People Who Lost Thread

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Eh... I don't know how my match was, but I figured I may as well experiment with something, and these are the results.

 

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Bonjour, gentlemen. Your smark friend and Wrestling Timez SJL recapper Brian Hennessey, back from touring France’s indy circuit and ready to give all of my loyal readers a recap of the second SJL live show of the year. The fireworks for this show – Metal, because it wouldn’t make any sense for Pete to book a match for the show he owns – are green and a sickly yellow, and as they go off the sheep surrounding me cheer. I want to gag. Thankfully, the greatest wrestler in the world (that would be the Suicide King) and that Australian guy (that would be Axis) are sitting directly in front of me. Maybe their commentary will relieve me from my stress.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to SJL Metal! Tonight we have an excellent show for all of you…”

 

I quietly hope that King will point out to Axis that this show is basically throwing random faces and heels at each other. I swear, I could’ve booked this show better with a dartboard.

 

“I don’t know that I can be as energetic as you are tonight, Axis. I mean, when you consider the wasted talent – and the waste of talent – in the main event, you’d think that this show would suck harder than a five hundred dollar hooker.”

 

And naturally, Suicide King is right. For the SJL to have such a wealth of talent, and then book a match featuring two wrestlers whose feud never ends, a ring announcer, and a washed-up assrabbit with two bad knees… well, it lets you know who is really in charge in the SJL. It sure as hell isn’t anybody smart.

 

“Sure, King, the main event might suck, but think of what else we’ll have! Janus and Johnny Dangerous, Fugue and Dace Night! This is going to be a great show!”

 

No, it’s going to be a stale rehash of the last three shows. We’re not stupid, Axis, don’t lie to us.

 

“You are right. When the Mag-7 brought Janus over to our side, well… that was pretty much the end of the Wild and Dangerous Nights. And thank me… I mean God.”

 

“Well, coming up now we have four wrestlers that are hungry for a push! Crow, the rookie sensation who lost to Chris Card last week…”

 

And is a dead ringer for Raven. Axis continues.

 

“’Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins, who suffered a defeat at the hands of Dace Night and Wildchild last week…”

 

And is quite possibly the biggest waste of pushes and title shots in the history of the world. Axis continues still more.

 

“Mike Van Siclen, who managed to pick up a win over C4 last week, ending the explosive one’s career…”

 

And making him 1-0 since the beginning of the New Year. I smell a push to be pissed away.

 

“And Leon Sharpe, who lost his re-debut match to Insane Luchador!”

 

And who will never get pushed higher than European level, the only booking decision I agree with!

 

“That’s all well and good, Axis, but the real question is who should I root for?”

 

BANG! Two black pyros go off on either side of the entrance ramp, and “Natural Born Chaos” by Soilwork kicks up, Crow stepping onto the entrance ramp. Naturally, he is topless… I’m depressed. I miss the “Jesus Is A C**t” t-shirt, man. Maybe I’m the only one. Crow takes a drag from his cigarette, then takes it out of his mouth, extending his arms in crucifix position (and you thought he wasn’t a dead ringer for Raven). He grins as he walks down the ramps, taking another drag from his cigarette and then putting it into some fan’s popcorn box. The fan is a mother, who looks about ready to leap over the railing and beat Crow… and I couldn’t blame her, myself. I want to slap him too, and tell him “Earth to Crow, you’re not Raven!” Oh well. Crow steps into the ring as the Best Dressed Ring Announcer In The Game Today™ makes his introduction.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a battle royal contest! Introducing first, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-one pounds, he hails from Adelaide, Australia, he is CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!”

 

Or is he RAAAAAAAAAVEN? Mysteries abound in my mind as "King of Your Own World" by Smugface plays over the loudspeaker, gold sparks rising up from the entrance area as "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins walks out from behind the entrance curtain, stepping into the sparks. After a few seconds of Spike just standing there, Spike breathes in some of the sparks, and exhales through his nose, as smoke fills up over his face. Every time he does that I hope he dies of smoke inhalation. He walks down the ramp, sliding into the ring… and right into Crow, who begins kicking the ever-loving s**t out of Jenkins’ back! Crow quickly lifts Jenkins to his feet, whipping the man known as Hollywood into the ropes and catching him with an armdrag as he comes back! Around me, the crowd boos, though I can’t figure out why – Hollywood’s a stoner and Crow is a brooding jackass. Oh wait.

 

“Crow looking for the early advantage early.”

 

Axis is a man of the obvious, ladies and gentlemen!

 

“One generally looks for an early advantage early, Axis.”

 

Oui.

 

The Suicide Spin remix of LL Cool J’s “Shut ‘Em Down” begins to blare as Mike Van Siclen jogs down the ramp, stopping at the end and watching the match. In-ring, Crow continues his domination of Hollywood, having just lifted him up and whipping him into the ropes in the hopes of scoring with a suicide slide, but Hollywood hops Crow, who quickly hops back to his feet himself… only to get caught with a STIFF lariat to the throat by Jenkins! Spike’s obviously been watching his best of Stan Hansen, and I love it. Crow gets right back up and Jenkins grabs him by the arm, looking for the whip but Crow reverses it into a whip of his own! Hollywood runs towards the ropes, hopping to the second one and springboarding off with a high back kick that the quick-thinking Crow ducks! Hollywood lands off-balance, and Crow takes advantage with a roundhouse right to the jaw! Van Siclen, using his old-school heel tactics, continues to watch from the outside, and I do love how he’s just… doing nothing.

 

“Hollywood and Crow are really going at it right now, with the two of them trading high-speed attacks!”

 

No kidding. It’s like watching the X Division in fast-forward.

 

“And both of them are putting on an exhibition that Wildchild could only pray to live up to!”

 

And again, I say oui.

 

Van Siclen continues to idly watch, and I can’t help but wonder when Leon Sharpe will come out and force him into the –

 

“The world is nooooooooot enough…”

 

Ding.

 

Sharpe turns the corner and begins walking down the ramp, focused like a locust (that’s a good one) on Mike Van Siclen, and Van Siclen knows it too and the Amazin’ one is praying that he can get the f**k outta there but he and I both know that that ain’t happenin’, no-way no-how. I’m marking out for the old-school heel tactics, and Van Siclen and Sharpe don’t disappoint as Van Siclen turns around, staring at Sharpe like a frightened rabbit with his mouth agape as Sharpe walks slowly down the ramp with that ‘Mama-said-knock-you-out-so-get-ready-to-get-KOed’ look on his face, and Mike begins to back away, towards the ring, where Crow is climbing the ropes, absorbing the boos of the crowd that is half-watching him. He bounces on the ropes a little bit, making a crucifix pose as he hops before springing up, turning around in midair and landing on the ropes again, then jumping backwards with a high, arcing moonsault… that misses Hollywood, who rolls out of the way at the last possible second! The crowd erupts for this as Van Siclen bolts around the ring, Sharpe following a bit slower as the sheep surrounding me nearly bust my eardrums, but of course they can’t quiet Axis and the King.

 

“King, that moonsault came so close to Hollywood! It looked like Hollywood was a dead man!”

 

“Hollywood nearly was, Axis, but Leon Sharpe will be even deader if Mike Van Siclen can catch him!”

 

“…King, Sharpe is chasing Van Siclen.”

 

“That’s exactly what Mike wants you to think.”

 

This little outburst gives me a slight chuckle as Van Siclen charges around the third corner (from my perspective, the corner closest to the announcer’s table on the right) and slides into the ring from there, Leon Sharpe following… right into a hard boot to the face from Hollywood and Mike! The Spike and Mike Connection continue to bash Sharpe’s face in, hitting him again and again with stiff boots… and then go over to Crow, who is just now stumbling to his feet! All four men now in the ring, the referee calls for the bell, which is a nice little touch by the road agent. Kudos to him.

 

-=:Ding Ding Ding:=-

 

“And this match is finally underway, King, and there’s been a lot of action early on here!”

 

“Yes there has, and now the match is intensifying to a point where Leon Sharpe will die.”

 

“Why will Leon Sharpe die?”

 

“Won’t we all die, Axis?”

 

Van Siclen and Spike look at each other and nod, lifting Crow to his feet and balancing him on the ropes, where he leans precariously as Spike backs up to around where Sharpe is. Mike grabs Holly by the arm, whipping him as hard as he can straight at Crow! Jenkins looks for the clothesline on Crow… but Crow ducks, pulling down the top rope and causing Holly to go flying over! The Woodster, however, grabs the top rope as he flies over, and as he hangs from it he pulls himself up, landing back in the ring, where Crow is going after Van Siclen with a mess of punches! One to the face, then two, then three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve… and suddenly there is a hard fist to Crow’s skull, from none other than Hollywood Spike Jenkins! Crow stumbles around, getting a good look at his attacker… who grins at the Crow, flipping forward and wrapping his legs around Crow’s neck and then pulling him back with a Hurricanrana! Now that’s a good old fashioned move, and one I haven’t seen in quite awhile.

 

“A nice Hurricanrana by Hollywood caps off a nice run by Jenkins, Van Siclen, and Crow, but one can only wonder how long the three men can keep up this breakneck pace.”

 

“It depends on who you’re talking about. Crow will not last much longer. Van Siclen hasn’t done all that much, so he and Hollywood would be my guesses to finish out the match.”

 

“What about Leon Sharpe?”

 

“Leon who?”

 

I’ll save the agreement with King’s comment for a future ‘Brian Bashes’, but I will say that I agree with him. That said, Van Siclen gets to his feet now, as does Hollywood, and the two grab Crow and lift him to his feet. Spike and Mike lean Crow against the ropes, Spike going back as done before and Mike grabbing him by the arm and whipping him again into Crow… but this time, Crow has enough taken out of him that he doesn’t fight the clothesline, and Spike knocks him right over the top rope for the first elimination! I’ll refrain from commenting on who should have been eliminated first and simply give you the time of elimination.

 

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CROW

Eliminated by: Hollywood Spike Jenkins

Time of elimination (from bell): 3:12

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“Wow! Crow’s breakneck pace costs him dearly in the end, as Van Siclen and Hollywood beat him at his own game to eliminate him!”

 

“Sad to see the young one gone, but the old hats will make short work of Leon Sharpe, and then we might actually see something mildly entertaining for a change.”

 

King is, again, right, but I’ll, again, refrain from commenting. Van Siclen and Hollywood, after exchanging a quick low-five, look at Leon Sharpe, smiling devilishly at each other before walking over to Sharpe. With this pause, might I interject that I’m loving the old-school heels that S&M are playing, and I seriously hope this turns into a long-running storyline. Only without the name S&M. Back from a tangent am I, and by now Spike and Mike have lifted Sharpe to his feet and whip the big man into the ropes double-style… or, rather, they try to, but Sharpe reverses it, whipping both of them into the ropes! Spike and Mike go flying at the ropes, overselling for Sharpe but hey, I’m entertained, so all that matters has occurred. Spike comes back, while Mike holds onto the ropes. Sharpe grabs Spike by the waist as he runs back, turning him around in midair and impaling the stoner’s back on his knee with a sick-looking tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!

 

“A swank backbreaker by Leon Sharpe on Hollywood Spike Jenkins, and look at all of the help Van Siclen is giving the man that helped him eliminate Crow!”

 

“Hey, it’s smart strategy by Van Siclen. And if Hollywood can’t handle the heat by himself, maybe he should stay out of the damn kitchen.”

 

Spike staggers to his feet, and Sharpe whips him into the ropes by Van Siclen. Hollywood runs into them, bouncing off, but Mike catches Spike by the arm and pulls him back. The crowd boos the hateable heeldom as Van Siclen and Jenkins discuss what they plan on doing to Sharpe… who comes dashing at them right about now! Sharpe, trying to prevent Spike and Mike from thinking up a plan, charges towards the former sWoers, looking for a huge double clothesline to win himself the match but both men duck! Sharpe hits the ropes full speed, nearly toppling over them but instead bouncing off and stumbling backwards. Mike and Spike smile at each other as they both get to their feet, Van Siclen charging Sharpe while Spike climbs the ropes! Mike, the first man to reach Sharpe, slides between the big man’s legs and chops both of them out from underneath him! Sharpe falls face-first to the mat, and Spike comes flying off the top rope, spinning around 360 degrees in midair and landing with a perfect legdrop across Sharpe’s neck!

 

“A baseball suicida from Van Siclen and a 420 Legdrop from Spike Jenkins, and King, I think Sharpe is just about dead!”

 

“I doubt he’s dead, Axis, but he’s probably eliminated. I give him about thirty seconds, okay, esse?”

 

Van Siclen and Jenkins stand up, raising their arms for the “benefit” of the crowd, who jeers them mercilessly. I’m chuckling, though – Spike and Mike are making a mockery of Leon Sharpe right now, always amusing to people in my line of work. Van Siclen and Spike lift Sharpe up, whipping him into the ropes and looking to follow him with a double clothesline to send him out… but Sharpe counters by grabbing Mike around the neck! Spike, not knowing what to do, runs up to Sharpe and kicks him square in the crotch! The ref only sees Sharpe double over, missing the groin-kick as he scolds Sharpe about not using chokeholds! Leon isn’t much worried about that now, letting go of MVS (who goes to clutch his windpipe, the resthold monkey) as Spike grabs the pre-doubled over Sharpe around the neck and falls back, impaling Sharpe’s head on the mat with a DDT. Sharpe goes down, and Hollywood picks him up, not looking Sharpe in the face as he sets up a Superkick. It might’ve helped Hollywood… because Sharpe is smiling, and the knowing crowd roars in anticipation!

 

“Sharpe almost gets the comeback there, but Hollywood shuts him down with that kick to the groin!”

 

“The ref didn’t see it. It’s perfectly legal.”

 

Another reason I like this match – the ref isn’t oblivious, just a bit clueless. Jawesome. Hollywood, stomps in the corner, looking down at his feet instead of at Sharpe. Poor, poor soul. The crowd doesn’t agree with me there, cheering as Hollywood looks up at them, distracted as he stares dumbfounded at the crowd. He turns around… to see Sharpe charging at him! Big boot! The crowd EXPLODES in cheering as Hollywood flops into the corner like a dead herring! Sharpe grabs Holly by the throat, the crowd exploding again as Leon lifts Spike into the air, looking for a stalling chokeslam… and slamming Wood to the mat, WITH AUTHORITY! The fat woman next to me nearly spills her beer cheering as Hollywood hits the mat hard, but Sharpe lifts him up again, thrusting Hollywood into a standing headscissors as the crowd erupts again, knowing that the powerbomb is coming!

 

“Sharpe with the vicious big boot and chokeslam on Hollywood! Where’s Van Siclen to save him now, King?”

 

King visibly points to Mike, sitting on the mat, rubbing his sore throat. “Right there, tending to the neck injury that Sharpe must have given him.”

 

Axis sighs as I laugh, just as I cringe as Leon Sharpe lifts Hollywood up by the waist, up so that Holly is in a sitting position on his shoulders! The crowd erupts as Leon walks with Hollywood towards the ropes, and it becomes apparent what Sharpe intends to do – powerbomb Hollywood out of the ring! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen that move! Sharpe looks ready to do it, but he can’t resist just standing there a bit for posterity’s sake.

 

Bad move!

 

Van Siclen comes flying out of nowhere, catching Sharpe in the back with a STIFFSTIFFSTIFFSTIFFSTIFF forearm! Sharpe’s upper body topples over like a top-heavy jello mold, draping itself over the ropes and letting go of Hollywood in the process, as Holly lands back first on the padded mats on the outside, probably not knowing where he is as his legs fall limply, his feet hitting the ground. The ref signals for the bell as I now give you the elimination stats!

 

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HOLLYWOOD SPIKE JENKINS

Eliminated by: Leon Sharpe

Time of elimination (from bell): 7:19

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“Van Siclen tries to save Hollywood, but inadvertently the Amazin’ one knocks out his assistant… and now Van Siclen is all alone with Leon Sharpe!”

 

“Bah. Van Siclen tried, but now he’s going to have to do it all on his own.”

 

“Do you think he can, King?”

 

“I know he can.”

 

I do too.

 

Van Siclen, seeing Sharpe already half-out, grabs Leon’s legs and lifts up on them, trying to force Sharpe out early, but Leon kicks at Van Siclen and Mike backs away, letting Sharpe stand up to his full size. Leon stares down at Van Siclen, who is usually taller than his opponents but is seven inches shorter in this situation. Sharpe stalks Mike just as he did on the entrance ramp, and Mike backs up, begging off of Sharpe. Leon refuses to stop, however, as he grins madly at the Amazin’ one. Mike finally is backed against the ropes, with nowhere to go, and I am suddenly in great fear for Mike Van Siclen’s safety in this match. Sharpe grins, backing up to mid ring, and Mike breathes a sigh of relief in mid-ring. I cringe, knowing what’s coming.

 

“Sharpe and Van Siclen standing off, and it looks like Leon Sharpe has a fearful Mike Van Siclen right where he wants him!”

 

King stays quiet. I continue to worry. Sharpe charges Van Siclen, and I close my eyes, not wanting to watch. They open again just in time to see what should be Van Siclen being clotheslined out by Leon Sharpe… but is instead is Mike pulling down on the top rope, causing Sharpe’s momentum to bring him over the top rope! Sharpe does a complete flip over the rope, landing off balance on his feet before falling forward, but the feet have touched and the match is done!

 

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LEON SHARPE

Eliminated by: Mike Van Siclen

Time of elimination (from bell): 9:03

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-=:Ding Ding Ding:=-

 

And Mike Van Siclen is two and oh!

 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Funyon. “Your winner, at nine minutes and three seconds, the UH-MAAAAAAAAAAAZE-ING OOOOOOONE… MIIIIIIIIIIKE VA-AN SIIIIIIIIIIIIC-LEEEEEEEEEEEN!”

 

Van Siclen raises both arms in the air, one a clenched fist and one with two fingers up. Apparently he too realizes he is two and oh in 2003. Van Siclen slides out of the ring, helping Hollywood to his feet and the two of them back up the ramp and out of the main area as a video package begins playing on the Smarkstron and the announcers shift to idle chitchat. Apparently, this is commercial…

[Guest Mr. Slim Citrus]

Well, THIS is a first... I lost a match that I ended up winning anyway?

 

===================================

 

FADE IN

 

The crowd in the Verizon Arena forms a united chorus of boos as Biohazard’s “Sellout” begins to play. Tony Hydra steps onto the platform alone, pausing briefly to sneer at the crowd before strutting down the ramp. In the ring, Funyon raises the microphone to his lips. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring at this time, from Trenton, New Jersey, weighing in at two hundred thirty-six pounds, Tony Hydra!”

 

Hydra climbs the steel stairs at ringside and steps between the top and middle ropes, walking over to Funyon and snatching the microphone out of his hands. “Beat it, little man,” he snarls. “Your services are no longer required!” Turning to face the SmarkTron, Hydra speaks into the microphone, “the moment you peasants have been waiting for has finally arrived! You are all about to be blessed by the greatest thing to happen to New Hampshire since statehood! About to make his way to the ring is a leader of men! In fact, he is the leader of the SJL branch of the Magnificent Seven! He tips the scales at a svelte one hundred and eighty-eight pounds! He is the undisputed SJL World Heavyweight Champion! He is Sarasota, Florida’s FAVORITE son! A man among boys, he is your role model and mine! The ONE! The ONLY! THE EMPEROR, EEEEEEEEEEEJIIIIIIIIIIIIROOOOOOOO FAAAAAAASAKIIIIII!”

 

Hydra tosses the microphone aside as Ejiro strolls from behind the curtain, standing on the center of the stage and holding the World Championship belt above his head as the cacophony of boos grows ever louder. Strutting leisurely down to the ring, Ejiro exchanges words with some fans at ringside, while taunting them with the championship belt. Upon reaching the ring, he walks up the steel steps and waits for Tony Hydra to hold the ropes open for him to enter the ring, where he removes his leather jacket and tosses it back to Hydra before walking over to and standing on the middle ropes, again raising the World Title above his head as each ringpost explodes in an awesome pyrotechnical display.

 

“Tony Hydra was laying on a little thick, wouldn’t you say, King,” asks Axis.

 

“Thick,” scoffs Suicide King. “Name one thing he said about Ejiro that’s not true!”

 

“Well, how about the part about him being Sarasota’s favorite son? I think that a certain ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage might have something to say about that.”

 

Funyon retrieves the discarded microphone as Ejiro’s music fades. “Randy who,” retorts the King. “The ‘Macho Man’ wishes he were half the wrestler that Ejiro is! In fact, the highlight of Savage’s career was when he shook Ejiro’s hand at a benefit down in Florida!”

 

The crowd’s booing suddenly becomes cheers as the speakers come alive with the sounds of Smashing Pumpkin’s “The Everlasting Gaze.” Wildchild springs from behind the curtain a blur of color, banging his head back and forth as he stands crouched on the stage. “And their opponents,” says Funyon, “introducing first, from the Bahamas, weighing in at two hundred and seventeen pounds, the Wiiiiildchiiiiild!” Wildchild races down towards the ring, but comes to an abrupt halt as Ejiro and Hydra stand menacingly near the ropes, daring him to enter. “Notice how brave Ejiro acts around Wildchild when he knows somebody has his back,” remarks Axis.

 

“What are you talking about? Ejiro’s not afraid of Wildchild,” responds the King. “And why should he be? It’s not as if Wildchild is a threat to him; in fact, Wildchild has never beaten Ejiro, so why should he be afraid of him?” Wildchild glances back towards the stage as his music fades out, fidgeting with anticipation.

 

You will get yours…

 

You will get yours…

 

You will get yours…

 

You will get yours…

 

YOU WILL GET YOURS!

 

The stage area suddenly explodes with white pyro! As loud as the crowd’s cheers were for Wildchild’s entrance, they become absolutely unhinged for the return of the former SJL legend, shouting “LDP! LDP,” en masse. “And his tag team partner,” continues Funyon, “making his return to the SJL for ONE NIGHT ONLY, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at two hundred seventy-two pounds, The One Man Wrecking Crew, The Doggah, Looooongdogger Pete!” Pete reaches the foot of the ramp and bends down briefly to re-adjust his knee braces before gesturing towards the ring with his head. Suddenly, Wildchild and LDP dash into the ring, chasing Ejiro and Hydra to the outside.

 

“If I were Ejiro, I’d be very afraid,” remarks Axis. “If you think about it, Ejiro’s only real advantage over Wildchild is his experience, which will be completely neutralized in this match by LDP!”

 

“Bah! LDP is washed up,” says the King as Ejiro and Hydra make their way back onto the ring apron. “He’s walking wounded! He probably won’t even be a factor in this match!” Wildchild looks at LDP expectantly, deferring to his judgment as to who should start off the match. Pete looks across the ring at Ejiro, who steps into the ring, and slaps Wildchild on the back, saying “go get him, kid!” Wildchild stalks towards Ejiro as the referee motions to the timekeeper to ring the bell. Just before Wildchild can get near him, however, Ejiro reaches into his corner and tags in Tony Hydra, quickly scurrying out of the ring as the crowd rains boos upon him. “Look, Ejiro’s playing mind games with him,” laughs the King. “He owns Wildchild lock, stock and barrel!”

 

Hydra rushes towards Wildchild, only to be met by a Japanese-style armdrag. As he gets to his feet, he stumbles into a hip toss. Wildchild measures Hydra and leaps into the air as he gets up, knocking him back into the corner with a leg lariat! Wildchild pumps his fists excitedly as he moves towards Hydra in the corner, but then unexpectedly streaks over to the corner and grabs Ejiro by the hair, pulling him over the top rope into the ring! The crowd squeals with anticipation as the referee struggles to separate the two grapplers. “He can’t attack him like that,” bellows the King. “Ejiro’s not the legal man! Wildchild can’t put his hands on him!”

 

Referee Sexton Hardcastle forces Wildchild to move away from Ejiro, who is cowering in the corner. “Are you still going to tell me that Ejiro’s not scared of him,” asks Axis. “It’s nothing more than a tactic, Axis,” replies the King. “He’s luring ‘Clown-boy’ into a false sense of security, to get him to drop his guard.”

 

WHAM!

 

Surely enough, Wildchild, totally focused on Ejiro in the corner, forgets about his opponent behind him in the ring, and as he turns around, is met by a superkick from Tony Hydra! The lowly lackey falls atop Wildchild for a cover, but Wildchild kicks out even before the referee’s hand strikes the mat once. Hydra pulls Wildchild to his feet and backs him against the ropes, whipping him to the far side. He puts his head down to deliver a backdrop, but Wildchild spins around as he rebounds off the ropes, snaring his legs around Hydra’s neck and falling backwards, pulling Hydra up and backwards, and dumping him towards the ropes with a reverse hurricanrana.

 

“Junkanoo,” screams Axis. “What a brilliant counter!” Wildchild grabs Hydra by the head and drags him over to his corner, where he makes the tag to Longdogger Pete. The crowd erupts as the Doggah steps over the top rope and immediately delivers a hammer-like forearm blow to the back of Hydra’s neck, dropping him back to the canvas. Pete grabs Hydra by the back of his neck and starts to lift him roughly off the mat, but stops at around waist-level, looking out into the crowd who loudly chant his initials, and then pushes Hydra’s head back down, raking his face against his metal knee brace!

 

LDP! LDP! LDP! LDP!

 

“Somebody get that lunatic out of the ring,” screams the King as Pete lifts Hydra off the mat and tosses him aggressively into the far corner. “He’s brutalizing poor Tony Hydra!” The Doggah batters the slavering steward in the corner with vicious overhand right punches, then pulls him out and whips him harshly to the opposite corner, blasting him as he staggers out with a running big boot!

 

Pete grabs Hydra by the back of his tank top and drags him over to his corner, tossing him harshly into his turnbuckle, and backs away slowly while gesturing tauntingly at the World Champion, daring him to enter the ring. Ejiro slaps Hydra on the back and enters the ring with false bravado, walking right up to LDP and raising his right arm into the air saying, “let’s go.” In response, the Doggah raises his left arm into the air, way out of Ejiro’s reach, and the crowd breaks into laughter over the size difference, chanting Pete’s initials once more. “Surely you can’t think this is a good idea, King,” says Axis. “I mean, Ejiro’s getting in over his head here, literally. He’s giving away a foot and almost a hundred pounds to the One Man Wrecking Crew!”

 

“What’s the matter, has been,” challenges Ejiro as he raises his other arm. “Are you scared?” LDP looks down at the World Champion with a mirthful expression on his face, thinking to himself, “you asked for it,” and then locks his fingers with Ejiro’s immediately taking an advantage and forcing Ejiro to his knees on the mat. Ejiro screams in pain as LDP cranks the pressure up a notch, with the crowd cheering wildly. The Doggah lifts Ejiro up off his knees and into the air by his hands, releasing his left and holding him above his head with only his left hand! “Look at the power display by the Doggah,” yells Axis. LDP then suddenly lowers Ejiro, slamming him on his back against the canvas, his hand still locked with Ejiro’s.

 

As he picks him up off the canvas, Ejiro kicks him in the right leg just above the knee, giving him pause. Trying to take advantage of LDP’s stunned state, Ejiro makes a move towards his corner, but jerks suddenly backwards as he is unable to break LDP’s knuckle-lock, and falls backwards like a dog that tries to run beyond the length of his leash. Stunned, Ejiro staggers back to his feet, and tries battering LDP’s left arm at the elbow joint, trying desperately to break free of his iron grip. When that fails, he pulls away from him, trying to tug himself free, but the Doggah easily wins this one-sided tug-of-war, and starts to spin in the center of the ring, dragging Ejiro in a circle around his body, and finally jerking him off the mat with only his left arm, tossing him overhead and dropping him face-first to the canvas. LDP looks into his corner and points at the eager Wildchild, as the crowd implores him to make the tag. Pete reaches out to tag in the Bahama Bomber, but momentarily takes his concentration away from Ejiro, and as Wildchild leaps over the top rope into the ring, Ejiro finally manages to pull himself away from LDP, and staggers desperately into his corner, slapping Hydra on his shoulder and ordering him to get into the ring, pointing wildly towards Wildchild.

 

The foul flunky steps between the ropes into the ring and cautiously approaches Wildchild, stopping him as he attempts to initiate a tie-up with a poke to the eyes. Hydra clubs Wildchild in the back of the neck with a forearm, and then twists his left arm around with an arm wringer, before finally settling into a top wristlock. Hydra tries to force Wildchild down from the wristlock, but Wildchild is able to match him for power, and with the crowd behind him, even starts to force Hydra backwards. “Wildchild’s using the crowd’s energy to gather his strength,” observes Axis.

 

“This is only a temporary advantage,” retorts Suicide King. “As long as Ejiro can keep LDP out of the ring, he has this match well in hand.” Sensing that Wildchild is close to overwhelming his partner, Ejiro gestures towards LDP and feigns entering the ring. The Doggah takes the bait and begins to charge into the ring after him, but the referee stops him in the corner. While the referee is distracted with LDP, Ejiro enters the ring surreptitiously and engages Wildchild with a top wristlock on his free hand. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” says the King. “Ejiro is manipulating LDP and keeping him out of the ring, while outsmarting Wildchild at the same time!” The two heels are now easily able to force Wildchild backwards, but the Bahama Bomber uses his superior agility to rotate his legs over him as he continues to attempt to fight the double team, finally completing a rotation as he essentially flips over the wristlock, and uses the extra leverage from the rotation to yank backwards as his feet touch the mat, pulling both Ejiro and Hydra over with a double armdrag! Wildchild scrambles to his feet as Ejiro and Hydra start to stand up, leaping high into the air, and kicking Ejiro flush in the face with both feet, then pushing off Ejiro as he falls to the mat and dropkicking Hydra, though with considerably less force.

 

“What an outstanding acrobatic counter by the Wildchild,” screams Axis as Hydra staggers backwards. “And a double-jump dropkick! He didn’t get Hydra with all of that…”

 

WHACK!

 

“Whoa! He got him with all of that, though,” yells Axis, as Wildchild rolls to his feet, ducking a running clothesline attempt by Tony Hydra and drills him underneath the chin with a shuffling sidekick! Wildchild pulls Hydra to his feet and whips him into the corner towards Ejiro, causing the two heels to collide with each other in the corner. They hit each other head-to-head, causing Ejiro to fall back into the corner as Hydra falls on his back to the mat.

 

CRUNCH! OOOOOOH!

 

Wildchild rears his head back and unleashes a fierce howl, then rushes towards the corner, leaping easily over the prone Tony Hydra and just barely passing over Ejiro, landing behind him on the top turnbuckle, and falling backwards without hesitation while snaring Ejiro’s head with his left arm, driving the World Champ face-first into Hydra’s crotch! Hydra raises his head up off the mat, clutching his genitals in pain as his eyes nearly pop out of his head. Wildchild dashes to the corner and leaps to the second turnbuckle, springing off and twisting in mid-air, landing on Hydra’s chest with a flying cross-body block!

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THR—

 

Two and a half is all Wildchild can get, as Ejiro desperately pulls him off of Hydra. Wildchild gets to his feet to chase him down, but he rolls out of the ring to save himself. Instead of pursuing him, Wildchild picks Hydra up and leads him into the corner, where he makes the tag to LDP. The Doggah steps into the ring as Wildchild whips Hydra to the far ropes and catches the pitiable peon as he runs over the top of Wildchild on the rebound, lifting him briefly into the air before driving him down onto his knee with a brutal Manhattan Drop that makes the entire audience cringe.

 

“That one even hurt me,” moans Axis. “I guess Tony Hydra doesn’t have to worry about having kids anytime soon…”

 

LDP stomps aggressively at Hydra’s head as Ejiro makes his way back towards his corner. He then points to Wildchild and shouts “get ready!” LDP picks Hydra up and backs him against the ropes, making a tag to Wildchild, who runs to the center of the ring apron, bracing himself to leap into the ring as the Doggah whips Hydra to the far ropes.

 

WHAM!

 

As Hydra comes back towards the ring on the rebound, Wildchild leaps onto the top rope, and springs HIGH into the air as the Doggah launches Hydra into the air with a backdrop twisting above the ring, and blasting the menial minion in the face with a flying elbow smash! The crowd chants in disbelief as both men crash to the canvas:

 

 

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

 

“Oh My Gawd,” shouts Axis. “Did you see the height he got on that elbow?”

 

“Oh please,” scoffs the King. “I’m way past bored with his little dog and pony show!”

 

“Get real, King,” retorts Axis as Wildchild rolls onto Hydra for a pinfall attempt. “There’s nobody else in this business that can do half of the things Wildchild can do inside that ring!”

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THR—Ejiro saves his partner with a boot to the top of Wildchild’s head to break up the pinfall. “Big deal,” replies the King. “So he can fly. So he can flip and flop. Where has it gotten him? How many titles has he won?” Suicide King’s lip curled up in a sneer. “Hell, I think the better question to ask would be how many titles it’s cost him?”

 

Wildchild drags Hydra over to the bottom rope and begins choking him against it. He releases the choke as soon as the referee motions for him to break and bounces away from him, raising his hands in the air. “He’s going for the Chicklet Buster,” notes Axis. “This could be the beginning of the end right here!”

 

THUD!

 

As Wildchild rushes towards the opposite ropes to build up momentum for the Chicklet Buster, Ejiro pulls down the top rope, causing Wildchild to spill out of the ring, bumping his head against the ring apron as he falls to the arena floor. LDP drops to the floor and hurries over to his partner as referee Sexton Hardcastle is also attending to him, affording Ejiro the opportunity to enter the ring, and furtively pull a small length of chain out of his knee pad, handing it to Hydra. As LDP rolls Wildchild back into the ring, Ejiro gets the referee’s attention while Hydra finishes wrapping the chain around his right hand, and nails Wildchild in the face as he struggles to his feet, dropping him back to the mat. Hydra then waves the chain in LDP’s face, prompting the Doggah to enter the ring. The referee holds LDP in the corner as he desperately screams “he’s got a chain,” while Hydra takes advantage of the referee’s distraction to hand the chain back to the World Champion, who stuffs it back into his knee pad. Hydra then walks back over to Wildchild and drops to his knees, covering him with a lateral press.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR—

 

 

LDP prevents the three count with a boot to the back of Hydra’s head. As the referee again forces the Doggah back to the corner, the despicable disciple forces Wildchild back into his corner, where Ejiro chokes him out using the tag ropes! “Turn around, ref,” pleads Axis. “He’s choking him out in the corner!” The referee finally turns around as Ejiro unwraps the tag rope from Wildchild’s neck holding his hands up in the air with a “who, me?” expression on his face. Hydra scoops Wildchild up off the mat and ties him up in a Tree of Woe in the corner before tagging in the World Champion. “Oh, NOW he wants a piece of the Wildchild,” snorts Axis. “Ejiro’s nothing but a coward!”

 

“What are you talking about,” asks the King innocently as Ejiro and Hydra deliver double stomps to Wildchild’s midsection. “The Champion is being smart in that ring. He’s taking advantage of Wildchild’s naiveté, waiting until he makes a mistake, and capitalizing on it.” Ejiro begins choking the upside-down Wildchild with his boot as Hydra finally leaves the ring. “That’s called intelligent wrestling, something that ‘Clown-boy’ there doesn’t know anything about, and that’s why he’ll never amount to anything in this business!”

 

Ejiro makes the tag to Hydra, and exposes Wildchild’s ribs as Hydra steps into the ring and gives him a hard kick to the ribs. Hydra then locks Wildchild in an abdominal stretch as Ejiro saunters over to LDP’s corner and flips him off, prompting him to storm into the ring. As the referee struggles to hold LDP in the corner, Ejiro dashes back to his corner and punches Wildchild viciously in the ribs to add to the pain of the abdominal stretch, stepping back onto the apron before the unsuspecting Sexton Hardcastle turns around. Grimacing in pain, Wildchild attempts to break out of hold, but before he can get free, Ejiro shouts to the referee “hey, what’s that LDP has in his hand?” As the referee runs over to investigate LDP’s hands, Hydra reaches his hand backwards and clasps hands with Ejiro, who pulls back and adds to the pressure of the abdominal stretch. “Turn around, ref,” screams Axis. “King, are you going to tell me that you don’t see that blatant double teaming going on?”

 

“I can’t see anything right now,” replies the King. “There’s something wrong with my monitor…”

 

 

Ejiro releases Hydra’s hand as the referee turns around, oblivious to the cheating that just took place. He asks Wildchild whether or not he wants to give up, to which the Bahama Bomber vigorously shakes his head no. He struggles again to free himself from the submission hold, but before he succeeds, Ejiro sticks his leg into the ring, leading LDP to enter the ring. The referee, of course, only noticed the Doggah’s actions and admonishes him to get back into the corner, as Ejiro grabs Hydra’s arm again and puts extra pressure on the abdominal stretch. “I love it,” crows the King. “What you’re seeing here is exactly why Wildchild has never beaten Ejiro, and never will; Ejiro is proving himself to be by far the intellectual superior of Wildchild!”

 

The Doggah screams at the referee as he returns to the corner, pointing towards the opposite corner. “Goddammit ref, turn around!” Hardcastle turns around suddenly and finally sees the illegal double team. Ejiro releases the hold, but a little too late, and as the referee is admonishing him in the corner, Wildchild digs deep and summons the strength to hiptoss Hydra, and dives towards the corner to tag LDP. The Doggah comes into the ring a house afire as the crowd erupts, knocking Hydra to the canvas with a brutal clothesline, and picks him up, giving the motion for the Longdogger Clogger, but the referee orders him back to the corner. “What the hell is going on,” shouts Axis. “Why is he telling LDP to go back to the corner?”

 

“He’s not the legal man.”

 

“What are you talking about, King? Wildchild just made the tag in front of our eyes!”

 

“Hey, the ref didn’t see it,” replies the King with a smirk. “If he didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.”

A groggy Tony Hydra grabs hold of a still semi-conscious Wildchild, and drags him back towards his corner. He scoops him up off the canvas to deliver a slam, but Wildchild floats over his shoulders and lands behind him, kicking him in the back of the knee and running to the ropes, exploding with a crushing running elbow to the temple that sends both men falling to the mat. In the corner, LDP pounds on the turnbuckle pad while screaming for Wildchild to make the tag, as nearly twelve thousand screaming fans begin to chant in unison:

 

LET’S GO WILDCHILD! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

 

LET’S GO WILDCHILD! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

 

LET’S GO WILDCHILD! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

 

 

Both Wildchild and Tony Hydra struggle to their feet and Hydra swings his right arm towards Wildchild’s head, but the Bahama Bomber blocks the punch with his left arm, and blasts the heinous henchman in the face with a hard right fist! A second fist knocks him a step back, and Wildchild runs towards the near ropes, leaping to the top rope in order to spring back with a Pinball attack, but as his feet alight upon the rope, Ejiro pulls back hard on the steel cable, causing him to lose his balance and fall back into the ring. “And here you see it, yet again,” says the King pridefully, as Hydra steps out onto the ring apron and climbs to the top turnbuckle. “Vintage Ejiro Fasaki outsmarting the idiot Wildchild!”

 

CRASH!

 

Hydra measures Wildchild to deliver a guillotine legdrop, but LDP rushes from his corner across the ring apron and pushes him off the top turnbuckle, launching him OVER the prone Wildchild to an unpleasant landing on the other side. The referee admonishes LDP as he returns to his corner, and now the crowd is again chanting “LDP! LDP!” “We’ve got a race now,” observes Axis, “a race to see who can get to the corner first. Hydra, who is closest to his corner, crawls over to his corner and makes the tag to Ejiro who rushes in and hits Wildchild with a diving axe-handle to stop the tag attempt. Ejiro whips Wildchild into the ropes, and swings his leg up to deliver an inside crescent kick, but Wildchild ducks and runs to the other side, leaping to the top rope and springing off curled up in a ball.

 

WHAM!

 

“There’s the Pinball,” cries Axis. “Now make the tag, kid! You’ve got a rested partner in LDP in the corner! Make the tag and let him take over!” Ejiro rolls over to his corner and tags Tony Hydra back in, who gets into the ring as Wildchild makes it to his feet, and rushes him knock him back to the canvas, but Wildchild dives towards his corner in desperation…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… AND MAKES THE TAG! The crowd erupts anew as LDP steps into the ring, stalking towards Hydra. The timorous toady tries to beg LDP off to no avail, as the Doggah assaults him with a flurry of overhand rights, whipping him into the ropes and trapping him in a fireman’s carry on the rebound, dropping back to the mat with a fierce Samoan drop! Ejiro rushes back into the ring and is met with a hard right hand that knocks him back to the canvas. “LDP is on fire,” shouts Axis, as Hydra scrambles back to his feet, only to be clotheslined back down. “The One Man Wrecking Crew is cleaning house!”

 

The Doggah pulls Ejiro and Hydra to their feet and gestures to the crowd for a noggin-knocker, before slamming their two heads together. As Hydra staggers backwards, LDP whips Ejiro into the near ropes, rushing after him with a hard clothesline that sends him out of the ring. As LDP is staring outside the ring at the World Champion, Hydra surprises him with a dropkick to the back of the knee. Stunned, LDP staggers into ropes as Hydra whips him to the opposite end.

 

WHAM!

 

The Doggah makes a tag to Wildchild on the fly, and rushes Hydra, knocking him brutally to the canvas with a spear! LDP rolls out of the way as Wildchild runs into the ring, racing towards the ropes and leaping to the top, springing backwards and spinning his body 450 degrees in the forward direction.

 

“Falling Star Press,” screams Axis. “Mah Gawd! Falling Star Press!”

 

“Get up, Ejiro,” pleads the King. “You can’t let him win!” The referee runs over to where Wildchild is laying atop Tony Hydra, and dives to the mat to count the pin:

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

Ejiro slides into the ring and scrambles desperately over towards Wildchild, but LDP rushes over to him and drills him with a stiff running kick!

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

Eleven thousand, seven hundred seventy people erupt in the Verizon Arena as referee Sexton Hardcastle motions for the timekeeper to ring the bell. Funyon rises from his ringside seat as “The Everlasting Gaze” blasts throughout the arena. “Here are your winners, Longdogger Pete, and the Wiiiiildchiiiiild!”

 

“They did it,” shouts Axis triumphantly, as the referee raises the victors’ hands in the center of the ring. “That means that Wildchild will get his shot at Ejiro for the World Title!”

 

“This doesn’t change anything,” growls Suicide King as Ejiro and Hydra stumble back up the ramp. “Just because he has a shot doesn’t mean he can actually win. He still hasn’t actually beaten Ejiro! Even in this match, he couldn’t beat him! Whenever he has to face the Champ with the belt on the line, the same thing is going to happen that ALWAYS happens; Ejiro is going to come out on top!” Ejiro holds the World Title above his head as he glares back into the ring at Wildchild. “I’m still the champ,” he shouts. “I’m still the champ!” Wildchild glares back out of the ring at Ejiro, pointing at him, and waving his hands around his waist. “Dat gol’ be mine, Fasaki,” yells Wildchild. “I’m comin’ t’take it from you!”

 

“Ejiro Fasaki is still the SJL World Champion,” says Axis, as LDP raises Wildchild’s hand into the air, “but for how much longer? Wildchild has earned himself a shot at the title, and who knows what’s going to happen now! We’ll see how this all plays out over the next few weeks. For the Suicide King, I’m Axis. We’ll see you all again soon for more live SJL action!”

 

As we:

FADE OUT

[Guest Goodear]

Welcome to everyone else's world WildChild! Remember to wipe your feet

 

Anyway, I really liked your match. Although I think that you had to pin Ejiro specifically to get the title shot, so that might have been a reason my match was chosen over yours. Other than that, I think you might have had the faces dominate a little too much in that match, altough, since they're wrestling an announcer, that makes perfect sense to me as well.

 

I also really enjoyed Mike's match, and really liked the "Recapper" style of writing. I thought it was really interesting to get some outsider opinion while getting the match details at the same time. I'm not sure if it hurt or helped you though, I would check with your marker to find out. Really good stuff though.

[Guest Mr. Slim Citrus]

I originally had Wildchild pinning Ejiro, but then I realized that the way I had it written, that he would have been the illegal man, so I had to make a hasty edit.

[Guest realitycheck]

And since I marked both of your matches, I'm obligated to comment...

 

Mike! Don't get me wrong, I loved the recapper style of the match. Writing a match from first person perspective, or from the perspective of anyone else, is a really cool idea if pulled off right. You pulled it off almost flawlessly. So, it didn't factor into your loss at all. However... what DID factor into your loss was the intro:wrestling balance. It was way off. The actual wrestling content of your match was much shorter than Crowe's, and that's always a huge factor into a winning or losing match. What there was was okay, but I found Crowe's to be a little better. Factor in that his match seemed a little more important, storyline wise, and you understand how I came to my decision.

 

WC! Your match was your usual affair. And by that, I mean a massively entertaining spotfest where you actually put yourself over! OMG! Ahem. I thought it was quite excellent in comparison to Ejiro's match, and I can't truly say which one was better, as I would've had to go back and read them twice... and having said that, you probably already know why you lost. See, I waited for several hours after you gave your extension request, at which point I finally gave up and sent Ejiro's match to TBS. You didn't gets yours to me until mucho after I had done that. So... you essentially lost by being too late. Tough break, dude, and I understood your reasoning for being late... but I can't wait forever, alas. But you did get something to me in the end, and that's all that really matters.

 

-Z