AnglePalooza 2003

January 26, 2003

Fireworks go off as the crowd erupts. It’s time for the first PPV of 2003, Anglepalooza! Calling the events are Jim Ross and Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

JR: “Hello everyone, and welcome to Anglepalooza. Folks, we have a great card for you here tonight. AngleSault takes on the SuperStar in an Euthanasia match, for the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship! We have a tag team gauntlet for the gold! And you can’t forget about the Main Event, the 20 man gauntlet-style tag team championship match!”

Jesse: “Tony’s going home tonight richer, Ross. Tony’s going to finally win his title shot tonight!”

JR: “That’s great Jesse, but we’ve got two newcomers battling first!”

One Fall

Brock Ausstin (w/ Jim Heyross) vs. Y2Jailbait

Pyro goes off, signaling the start of the OAOAST Royal Rumble, and we immediately start the show off with "War Ensemble" by Slayer! Out walks the Agent of the "The Current Big Thing" Brock Ausstin, "Good Ol'ECDub" Jim Heyross, following by Brock. Brock stands at the top of the entrance way, and begins to hop around, before making his way down the isle with his agent. Jim Heyross, walks around the ring to the steel steps, and climbs up into the ring, as Brock jumps onto the apron FROM THE FLOOR~! Brock gets into the ring, and begins hopping around, waiting for his opponent for his first match in the OAOAST.

JR: BAH GAWD! That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

Jesse: What?

JR: Err....nothing.

"How I Could Just Kill A Man" by Cypress Hill begins to play, as Jailbait walks down from behind the entrance way in his bandana. Jailbait taunts the crowd and spits on one guy, as he walks down to the ring. Jailbait slides into the ring, and Brock is already on the attack! Brock runs straight into Jailbait, knocking the smaller opponent into the ropes.

* Ding Ding Ding *

JR: God Bless Brock Ausstin.

Jesse: Do you want to be alone with him or something?

JR: Can I?

Brock grabs Jailbait aggressively around the waist, and tosses him backwards with a giant overhead belly to belly throw. Brock is quickly back to his feet, as he goes back to Jailbait, lifting Jailbait to his feet, and again, wrapping his arms around Jailbaits waist, and tossing him backwards with an overhead belly to belly throw.

JR: HOSSLY GOODNESS! HOSSLY GOODNESS!

Brock goes back over to Jailbait, but Jailbait is already up to his knees, and hits Brock with a right hand to the gut, knocking Brock back. Brock tries to get Jailbait again, but Jailbait hits another right hand. Brock stumbles back, as Jailbait gets to his feet and charges at Brock. Brock goes for a clothesline, but Jailbait ducks under it, and continues running towards the ropes. Jailbait bounces into the ropes and comes charging back at Brock. Brock catches Jailbait around the waist, lifting Jailbait through the air, and flipping him around for what looks like a backbreaker, but Jailbait glides through, grabbing Brock's head, and dropping down with a DDT! Brock hits the mat, and rolls from the impact into a corner.

JR: Bah Gawd No!

Jesse: Look at the speed of Jailbait!

JR: Brock Bah Gawd is the best Bah Gawd Hoss I have ever Bah Gawd seen Bah Gawd!

Jailbait is quickly back to his feet, as Brock pulls himself up in the corner. Brock turns to Jailbait, leaning in the corner, as Jailbait comes charging in at Brock, but Brock quickly dodges out of the way, and Jailbait runs chest first into the corner. Jailbait bounces back from the impact, and Brock quickly grabs Jailbait around the waist, and tosses him backwards, Jailbait landing on his neck from a release German suplex from Brock. Brock gets up, and goes back to Jailbait, lifting Jailbait up, and wrapping his arms around Jailbait's waist again, and flipping him over his head, dropping Jailbait on the top of his neck with an Explodah Suplex~!

JR: I THINK I NEED NEW PANTS!

Jesse: Ewww.

Jim Heyross standing on the outside of the ring begins shouting at Brock to finish it. Brock lifts Jailbait up to his feet, and puts him in a powerbomb position. Brock grabs Jailbait by the waist, and lifts him up in a powerbomb, and drops down, driving Jailbait into the ground with a Sit-Out Powerbomb.

JR: BROCK JUST ATE JAILBAITS SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesse: Is this Mortal Kombat or Wrestling?

The referee makes the count, 1....2.....3!

* DING DING DING *

Winner: "The Current Big Thing" Brock Ausstin @ 3:24

Via: Pinfall, I Just Ate Your Soul~! (Sit Out Powerbomb)

Jim Heyross gets in the ring, and raises Brock's hand as Brock lets out an earth shattering scream of victory.

JR: “What a victory for this newcomer Brock Ausstin! In fact, since Ausstin is in the Rumble, I think he is going to shock us all and win the title shot!”

Jesse: “What a surprise.”

January 26, 2003

OAOAST REPLAY: We see Poet and Dandy losing on IZ and walking back up the Ramp. The fan by the ramp yells at them and cut to Poet slapping the taste out of his mouth.

::Cut to JR::

JR: “Well fans, what we just saw is something that I hope I never have to see again. Spider Poet and El Dandy viciously attacking a fan!”

Jesse: “Oh please, the little cretin had it coming!”

JR: “Now how in THE hell do you figure THAT?”

Jesse: Easy. “If I looked like that guy, I'D need a good slap in the face, too.”

The slow guitar intro for "Short Stories With Tragic Endings" is cut tonight, and we go straight to the hard guitar parts as The Spectacular Spider Poet emerges from the curtain and walks out on to the stage. He turns and points to the entrance and "Hells Bells" overtakes SSWTE, signaling the arrival of El Dandy. The two make their way down the ramp, looking none too pleased. In the ring, we see that the fan that they attacked is sitting, watching them, awaiting his apology. Beside him is a small table, with what appears to be a contract and a pen sitting on it

SP and Dandy climb in the ring as the music dies down. SP has a microphone.

SP: “You know . . . Dandy and I haven't been here very long. Not long at all. But in our time here, we've done our BEST, given our ALL, to entertain the fans. Fans like you -- what's your name, anyway?”

SP holds the mic out to the fan

Fan: “Uhh . . . my name is Mortimer. Mortimer Fields.”

SP: “Mortimer Fields. Okay . . . well then, Mortimer. Do you remember Bloody, Battered, and Beaten?”

Mortimer: “Y-yes.”

SP: “Good, good. Do you remember that Tables match between myself and Dandy and The Mystery Weirdness Connection?”

Mortimer: “Uhh . . . yeah.”

SP: “Oh, okay. Good deal. Then you'd also remember how I went through SEVERAL tables in that match, right? And how Dandy and I gave you fans one hell of a showing, right? RIGHT?”

Mortimer: “Yeah . . . yeah, I guess that was an okay ma—“

SP: “OKAY? OKAY?”

Dandy puts a hand on SP's shoulder in an effort to apparently calm him down. SP turns and faces his partner, apparently seething

SP: “DANDY! GET THE -- ::Mortimer's eyes widen:: -- . . . contract. Get the contract, please. Let's get this over with. We put our bodies on the line, go through tables, and he doesn't appreciate it. He's not worth any more of our time.”

JR: “Well it appears that these two young men still have some integrity left in them after all!”

El Dandy picks up the contract and motions for Mortimer to stand up. The frightened fan does so

SP: “Morty, we're going to need you to sign this contract after we apologize to you. Just something that officially states that you've accepted our apology and it releases us from any legan entanglements as a result of this whole matter. Okay?”

Mortimer nods, taking the contract in hand

SP: “::trades a look with Dandy and maybe, just maybe, a knowing smile passes between them:: Mortimer Fields, under the authorization of the OAOAST and it's leadership, I hereby offer an apology on behalf of myself, Spider Poet, my partner El Dandy, and the OAOAST itself. We're truly sorry.”

Mortimer: “Thank you. I accept. ::Mortimer signs the contract::”

SP: “Yes. Truly sorry, Morty.”

SP boots Mortimer in the gut and hits him with a DDT!

SP grabs a mic and gets down on the ground next to Mortimer, snarling as El Dandy smiles sadistically

SP: “SORRY WE DIDN'T BEAT ONE OF YOU LITTLE FANBOYS UP SOONER!”

SP and Dandy proceed to lay into Mortimer, putting the boots to him hard. SP suddenly stops and looks at Dandy

SP: “Drag him to the corner! Do it!”

El Dandy drags the beaten Mortimer Fields to the corner, pounding him in the chest and ribs with hard stomps once he's there. SP climbs to the top rope and leaps! SPIDAHSAULT~! SP snags the mic and gets to his feet.

SP: “Let's get something straight, RIGHT NOW. We don't care about Mortimer Fields, we dont' care about the fans, we don't care about Billy-Bob Watts, the aWo, or any OAOAST political Bullsh*t! We're going to WIN the Tag Team Championships and we will sit atop that throne for a LONG, LONG time. LOS INFERNALES! LOS INFERNALES! WE ARE THE KINGS OF FIRE, AND WE'RE GOING TO BURN THIS EMPIRE TO THE GROUND!”

SP grabs Dandy's wrist and swings their arms into the air, standing victorious against whatever they want to this night

JR: “What pieces of garbage. I hope they go to Hell.”

Jesse: “What a move by those two. I love it!”

JR: “Anyway folks, the X-Title rematch is up next!”

January 26, 2003

OAOAST X-Title Championship Match

EvenflowDDT © vs. Reject

“Money is my Bitch” hits as evenflowDDT makes his way to the ring.

FINKEL: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the OAOAST X-title! The champion, weighing in at 180lbs, evenflow D…D...”

evenflowDDT snatches the microphone.

evenflowDDT: “Reject, now that I’ve met the old lady, I can truthfully call you a son of a bitch! I was ready to just destroy you to fill my precious time, but because of YOU and YOUR MOM, the love of my life won’t even speak to me. Because of a little worm like you and the dirty twat you came from, I’m where you should be – the dog house! Now I’m not bored or apathetic, or even looking to get ahead. I’m pissed. And if there’s one wrath you don’t want to incur, it’s the Power of the Dollar! In fact…”

evenflowDDT very clearly and matter-of-factly pulls several bills from his wallet and hands them to the ref.

evenflowDDT: “…let’s make this a match I can’t lose – NO FUCKING DQ! I was the last hardcore champion, you scum. What are you…”

Reject comes in from behind with a hard baseball bat to the back of evenflow’s head. He immediately hooks the leg and covers evenflow, but the ref refuses to count! After a ten count, Reject gets off evenflow and threatens the ref, who informs him he can’t make the count because the match hasn’t started yet! He motions for the bell to start the match and Reject goes back to cover evenflowDDT for 1…..2….two seconds are stretched as long as possible, until evenflow finally recovers and kicks out. Reject’s face goes red as he grabs the ref by his shirt; he’s furious, not just at evenflow for insulting his mother this recent week, but at this screw-job officiating. The ref threatens to end the match, but Reject reminds him of the newly added stipulation by kicking him square in the jaw, then turning back to his opponent.

With his foe distracted by the ref, evenflowDDT had left the ring and is preparing to re-enter with a custom-plated, barbed-wire wrapped chair, but Reject cuts that off quickly enough with a baseball slide! He climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for evenflow to get up, then comes down on him with a flying body press onto the floor! Evenflow tries to shove him off, but Reject stays on top of him, delivering a series of fore-arms, until he comes off and goes searching under the ring for more weapons. He remembers evenflow’s chair from earlier, and grabs it, but the recovered ref pulls it out of his hands, and, arguing with him whilst holding his jaw, tosses it aside. Reject grabs his shirt again, but evenflow is back up and capitalizes with a t-bone suplex ON THE CONCRETE~!

JR: “Evenflow looking to injure the challenger.”

Jesse: “Best way to win a match.”

JR: “You would know.”

Jesse: “That’s why I’m here!”

Evenflow is quick to follow up, whipping Reject hard into the ring steps and ring barrier before planting Reject stomach-first on the ring steps, applying pressure on Reject’s back with his foot and grabbing his neck in a modified camel clutch.

Reject screams until the ref tells evenflow to break the hold, since a submission outside the ring doesn’t count. Evenflow gets off him and tosses him in the ring, grabbing the custom-plated chair again. Reject gets to his feet and holds his back, but evenflow swings a hard chairshot, bringing Reject down to the mat again. Evenflow delivers several more vicious chairshots to his exposed back, stopping to place the chair atop the fallen Reject and bask in the crowd’s increasingly loud boos. He climbs to the top for a moonsault, but Reject barely manages to roll out of the way and evenflow lands hard on the chair. Reject struggles to make it to the corner and pull himself up, and dashes over to cover evenflow… but the ref’s not counting again! Reject has had enough, and just tosses the ref out of the ring, heading towards the back to demand a new ref.

About thirty seconds later, Reject slides back into the ring, followed by a new ref, but evenflowDDT catches him in a quick roll-up for 1…2…3.NO! Reject makes it out in the nick of time! Evenflow whips out his custom-plated wallet again, attempting to bribe this new ref, but Reject superkicks evenflow from behind, causing him to drop the wallet and fly into the corner. Reject is still holding his back, but grabs the wallet, heads over to the corner, and chokes evenflow by stuffing hundred-dollar bills down his throat! Evenflow struggles and shoves Reject away long enough to spit out the bills, but Reject rushes right back at him, SPEAR~!ing him into the corner and following up with a Reality Check! Unfortunately, Reject landed awkwardly and is unable to capitalize. The crowd rallies behind him as he finally makes it over for 1…2.but evenflow’s easily kicked out by then.

Jesse: “Match has taken a lot out of Reject. He should have been able to beat Evenflow there.”

The crowd erupts as Reject hops up to the top; he looks around… FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH~! Unfortunately, due to the pressure of impact, he’s unable to capitalize again. He goes not for a cover, but rather, the custom-plated barbed-wire wrapped chair. The “Reject!” chants get louder and louder as Reject drags evenflow over and sets him up in the corner. He runs to the other edge of the ring and hops up top again. The crowd is on their feet… it couldn’t be, not with the beating he’s taken in this match… PITCH BLACK~! PITCH BLACK~! Despite his back being shot to hell, Reject made it all the way across the ring, and running on adrenaline he covers for 1…2…evenflow barely manages to stick his foot on the ropes at the last second to break up the count. Reject can’t believe it! He takes a second to regroup, the crowd cheering louder than ever, until evenflow catches him in a schoolboy! 1…2…Reject reverses into a roll-up of his own for 1…2…evenflow reverses into another roll-up, this time holding the tights for 1…2…Reject lashes out and hits a low blow to break the hold! Reject spinning heel kicks evenflow into the corner, leaps over him to the top… LETHAL REJECTION! That’s gotta be the end, 1…2…3!

The crowd is on their feet as Reject is handed the belt, but they gasp as evenflowDDT comes in from behind and Evenflow DDT’s Reject before stomping away at his back and spitting on him. The ref restrains evenflow and forces him to leave the ring to deafening boos, which quickly turn to cheers as the ref helps Reject back up and raises his hand in victory. It seems Reject has finally found the acceptance he’s long searched for in OAOAST.

JR: “One title match, one title change! Could this be a sign Jess?”

Jesse: “How should I know? I’m a color commentator, not Miss Cleo Ross!”

JR: “Err, anyway, another title rematch, this time for the NA belt, is up next!”

January 26, 2003

OAOAST North American Championship Match

Thunder Kid vs. Angle-Plex ©

"God of Thunder" hits and Thunderkid is on his way to the ring, emerging through smoke and yellow strobe lights pulsing on the stage. He looks determined and ready for business. As soon as he hits the ring . . . "It's Raining Men" hits the sound system and Angle-Plex can be seen coming through the crowd. He looks up at the Angletron incredulously as he hears the music they have playing for him, and it already looks like he's not going to be in a good mood tonight.

The music dies down, but the crowd's chanting doesn't. *Baaaaan Ag-NES! *clap-clap-clap*

AP and TK lock up to start and the ref calls for the bell to start the match. Turned into a headlock by AP, but broken up as TK pushes AP to the ropes. Angle-Plex comes back with a stiff shoulder block to Thunderkid and the kid is down! Plex backs into the ropes and comes back with a big elbow drop but he only gets mat as TK rolls away and gets to his feet. Angle-Plex is up too and he charges, but TK ducks, turns and KICK-WHAM-DDT! TK goes for the early pin but gets nothing as AP lunges right out of it.

Both competitors are up and we lock up again. Plex powers TK back into a corner and LIGHTS HIM UP with several knife edge chops. Angle-Plex backs up when the ref says something but quickly moves back in and NAILS TK with a couple of right fists to the jaw. He goes to whip TK into the opposite corner, but TK puts the brakes on, turns, and hits a SPINKICK on AnglePlex! TK goes for the boots but AP rolls out of the ring for a breather.

JR: “The challenger with the advantage at this point of the match.”

Thunderkid looks on, bent down, watching Plex prowl around on the outside of the ring. Finally, AP slides in and tries to go for Kid's knee, but Kid sidesteps. Plex rolls and kicks up, however, and nails TK in the stomach. AP locks him and hauls TK up and forces him down for a harsh Jackhammer. He makes the cover but TK kicks out at 1 and a half. Agitated, Angle-Plex gets to his feet and starts putting the boots to Thunderkid. TK now rolls under the ropes, looking for some kind of momentary rest and and escape.

Plex doesn't afford him the luxury, however, and reches over the ropes and takes a handful of hair, hauling Thunderkid back up onto the apron. TK turns around slowly as Plex ignores the ref, and Plex gets a stiff RIGHT HAND for the effort. He's reeling, and TK takes the opportunity, leaping and catching AP in a sunset flip pin. A 1 count but mostly because Plex was stunned for a brief moment, and he quickly kicked out. AP scrambles around to his feet and meets Thunderkid with a hard right, and then a second, and goes for the third but TK ducks and darts across the ring to the ropes. Heading back he uses the momentum for a SPEAR~!, but Plex dodges and extends a knee to catch TK mid-flight. TK slams Plex's knee and flips over, hitting the mat and holding his ribs. AP drops a quick elbow and then another and goes for a cover. The ref hits the mat and 1 . . . 2 . . . TK gets his foot on the ropes! Angle Plex can't believe it and he is AGITATED now, folks. He reaches down and hauls Thunderkid to his feet and delivers a quick DDT and goes for the cover again. 1 . . . 2. . . No, TK kicks out.

AP hauls the Kid to his feet, and goes for a right hand but TK blocks and delivers a fist of his own. And a second! AND A THIRD! AnglePlex is stunned, and TK capitalizes by quickly hooking him up and hitting a T-BONE SUPLEX. TK goes for the cover: 1 . . . t--NO. AP kicks out and rolls away to get to his feet. TK is there, though, and kicks AP in the belly as he's trying to rise. TK takes Plex and whips him into the ropes, and catches him in a quick FLAPJACK on the return. TK immediately goes for AP's ankle and locks in an ANKLE LOCK! Plex tries for the ropes but the Kid drags him back, but it's a waste as AP shifts, turns, and kicks TK off of him. TK charges back but Plex hits the mat and TK goes over him. Plex is up on his feet and he catches TK on the return with a devistating BELLY TO BELLY! On the way over, TK's foot cracks the ref in the head! Thunderkid is down, and AP makes for the top turnbuckle, signaling for the flying headbutt. He LEAPS, he FLIES, and WHAT AN IMPACT to the STERNUM of THUNDERKID! AP collects himself and gets an arm over TK for the pin: Nothing! The ref is still down and that was a bit longer than three seconds!

JR: “Amazingly enough, AP has a pin, but there is no ref!”

Jesse: “Even when AP can get a three count, he can’t! He can’t win, can he Ross?”

Angle Plex moves over and nudges the ref to wake up. Just as the ref comes to, TK works AnglePlex into a quick Oklahoma Roll for the pin and the ref makes a quick count in his dazed state: 1 . . 2 . . 3!

The ref rolls out of the ring to collect the belt and Angle-Plex is FURIOUS now! He looks disgustedly at Thunderkid as the Ref returns and hands him the NA Title belt and hoists his hands into the air. Plex is on his feet in a second, clothesline to the ref and he's out of the ring. TK drops the belt to defend himself but Angle-Plex is in a RAGE! With a quick movement AP hits Thunderkid with the ST. AGNES DDT~! onto the Title belt! A camera is close enough to hear him as AP gets down in the downed Thunderkid's face and yells, "TRAVESTY! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!" Plex snatches the belt up and holds it above his head before quickly exiting the ring and making his way back up the ramp, Thunderkid's NA Title belt slung over his shoulder.

JR: “What sportsmanship from AP.”

Jesse: “Even I think that is a little low. Mostly because I don’t like Agnes.”

JR: “Anyway, the tag gauntlet match is up next!”

January 26, 2003

OAOAST Tag Team Championship Match

Familiar to the audience, "Ice, Ice Baby" overlays "Verdi's Requiem". Cue the blue lights and dimming lights, and you've got the Mystery Weirdness Connection as the first team in the gauntlet.

JR: “You'd have to say this placement is rather unfair for the former champions, who hadn't gotten a rematch yet.”

JESSE: “Victims of the Zack syndrome.”

The reaction from the crowd is mixed. The MWC dominated the tag division for months until losing the belts in a screwy manner to the aWo. This is their first opportunity to regain gold.

As they enter the ring, the entrance ramp lights up in a shower of white sparks, the music changing to My Hero, BPP and Tony come out sporting Team OaOasT jerseys

Tag Team Gauntlet Match #1

Mystery Weirdness Connection vs. Team OaOasT

BPP and MME start off. Feeling each other out, MME and BPP circle the ring, locking up with MME gaining the advantage of a headlock on BPP. BPP begins to lift MME's arms up as he powers out, but MME cancels those plans by flipping over BPP and hitting a modified version of a stunner!

JR: “WhatAMove! Ole Stunner right there!”

JESSE: “You act like they've never fought before. These two know each other well.”

JR: “You're right Jesse, they had quite the feud for the United States Television Title back in the early days of the OaOasT.”

Eskimo covers for a two count. BPP arches his back and picks up Eskimo scoop style, standing up with MME still across his chest, Fall Away Slam! Popick absorbs the cheers from the crowd, and then tags in Tony.

The slitering Eskimo avoids Tony's hands and makes it to tag in the big man, Jingus. Tony stares into the eyes a foot about him, and smacks Jingus' head with a right hand. JIngus starts and points at Tony.

Tony tries to attack again, but Jingus starts shaking it off, flailing his arms widely. Tony connects hard with one shot, knocking Jingus' head back, but the devil man comes with a stare and Shaq finger wag!

JR: “The old no-sell!”

Jesse: “Oh brother...”

Right hands from Jingus send Tony back to the ropes, and Jingus whips him off, catching on the return with a boot to the face. He actually looks to be having some fun. Jingus looks to the crowd on his left, and then to his right, and takes off his kneepad and throws it into the crowd. Jingus runs the ropes, and delivers a thundering legdrop!

JR: “He calls that the Mysterious and Weird Legdrop.”

JESSE: “It is! How could Tony stay down that long. It better not get a three!”

Jingus covers, but its BPP entering the ring illegally which prevents the three count. Jingus scowls, which sends BPP back down to the outside.

Jingus picks Tony back up, and nails a Clawslam. The former champions are manhandling Team OaOasT. BPP enters the ring again, but this time he's equipped with a steel chair. The ref sees it, thusly trying to grab it from BPP...the two struggle until MME comes back in, putting a distracted Popick into the Frostbite Facelock!

The chair falls to the apron, and an alert Jingus notices the ref working on MME/BPP. JIngus stalks over to grab the chair. Tony is also up at this time, so as Jingus turns back around with the chair over his back, Tony picks him up for an Out of Body Experience....but Jingus counters a struggling Tony with an unprotected chairshot to the head!

JESSE: “That's not right!”

JR: “BPP brought the chair in first.”

JESSE: “I never liked him anyways. C'mon ref!”

The referee heard the shot very clearly and he turns his attention to the ring action. Once his eyes spot Jingus with chair in hand, he signals for the bell...disqualifying the Mystery Weirdness Connection. Jingus's scowl says it all, and the two men leave a battered Team OaOasT lying in the ring.

Tag Team Gauntlet Match #2

Greenmist/NazMistry vs. Team OaOasT

The music of GM/Naz starts up, but the two don't appear onstage. They come in through the crowd instead, and both cover BPP and Tony for a long two-count.

Order breaks down, our poor official simply can't seperate the teams long enough to get a normal tag team match. GM works over BPP, and Naz assaults Tony

JR: “These two haven't had a good run as of late.”

JESSE: “It's because BPP is holding them down, you know what kind of power that man wields! He's abusing it to keep his spot!”

JR: “Then how do you explain the build of Los Infernales? That was BPP's idea.”

JESSE: “He's playing favorites!”

JR: “You're hopeless!”

JESSE: “You're fat, see me complaining? I don't get my fair share of space at this position.”

JR: “...”

Back to the action in the ring, GM/BPP has made it to the outside, so Naz/Tony is assumed to be the legal combination. Naz is focusing in on Tony's head with some stiff puro kicks. Tony grabs the last one, throwing Naz into a dragon screw leg whip. Naz gets in a kick right at Tony's temple on the way down, and the old-timer becomes dead weight.

One problem, that dead weight landed on Naz's chest and shoulders. The ref counts...1...2...3 as Naz squirms.

JR: “It's really tough to move dead weight...Naz was owning Tony, but his prowess was his undoing.”

JESSE: “You know all about moving dead weight don't you?”

JR: “Shutup.”

Tag Team Gauntlet Match #3

Los Infernales vs. Team OaOasT

Hells Bells begins as the newly dubbed "Los Infernales" make their way down to the ring replete with boos and trash-throwing. Just a few weeks ago, they were fan favorites, but their treatment as of late has been quite different.

Coming down to the ring, Dandy pulls Tony the Body out while SP tends to fighting off BPP. On the outside, Dandy throws Tony into the steel steps, then taking some time to pull two chairs away from fans.

Spiderpoet takes BPP down by dodging a punch, rolling out and through with a spinning side kick. SP catches the chair as Dandy rolls in with the other one. As BPP groggily gets up...SP goes to the outside ring apron, placing BPP between him and Dandy. BPP turns around in time to catch a chairshot attempt by Dandy, but not the EL DANDYNATOR~! At the same time SP uses the top rope to hit a slingshot dropkick with chair!

JESSE: “I believe that's called A Short Story with a Tragic Ending.”

JR: “You always did have a way with words...”

BPP isn't stirring, so SP drops down and covers. The ref, with no real choice...counts the reluctant three.

The new dynamic duo await the aWo team of CWM/Sandman, next!

::Special Ring Announcer Michael Bonner steps into the ring::

Bonner: “Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is set for one fall, and will be for the OaOasT Tag Team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers, having fought through the gauntlet, the team of Los Infernales, El Dandy and The Spectacular SpiderPoet!”

::Crowd boos::

::Cue: aWo Porno::

Bonner: “And making their way to the ring, the reigning and defened OaOasT Tag Team Champions, Two Time Tag Team Champion CWM and former HardKore Champion Sandman, the team of the AngleSault World Order!”

::Crowd boos::

Fan: “I hope you tear a quad CWM!”

CWM: “Shut up Nash.”

The teams make their way to their respective corners

JR: “Both teams are fairly fresh”

JESSE: “Chairshots to the head have a way of ending matches quickly, these Infernales are smart.”

JR: “You always have to cheer for the heel don't you?”

JESSE: “There's a face in this matchup?”

JR: “...”

JESSE: “Go eat BBQ big hoss.”

SP and CWM start off, exchanging headlocks for a bit. CWM finally gets a good one locked in but SP had a counter in mind, he flips CWM over his back and hits a modified *botched* neckbreaker.

JESSE: “What was that?”

CWM gets pissed~! and no-sells, pummeling SP on the mat with forearms to the face repeatedly until blood is drawn. As it dribbles down the forehead, Sandman starts yelling for the tag, screaming for blood.

Tag to Sandman as CWM distracts the ref, Sandie uses an illegal Cheese Grater hidden in his pants to assault SP's face. It's tossed out of the ring as SP continues to bleed heavily.

JR: “He already needs to make a tag.”

JESSE: “No shit Captain Obvious.”

Sandman raises SP up and throws him into a neutral turnbuckle. Sandman charges, but SP hits a desperation roundhouse ala Low-Ki! Sandman falls down, limp on the mat, tumbling near the opposite turnbuckle.

SP goes into autopilot, hitting the Spider's Web *running handspring cartwheel splash ala RVD* Instead of going for a pin, SP keeps his momentum and darts up the turnbuckle, coming off with a Spidahsault on Sandman. Both men collapse.

JR: “He'd have the pinfall now.”

JESSE: “If he had a blood transfusion, the rings a two-tone now.”

Indeed it is, and it is all SP can do but to crawl over to his partner to make a tag. Sandman does the same, and he's now bleedign from the mouth...Dandy and CWM come to face each other.

Dandy wastes no time going low on CWM, garnering a warning from the ref. Instead of heeding it, Dandy continues his offensive, hitting a unassisted Vav Dandinator to sprawl CWM in the ropes.

With CWM hanging onthe second rope, Dandy runs through the 1st and 2nd ropes, grabbing under CWM's armpits. CWM is pulled via momentum up and over the ropes, into a sit-down powerbomb on the outside!

JR: “Holy!”

JESSE: “Shit!”

Crowd: Chants "Dandy!"

JR: “Well, I didn't know that was possible...”

JESSE: “We're the OaOasT. Physics is just a mere afterthought!”

Dandy stands in awe of the move he just pulled off, and misses the crowds roar. Big Poppa Popick returns with a steel chair, smashing it into Dandy's head. CWM is also trying to get up, and he gets nailed as well!

JR: “Well, he's pissed.”

JESSE: “He lost.”

As BPP leaves into the crowd, another murmur begins on the other side. With a shirt reading "I hate women's wrestling" the man known as Mole jumps SP, pulling him off the mat into a ring apron to floor X-Factor!

JR: “Umm...what the hell is his problem?”

JESSE: “A love triangle, an old murder, bad dentistry?”

JR: “Wrong promotion.”

JESSE: “Ohh...”

Sandman sees what's happening, and goes over to throw SP in as well as CWM, whom he drags to the corner and tags himself in. Over to SP, Sandman sets up the H8 lock, and a bloodied SP fights the pain for well over two minutes before collapsing into unconsciousness

Bonner: “Your winners, in 20:45, and still OaOasT Tag Team Champions, CWM and Sandman!”

JR: “Goddammit, they still have our tag belts!”

Jesse: “And could keep our world belt here.”

JR: “I know. Folks, the Euthanasia match is up next!”

January 26, 2003

The Superstar is WALKING~! When a very anxious Michael Cole stops him.

MC: “Superstar! We’re just moments away from your second OAOAST World Title match against Anglesault. This time, however, it’s in a Euthanasia match. Your thoughts?”

SS: “My thoughts? Cole, I don’t even know what the hell a Euthanasia match *IS*. But I’ll tell you one thing. Anglesault thinks he ca-“

Anglesault enters the picture

AS: “I think I can what, Supershit? I’ll tell you what. You’ll find out soon enough what a Euthanasia match is. But right now? We’re going to start the festivities a little early…”

Out of nowhere, the entire aWo jumps The Superstar from behind, in a vicious gang beating. As the Champion looks on, smirking, the entire group of scoundrels attacks the Challenger with various weapon shots, stiff punches, and throws into the wall. When all is said and done, Superstar is left a bloody and beaten mess. And this match hasn’t even started yet!

OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship

AngleSault © vs. The SuperStar

Euthanasia Match

As the camera pans across the arena, we get the first glimpse of the “chamber of horrors”, which will be the nightmare of both men tonight:

Pyramid shaped Cage.

Cage walls on fire.

Barbed wire ring ropes.

Nails in the turnbuckles

Glass floor replacing the mat, with weapons under the ring.

Chains and a noose hanging from top of the cage.

Pinfall, Submission or Knockout are the only ways to win.

JR: “Oh, this isn’t good. Are they trying to kill themselves?”

Jesse: “Five bucks says I know who gave AS this idea.”

JR: “I think we all know who did.”

The fans are silent in anticipation as they survey the ring, until “Downfall” hits.

The crowd jumps to their feet with a loud ovation for The Superstar, but as he enters, it’s obvious what the aWo beatdown did to him. He has bruises and blood on his face, and he walks with a noticeable limp. The cage hasn’t been set on fire yet, so Superstar carefully enters the ring and awaits the Champion.

“a…W…o” “Dream On” hits and the arena fills with boos as the OAOAST Champion, Anglesault, enters the arena. He confidently enters the ring, and this match is on!!

Superstar immediately charges for Anglesault, but gets caught with a kick to the face, snapping Superstar backwards, as the cage walls are lit, and it just got a lot hotter in here. Sault picks up Superstar and attempts to whip him into the barbed wire, but Superstar slides under the bottom, but realizes how close he is to the fire and slides back in. Sault is right back on Superstar with stomps, but Superstar grabs the leg and hits a single-leg takedown. As Anglesault gets up, Superstar catches him with the SuperShot, taking down the champion again. The glass floor could break ANY minute, resulting in severe injury (what DOESN’T cause injury in this match?) and allowing weapons to be used. Superstar tries to whip Sault into the barbed wire, which is reversed, which is reversed again, and again, until both men HIT THE BARBED WIRE and tumble to the outside! There are already visible cuts on the arms and torso of these two. They head back into the ring, and Sault hits Superstar with the overhead belly-to-belly suplex! As Superstar recovers, Anglesault waits for him to get up, and taunts him. They break out into a slugfest, and Anglesault, forgetting the ropes are barbed wire, falls back onto one, and immediately pulls back in pain. However, Superstar catches him before he can fall, and hits a GERMAN SUPLEX! AND ANOTHER! AND THE ALLSTAR…RIGHT INTO THE NAILS ON THE TURNBUCKLE~! Anglesault’s back is now a bloody mess, as Superstar has to PRY him off the turnbuckle, and he throws Sault back into the barbed wire ropes! Superstar then sets up for the Supernova, his version of the Sliced Bread #2. However, once he reaches the nails, he lets go of the headlock, sending ANGLESAULT’S FACE INTO THE NAILS, and Superstar goes flying to the outside…right onto the fire wall…and his SHIRT CATCHES ON FIRE!! As fast as he can, the challenger tears his shirt off and stomps on it. Close call. Superstar heads back into the ring, as both men are bleeding heavily. Sault suckers Superstar in, however…SWEET EMOTION over the barbed wire ropes, to the floor! As they get up, they immediately, and probably involuntarily, stagger towards the cage. Once they realize how close they are to the fire, they try to push each other into the flame. At the same time, SUPERSTAR AND ANGLESAULT HIT THE FIRE CAGE, but quickly pull off and slide into the ring, as burns on their arms are already visible. As Anglesault is concerned with the blood on his face, back, and arms, Superstar catches him…TOMBSTONE! Cover: 1…2…NO! Superstar slowly picks Anglesault up, nails some chops, and picks the Champion up for the Star Power…but AS goes behind Superstar, and pushes him head and torso first into the NAILS!! Anglesault PRIES Superstar off the nails, and gives him the LAST CHILD! 1…2…NO! The glass floor is looking VERY weak, and could break after any forthcoming move. As Sault picks Superstar up, the challenger counters with a desperation low blow! Both men are now slow to their feet, but Superstar once again locks Anglesault into Star Power position…but he’s too close to the turnbuckles, and Sault escapes. He plants his feet on the area of the turnbuckle WITHOUT nails on it, and grabs one of the chains hanging from the top of the pyramid! He climbs up the chain, as though he’s waiting for Superstar to follow him. Slowly, Superstar obliges, and now both men are hanging from chains suspended from the cage roof. They start kicking at each other, hoping to knock one down. However, Anglesault has the smarter plan, as, using his feet, he begins to push Superstar UP…towards the flames. Superstar tries to stop it, so Anglesault JUMPS from his chain to Superstar’s chain…and PUSHES SUPERSTAR INTO THE FIRE!!! Scalded, Superstar FALLS 15 FEET…BREAKING THE GLASS FLOOR AND FALLING THROUGH IT!!!! OH MY GOD!!! Anglesault looks on in shock, but seizing the opportunity, he climbs to the noose, and placing his feet on the circular part…DELIVERS A SALTSAULT FROM THE NOOSE…15 FEET DOWN ONTO THE FALLEN SUPERSTAR~!!!! HOLY SHIT!! The noose fell down from the cage, as well. Superstar is DEAD, and Anglesault doesn’t look to good, either. Slowly, slowly, Anglesault gets up, and sees all the weapons now at his disposal…however, he only sees one he wants: the fallen noose. Anglesault picks it up, and wraps it around Superstar’s neck…and then, WHILE HOLDING THE NOOSE AND CHOKING SUPERSTAR, LOCKS IN THE SCREAMS OF NO REPLY!!! It’s bad enough Superstar is already DEAD, but now he has an Ankle Lock and a guillotine applied to him!! 15 seconds…no tap out. 30 seconds…no tap out. 45 seconds…no tap out. The crowd is going wild with a “Superstar” chant, but…the referee notices that the Superstar is out cold, and signals for the bell, and this practice in brutality is over.

Winner: Anglesault in 17:53 via a Screams of No Reply/Noose combination, Superstar is knocked out.

Technical staff immediately rushes to the ring, puts out the flames, and takes off all the dangerous equipment. As the cage is raised, the aWo comes out, and puts the extremely bloody Anglesault onto their shoulders, as they celebrate with the STILL-Champion.

JR: “Good lord that was violent. So violent, we didn’t even get a chance to comment on it!”

Jesse: “But now, Ross, it’s Tony time!”

JR: “Yes folks, the Royal Rumble is up next!”

Superstar is struggling to get to his feet, and is doing so with the help of Big Poppa Popick, Tony the Body, Zack Malibu, and EvenflowDDT. They raise his arms, and the crowd gives him a standing ovation for his effort. With a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, a groggy Superstar acknowledges the fans as he’s helped to the back.

January 26, 2003

OAOAST Royal Rumble

Winner Receives OAOAST World Heavyweight Title Shot

The ring announcer is in the ring, with a microphone, ready to explain the rules of such a matchup.

“In this, the OAOAST Royal Rumble, the winner of the match shall receive a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at AngleMania. The contestants who drew #’s 1 & 2 shall start. After three minutes, the contestant who drew #3 shall enter. At the point where six men are in the ring, the clock will be shut off. Once the number of contestants is down to five, the three minute interval will begin again. To eliminate a person, they must either be pinned or forced to submit. Pinfalls and submissions only count in the ring, and there is NO disqualification or count-outs.”

JR: “Well, this is new.”

Jesse: “I hate it.”

JR: “You hate everything new.”

Jesse: “Why did they have to change it? You’d think that HHH is booking this bull…”

JR: “Easy boy.”

“Now, will the contestant who drew #1 please come down to the ring.”

The fans rise in anticipation of the unfortunate soul who drew #1. The arena is silent for a moment until “Verdi’s Requium” blares over the soundspeakers, and JINGUS stomps his way down to the ring.

JR: “That big ol’ hoss drew #1? What the hell is this? Everyone knows that hosses can’t go the distance? He’s been screwed! Damn you HHH! Damn you to Hell!”

Jesse: “Jim, what the Hell are you ranting about?”

JR: “My precious hosses, always being screwed over…”

Jingus obviously looks angry in the ring, for having drawn #1, he will have to go the distance in order to win.

“And now, will the contestant who drew #2 please come down to the ring.”

The ring announcer leaves, as another moment of silence, before…

“A.W.O.”

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” hits as CobainWasMurdered appears on the stage. CWM also looks upset at the fact that he has drawn such an early number as well.

JR: “Wow! A former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and a big ol’ hoss to start this Rumble off!”

Jesse: “Wake me when Tony comes out.”

JR: “Just do your job Jesse.”

CWM slowly makes his way down to the ring, circling it as Jingus stares from the inside. The ring announcer leaves and an unfortunate OAOAST official is trapped inside, but CWM still doesn’t enter. After doing a complete circle, CWM finally, slowly, climbs into the ring. The official calls for the bell, the three minute countdown starts, and the fans roar in anticipation!

JR: “Here we go! The 2003 OAOAST Royal Rumble is underway!”

And just as quickly, CWM rolls back under the ropes as Jingus approaches, to the boos of the crowd.

Jesse: “Ha! What thinking by CWM! Pace yourself, don’t do anything stupid, let others do the work for you. That’s what you have to do to win a Royal Rumble.”

JR: “Sounds like your work up there in Minnesota.”

Jesse: “Shut up Rossie.”

CWM continues hanging out on the outside, moving away whenever Jingus comes within ten feet of him. The countdown is down to about two minutes, yet CWM still has no intentions of entering the ring.

Finally, Jingus exits the ring, as CWM backpedals away. Jingus chases after CWM, as the fans are excited to finally see some action. CWM and Jingus do their best impersonation of a track meet, doing a lap around the ring, before CWM finally rolls into the ring, with Jingus not far behind. CWM drops down and tries to get away, but Jingus reaches down with one of his mighty paws and grabs the terrified CWM by his shirt, much to the crowd’s approaval.

JR: “And business is about to pick up!”

Jingus pulls CWM back up to his feet, and brings the junkie face-to-face, with a massive grin on his face. CWM looks terrified, and has every right to be so. CWM looks for an eye gouge, but Jingus blocks with his left hand, and floors CWM with a mighty right!

CWM is rocked, as Jingus slowly brings CWM back up to his feet, and drops the former champ with another right hand. CWM scrambles and tries to get out of the ring, but Jingus steps on CWM’s ankle, preventing him from going anywhere!

Jesse: “Now, CWM is not sticking to his strategy.”

JR: “I think only a total idiot would have a strategy of getting his ass kicked.”

Jingus tries to pull CWM back into the ring, but CWM has a death grip on the bottom rope. As hard as Jingus pulls, CWM refuses to let go of the rope and come back to the ring. Jingus instead lets go of CWM’s legs and stomps on CWM’s back, as CWM screams in pain and rolls around on the mat.

With a minute left to go on the countdown to #3, Jingus is in complete control of CWM. Jingus drags CWM back up to his feet and starts BITING CWM’s nose! CWM screams as Jingus pulls a modified Mike Tyson on him! Jingus halts dinner time, shoots CWM off the ropes, and drills him with a clothesline from somewhere worse then Hell!

Jesse: “Bam!”

JR: “I see a clothesline like that from a man like that, and it brings a tear to my eye.”

CWM looks dead as Jingus covers, 1…2..CWM kicks out. Jingus drags CWM back to his feet, and drills him with a second clothesline! Jingus scrapes CWM off the mat and presses CWM over his head, as the countdown reaches 10!

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“God of Thunder” hits, as Thunder Kid is #3! CWM is able to slip out of Jingus’ grap and clips Jingus from behind, dropping the DevilMod down to his knees. TK seizes the opportunity by dropping Jingus in the face, sending Jingus down to the mat!

JR: “Why are the hosses fighting? They should team up and rule the world!”

Jesse: “Good God you’re a lost cause Ross.”

CWM and TK stomp away on Jingus, taking advantage of the fact that the DevilMod is down. CWM and TK bring Jingus up to his feet, shoot Jingus into the ropes, and drill him with a double clothesline. They pick Jingus up again, and CWM holds Jingus as TK runs the ropes and hits a massive spear on Jingus! TK covers, 1…2…CWM pulls TK off of Jingus!

CWM jumps and covers Jingus, 1…2…TK pulls CWM off of Jingus! The two of them begin to argue, but put aside their differences long enough to pull Jingus off the mat once again. They shoot Jingus into the ropes, but Jingus rebounds and clotheslines both men down to the mat! TK up and eats a right hand from Jingus! CWM up, and quickly bails the hell out of the ring!

JR: “Just when you think you’ve got a man down and beaten, he roars back to life!”

Jesse: “Unless you’re me, at which point once you’ve got the man beaten, he stays beaten!”

TK stumbles to a corner, where Jingus charges and crushes TK. TK stumbles out, but has his wits about him enough to duck a mighty Jingus clothesline. TK catches Jingus as the latter spins around and slams Jingus down to the mat. TK follows up with an elbow and a cover, 1…Jingus kicks out with authority.

CWM slides back into the ring as he sees that TK has control over Jingus. However, TK knocks the stuffing out of CWM with a back elbow, sending the Nirvana fiend crashing down to the mat. TK picks up CWM and sets him up for the Thunderbolt DDT, but Jingus breaks that up by clobbering TK from behind. CWM again bails out of the ring, while Jingus shoots TK into the ropes, misses a clothesline, and is taken over by a tilt-a-whirl headscissors from TK.

JR: “Not only does Thunder Kid have some size, that man can also move just as well as any cruiser, if not better!”

Jesse: “Your nose looks brown.”

JR: “That’s because of the Oklahoma sun Jesse.”

Jesse: “::Laughing noises::”

Halfway to the next entry in the Royal Rumble, no one has been eliminated. CWM is content to wait on the outside and pick his spots, while TK and Jingus battle in the inside. TK hauls Jingus to his feet and hits a snap suplex, floating over and covering, 1..2….Jingus kicks out. TK drops a leg and covers again, 1…2…Jingus kicks out.

CWM silently slides into the ring, and once TK has his back turned, CWM rushes behind him and drops TK with a bulldog. With TK down, CWM starts putting the boots to him. CWM also takes a few cheap shots at Jingus while the big man is vulnerable. CWM poses, drawing the ire of the crowd.

JR: “This crowd and CWM have no love lost.”

Jesse: “These people couldn’t see talent if it slapped them in the face.”

Despite his attacks, TK and Jingus keep rising off the ground. Desperate, CWM runs the ropes, but only for Jingus and TK to rise to their feet, catch CWM and press him over their heads, and drop CWM stomach-first to the mat! CWM bounces about three feet in the air before crashing again down to earth, clutching his torso.

TK lifts CWM to his feet, and hits a gutwrench powerbomb, holding the position, 1….2…CWM kicks out. Jingus hits a big righthand on TK to send the youngster down to the mat, then decides to go back to work on CWM. Jingus shoots CWM into the opposite corner, but misses the follow-up splash when CWM ducks out of the way. CWM schoolboys Jingus, 1…2…Jingus kicks out. TK clotheslines CWM as he stands up, as the countdown hits 10.

JR: “#4 is up now!”

Jesse: “Please not Tony, please not Tony, please not Tony.”

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Short Stories With Tragic Endings” hits as the man who drew #4 is the Spectacular Spider Poet! SP sprints down to the ring, slides in, and immediately goes after Jingus, pounding on Jingus with a flurry of fury, rights and lefts and well as some knees and kicks in there, all scoring on the DevilMod’s body.

JR: “This Spider means business Jesse.”

Jesse: “And if he isn’t careful, he’s gonna get squashed.”

With Jingus stunned, SP bounces off the ropes for momentum, but TK cuts that short, catching SP with a jumping spinning roundhouse kick. SP is stunned as TK covers, 1….2…SP kicks out. Jingus attacks TK from behind, but is clipped once again by CWM, as Jingus’ right knee is starting to give him some problems.

CWM goes to work over Jingus’ right leg, as TK has SP in the corner and is punishing him with multiple shoulder thrusts to the stomach. TK shoots SP across the ring to the opposite corner, SP leaps over the charging TK, SP dropkicks TK in the back to send TK torso-first into the corner, then follows up with a running forearm to the back of TK’s head, sending TK down to the mat.

SP springs up to the top rope as TK is slow to stand. SP comes off the top with a sunset flip attempt, but TK rolls through to end up on top, 1…2…SP kicks out. Both men up as SP ducks a TK clothesline, TK ducks an SP roundhouse, both men go for right hands that hit around each other’s forearms and pull back, SP throws a spinning roundhouse frontkick that TK ducks, TK shoots SP off the ropes, drops down as SP jumps over and continues running, goes to backdrop SP but SP lands on his feet, SP continues running and manages to hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors into a DDT on TK! Both men are on the mat, TK obviously worse for wear after that exchange.

JR: “What an exchange between SP and TK!”

Jesse: “Too bad neither one of them were smart enough to try and conserve energy. This is a long match, and they’re already gassed and ripe for the picking!”

Meanwhile, CWM continues stomping and wrenching away at Jingus’ right knee. CWM is constantly kicking, stomping, and jumping on the DevilMod’s leg, doing everything within his power to keep Jingus on the mat. Jingus is in a constant amount of agony, yet he is close enough to the ropes to prevent any submissions from taking place. But it is obvious that the constant onslaught from CWM is beginning to take its toll.

SP is up to his feet first, but TK is moving to avoid being pinned. SP lifts TK up and hits a hurricarana, holding onto TK’s leg, 1…2…TK kicks out. SP lifts TK up, only to slam him down, and heads up to the top rope, looking for the SpidahSault. SP leaps, TK rolls out of the way, and SP hits nothing but the mat. SP bounces up, but straight into a DVD from TK! TK covers, 1…2…SP kicks out!

JR: “SP’s got a lot of heart, but not much size.”

Jesse: “And therefore, you hate him, right Rossie?”

JR: “I don’t hate him, I just think he could use a little meat on his bones.”

Jesse: “How can you think of ribs during a match like this? Do you job and call this very important matchup!”

To the other battle, CWM misses an front elbow off the middle rope, allowing Jingus to slowly get to his feet. CWM tries to kick Jingus’ knee, but Jingus blocks it by grabbing CWM’s leg. Jingus pulls CWM into a bearhug, but is having problems maintaining a wide-enough base. CWM is able to fight his way free as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

The aWo porn music hits, as #5 is Angle-Plex! AP runs down to the ring, only to be clotheslined out of his boots by Jingus! The crowd erupts as Jingus pulls AP back up to his feet, only to drill him with a second clothesline, causing Agnes to pull off a complete backflip!

Jesse: “BAM!”

JR: “Good Lord what a shot!”

AP is on the ground, trying to get up. CWM attacks Jingus from behind, while TK hammers away on SP. TK, however, sees that AP is vulnerable, and goes over to pick him up. TK hooks AP up, THUNDERBOLT DDT! AP is dropped directly onto his head, and crumples to the mat. TK rolls AP over, but SP grabs TK from behind and tosses him out of the ring! SP climbs up to the top rope, SPIDAH SAULT! AP has just been creamed by two finishers!

Jesse: “Well, Angle-Plex is living up to everyone expectations.”

JR: “At this rate, Angle-Plex should be gone in a matter of seconds.

SP covers AP, 1…2..SP is pulled off AP and out of the ring by TK. AP manages to roll near the ropes, as TK shoves SP into the guardrail and starts firing away. CWM continues the assault on Jingus’ right leg, applying a leg bar to the limb.

TK suplexes SP hard on the outside. TK digs around under the ring for a moment, and pulls out a table. TK sets the table up at ringside and places SP on top of it. TK makes his way up top, but SP has too much time to recover, as SP climbs off the table, hops onto the apron, and shoves TK back into the ring.

JR: “TK took too much time there, and SP took advantage.”

Jesse: “Dammit, I wanted to see SP go through a table.”

JR: “Why?”

Jesse: “Nothing against SP personally, I just like it when people go through tables.”

CWM manages to roll Jingus out of the ring, and starts dragging the DevilMod around the ring, towards the table that TK set up earlier. CWM is having trouble dragging 300 pounds of evil around the ringside area, as it is taking more out of him then he thought it would. CWM finally has Jingus around to the table, but Jingus is starting to fight back.

AP is still out of it, TK and SP are fighting, CWM is trying to haul Jingus onto a table. TK misses a spinning heel kick and SP clotheslines TK over the top rope, to the outside. CWM, after punching Jingus in the face several times, finally gets the DevilMod onto the table. SP climbs to the top rope, and a HUGE cross-body block onto TK on the outside, drawing a big pop from the crowd!

CWM climbs onto the apron, looking to drive Jingus through the table. However, Angle-Plex starting attempting to stand, using CWM to pull himself to his feet. CWM, obviously disguisted by Agnes touching him, pulls away. AP finally stands as he argues with CWM. CWM grabs AP by the shirt as it appears that the two aWo members might come to blows!

JR: “AP and CWM might come to blows here!”

But wait! Jingus has rolled off the table! He hobbles over to where CWM and AP are arguing, grabs CWM’s legs, and yanks CWM off the apron, who guillotines AP on the top rope in the process! AP falls back into the ring as CWM lands hard on the outside. Jingus, despite his wounded wheel, lifts CWM and places him on the table. Back inside the ring, Jingus scoops up AP, and preps him for the CLAWSLAM! The crowd rises to it’s feet as AP tries to squirm free. It’s no good, as Jingus lifts AP as CWM rolls him off the table; Jingus delivers THE CLAWSLAM OVER THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! The table explodes on impact with shards of wood and metal going all around AP’s broken body!

Jesse: “YES! TABLE! And Angle-Plex was the one to go through it!”

JR: “Angle-Plex has been slaughtered since the moment he got out here, and I don’t know how in the hell he has lasted as long as he did!”

AP lies motionless in the wreckage of the table, as that spot draws a “Holy Shit!” chant from the crowd. CWM lies at ringside, the impact from falling off the apron taking it’s toll on him. Jingus is down in the ring, holding his leg. SP rolls TK into the ring after that massive cross-body block to the outside and covers, 1..2…TK kicks out.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“The Wall” hits, as Alfdogg, #6, makes his way down to the ring! Alf hits the ring and immediately goes after SP. Alf shoves SP into the corner and goes to work, with vicious elbows to the face of SP. SP tries to fight back, but TK comes in and adds to the onslaught.

SP manages to shoves both men away and come out of the corner, but TK hits a kick to the stomach, and hits the THUNDERBOLT DDT! Alf, quick as a 250 pound cat, springs up to the top rope, 5 STAR ALF SPLASH! Alf covers while TK stands guard, 1…2…3!

Eliminated: SpiderPoet

Via: Alfdogg, pinfall, 5 Star Alf Splash

Eliminated: No one

JR: “And Spider Poet is the first man eliminated in this Royal Rumble!”

Jesse: “We say that it is every man for themselves in this kind of matchup, but when two teammates are in at the same time, they commonly find a single victim and target him until he’s gone.”

TK and Alf immediately set their sights on the wounded Jingus, and go to work on him. TK drags Jingus up to his feet, while Alf kicks away at Jingus’ stomach and right leg. Alf and TK drag Jingus towards the corner, where Alf slides out of the ring and applies the Ringpost Figure Four to the screaming Jingus, while TK holds back Jingus’ arms!

On the outside, CWM is having problems standing. AP is finally moving out of the wreckage, and is once again using CWM to pull himself to his feet. CWM finally snaps and delivers the POLLY CUTTER to AP on the wreckage of the table! AP’s face bounces off the table as AP rolls underneath the ring apron.

JR: “CWM just creamed Angle-Plex! Who hasn’t destroyed Angle-Plex in this matchup?”

Jesse: “If I was Angle-Plex, I’d just get pinned now and go home.”

Alf releases the Ringpost Figure Four, as TK drags Jingus back to the middle of the ring and covers, 1…2…Jingus kicks out. Alf hops onto the apron and heads up top, goes for the FIVE STAR ALF SPLASH, but Jingus has enough left in the tank to roll out of the way! Alf crashes hard to the canvas, clutching his stomach. TK checks on Alf before going back to work on Jingus, hitting Jingus with a hard rushing knee that knocks Jingus out of the ring, between the ropes.

Meanwhile, CWM grabs a chair at ringside and slides into the ring. As Alf attempts to stand, the aWo member cracks the DA leader over the back with the chair! Alf stands up in pain as CWM drops the chair on the mat and prepares himself, Alf turns around as CWM goes for the POLLY CUTTER, but Alf blocks by breaking CWM’s grip, as CWM falls to the ground, his head bouncing off the chair! Alf hauls CWM up to his feet and sets CWM up for the BURNING HAMMER, but CWM slips out from behind Alf and delivers a Tiger Suplex instead! CWM is unable to hold onto the bridge, as both men are on ther mat.

TK chokes Jingus with his foot on the outside, driving the wind out of the big monster. TK continues to choke, as the officials on the outside can do nothing about it, as it is no DQ. Back in the ring, Alf is up first. He kicks the chair out of the way and hauls CWM to his feet. Alf whips CWM off the ropes, CWM ducks an Alf clothesline, but falls victim to an Alf belly-to-belly suplex. Alf crawls over and covers, 1…2…CWM kicks out.

On the outside, TK is dragging Jingus to his feet, only to whip Jingus into the guardrail. Jingus hits hard and falls to the ground, holding his right leg. TK decides to leave Jingus alone, and slides into the ring to assist Alf with CWM.

Jesse: “See! The DA has decided to make CWM their next target! He’s as good as gone!”

JR: “But the countdown is at 10 Jesse! It may be another aWo member coming to help CWM out!”

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Headstrong” hits, as Orion is #7 in the Rumble! A relative newcomer, Orion rushes down to the ring and decides to pick a fight with the first person he sees, that being TK! Orion slides into the ring, blocks a TK right hand, and fires back with inverted atomic drop. TK bends over as Orion preps for Youthanasia, but Alf breaks that up by drilling Orion with a superkick! Orion hits the mat hard as TK takes the chance to catch his breath.

JR: “Orion is new here, and he learned that almost no one in this federation goes at it alone here!”

Jesse: “I’m not impressed by this kid. When is Tony coming out?”

Alf picks Orion up by the hair, while Orion is still dazed. Alf whips Orion off the ropes as TK prepares himself, and Alf and TK drill Orion with a double flapjack! Orion bounces off the mat as TK lazily covers, 1…2…Orion kicks out! Alf looks mildly frustrated, but unsurprised. TK drags Orion up by the hair again and once more shoots him off the ropes, as the two set up for another double flapjack, but Orion leaps up and jumps off of their backs instead!

Alf and TK turn around stunned, but Orion kept running, and comes back with a double clothesline, dropping both members of the DA! Alf is up first, and is dropped by an Orion clothesline. TK is up, and he is clotheslined down by Orion! Alf up again, and Orion hits a DDT! TK stumbles back to his feet, and Orion scoops him up for a Samoan drop! Alf is up, and Orion throws a clothesline that misses, allowing Alf to hit a kick to the stomach, as TK comes over, and they hit a double-team DVD on Orion!

JR: “WOW! I’ve never seen that move done before in my life!”

Jesse: “I’ll give credit, that was impressive. But they don’t appear to be done with the kid yet.”

TK kicks at Orion some, to see if he is alive. Alf does to, but sees Jingus standing up on the outside. Alf bounces off the ropes, and hits a Space Flying Alf Drop onto Jingus on the outside, knocking the DevilMod down to the floor once more! Alf is also stunned by his high-risk maneuver.

JR: “That’s one of the benefits of the rules change. Alf can do that move and still be in the matchup. Normally, Alf would be eliminated by going over the top rope and having both feet hit the floor.”

Alf, after being shaken up by the move, tries to pick Jingus up and roll him into the ring. Meanwhile, CWM sees a perfect opportunity for a cheap shot, which he takes by hitting a low blow from behind on TK. TK hunches over in pain as CWM gets a schoolboy, 1…2…Orion breaks it up! CWM immediately stands up, pissed off that a rookie just broke up his count. CWM gets into Orion’s face, spitting multiple profanities at him, but the rookie refuses to back down. Finally, CWM rears back for a right hand, but Orion blocks and fires back with one of his own! Orion gets several more right hands in before trying to shoot CWM into the ropes. CWM reverses and kicks Orion in the stomach, before hitting a Conspiracy Bomb. CWM holds on, 1…2…Orion kicks out.

Alf slides into the ring and covers Jingus, 1..2…Jingus kicks out. Alf starts to choke Jingus with his boot. TK is up, and he hits CWM from behind, before lifting Orion up to his feet. TK drills Orion with a gutwrench powerbomb and covers, 1…2…Orion kicks out again! TK and CWM look upset at their inability to put the rookie away, and decide just to cripple him. CWM slides out of the ring and grabs a second chair, as TK opens up the first one. CWM throws the second chair in as TK sets it up as well. TK hooks Orion up for a powerbomb while CWM stands on the other side of the open chairs, looking to assist TK. TK lifts Orion up as CWM has a grip on Orion’s chest, but Orion knocks CWM away with a forearm shot and takes TK over with a hurricarana, ONTO THE OPEN CHAIRS! TK bounces neck-first off the chairs and slumps over, both chairs by his head. Orion is down, as is CWM, as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“War Ensemble” hits as #8, Brock Ausstin with Rick Heyross, slowly stomps his way down to the ring.

JR: “Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod.”

Jesse: “Ross, what the hell is wrong with you? Speak correctly man!”

JR: “Jesse! It’s, it’s, beautiful!”

Jesse: “Somebody get me a drink.”

Ausstin enters the ring, and surveys the bodies. CWM is up first, takes one look at Ausstin, and bails out of the ring. Alf turns around, but right into Clothesline of Mass Destruction! Alf lands hard, stunned at the power of Brock Ausstin. Orion is up, and he is also on the receiving end of a Clothesline of Mass Destruction! Ausstin picks TK up, and clotheslines the shit out of him as well! Ausstin screams in pleasure, while Heyross shouts orders from ringside.

JR: “I think I’m in love.”

Jesse: “I think this drink needs to get here quicker.”

Ausstin picks Alf up, and hits a Hossley Goodness, as even Alf at 250 lbs. is thrown around like a ragdoll. TK tries to stand, but a big knee from Ausstin takes TK out of the ring, literally knocking him three feet off the ground and through the middle ropes. Ausstin, taking his sweet time, picks Orion off the ground, and hits another Clothesline of Mass Destruction.

As tough as Orion is, he stands no chance against the power of Brock Ausstin. Ausstin, enjoying what he is doing, picks Orion up again, and presses Orion over his head, doing reps with Orion’s body. After 10 reps, Ausstin throws Orion’s body back down to the mat. Heyross continues to scream orders for Ausstin, while Ausstin walks around the ring and screams.

JR: “Do you see his strength, Jesse! Do you see just how big and strong and powerful this man is? He’s not even a man! He’s better then a hoss! He’s like, a, a superhoss! He’s the new breed of hoss! He’ll rule the world, bah gawd!”

Jesse: “Tony can take him. I bet Tony will be out next.”

Ausstin picks Orion up, easily places Orion on his shoulders, and blasts Orion with an F-STUNNER-5! Ausstin easily spins Orion’s body around before driving it into the mat with an unparallel force. Orion isn’t moving, but Ausstin appears to be in no hurry to finish him off.

Ausstin picks Orion’s body up again, and hits another F-STUNNER-5! Orion’s body smashes down to the ring as Orion just curls up into the fetal position. Heyross screams for Ausstin to continue punishing Orion, which Ausstin does by drilling Orion with I’M GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL!!! Ausstin finally covers Orion by putting one foot on his chest, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Orion

Via: Brock Ausstin, pinfall, I’m Going to Eat Your Soul

Eliminated: No one

The three minute countdown starts again, as there are only five people left in the ring. Ausstin is looking for someone else to play with, as Orion is helped out of the ring by OAOAST officials. CWM sneaks into the ring, grabs a chair, as blasts Ausstin from behind with it. Pain doesn’t even register on Ausstin’s face, just a look of annoyance. Ausstin turns around, looking to murder the person who dared mess with him. CWM, still holding the chair, looks scared out of his mind. CWM swings the chair at Ausstin’s head, but Ausstin doesn’t even bother to feel the impact. Ausstin roars and swings at CWM, punching the chair into CWM’s face and sending him flying out of the ring.

JR: “No one can stop Brock Ausstin Jess. No one! He’s a god among men! We should just put our world belt on him now and save ourselves all the trouble.”

Jesse: “In your dream world Ross.”

Ausstin continues to roar and search for more victims. Both Alf and TK are having trouble trying to stand. Ausstin glares at both of them while the DA members attempt to recover from their previous beatings by Ausstin. Alf and TK steady themselves by the ropes, however Ausstin comes charging over and clotheslines both men, sending the three of them tumbling to the outside.

On the other side of the ring, CWM is busted open from having the chair punched into his face. CWM looks out of it as a pool of blood form by the top of his head. Ausstin presses TK over his head before dropping TK chest-first into the guardrail. TK hits the guardrail and then the ground hard, clutching at his sternum. Ausstin turns to attack Alf, but Alf scores with a kick to the groin, one of the few ways to injure a hoss.

JR: “NO! Alf founds Ausstin’s weakness! Alf can’t possibly defeat Brock Ausstin! Ausstin is unstoppable! He is the ultimate wrestling to which all others in the future shall be compa…

Jesse: “Ross, take Ausstin’s injured penis out of your mouth and call the freaking match.”

Alf quickly scrambles into the ring to grab the last chair left inside, and brings it back out with him. With Ausstin bent over the announce table, Alf belts Ausstin over the back with the chair. Ausstin groans, but doesn’t appear to suffer any damage. Alf blasts Ausstin three more times, but Ausstin stands up and stares at Alf. Ausstin goes to punch the chair, but Alf ducks and Ausstin smashes the chair, sending it flying into the guardrail 10 feet away in a crumpled heap of metal.

Alf slides into the ring and goes for the Space Flying Alf Drop, but Ausstin easily catches Alf over his shoulder. Ausstin runs Alf back-first into the ring post, before powerslamming Alf to the floor on the outside.

JR: “Good Lord? Did you see the ease at which Brock Ausstin caught Alf? For the love of God, we should dethrone Jesus Christ and…”

Jesse: “Ross, I know where you are going with this, no, and stop.”

TK is back up, one hand on his chest. TK throws some right hands at Ausstin, which appear to have no effect. Ausstin roars again and throws a right of his own, but TK ducks as Ausstin hits nothing but nothing. TK switches behind Ausstin and throws kicks at Ausstin’s massive left thigh. Ausstin turns around and throws another punch that TK avoids. TK is dancing on the balls of his feet now, sticking and moving, not staying in one spot for long. He’s not doing any noticeable damage to Ausstin, but he isn’t being creamed either.

Finally, Jim Heyross comes over and distracts TK. TK’s focus is snapped long enough for Ausstin to grab TK by the throat and toss him over the top rope, BACK into the ring. The crowd is awed by the power displayed by Brock Ausstin. Ausstin slides back into the ring, but Heyross stops Ausstin long enough for Heyross to pull a table out from under the ring and slide it in to Ausstin. Ausstin grabs both ends of the table, holds it over his head, and breaks the table OVER TK’s body! TK crumples to the mat, not moving, as Ausstin throws both broken pieces of the table out of the ring.

Jesse: “Ho-ly …”

JR: “I told you Jess. I told the world. Everyone now, denounce your gods and pay penance to the only person who can truly hold your fate in his hands, Brock Ausstin!”

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“How I Could Just Kill A Man” hits as Y2Jailbait comes rushing down to the ring as #9, carrying a lead pipe with him! Jailbait climbs onto the apron, then the top rope, with the lead pipe in hand. Ausstin is too busy growling and drooling to notice, until the frantically screaming Heyross tells Ausstin to turn around. Ausstin obliges, and Jailbait comes off the top rope with the pipe, bending it over Ausstin’s head!

JR: “Good God! Ausstin just took that lead pipe to the head! I hope he isn’t hurt!”

Ausstin finally appears to be stunned. Suddenly, a hand appears on Ausstin’s shoulder and spins him around. It’s JINGUS! Jingus is finally back up! Jingus grabs Ausstin’s head with his might claw, and delivers a hellacious CLAWSLAM! Jingus wasn’t able to get Ausstin very high into the air, with Ausstin’s size and Jingus’ bad leg, but Jingus was able to Clawslam the big hoss!

Jesse: “Looks like Jingus has re-established himself as the dominant hoss here in the OAOAST Rossie. Sucks for you.”

Jailbait covers Ausstin, 1….2….3!

Eliminated: Brock Ausstin

Via: Jailbait, pinfall, Jingus’ Clawslam.

Eliminated: Orion

JR: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Jesse: “Well, Brock Ausstin certainly lived up to all of his hype, didn’t he?”

JR: “He was perfection! He was the thing that couldn’t be beaten! Brock Ausstin was supposed to be my savior! ::crying noises::”

Jesse: “You sad, pathetic, excuse for a man.”

The three minute countdown starts once again, as only Jailbait, Jingus, Alf, TK, and CWM are left in the ring. Jailbait immediately takes advantage of the situation and covers Jingus, 1…2…Jingus still has enough left in the tank to kick out. Jailbait looks frustrated for a moment, but sees that TK is down and covers him, 1…2…Alf makes the save. Alf slowly picks Jailbait up, but Jailbait is too fresh and breaks free from Alf’s grip, firing away with chops and slaps to Alf’s bruised and beaten chest.

Jailbait fires Alf into the ropes and catches Alf with a spinebuster. Jailbait signals that this match is over, and climbs to the top. Jailbait comes off with a Phoenix Splash, but hits Alf’s knees. CWM finally makes his way back into the ring, his head covered in blood. CWM covers TK, 1…2….Jingus makes the save. Jingus tries to pick CWM up for a DevilBomb, but can’t muster the strength out of his injured leg to do so. CWM kicks Jingus in the gut and goes for a Polly Cutter, but Jingus shoves CWM off, into a AA Spinebuster from Alf!

Alf dropkicks Jingus’ bad leg, sending the DevilMod down to the ground. Alf signals that it’s over, and goes up top, looking for the Five Star Alf Splash on CWM. However, Jailbait crotches Alf up top and climbs up. Jailbait sets Alf up for a superplex, but Alf holds onto the top rope. Alf pounds Jailbait down, and sets Jailbait up for a superbomb from the top. Jailbait manages to break Alf’s semi-weak grip on his stomach, and takes Alf off the top with a single-man Spanish Fly! Jailbait is hurt on his attempt too, but covers Alf, 1…2..TK makes the save. But, out of nowhere, TK covers Alf himself, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Alfdogg

Via: Thunder Kid, pinfall, Jailbait Spanish Fly

Eliminated: SpiderPoet.

Four men in the ring, and a little more then a minute on the countdown. CWM looks like he might collapse at any time. TK doesn’t look much better, and Jingus is having problems just trying to stand, much less fight. Only Jailbait looks fresh, as Jailbait appears to be having a field day in the ring. Jailbait stomps on CWM, before noticing that TK is starting to stir, and going to work on him. Jailbait pulls TK to his feet, only to take TK over with a hurricarana. Jailbait doesn’t hook any of the legs though, 1…2….TK kicks out. Jailbait pulls TK up for a second hurricarana, but TK simply sits out and powerbombs Jailbait to the match.

JR: “Jailbait is the fresh man in there, but he is going up against three grizzled OAOAST veterans. Does he have what it takes in order to finish any of them off?”

Jesse: “If Jailbait can’t finish all three of these guys off by himself, he should just leave the OAOAST now.”

TK is too hurt to hold onto the cover on Jailbait, and falls back down to the mat. Jingus is back up and trying to pull CWM to his feet, but CWM hits a low blow on Jingus. CWM goes for the Polly Cutter! Jingus counters by going for a belly-to-back suplex, but his leg gives out halfway through the move as he drops CWM to the ground without a lot of force. Jailbait is back up, and lifts TK back up to his feet, hitting a few slaps along the way. Feeling that TK is worn down enough, Jailbait goes for No Mas, but TK shoves Jailbait into the corner, before hitting a mini-spear, crushing Jailbait.

JR: “Look at TK. He’s completely exhausted, yet he just won’t give up. What fight this kid has.”

Jesse: “I’ll give credit where credit is due. TK just won’t give up.”

TK throws some right hands on Jailbait in the corner, but Jailbait quickly switches positions and chops away on TK. Jailbait sits TK on the top rope, climbs up, and takes him down with a Top Rope Hurricarana. Jailbait holds onto the middle rope, and flips his way back onto the top rope as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Dawn of the Angry” hits as Green Mist is #10. Back in the ring, Jailbait goes for Crossfire, the shooting star legdrop, but TK has enough ring presence to move. Jailbait lands hard on his tailbone, as GM slides into the ring and dropkicks Jailbait in the face!

JR: “Jailbait is going for lots of high risk maneuvers, but he isn’t hitting them, and even when he does hit them, it takes a lot out of him!”

Jesse: “See, that’s why high-risk maneuvers are foolish! I never did any, and I was just fine.”

JR: “You never left your feet, period.”

Jesse: “It worked, right?”

Jailbait rolls to the outside, holding his face. GM climbs to the top, looking to dive onto Jailbait on the outside, but TK crotches GM on the top rope. TK climbs up to the top rope, setting GM up for a top rope belly-to-back suplex. However, GM is too fresh and is holding onto the top for dear life. Jailbait hops onto the apron and nails GM across the face and chest with several hard chops. As TK and GM stand on the second rope, Jailbait springs up to the top and flips over both men, TAKING TK OVER WITH A SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB AS TK GERMAN SUPLEXES GM OFF THE SECOND ROPE!

JR: “OH MY GOD!”

Jesse: “Wow! I am in awe of what those three men just did. I think GM might have broken his neck there!”

The crowd starts a “Holy Shit” chant at that last move, as Jailbait, TK, and GM are all down in the ring. Both CWM and Jingus, having been in the Rumble the entire time, are absolutely exhausted. All five men are down, and only Jailbait is showing any sign of life. Jailbait, with help from the ropes, makes his way up to his feet. Jailbait sees that all four people are down, and he has no clue who to attack first!

Jailbait, still confused, decides to go to the top rope, for whatever reason. Once there, Jailbait surveys his options, before appearing to settle on the target farthest away, ¾ of the ring, that being Jingus. Jailbait flies across the ring, looking for a splash, but connects with his face only, hitting a modified diving headbutt! Both Jingus and especially Jailbait are feeling the effects of that one.

Jesse: “That’s what we said about Jailbait earlier. He throws a lot of high risk maneuvers that don’t necessarily work! Right there, he could have easily just covered a person, but instead he decided to up the degree of difficulty, and he nearly breaks his own freaking neck!”

JR: “That’s about the first intelligent thing I’ve ever heard out of you Jess.”

Jesse: “Which makes that two more intelligent things then you have ever said, Rossie.”

CWM and GM are trying to make their way back up to their feet. TK looks completely out of it. CWM eyes are completely glazed over, having lost a lot of blood. GM, despite having come in with the last entry, was just dumped directly on top of his head and is moving slowly.

Jailbait, holding onto his jaw, is on his feet and stumbling around, but only for GM to throw a buzzsaw kick to Jailbait’s face, sending Jailbait flying, between the ropes, out of the ring. CWM semi-rushes at GM, but GM sees it coming, and takes CWM down with a drop-toe hold. CWM immediately begins scrambling towards the ropes, looking to prevent any kind of submission hold from being applied. However, GM drags CWM back to the middle of the ring and applies an Indian Deathlock. CWM is screaming in pain, when Jingus finally makes his way over to GM and grabs GM’s head, setting up for the Clawslam! GM wisely kicks away at Jingus’ bad right leg, forcing the DevilMod to break his grip.

CWM stands up, but TK explodes out of the corner and hits a spear! TK stays on top of CWM as they land, 1…2…3!

Eliminated: CobainWasMurdered

By: ThunderKid, pinfall, spear.

Eliminated: No one.

JR: “CWM put up a valiant fight, but flat out ran out of gas.”

Jesse: “Being busted open by Brock Ausstin didn’t help matters any either. When you bleed, you get that momentary burst of adrenaline, but over time, bleeding just saps your energy that much more.”

JR: “So, in effect, Brock Ausstin eliminated a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! I told you…”

Jesse: “Ross, call the damn match.”

OAOAST officials assist CWM out of the ring, as there are only four people in the ring, with a minute on the countdown to #11. GM is kicking away at Jingus, who is slumped in the corner. Jailbait slides into the ring, thinks about going after TK, remembers what happened to him earlier, and decides to go to work on Jingus with GM.

JR: “It looks like Jailbait and GM, the two fresh men in this matchup, have decides to form a partnership.”

Jesse: “That’s what matches like this do to you. You are forced to find allies, people who can help you out, knowing that as much as they can help you, you’ve got to turn on them before they turn on you.”

Jailbait and GM stomps away at Jingus in the corner. Jailbait pushes GM out of the way and chokes Jingus with his boot. GM responds to that insult with a stiff kick to Jailbait’s back. Jailbait turns, holding his back with a look of fury in his eyes. Jailbait with a stiff chop to GM, who returns favor. Jailbait feels insulted, and throws another chop! GM recoils in pain, but pivots and tosses another chop himself! The Mexican and the Jap continue to exchange strikes, as the crowd cheers on, until 10 hits on the countdown!

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Simply Ravishing” hits, as Tony The Body sprints down to the ring as #11!

Jesse: “TONY’S IN! TONY’S IN ROSS! He may be in earlier then I want him to be, but Tony is more then man enough to go half an hour and pin all of these guys! Those other four guys, I don’t want to be them right now Ross!”

JR: “Brownnoser.”

Jesse: “Unoriginal.”

Tony enters the ring, and is a house of fire! Right hand floors Jailbait. Right hand floors GM. TK is up, and a Tony right hand floors him. Tony rushes over to Jingus, who is trying to pull himself to his feet, and kicks him back down to the mat. Jailbait and GM back up, right hands put them both back down. Tony stands tall in the middle of the ring and motions for anyone to attack him as a “Tony” chant starts up.

Jesse: “That’s my boy! That’s my boy! You go Tony! You show them how it’s done!”

TK gets up out of the corner and goes for the spear, but Tony counters that with a kick to the chest. Tony with a big bodyslam on TK. Tony drags TK back to his feet by his hair, and pokes TK in the eye with his thumb. TK leans up against the ropes, holding his face, when Tony devastated TK with a sick backrake!

Jailbait rushes Tony, but Tony clotheslines Jailbait down. GM is up, but Tony rushes over and kicks GM in the stomach, before taking GM over with a vertical suplex. TK rushes Tony, but Tony catches TK and hits an OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! TK is flat on the mat as Tony covers, 1…2..Jailbait breaks it up.

Jesse: “What the hell was that? Why is Jaitbail breaking a pinfall up in a match like this? Doesn’t he know anything about wrestling at all? I’m starting to dislike him more and more every minute I see him.”

Jailbait picks Tony up as TK rolls towards the ropes. Jailbait chops away at Tony, who reverses and hits some knife-edge chops of his own. Tony shoots Jailbait into the ropes and preps for another Out of Body Experience, but Jailbait sees it coming and goes for a sunset flip. Tony is still standing and trying to fight falling, but GM comes off the ropes with a crossbody block! Both GM and Jailbait cover Tony, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Tony The Body

Via: Green Mist and Jailbait, pinfall, combo sunset flip and crossbody.

Eliminated: No one.

Jesse: “WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED! Tony was not just eliminated by some Jap and that idiot wannabe Mexican gangsta! They did not just eliminate the man who is going to win this Rumble! What the hell?”

JR: “At least Brock Ausstin eliminated someone.”

Jesse: “Screw you and Brock Ausstin. I’m more concerned with Tony. This is bullshit.”

Tony looks in shock, at the fact that he was pinned, the fact that he was pinned by a rookie and a low-carder, and the fact that he only lasted a minute and a half with this kind of concept for the Royal Rumble! Officials order Tony out of the ring and he obliges, appearing to be in some kind of shellshock.

Jesse: “This is an outrage! I have never seen such injustice done to such a fine man! I am personally going to file a complaint on behalf of Tony. I am going to see to it that those two imbeciles in the ring, and that one with the striped shirt, never step foot in an OAOAST ring again!”

Back in the ring, Jailbait and GM are arguing over who should take credit for the elimination of Tony. The two begin to slug it out some more, before Jingus comes lumbering out of the corner and clotheslines both men down. Jingus also falls to the ground, holding his knee. Jailbait and GM are up first, and both dropkick Jingus’ bad knee as Jingus attempts to stand.

Jailbait cheap shots GM from behind, and shoots him across the ring into the corner. Jailbait charges, but makes the mistake of charging with his head down, and GM hops over Jailbait, hooking Jailbait’s arms with his legs and turning Jailbait over for the Tarantula! Jailbait screams in pain as GM has the hold locked on. GM keeps the Tarantula locked on for an extended amount of time, not only to keep Jailbait in pain, but also to conserve energy.

After about thirty seconds of pure torture, GM finally releases Jailbait from the Tarantula. Jailbait collapses to the ground, as GM rolls Jailbait over to the back and climbs up to the top rope. GM comes off the top rope with a double-stomp, nailing Jailbait in the gut! Jailbait rolls over, clutching his stomach, as GM rolls Jailbait back onto his back and covers, 1…2…Jailbait kicks out! GM with a standing moonsault, 1…2…Jailbait kicks out a second time!

GM gives up on pinning Jailbait, and kicks Jingus in the head instead as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Phantom Lord” hits as #12, Elv!s a.k.a Mario Logan, shakes, rattles, and rolls his way down to the ring. Actually, Mario is taking his sweet time, slowly moving down the ramp, pausing every few feet to strike a pose.

Back in the ring, GM is looking around for a person to fight. Jingus is trying to stand, but a nasty GM kick to the side of the head ends that. TK is still out of it from the Out of Body Experience, but is close to the ropes. Jailbait just won’t die. Instead, GM decides to exit the ring and attack Mario!

Mario has his back turned to the ring, posing for the fans on the entrance ramp, when GM sneaks up behind Mario. GM lets Mario post for a while, before grabbing Mario by his hair and dragging Mario down to the ring. GM bashes Mario’s head into the ring apron, knocking Mario’s Elvis wig off, before tossing Mario into the ring. Once there, Mario fights back with a few rights and lefts, but GM takes Mario down to one knee with a stiff kick to Mario’s left quad. Suddenly, GM is tossed out of the way, and Jingus gets into Mario’s face!

JR: “Jingus was once part of Mario’s Dungeon of Doom, many moons ago. However, once the DOD was broken up, Jingus felt that he was betrayed by Mario, and never got his chance to take revenge.”

Jesse: “Well Rossie, it looks like Jingus is going to take revenge now on Mario, doesn’t it?”

Mario, scared for his life, tries throwing a couple of chops at Jingus’ chest that have no effect. Jingus continues to stare down Mario as Mario begins to panic. Mario goes for a eyerake, but Jingus catches Mario’s hand and starts to squeeze. Mario screams in pain and drops down to his knees. Jingus’ revenge is interrupted by GM, who is taking exception to being thrown around by Jingus. GM kicks Jingus hard on the back of his bad leg, but Jingus is too enraged to feel pain. Jingus lets go of Mario’s hand, grabs GM, and throws GM over the top rope, out of the ring!

Mario throws a low blow, but only manages to hurt his hand worse! Jingus turns around and hits himself in the groin several times, showing Mario what the world already knew; that Jingus finally invested in the cup! Mario turns and throws himself over the top rope, believing that by doing so, he’ll be eliminated from the Rumble. The officials rule no elimination, and order Mario back into the ring.

JR: “Mario is just delaying the inevitable here Jess.”

Jesse: “This is going to be so brutal and violent. I’m going to love it!”

Instead of entering the ring and dying, Mario instead turns to leave. Jingus prepares to leave the ring to go after Mario, but Jailbait attacks Jingus. Jingus backhands Jailbait halfway across the ring in an awesome display of power, then exits the ring. Despite the fact that his leg is obviously bothering him, Jingus chases Mario up the ramp. Both men arrive on top of the ramp, where Mario’s new Dungeon of Doom, or at least some of the members, attack Jingus! Metallica, Suge Knight, Jason Vorhees, and Fat Bastard all come lumbering out of the entrance way and put a major hurting on Jingus. Mario stands and laughs, before going back down the ramp, looking to finally enter the Rumble.

JR: “Dammit Mario, why did you have to have your goons interfere in this matchup?”

Mario slides into the ring, where he attacks Jailbait. Mario chops away at Jailbait’s bruised and beaten chest, doing damage with every strike. Mario whips Jailbait into the corner, following up with a running forearm strike. Jailbait falls down as GM slides back into the ring. Mario stomps on GM, before picking GM up and throwing him back out of the ring.

Up on the ramp, Mario’s followers continue to beat on Jingus. Suddenly, Masked Mystery Eskimo comes out of the entrance with a flaming shovel! Fat Bastard is hit over the head, and falls off the stage! Lars Ulrich is hit with the shovel! Suge Knight is hit by the shovel! Metallica runs away, as Fat Bastard is unconscious. MME hits Suge Knight a second time before chasing him to the back. Jason Vorhees prepares to go after MME, but Jingus is back up! Jingus grabs Jason, and Clawslams him off the stage, onto Fat Bastard!

Jesse: “What the hell? MME isn’t supposed to be in this thing yet?”

JR: “Neither was Mario’s Dungeon, but they came out, and MME got rid of them! Thank God!”

Jingus starts down the ramp, slowly moving, as Mario stomps away on TK inside. Someone has hell to pay as the countdown his 10.

JR: “Unlucky #13 Jess, I wonder who gets it?”

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“White America” hits as Sandman9000 walks onto the stage. Sandman slowly walks down the ramp, taking his time before getting into the ring.

In the ring, Jingus finally makes it in, much to Mario’s surprise! Jingus clotheslines Mario over the top rope, and follows him out of the ring. GM slides back in, as Jailbait, GM, and TK are in the ring. 30 seconds after his entrance, Sandman finally makes it into the ring. Sandman stares down the competition, as Jailbait appears to be the first to respond.

JR: “You’ve got two guys here who live to fight and will never submit.”

Jesse: “But Jailbait’s tired and an idiot. Sandman is fresh, but he’s an even bigger idiot. I hope both of them die on the spot.”

Jailbait gets into Sandman’s face, as Sandman wastes no time in throwing right hands at Jailbait. GM and TK hang out in the corner, biding their time. On the outside, Mario continues to run from Jingus. Sandman shoots Jailbait off the ropes and catches him with a clothesline as he returns. Mario slides into the ring, but GM shoots out of the corner and catches Mario with a spinning heel kick. Mario is down, as Sandman climbs to the top rope and comes off with the corkscrew moonsault on Mario, as Jingus climbs into the ring. Mario is down on his stomach, but from there, Jingus channels all of his aggression and rage, picking Mario off the ground and dropping him with the DEVILBOMB! Jingus covers, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: MarioLogan

Via: Jingus, pinfall, Devilbomb

Eliminated: No one

Down to five people, the three minute countdown hits again. Sandman goes back to picking on Jailbait, as GM chokes the exhausted Jingus. TK comes out of the corner, but looks to be out on his feet. Sandman leaves Jailbait long enough to drill TK with a Yakuza Kick and covers, 1…2…TK kicks out!

JR: “Good Lord! TK is practically dead, yet is able to kick out of the Yakuza Kick! What fight this young hoss has in him!”

Sandman can’t believe that TK kicked out. Sandman lifts TK up to his feet and runs the ropes for a second Yakuza Kick, but Jailbait pulls the ropes down and Sandman tumbles out of the ring. GM comes over to TK, kicks him in the stomach, and drops him with a BRAINBUSTER! Jailbait knocks GM away from TK, springs up to the top, plays to the cheering crowd, and finally connects with Crossfire! Jailbait covers, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: ThunderKid

Via: Jailbait, pinfall, Crossfire

Eliminated: CobainWasMurdered, Alfdogg

JR: “TK came in early, lasted a while, but just ran out of gas.”

Jesse: “But Jingus has been in this matchup for the longest time! How much longer can he go on for?”

Down to four, Sandman slides back into the ring and dropkicks Jailbait in the face. GM stomps away on Jingus, trying to keep the DevilMod from getting back up. GM covers Jingus, 1…2…Jingus kicks out. GM applies a legbar to Jingus, doing even more damage to that already destroyed leg.

Sandman punches away on Jailbait, trying to knock the young Latino out. Sandman slides out of the ring, digs around under it, and pulls out a table! Sandman sets the table up at ringside, before pulling Jailbait out of the ring and placing Jailbait onto the table!

Jesse: “Another table! Is today my birthday or something?”

JR: “It actually happens to be mine, Jess.”

Jesse: “Shut up Ross. You always say that crap.”

JR: “No Jess, it really is.”

An awkward silence between the two occurs.

Jesse: “Shut up Ross.”

With Jailbait on the table, Sandman slides into the ring. Seeing how both GM and Jingus are preoccupied, Sandman springboards onto the ropes, and comes off with a 450 SPLASH TO THE OUTSIDE, PUTTING JAILBAIT THROUGH THE TABLE! Both men are down and hurting on the outside of the ring, as the crowd starts another “Holy Shit” chant.

JR: “And Jailbait isn’t the only person around here who specializes in high-risk offense! Sandman with that insane dive to put Jailbait through a table!”

Jesse: “But that hurt Sandman just as much as it hurt Jailbait! Why do these fools do those things?”

Sandman slides back into the ring, as the countdown hits 10!

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Lose Yourself” hits as Reject, #14, sprints down to the ring. However, Sandman is running the ropes, and hits Reject in full stride with a no-hands somersault plancha! Reject’s momentum is immediately cut off, as Sandman scrapes Reject off the mats outside and throws him in. Sandman covers, 1…2…Reject kicks out.

GM finally lets go of the leg bar and resumes stomping away on Jingus. GM throws a buzzsaw kick, but Jingus catches the leg and tosses GM over his head, over the top rope! GM lands on the apron, however, and kicks Jingus in the back of his head! Jingus falls forwards, on his back in the center of the ring. GM climbs up to the top rope and comes off with the double stomp to Jingus’ stomach! GM covers, 1…2…Jingus kicks out!

GM can’t believe it, and gets into the officials face. Sandman chokes Reject on the other side of the ring, as Jailbait is stirring in the table wreckage. GM goes back up to the top rope and looks for another double stomp, this time to Jingus’ bad leg! However, Jingus moves his leg out of the way, and GM hits nothing but the mat. GM falls to the mat, holding his left foot. Sandman picks Reject up, hooks him up, and drops Reject on his head with the Edgecrusher! Sandman covers, 1…2…Reject kicks out.

Sandman lifts Reject back up to his feet, hauls Reject on top of his shoulders, and sets Reject up for the Psycho Drivah, but Jailbait slides back into the ring and attacks Sandman from behind. Sandman drops Reject as Jailbait kicks away at Sandman’s back and ribs.

JR: “You may hate this Jailbait Jess, but he has plenty of fight in him.”

Jesse: “And I’m hoping for someone to knock the fight out of him!”

Reject slides out of the ring as Jailbait hits Sandman with a neckbreaker. Reject slides a chair into the ring, which Jailbait picks up and blasts Sandman across the back with. Reject also begins to dig around under the ring, and pulls out a ladder! Reject also slides the ladder into the ring before sliding in as well.

JR: “I do believe that…”

Jesse: “We all know what you are about to say, Ross. And no, it hasn’t.”

JR: “It hasn’t?”

Jesse: “Wait.”

Reject picks up the ladder and nails Jailbait in the stomach as Jailbait attempted to hit Reject with the chair. Jailbait doubles over and falls to his knees as Reject places the ladder against the corner, but is kicked from behind by GM, who is walking gingerly on his left foot. GM shoves Reject chest-first into the ladder, then whacks Reject from behind with the chair. Reject falls to the ground as GM poses with the chair.

Sandman is trying to get back up, but GM hits him over the back with the chair. Jailbait tries to stand, but another chair shot to a person’s back from GM. GM hits Jingus’ bad leg with the chair as well, causing the DevilMod to scream out in pain. Jailbait takes a second chair shot as he tries to stand as well. Despite his hobbling, GM is moving around the ring well and dolling out nasty chair shots.

JR: “GM’s foot might be broken.”

Jesse: “But he’s more then making up for it with those chair shots.”

Reject is back up, and ducks a chair shot from GM. Reject stomps on GM’s left foot, causing GM to drop the chair and hop on his good foot in pain. Reject then throws a spinning heel kick, dropping GM. Sandman dropkicks Reject into the ladder, then avalanches Reject against the ladder in the corner, crushing Reject. Reject stumbles out of the corner, but Sandman grabs the chair and nails Reject over the head with it. Sandman stands tall as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

#15 is, no one? No music is playing, as the crowd and Sandman look on. After a moment, Sandman turns and hits Reject over the back with the chair, when “Money Is My Bitch” blasts over the PA system, and EVENFLOW comes sprinting down the ramp!

JR: “Oh God! Sandman and Evenflow back in the same ring!”

Jesse: “And it looks like Evenflow has got a couple scores to settle!”

Sandman looks shocked, but then tries to run the ropes and hit Evenflow with the same no-hands somersault plancha that he hit Reject with, but GM grabs Sandman’s leg, cutting off Sandman momentum. Evenflow hits the ring and immediately takes Sandman out with a spear, sending both men through the ropes, to the outside!

Evenflow lands hard on his tailbone, but goes right after Sandman, throwing right hands. Sandman tries to scramble away so he can stand, but Evenflow stays right on him, as the two men exchange punches while the sell-out crowd goes crazy.

Back in the ring, GM stands and tries to throw a high kick with his bad leg to the face of Jailbait, but Jailbait catches the leg and trips GM. Jailbait drops to the ground, grapevines the bad leg, and applies a hold to GM’s bad foot. GM screams out in pain and immediately taps out.

Eliminated: Green Mist

Via: Submission, Jailbait, footlock

Eliminated: Tony

The three minute countdown starts again, as Jailbait attacks Reject in the ring, while Jingus is down nursing his bad leg, and Sandman and Evenflow brawl on the outside. Jailbait stomps away on the down Reject, while Evenflow bashes Sandman into the guardrail. Sandman is leaning up against the guardrail, so Evenflow nails Sandman with a clothesline, taking Sandman over the guardrail, and into the crowd! Evenflow hops over the guardrail and follows Sandman.

JR: “Crowd fighting during a Royal Rumble? Don’t these guys know the rules?”

Jesse: “Right now, I’m not sure either one of those two knows that there is a match going on!”

Evenflow and Sandman scatter chairs and audience members. Evenflow knows Sandman down with a stiff right hand, then grabs a chair and cracks Sandman across the back with it. Sandman winces and tries to walk away on his knees, but Evenflow throws the chair and catches Sandman on the back of his head.

Back in the ring, Reject whips Jailbait into the ladder. Reject rushes in, but Jailbait sidesteps and shoves the ladder down, catching Reject as he rushes in! Reject falls to the ground, with the ladder on top of him. Seizing the moment, Jailbait grabs the chair and nails the ladder a few times, injuring Reject, before springing to the top rope, chair in hand. Jailbait comes off with a chairsault, crushing the ladder against Reject while managing to slightly protect himself from the ladder with the chair!

Back in the crowd, Evenflow dents a chair over Sandman’s head, sending Sandman flying into more rows of chairs. Evenflow and Sandman are making steady progress through the crowd, sending chairs and audience members scattering everywhere they go. In the ring, Jailbait slides the ladder off Reject and covers, 1…2…Reject kicks out. Jailbait kicks Reject out of the ring, as he turns and notices Jingus trying to stand. Jailbait grabs the ladder and throws it at Jingus, hitting the DevilMod on his arm and the side of his head, and collapsing Jingus into the corner.

JR: “It looks like we’ve now got a hardcore Rumble, eh Jess?”

Jesse: “Good Lord that was a horrible joke Ross. Just call the match and don’t try to be funny.”

Evenflow finally throws Sandman back over the guardrail, into the ringside area. Sandman has been busted open, as Evenflow begins tossing chairs from the crowd into the ringside area. Evenflow has tossed ten chairs into the ringside area, but continues to toss chairs in!

In the ring, Jailbait has Jingus in the middle of the ring, but is unable to lift the big hoss up for a body slam. Jingus finally gets some offense in, pounding Jailbait with his forearm in order for Jailbait to let go. Jailbait does, and Jingus levels Jailbait with a massive clothesline, sending both men to the mat.

On the outside, Evenflow has about two dozen chairs at the ringside area. Evenflow grabs one of the chairs and belts Sandman across the back with it, sending Sandman down against the guardrail. Evenflow begins to open up some of the chairs and sets them up on the outside.

Jesse: “What in the world is Evenflow doing?”

JR: “I don’t want to know.”

Reject is up, and stomps away on Jailbait. Reject nails Jailbait with Rolling Thunder and covers, 1…2…Jailbait kicks out. Jingus is trying to stand, but Reject throws a standing moonsault and lands on Jingus, taking the DevilMod back down to the mat.

On the outside, Evenflow has ten chairs set up, five on each side, and is laying flat chair across every two chairs, setting up fifteen of them. Evenflow begins opening up more chairs, and placing those on top of the bridges chairs, creating a double-layer of open chairs!

In the ring, Reject picks up a chair and cracks Jingus over the back with it. Jailbait takes a shot as well. On the outside, Evenflow notices that he needs one more chair to have four open sets on the top layer. Evenflow notices that Reject has a chair and has his back to the ropes. Evenflow reaches through the ropes and grabs the chair out of Reject’s hands. Reject turns and sticks his head through the middle ropes, yelling at Evenflow. Evenflow turns and cracks Reject over the head with the chair, sending Reject stumbling back into the ring. Jailbait schoolboys Reject, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Reject

Via: Jailbait, pinfall, schoolboy

Eliminated: No one

Evenflow places the final chair on top, having a double-decker of open chairs. However, the time spent setting the structure up gave Sandman time to recover, and Sandman attacks Evenflow as Evenflow comes to pick him up. Sandman tosses Evenflow onto the apron, climbs up himself, and carefully lies Evenflow across the top row of eight chairs.

JR: “I do not like where this is going Jess.”

Jesse: “I do, and I think our crowd agrees with me.”

The entire crowd, and not just those without chairs, are all standing in anticipation. Sandman climbs onto the top rope, looking to drive Evenflow through all of the chairs. Sandman is steadying himself on the top rope when Jailbait comes over and shoves Sandman from behind, sending Sandman off the top to the outside! Evenflow moves, and Sandman smashes through the entire structure, sending chairs flying all over the ringside area!

JR: “Good Lord! I think Jailbait just took Sandman out of this matchup!”

Jesse: “Finally, Jailbait does something right. Maybe this kid has potential after all.”

Sandman is down on the outside of the ring, surrounded by a mess of broken metal. Some of the chairs are broken, most are not. Some are open, some closed, but all are in a heap around Sandman body. OAOAST officials begin picking out the undamaged chairs and handing them back to audience members, as Evenflow comes over and starts to stomp away on Sandman.

Back in the ring, Jailbait turns his attention to Jingus. Jailbait stomps on Jingus a few times, but turns and exits the ring, looking to go after Sandman. Evenflow stops Jailbait, however, and punches Jailbait in the face several times, before tossing Jailbait back into the ring. Evenflow then picks Sandman up out of what chairs are left and begins to drag him around ringside as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Ice Ice Baby” hits as #16 is the Masked Mystery Eskimo! MME rushes down to the ring and immediately goes after Jailbait, who was looking to wallop Jingus with another shot from the ladder!

JR: “Finally, Jingus gets some help in there!”

Jesse: “I’m personally surprised that Jingus has lasted as long as he has. He’s been in there for what, 45 minutes?”

JR: “It shows you that hosses do have what it takes to go the distance, Jess.”

Jesse: “When all they do is lay around, then yes, yes they do have what it takes.”

MME tackles Jailbait down to the ground and starts firing away with big right hands. MME picks Jailbait up, shoots him off the ropes, and nails him with a massive clothesline. MME starts choking Jailbait, giving Jingus some precious time needed to recover.

On the outside, Evenflow shoots Sandman hard into the guardrail. Sandman falls to the ground as Evenflow grabs the ring bell. Sandman tries to stand, but Evenflow drives the ring bell into the back of Sandman’s head. Sandman collapses down the mat, while Evenflow ignores the orders of the officials at ringside to return to the ring. Evenflow hits Sandman a second time with the ring bell, before tossing it down.

MME has Jailbait in the corner, where MME is choking Jailbait with his foot. MME stops choking Jailbait, then whips him across the ring into the opposite corner. Jailbait stumbles out, MME hooks him and delivers a northern lights suplex and holds the bridge, 1…2…Jailbait kicks out.

Back on the outside, Sandman and Evenflow are exchanging blows by the announce table. Sandman bashes Evenflow’s head into the table. As Evenflow recoils, he grabs Sandman’s head and bounces his bloody face into the table. Sandman bounces Evenflow’s skull off of the wood, and Evenflow returns the favor. Sandman stumbles back, but backdrops Evenflow on the floor as Evenflow charged in.

JR: “We’ve got a war in the ring, and a war outside the ring.”

Jesse: “And a war in Iraq.”

Moment of silence

JR: “What your point Jess?”

Jesse: “Call the match dammit!”

Jingus is finally back up to his feet, as MME comes off the top rope with a splash. MME hauls Jailbait up to his feet and whips him into Jingus, who clobbers Jailbait with a massive clothesline. Jingus is still hobbled by his bad leg, but is able to move around some. Jingus picks Jailbait up and whips him towards MME, where MME drills Jailbait with a Penguin Kick. Neither man appears to be in a hurry to finish off Jailbait, as there is a little less then two minutes before the next entry.

Sandman quickly slides into the ring to retrieve the ladder and brings it out to ringside. Sandman drops the ladder on Evenflow, before bridging the ladder across the announce table and the ring apron. Sandman lifts Evenflow to his feet, prepares to whip him towards the guardrail, reverses direction, and hotshots Evenflow onto the ladder, Evenflow crashing chest-first onto the ladder! Evenflow falls back to ringside, clutching his sternum, while Sandman wipes the blood out of his eyes.

Back in the ring, MME has the Polar Bear Clutch locked on Jailbait, yet Jailbait refuses to tap. MME keeps the hold on, putting Jailbait in pain while allowing himself, and more importantly Jingus, to conserve energy. MME finally lets go of the hold, as Jailbait is completely worn out. MME picks Jailbait up and tosses him towards Jingus, where Jailbait just ragdolls in Jingus’ arms.

Sensing that Jailbait has finally had enough, Jingus sets Jailbait up for the Clawslam, but Jailbait kicks Jingus in the groin when Jingus lifts him. Despite the cup, Jingus is stunned enough by the kick to release Jailbait. Jailbait clotheslines MME as MME rushes in.

JR: “Jailbait’s gotta be completely gassed, but he’s still got some fight left in him.”

Jesse: “I don’t care. I only liked Jailbait when he shoved Sandman through all of those chairs.”

On the outside, Sandman has Evenflow laid out on the ladder, bridged across the announce table and the ring apron. Sandman hits Evenflow across the chest and stomach a couple of times to stun Evenflow, before sliding into the ring. Seeing MME, Jailbait, and Jingus consumed with their own actions, Sandman turns to the ropes, springboards up, and comes off with the Springboard 450 Splash. However, Evenflow moves, and Sandman smashes chest-first THROUGH the ladder! The steel crumples like paper as Sandman is on the ground again, surrounded by broken metal!

JR: “OH MY GOD!”

Jesse: “Goddamn Sandman! What the hell is wrong with you boy?”

Sandman is down on the outside, convulsing after going through the ladder. Evenflow is down on the outside as well, the second time he has avoided the bullet. He knows he’s been lucky so far, but eventually Sandman will connect on one of his ultra-high risk moves. However, that means that Sandman has to recover from this mindblowingly dumb stunt.

In the ring, Jailbait slams MME down to the mat, and hits Jingus with a standing enzurgi as Jingus attempted to stand. Jailbait attempts to catch his breath as the countdown hits 10.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Chop Suey” hits as the luchador Naz Mistry comes racing down to the ring as #17. Naz slides into the ring and immediately takes Jailbait over with a hurricarana. Naz is unable to hook the legs, and as Naz stands, MME hits Naz with a Penguin Kick, flooring the fellow mask wearer. Naz checks for his teeth and Jingus and MME prey on Jailbait. Jingus lifts Jailbait up and sets him up for a Clawslam, but MME tosses Jailbait back to the ground?

JR: “What’s going on?”

Jesse: “Not a good time for two partners to start fighting.”

MME signals for the Devilbomb, but Jingus points towards his bad leg. MME signals again, as Jingus sighs and picks Jailbait up. MME waits near the ropes as Jingus, gritting his teeth, lifts Jailbait upside down. MME dropkicks the upside-down Jailbait in the face, then Jingus plants him with the DEVILBOMB! Jingus collapses down to the mat, holding his leg as MME covers, 1…2…3!

Eliminated: Y2Jailbait

Via: MME, pinfall, Jingus’ Devilbomb

Eliminated: Tony, Thunder Kid, Brock Ausstin, Green Mist, Reject.

JR: “As much as you don’t like him, Jesse, Jailbait showed a lot of fight and took out ¼ of the people involved in this rumble.”

Jesse: “He unjustly eliminated Tony, and for that I will hate him forever. I’m glad he’s gone.”

Back down to five people, the three minute countdown starts again. MME turns his attention to Naz, who floors MME with a spinning heel kick. Naz paints a question mark, then looks to drill MME with the Mystyfier. However, Jingus is up, and his mere presence makes Naz drop MME and go after Jingus. Naz goes for a crossbody, but despite his leg, Jingus catches Naz, and launches him over his head with a fallaway slam, sending Naz over the top rope, out of the ring!

Sandman has finally gotten back up, but Evenflow is stomping away on him. Naz lands by both men, but Evenflow leaves Sandman, stomps away on Naz, and picks Naz up and throws him back into the ring. Evenflow then resumes beating up Sandman.

Again in the ring, MME shoots Naz into the corner. MME rushes in and wallops Naz with a big clothesline, then shoots Naz over to Jingus, who backdrops Naz about ten feet into the air, Naz landing hard on the canvas! Naz slowly gets back up to his feet, but MME spins Naz around and plants him with an Igloo DDT!

On the outside, Evenflow somehow managed to get another chair from the crowd. Sandman is able to block the chair shot, however, grab the chair for himself, and crack Evenflow over the head with it! Evenflow falls to the ground, as a bloody Sandman takes a moment to recover and catch his breath.

JR: “I don’t think Sandman and Evenflow have been in the ring yet Jess.”

Jesse: “I don’t think they care.”

JR: “I don’t think you care.”

In the ring, MME has Naz in the corner, and is laying in with several heavy chops. Naz suddenly switches positions, and starts chopping away at MME! Jingus comes lumbering in, but Naz moves and Jingus squashes MME! Jingus backs away as MME collapses to the canvas. Naz hops onto the apron, springboards up, flies halfway across the ring and dropkicks Jingus in the back, sending the DevilMod leaning against the middle rope. The crowd all stand, as they and Naz know what is coming next. Naz runs and drills Jingus with a 619! Naz covers, 1…2…Jingus kicks out.

Outside, Sandman is firing away at Evenflow’s head, with has also been busted open. Sandman leans Evenflow up against the corner of the guardrail, and starts doing his boot scrapes! Sandman grinds the sole of his boot against Evenflow’s face, looking to peel the skin off! Sandman stops grinding, but only to back off, get a running start, and hit a running boot scrape! Sandman pulls the guardrail back against Evenflow’s head and throws a second boot scrape, but it is more like a running kick to the temple then a boot scrape.

JR: “Ow.”

Jesse: “What commentary.”

JR: “What insight.”

Evenflow slumps against the guardrail, blood streaming down his face. Sandman, already a bloody mess, pauses to catch his breath. Inside the ring, Naz takes MME over with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Jingus is still down from the 619, so Naz goes up top, pauses, and throws the 720 SPLASH! He connects with Jingus’ chest, but is unable to make the cover.

Naz finally crawls over and makes the cover, 1…2..MME pulls Naz off Jingus. MME locks Naz up, and takes him over with a Killer Whale Plex! MME covers, 1…2…Naz kicks out. On the outside, Sandman suplexes Evenflow onto the steel ramp, as the countdown hits 10 once more.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“Die Another Day” hits as the P.O.P, Zack Malibu himself, comes down as #18!

JR: “Zack Malibu is in! What a great number! Zack could win this thing.”

Jesse: “Oh my God, you’re not putting over a hoss. We’re recording this, right?”

As Zack sprints down the ramp, he clobbers Sandman with a flying forearm without breaking stride, and slides into the ring. Zack slides into the ring, ducks a clothesline from MME, bounces off the ropes, and hitting a flying forearm shot on MME! Naz is standing, so kicks him down to one knee, bounces off the ropes, and has his head nearly taken off by a Jingus clothesline!

Zack is stunned, as Jingus drags Zack to his feet. Jingus shoots Zack off the ropes, but misses a second clothesline. Zack comes back with a crossbody that takes Jingus over! MME is back up however, and pounds Zack down before Zack can get back up. Naz charges over and throws a clothesline at MME. However, MME catches the arm and locks on a full nelson, before dumping Naz on his head with another Killer Whale Plex!

JR: “Naz getting dumped on his head again! He may not be able to last much longer!”

On the outside, Sandman and Evenflow are both slow to get up, blood pouring from their heads. Evenflow throws the first punch, Sandman throws the second. They still exchange punches on the bottom of the ramp, neither man wanting to give the other any ground.

Naz stumbles to his feet, as MME sneaks up behind him. MME takes him over with a third Killer Whale Plex, but holds on, and brings Naz up to his feet again! MME with a second Killer Whale Plex, but still is holding on! Naz and MME to their feet again, but from the full nelson position, MME boots Naz onto the top rope! Still holding onto the full nelson, MME climbs up to the second rope, where both men stand. KILLER WHALE PLEX FROM THE SECOND ROPE! Naz lands directly on his head, bounces up, and falls back down to the mat. MME covers, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Naz Mistry

Via: MME, pinfall, Super Killer Whale Plex

Eliminated: No One

The three minute countdown starts again, as there are five men in the ring. Zack is up, as MME covers over and shoots Zack off the ropes. Zack reverses, and catches MME with a step-over roundhouse as MME rebounds! Jingus is up, but Zack hits a Shining Black on the DevilMod! Zack covers, 1…2….Jingus barely kicks out. Zack covers again, 1…2…Jingus kicks out again.

Back on the outside, Sandman whips Evenflow into the ring apron. Evenflow hits hard as Sandman comes over and rolls Evenflow into the ring. Sandman grabs a chair from the crowd before following in, and blasting Evenflow over the back with it. Zack comes over to stop Sandman, but takes a chair to the stomach, and then across the back. Sandman covers Zack, 1…2…Zack kicks out.

JR: “When he has a weapon in his hand, Sandman is arguably the most dangerous individual here in the OAOAST.”

Jesse: “And the most ignorant, foolish, idiotic, retarded, and stupid.”

Sandman places the chair on Zack’s stomach and climbs up to the top rope. Sandman comes off with the corkscrew moonsault, but Zack moves and Sandman hits nothing but the ring. MME comes over and pulls Sandman off the ground and hooks him up for the Killer Whale Plex, but Sandman elbows his way out. Sandman throws a clothesline, but MME takes him down and applies the FROSTBITE FACELOCK! Sandman is close to tapping, when Evenflow makes the save? Evenflow tosses MME out of the ring before resuming his assault on Sandman.

Jingus comes over to Evenflow and pulls him off of Sandman, to protest Evenflow’s tossing his partner out of the ring. Evenflow kicks Jingus in the stomach and attempts to whip Jingus into the ropes, but Jingus reverses. Jingus grabs his leg in pain, as Evenflow rebounds and hits a dropkick to the chest, knocking Jingus through the ropes, out of the ring by MME.

Zack is on his feet as he and Evenflow hit the In Crowd handshake! Seeing their foes down on the outside, Evenflow drops to all fours by the ropes as Zack runs the ropes. Zack comes off of Evenflow’s back with a somersault plancha onto MME and Jingus on the outside! Zack pulls MME and Jingus to their feet, as Evenflow comes through the ropes with a tope suicida, taking out all three men!

JR: “These men are taking some incredible risks to win this match!”

Jesse: “By incredible, you meant foolish, right?”

Sandman is up, and seeing the bodies on the outside, he runs the ropes and looks for his no hands somersault plancha. However, the Red Sea parts, and Sandman lands on his feet on the outside but his momentum takes him into the guardrail! Evenflow pounds Sandman from behind, while Zack tosses MME into the ring and follows.

Zack goes up to the top rope and comes off with a missile dropkick to the back of MME. With MME down, Zack goes to the opposite turnbuckle, pauses to play for the screaming sold-out crowd, and throws a moonsault that misses as MME rolls out of the way. MME picks Zack up, shoots him off the ropes, and hits him with a leg lariat as Zack rebounds.

On the outside, Evenflow shoots Sandman hard into the guardrail. Sandman stumbles away from the guardrail as Evenflow hooks up Sandman, and delivers a Pillow Made O’ Concete, bouncing Sandman’s head off the mats at ringside! Sandman looks out of it, as Evenflow starts digging around under the ring, and pulls out another table!

Jesse: “Is that what I think it is Rossie?”

JR: “Here we go again.”

Jesse: “TABLE!”

Evenflow bridges the guardrail and the ring apron with the table, and rolls Sandman on top of it. Evenflow climbs onto the apron, then the top rope, but thinks twice when he sees Jingus getting up, and jumps off the top, OVER the table, and onto Jingus!

In the ring, MME chokes Zack in the corner with his foot. Zack is fresher then MME, so MME is trying to wear down Zack. MME releases the choke as Zack gasps for breath, but MME quickly reapplies the choke. Evenflow rolls into the ring, and runs the ropes, but Sandman is sitting up and getting off the table. Evenflow stops and climbs through the ropes as Sandman stands on the table. Evenflow throws a punch that Sandman blocks, Sandman kicks Evenflow in the stomach, and hits the BUMP BUMP AND BUMP DDT THROUGH THE TABLE! Both men are down on the outside, as the crowd pops big time!

JR: “Sandman just stole Evenflow’s move!”

Jesse: “And put his ass through a table with it!”

MME comes over to see what just happened, allowing Zack to hit a low blow from behind, as the 10 second countdown hits.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

“My Hero” fills the arena, as Big Poppa Popick comes down as #19! “BPP” chants fill the air, as BPP slides into the ring and goes after MME. Zack and BPP whip MME off the ropes, and hit a massive double backbody drop on MME! MME tries to stand, but when he is on one knee, Zack rushes over and drives his knee into MME’s temple with a Zack Attack! MME is being rocked, as BPP pulls MME to his feet, hooks him up, and drops him down with the FALLEN ANGEL! BPP covers, 1…2…3!

Eliminated: Masked Mystery Eskimo

Via: BPP, pinfall, Fallen Angel

Eliminated: Naz, Jailbait

The three minute countdown starts up once again, as BPP and Zack look on from the ring. Evenflow, Sandman, and Jingus are all down on the outside. BPP and Zack make the decision to go after the aWo member, as they both exit the ring and drag Sandman into the ring!

JR: “Zack and BPP are going to take Sandman out of this matchup!”

Jesse: “Finally.”

Sandman is down in the ring as BPP covers, 1…2…Sandman kicks out. Zack covers, 1…2…Sandman kicks out again. Deciding he needs to be softened up more, BPP hauls Sandman to his feet and shoots him into the corner. Sandman hits hard as BPP rushes in with a double knee strike to Sandman’s jaw! Sandman stumbles out of the corner, as Zack bounces off the ropes and hits a flying neckbreaker on Sandman!

Jingus crawls back into the ring, completely gassed. BPP and Zack help the DevilMod up, looking for a 3 on 1 on Sandman, but Jingus tosses them both aside, as he saw BPP and Zack eliminate his partner. Zack throws a right hand, Jingus blocks, and drops Zack with one of this own. BPP rushes in, but Jingus backhands him away. Zack back up, but Jingus hiptosses Zack over. BPP up, but Jingus blocks the punch attempt and nails BPP with a massive headbutt.

Evenflow is still down on the outside from going through the table. Sandman is slumped in the corner, while Jingus battles both BPP and Zack. Zack is up in the corner, but Jingus shoots Zack to the opposite side. Zack hits hard and falls to the ground, holding his back. BPP is up, but takes a massive chop from Jingus and goes back against the ropes. Jingus shoots BPP off the ropes, but misses the clothesline. BPP rebounds and throws a clothesline that rocks Jingus. BPP bounces off the ropes and throws another clothesline, but Jingus is still standing. BPP bounces off the ropes again as he and Jingus take each other down with clotheslines.

BPP is up first, as Jingus is slow to stand. BPP goes for a cradle, 1…2…Jingus kicks out. BPP is quick to his feet, while Jingus, completely exhausted, is struggling just to breathe. BPP stomps on Jingus, driving that wind out of Jingus’ body. BPP attempts to lift Jingus to his feet, but is unable to haul up the dead weight. BPP instead climbs up to the top rope, a place where he is not terribly familiar. BPP comes off with a splash, but comes up a little short, more of a combo splash/diving headbutt. BPP, shook up a little, is unable to immediately cover, but is jumped on by Sandman, 1…2…BPP kicks out.

Sandman, his face covered in blood, stands and stomps away on BPP. Zack is up, and goes after Sandman. Evenflow finally crawls into the ring, sees Sandman attacking Zack, and the chair in the corner. Evenflow grabs the chair and swings, as Zack drops Sandman with a right hand. Evenflow misses Sandman and cracks Zack over the head with the chair! Zack collapses to the ground, as Evenflow looks concerned. Sandman grabs the stunned Evenflow, hauls him up to his shoulders, and drops him with the PSYCHO DRIVAH~! Sandman covers, 1…2…BPP breaks it up.

JR: “These guys know they are all close to winning the title shot, and are doing everything within their power to keep their allies in, and their enemies out.”

Jesse: “I know Sandman is aWo, and Evenflow is on BPP’s side, but if Sandman pinned Evenflow, it is one less person BPP has to deal with! It isn’t smart!”

BPP hauls Sandman to his feet, shoots him off the ropes as Evenflow rolls out of the way, and takes Sandman over with a big back body drop. Sandman bounces towards the ropes, where BPP runs the ropes and sits on the back of Sandman’s head, driving Sandman’s throat into the rope! Sandman falls back as BPP covers, 1…2…Sandman kicks out.

Zack is slow to get up, as the chair shot from Evenflow has busted him open. The blood streams down Zack’s face, turning his blonde hair red. Zack stands and stumbles around. BPP tries to comfort Zack, but Zack kicks BPP in the stomach, then in the head! The crowd is stunned at Zack’s attack on BPP.

JR: “What the hell? Did Zack know that was BPP?”

Jesse: “Who cares? It’s every man for themselves Ross! Why are we making such a big deal out of this?”

JR: “Because Zack and BPP are on the same side, Jesse. It’s not like Zack hit Jingus.”

Zack is still stumbling around, trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes. Sandman is trying to get up, but Zack charges over at hits him with a Zack Attack! Sandman falls to the ground, but rolls out of the ring before he can be pinned. The 10 second countdown hits for the final time!

JR: “The 10 second countdown hits for the final time!”

Jesse: “Idiot. He just said that.”

JR: “What?”

Jesse: “Don’t. Start.”

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!

January 26, 2003

#20 is obvious, as “Hells Bells” hits and El Dandy runs down to the ring. Dandy clotheslines Zack from behind, knocking Zack into the ropes and then down into the ring.

JR: “El Dandy drew the best number possibly. He only needs to outlast these five tired men to win the title shot.”

Jesse: “But there are a lot of dangerous people in there Ross. This isn’t as much as a cakewalk as you say it is!”

Dandy pulls Zack back up to his feet, shoots Zack off the ropes, and catches him with an inverted atomic drop as he returns. Zack is stunned, allowing Dandy to bounce off the ropes and drop Zack with a clothesline. Zack tries to get back up, but a running knee strike by Dandy sends Zack back down to his back.

BPP rolls out of the ring and grabs the chair by the ropes, while Sandman is digging around near the ring post. Sandman pulls out a bundle of four lighttubes, holding them up with a sick grin on his face, as the crowd reacts. Sandman turns around, where BPP swings the chair, blasting the lightbulbs into Sandman’s face! Sandman hits the ground in a shower of glass, holding his face, while BPP leans on the chair.

JR: “Oh man! Sandman has plans for those tubes, but BPP ruined whatever he had in mind!”

Jesse: “As much as I love tables, I hate lightbulbs! They have no place in wrestling!”

JR: “And tables do?”

Jesse: “Yes.”

JR: “How?”

Jesse: “Call the freaking match!”

Dandy stomps away on Zack, while Evenflow is finally getting up after being drilled by Sandman. Evenflow sees Zack being attacked and rushes to his rescue. Evenflow spins Dandy around, kicks him in the stomach, and hits the BUMP BUMP AND BUMP DDT! Evenflow covers, 1…2…Dandy kicks out!

Jesse: “Makes sense. Dandy is fresh. Evenflow needs to wear Dandy out for his finisher to be effective.”

Evenflow does look frustrated, but goes over to comfort Zack. Evenflow helps Zack to his feet, but Zack has this sudden look of rage in his face, almost like he’s recognizing that Evenflow was the one that hit him with the chair. Zack begins to open up on Evenflow, hitting him with sick right hands. Evenflow offers no defense, whether he can’t or won’t is unknown.

Zack shoots Evenflow off the ropes and hits a roundhouse kick as Evenflow rebounds. Evenflow back up, but down after a Zack leg lariat. Evenflow up once more as Zack throws the School’s Out, but Evenflow ducks out of the way. Evenflow throws a punch, but stops mid-swing. Evenflow looks pained, but Zack continues to fire away on Evenflow, flooring Evenflow after a series of punches.

Sandman is still down on the outside, holding his face. BPP picks him up and rolls Sandman back into the ring and covers him, 1…2…Sandman kicks out. Dandy is getting back up as BPP misses a clothesline, Dandy misses a clothesline, and BPP hits a belly-to-back suplex with a bridge, 1…2…3!

JR: “And the fresh man is gone!”

Jesse: “Wait a second, the official is ordering BPP out of the ring as well!”

BPP is looking confused as El Dandy exits and heads up the ramp. The official is leaning out of the ring and talking to the ring announcer, as Jingus and Sandman are down, while Zack is still attacking Evenflow. The ring announcer speaks.

“The official in the ring counted both men’s shoulders down for the three count. He has ruled that both men were pinned, and therefore eliminated!”

Eliminated: El Dandy

Via: BPP, pinfall, belly-to-back suplex

Eliminated: No one

Eliminated: Big Poppa Popick

Via: Himself, pinfall, belly-to-back suplex.

Eliminated: MME, BPP

BPP leaves the ring, head in his hands, as only four people are left in this match. Jingus, Sandman, Evenflow, and Zack Malibu. Sandman and Jingus are down, while Zack chokes Evenflow in the corner. Zack pulls Evenflow out of the corner, shoots him off the ropes, but misses a clothesline. Evenflow hits a shoulderblock, sending Zack down to the mat, but looks concerned after he does.

Sandman and Jingus are very slow to get to their feet. Sandman is up first, but Jingus is quickly up after that. Sandman throws a right at Jingus, but Jingus throws a right that floors Sandman. Sandman is back up and hits Jingus, but Jingus shoves Sandman down to the mat. Sandman rolls through, but straight into the CLAWSLAM! On the other side of the ring, Evenflow helps Zack to his feet and starts apologizing. Zack shrugs and drills Evenflow with SCHOOL’S OUT! Evenflow’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he falls to the mat. Jingus and Zack cover their respective men, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Sandman9000

Via: Jingus, pinfall, Clawslam

Eliminated: No one

Eliminated: EvenflowDDT

Via: Zack, pinfall, School’s Out,

Eliminated: No one

JR: “Double elimination! And we’re down to two!”

Jesse: “Zack at 18, Jingus at 1! Can Jingus go the distance?”

JR: “Of course he can Jesse, he’s a hoss!”

Jesse: “SHUT UP Ross!”

It’s all down to Zack and Jingus, two men battling for one title shot. Zack’s face is covered in blood, while Jingus, having been in the ring for over an hour, is completely exhausted, as well as his knee is injured. Zack is up first, and pounds away on Jingus. Jingus is able to flyswat Zack away, and shoot him off the ropes. Jingus drills Zack with a massive clothesline as he rebounds, nearly taking his head off! Jingus covers, 1…2…Zack kicks out!

Jingus, obviously frustrated and tired, slowly stands and drags Zack to his feet. Jingus shoots Zack off the ropes, but misses the clothesline. Zack hops up on the big man’s back and locks on a sleeper. Jingus’ bad wheel has him bend down some, putting Zack on his feet, and allowing him to hit the Trendsetter! Zack covers, 1…2…Jingus kicks out.

JR: “So close, but Jingus kicks out.”

Jesse: “To go over an hour, for a man his size, and still be able to kick out, my hat is off to him.”

JR: “But Jess, you aren’t wearing a hat, I a…”

Jesse: “IT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH IDIOT!”

Zack lifts up Jingus, but only to one knee. Zack goes to the corner, prepping the Zack Attack. Zack charges, but Jingus turns and catches Zack’s face in his mighty claw! From his knee, Jingus lifts and delivers the CLAWSLAM to Zack! Jingus covers, 1…2…ZACK KICKS OUT! ZACK KICKS OUT OF THE CLAWSLAM!

JR: “Dammit! But what fight by Zack!”

Jesse: “Jingus simply didn’t have the power necessary from his knees to take Zack out with that Clawslam. If I was Jingus, I’d do it again, but from my feet.”

Zack is using the ropes to pull himself up. Jingus stands over him, waiting for Zack to stand. As Zack slowly turns around, Jingus grabs him by the face again! Jingus lifts, but Zack kicks Jingus in the groin! The cup manages to absorb most of the impact, but Jingus still drops Zack. Zack bounces off the ropes for momentum, and drills Jingus with SCHOOL’S OUT! Zack covers as the crowd counts along, 1…2….JINGUS KICKS OUT! Jingus kicks out of Zack’s finisher!

Zack can’t believe the two count, as he grabs his bloody head with his hands. Zack, in a state of disbelief, lifts Jingus to his feet. As Jingus stands, wobbling, Zack preps for a second School’s Out. However, Jingus grabs Zack’s foot as Zack throws the kick! Jingus spins Zack around and decapitates him with another clothesline! Jingus, running on fumes and adrenaline, lifts Zack up, grabs his face again, and hits a standing CLAWSLAM! Holding his leg, Jingus covers, 1…2….ZACK KICKS OUT OF THE CLAWSLAM AGAIN! The crowd can’t believe it, and neither can Jingus! Jingus covers again, hooking both legs, 1…2…Zack still kicks out!

Jingus gets up and into the official’s face, holding up three fingers while the official holds up two. Jingus argues, but to no avail. Jingus turns and hauls Zack up to his feet. Jingus shoves Zack’s head between his legs, setting him up for the Devilbomb! Jingus lifts, but his leg gives out, and he is forced to release Zack.

Zack, given a second chance, blocks a punch from Jingus, and kicks Jingus square on the knee. Jingus groans and grabs his knee, allowing Zack to hit a SCHOOL’S OUT from the standing position! Jingus is rocked, as Zack backs up and hits a second SCHOOL’S OUT! Jingus stumbles backwards and bounces off the ropes, as Zack turns and runs off the ropes, looking for momentum for a third SCHOOL’S OUT! Jingus finally goes down as Zack scrambles over and covers, the crowd is going insane, Jingus hooks the good leg, 1………….2………………3!

Eliminated: Jingus

Via: Zack, pinfall, School’s Out

Eliminated: Mario, Sandman

January 26, 2003

Confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling, as the official raises Zack Malibu’s hand.

JR: “ZACK! HE’S DONE IT! ZACK’S FINALLY GOT HIS TITLE SHOT! GOOD LORD, WHAT A FIGHT!”

The crowd is going insane, as music blares over the PA, fireworks are exploding among the falling streamers and balloons, it is just pure joy. Zack climbs onto the second turnbuckle to salute the crowd.

Amongst the celebration, AP crawls out from under the ring! After taking a moment to notice himself, he notices the celebration and Zack celebrating in the ring. AP slides into the ring as Zack hops down from the turnbuckle, gets the officials attention, hooks Zack in a backslide, and with AP’s feet on the ropes the official counts, 1…2….3!

Eliminated: Zack

Via: AP, pinfall, rope-assisted backslide

Eliminated: Jingus

The entire celebration stops in its tracks. The fireworks stop, the crowd goes silent, even the balloons and confetti appear to stop in mid-air. Agnes and Zack both look stunned, as the official converges with the ring announcer and the officials from ringside. They huddle for what seems to be an eternity, before breaking the huddle. The ring announcer, stunned, shakily takes the microphone, and in a dejected voice.

“I have been informed by the official in the ring, that, that Angle-Plex was never eliminated. Therefore, the winner of this matchup, and the man to receive a title shot at AngleMania, Angle-Plex.”

The ring announcer throws down the microphone in disgust. AP suddenly gets this bright look in his eyes, as he hops to his feet, lets out a massive scream of celebration, and hops over the ropes to the outside, whooping it up as he runs up the ramp, celebrating his victory.

Jesse: “Jim, what the hell just happened?”

JR: “Jesse, I have no clue.”

Zack, slowly, with every emotion possible running through his eyes, slowly stands while eyeing the official. The official is trying to leave, but Zack grabs him by his shirt from behind. The crowd, having gone from ecstatic to silent, is starting to have angry murmurs go through it. A couple fans begin to boo. A fan at ringside yells something about this being happy. The whole place has the feel of a powder keg waiting to explode.

Zack turns the official around and begins to argue with him. The voices of the crowd growing louder and angrier as Zack continues to argue. Finally, Zack grabs the official by his shirt, setting off an eruption from the crowd. Zack spits words at the official, who continues to defend himself. Finally, Zack winds up and decks the official, setting off a massive eruption from the crowd, louder then the one from Zack’s victory!

JR: “Um.”

Jesse: “Oh shit.”

JR: “We need to get out of here now. Cut off the feed and get us out of here.”

Other official slide into the ring, but there is no stopping Zack now. Zack floors one with a right hand, then nails the other with a side kick to the stomach. A third tries to stop Zack, but one look sends him out of the ring, fleeing for his life.

Zack exits the ring as the crowd is still going crazy, and throws over the announce table. JR and Jesse scatter away as Zack begins to dismantle the table violently. The crowd follows Zack’s actions and begin to throw their chairs into the ring, on top of the downed officials. Zack grabs one of the chairs and starts beating it against the announce table in rage, while the crowd is now a full-blown riot, tearing the arena apart. Police enter the ringside area and the crowd, looking to disperse the crowd before anymore damage is done.

The cameramen have been overtaken and assaulted by the crowd. Only the main camera is functional, capturing the insanity. A crazed fan climbs up the tower, grabs the camera, and jams his face into the lens. With a drunken, bloodcurdling scream, he throws the camera to the side, where it falls and smashes into the concrete. The camera buzzes, flashes, and fades, then comes back to life to capture an upside down fire beginning to burn, as the camera finally fades out.

End show.

January 26, 2003

Credits

An OaOast Production

DIRECTED BY

Sandman9000

WRITTEN BY

Sandman9000 (Royal Rumble)

Big Poppa Popick (Tag Gauntlet)

Hollywood Spike Jenkins (Ausstin/Jailbait)

EvenflowDDT (Evenflow/Reject)

The Superstar (AngleSault/SuperStar)

Spider-Poet (Fan skit, AP/TK)

Alfdogg (Drew #’s)

PRODUCERS

Tony149

Alfdogg

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

Zack Malibu

SUPERVISING PRODUCERS

Big Poppa Popick

CobainWasMurdered

CREATIVE CONSULTANTS

Tony149

Big Poppa Popick

CobainWasMurdered

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER

Sandman9000

AnglePalooza 2003

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