: "Johnny misses the moonsault double stomp, and Janus can't capitalise even with that full nelson suplex! Johnny's too close to the ropes!"

Suicide King: "Bah! This would be Janus' match if it wasn't for that!"

Indeed, Johnny had the presence of mind to reach out and grab the nearby rope, breaking the pin. Showing no remorse, Janus releases the bridge and gets back up, grimacing at the pain going through his battered body as he lifts one hand high. The secret agent pulls himself up in the corner, just in time for Janus to lock a hand around his throat....lifting Dangerous out of the corner and throwing him down to the mat with a tremendous chokeslam! However, Janus doesn't stop there - he cinches his monster hand around Dangerous' throat in a blatant choke attempt!

Axis: "Dammit Janus! You're not supposed to do that! It's an illegal move!"

Suicide King: "He's showing that he doesn't have to be nice all the time, Axis!"

Axis: "Maybe this has something to do with when he left on Crimson..."

The referee finally makes Janus break the chokehold, and the giant rises to his feet, dragging Johnny with him as he hooks the secret agent's head and draws a thumb across his throat before again hoisting him up with a massive vertical suplex. The giant smiles as he holds Johnny high in the air....and falters as he feels the secret agent wriggle out of his grip! The giant scowls and turns around, only to be met with a thunderous Johnny Kick that knocks him right off his feet! Without a pause, the secret agent races for the ropes, leaping up and springboarding off with a fist held ready...

...Janus opens his eyes on the canvas....

....just as Johnny's fist crashes down into his sternum! The giant jerks, eyes closing as if the pulverising flying fist had knocked him out to his torso. Axis stands up from his announcing position, yelling excitedly into his headset.

Axis: "ARMED AND DANGEROUS! THAT'S GOTTA BE ALL!"

Suicide King: "Pffft, oh please, you've seen Janus kick out of harder moves than a wimpy running fist drop."

The secret agent crawls over to Janus' body, and attempts to hook Both legs as he pins laterally!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!...???

Axis: "What...was that a three count??"

Suicide King: "Don't look at me! Look at the referee, you damn Aussie!"

Johnny rises off Janus, looking at the referee, who shrugs and points down at Janus' shoulder, which is raised off the canvas despite the fact he appears to be unconscious, and then signals to the crowd it was only a two count. The secret agent sighs and leans down to pick Janus up by the hair....and is taken aback when the giant's eyes snap up with undisclosed fury. Using Johnny as a crutch, the giant pulls himself to his feet, staring at the secret agent, who stares right back in surprise for several moments....

....and drives a punch into Janus' jaw! The giant rocks on his feet, and then delivers a thunderous punch of his own to Johnny's face, leaving the weak-jawed agent reeling again! The giant advances, clearly furious, and is met with a stiff barrage of punches that send him reeling backwards! Desperation clearly showing on Johnny's face as he realises the giant has gotten an unwanted second wind, the secret agent hits the ropes and bounces back, but as he leaps into the air, Janus catches him in a stiff bearhug...and then pulverises Johnny's spine with an authorative high angle spinebuster!

Axis: "Jesus kehy-RIST! Janus looks like he's planning to simply demolish Johnny! Kicking out of the Armed and Dangerous, and then getting into a proverbial war with the secret agent's fists!"

Suicide King: "Puh-leeeeze. Secret agent? More like 'washed up' agent....."

Janus looks down at the stirring form of Johnny Dangerous, then at the crowd around him that's booing at the destruction he's visiting upon one of the SJL's top good guys. He shakes his head after a moment's pause, and drags the secret agent to his feet for a moment as if contemplating....and then drives a hard boot into Johnny's gut, doubling him over! The secret agent wheezes for air as Janus tucks Johnny's head between his legs with a standing headscissors. With a grim smile on his face, Janus lifts both hands, and draws both across his throat with slow relish.

Axis: "What the hell is Janus doing!? What's he signalling for!?"

Suicide King: "Well, I happened to do a background check on our lovely giant......this is a move he likes to call the 'Dark Bomb', my dear Axis."

Bending down, Janus locks his arms around Johnny's waist and pulls the secret agent up into the air, stretching his arms and lifting Dangerous high in an elevated powerbomb position. The crowd is hushed, as are the commentators, as Janus holds the move. He tilts his head back, hair falling from his face as he looks up, locking eyes with Johnny Dangerous.

The secret agent shakes his head.

Janus just smiles bleakly and nods....

....before SMASHING Johnny head-and-neck first into the canvas with the DARK BOMB!

The secret agent crumples into a heap, as Janus throws his head back to clear the hair from his face. The crowd breaks out into another mixture of "Holy Shit" and "Boooo" chants as Janus leisurely straightens Johnny out and pins him laterally, hooking a leg.

Axis: "NO! It can't be over!"

ONE!

Suicide King: "Yessssss....Janus just KILLED Johnny with that move! It's done!"

TWO!

Axis: "Why, Janus!? WHY?"

THREE!!!

*DINGDINGDING*

Funyon lifts his microphone from where he is, too nervous to head into the ring.

Funyon: "The winner of this bout.....the Smarks Junior League EUROPEAN CHAMPION.....JAAAAAAAAAAANUS!"

As opposed to wild cheers, the crowd boos the destruction the giant has wreaked, as he slides out of the ring to take his European title, and then slides right back in and lifts the belt above his 7'2'' head with a bleak and somehow sadistic smile on his face, as SJL Metal fades to commercial.....

January 16, 2003

(The camera's cut backstage, where we see Wildchild walking down a hallway, on his way to the ring for his big tag match. Wildchild continues walking down the hallway, when he passes by "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins, and the cameraman that Spike had been pulling around all day. Wildchild barely notices the two, and continues walking.)

HSJ: Good Luck tonight. You're gonna need it.

(Wildchild stops dead in his tracks, and turns to Spike, slowly walking over to him.)

WC: Whaz did you zay?

Cameraman: Jesus Christ. Here we go again.

HSJ: Did you not hear me? I said you are going to need luck in your match tonight.

WC: And whaz makez joo think I am gonna to needz luck?

HSJ: Well, you are YOU. And with the match you have next, you need all the luck in the world, buddy.

WC: Zay...you were'a that guyz that help da M7 kizz my ass...

HSJ: Kiss you're ass?

WC: Dah! Dah! Kizz my ass

HSJ: Kiss you're ass?

Cameraman: I think he is trying to say "Kick You're Ass."

HSJ: Oh...

WC: Dah! Dah!

HSJ: So I was. You got a problem about it?

WC: Joo damn righta I gotza problem wit it!

HSJ: What are you going to do about it?

Cameraman: Spike, don't do this!

WC: Bettez listen to da frien ovea der.

HSJ: He isn't my friend. He has been following me all day.

Cameraman: YOU'VE BEEN DRAGGING ME AROUND ALL DAY!

HSJ: Quiet....

WC: Yo dawgz, I don have time fer diz.

HSJ: You better make time for me. I am the Greatest Wrestler in the World! The Most Charismatic Superstar in the SJL! THE KING OF THE WORLD!!

WC: (In perfect English) And You Suck.

HSJ: NO, I DON'T!

WC: Zes, joo do.

HSJ: No.

WC: Zes.

HSJ: No.

WC: Zes.

HSJ: Yes.

WC: Exactlaz!

HSJ: GOD DAMNIT! Cameraman, take a note for me. Stop trying reverse psychology. You got that?

Cameraman: No.

HSJ: Good.

WC: I donta hava time for dis. I gotz e motch do win.

HSJ: A MATCH! ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO A MATCH?

WC: No...

HSJ: YES YOU DID!

WC: No, I didnt.

HSJ: I heard you say "I challenge you to a match, you sexy bitch."

WC: Whenz did I eva call joo a sexy bizatch?

HSJ: Right there.

WC: I do not call youz a sexy bizatch.

HSJ: I heard you say it! Did you hear him say it cameraman?

Cameraman: No.

WC: Zee!

HSJ: Wildchild, you can't SEE words. Duh.

WC: Ugh, I don'tz hav time fer dis. I gotaa match.

HSJ: What about our match?

WC: WHATZ MATCH?

HSJ: The match you challenged me to after calling me a sexy bitch.

WC: I DIDNT CALL JOO A SEXY BIZATCH!

HSJ: Hey, it's okay if you did. Come on. Look at me. I AM A SEXY BITCH.

WC: .........

HSJ: Anyway, I accept your challenge!

WC: What challeng?

HSJ: The challenge you made to me!

WC: I didn'tz make achalleng.

HSJ: I accept your challenge, and we will wrestle on Wrath!

Cameraman: Spike! No!

WC: If I acceptz dis match, will joo leta me go?

HSJ: What are you? Scared?

Cameraman: Uhh, Spike. NO!

WC: I'M NOTZ SCARD!

HSJ: Good, then we will meet on Wrath!

WC: Joo got amatch.

(Wildchild walks off as Spike turns towards the cameraman with a smile on his face.)

Cameraman: Spike.

HSJ: Yes.

Cameraman: You're an idiot.

HSJ: Pfft. I have a match for Wrath.

Cameraman: Not A Match. FOUR MATCHES! You have FOUR MATCHES for Wrath.

HSJ: Against who?

Cameraman: Chris Card, Janus, Johnny Dangerous, and Wildchild!

HSJ: What are you talking about?

Cameraman: AHHH! I GIVE UP!

January 16, 2003

“With all the exciting action that has already taken place this evening, one has to wonder, where the SJL is heading next?” says Axis as we return from the final commercial of the evening.

“You would think so wouldn’t you? But, to be quite honest, I’m not sure I give a damn,” replies The Suicide King. “Quite frankly, the only part of this show that holds my interest is Natasha. Everything else is like a pale reflection of what life truly is. There shall be no wine before it is time. Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.”

“You’ve finally lost all sense of reality haven’t you?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” shrugs the King of Hearts, “I think the pressure of being the top guy in SWF is getting to me. Maybe I need a massage... or a hooker.”

“Well this next contest is going to be an odd one even by the Suicide King’s standards. It will have our World Champion, teaming with an announcer taking on a returning member of the SWF who is teaming with the World Champion’s archrival. And should WildChild score the pin against Ejiro Fasaki, he will be rewarded with a title shot in the very near future. So we’ll have to pay extra attention as those two come to blows during this contest. And look how is coming to the ring now...” mutters Axis with some disgust creeping into his voice.

“It’s the greatest ring announcer since ... I don’t really follow ring announcers that much but I like this one, Tony Hydra.”

The camera pulls off from the announcers to catch Ejiro Fasaki’s personal announcer stepping up the ringside steps and walking into the ring. Not wearing the traditional tuxedo this week, Tony looks far more natural wearing a pair of red workout pants and a white tank top. Stepping into the center of the ring, Hydra throws a mean look towards Funyon as the regular announcer makes his way out of the ring immediately. Then, Hydra readies himself and prepares his speech.

“Ladies and Gentlemen... this will be your MAIN EVENT for this evening. Introducing first, hailing from Trenton, New Jersey and weighing in at 236 pounds... Me! And my partner...”

The smattering of boos for the relative newcomer pales in comparison to the hoard of catcalls that descend as Biohazard’s “Sellout” plays from the sound system of The Verizon Arena. Stepping though the curtain, Ejiro Fasaki looks out to the fans with his usual disdain as they reply with the same. Slowly stepping down the aisle, Fasaki steps up to the apron as Tony Hydra completes his announcing duties.

“He weighs in at 188 pounds and hails from Sarasota, Florida. He is the greatest single wrestler that George W. Bush has ever been president for. He makes Lou Thez look like T. L. Hopper. He is the Emperor of Professional Wrestling and your SJL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Allow ME to present to YOU, EJIRO FASAKI!”

Stepping up to the ropes, Ejiro raises his arm and the World Heavyweight Title high into the air as pyrotechnics fire off into the air from the turnbuckles. Stepping off the ropes, Ejiro gracefully lands in the center of the ring before handing the title off to Hydra and pulling off his long leather coat. Stepping into the ropes again and again, Ejiro warms up with muscles in preparation for the battle to come. He doe not have long to wait though before Funyon begins his duties for the other side of this epic battle.

“And their opponents...”

You will get yours...

YOU WILL GET YOURS!”

A blast of white pyrotechnics blast into the air as the entranceway fills with smoke. That is until Longdogger Pete and The WildChild step on through the opening. Raising one arm in the air, Pete is soon passed from behind by the far edgier WildChild. Jogging up to the ring, WildChild jumps and somersaults through the middle and bottom ropes before coming to his feet immediately and attempting to go face to face with Ejiro Fasaki. But the World Champion will have none of that as he quickly darts behind his ring announcer. WildChild decides not to pursue the matter any further until Longdogger Pete makes his way into the ring.

Funyon finishes up; “They weigh in at a total combined weight of 499 pounds, introducing first, The WILDCHILLLLLLLLLLD! And his partner, making his return to the ring, put your hands together for, LONGDOGGER PEEEEEEEEEEEEETE!”

Referee Eddy Long signals to both teams that he’s about to get things started as they all decide who is going to get things started. For the one team, Tony Hydra almost immediately heads to the apron as Ejiro continues to stretch himself out to prepare for this contest as the other side has a little conversation before WildChild slings himself over the top rope and stands on the apron. Looking over at this development and seeing the 6’7” One Man Wrecking Crew standing there like a colossus, Ejiro quickly steps through the ropes and asks for a microphone.

“Wait just one minute,” starts off Ejiro, “Now hold on. Now, I just want you to know something Pete. I want you to know that ... I RESPECT YOU BOOKERMAN! But this is about me and that shoeless wonder that is standing over in that corner. So what I want you to do is gimp your way over to that piece of human trash and tag him in so we can get this settled once and for all. And I will not get into the ring until it happens!”

Looking out of the ring towards Ejiro and then to his corner, The Longdogger shakes his head for just a moment before reaching out a long arm and tagging in the man from the Bahamas. Leaping over the top with an angry look on his face, WildChild motions to Ejiro to get into the ring and get this match finally underway.

“This is a strange move by Fasaki if you ask me,” states Axis, “If he takes the pin from Longdogger Pete, it really has no effect on his title. But if he loses the fall to The WildChild, he is going to be forced to give him a title match later on. I wonder what he could be thinking here.”

“Please, Axis, Ejiro knows that he’s not going to be taking a pin fall from either the broken down used-to-be or the never-will. He owns both of these guys like I own The Hville Thugg. It’s just a matter of picking out which guy he wants to destroy first and it looks like that will be WildChild.”

Sliding back into the ring, Ejiro looks strait into the eyes of his arch nemesis before the two finally lock up in the center of the ring. Quickly, Ejiro grabs WildChild around the wrist and quickly pulls on a wrenching wristlock. Trying to take advantage, Ejiro drives an elbow down across the shoulder of his opponent. But WildChild knows Fasaki well enough that he knows not to stay in that hold for long and immediately rolls forward on to the mat and right back to his feet in order to relieve the pressure of the hold. Then, WildChild immediately turns the hold around and drives Ejiro down to a knee with a furious wristlock of his own. Quickly revolving around again and again, WildChild cranks away on the arm, as Fasaki is unable to do anything to escape the move. Quickly pulling Ejiro up to his feet, WildChild heads to the ropes and quickly hops right on up to the top rope with unnatural ease before leaping back and taking Ejiro down to the canvas with a high arm drag! Quickly trying to keep the pressure on, WildChild locks on a short armbar and begins to crank away on Ejiro’s shoulder.

“This is interesting strategy from WildChild,” notes Axis, “He used a high flying move to take Fasaki down to the canvas in order to wear him down. Usually, he simply bombards his foes with high impact offense. Why the departure in strategy, King?”

“There are two possible reasons for this, WildChild might be trying to change up his game in order to throw Fasaki off considering the number of contests they have already wrestled against each other. And secondly, if he takes out Ejiro’s arms, The World Champion won’t be effectively able to use the cobra crossface. It’s a smart play, I wonder who told him to do it?”

Tearing away with the armbar, WildChild wrenches back and forth as Ejiro calmly fights the pain and works his way to his knees. Then putting his free right arm against WildChild’s chin, Ejiro pushes upward and finds his vertical base. Widening his base, Ejiro is able to muscle WildChild back and against the ropes where Referee Eddy Long is forced to order a break. Cautiously, WildChild releases his grip on Ejiro’s left arm but is completely ready when Ejiro tries to gain an unfair advantage with an elbow to the head. Ducking underneath the strike, WildChild quickly takes the off balance World Champion and sends him flying into the ropes with a whip. Ejiro quickly rebounds off the ropes and ducks low as the man from the Bahamas leapfrogs over his charger. Quickly turning back to Fasaki, WildChild lowers his center of gravity and sends Ejiro flying overhead with a Japanese arm drag! Ejiro quickly gets back up to his feet but gets tossed right back down to the canvas with a judo style hip throw. Quickly dropping down onto the champion, WildChild again goes the wristlock and jams a knee behind the arm as he maintains control on the appendage.

“You know, King. I was expecting a little more rage out of WildChild during this match. As much as he hates Ejiro, you might think that he would be out here attacking recklessly, but he has maintained control over his temper and maintained his control of the match as well.”

But Ejiro is not about to just lie there and allow WildChild to beat him at his own game. Turning into the hold, Ejiro is able to decrease the amount of pain WildChild’s knee is adding to the wristlock before fighting up to his feet once more. Again pressing WildChild back to the ropes, Ejiro waits just a moment before using WildChild’s own wristlock to send him off the ropes. But this time, WildChild does not get a chance to use the ropes to his advantage as Tony Hydra drives a knee into the small of his back from the apron! Shocked by the sudden nature of the blow, WildChild staggers into the center of the ring where Ejiro is waiting to catch him with a huge screaming elbow to the top of the head! Angered by this infraction, LDP makes a move into the ring but is immediately cut off at the pass by the referee who is determined to maintain a sense of order for this match. With a wary eye on the Miami Menace, Ejiro wanders over to his corner and makes the tag to Tony Hydra.

“And here is where the match is going to get interesting. What kind of impact can Tony Hydra make in this contest?”

“Well Axis” answers The King of Hearts, “I do not know if Pete knew this or not when he made this match, but Hydra is a veteran wrestler of over five years. And while he might not be up to the standards of the SJL wrestlers, he does know what to do in a ring and can certainly pose a threat under the right circumstances.”

Stepping through the ropes, Hydra immediately grabs the man from the Bahamas and pulls him up to his feet. Rearing back, Hydra slams a series of three strait right hands into the forehead of his master’s enemy. These blows all culminate in sending WildChild staggering all the way to a neutral corner. While trapped there, WildChild is then forced to absorb a series of short kicks to the chest area as Hydra continues to stay on the offensive. Hydra quickly winds up WildChild’s arm and sends him across the ring with an Irish whip. Trying to keep his aggressive advantage, Hydra charges forward but ends up eating a bare foot right underneath the chin from the highflying WildChild. With Hydra staggered back a few paces, WildChild runs out of the corner and tries to take the announcer down with a high cross body block. But Hydra shows some surprising power by catching the 217-pound wrestler in midair! Quickly tucking WildChild’s head underneath his arm and allowing WildChild’s feet to his the mat, Hydra quickly applies a body slam into reverse DDT combination!

“DeHydrator!” shouts The Suicide King, as WildChild’s head bounces off the mat, “That is Hydra’s favorite maneuver and I don’t think WildChild has the first clue it was coming!”

ONE!

TWO!

THREGAHHHHHHHNOOOOO!

“WildChild kicked right out of that move!” shouts Axis over the cheer of the crowd, “Hydra hit him with his best shot and WildChild just came right out the back door.”

Shaking his head in anger, Hydra pulls WildChild off the canvas and drags him over to the unfriendly corner. Reaching out his hand, Hydra makes a tag to the World Heavyweight Champion. And as Ejiro steps through the ropes, Hydra pushes WildChild into the corner as both men begin to lay in a series of kicks to the chest that send the man from the Bahamas slumping into the corner. Stepping to the apron, Hydra turns his back to the ring and raises his arm to the crowd, in hopes that they will recognize just how well his first foray into the ring went. They simply reply with boos though as Ejiro continues to work WildChild over with furious anger. Ejiro quickly uses a snap mare to send WildChild over and on to his seat before Fasaki hits the ropes and comes back with a Hennig neck snap. WildChild head snaps back to the canvas in a hurry as Ejiro rolls right back up to his feet and tosses an elbow in the direction of Longdogger Pete! The elbow glances off the unsuspecting wrestler, but immediately angers the veteran enough to make him attempt to climb into the ring. But once again, the referee is there to keep Pete from getting involved in the match without getting tagged.

“How much must it work on the mind of Longdogger Pete that he has yet to see any action in this match of yet?” asks Axis. “This is his big return match and he’s expected to accomplish just so much, and yet Ejiro and Hydra have rendered him unable to do anything.”

“Oh, he’s doing something, he is costing his partner!” remarks The Suicide King.

Slipping into the ring while Eddy Long is tied up with Longdogger, Hydra joins Ejiro in sending WildChild into the ropes and catching him on the rebound with a pair of harsh elbows to the chest that send the man from the Bahamas falling to the canvas. Hydra immediately makes his way right back out of the ring as Long’s attention finally returns to where it should as the angered Pete begrudgingly returns to the apron. Backing against the ropes, Ejiro gets a little momentum going and drops a heavy knee down across the chest of his foe and rolls across as WildChild continues to have his problems with the member of The Magnificent Seven. Quickly moving back on top of his foe, Ejiro allows WildChild no respite as Fasaki quickly pulls the high flyer off the mat and buries him with a very deliberate reverse neckbreaker that continues the assault on WildChild’s upper body and neck area.

“You can really tell that Ejiro and Hydra came into this match with a definitive game plan,” says Axis, “They are going after WildChild’s neck again and again. They have to be setting him up for the Ejirocation.”

“And that’s not all,” adds King, “Attacking WildChild’s head is going to have an adverse effect on his balance and ability to use the ropes. They are taking away a key part of WildChild’s game plan and are being very effective while doing it.”

The World Champion quickly pulls WildChild off the mat once more and sends him right into Hydra’s corner with as much force as he can muster. Reaching out, Ejiro tags out to his partner in order to keep the fresh man pounding on the weakening WildChild. Hydra takes a moment before climbing to the top rope as Ejiro holds WildChild in a front face lock. Leaping off the top, Tony Hydra comes right down across WildChild exposed back with a double ax handle as Ejiro releases his opponent and goes right back to the apron. Tony continues with the momentary attack on WildChild’s lumbar region with a series of forearms to the back but quickly regains his team’s initial focus by dropping an elbow down across the chest of the wounded WildChild. Picking up WildChild once more, Hydra sends WildChild into the ropes and drops his head for a backdrop but WildChild leaps right over the top and takes Hydra down with a sunset flip for...

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Hydra manages to swing the heel of his boot right between the eyes of the man from the Bahamas. Instantly getting right to his feet, Hydra rages internally for a moment and motions for WildChild to get back to his feet. As WildChild staggers back up, Hydra is there to slam his hand around the throat of the man from the Bahamas. Cinching up his grip on WildChild, Hydra jerks WildChild high into the air and goes for the miracle ecstasy choke slam into a powerbomb. But as soon as WildChild is at his highest point, he wraps his legs around Hydra’s head and brings him strait down on his head with a terrific frankensteiner! Both men are down and looking for a tag!

“What a move from WildChild there, King! He just about killed that loudmouth with one big move!”

The Suicide King explains, “Hydra made a crucial mistake trying to go for the kill there with the miracle ecstasy bomb too early in the contest. I think the near fall off the sunset flip angered him so much that he wanted to hurt WildChild as much as possible as soon as he could. But now both guys are down and both have to make a tag as soon as possible.”

On the apron, Longdogger Pete begins to stomp his foot and clap his hands in order to get the fans on WildChild’s side and help him to make the tag as Ejiro Fasaki merely looks on with a scowl on his face. Slowly, painfully both men climb up to their feet as the fans look on with great interest. Staggering towards each other, it is WildChild who gets in the first shot with huge right hand that makes Hydra rock back on his heels. Another big right sends Hydra back a few more steps as the fans begin to rally behind their underdog. WildChild leans back and lets loose with another haymaker, but Hydra deftly ducks underneath the blow and knocks WildChild back to the canvas with a superkick just below the throat! Still woozy from the frankensteiner, Hydra immediately goes to his corner and makes the tag to the far fresher Ejiro Fasaki. Quickly jumping on top of WildChild, The World Champion hooks a leg as Eddy Long counts...

ONE!

TWO!

THREENNNNAHHHHHHHHHHHNOOOOOOOO!

“The extra time it took for Hydra to make the tag might have allowed WildChild enough time to get enough wind back in order to kick out of that cover attempt!” remarks Axis.

Slapping the mat in anger, Fasaki demands the referee count the pin fall faster next time. Pulling WildChild off the canvas once more to add to the punishment, Ejiro sets WildChild up and wings him into the canvas with a snap suplex in the finest Dynamite Kid mold. Quickly back up to his feet, Ejiro pulls WildChild off the canvas once more and again plows him under with a wicked snap suplex. This time though, Ejiro rolls on top of WildChild and hooks a leg as the referee counts...

ONE!

TWO!

THRNAHHHHHHOOOOOO!

Up in the referee’s face again and giving him a mild shove, Ejiro outright demands a fast count to end the match. But Long stands up under the pressure and shoves Ejiro right back and threatens the World Champion with a disqualification. Not willing to lose like that, Fasaki goes back to wrestling his opponent instead of the referee. Hopping into the air once more, Ejiro comes down on WildChild with another crushing knee to the forehead. Pulling the dazed high flyer off the mat, Ejiro tosses him into a corner and immediately charges forward with a big elbow to the side of the head that rocks WildChild back on his heels. Another elbow to the head wears WildChild down enough in Ejiro’s eyes to whip him across the ring with an Irish Whip. But before making contact with the turnbuckle, WildChild quickly runs all the way up the buckle and steadied himself to launch at Fasaki. But, due to all the punishment he has taken thus far, WildChild does not have the balance needed to jump off the top before he gets whacked from behind with a jumping forearm to the back from Fasaki that causes WildChild to fall down on the turnbuckle, groin first!

“What did I tell you Axis, all that work on WildChild’s noggin has shaken him up enough that he cannot pull off his usual high flying offense with the same amount of speed as per usual. The team of Hydra and Fasaki have him totally dazed and out of this match.”

“And Fasaki is going to make sure WildChild is even more dazed than he was a second ago!” shouts Axis as Fasaki grabs the groined WildChild from behind.

Pulling up on WildChild, The World Champion is able to clear the top rope and walk back a few steps with his arch foe before falling backward to the canvas with a big time belly-to-back suplex that folds WildChild up like an accordion! Quickly getting right back up to his feet, Ejiro drags WildChild into position in the center of the ring before reaching over to his partner and tagging the announcer/wrestler back into this contest. Quickly, Hydra makes his way up to the top rope once again in this match as Ejiro carefully steps in between the ropes. While on top of the ring, Tony Hydra slowly steadies himself on the top while keeping a very close eye on the seemingly unconscious WildChild. Finally, Tony takes to the air and crashes down with a guillotine legdrop from almost 13 feet in the air! But it is not WildChild that he hits but the cold, hard surface of the ring as WildChild sits up at the very last moment to escape the blow!

“WildChild now has some space to work with once again, but he desperately needs to make the tag to Longdogger Pete! WildChild has wrestled this entire match thus far, and if he does not make the tag right now, he might never be able to do it!”

Slowly, both men scrape themselves off the canvas once more. But this time, Tony Hydra is the first to strike as he nails WildChild across the face with a big right hand and then another! Placing himself between WildChild and the safety of his corner, Hydra again hits WildChild right between the eyes with a heavy right hand. Another right hand sends WildChild down to a knee as Hydra motions for WildChild to get back up once more. And when the man from the Bahamas gets up once more, Hydra rocks him with a kick to the gut before grabbing him around the head and going for the stone cold stunner! But WildChild manages to toss Hydra off and right into the waiting arms of Longdogger Pete! Seeing Hydra coming right at him, Pete leans back and sends Hydra flying backward with a hard right fist that sends the announcer rocking out of the corner like a super ball! Flopping like a flounder, Hydra nonetheless manages to roll to his corner and tag his partner just as WildChild ...

Finally...

After all this time...

After all that double teaming...

After all those beatings...

MAKES THE TAG!

And in comes Longdogger Pete with a huge right hand to the head of Ejiro Fasaki that sends the World Champion flopping to the mat in a heap! Another right hand does the same to the returning and rising Hydra! Another right hand tumbles Fasaki to the canvas once again. Finally, Hydra gets the chance to throw a punch at LDP, but the intelligent veteran simply ducks underneath the punch and drives Hydra’s head and shoulders into the mat with an outstanding release German suplex! Next, Ejiro tries to get in shot as well, but once again, LDP manages to duck underneath the blow and send Ejiro flying across the length of the ring with another release German suplex! Standing tall, alone in the center of the ring, “The One Man Wrecking Crew” looks out to the crowd and raises an arm in victory as the crowd responds with a tremendous ovation.

Axis emotes, “And that’s the kind of difference the fresh man can make in a match! LDP is running wild!”

The Suicide King counters, “But he has to be careful, because all that adrenaline released at once can really cause you to run out of gas quickly, no matter how much cardiovascular conditioning you might have. Plus he has to be a little cold, having spent so much time on the apron. These hot tags can really work against you if you don’t pace yourself.”

Grabbing both of his foes by their hair, LDP goes for the most devastating move in the history of the wrestling world. That’s right, you guessed it. The DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER ’91 hits home as Hydra and Fasaki have a meeting of the minds! With his greater bodyweight Hydra sends Fasaki to the canvas, but when he himself staggers backward against the ropes... but not for long. As Longdogger Pete gets a head of steam, he smashes Hydra across the face with a devastating Mafia kick that sends the announcer flying over the top rope and to the floor. Going back over to the World Champion, Pete buries a boot deep into the gut of his opponent and grabs a hold of his arm. Pulling the arm down between Ejiro’s legs, Longdogger Pete grabs the arm and uses it to rip Fasaki off the canvas and bury him in the canvas with a pump handle slam! The World Champion twitches on the canvas like a mackerel as LDP tends to some other matters. Because Hydra is slowly pulling himself back into the ring, but not for long as Pete quickly knocks him right off the apron and back to the arena floor with a spear though the middle rope!

“He’s a house of fire that cannot be contained! Can no one stop Longdogger Pete?”

“I’m going to have to say King Kong, Godzilla, or Strawberry Shortcake could.”

“Strawberry Shortcake?”

“I hear Pete’s allergic.”

Going back to Ejiro, Pete is met with a desperation elbow to the side of the head that causes the Miami Menace staggering back a step or two. Trying to get something going, Ejiro buries yet another elbow into the side of Pete’s head once more and knocks the larger man back into the ropes. Quickly trying to regain some sense of an advantage, Ejiro attempts to send LDP into the ropes, but The Miami Menace quickly turns the whip around and instead whips Ejiro. Catching the World Champion on the rebound, LDP tries to lift Ejiro high into the air for the Muscle Head Slam but Ejiro quickly squirms out of the military press slam and lands behind Pete. Pushing LDP forward, Ejiro looks to roll him up, but WildChild reaches out from the apron and makes the blind tag as Longdogger continues to roll backward! Rolling all the way over Ejiro to reverse the pinning predicament, Longdogger Pete continues to lean backward as Ejiro is caught in his powerful grip and is slammed into the mat with another German suplex out of the roll up!

“What a move! And WildChild is heading up stairs!”

With Pete dragging Ejiro into position, WildChild readies himself on the top rope before coming down like a hammer with the FALLING STAR PRESS! WildChild hooks the leg as LDP and the fans look on with glee!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Funyon calls into the microphone from the floor, “Ladies and Gentlemen, The winners of this match, Longdogger Pete and WILLLLLLLDCHILLLLLLD!”

“And WildChild gets the pin! He’s going to get a shot at Fasaki’s title next! What a great win for him!”

“You mean what a great win for Longdogger Pete, don’t you? He’s the one who did all the work in that match. In no way does this prove WildChild can defeat Ejiro for the World Title! Without any help, WildChild cannot do it himself and everyone here knows it! This is a sham. This is a fraud! Ejiro would have murdered WildChild one-on-one and you know it!”

“Say that all you want, but the record books will record that this match ended with WildChild getting the one, two, three and nothing anyone can do can change that fact! So, with that in mind, that is all the time we have this evening... so for The Suicide King, this is Axis, saying “Goodnight Everybody!”

** FADE TO BLACK **

January 16, 2003

(After one hell of a show with SJL Metal, we are backstage, once again, as Referee Sexton Hardcastle stands at the back at a table, making a cup of coffee for himself. After pouring some milk into the cup, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins, and his cameraman walk up to the table.)

SH: Hey Spike!

HSJ: Hello little person.

SH: Little person?

HSJ: You're name isn't worth my time to learn.

SH: But I am a referee?

HSJ: You're point being?

SH: Wow, You really are stuck up and egotistical like everyone says.

HSJ: Egotistical? YES! My therapy is working!

SH: Therapy?

HSJ: Yeah, the SJL sent me a letter telling me to go to therapy with the therapist they hired.

SH: Therepist? Umm, Spike. The SJL never hired a therapist and never sent letters out for people to go to therapy.

HSJ: ...........

(Spike's jaw literally drops to the ground.)

HSJ: Wha...wha...WHAT DID YOU SAY?

SH: There is no therapist Spike.

HSJ: THEN WHO DID I GO SEE?

SH: I don't know...

HSJ: OH MY GOD!

SH: Maybe we should talk about something else other then a psycho therapist on the loose.

HSJ: I guess...

SH: How about those four matches you got on Wrath?

HSJ: (not paying attention) What are you talking about?

SH: The four matches you got on Wrath. Don't you remember? You challenged four different guys to four different matches.

HSJ: ..........

(Spike turns towards his cameraman.)

HSJ: WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

Cameraman: You don't remember?

HSJ: NO I DON'T REMEMBER!

(Spike turns back towards Sexton.)

HSJ: WHO DID I CHALLENGE?

SH: Well, let's see.....ummm, first it was Chris Card.

(Spike turns to the cameraman.)

HSJ: CHRIS CARD? THE CHRIS CARD? HOW COULD YOU LET ME CHALLENGE CHRIS CARD?

Cameraman: You did it yourself!

(Spike turns back to Sexton.)

HSJ: Who else?

SH: Then, umm, it was Johnny Barracuda.

HSJ: ........

(Spike silently turns towards the cameraman.)

HSJ: Did I challenge a former world champion?

(The cameraman nods.)

HSJ: Yeah......

(Spike turns towards Sexton, with a worried look on his face.)

HSJ: Who else?

SH: Then it was Janus!

(Spikes eyes nearly bulge out of his head and his mouth drops, while turning towards the cameraman. Instead of speaking, Spike just lifts his hand up in the air, signaling the height of Janus, with the cameraman only nodding. Spike turns back to Sexton, with more fear in his face then ever before.)

HSJ: (gulp) Who else?

SH: Ummm, oh yeah. That's right. Wildchild!

HSJ: WHAT THE HELL? HOW DO I BOOK MYSELF IN FOUR MATCHES?

Cameraman: Well, you kept saying something about that therapist telling you to do it.

HSJ: If I ever see him again, I WILL....I WILL....

(Just then, a white male in his mid-30's walks up to Sexton, Spike, and the cameraman, with an old English suit on, and a pipe in his mouth.)

English Man: Well, cherrio!

HSJ: YOU! YOU WERE THE THERAPIST!

English Man: That I was chap! And a mighty find job I did, I so believe so!

HSJ: YOU AREN'T A THERAPIST!

English Man: You're point being?

HSJ: WHY I OUGHT TO...

English Man: Oh, calm your broiling blood down. No need to scrummage over this. Anyway, I have to get going. The three little pigs and Handsel and Gretel are after me. I have to get to the rocket ship before they blast off to Candy Land without me. Ta Ta!

(The English Man starts to hop away as Spike just stares forward. After a few seconds, a bunch of men in white shirts and pants coming running past Spike, Sexton, and the Cameraman, one holding a needle and another holding a straight jacket. They continue running as the camera focuses in on Spike and the cameraman.)

HSJ: Cameraman...

Cameraman: Yes?

HSJ: I think I need to lay down for a while.

January 16, 2003

What a show, people! Still a little too much no-showing, but it was great work overall. A big round of applause should go out to Spike Jenkins for becoming the JL Thugg and writing SIX PROMOS. Next time someone whines about not having material or not having time, I'm not buying it. But on with the recap...

Dangerous vs. Fugue will be happening soon! Ultimate Fight, eh? Ken Shamrock might care to disagree...

Crow! Crow! The drug-riddled Aussie bitch wins his first SJL match! Let's give the stupid fucking bird a round of applause!

Spike wants a piece of Card! My booking for Wrath just got a little bit easier...

Speaking of Card, he picks up the W against IL. Pretty impressive rookie we got here, folks.

Ejiro has an ego! Wow, what a shocker! This could truly redefine the definition of "heel"!

And now Spike has challenged Dangerous to a ladder match for Wrath....now my booking has gotten MUCH harder...

Dace picks up a big W over Fugue, which moves him closer to the main event.

But before Dace can move on, Spike decimates him during the commercials. When will people learn that commercials are not the safe havens we pretend they are?

And now Spike challenges JANUS....hoo boy. This guy's a complete whackjob.

In the battle of Janus vs. Dangerous, Janus emerges victorious. I have absolutely nothing clever to say.

Wildchild is the latest to cross Spike...and guess what happens? No, Spike doesn't come out of the closet! That's NEXT week's main event! Instead, the next most logical thing happens: He challenges him to a match! Anyone feeling some deja vu?

Our main event goes to the team of Wildchild and Longdogger Russo, who pick up the big W, clinching WC a shot at Ejiro's SJL World Title. We got two big matches lined up....can anybody say PPV?

And finally, Spike realizes what a nutjob he is. Welcome to our world, Spike.

SJL Metal (1/15)

Recommended Posts

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Guest TheBostonStrangler

Share this post

Link to post

Share on other sites

Browse

Activity