The SmartMarks Worst 100 Movies Of All Time

[Guest Zack Malibu]

OK, here's the deal. The IMDB list obviously has some issues with it, namely that a lot of big budget productions made the cut, but the true suckfests that should have been on there, weren't. Nevermind bashing Rollerball for stinking up theaters. Forget that Mariah Carey's effort as a lead actress in glitter sucked the meat missle. Here in this thread, we're going to show love for those movies that DESERVE to see the bottom of the barrell, worst 100 list.

 

The rules:

Any movie is fair game. If you're posting movies that you feel most of us have probably never seen, try to give a good description of it, or at least a link to some info on it. Post as many nominees as you want, and if we go over 100 quickly, we'll wain out what should stay on the list and what can go and be spared.

 

My nominees thus far:

Blackbelt 2:Fatal Force-otherwise known as Spyder, according to IMDB. Looks like this was made in the late 80's, but sat on the shelf until being repackaged in 1991-92. The first Blackbelt was a good B-movie actioner with Don Wilson hired to protect a singer from a psycho stalker. This one has no tie-in. Basically, it's a mish-mash of a plot. Cop Brad Spyder journeys to Hawaii to avenge his partner's death. His partner headed to Hawaii to find his long lost brother, who called him out of the blue at home(!) after being thought dead in Vietnam (so how the fuck did he know this guys house #?). The tie-in is that the group of mercenaries hired to find POW's is a fraud, and they used the brother (who is a junkie) to lie to rich guy Pendleton, who thinks his son is still alive. Spyder figures out the group is responsible for the murder of his partner, and goes all Rambo on them. The rich guy finds out he's being played for a fool, and from then on it's war. Also, you figure a movie called Blackbelt would have karate in it, right? There's maybe 2 or 3 martial arts scenes, and the rest is all gunplay/fisticuffs.

 

Why do I own this? It was $3 at WalMart. Oh, and it was made by Roger Corman.

[Guest DawnBTVS]

My Nominees:

 

Kazaam Starring Shaq.

Kazaam(IMDB)

 

Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 Starring John Travolta

Battlefield Earth(IMDB)

 

Baby Geniuses Starring Christopher Lloyd

Baby Geniuses

 

Speed 2: Cruise Control Starring Sandra Bullock

Speed 2(IMDB)

 

Clifford Starring Martin Short

Clifford(IMDB)

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

I nominate The Coroner

I tried to find some info on it so I could list who it stars and when it was released, but I found nothing, which is somewhat telling. Anyway, we've all seen the concept before. Take a profession a lot of people are apprehensive about, make them a killer, and you've got a horror movie. The Dentist, Dr. Giggles... these are entertaining flicks. The Coroner is not. For one, it looks as though it was shot on camcorder, and it very well might have been. Every aspect of the production values is so terrible. Not quite Manos terrible, but nearing that level. Not only that, this presents itself as a splatter movie, but there's pretty much no gore. Probably because they couldn't afford it. So basically what you're left with is something that resembles a Mexican soap opera about a serial killer, with no gore, no plot to speak of, and no redeeming values. Suck.

 

edit: DawnBTVS, I thoroughly enjoyed all of your nominations.

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

Hey, Little Monsters so totally owns you all!

 

Backyard Dogs

 

Zombie Chronicles

 

Black Mask 2: City Of Masks

 

RoboCop 3 (my thoughts on this piece of shit are known)

[Guest Will Scarlet]

I nominate Josie & The Pussycats. It had to be worst movie I have ever sat through.

[Guest Justwitty]

Nothing But Trouble

 

I don't think I've ever felt like I wasted more of my time than when I watched this piece of crap. (I didn't even bother finishing it...30 minutes was more than enough.)

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

Josie & The Pussycats was actually a really good satire on pop-culture if you bothered to sit through it to the end.

 

Nothing But Trouble is that dumbass movie with Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy, and Dan Aykroyd, right? Am I REALLY the only person that liked that movie?!

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Nothing but Trouble wasn't great, but I thought it was ok. Looks as if we'll be having as much dispute about this list as the imdb one.

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

Batman & Robin

 

Speed 2: Cruise Control

 

Best of the Best 3: No Turning Back

 

Best of the Best: Without Warning

 

Phillip Rhee...I hate you!

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Red Blooded American Girl II(Known amonst the two friends of mine that saw it with me as the "Paulie gets his nuts blown off movie.")

 

Ragin' Cajun

 

A vietnam vet finds himself through country music, but must revert to his murderous army ways to free his girlfriend from Dr. Death. Not Steve Williams, but Rick Zumwalt does appear.

 

Keaton's Cop

 

Lee Majors and Abe Vigoda star in 48 Hours.

 

Those are just three I thought of realy quick. I'll probably have some more later.

[Guest Banky]

Hey, is someone dissing a Chevy Chase movie? For shame!

 

My nomination is National Lampoons Last Resort. That movie fucking sucked. M'laday bought it for 4 bucks at our local grocery store, well I kinda forced her to but thats beside the point. BUT even though it was the most horrid movie I've ever seen, it holds a spot in my heart because its the last Corey and Corey movie. Sad sad. So its not that worst movie of all-time so......

 

*drumroll*

 

The winner goes to XXX!!!

 

*boooos*

 

Yes that movie was painful to sit through. From the uncool stereotypes to the unfunny catch-phrases to the uncool, unfunny, and too unrealstic stunts. If you drive your Mustang fast, wear your Oakley sunglasses indoors, claim to like everything thats underground, and extreme sports - watch this movie. If you think this stuff is extremely tacky, stay away. You'll cringe at the uncoolness of it all.

[Guest Smell the ratings!!!]

I know we're not supposed to do big budget, but I could not pass up a shot at the all time worst movie I have ever seen:

 

Bless the Child (IMDB)

 

Where to start? The gang of adolescent demons? A "spooky kid"? Two of the all time hideous leads, Kim Basinger and Jimmy Smits? Christina Ricci in the single worst cameo of all time? What about the tag line? (Mankind's last hope just turned 6)

 

People think this movie isn't that bad. Yes, there is one good scene. Don't let it fool you! This isn't just the worst Apocalypse movie ever, this is the worst movie period. Seriously. Worse than Manos.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

Speaking of piss poor taglines, I quite disliked Signs'. "It's Not Like They Didn't Warn Us". What the fuck is that? That sounds like the tagline for Evolution or some sci fi comedy.

[Guest ISportsFan]

Santa with Muscles

 

Jason

[Guest CanadianChris]

There's only one worst movie of all time, and it is Plan 9 From Outer Space.

 

Honourable mentions to Manos, The Hands Of Fate, Leonard Part 6, Glen or Glenda, and every smark's favourite, the inimitable Santa With Muscles.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

I don't know how you can call Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst movie ever. It, like most of Wood's work, is so bad it's good. Regardless of how you get there, the result is that it's good. Among Wood's films alone, I would choose Orgy of the Dead as his worst.

[Guest CanadianChris]

I don't know how you can call Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst movie ever. It, like most of Wood's work, is so bad it's good. Regardless of how you get there, the result is that it's good. Among Wood's films alone, I would choose Orgy of the Dead as his worst.

I can't get into the whole "so bad it's good" thing. (One of the side effects of never having seen MST3K, I guess.) If I'm laughing when I watch a movie, I want to be laughing with it, not at it. Wood's movies are so bad they're HORRIBLE.

[Guest Hitman Jebus]

I nominate the SNL atrocities that were:

 

"It's Pat"

AND

"Superstar"

[Guest Mole]

National Security

XXX

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

"National Security" came out 2 Weeks Ago.

 

And although it was bad, I wouldn't put it in the "Worse Of All Time" Section.

[Guest starvenger]

I'm sure you guys already know these ones:

- Super Troopers

- Backyard Dogs

- Street Fighter: The Movie

[Guest Jack Tunney]

Bad Channels

 

The Doom Generation

[Guest godthedog]

I don't know how you can call Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst movie ever. It, like most of Wood's work, is so bad it's good. Regardless of how you get there, the result is that it's good. Among Wood's films alone, I would choose Orgy of the Dead as his worst.

I can't get into the whole "so bad it's good" thing. (One of the side effects of never having seen MST3K, I guess.) If I'm laughing when I watch a movie, I want to be laughing with it, not at it. Wood's movies are so bad they're HORRIBLE.

'plan 9' is NOT one of the worst movies ever made, because it is entertaining & relatively easy to sit through. despite the ludicrous plot, bad dialogue & lack of attention to detail, ed wood did have some genuine talent in pacing and rhythm, at least keeping things interesting. 'plan 9' does many things wrong, but it never lingers on a scene or point long enough to get boring. other b movies like 'tormented', 'manos', 'the brain that wouldn't die' or even wood's own 'glen or glenda' have huge problems with not moving things along in a timely or interesting way.

[Guest kane3212321]

Bio-Dome, most un-funny thing posing as a comedy I have ever seen in my life.

[Guest starvenger]

Bio-Dome, most un-funny thing posing as a comedy I have ever seen in my life.

I'm sure that the Carrot Top movie was less funny than Bio Dome, but seeing as I haven't seen either, I can't really pass judgement one way or another...

[Guest Si82]

Here's my pick:

 

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

 

Quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen.

 

OH. MY. GOD.

 

They appear to be making another one:

 

Mortal Kombat 3: Domination

 

May God have mercy on us all!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

NBT4:20, for once, we disagree...

 

I haven't seen Best of the Best 4, but part 3 was a decent movie IMO.

 

And how could you hate Phillip Rhee? Tommy Lee was frickin' great!

 

(for those who have seen BOTB movies, Tommy Lee was Rhee's character. I'm not referring to the "real" Tommy Lee.)

 

RatsMilk, I have seen The Coroner around, but never watched it. Just by looking at the box I agree with your nomination.

[Guest razazteca]

I liked Nothing but Trouble! it had Digital Underground in a cameo but Dan's nose as the old man did look like a penis.

 

I nominate DEEP RISING I was not a big deal since it was at the 3rd run cheap $1.50 theater but still it was a very disturbing event. The movie was a product of a director not knowing what to do with the movie it went in so many disburbing directions with stupid plot twist. 1st it had the plot of Speed 2 then it became a cheesy ghost ship psycho robot movie then they got off the boat and it became The Land That Time Forgot. And one of the actors had a stupid one liner U guys miss me

 

oh do I hate Treat Williams

[Guest nikowwf]

i nominate...

 

BLAIR WITCH 2

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

 

niko

[Guest notJames]

The Doom Generation

BOOOOO! (And no, I wasn't saying Boo-urns...)

 

Doom Generation falls under the category of "so bad it's good". I honsetly believe they went out and deliberately made an over-the-top movie with lots of schlocky acting and nonsensical cameos (Perry Farrell, Heidi Fleiss, Julie from Love Boat, Peter from The Brady Bunch, so I don't think it counts. Same goes for Plan 9...

 

Movies like Streetfighter and Batman and Robin apply because their intentions were to make big blockbuster movies that were actually good. That's why they failed.

 

Besides, lots of gooseflesh from Rose McGowan gets an AMEN~! from me anytime. For more, I suggest you check out Going All the Way. Lots of naked goodness. Yum yum! And it's got good acting from Jeremy Davies. Too bad it also has Ben Affleck.