The SmartMarks Worst 100 Movies Of All Time

[Guest Downhome]

Left Behind

 

Peral Harbor

 

The Ninth Gate

 

Jakob the Liar

 

Lost Souls

[Guest Jack Tunney]

The Doom Generation

BOOOOO! (And no, I wasn't saying Boo-urns...)

 

Doom Generation falls under the category of "so bad it's good". I honsetly believe they went out and deliberately made an over-the-top movie with lots of schlocky acting and nonsensical cameos (Perry Farrell, Heidi Fleiss, Julie from Love Boat, Peter from The Brady Bunch, so I don't think it counts. Same goes for Plan 9...

 

Well I did watch it everytime it came on Sundance even though I knew how bad it was,so maybe you have a point.But still,after the 5th time I heard "666" I felt like screaming,"AHHHHH,I GET IT!!!!666!!I GET IT!!!"

[Guest C.H.U.D.]

It's hard to specify certain bad movies, so I will nominate the worst, big budget movie, where I felt millions of dollars were wasted making absolute garbage. Let's not even get into the A-List actors involved in making this film.

 

The Avengers

 

Yes, $60 million dollars was actually spent making this film.

[Guest notJames]

The Doom Generation

BOOOOO! (And no, I wasn't saying Boo-urns...)

 

Doom Generation falls under the category of "so bad it's good". I honsetly believe they went out and deliberately made an over-the-top movie with lots of schlocky acting and nonsensical cameos (Perry Farrell, Heidi Fleiss, Julie from Love Boat, Peter from The Brady Bunch, so I don't think it counts. Same goes for Plan 9...

 

Well I did watch it everytime it came on Sundance even though I knew how bad it was,so maybe you have a point.But still,after the 5th time I heard "666" I felt like screaming,"AHHHHH,I GET IT!!!!666!!I GET IT!!!"

Yeah, I know. Talk about sledgehammer of plot. And they were never EVER subtle about it. The cash register bit ($6.66) was soooo bad...

[Guest crandamaniac]

Rollerball --The 2nd version of it. It was just plain crap. Bad acting, bad camera work, just bad all around. First movie ever I've walked out on in the theater

[Guest spiny norman]

Downhome, I wouldn't say Pearl Harbor as one of the worst movies of all time. It was just another war movie, plot-less, patriotic. At least it wasn't pretentious enough to act like it was a masterpiece and "what war is *really* like" of the abomination that is Saving Private Ryan.

 

I would be almost willing to put that as the worst just for the buildup and the way it's meant to be *the* war movie.

 

Also, Chicken Park, only movie I've had to turn off halfway through because it was just so offensive and unfunny.

 

And I know it's popular here, but I truly hated Spaceballs. I was just amazed by how unfunny it was.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Everyone was bitching about the imdb list having fairly run of the mill bad movies and how there were far worst more obscure junk out there and most everyone here is just throwing up the same mainstream names and films that are notorious for being bad, like the Doom Generation and Plan 9. If you're going to proclaim how much you know about bad, off beat movies then prove it. The three I listed previously are not only horrible, but I doubt many have seen them unless you troll HBO and Cinemax at 2 in the morning back in the mid-ninties. I'm not saying that these movies aren't bad, but don't criticize picks and then pick the exact same movies.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

North. I'm surprised this hasn't been nominated already

Lake Placid

Wing Commander

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

I echo Deacon's point. There's not much reason to list movies everyone knows are bad already.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

How about Night Patrol. It was a terribly unfunny Police Academy ripoff starring Linda Blair, Billy Barty, and The Unknown Comic of Gong Show fame. Every joke in that movie was stupid and fell flat, like how the two cops were named Clark and Kent, and Linda Blair was "Sue Perman".

 

Gag.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I've seen Night Patrol. USA Up All-Night if memory serves. They were great for crap B flicks. Night Flight before them was great for just weird out there junk you never see.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Ah, USA Up All Night. Where many a weekend was spent watching Revenge of the Teenage Vixens From Outer Space, The Toxic Avenger, Vegas In Space, or one of the Angel movies.

[Guest razazteca]

I remember the USA Up All Night shows that had great movies like H.O.T.S and Vice Academy almost every week.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Everyone was bitching about the imdb list having fairly run of the mill bad movies and how there were far worst more obscure junk out there and most everyone here is just throwing up the same mainstream names and films that are notorious for being bad, like the Doom Generation and Plan 9. If you're going to proclaim how much you know about bad, off beat movies then prove it. The three I listed previously are not only horrible, but I doubt many have seen them unless you troll HBO and Cinemax at 2 in the morning back in the mid-ninties. I'm not saying that these movies aren't bad, but don't criticize picks and then pick the exact same movies.

I agree with this, but the problem with mentioning too many obscure movies is that, well, they're obscure. Not to mention there are differing levels of "obscurity" - there are undoubtedly many many "worse" movies that even I haven't heard of (note: I'm not professing myself as the be all end all of bad obscure films), so... dammit I had a point. Then again, so did you. To hell with it; obscure or no, say why a movie is the "worst" to you. It can be as simple as "I don't like such and such film".

 

Now then... a few contributions from me:

Monster A-Go Go! - one of the few films I've seen from IMDb's Bottom 100 that deserves its spot. Herschell Gordon Lewis is known for two things - pioneering gore and awful dialogue. Well, this film is a Herschell Gordon Lewis film without gore. That's right, none; it's totally clean. Even this would be OK in and of itself since the monster is pretty cool (the common "he looks like some guy with oatmeal on his head" complaint would hold up if it were a color film, but black and white does wonders for covering up cheap special make-up/effects in my book), except for one small problem... the monster is literally only clearly visible in ONE SHOT. One shot in the entire film! The rest is either clumsy "monster's eye view" shots or blurry/poorly shot silhouettes. No gore, no monster. Just pure HGL dialogue. It's agony, and for me to say a film is agony... the film is barely an hour in length, but it's taken YEARS off my life. Never have I seen a film drag so much.

 

Pretty Woman - It's no secret that I hate Julia Roberts, and also no secret that I don't look too fondly on romantic comedies either, so forgive my intense bias, but this was just too much. Think of every cliche in the Cinderella story, does it in a blender, and overdraw it, and what do you get? One of the most beloved, overrated films in cinematic history. Now, if this were just overrated I wouldn't mention it in this thread, but to quote Roger Ebert: "I hated hated hated hated hated HATED this movie!" I didn't believe Vivian's situation for a second; no matter how charismatic you are, finding one person, let alone several, who will help you out of the blue, especially when you're just some no name hooker, is complete and utter bullshit. Despite the fact that Richard Gere's character was named Edward, I still couldn't even muster up this basic egotistical love for him. He had about as much charisma as a rock. That and it just drags. See Julia get this. See Julia get that. I found no conflict or climax, but then that's probably because I fell asleep at an hour forty-five due to a lack of ANYTHING of interest. Yes Julia, I'm aware you have to be put over in every movie ever made. Yes Julia, I'm aware you're "beautiful" (*cough* UNCREDITED body double Shelley Michelle should get the credit for this one, since I sure as hell don't dig Roberts' grotesque smile). Yes Julia, I'm aware you're beloved by millions of people for some reason. Fuck you Julia, you don't have to rub it in my face for two hours with such a trite, boring movies.

 

Damn... where's this energy when I'm writing my columns? I'll probably chime in again later, maybe even respond to some of the comments made against some of my movies (Plan 9 from Outer Space perhaps?).

[Guest Prototype450]

What about Fakin The Funk?

That movie was so bad it was bad. It was funny then it got unfunny after 15 minutes.

It was about some Asian kid who was adopted and lived in South Central L.A.

 

Hey where's Chill Factor?

That has to be the most GOD AWFUL buddy action movie ever. Hey let's have a drifter dude take an ice cream driver hostage just so he can deliver some ICE CUBE BOMB thing before it gets to hot. Or was it too cold?

[Guest Downhome]

Downhome, I wouldn't say Pearl Harbor as one of the worst movies of all time. It was just another war movie, plot-less, patriotic. At least it wasn't pretentious enough to act like it was a masterpiece and "what war is *really* like" of the abomination that is Saving Private Ryan.

 

I would be almost willing to put that as the worst just for the buildup and the way it's meant to be *the* war movie.

If I began to list my reasons for calling it one of the worst films of all time, I would end up making this one hell of a long thread. It's pure and utter shit, in every way, with no redeming quality about it (other than it's "purty").

[Guest Jack Tunney]

I mentioned Bad Channels before,but has anyone seen it?

[Guest razazteca]

What about Fakin The Funk?

That movie was so bad it was bad. It was funny then it got unfunny after 15 minutes.

It was about some Asian kid who was adopted and lived in South Central L.A.

hmmm Margot Cho and Tatliana Ali can do no wrong in my eyes and I am glad that asian kid has never amounted to anything in Hollywood.

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

What about Fakin The Funk?

That movie was so bad it was bad.  It was funny then it got unfunny after 15 minutes.  

It was about some Asian kid who was adopted and lived in South Central L.A.

hmmm Margot Cho and Tatliana Ali can do no wrong in my eyes and I am glad that asian kid has never amounted to anything in Hollywood.

He was in "Biker Boyz"

 

Also, I liked "Fakin The Funk"

[Guest evenflowDDT]

I mentioned Bad Channels before,but has anyone seen it?

If you mean the Full Moon film where the alien takes over the radio station and shrinks people, I've seen it. Certainly not the worst Full Moon film, or even the worst "rock" film, although it does commit the cardinal sin of being an unfunny comedy.

[Guest Lil Naitch]

I kind of like "Nothing but Trouble"

And it really pissed me off in "Bless the Child" when they gave Christina Ricci top billing, and she has a grand total of about 10 minutes in the film. But it was an ok movie in my opinion.

[Guest notJames]

Pretty Woman - It's no secret that I hate Julia Roberts, and also no secret that I don't look too fondly on romantic comedies either, so forgive my intense bias, but this was just too much. Think of every cliche in the Cinderella story, does it in a blender, and overdraw it, and what do you get? One of the most beloved, overrated films in cinematic history. Now, if this were just overrated I wouldn't mention it in this thread, but to quote Roger Ebert: "I hated hated hated hated hated HATED this movie!" I didn't believe Vivian's situation for a second; no matter how charismatic you are, finding one person, let alone several, who will help you out of the blue, especially when you're just some no name hooker, is complete and utter bullshit. Despite the fact that Richard Gere's character was named Edward, I still couldn't even muster up this basic egotistical love for him. He had about as much charisma as a rock. That and it just drags. See Julia get this. See Julia get that. I found no conflict or climax, but then that's probably because I fell asleep at an hour forty-five due to a lack of ANYTHING of interest. Yes Julia, I'm aware you have to be put over in every movie ever made. Yes Julia, I'm aware you're "beautiful" (*cough* UNCREDITED body double Shelley Michelle should get the credit for this one, since I sure as hell don't dig Roberts' grotesque smile). Yes Julia, I'm aware you're beloved by millions of people for some reason. Fuck you Julia, you don't have to rub it in my face for two hours with such a trite, boring movies.

Ah, another person who shares my utter loathing of America's Sweetheart. You and I should get together and go bowling... with Julia's severed head.

 

[Guest Crazy Dan]

The last really terrible movie that I saw was Coyote Ugly. Man, talk about a movie having no idea of what type of film it wanted to be. The only redeming quality that it has is the hot chicks, but after five minutes they really started to bug. This movie was so "paint-by-numbers". I couldn't even finish watching it on HBO. This movie also got too predictable, as well when she sings to calm down a rowdy bar, that just takes the cake in stupidity.

 

Death to Smoochy was also pretty bad as well.

 

These two movies are what pops into my head, but I am sure there are plenty o' crappy films out there to go around.

[Guest godthedog]

i too remember the days of up all night, taking in the pleasures of 'bikini car wash'.

 

incidentally, anybody remember joe bob briggs' drive in theater? it used to play saturday nights on the movie channel when they played shit like 'bitter harvest' and 'hollywood chainsaw hookers'.

 

good times.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

I remember Joe Bob Brigg's drive in theater. Good shit. I was glad to hear he did a commentary for the I Spit on Your Grave dvd.

[Guest El Satanico]

I loved Joe Bob Briggs show. You don't see enough cheesy old horror movies late at night now so i was sad to see it go.

 

Also the many mentions of "___-Fu" on his grade of the movie ruled.

[Guest razazteca]

Joe Bob Briggs was on TNT for a while, I love the way he would do the stats for the movie like 239 bullets shot, 5 kills, 2 blonds.

[Guest Grand Slam]

The four worst movies I have ever seen...

 

Wing Commander

The Crow

City of Angels

 

and the winner...

 

She's Out of Control!!

[Guest Lil Naitch]

The last really terrible movie that I saw was Coyote Ugly. Man, talk about a movie having no idea of what type of film it wanted to be. The only redeming quality that it has is the hot chicks, but after five minutes they really started to bug. This movie was so "paint-by-numbers". I couldn't even finish watching it on HBO. This movie also got too predictable, as well when she sings to calm down a rowdy bar, that just takes the cake in stupidity.

I saw that in theaters for my best friends b.day. I had no problems with it, but her boyfriend at the time left about 5 minutes into it and spent the rest of the movie sitting in his car.

 

As for the worst movie I've ever seen, it goes, hads down, to Kingpin. If I hadn't seen it for free for another friends b.day, I would have walked out. I was more engrosed in the feud we had going with the guys in the row ahead of us than with the movie.

[Guest IDrinkRatsMilk]

The four worst movies I have ever seen...

 

Wing Commander

The Crow

City of Angels

 

and the winner...

 

She's Out of Control!!

Ironic that you placed City of Angels right after the Crow, as I consider Crow: City of Angels to be a worse movie than both of those.