Wrestlemania xiii

[Guest bob_barron]

Wrestlemania XIII

 

Live from Chicago. Your hosts are Vince, JR and King

 

Wrestlemania XIII is the first Wrestlemania where Vince didn’t try to top himself like he had all previous Wrestlemanias.

 

Video package highlighting UT-Sid, Bret-Austin and LOD/Ahmed-NOD

 

Todd Pettingill is with Blackjacks

 

The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) v. Headbangers v. Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon v. The New Blackjacks- winner gets title shot on RAW

 

THE STORYLINE- no clue

 

THE MATCH-Pier-8 brawl. HOG and Bradshaw start. HOG clotheslines him. HOG tags Thrasher. Bradshaw kicks his ass and tags HOG. Slugfest- and HOG gets back bodydrop. HOG tags Mosh and they play to the crowd. Mosh tags LaFon and Bangers kick his ass. LaFon comes back with suplex. Thrasher tags Windham and the French Canadians works him over and get a near fall. Windham comes back and tags Bradshaw. Furnas dropkicks Bradshaw out and tries to suplex him back in but Windham helps out. Canadians and Blackjacks fight and Blackjacks get DQed  for shoving ref and Canadians get counted out. Down to Godwinns-Bangers. PIG suplexes Thrasher whose skirt flies up. PIG tags HOG who works him over. HOG covers him for two and tags PIG. Spitfest and slugfest and PIG kicks his ass. Tag HOG. Splash-2. Tag Mosh and HOG clotheslines him out and goes out with him. Mosh makes it back in and they go to work on HOG getting some two counts. Tag Thrasher and they continue to beat on HOG. Moonsault misses. Mosh and PIG tag in and PIG cleans house and a pier-4 brawl erupts. Top-rope move onto HOG gets the win. Eh. *1/2

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW- All are out of WWF except for Bradshaw who is a tag title competitor.

 

Honky comes out to do commentary.

 

Rocky Maivia v. The Sultan (w/The Iron Shiek and Mr. Bob Backlund)

 

THE STORYLINE- This supposed to be Mero but he got hurt so Sultan was inserted.

 

THE MATCH- Tony Atlas is in the crowd with Cpt. Lou Albano. Shovefest and Rocky hammers away. Sultan gets a shoulderblock but Rocky kips up and lays in the dropkick. Sultan bails. They brawl on the outside- Rocky accidentally punches ringpost. Sultan kicks his ass. Rocky fights back but gets chocked and worked over. Top-rope headbutt gets two. Sunset flip by Rocky but he gets choked. Belly to belly-2. Sultan gets a chinlock and the Rocky Sucks chant start and the boring chants start. Rocky fights back and they both clothesline each other. Rocky covers for two. Rocky starts to smell what he’s cooking and hulks up and kicks Sultan’s ass. Belly to belly-2. Sultan goes to eyes but Rocky gets DDT. High crossbody- Shiek distracts ref. Sultan rises to attack but it doesn’t work. Sultan gets a thrust kick for two. Piledriver-2. Rocky is able to get a roll-up for the three. Sweet lord this sucked.  DUD JR tries to get a word with Rocky but heels kick Rocky’s ass. Rocky Johnson makes the save and gets his ass kicked but Rocky Maivia is able to save him and Rocky Johnson slams Backlund and daddy and son pose.

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW- Both faces in WWF, Rock is main eventing.

 

Todd talks to Ken Shamrock. Dok is with HHH and Chyna.

 

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna) v. Goldust (w/Marlena)

 

THE STORYLINE- They’ve been feuding since around RR and this muscular amazon showed up and attacked Marlena and Goldust has been out for REVENGA!~

 

THE MATCH-I hated the Goldust face turn. He was a much cooler heel. Goldust takes him down and kicks his ass. Goldust sends him to the outside and is actually pretty over.  Back in- Goldust continues the beating and HHH gets caught in ropes and Goldust beats on him some more. HHH comes back and uses his knee to take control. Goldust comes back with powerslam. Goldust goes up top, HHH tries to stop him and ends up throwing him to the outside. HOLY SHIT! Back in- HHH works him over and is able to get a two count. HHH stomps away and taunts Marlena. HHH with a neckbreaker for two. HHH with the abdominal stretch. HHH uses the ropes and gets caught and Goldust armdrags him but HHH uses the knee. HHH gets a chinlock and covers for some two counts. Goldust knees HHH’s stomach but HHH retains control. Kneedrop-2. Bodyslam by Goldust but HHH falls on him for two. Goldust crossbodies him for two. Double KO spot. HHH goes up top but Goldust butts him. HHH misses blind charge and Goldie slaps shit out of him. Backdrop by Goldust and HHH does Flair Flop. Bulldog gets two. Curtain Call by Goldust but HHH reverses and goes for Pedigree but HHH slingshots him and he walks into Curtain Call. Goldust saves Marlena from Chyna but HHH boots him and he knocks into Marlena who falls into Chyna who shakes him around. Goldust walks into a Pedigree. Way too long and quite boring. *

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW- HHH is main eventing, Goldust is hardcoring.

 

Owen Hart and British Bulldog v. Vader and Mankind (w/Paul Bearer) for the WWF Tag Titles

 

THE STORYLINE- There’s been dissension in both teams- especially in the Haer/DBS team.

 

THE MATCH-JR tries to stir up dissension between champs. Owen and Vader start. Lockup- Vader kicks his ass. Owen tries to clothesline him but gets a spin kick. Owen tries to use his speed and gets powerbombed. Vader goes for VaderBomb but DBS stops him and a pier-4 erupts. Mankind and DBS go and DBS kicks his ass. Vader runs in but gets suplexed. DBS and Mankind go again and DBS gets a chinlock. Crowd chants for Owen. Mankind breaks chinlock and Vader pulls down ropes sending DBS fleeing outside. DBS drop toe holds Mankind on outside but Vader bops him with urn. Vader suplexes him-two. Vader splashes him and hits middle rope splash-two. Tag Mankind. Mankind hammers away and rams his knee into him. Tag Vader. Vader continues to work on DBS. He goes up top and gets slammed down. He tags Owen who dropkicks Vader and misses BUTT splash by Vader. Crossbody by Owen-2. Vader is able to come back and they kick his ass too. Demolition Decapitation on the outside to Owen. Mankind tries to suplex him back in and they fight over a suplex. Owen gets hung on top rope and gets his ass kicked as Stu an Helen watch. Owen is able to get a DDT on Mankind but splash hits knees. It gets two for Mankind. Owen elbows Mankind and spin kicks him for two. Mankind tags Vader and Owen continues to get his ass kicked. Vader hammers away. Owen comes back with some kicks but Vader elbows him for two. Tag Mankind- they chuck Owen out. Owen belly to bellies Mankind on outside. Back in- Owen enziguris Mankind and tags DBS. DBS kicks ass. Mankind blocks running powerslam with Manidble Claw and a pier-4 erupts. Mankind claws DBS on the outside and a bullshit double countount results. Good Lord this bored me to tears. *1/2  

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW- Owen is dead, Mankind is retired, Vader is in Japan, DBS has personal problems

 

Video package of Hart-Austin.

 

Bret “Hitman” Hart v. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in a submission match

 

THE STORYLINE- Bret lost the belt at WMXII and took six months off. Throughout this Stone Cold was dissing him and causing a ruckus. Bret came back to fight him at Survivor Series and won but the feud was not settled. Ever since around the RR these guys have been going at it in like the best feud ever.

 

THE MATCH-Shamrock is guest ref. They punch the shit out of each other and Bret gets crotched on steel rail and clothesline and they brawl into the crowd. Austin beers him and kicks the shit out of him. Bret comes back and they continue to brawl. Austin goes for a piledriver and gets backdropped into the concrete and they brawl some more. Bret comes off the rail with an elbow but gets whipped hard into the rail. They brawl some more and Hart blocks stair shot with some more punches and they continue to kill each other and they finally make it into the ring. Bret kicks his ass and works on the knee. He misses a knee shot and quickly gets a Stunner but Bret goes back to the knee. Bret then does a ringpost figure four and the crowd goes batshit. Bret gets the ringbell and a chair and is about to Pillmanize him. He jumps off the top but waits too long and Austin smokes his ass with a chairshot. Bret then takes a wicked chairshot on the back. Whip to the buckle and he gets a hard suplex. Top-rope FU Elbow as JR disses WCW. Bret’s daughter cover her eyes as Austin gets a submission hold. ‘Break his neck’. Stu Hart looks concerned as Austin gets a Boston Crab to a big pop. Bret makes ropes. Austin goes for Sharpshooter but Bret goes for the eyes. “Hey wouldn’t be great to see Bret use the sharpshooter”. Vince: Hey it  could happen. Austin chucks Bret out to big boos. Austin gets whipped right into the announcers knocking everyone down. Austin hits guard rail and Bret beats his ass. Austin is busted and Bret kicks his ass. Austin of course taps a gusher and is bleeding all over the place and into next week as Bret kicks his ass. Bret gets the chair and chairs his knee. Austin blocks Sharpshooter with a rake to the face. Bret beats his ass with punches into the corner but Austin kicks him right in the balls. Austin takes him into corner and stomps a mudhole and walks it dry. Superplex by Austin. Austin gets a microphone cord and chokes him out. Bret grabs the ring bell and smacks him right in the face. Sharpshooter and Austin is screaming with blood pouring down his face. Austin almost breaks it but Bret keeps it applied as Austin is trying with all his heart to make the ropes. Austin passes out and Shamrock stops the match. Second best Wrestlemania match EVER.  ***** Bret goes back to work on Austin and draws huge boos so Shamrock waistlocks him down as the crowd goes hoarse. Mike Chioda tries to help Austin but KICK WHAM STUNNER to him. Austin walks to the back on one knee all on his own to an ‘Austin’ chant. Bret is now a heel and Austin is now a face based on one match. This match has so much history and changed the face of the WWF forever and is probably the reason why WWF was able to come back, beat and eventually take over WCW. This one match changed WWF history forever. I think someone should write a book based on this one match.

 

JR, Vince and King recap what we just saw. Todd is with Faarooq.

 

Nation of Domination (w/PG-13, Clarence Mason and D-Lo Brown) v. LOD and Ahmed Johnson in a Chicago Streetfight

 

THE STORYLINE- Faarooq arrived in 1996 and began assembling his NOD and taking out Ahmed Johnson. He accidentally punctured his kidney putting this feud on the backburner. When Ahmed came back all #### break loose and even the LOD returned to fight.

 

THE MATCH- LOD bring the kitchen sink with them. Cute. They all brawl- Lod clean house. PG-13 and D-Lo get their asses kicked. Savio gets lowblowed but Hawk gets double teamed. Animal takes a nightstick shot from Faarooq. Ahmed does a somersault plancha over the rail onto Crush as Farrooq gets a garbage can shot. Ahmed beats up Crush. Hawk tries to hit Savio with a board but he bails. Animal and Faarooq brawl on announce table and Animal botches a piledriver. The NOD beat on Ahmed and Hawk.  A fire extinguisher gets involved and the NOD ram Hawk into a street sign. Savio and Ahmed both get trashanned. Ahmed trashcans Faarooq and slams him through a table. Savio superkicks him but Animal trashcans him. A fire extinguisher and garbage can gets used again. Savio chokes Ahmed out with rope and Hawk gets rammed into trashcan. D-Lo and Clarence pull on the rope. Hawk double clotheslines the NOD. Ahmed extricates himself from noose and ballshots D-Lo. Crush gets hit with street sign. Hawk gets hanged now and the NOD beat on Ahmed. Faarooq comes off top but gets chuckrd down by Hawk and Savio beats him with a nightstick. Hawk and Savio brawl. The NOD beat on everyone.  Crush gets fire extinguished. D-Lo beats on Ahmed. LOD give Crush the Doomsday Device and they whack him with 2x4 for the win. *** Fun little chaotic brawl. Post-match  PG-13 get Doomsday Deviced and D-Lo gets Pearl Rivered Plunged.

 

JR, Vince and King mention HBK being here for commentary and here he comes. HBK basically wastes everyone’s time by being a showboat. Todd is with Sid.

 

Sycho Sid v. The Undertaker for the WWF Title

 

THE STORYLINE- I have no idea which is very sad.

 

THE MATCH-Staredown and here comes Bret Hart. Of course HBK ranks on him. Bret taunts HBK, ends his friendship with Taker and yells at Sid. Message to HBK: When Bret is talking, shut up. When he pauses- chime in. Sid punches him and powerbombs his ass. Taker attacks Sid as he yells at Bret. Sid comes back but eats boot on blind charge. Taker goes to work on hammers away. Taker splashes him in the corner. Slam by Taker-2. Taker kicks it Old School but gets bearhugged trying for a splash. Sid breaks it and hammers away and goes back to bearhug- Taker claps his ears but eats boot. Sid clotheslines him out and boots him into Spanish Announce Table. Taker gets dumped on rail twice and rammed on table. This match is no holds barred. Back in- Sid works him over. Taker fights back and hammers away. Sid comes back with powerslam-2. He covers twice more for two. Legdrop-two. Cover-two. Sid bites him or something but Taker comes back with flying clothesline. Sid works him over in corner but Taker headbutss him out and they brawl on the outside. Taker wins but misses legdrop back in. Sid goes for chinlock. Taker fights back with hard body shots and gets a slam. It gets two. Sid comes back but Taker clotheslines him for two. Double boot- both out. Sid covers for two and hammers away. Sid comes off the top with some sort of punch thing and hits a sort-of clothesline from the top. It gets two. Taker comes back with some boots but Sid rakes his face and slams him. Sid goes up top as Taker does zombie situp. Sid gets crotched on top and Taker throws him off top. Taker goes up top and hits flying clothesline for two. Tombstone- Sid reverses and hits one of his own. It gets two. Sid chucks Taker out and they brawl on the outside. Bret Hart comes back and chairs Sid. I guess HBK needed more material. Taker rams Sid into post and chokeslams him for two. Sid avoids Taker and goes for powerbomb. Bret comes back AGAIN. Sid kicks his ass but walks into tombstone. Taker wins the title. Well this sucked. ½* This was supposed to set up Bret v. Sid at next PPV but Sid got all weird or something and it was changed.  Taker’s celebration is pretty cool.

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW- injured, demanding respect

 

The Bottom Line- Except for two matches this show is a dead, boring lifeless show that makes you realise why WCW was kicking their ass then. BUT- Austin v. Bret is such a historical match that it is required viewing for every wrestling fan. Cause Stone Cold Said So has the match but its clipped a bit and I recommend you see the whole thing.

 

Mildly Recommended