PROMO: Let Me Tell Ya' Something Brother...

[Guest realitycheck]

As I'm currently just barely stumbling through my match, I figured I might as well post a promo...

__(The SJL locker room that looks like a locker room. Ben Hardy, holding a microphone, is standing next to Z, who is wearing his ring ‘gear’. No, he doesn’t look any less ridiculous outside of the ring, sorry. Ben holds the microphone to his lips.)

 

Ben: Well, Z, you called me in here. I presume it’s to respond to Tom Flesher’s comments?

 

(Z speaks. Characteristically, he sounds like he’s fifteen.)

Z: Of course not Ben! I called you in here to help organize my sock collection! It needs to be purged with fire and death again.

 

Ben:……

 

Z: Hey, it’s a really *cool* sock collection!

 

Ben: …….

 

Z: Okay, seriously. Yes, I did call you in here to talk about Flesher’s HENIOUS comments.

 

Ben: Which ones, specifically?

 

Z: Well, it’s not the fact that he considers himself so obviously superior to me,(Cause it’s true…) that’s not irritating. It’s not the fact that he called me a bitchboy,(Cause that’s also true…) that doesn’t irritate me. Heck, it’s not even the fact that he threatened to cripple me!

 

Ben: So what is it, then?

 

Z: It’s the fact he doesn’t want to carry me! I deserve to look good at least once! It’s things like that that make me ANGRY.

 

Ben: I-- …well, I guess I could see that…

 

Z: I knew you’d agree! I mean, you’re the only person to have a more pitiful and less fulfilling career than me!

 

Ben (No-selling that last remark): So, you’re angry because a superior talent won’t carry you to a good match. Makes sense. (Smirking) I hear Flesher could carry a broomstick to a good match.

 

Z (obviously not getting Ben’s drift): Hey, are you insulting the long lineage of great broomstick matches!?

 

Ben: I meant tha—

 

Z: I’ll have you know some of my best friends are broomsticks! And, as a matter of fact, I’ve seen Flesher sweep the floor of THIS very locker room! It was about a ***1/3 tussle, with good psychology, crisp technicality, and a MAN-SIZED bump from the broomstick. Even in defeat, the broomstick made both of them look great.

 

Ben: Un-huh…

 

Z: BUT… THAT is to the untrained eye! To a trained one such as my own, (He indicates to his eyes) it was *obvious*. The broomstick CARRIED that match.

 

Ben: I see. Is this all you wanted to say?

 

Z: Not quite. While watching Mr. Flesher deliver his promo, I could not help but notice a *slight* ego problem.

 

Ben: Really?

 

Z: In my experience, there is only one way to deal with those types. Gimmie a sec’, will ya?

 

(As Ben looks on, Z turns around and ties something around his head. He spins back to face the camera, with a yellow bandanna tied around his head with the words “Z RULESZ” written in red crayon, as childishly as you can imagine.)

 

Z (Speaking in a fake, deep, overbearing voice): FEE-FI-FO-FUM. It’s been *three* long days, and finally, the time has come, man! Let me tell ya’ something Flesher, brother, there ain’t no scratches, no scars, and no blemishes on the Z-sters body, brother! But, deep inside, there IS a scar, a scar I’ve had to live with for THREE LONG DAYS! Everywhere I go, brother, all the little Z-sters have bee asking me “Is it really true Z? didja really not beat Reaper and Cutthroat? Is it true that you just won by accident?”

Well on Crimson, with the whole world watching, man! I’m gonna prove that I actually CAN win a match! And all the little Z-sters, their gonna feel it too…

 

(Z pauses, doing some over exaggerated deep breathing.)

 

Ben: Right. So will that be—

 

(Suddenly, Z reaches out, and grabs the microphone from Ben’s hands!)

 

Z: The #### it is, brother! Have you seen the fear in their eyes!? Have you seen the fear in all of the little Z-sters eyes!? Cause’ they know what’s gonna happen when the 24 INCH PYTHON—(Z Flexes his arm to illustrate. He quickly glances down.) err, THE ELEVEN INCH PYTHONS wrap themselves around Tom Flesher’s neck, brother! And when I get Tom all cinched up in the `hoss position! When I slam him through the table, man! When I slam him all the way from Sydney to Melbourne, something else is gonna happen, brother! (Z starts Rambling, and using vivid hand motions.) The fault lines are open, and as Tom Flesher falls to the Pacific Ocean, he’s gonna reach out! And he’s gonna grab the edge of a cliff, brother! He’s gonna look down see the Pacific rushin’ up to him, and THANK GAWD that, deep down, Flesher will realize HE is a Z-A-MANIAC! And when he gives up his material possessions, his cars, his women, his ego, and he’s gonna look up and he’s gonna say “Help me, Z! Oh, please, help me!” And when he realizes that, when he says that, the he can JUST CLIMB ON THE BIGGEST BAC IN THE WORLD BROTHER!! (Z turns and jerks his thumbs behind him at his jacket covered back.) And I’ll butterfly us, no, DOGGIEPADDLE US to safety! BUT… until then, Tom Flesher, you just need to ask yourself one question… WHAT ‘CHU GONNA DO WHEN ALPHABETMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!?!?

 

Ben: Oh. My. God.

 

Z: Rrrrrr! (Z goes through all of Hogan’s ludicrous poses.)

 

Ben: Well… uh, yes. This really should strike fear into the heart of Tom Flesher. So, from the locker room, I’m—

 

Z: Rrrrrrr!

 

Ben (glowers): I’m Ben Hardy.

 

(The camera fades with the image of Z growling with effort as he tries to rip his Smiley Face T-shirt in half.)

------------------------------------------------------------

This promo is based off of one of Hogan’s actual one’s, which makes it all that more surreal. For added humor, get a tape of WM IV, watch the promo, and imagine Z going through ALL of Hogan’s mannerisims.

[Guest ErekT2k]

LMAO! You're too much! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

Z, that was funny, IMO.

 

And my opinion isn't much because I think that Santa Claus is funny looking.....

 

Yes, I have problems.

[Guest Shawn]

"Z: It’s the fact he doesn’t want to carry me!"

 

LMAO!!!! Z Kicks ass!!!

 

Shawn "laughing his ass off" B

[Guest Ace309]

hehe I knew I was in for something good when you asked me to cut a promo, but ####. That was amazing. Good show, old chap.

 

(PROMO mode: ON)

 

I mean... erm...

 

WHAT THE #### DO YOU MEAN, the broomstick was a ***1/3-star match? That match was at least ****3/4, maybe ****7/8. (The reverse chinlock in the middle took away from it... sorry, but the broom needed a rest.)

 

Oh, you're just asking for it now, you little punk. Sure, you can come out for Metal... but the table's gonna look twice as good as you do.

 

And you better believe all my fans across Australia are going to be out, chanting "FLESH - ER, FLESH - ER!" over and over again while some toddler tries to remember what the last letter of the alphabet is, and then starts crying when his mom says "Z."

 

(PROMO mode: OFF)

 

I'm really looking forward to this match.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Dude, you guys rock.  Heh.  I'm really enjoying these.

[Guest Chaos]

Dammit!  These n00bs can go job themselves!  I thought it was enough before, but this...........

 

 

Making us un-n00bs look bad......... with their good matches....... and their hilarious promos........ IT"S NOT FAIR!!  IT'S JUST...... NOT....... AAAAHHHHHH!!

 

*runs off into the wilderness*

[Guest Suicide King]

I like Z.

 

That will be all.