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The Midweek News

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Yo, baby, yo, baby, YO! What’s happenin’ now? Okay, that was pretty lame… All joking aside, you ‘re probably wondering why I’m doing this instead of the esteemed Dr. Tom. No, I didn’t kill him and attempt to burn the body(SP joke, sucka!!!). Tom had a bunch of things on his plate as far as tonight goes so I’m standing in for him this week. Heyyyy now… get the fuck back here, dammit! I don’t suck THAT much! Anyways, I’ve been watching my Spaceballs DVD a lot these past few days and I must say, Rick Moranis is like a god in the movie. Man, for the days when Mel Brooks could actually write cool shit again, eh? My favorite Moranis line in the entire movie had to be when he tried to get in the escape pod ahead of the bearded woman, “Get out of the way, you big, bearded BITCH!”. Goddamn, that’s funny…



You know, sometimes I really fucking hate computers and this time is one of them. I had FOUR PAGES worth of stuff written for this column and when I went to post it on the site, I got the fucking BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! I lost EVERYTHING I had typed except for the first paragraph there because I had started on it earlier and it was saved before I wrote everything else. Now due to this PC, I’m just going to do a quickie column because I never know when it’s going to fucking spaz out on me.




The Midweek News




RAW Rating Goes Up?


RAW scored a 3.5 this week, which isn’t a shock considering it’s the first show after the PPV. And as for the show itself, RAW was amazingly average, which is pretty much a step up from the usual, but dammit, All Triple H, All the Time is seriously getting on my fucking nerves, ya know? Hell, I don’t even want to see the Steiner program event hough it’s something new just because both guys are damn near crippled and can’t seem to go 10 minutes before blowing up like Fat Show.


Credit: Dave Meltzer/The Wrestling Observer






Goldust gets a new director


Goldust got hitched today to his longtime girlfriend, Milena, according to the Torch. This is, of course, the second time for the new RAW tag champion and the first for Mrs. Goldust. I wonder if they let Dusty speak during the dinner afterwards? That’d be fucking funny as hell. “Ah tell ya what, son! They be bulldoggin’ on tha floe while Ah’m hera wit’ mah Cabla Ace Award!” Okay, that really, REALLY sucked, but fuck it, I’m still pissed about the Blue Screen, dammit!


Credit: Wade Keller/Pro Wrestling Torch






Ultimate Fighter gets BUSTED!


This is pretty fucking funny… Last Friday, Nicholas Bradley, a 23 year-old bodybuilder, got arrested when customs people caught a package of his being sent from China with $40,000 worth of steroids! Holy fucking SHIT! You think he and the WWE have the same dealers? Bradley told the authorities that he was in “Ultimate fighting” for some reason, which led to the questioning of local promoter Terry Terbilcock of the King of the Cage about the roids. He said this gem of a quote when talking about roids and Ultimate Fighters: “Bodybuilders use them, not Ultimate Fighters.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA!!!!!! What a lying sack of shit. He should be slapped for saying crap like that considering some of the monsters I’ve seen in Ultimate fighting rings.


Credit: Dave Meltzer/The Wrestling Observer






Well, kiddies, that does it for me. Tom’ll be back tomorrow with his Smackdown Report, so be sure to peep that. I’m out of here til Sunday(or, if this damned thing crashes again, 10 to 15 years after I fucking kill someone).





Later, bootches!





Byron Vester

The SmartMarks.com

E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x’s)

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