Whatever, Storm fucking losing matches

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

meh... no real criticism. I think it was better then Sarah's, but what do I know.

 

*no sells Stubby's inbox being full*

 

 

The highlighted card folds away as SWF Storm returns to the sold out Wing Stadium, still smoking from the pyrotechnics masterpiece. Although faded, 3 blue strobelights start to flash around the top of the ramp, followed by a pair of strobes shining down in the ring, criss crossing in the process.

 

“WELCOME TO MOTHERFUCKING HELL!!!”

 

The familiar sound of Jay Dawg’s voice echoes around the arena, followed shortly after by D12’s ‘Fight Music.’ The crowd goes into a frenzy, shouting out insults, and just making it a point that they do not like who is coming out. Jamie Drazon soon enters into the audience’s sight, patiently stepping through the curtains, and walks to the top of the ramp. The lyrics of the song are kicking in, as JD places his hands on his hips, scanning the arena as they slam him with jeers and boos. After fully scanning the arena, he inhales deeply, savouring the boos as if they were a compliment, then slowly walks down the ramp.

 

Curry: “Welcome back to SWF Storm! It is time for our opening battle, as this man, Jay Dawg, takes on the returning whip lady, Mistress Sarah!”  

 

NTD: “Let’s hope these two don’t hurt each other. I’d hate to see two of my favorites be mean to each other instead of others.”

 

Curry: “I doubt that will happen. Remember NTD, JD has aligned himself with the HVille Thugg, former lover of the Mistress in the JL days.”

 

NTD: “Meh. Who hasn’t been with the Mistress!? She’s been with four stables of guys, and claims to be bi-sexual, what do you think goes on backstage!? I say a few rounds like she’s a rollerc…”

 

Curry: “Shhh! This is wrestling, not porno!”

 

At ringside, JD wastes little time and hops onto the ring apron, where he turns his back to the ropes, and shoots his arms up high in the air. Getting a loud shout of “Jobber” tossed in his direction, he snarls, then enters the ring moments later. While JD heads to the ropes, pulling on them to stretch, Funyon is shown on the outside, ready to say his bit.

 

Funyon: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Vancouver, BC! He weighs in at 250 pounds! JAMIE ‘JAY DAWG’ DRAZON!!!”

 

The lights in the arena drop down to dusk level, as the Smarktron sizzles to life. The blank fuzz of an old home movie appears, illuminating part of the arena as “Paint It Black” by the Rolling Stones begins. When the drum beats hit, the movie plays clips of previous matches involving the Mistress, freeze framed in time with the drums. The Mistress enters shortly after, dressed in a much more skimpier outfit then before her injury, as the crowd shouts out with a lust full of rage! Her whip hoistenned on her side, she uncoils it and snaps it at the nearby crowd members, getting many boos, but some cheers from the horny males that want to be spanked. She glares around the arena in her dominatrix manner as she heads to the ring.

 

Funyon: “And his opponent! From Bellevue, Nebraska! She weighs in at 155 pounds! MISTRESS SARAH!!!”

 

Upon hearing her name announced, the Mistress slides in and unfurls the whip around her waist, playing around with it as warm up. Jay Dawg completely ignores the Mistress, as his attention is focussed on the snake like weapon. He pulls the ref to his side, and whispers into his ear.

 

NTD: “Smart move by my main man, Jay Dawg! He knows he is in danger as long as that whip is around!”

 

Curry: “That hypocrite is one to talk! He never hesitates to flatten someone with a cinderblock when the opportunity arises!”

 

The ref heads over to the Mistress, and tells her to put the whip away. Although not happy, she obliges and passes the whip to the ref. JD shows signs of his stress relieving, but is only satisfied that the whip is still in the vacinity.

 

Curry: “Like NTD said though, smart move! Any plans to beat JD with that whip, are now put on hold!”

 

Jamie walks to the ref again, but before he is even within reaching limit, a soft arm turns him around, and a sharp kick to the midsection doubles him over, sounding the ringbell seconds later. The Mistress wastes no time going to work, as she pummels his body with accelerated, martial art kicks of doom!

 

Curry: “The Princess of Pain is teaching JD why she earned that nickname!”

 

NTD: “Oh! You gotta love the way she kicks in that outfit… look at that thong stretch!”

 

Curry: “Well, at least you have your mind partly on the match tonight.”

 

JD is down to his knees, body tenderized from several shots of Sarah’s educated feet. Sarah handsprings backwards, taunting Mr. Dawg in the process. Several feet away from her victim, Sarah does a minor bow, only to follow it up with a scream of primal rage! The cry of anger wakes Jay Dawg up, as he blinks multiple times, and the clarity of a dominatrix charging in his direction, haunts him. Sarah dives towards him, but the Dawg is just a hair quicker this time, dropping to his back, he thrusts his legs up, feeding young Sarah’s teeth full of feet! The force of the shot, and Sarah’s momentum result in one thing, her backflipping and landing on her face!

 

Curry: “Whoa! What a counter! Sarah’s own momentum forced her to flip onto her front!”

 

JD pounces to his feet, and follows it up with a bounce off the ropes, dropping a knee into the back of Sarah’s head on the return. A twitch of movement from Sarah follows, as JD rolls her onto her back.

 

One…

 

TwoNO!! Sarah’s body kicks out, but she lies limp after the response.

 

Curry: “That looked like she kicked out on instinct!”

 

NTD: “This early in the battle!?”

 

Curry: “Maybe that shot to the head fucked her brains!”

 

Like a little kid poking a dead animal with a stick, JD pushes Sarah’s head with his finger, and it rolls to it’s side. A grin of mischief stretches onto Jay Dawg’s face, as he drags the Mistress to her feet. He pulls Sarah up onto his shoulder, and carries her to the corner, placing her down onto the top turnbuckle. JD places his hand onto Sarah’s head, and shoves her backwards, and the top half of Mistress Sarah’s body falls backward, but is pulled back up by JD. The recent Pound inductee looks out to the crowd, half cheering for the destruction of the Mistress, half booing at the dominance of HVT’s latest homie. Jay Dawg climbs up the turnbuckle to get on level field with his adversary, going all the way to the top. He pulls Sarah up, then wraps her up in a waistlock.

 

Curry: “Oh my god! He is going to destroy Sarah with a super belly-to-belly suplex!!”

 

NTD: “She won’t kick out of that! I can promise you!”

 

Maybe it’s the screaming crowd, or the threatening end of the match, or maybe it’s the fact that JD has her in a hugging position… whatever it is, Sarah snaps back to life and instantly starts to squirm. Their balance, obviously not to good on the top ropes, is made even worse as the two competitors struggle for control, and the two fall over to the outside! Sarah lands on her feet, but collapses shortly after. JD took a bumpier route, landing hard on the ring apron, then rolling to the mats outside.

 

Curry: “What a tumble!”

 

NTD: “Dammit! Keep it in the ring, please! Save your energy to hurt them fucking Carnies!”  

 

Sarah is the first to make it up, standing near the railing, by a bunch of horny teens trying to cop a feel, but are held back by security. The Mistress passes them a glare, almost ready to attack them, but reminds herself that there’s a vulnerable Dawg to her right. She turns in his direction, as he’s making it to his feet now, and hammers him with a pair of forearms. The shots stagger him enough for her to grab his wrist, Irish whip into the ringpole! JD bounces off the steel post, and stumbles toward the rampway. By the time he regains his complete balance, Sarah is up on the ring apron. JD returns to his feet, looks up, only to see a 155 pound missile springboard off the second rope, and crash into him with an Asai moonsault!

 

Curry: “Sarah flattens the Dawgmeister with that jaw dropping moonsault!”

 

NTD: “Damn that outfit is kinky flying through the air!”

 

The crowd is roaring in approval of the risky move, but that is all, because Sarah returns to her vertical composure, snaps her hair, and snarls at the thousands in attendance, getting a pissed off response for her efforts. Sarah simply chuckles at the ‘slut’ ‘whore’ and ‘spank me chants tossed her way. She proceeds to pull JD to his feet, and rolls the Canadian into the ring. Sarah pulls herself to the ring apron, leans forward in a state of wooziness, but snaps out of it, and slingshots over the top rope. Sarah flips forward once she is over the top rope, landing back first onto the laid out Dawg! The Mistress rolls to her feet, pivots, and makes the cover with a leg hook.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

ThrNO!! Jay Dawg powers out easily!

 

Sarah looks down at her opponent, proceeds to grab his arm, dragging JD away from the ropes with it, then wraps her legs around it, pulling down with the dreaded crucifix armbar! Shouts of pain and profanity come out of JD’s mouth, as he feels the pain of his elbow being hyperextended. JD pivots his body slightly, wrapping his arms around Sarah’s left leg, relieving most of the pressure. A look of anger fills the Princess of Pain’s face, as she isn’t too pleased with JD not tapping out. JD lets his power arm go of Sarah’s leg, and drives it into his opponent’s facial section. Sarah releases the armbar, and JD gets to his feet, although favoring his shoulder, he runs to the ropes. Upon his return, Sarah falls to her back, hooking his legs, trips him, then reverse somersaults onto his back, completing the rolling Boston crab!

 

Curry: “JD escapes one submission and is put in another by the lightning fast, Mistress Sarah!”

 

NTD: “And Jay Dawg is usually the expert at submissions! It’s ironic that he is being put in them for this battle!”

 

Although his back is being stretched in a way nature didn’t intend, Jay Dawg is smiling! The fans start to shout in rage, pissed that Jay Dawg is no selling the crab! Oh but those fools don’t see that JD has a hold of Sarah’s legs, a solid grip on her ankles to be more specific, and with one swift yank, Sarah is face planted into the mat! JD does a quick push up, turning around, he ties Sarah’s legs together, placing his knee over top of her ankles to hold them in place, and reaches toward her face/arms, ready to apply “You’re Fucked!”

 

Curry: “This hold isn’t applied much by Jay Dawg, but he has a perfect set up right here! If he traps the Mistress, this match is over because it is either tap out or pass out!”

 

NTD: “One of the only moves where you can’t make it to the ropes, and at the same time hurts like a bitch!”

 

JD places the one arm in a hammerlock, and reaches his arm around Sarah’s head for the inverted facelock. However, Sarah sparks to life, throwing a pair of elbows back with her spare arm, smacking JD hard enough that he lets go of the other arm. Sarah does a push up of her own, breaking JD’s trap on her legs, and the two get to their feet. Jay Dawg throws a punch, but Sarah catches the fist, throws it aside, drops to her knee, and knocks JD right off his feet with a sweep kick! JD slams into the mat, but sits back up. Sarah throws a mild kick, but it’s JD’s turn to catch it, spins her around like a wheel, and applies a rear waistlock. With easy power, JD throws Sarah over his head with a German suplex, but Sarah flips all the way to her feet! JD knows Sarah escaped, and turns right around into a spin kick from the agile Mistress! Lateral press.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Three…NO!! JD lifts one of his shoulder’s off the mat just in time!  

 

Curry: “A damn close call for Sarah after she countered that bigtime suplex!”

 

NTD: “If JD would have hit that suplex, it would have surely shifted the tide in his favor!”

 

Sarah stares down the ref, demanding him to count faster with her eyes, but the ref resists ‘the look.’ Like most of how this match has gone, half the fans are cheering, the other half booing Sarah heading to the outside. She steps out onto the ring apron, gripping the top rope, until that all too familiar music is heard.

 

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

 

"What they don't know is..."

{Bass drop}

"The bullsh*t..."

"The drama..."

"The guns..."

"The armor..."

 

Those ever so familiar lyrics of DMX’s ‘Who we be’ is heard over the speakers, cranked so loud that it is just pounding it’s way into the ears of all in attendance. Unlike the two fighting, this dude gets 100% pure hate filled shouts in his direction. Sarah sharply snaps her head, turning to the ramp, and spots a 450 pound giant entering the sights of the thousands filling the Wing Stadium.

 

Curry: “Oh my god! The HVille Thugg is out here! What is this monster going to try and pull!?”

 

NTD: “It’s quite obvious that he just has Jay Dawg’s back, in case any Carnival members come out!”

 

Curry: “Look at Mistress Sarah! She is just fuming. This young woman can not be too happy that he is out here!”

 

Although he made it to the ramp nearly half a minute ago, HVT hasn’t moved since. If he wasn’t so fucking huge, and his music wasn’t cranked over the speakers, the fans wouldn’t even know he was there! His music, however, dies down, as he simply stands there, arms crossed over his massive chest, already dressed to compete.

 

Curry: “We can’t forget, that the Thugg has a match against the highly dangerous, Spider Nekura right after this one!”

 

NTD: “Well maybe he’s just here to watch! Or he wanted to enter the ring early!”

 

Sarah hasn’t taken her eyes off the man she dominated the JL with, staring a hole right through him. It’s completely irrelevant to her, that Jay Dawg is now back to his feet. He walks up behind Sarah, grabbing her shoulder. The Mistress promptly turns around, swinging a tornado haymaker, but the anticipating Jay Dawg ducks! He follows it up with a waistlock and Sarah, and with a powerful thrust, pulls her over the top rope, pivots 180 degrees, and slams her into the mat with the belly-to-belly suplex!

 

Curry: “Jay Dawg finally hits one of his patented suplexes!”

 

Aware that the Mistress is completely stunned by the suplex, Jay Dawg heads to the corner, and climbs the top turnbuckle. Looking back up at the ramp, he gives a nod to Thugg, who nods in return. Jay Dawg eventually leaps off the turnbuckle, spreading his arms like a swan, he crashes his forehead into Sarah’s cranium with the diving headbutt! The headbutt takes a lot out of JD as well, as he rolls around, clutching his forehead, but has enough sense to roll over, draping an arm over Sarah’s prone body.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THREE…NOOO!!! In his dazed state, JD lifts his head briefly, then falls back down, cursing under his breath.

 

Curry: “What a closecall on that Swandive headbutt! You gotta believe JD wouldn’t have even hit that if that man wasn’t there!”

 

NTD: “He probably would have hit it sooner or later! Thugg just sped up the inevitable!”

 

JD gets to his hands and knees, slapping the mat repeatedly with one of his hands. He pulls himself to his feet, and slaps the thigh of his right leg, signalling for some Sweet Tooth Loosening. Sarah starts to come around, slowly starting the journey to her most effective fighting stance. JD begins to think that he’s a competition wrestler from Texas, stomping his foot like a madman. The crowd start up a “You suck, jobber!” chant, picking up quickly, going to the beat of his foot tapping, and spreading throughout the entire arena. Sarah is now at her feet, although more dazed then a tranquilized Australian. JD prances forward, rotating once, then spin jumps in the air, thrusts his leg out… “YIPE!!!!!” only to have his crotch grabbed in a testicular claw by Mistress Sarah!

 

NTD: “OY!! JD doesn’t even have to pay for the session!”

 

Curry: “Remember NTD! It’s a wrestling match, not an evening with a dominatrix! And in this wrestling match, JD has just been annihilated!”  

 

The ref of course, is looking up at the ramp at HVT, who is now wincing in pain, feeling the pain for his ‘nigga’ so to speak. The HVille Thugg starts to walk down the ramp, as the ref now sticks his head through the ropes, pointing HVT to the back.

 

Curry: “The ref doesn’t want Thugg near ringside, and with good reason!”

 

NTD: “But he hasn’t even done anything yet! He’s only buying Jay Dawg some time!”

 

Curry: “And he probably won’t, because the ref is enforcing the rules!”

 

JD’s crotch has been let go for a while before, but he is still holding it, caressing the throbbing pain. Sarah pulls JD to his feet, grabbing his arm and wringers it into an arm wrench, now holding with one hand. She looks over at HVT, who is now backing up the ramp, smiling at Sarah and the ref. JD bursts back to life, he wraps Sarah’s arm around her throat, spinning around that he is back-to-back with her. Sarah tries to reach back with her free arm, but JD gets a hold of it first, crossing the arms around her throat, he spins back around so she is doubled over, and pulls her into a cross armed headscissors.

 

Curry: “Whoa! JD just escaped the Manic Thunder and looks…

 

JD leaps in the air, pulling Sarah’s body out into a horizontal position…

 

“To be hitting the…

 

HVT raises his arm at the top of the ramp, as the pissed off JD smashes Sarah’s face into the mat with his finisher.

 

“JD’s Revenge! It’s over folks!”

 

Jay Dawg rolls Sarah over, and makes the cover, cradling her neck and hooking the leg.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THREE!!!!!!

 

The bell rings, as ‘Fight Music’ kicks up over the speakers, and the ref raises JD’s hand.

 

Funyon: “The winner of this match… JAY DAWG!!!”

 

At the top of the ramp, the sadistic smile of HVT returns as JD is announced the winner. The Dawgmeister walks up the ramp, smiling at Thugg, as the current champ places him in a painless headlock. The crowd roar out in disapproval, shouting a bunch of incoherent drabble, as the SWF editting crew tries to hide out all the RVD pops… wait… wrong company, ah well.

 

Curry: “A strong win for Jay Dawg! It’ll be interesting to see where his allegiance to Da Pound will take him!”

 

NTD: “He’s got nowhere to go but up, that’s all I have to say!”

 

All of a sudden, NTD farts four times in a row.

 

Curry: “Peeeeeew!”

 

NTD: “It was Sarah! That outfit made her fart! Umm yah!”    

 

Curry: “Commercial! Thank you!”

 

NTD: “And this concludes the writer’s warped sense of humor, next up, a promo by an unnamed person yet then a No DQ battle between The HVille Thugg and Spider Nekura!”

 

The camera cuts to a commercial.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"My inbox owns your ass!

 

It jobs people so I don't have to!

 

Mothernature says, poodle..."

[Guest Muzz]

Mr G could have used something like that in his marking days. Even less work.

 

Go Dawg, I know it's a conspiracy. I mark for j00.