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On The Box: Tomorrow Never Dies


In The Player: Die Hard Ultimate


Heavy Rotation: t.A.T.u


Sore Thumbs: Kinnikuman II New Generation VS Legend






Question 1




Having posted numerous articles over the Christmas week and one on Christmas Day, an internet writer returns from an extended break from the web.




Did he spend his time off mostly:




a) Playing video games.


b) Playing with his cock.


c) Watching DVDs.


d) Working his sorry ass to the bone.



















































































































Well now, that’s not entirely true. Christmas was mostly relaxing and hassle-free. I did some work for the site (including grabbing the videos to go with my review that ultimately had to be dropped), spent time with the missus, and generally had a bunch of fun.




No, it was over my birthday that things got shitty. One of my final year essays that I’d done before Chirstmas got all fucked up and corrupted on my laptop, and being the genius that I am, I left the fucking notes behind at University. So five days before I’m supposed to go back and hand the frigging thing in, I make the three-and-a-half hour round trip to Uni to pick up my notes ON MY BIRTHDAY, and then spend the next few days working like a fucking maniac to get the essay redone.




As if that wasn’t fucking bad enough, I didn’t bring the floppy drive for my laptop when I came back to Uni, so I had to email the essay to myself, then print it out in one of the computer labs. I get to the labs with a few hours before deadline, but decide to check out the forums for a while and look at some wrestling news. Then, with an hour to go, I try to log in to my account… AND I CAN’T GET IN. Oh fuck. I try numerous terminals, in numerous computer labs (in numerous fucking buildings, for that matter), and still, I can’t get into that Yahoo! account. EVERY OTHER FUCKING ACCOUNT I’ve got with Yahoo! works fine, but not the one I sent the thing to. SO I haul ass back to my place and borrow a neighbour’s printer, but shit, Windows plug & play is a fucking joke. So I log on to the internet using my cellphone at peak fucking time (50p a minute MY FUCKING KNOB) and send the thing to five different email addresses on various providers.





I get back to the computer room with about twenty minutes to spare. I log on to Yahoo! and think, “Fuckit, may as well try”, and what do you know: THE ORIGINAL EMAIL ACCOUNT IS WORKING FINE NOW. I hate coursework.





So long story short, I haven’t been off living the high life instead of updating here, as a few people have suggested. Jesus, I got a shitload of games and DVDs for Chirstmas and my birthday and I’ve spent about an hour on all of them combined. I’ve had Metroid for God knows how long and I’ve still only played thirty minutes of that, just so you know that shirking my duties here ahs purely been out of necessity for maintaining my astonishing degree grades. Ahem.





So that’s all that’s new with me. I’ve still been fairly active on the net lately despite not having actually posted anything. If you haven’t done so already, check out Scotsman’s Special Edition Scott Keith Update that I contributed a lot to. I’ve also been on the boards in the Martial Arts, Japanese wrestling games, and Kinnikuman/Ultimate Muscle threads, and I’ve been buying a shitload of stuff on eBay. The Legends of Wrestling 2 review got some REALLY good feedback, and Scotsman even pimped it over on his site (even though he hates this sort of review), so at the moment I’m leaning more towards doing some video game reviews before I do some more DVDs. That in mind, the shortlist for game reviews right now is Kinnikuman (Ultimate Muscle), Die Hard, and maybe Animal Crossing (just because I love it and it’s the sort of thing people will just come to read because they feel the same way). As for DVDs, I’ve obviously got the ECW discs to finish off, then I’m looking at Ultimate Jordan (watching it over the holiday reminded me just how fucking awesome he used to be), The Crow, Shaolin Soccer, shit I might even do Hercules in New York.





I took out a subscription to the Observer over Christmas bleh. I mean, everyone always says how great it is, but it didn’t do a lot for me. For one thing, it’s REALLY badly written. A good example would be the writeup Meltzer did on Montreal that is just wildly incoherent at times, ad the newsletter isn’t much better. To be honest, and I know the site gets a lot of stick, but the 1Wrestling Premium section is far superior for what most people want. It’s updated all the time, the stories are far better exmaples of journalism (because Scherer doesn’t report rumour as fact, and because if he’s wrong about something, he’ll own up to it, instead of quietly pretending he never said something), they’re better written, and quite honestly, Scherer’s contacts are generally more on point. What Meltzer does REALLY well is stuff on Japan and MMA, which isn’t hugely interesting to me, but I give him a lot of credit for it. He also gives very, VERY detailed ratings breakdowns, although to be honest, so do 1Wrestling. A year’s subscription to the Observer would cost me about £100, whereas a year’s subscription to 1Wrestling runs me about £26, plus I get all the radio shows, and the news is up-to-the-minute and not a week old (obviously to allow for printing). Aside form the novelty of reading a dirt sheet on the can instead of on a monitor, I honestly can’t say I’d recommend it. Sorry Meltz.





Okay, enough chit-chat, I better provide some actual content. So, LET’S DO IT, BITCH~!













First run releases this week include Not Another Hugh Grant Movie, or About a Boy as it was released in theatres, and Holy Shit It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time or Undercover Brother as you might know it. You’ll also find a pretty cool DVD of a pretty fucked up little movie, Fear dot Com not to be confused with .com For Murder, the Natassja Kinski “movie” that also sees release this week.




Pretty Woman 10th Anniversary Edition should be interesting it’s got a commentary track, 15 minutes of extra footage and a few other little extras (including the obligatory “Pretty Woman” music video, of course), and generally restores my faith in the DVD format being the place to celebrate films that people love, rather than the Hollywood mentalit that it’s just another cheap revenue stream to milk consumers with substandard products.





It’s a pretty good week for wrestling WWF DVDs too. The Best of Confidential Volume 1 will probably be in everyone’s player already, not because of the programme itself (although I always find Vince’s concepts of what actually happened in history to be quite amusing), but because Bret-Davey from SummerSlam ’92 and Bret-Shawn from… MONTREAL… are on the disc, as are a couple of other matches (including Snuka-Ray Stevens). To read more about the disc, and see someone get flamed by everyone on the thread, click here. It goes slightly downhill from there, as Rebellion 2002 (good enough, but I wouldn’t part wit cash for it) and Survivor Series 2002 (can you say “BULLSHIT”?) round things off, but shit, you can’t argue with a ***** match and the biggest thing I the past twenty years of wrestling.





What else have we got… ooh, Above The Rim, muthafuckaaaaaaaaH! I used to love this movie. It’s totally mediocre, but the soundtrack was awesome. Plus, Tupac carves up Bernie Mac’s face with a razor. BOOYAH! Be careful shopping this week as Moulin Rouge and Armageddon are re-released as obnoxious single-disc editions, which is bad. Although, mentioning Armageddon is good, because it lets me footnote that SLING BLADE gets re-released this week too. Those of you who’ve heard the Armageddon commentary will know why that’s funny. The Collector’s Edition of Shakespeare In Love is worth checking out if you haven’t got it already, How Green Was My Valley won some Oscars or something (according to Frasier), SuperCop is a Jackie Chan flick, and Chinese Iron Man MIGHT have Bolo in it, but I’m not sure.





There’s four of Dudley Moore’s Arthur movies out this week too. Does anyone here remember the old XXX music albums he did with Peter Cook? “Kick her In The Cunt” and “My Mum Sucks My Knob” are two of the classics. Ahh, Dudley. I’m glad you’re dead.




Daddy of The Week: Holy hell, there’s some true shite out this week. You know, if I could only find some suitable DVD version of “WrestleCrap”, I’d rename this little section. If anyone can think of anything drop me a line. Anyway, there’s the diabolical “acting” effort from Oprah Winfrey in Beloved, which isn’t quite bad enough to earn top billing. Peach Interviewing Jenna Jameson scores points for being a mainstream DVD featuring a porn star meain it cannot possibly provide any kind of hardcore payoff. So, so close is Bellydance Fitness for Weight Loss: Hip Drop Hip Hop, and I’m guessing the producers of the disc don’t get the irony that they’re doing a weight loss video based on an activity that actually requires extra weight around the gut. But the champion this week is Master P’s I Got The Hook Up, just because it’s Master P and he’s funny. In a laugh at, rather than laugh with kind of way.













Warner Brothers and “NFL Films” (???) made a pretty interesting announcement: they’re bringing the Super Bowl XXXVII to DVD just two weeks after it airs for free on TV. Um, can you say “WCW”?





Well, if you’re a fan, you’re a fan, I guess. The whole here-hour show will be on the disc, with commentary tracks (literally, in this case) from both the AFC and NFC radio broadcasts, pre- and post-game stuff, highlights from the season and playoffs, and behind the scenes from Fan AXXess Super Bowl Week. Astonishingly, the legendary Super Bowl commercials (which would be worth buying a DVD collection for on their own) won’t feature on the disc in any way. Not surprising considering all the clearance they’d have to get, but you know, it seems like a pretty big thing they could have done seeing as most people will probably tape the thing anyway.





It’ll run you good people $25, which I guess is good value or not depending on which team wins. I know NOTHING about football, but I like the Raiders’ uniforms, so I’ll go with them. Well, them or the LA Xtreme.












Bugs Bunny: Looney Toons Volume 1 is DVD-bound no more. It seems that someone at Warner screwed up the press release and mentioned DVD instead of just VHS. I’m not even going to go into what a bunch of fucking dicks Warner are becoming.





You know what would have been REALLY funny, and may even have cleared the air a little? If thy’d released a press release saying “Sorry for the fuck up That’s All Folks!”










Well, that was enthralling.






No news = more sleep. I love this gig. See you cats next week. And remember:













































































That is incorrect. You are an asshole.






















































































No, his girlfriend played with it for him. LOL2002!!!!






































































































Substitute “DVDs” for “hardcore European pornography” and you might get partial credit.









































































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