Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 4, 2003 As many of you know, I recently made the decision not to join the Air Force after going so far as to process completely and take the enlistment oath. I likened it to awaking from a deep slumber and suddenly realizing that I'd made a terrible mistake while asleep, but I think that's inaccurate. It was more like the sort of panicky feeling a lot of guys get when they discover tampons in their house: "Oh my god, I have to get out of this." So I got out of it. It was just the latest in a long series of poorly thought out decisions that have colored and basically destroyed my life up to this point. My grandparents, with whom I've been living for the last four months, are so fed up with my indecision that they're threatening to boot me the fuck out of their house if I don't get my shit together and move out of my own volition soon. An ex-girlfriend is currently trying to set me up with cheap lodging in a college town called Asheville a few hours away and I have every reason to believe that she'll be able to. I made an important decision when I opted to move to Asheville rather than join the military: I chose to be poor-ass broke. I chose to live hand-to-mouth. I chose to not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I have $1,100 to my name. I'll have a job, sure, but even with a job, rent, utitilies, car payments, insurance, food...that shit piles up. I can't afford to go to school! I'm fucking poor. What have I done? My god, what have I done? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted February 4, 2003 I'll bring a CARE package. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Eyeball Kid Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Look at it this way: the beggar's life will build character. Military life would, too, I suppose, but living in poverty in Asheville lacks the whole dying in Iraq, I think. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted February 4, 2003 *looks at wallet and blows dust out of it* Dude, If anyone should have started a whiny "I don't have any money" thread, its me. As a suggestion, you should set up one of those internet beggar sites. Come up with a good reason why idiot people should send you money and chances are they will. *goes and registers www.helpoutmarvin.com* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 4, 2003 How do you do it, Marvin? How do you exist on nothing? What's your rent? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ravenbomb Report post Posted February 4, 2003 try whoring yourself, that works for me-uh...some guy I know, his name is Jimmy...Bo...Bob Frank Dave...Jeff...yeah, his name is Jimmy Bo Bob Frank Dave Jeff. He's from the South. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Let's help this man out, damnit! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted February 4, 2003 I have nothing because I paid all my expenses for the month. When I get paid again (2 times this month), 98% of that money will pay expenses for this month. That other 2% (which amounts to about $20) is all I have for free spending for a month usually. Its fun to only have about $20 to spend freely on whatever I want to. I had a lot of money last month because of Christmas. I splurged on stuff when I probably should have saved some of it. Now Im broke again. For extra income to spend on something I just gotta have, I've been selling stuff on Ebay. Im gonna have to sell some more stuff.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted February 4, 2003 I lived out of a backpack for basically a couple months, once. My dad and I got in a romper-stomper of a fight, I scraped up every shred of money I had, which came up to about $200, I packed a bookbag full of clothes, a notebook, a few pens, and a couple other odds and ends, and I just left. I ended up at a buddy's house, and crashed out on his couch for the first week or so, drinking Mad Dog 20/20 and watching porn. I didn't even bother calling home until I was gone for quite a while, and later came home while my dad was at work to say hey to my mom, eat a decent meal, and get cleaned up a little. I left again right after that, and bought a bunch of acid, and basically went on this bizarre odyssey of drugs, writing down shit I was thinking (most of which I later classified as unintelligible crap, but a few weird lines I wrote stood out as pretty decent), I slept in parks a couple times, ended up at random people's houses, etc. I didn't do that bad, as far as being a total and complete bum goes. Eventually I just gave up on it, after realizing I was doing nothing, and went home, after being gone for more or less one and a half to two months, maybe going home on average, a couple hours per week. It was fuckin' strange, let me tell you. The trick to it is to never sit still, once you do that, you turn this horrible unblinking eye upon your self, and go into this catatonic state of self-analysis, where you can't possibly see yourself ever being satisfied with anything you do, no matter how hard you try. After that, the bitter unending apathy of your own existence sweeps over you like lukewarm realization that you'll end up just like your father, no matter how hard you try to avoid it, and even worse, that the harder you try, the more you realize he did the same thing with his old man, and ended up just like him. I doubt you're going into this with the same family dynamic that I have, but if that's the case, the previous statements are what you have to look forward to if you sit down long enough to think. Avoid that, keep moving, and the time will fly by. Just do everything in your power to keep from getting disinterested. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Coffey Report post Posted February 4, 2003 As many of you know, I recently made the decision not to join the Air Force after going so far as to process completely and take the enlistment oath. I likened it to awaking from a deep slumber and suddenly realizing that I'd made a terrible mistake while asleep, but I think that's inaccurate. It was more like the sort of panicky feeling a lot of guys get when they discover tampons in their house: "Oh my god, I have to get out of this." So I got out of it. It was just the latest in a long series of poorly thought out decisions that have colored and basically destroyed my life up to this point. My grandparents, with whom I've been living for the last four months, are so fed up with my indecision that they're threatening to boot me the fuck out of their house if I don't get my shit together and move out of my own volition soon. An ex-girlfriend is currently trying to set me up with cheap lodging in a college town called Asheville a few hours away and I have every reason to believe that she'll be able to. I made an important decision when I opted to move to Asheville rather than join the military: I chose to be poor-ass broke. I chose to live hand-to-mouth. I chose to not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I have $1,100 to my name. I'll have a job, sure, but even with a job, rent, utitilies, car payments, insurance, food...that shit piles up. I can't afford to go to school! I'm fucking poor. What have I done? My god, what have I done? Duud, the government will pay for your college. Shit, you can get tons of money just from random things. $1000 for being left handed. Shit like that. Besides, it's after college that you should worry about the debt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SP-1 Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Kinetic, you may be eligible for FAFSA or other Federal Aid for college, like Jago mentioned above. That's how I'm aiming to pay for college. It may not pick up the whole bill, but it can probably handle enough that you can work too and get it done. Some colleges will let you pay along and along through the year. The trick is to keep breathing. Not to slow down but to keep moving and doing something. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sandman9000 Report post Posted February 4, 2003 When in doubt, rob a convenience store. In fact, since there is one right across the street from my dorm and I need some extra pocket change... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Eyeball Kid Report post Posted February 4, 2003 That student loan thing occured to me last night. Shit, it's how I survive college, and I fear the day when I graduate and have to start paying it all back. Also, seeing as how you have little-to-no means of support, getting aid should come fairly easy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hardyz1 Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Hell, I'm going through college without spending any of my money on tuition. I just pay for books. I'll have about $7,000 in student loans to pay back, but that's it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 4, 2003 UPDATE: Danny, Your Dad and I were so sorry to hear that we have all been fooled by you and every plan you had was a farce. Your dad is going to find out what we need to do to get you over here ASAP. You will get a job and go to school. You will help us pay to ship the car over. That is the least you can do. You will live with us for a while then when you have enough money we will help you get an apartment on the economy. You have a great deal of growing up to do son. We are also going to see about getting you in therapy for what seems to be a Social Anxiety Disorder. You have no say in this son. You have burned your bridges there. We love you and want the best for you. I guess you just need our help for awhile longer. Please write us back and let us know where your mind is. Love, Mom and Dad Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest crandamaniac Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Dont get mad at this, but is that a good thing or a bad thing? I mean it sounds like they're wanting to help you out, but then again they did come down pretty heavy handed on you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Eyeball Kid Report post Posted February 4, 2003 You've got yourself a memoir/novel in the making, Kinetic. So what about going to school sans parental help? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SP-1 Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Kinetic, if you go through something like FAFSA, you don't have to pay it back at all. Pell grants and the like. At least, that's what I have been told. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Austin3164life Report post Posted February 4, 2003 Shouldnt've joined the military. It's a waste of time. Could've gone to college, gotten a good MBA, start out with a nice 60K a year and eventually you'll be able to retire by the time you're fifty.....or not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Superstar Report post Posted February 5, 2003 Kinetic, you could always ask Big Poppa Popick for money. With his bank account, he saved TSM! And Flyboy, please stop doing nothing but whoring Smarktalk. It gets annoying. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sassquatch Report post Posted February 5, 2003 I had a cousin who was in almost the same situation you currently are. He went to community college for 4 years. Too bad the community colleges only allow you to stay for 2 years. My cousin had no idea what he was going to do but each time he would come up with something, he would just go back to the drawing board and discard what he said he was going to do. He said he wanted to be a mechanic, an architect, a robotics expert, a bouncer, a police officer, a fireman, a taxi driver, with the last one being a male porn star. My kid brother and I stood by him and did everything we could to help him out. His girlfriend, who he wanted to marry, was 4 years younger than he was so she couldn't really understand just how fucked up his life was at that point since she was actually on track with her plans in life. Sadly the relationship all came to an end when my cousin got his girlfriend pregnant and rather than have the baby, which would have been impossible with their living conditions, they had an abortion which led to them breaking up. The knife in the heart for my cousin was when she told him that she had felt like a part of her had been taken away which she blamed him for due to him having a dick which killed him since my cousin was a wreck at this point. After this all went down, my cousin and I lost touch and we didn't speak again for 4 months which felt like years due to the situation. For my aunt, it was a blessing. She no longer had to deal with him any more and his "flip flopping" of goals in life where he would try to find a career for himself, only to change it to something else and in the process, waste her hard earned money. Money was no problem for my aunt since she had remarried a wealthy Italian entrepreneur who would visit her twice a year with only the intention of giving her some money so she would be happy and make it seem as if he cared about the family he never wanted. This was also a problem for my cousin since he never really had a male role model to look up to since the other older males in my family were either too drunk or stoned to care about him or anyone else in our family. When I finally did get in touch with him, it was my aunt who I was speaking to about him. I was happy for maybe a second until she had told me she was at a hospital. She had told me that my cousin had tried to kill himself by taking a combination of different pills and that she found him on the brink of death when she got home to see her son lying on the floor of their house. I come from a family where substance abuse is very common. Nearly every one of my family members was alcoholics and/or drug users. I have buried more relatives and family members than I would like to remember. I too have an addictive personality which made my life a living Hell a couple years ago and also earned me some jail time which I am not proud of. But the one thing in my family that I could take solace in was how my dad, a raging alcoholic at one point in his life who we had all thought was hopeless, had overcome his demons when it had looked like the chips were down and has been sober now for over 10 years. No matter how bad things got in my house while my dad was a raging drunk (and thing were very bad at times since he was bigger than any of us at the time), the family stood by him and saw him through his troubles regardless of how many times he would lie to us or go into a relapse and start drinking again with the consequences being even more sever than last time. When I had found out that my cousin had tried to kill himself, I became angry. I was angry at my family for writing him off after having stood by my dad and uncles, who were bigger fuck up's in which my cousin could never match in the slightest of any ways. My cousin had his highs and lows, with the lows being more frequent than the highs, but he had still tried to keep his life in order and through all the shit he went through, he still had the desire to make something out of himself rather than be another family disgrace. Unfortunately my cousin will never have the opportunity to try and make something out of him. He died on the operating table as his body just wasn't able to make it with all the shit he had in him. He was 23 years old and still had entire lifetime ahead of him. He was my best friend and someone that I looked up to when I was younger and in need of guidance. My advice to you is this Kinetic: You don't know what you want to do with your life and that happens to people at your age as was evidenced by my cousin when he got out of high school. You tried to follow through on what you thought were goals you could follow through on but the truth is, you missed your mark and now you are back at square one which is being confused and lost about what you want to do with your life. It's time for you to let your parents try to help you out and guide you in the right path so that you don't end up in a shitty environment and your along with pushing 30. You will not be easily persuaded by what your parents have to say most likely but at this point, what do you have to lose? Nothing. Let your parents see what they can do to help you out since you obviously have faltered at each one of your attempts to try and do something with your life and make it into a career for you to live off of. I wish my cousin would have had the same hard-nosed "now you screwed up so now it's our turn" type attitude that your parents have since it could have possibly helped my cousin not throw his life down the drains. You have a long life ahead of you but the only way you are going to make something worthwhile out of it for yourself is to start listening to what others have to say who have your best interest at heart and have possibly even been down the same road you currently are. Even though we have not spoken much since I came back to the Smarts, you have been one of the posters whose posts I have enjoyed reading immensely whenever possible. Good luck Danny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheZsaszHorsemen Report post Posted February 5, 2003 Kinetic, life is about choices, and the will to accept the ramifications of those choices. But what you've been offered isn't poverty. You have to find a job. You have to get your own place. You have to be able to support yourself. I'm not trying to preach, but this is something that everyone should be able to do after High School. You have to be willing to go an extra mile to succeed, I guess. I don't know, I ran out of sermons a long time ago. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted February 5, 2003 well you could of joined the military and purposely fail the test, forcing them to make you a cook at the mess hall or hospital. The Air Force is the easiest of all Armed Forces, all you would have to worry about is passing time with your office job. Its not like your going to be a basic grunt in the Marines or Army where you would have to sleep in the mud and enjoy it while trying to put out oil rig fires or being spit on by camels. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted February 5, 2003 get a student loan to go to school then get a easy job on campus like working at the library, bookstore, cafateria, computer lab, tudor.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 6, 2003 UPDATE: I guess I'm moving to Florida. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest godthedog Report post Posted February 6, 2003 I had a cousin who was in almost the same situation you currently are. He went to community college for 4 years. Too bad the community colleges only allow you to stay for 2 years. My cousin had no idea what he was going to do but each time he would come up with something, he would just go back to the drawing board and discard what he said he was going to do. He said he wanted to be a mechanic, an architect, a robotics expert, a bouncer, a police officer, a fireman, a taxi driver, with the last one being a male porn star. My kid brother and I stood by him and did everything we could to help him out. His girlfriend, who he wanted to marry, was 4 years younger than he was so she couldn't really understand just how fucked up his life was at that point since she was actually on track with her plans in life. Sadly the relationship all came to an end when my cousin got his girlfriend pregnant and rather than have the baby, which would have been impossible with their living conditions, they had an abortion which led to them breaking up. The knife in the heart for my cousin was when she told him that she had felt like a part of her had been taken away which she blamed him for due to him having a dick which killed him since my cousin was a wreck at this point. After this all went down, my cousin and I lost touch and we didn't speak again for 4 months which felt like years due to the situation. For my aunt, it was a blessing. She no longer had to deal with him any more and his "flip flopping" of goals in life where he would try to find a career for himself, only to change it to something else and in the process, waste her hard earned money. Money was no problem for my aunt since she had remarried a wealthy Italian entrepreneur who would visit her twice a year with only the intention of giving her some money so she would be happy and make it seem as if he cared about the family he never wanted. This was also a problem for my cousin since he never really had a male role model to look up to since the other older males in my family were either too drunk or stoned to care about him or anyone else in our family. When I finally did get in touch with him, it was my aunt who I was speaking to about him. I was happy for maybe a second until she had told me she was at a hospital. She had told me that my cousin had tried to kill himself by taking a combination of different pills and that she found him on the brink of death when she got home to see her son lying on the floor of their house. I come from a family where substance abuse is very common. Nearly every one of my family members was alcoholics and/or drug users. I have buried more relatives and family members than I would like to remember. I too have an addictive personality which made my life a living Hell a couple years ago and also earned me some jail time which I am not proud of. But the one thing in my family that I could take solace in was how my dad, a raging alcoholic at one point in his life who we had all thought was hopeless, had overcome his demons when it had looked like the chips were down and has been sober now for over 10 years. No matter how bad things got in my house while my dad was a raging drunk (and thing were very bad at times since he was bigger than any of us at the time), the family stood by him and saw him through his troubles regardless of how many times he would lie to us or go into a relapse and start drinking again with the consequences being even more sever than last time. When I had found out that my cousin had tried to kill himself, I became angry. I was angry at my family for writing him off after having stood by my dad and uncles, who were bigger fuck up's in which my cousin could never match in the slightest of any ways. My cousin had his highs and lows, with the lows being more frequent than the highs, but he had still tried to keep his life in order and through all the shit he went through, he still had the desire to make something out of himself rather than be another family disgrace. Unfortunately my cousin will never have the opportunity to try and make something out of him. He died on the operating table as his body just wasn't able to make it with all the shit he had in him. He was 23 years old and still had entire lifetime ahead of him. He was my best friend and someone that I looked up to when I was younger and in need of guidance. My advice to you is this Kinetic: You don't know what you want to do with your life and that happens to people at your age as was evidenced by my cousin when he got out of high school. You tried to follow through on what you thought were goals you could follow through on but the truth is, you missed your mark and now you are back at square one which is being confused and lost about what you want to do with your life. It's time for you to let your parents try to help you out and guide you in the right path so that you don't end up in a shitty environment and your along with pushing 30. You will not be easily persuaded by what your parents have to say most likely but at this point, what do you have to lose? Nothing. Let your parents see what they can do to help you out since you obviously have faltered at each one of your attempts to try and do something with your life and make it into a career for you to live off of. I wish my cousin would have had the same hard-nosed "now you screwed up so now it's our turn" type attitude that your parents have since it could have possibly helped my cousin not throw his life down the drains. You have a long life ahead of you but the only way you are going to make something worthwhile out of it for yourself is to start listening to what others have to say who have your best interest at heart and have possibly even been down the same road you currently are. Even though we have not spoken much since I came back to the Smarts, you have been one of the posters whose posts I have enjoyed reading immensely whenever possible. Good luck Danny. best. post. ever. some random thoughts: 1) it's kind of ironic that so many people here are talking about being broke on an internet message board. that says a lot about either a) how good we are at freeloading, or b) how fucked up our priorities are. 2) i can understand your parents' reasoning , & financially it's a great gesture, but that therapy thing was low & a little insulting. 3) despite #2, you don't really have any other options at this point. go back home, & start going to school. do anything you have to in order to pay for this and get back on your feet. stop all this weeping, swallow your pride: you will not die, it's not poison. 4) i hate modern capitalism, as it is apparently impossible to function in this system without beint in some form of debt. 5) (EDIT): shit. i hate it when updates completely nullify everything i just said. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Eyeball Kid Report post Posted February 6, 2003 UPDATE: I guess I'm moving to Florida. What's in Florida? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Zack Malibu Report post Posted February 6, 2003 I've seen a lot of good points made in this thread. Right now, I'm 22, just recently enrolled again in community college, with a major in education. While I'm doing very well, perhaps the best I've done college wise thus far, now I'm at a crossroads again, considering switching to social work next semester, with an interest to be a substance abuse counselor. The thing is, I made a BIG mistake 4 years ago. My parents told me, "If you stop going to school, you will pay your own way if you go back". Me, being thickheaded and getting consumed in my job (which is a damn good job, but the pay isn't anything special) dropped out without a thought. In summer of 2001, I met my current girlfriend. Sass, the similarities here between myself and your cousin is eerie, because my g/f is 4 years my junior, and is a tremendously smart girl, with all her priorities in check. She's currently in a pre-med program at college. So, after much talk and debate, I decided to return to college last fall. And my parents held true to their promise...I began to pay my own way. Nevermind the fact that my money usually went to movies, clothes, and the like. I was back at college, and it was time to crack down. How hard that is to do. I don't make much money an hour (not for the "real world" anyhow), though I have the opportunity at my job to work as much as I want. Working a lot of hours is great, but there is only so much you can do when you have classes and work to worry about. I get by, but barely. I still live at home. Casual spending is a no-no for me. Most nights I'm just sitting around the house, or hanging at a friends, watching vids or playing games in order to hold onto as much money as possible. My problem is that I'm incredibly independent. I have always managed to pay my own way, do my own thing. I thought I'd be preparing myself for the "real world" by learning what is was like. I should have prepared myself better. I could always get a job in the family business. My uncle owns several bakeries, with more franchises on the way. My cousins own a restaurant and a nightclub. The problem with that is that I've lived the bakery life somewhat, having worked there when I was younger. But I saw how much time and effort is needed for a business like that. It's not what I'd want to do when I'm going to be thinking about a family in a few years. Sorry if this seems like a rambling rant. But a few points made by Kinetic and Sass struck a chord, and I felt a need to respond, if anything just to also get it off my chest. I don't think many, if any, of us are or plan on being made for life by their early 20's. The period of indecision is something we all must face. Kinetic, I hope you make the best of your situation. If the help is being offered, take it. I found out the hard way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 6, 2003 UPDATE: I guess I'm moving to Florida. What's in Florida? My paternal grandparents. My parents reconsidered, I guess, but my grandparents in Tampa are eager to guide me along. There's low rent, employment opportunities everywhere, and a community college nearby. Then again, I don't really like Florida. But I don't have much of a choice anymore, I guess. Because they felt that my failure was imminent, my parents decided that if I was to move to Asheville, they'd take the car that they've given to me. That's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted February 6, 2003 So much for taking you to an Asheville rave. Guess this meeting's going to have to be put on hold again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
